Chapter 48

Guilty Conscience

Early in the morning, Emma groggily answers the door to see a girl with long black wavy hair. She couldn't help but notice she was pregnant but not all that far along. She was pretty. The girl's eyes widened and she introduced herself, "I'm Scott's nurse, Camille. I live next door."

Scott stumbled to the front door behind Emma and smiled weakly happy to see her, "Camille! Come on in." Charlie barked excitedly when he saw her and Emma shut the door behind her. Emma shrugged and went back to bed as she removed her sweater and took Scott's vitals.

Emma laid down next to Sean, and cuddled with him, "Let's get that tattoo later." she whispered.

"Who was at the door ?"

"Oh your dads nurse Camille."

Sean raised an eyebrow, before just saying "Oh."Sean was perplexed he really didn't know what to think of the arrangement. Camille and Sean had history as friends while he lived in Wasaga but she dates Tyler his long term rival but he knew Emma would not appreciate knowing about her for good reasons. "I got to take a leak, it's early still go back to bed baby."

Emma beamed lying down on her pillow and quietly replying, "You don't have to tell me twice." In seconds she was back asleep as Sean walks out to the parlor of the house and asks Camille as she washed her hands in the bathroom, "So how are you?"

"That's Emma isn't it?" she grimaced as she dried her hands on the paper towel she pulled from the counter.

"Yeah," he managed a smile, "that is Emma."

"Oh she is even more beautiful than the photographs."

"Yeah she is. She can't know about what happened between us not yet."

"I know." Camille said sadly before answering, "I got to get back home but -"

Sean changed the subject shifting his weight from his feet anxiously, "so what's the word with you and Tyler…"

"We are still together but this baby, I don't know how to tell you this but the baby isn't his it's well. . . yours."

He was hoping she wasn't going to say that. Camille and Sean growing up were best friends in Wasaga. When seventh grade rolled around she started hanging out with Tyler in a last ditch effort to get him to stop bullying Sean but they ended up falling for one another. Then Tyler and Sean had a fight and before Camille could say anything to Sean he was already moved to Degrassi courtesy of Tracker. She and Tyler dated throughout high school and built a life together. By the time Sean returned in 2005 he had Emma and other things on his mind. He was cool with Tyler and Camille and Sean became close again. She knew about the trauma. She knew about Emma because Sean wouldn't shut up about her. She could tell he was homesick. She went with him when he got that tattoo but a few weeks later he disappeared. Sean had a knack for that. Then just this year he returned after his tour and her and Tyler were on a break. Sean was still hellbent on Emma but for some reason or another they hooked up. And then the next day she went over to check on him and his parents told him he went to degrassi. Camille and Tyler reconciled shortly after.

"What?" He asked furrowing his brow lowering his voice.

"Yeah Sean, you're the father."

"How could this happen? You said you said it was okay you were on the pill…"

"Yes. I did say that but it can still happen."

"Fuck."

"That was my reaction too." Camille remarked uneasily.

"What're you gonna do?"

"I don't know. Tyler wants to raise the baby because he believes the baby is his. I don't have the heart to tell him. The situation is a mess I had to put med school on hold, make extra money by babysitting, helping your family out, but I know I'm gonna be doing this on my own and even now … you've got Emma the girl of your dreams. Who you always wanted." she grimaced, "I guess I've been considering adoption. I just feel this weight and impending doom for when Tyler sees her you know?" she sighs, "sees her and she looks nothing like him or something. Then he will see the truth."

"Her?

"Its a girl. I just found out last week." Camille slowly reached into the small pocket of her flannel shirt and showed him an ultrasound picture. "She crossed her legs but then I moved to my side and the lady snapped this one."

Sean smiled, and then he returned the picture to her. "I'm sorry for what its worth…."

"Shit happens. I knew that night was a one time thing..."

Sean muttered quietly changing the subject after a few moments of silence, "Em's infertile."

Camille put her hand on Sean's shoulder with compassion, "Sean…" she started to say before finishing, "I'm so sorry."

Sean blinked and a tear managed to form but he wiped it away shaking his head, "few months ago she came home and got wasted. She was heartbroken when the doctor told her there was nothing she could do." Sean took a breath and paused, "This would kill her. You know knowing about-"

"What if you two adopted her? I know it sounds a little crazy but I assume she wants a child."

"Do you think she'd go for it?"

Camille shrugged, "I've gotta go, but consider talking to her about it."

X -

Emma laid on her stomach as the tattoo artist worked on her tattoo on her right shoulder blade area. Sean sat beside her deep in thought. She turned her head toward him and grimaced through the pain. "Babe. I can't believe I'm doing this." she noticed he didn't respond so she pursed her lips together, "earth to Sean…"

"Have you ever considered adoption?"

"Huh?"

"I thought puppy was our kid."

"Sure but…"

"I thought you were okay with that and my problem."

"I have a potential solution though."

"What is it?"

"Well Em I don't know how to tell you this but there's something I've got to tell you…"

Darcy and Spinner hadn't talked much since they broke up and she has just been getting worse. She got hooked up with a therapist where she has been talking to them about her grief with Allison, her family, Spinner and lastly her rape when she was 17. She still has her nightly boughts with the bottle. She received a gift for Allison from her aunt in Calgary a blanket for when she comes out of the hospital who didn't know about the miscarriage. She realized she holds onto things and doesn't let them go she simply buries them. She was unhappy about her parents divorce and how she was forced to take sides and how she rarely sees her sister as a result. So she decided to reach out to her sister. Clare was excited to hear back. They met for coffee and Darcy looked like hell. She was practically unrecognizable when she waved from the table at The Dot. Darcy lost a whole ton of weight, she didn't wash her long brown hair and she was wearing her black dress from work the night before. She looked disheveled.

Clare beamed still when she saw her. She excitedly came over. She looked put together. She wore a blue dress and rocked short hair. "Hey sis. Is everything alright?"

Darcy sipped her coffee with both hands and had chipped black nail polish. Darcy put on her best fake smile and shrugged, "I've been better."

Clare pulled the chair out slowly and sat down. She asks, "How is dad?"

"He is fine he works alot."

"How are you and Spinner doing since…."

"I don't know because we sorta broke up."

"Oh no, you know I always liked him for you hes always good to you. What happened?"

"I fucked it all up, because that is what I do. I fuck everything up."

"That isn't true, Darc."

"Its my fault I just don't know how to fix it though. I've been going to counseling nothing seems to help."

"I heard about the baby and the accident you have to realize that wasn't your fault. And if Spinner is the guy we know him to be he'll understand whatever else. Can I ask you something just please don't get offended?"

"Of course you can ask me whatever you want."

"Have you been drinking?"

"Last night I was, yeah. I've been drinking alot to deal."

"I wish I could take back everything. I wish I could go back to where Alison was still alive or better yet just before we had found out about her. I love him, Clare and I've ruined everything. I know you always looked at me as someone to look up to but look at me now I'm ruined and I've effectively ruined my life. I need to acknowledge the fact that I am what I am."

"I know you wish you could go back to a simpler time. I feel that too sometimes, dear sister but if you love him you can't leave things this way. You'll only regret it. And I'll always look up to you because you're my big sister and that's what little sisters do." Clare squeezed Darcy's hand, "you can look at this as a hiccup and learn about yourself in the process."

"I guess that I can how can I be with Spinner and just forget how he reminds me of who we lost?"

"He would be the only other person to understand your grief and your pain and he probably hurts too."

"I managed to push him away when he told me that. God I'm so messed up. I'm a bad person."

"I know you didn't intend to push him away. Talk to him! You're not a bad person. You wouldn't say those things just to say, Darcy. What did I tell you all those years ago? You can still be good and messed up all at once."

"Thanks Clare."

"It's okay, not to be okay too. Just know that I think you're the best big sister in the world and Spinner cares about you, I just know it."

"I needed to the hear that. I think I'll talk to him tonight."