Chapter 53

Flashback

Ellie was having lunch when she got the very first call from Tracker. He didn't want to call her right away, because he also knew she had to get to work so he figured eleven was the perfect time to call her. It was when he was about to have lunch himself and he was hopeful she didn't regret giving him her number. She answered and she was fortunately pleased to hear from him she said, "Hi?"

"It's Tracker."

She beamed, "Oh it's you." she caught herself for a moment, "and not in a negative way just in a oh! it's you. I was hoping you'd call kind of way."

He managed a laugh, he liked that she was much more jubilant than earlier when she was half asleep. "Glad to hear it."

"Anyway I was wondering if you'd like to hang out sometime."

Late November 2013

Sean and Camille are drinking some beers and reminiscing. They had been taking shot for shot and they were overall pretty tipsy. Earlier though Sean told her about some of his personal experiences over dinner with her family they were happy he was around once again. She had moved back next door after a break up with Tyler Bishop. They were always breaking up and getting back together revolving door bullshit. Sean had just returned from his stint in the military and had a few loose ends to tie up at home. He gave his parents some money because dad's health was declining but it was before he was practically bound to his chair tied up to machines. He was still drinking but not to excess. He decided initially he wanted to stay with his parents until he got back on his feet for awhile.

She takes a drag of her cigarette before excitedly giggling, "Cameron I haven't thought about that in years! I mean," She's always the only one who calls him by his last name, "I still can't believe you're back. It'll be just like old times like when you lived here like a year and we raised hell together and I held your hand while you got that hideous tattoo." And then it dawned on her that she didn't offer him a smoke, "you want one?"

"I'll pass," he answered as Sean shook his head no and added, "Yeah I'll never forget it, I know I'm the one who had to go through excruciating pain to get it."

"Sixty bucks later. You get what you pay for." Camille had several tattoos of the flower and fauna nature all over her slender body. She had a few on her arms, one behind her neck, a delicate rose on her ankle and a heart by her wrist but they were all expensive and quite lovely to look at.

"So Cameron, tell me some more about the girl behind the tattoo. I'm curious. I mean I know some about Miss Emma because you didn't shut up about her that year. You guys still in touch?"

"I really don't know her all that well anymore but I still care about her. I haven't seen her in person in like six years a lot could change. One thing that will never change is that I miss her. I just can't help but think maybe too much damage had been done for her to take me seriously. It's complicated. She wrote me letters sometimes for awhile and then all communication stopped. I think she probably moved on. What she doesn't know is I still carry the photographs, they're like my prized possession. She probably forgot all about me and moved on. I'll never be good enough for her I screwed it up. I never told her how I truly felt about her."

"You don't know that and don't beat yourself up about what went wrong in the past and nonsense I don't think she could forget about you. You never forget your first love, I would know."

"Look at you miss romantic. Don't worry you and Tyler will be back together in no time." She rolled her eyes, "You just need to cool off. I know you guys. Don't get me false hope, you know how hard it is for me not to barge in on her life."

Camille got pretty serious and uncomfortably quiet before she confessed, "I wasn't talking about Tyler, Sean…."

Sean was flattered he quietly whispered pointing to himself, "I was your first love?" He was pretty surprised considering to say the least.

She wordlessly nodded, "You were you know how it was growing up it was always you and I and then when you left in grade seven, I had to move on."

"To Tyler?" She nodded with a serious expression, "It wasn't always that way with Tyler you know. I didn't like him at first. I thought I could protect you because I loved you that much even if you didn't notice. I thought maybe one day you'd notice but I didn't want it to come from me. I just wanted you to feel for me the way you always did about other girls who didn't know you like I did. You know, I initially dated him because I wanted him to leave you alone and stop taking your money but then we fell for each other. Sure he backed off for awhile but then you guys had that huge fight and we never saw you until you came back after you moved to Toronto after that shooting at your school."

"Why did you never tell me all that?"

Camille thought for a moment and shrugged putting out her cigarette in the ashtray, "I was scared to. I didn't want to ruin our friendship. We were best friends back then. What if we broke up? Our friendship wouldn't recover and I'd have nobody and nothing. I didn't want to be selfish."

"I guess we'll never know."

"I guess not."

They paused for a few moments before Sean told her rather seriously, "Camille, you'll never have no one or nothing. I know I was gone before but I promise we'll always be there for each other. I promise."

A part of Sean felt guilty that he left her behind when he moved away. Camille reminds him too much of his past, but he didn't intend to leave her out of his present. He cared about her but nobody could replace Emma in his life.

She blushed and beamed, she broke eye contact and then looked up at him, and he at her before she inched forward and cupped his face into a kiss. He immediately pulled away and he whispered in a flirtatious manner, "You're flagged."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry."

"I know we're wasted but -"

"It's okay." Sean hadn't been close to a girl or a woman since Emma so he took a giant leap of faith when he kissed her once more. "You sure about this?"

"It's okay I'm . . . on the pill."

Tracker decided to take Ellie ice skating for their first date. He thought it would be fun. Ellie was wearing a dark gray dress a pretty black sweater and Doc Martens. She looked pretty, her auburn hair in a pretty top knot with a few wavy tendrils framing her face. "You clean up nice."

"Thanks. So what's the plan for tonight?"

"I was thinking we can ice skate and maybe get some drinks?"

"Nice and kind of casual I like it." She giggled, "I might fall down I haven't ice skated in years."

"Me too. I just thought it'd be something fun we can laugh at ourselves."

Tracker couldn't shake the feeling that she was familiar, like he's seen her before in a past life. He simply couldn't place her but he knew he was attracted to her and wanted to make the best impression possible without making things weird.

As they iceskated they decided to play a little game to keep things spontaneous and interesting. There were a few others on the ice, a couple and some children but they didn't matter Ellie was all Tracker could see and think about. "So tell me what you do?"

"I'm a journalist. I used to write for The Core uner the direction of Jesse Stefanovic. I used to be lead editor after he left it but then I moved on to bigger and better things so to speak and now I'm a columnist at a magazine and I write lots online."

"What a name. Can you say that again?" He laughed.

"Stefanovic." She laughed too, "We dated for nearly two years but I'm so over that guy." She rattled off but made her point abundantly clear as she stumbled in her skating, "Just want to make that crystal."

"Eh don't feel bad, I just got out of a ten year relationship with this girl Wendy."

"Oh boy that's long."

"Tell me about it but she kicked me to the curb and I was lucky enough to get out here and meet a pretty journalist and things are seemingly going okay."

A coy smile played upon her lips, "So where were you born?"

"That's easy, I was born and raised in a beach town - Wasaga Beach but I moved around a lot. I lived around here years ago but I ended up relocating because I got a job in Alberta and then this little town in Seattle for a long time for a job too."

"I actually can relate on some level. I was an army brat until I started middle school we were all over the place because of my dad until he decided to move in Riverside and we never really left. My mom and I couldn't really live together though when he would go away so I moved in with an ex as soon as I could at sixteen. In college we stayed in a flat with friends. I now live in a really nice townhouse off Degrassi St but I went to college local, high school at the community school. I like it here in town. It's nice and doesn't change all that much."

"I know what that's like. I moved out as soon as I could my mom and dad were complete drunks. I even lived here for awhile. I used to install mirrors on cars and trucks because I never graduated high school but with the ex she encouraged me to get my high school equivalency so now I got my GED and I was planning on taking some classes on automotive at the community college in the states but . . . life sort of got in the way and here I am." Tracker shrugged, "it's whatever but so much for casual we got pretty deep for a first date conversation. I hope you don't mind."

"I don't mind. Dates don't usually go this well for me they usually are complete duds."

"Do you date a lot?"

"Eh here and there work keeps me busy and grounded so I like to go out for drinks blow off steam but don't worry I'm not a drunk like my mother was. I know my limits and I'm careful."

"You too, huh?"

"Unfortunately, she nearly burnt our place to the ground partly why I moved out."

"I believe it's your turn."

"So what is your real name? I doubt mom and dad really named you

. What's on your birth certificate?"

"Tracker."

"Really?"

"Actually it's Scott."

"Scott huh?"

"Scotts my dad's name so I kind of don't go by it plus when my youngest brother was little he had trouble saying my name so Tracker it is. It's like a

kind of thing."

Amused she asked, "What even is

? but that's cute!"

"Eh kind of embarrassing to admit you haven't seen it." Tracker answered, "It's this old black and white show. I watched it when I was a kid because we barely had cable and it'd come on real late at night when my 'rents were passed out. It used to calm me to sleep and kind of wish that I had a life like those kids with parents who gave a damn and cooked hot meals and took an interest in their kids lives instead of you know, drinking themselves into oblivion and numbing themselves from their problems."

"What was the show like?"

"Like I said it was kind of about this family in the fifties called the Cleavers and they were super like suburban and their issues were so pedestrian and it always ended happy. Everything would be resolved in like twenty minutes. There were two kids, and their friends and I don't know the story but the boys had an age gap. I'd live in a world where my parents didn't fight or argue and I could forget about the bad stuff. It's how I found out how we lived wasn't normal or okay. I coped with it though. I'm over it. I'm getting back on my feet and that's all that matters."

"It sounds nice. We can watch it sometime maybe."

"I doubt it's on Netflix."

She nervously chuckled, "Even so it's a nice distraction, better than the way I used to cope."

It was sort of triggering talking to Tracker about his past because it was so similar to hers. She was having a fine time but unseen she wanted to tug at her rubber bands so finally she did. She closed her eyes, "I'm sorry am I upsetting you?"

She shook her head, "It's a habit I'm sorry. I think it's my turn and I was wondering when you might want to hold my hand because you're doing great skating and I feel like I'm falling."

He grabbed her hand and then she tumbled to the ground but she wasn't hurt, she took him right down with her, "So you wanted me to fall down too?" He could barely contain his laughter as stumbled up and offered her his hand again to help her up, "You know, it's nice having someone to talk to. Living here has been rough going at it alone."

Ellie smiled as she got up, "Agreed this has been really fun. I didn't mean to knock you down."

"It's okay because I got to hold your hand."

They couldn't wipe the dumb smiles off their faces as they spent the rest of the evening skating around.

Camille looked in the mirror of her bathroom and touched her eye and winced with pain as she gently applied some makeup to her eyes and cheek. Tyler is tempermental and sometimes unkind to her when he caught wind she was giving the baby up. Shes juggling alot of responsibility but shes managing and tyler taking out his anger on her will be among those things but she knows he has the right to be mad so she lets him get away with it. She'd never tell him its Seans he would go even more ballistic.

Emma invited Camille over when she got back from LA for a girls night. She wanted to have a good relationship with her and show her some of the items she got for the nursery. So she made the trek from Wasaga to Degrassi after she finished her face.

"How is school?"

"Its nursing school so it's naturally so difficult."

"Ah I'm working on my undergrad slowly but surely at TU. So how are you and Tyler going?"

"Turbulent he's not really happy with how things are right now. It is what it is. So what did you get for the nursery?"

Emma grimaced but tried to be hospitable. She invited her to sit as Emma poured herself a glass of wine and then hesitated, "Do you mind if I have a drink?"

"Sure go ahead I got a water anyway."

Silence fell on the two women.

"So…" Camille trailed off awkwardly.

"I hope that you can tell me things I want that because I care about you as a person in my family and I know it's awkward but you are doing something so special for Sean and I regardless of the circumstances."

Camille nodded and confessed to Emma, "Tyler and I fight a lot lately."

"Our door is always open if you need a friend to talk to vent. Believe me I used to fight all the time with my ex husband and yeah I really couldn't talk to my best friend about it because she wasn't so close by geographically so it was hard. I largely got divorced alone. Not saying you and Tyler are headed down that road just know I'm here if you need a friend."

She suddenly blurted out, "I want an open adoption."

"We can do that. Whatever you want. We sort of were hoping you would continue to be in our lives even after the baby is born."

"Any names in mind? It's kind of weird just calling her

."

"I agree and we both really like the name Mercedes actually. I'll probably call her Cece and for a middle name - Jane."

"That is lovely."

"Jane is a special name to Sean and I. It was playing when-"

"You guys had your first kiss."

"YES. How on earth did you know that?"

"Sean told me all about you. He had it on his ipod way back when and I asked him and I got the whole story."

"What else has Sean said?"

"Lots."

Emma managed a laugh, "Like what?"

"How much time do you have?"

It was a nice distraction for Camille who had some very real problems talking to Emma. She was kind and nurturing and she knows she made the right decision having chosen Emma for her daughter's mom.

Sean got a strange phone call from a prison on his cellphone, he picked up and it was someone from his past. "An inmate from Toronto Corrections is trying to reach you. Press 1 and the pound sign to accept the call or simply say I accept. Please press 5 if you no longer want to accept calls from Toronto Corrections."

He begrudgingly had a feeling who it was and reluctantly decided to take the call, "I accept."

"Hey little bro, it's me Carson."

Sean almost wanted to hang up, and his brother sensed it, "Please don't hang up, hear me out."

"What do you want? What is it this time?"

"I wanted to apologize for punching you in the chowline years ago, that wasn't right. It's not how I pictured seeing you I was disappointed and angry. I'm a different person now."

"Is that all? I'm fine. I don't need your apologies."

"I'm in big trouble."

"How much do you need?"

"It's not really money. I mean kind of. I'm getting out and I need somewhere to stay. Mom and dad say you're living in Toronto and I was wondering . . . "

"You can't just call me like this. You know a lot has changed. I'm not that eight year old boy you used to push around all the time."

"I know that and look for what it's worth I was a bad seed. I'm sorry Sean. I've done a lot of work in prison trying to better myself and all I'm asking for is a chance to prove to you just how sorry I am. Mom and dad don't want me around and to be honest I don't really blame them. Have you seen them?"

"I live with my girlfriend and place is kind of small. Why haven't you contacted Track?"

"Fuck him. You know we don't get along. Last I saw him, he told me to go to hell. I doubt he'll want to hear me out. I swear I've changed and I won't even be home it's like I won't even be there. I'll be looking for a job and then I'll be out of your hair. Promise! You're my only chance. "

"What about those losers you call friends?"

"I burned those bridges when I narced out in court to get a lesser sentence."

Sean sighed with frustration, "Fine." He finally relented with gritted teeth before saying, "One condition - soon as you get a job you're on your own. I can't believe I'm doing this Em's gonna kill me." Emma's apartment has a pull out couch, a small room they intend for the baby and a guest bedroom but Sean really didn't want him dirtying up Emma's guestroom or near Emma period. She knows she won't be super enthusiastic about this or take this well at all. He couldn't possibly tell her about the terror of Carson. Sean can feel the hairs on his back standing up at the thought of him being cordial with Emma. Sean's always had that protective nature toward her and even though he trusts her Carson is a very devious delinquent guy with the record to match. He is simply put bad news.

"Thank-you, Seanny. You won't regret it." He then said, "So you seem to be doing well for yourself staying out of trouble. That's good. Mom says she's a beauty. I can't wait to see for myself."

It pissed Sean off for him to say that. Carson knew this finally Sean said, "Yeah she's a beauty alright. You stay clear of her, got it?"

The phone made a weird ringing sound and the same woman's voice said, "You have three minutes remaining on your call. Please go to /funds to add more time on your account."

"Looks like you gotta go." Sean must confess to himself he really didn't want to talk to him any longer than he had. He knew they had some things to iron out before he gets out so this will be one of many calls.

"Yeah that's the warning before it shuts off. Thanks brother. I'll call you tomorrow with the details. I get out this Friday at noon. Gotta go."

"One more thing, don't call me Seanny."

He snickered before replying before hanging up, "Fine, we're cool on that. For real this time, bye and thanks Sean."

"Don't mention it." He muttered before hanging up. He closed his eyes and shook his head. Before Jay could ask who it was he said, "That was my brother."

"Tracker?"

"Carson."

"You never mentioned him before."

"Is it bad that I wanted to forget about the guy?"

"That bad?"

"I grew up in a hell hole, he's one of the many reasons it was labeled that."

"Oh." Jay remarked flatly before adding, "so what was that conversation about? He apologizes for beating you up in jail?"

Sean nodded, "Well it can't be that bad. If I can change, he can change right? Plus he's your brother, you guys are supposed to look out for each other."

"It is that bad. He did and so what? If I know anything I know that the only person Carson looks out for is well. . .Carson."

"Sometimes you gotta move on from the past in order to have a better future. Looks like you're gonna have a new roommate."

"Emma's gonna say no I know her."

"Maybe maybe not."

"Ugh how am I gonna let her know this? I just moved in with Em we're just getting back together again after the whole thing in Wasaga and Camille is still a weird kind of topic and now add Carson to the mix it's going to be a huge disaster.

"Calm down, why don't you take off the rest of the day and go see Emma. I got some paperwork to do. I don't know butter her up before you break the news maybe with something nice like flowers?"

"Thanks dude. I think that's a good idea."

"That way you have a cushion if things go sideways."

"This is true, alright man. I'm gonna wash up."

When Sean arrived at the house, the dogs greeted him and he pet them he couldn't notice they had a guest - Camille. "Emma! Camille what a surprise.I come bearing a gift." Sean smiled giving Emma a kiss on the cheek and giving her a dozen pink roses. He took the thirteenth flower out and gave it to Camille. "And one pink rose to our surrogate."

"Thanks babe." Emma smiled. "I invited Camille over for dinner, I hope you didn't mind. I wanted to get to know her better."

"Yeah it's been nice. We had a nice night. You didn't have to do this, Sean." Camille answered admiring the rose.

"So what have you ladies been up to?" Sean beamed.

"Well I showed her some of the nursery."

"It looks great. Emma, Sean it's been nice but I got a long drive ahead of me."

"Don't be silly, we have room why don't you stay over tonight and I can drive you back. I've been meaning to get back to Wasaga to see Elaine and Scott and sort of apologize for me leaving without a goodbye last month."

"No no, I don't want to impose. I'll be fine+

"You sure?" Sean asked in a somewhat worried manner, "you know you're carrying precious cargo." He thought back to what happened to Darcy and Spinner and he didn't want her driving in the dark.

"I'm sure. I just don't want to argue with Tyler for being out too late. Thanks for dinner, Emma. Next time I'll bring something over."

"You made it a little awkward Sean."

"Sorry?"

"It's fine." Emma and Sean walked back to the kitchen as Emma put her vase in the sink and added water before putting the roses in and on the counter, "Precious cargo? Seriously?"

"What was that excuse for going out to Wasaga to see my parents?"

"It was just an excuse so she wouldn't drive home alone. She's been having issues with Tyler lately. I just hope it wasn't serious. She seemed so adamant on going home to him like she's afraid."

"What were the roses for babe?"

"Oh you know, just thinking of my girl."

She looked at the clock and noticed it was seven, "You're home early."

"I know. Jay let me out early and I needed to see your million dollar smile, gorgeous."

Emma blushed as she started running the water over the dishes, "Well you can help me clean the dishes and then maybe we can smoke. I'll admit having Camille over was awkward but she's the mother of our child and she requested we have an open adoption."

"That's fine, are you okay with it?"

Emma nodded with certanty, "I think she should be a part of Mercedes' life. They're already tethered forever through DNA. Besides, she's one of your oldest friends and she's nice."

"I'm glad you're taking a liking to her."

"Yeah but I am serious about smoking tonight. I just didn't want to smoke around her I didn't want her thinking we'd be shit parents."

"I don't think she'd think that. I'm really gonna need that weed because I have some weird news," Sean changed the subject, "my brother Carson is getting out of prison."

"What? I thought it was just Tracker and you -"

"My oldest brother who I hate talking to and about. Carson's been in and out of jail for years he gets good and then he fucks up but he's finally getting out and hopefully for good but the problem is . . . "

"He needs a place to stay." Emma answered and was seemingly okay with it. "It's sure gonna be a full house around here. We can handle it though."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Have you been drinking?"

"One glass of wine to take the awkward jitters of talking to Camille but not enough to fuck me up."

After Sean and Emma finished the dishes they decided to indulge themselves with a joint. Emma and Sean were soon higher than high and giggling while watching a funny movie on Netflix.