Chapter 50

Reconciled

It had been a few weeks since Emma and Sean's fall out and Sean has been staying at Jay's with Tracker which was kind of annoying for the brothers. It felt like middle school once again. Sean was absolutely miserable over Emma and Tracker couldn't stand to see him that way. Sean knew time was rapidly running out and he needed things to be back to normal more than anything. He's been sharing his time between Tracker and his parents. He broke down and told his parents what happened with he, Camille and Emma. They took the news pretty well considering but they were hopeful that Emma would come around or even consider the notion of adopting Camille and Sean's daughter. They keep telling Sean to give it some time.

Each day, Sean tries to call Emma but he keeps getting her answering machine because she's refusing to answer the phone. He quickly realized where she was, work and she couldn't ignore him in public, right? Emma went back to her schtick of ignoring the world and working hard while suffering.

Sean walked into The Dot and the bells jingled their annoying jingle as Emma who so happened to be standing in the waiting area was present. She was busy talking to a colleague so he awkwardly stood there for a few moments, somehow he almost lost all his nerve. She looked at Sean but asked the busser, "Fitz, could you give a moment? I see that table needs bussing." The boy obliged and walked away to clean the table. And suddenly they were alone, "Hi." Emma said uncomfortably.

"Hi," Sean just echoed the sentiment before adding, "Can we talk, please?"

"Sure." Emma answered against her better judgement as they went into the empty back lounge. She sat down at a small table with a big white board beside it with schedules on it and other information. "So what do you want to talk about?"

"I just. . . I don't know I just I miss you I want you."

"I just don't know what to say to you right now,." She dismissed him shaking her head. A silence passed over them.

"I wish you'd say anything to me. Is that why you haven't answered the phone?"

"Parly." She smiled uncomfortably with pursed lips.

"How are you doing, honestly?" Sean probed.

"I will say I'm not as upset anymore because I know we weren't technically together but it still hurts me and that I can't really deny."

"And for that I'm sorry. From the bottom of my heart I didn't mean any harm and I regret it because if it hurt you I just never want to hurt you."

Emma was quiet for a few moments, she observed Sean and she softened. She knew she couldn't stand to see him looking this way, she knew she couldn't stand being upset with him she took in what he said and nodded, "I just don't know where to go from here. I forgive you I just know it changes it everything and I miss you terribly, I truly do."

"So what happens to us?" Sean asks worriedly. "It doesn't change a lot, just how I feel for you has never changed."

"I wasn't finished baby," Sean's eyebrow raised and he looked perplexed as Emma smiled, "Which is why we're going to adopt Camille's baby."

"We are?" Sean's eyes lit up.

"Yes, we are." Emma inched her fingers to his and they intertwined hands.

"You're serious about this?"

"Absolutely, Sean. I've thought on this. I was being selfish before, and at the time it was valid but it has to be something we both want and a part of me wants to go on this adventure with you of parenting and I thought I lost my chance at that but in my heart I know I'm making the right decision. That little girl needs a mother more than anything. I can be a mother and that brings me a lot of joy. Sometimes the best things in life are things that come unexpectedly."

"I love you, Emma."

"And I love you too, Sean. Your doghouse days are over, you can totally come by tonight if you'd like."

X -

Alex has been in rehab for a total of two months, she has another two months to go and she's doing a lot better. Jay came by with Paige and they've been doing a lot better with being a support system for Alex despite their reservations about one another. One of the sessions Sylvia had them all talk together at coming together.

In that meeting, it was discovered that Paige resented Jay because she felt he didn't do enough for Alex's sobriety. Jay resented Paige for breaking Alex's heart even though ultimately Alex made the decision to take her back into her heart again. Alex secretly resented Jay for a very long time breaking her heart first and contributing to her distrust with men and she had to overcome many other emotional barriers and that was one of them. For Jay that was a hard pill to swallow but ultimately he understands why she'd struggle with that and why she kept it from him. Jay doesn't even know that guy anymore but he accepts responsibility. Alex still finds herself very much in love with Jay not necessarily in a romantic sense but in a close friendship. Their dynamic is very close because it was rooted in friendship and romance. It's part of the reason why his feud with Paige upsets her because she loves them both and they both were there for her when she needed them to be after many years apart. She discussed with them the trauma she experienced in both her childhood and in her adult years after high school when she disappeared from their lives. How she feels immense regret for shutting Jay out, Jay confessed how hard it was to see her dancing to make ends meet and how hurt he was that she shut him out. Things have gone in a better direction and therefore visitations have gone a lot smoother since that day.

This time, Paige was unable to get out of an event she called him to let him know that she wouldn't be making it and sends her love to Alex and she feels bad she couldn't come. Jay and Alex were the only ones in the visitation room besides Sylvia who was seated in the corner waiting for the other people who have visitors. Stacie, Alex's roommate also had a visitor and she was seen talking to Sylvia waiting at the nearest table.

Jay told Alex , "Paige couldn't come she had something at work, she sends her love."

"I never thought I'd ever see that come out of your mouth." Alex managed a smile, "sends her love."

"Her words not mine. Nice seeing you smiling. I thought I'd have to console you."

"I'll be okay, I know she loves me and it sucks she couldn't come but I'll get over it."

"Using them coping skills?"

"Actually yes." She beamed. "Don't make fun."

"Who says I was?"

"You never take anything seriously." Alex replied shaking her head, "but you know life's too short to be bitter and miserable and take things too seriously anyhow."

"This is true."

"I like this new leaf I've turned over."

"Me too, Lexx. I'm glad you're doing good."

"I feel good too." Alex confessed, "I want to thank you for everything you've done."

"What do you mean, what did I do?"

"I don't want you to let what Paige said get you upset at the meeting last week. She just felt kind of left out and I get it. If I weren't gay and we lived in some weird alternate universe we'd probably be dating and Paige would be the left out friend but thank god we don't live there. Anyway, what I'm saying is you did what you thought was right. You had shit going on. I had shit going on and this was the right time for me not back then to get help. I need you to understand that I probably wouldn't be successful at this at that time I wasn't strong enough but you were my strength then. I love you in a completely platonic best friend kind of way."

"I love you too Lexxi and I can't wait till you get out of here and make the most of your life."

"Me too."

- x -

Craig Manning has never felt more shitty in his life. He never felt more were times he just wanted to end it all. He almost was successful once but he was saved. Saved from what he wonders. He's always been tortured but never to this extent. He stopped taking his medicine for the second time, he can't eat or sleep, he just keeps drinking and dabbling in drugs to numb this pain that he feels. He hasn't reached out to Joey or Ang since Christmas when his spirits were much more upbeat. He doesn't want to burden them. He decided that he wants to see Manny but he knows he has managed to screw that up somehow but he thinks and wonders what else had he messed up. He thinks back to what Sean told him. "Channel yourself as yourself." What does it mean? Be yourself, duh but also who is Craig Manning? He could never define himself. All he wants is to love someone and be loved but they told him they can't. Why is it that he can't stop thinking about that night? Why does he keep running into the arms of rejection?

He called but all it does is go directly to voicemail.

Craig hadn't exactly followed Sean's advice he simply had spiraled. He felt rejected. He was angry. What does Jay Hogart have that he doesn't? That's when he decided he was going to take matters into his own hands. He knew Manny was going to have a big premiere for the pilot she filmed and he bought a ticket.

He waited.

He planned.

And he will succeed in his next feat.

He took the plane to LA, he set up in a room at the hotel. He brought a gun. He didn't want to kill himself, he wanted Manny to pull the trigger. If Manny wanted it to be over, it'll be over alright. He hid in the closet as he watched Manny get settled in. She was unpacking her things with her back to the closet. He emerged as she was distracted he locked the door. She didn't hear him. Not until he turned around she saw someone in the reflection behind her.

She screamed but he quickly put his hand over her mouth and shushed her. "It's me. I know. Can we talk?"

She was scared. As he raised his hand from her mouth she asked, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to ask you one more time to give us a try."

"Craig, I told you… I can't. I have Jay." She shakily lifted her hand and pointed to the ring he gave her when he finally proposed, "we're engaged."

Craig was silent. The silence made it so scary. Finally he spoke, "if that's how you want things to be. Is that what you really want?" she nodded not taking her eyes away from his. She tried to put a brave face on but she was truly terrified. "Why him?"

"Because we had been through too much."

"Isn't that all the more reason to be together?"

"Not when it hurts," she confessed.

"You seem to have this fallacy in your head that I'm this bad person. Remember when you told me you wished that song was about you? How about the time I took you to the carnival and god we were so happy."

"Yes. Yes I do because you've done nothing but let me down. A lot of that stuff happened when we were young. Craig you're starting to scare me."

"I've only just begun," he snickered as he slowly pulled the gun from his pocket. She was frozen in fear in a white evening gown and she falls back onto the bed. Instead of pointing it at Manny he stood in front of her and told her, "open your hands."

She hesitated before finally closing eyes fearing for the worse. He placed the gun in her hands. It was heavy. She looked at him with concern, "Craig . . I don't understand."

"Kill me."

"Craig I can't I've never - I can't do this."

"But you are killing me, tearing me apart you can't be with me but you can't see that you're killing me, so kill me already. If I can't have you I don't want anybody else. Haven't I made my intentions radically clear?" Craig pled with her, "you'll never see me again. You just pull the trigger and you can live your happy life."

"Craig you're talking crazy! I will not play this game with you. Most people just get over it, just get over the fact I don't want to date you. It's too painful." She shook her head.

"What's more painful than a shot to heart?"

Craig just stood there, and she looked at him and he at her. How was she going to manage to get out of this situation?