Today is the eleventh of January.
Todoroki-kun's birthday.
I've prepared a birthday gift for him.
Actually, many gifts.
The first are a ribbon-tied small rectangular box, a pink carnation, and a handmade birthday card. When he enters the classroom, I intentionally do not raise my eyes from my book to look at him directly. Instead, I watch him from my periphery. He takes a long yawn but pauses midway when he notices his desk. Curious, he opens the card. In it, I've wished him for the happiest of birthdays and written a time and address. Then he twirls the carnation in his hands. I wish my vision was good enough to tell whether he was grinning. Finally, he unravels the ribbon and opens the box.
"Thank you, Hanada-chan," he says. Now I do look at him fully. He is smiling - no beaming like the moon's rays - and holding the sandalwood fountain pen. "I love the presents. You put plenty of thought into this. A personally designed card, a January birth flower … but what's the reasoning behind the pen?"
"You once mentioned that you enjoyed drawing. I was not sure if I should have bought you a set of quality colored pencils or lead pencils of various thicknesses. Then I thought that you would appreciate something more sentimental." I fumble for something in my purse for a moment. "Here," I raise a twin fountain pen. "I've had these two pens for many years. The person from whom I brought it from told me that I should keep one pen for myself and give the other to someone would treasure its twin …" I feel a little embarrassed now, so I change the subject. "I've heard that fountain pens are excellent for sketching. I used mine to write that card, so you could have a sample. Do you like it?"
"I love it. The pen and the emotion." He sniffs it. "It has the same fragrance as your perfume. I'll cherish it."
What I have to say next is much more difficult for me, but I swallow and summon false courage. "There's a fourth gift. I've mentioned it in the card. Would you be all right with coming?" Against my will, the question comes out barely louder than a whisper.
"What?" he asks, confused.
"The card," I repeat. "Can you … Would you … D-did you look at the back of the card?" I stammer. He didn't. I feel my cheeks burn a fiery red. I'm so humiliated right now. "Th-th-there's more on the b-back of the-the card," I mumble behind my hands covering my cheeks. If I weren't keeping this lie of having an elemental quirk, I would have teleported myself out of the solar system.
"Oh, yeah. There's a time and address. What for?" The genius responsible for my predicament finally notices.
"I-it's for tonight. The-the last birthday present. C-c-could you p-please come?"
"It's in the direction of your home, so yeah. Sure, I'll come," he says, utterly unaware of my position. What's appalling is that when he does, his grin turns mischievous. "Hanada-chan, I didn't take you as the type of girl to invite a boy to a clandestine meeting in the dead of night. Were you always this … improper?"
Ten bleeding hells and all their lords! Suddenly, my haughtiness rises to overcome my shame. "Why, did you think you're the only one who could invite me somewhere secluded at an ungodly hour? Just as you did not bring me to the sunrise spot for something indecent, I am not asking you to come so late at night at this destination for something improper. It's simply a gift for your birthday, and the only time I could give it to you was then. That's all there is to it."
"Okay, okay." he gasps between his chuckling. "Sorry for taking that in a completely different direction. I'll be there."
I make a sound of approval and resolutely focus on my book.
"We're not witnessing a cult summoning a demon, right?"
I shut my book and hit his arm with it.
He chuckles louder than before.
Around 9 p.m. Todoroki-kun appears.
We are standing at the edge of a deep forest. The chilly wind blows, stirring some old snow resting on the branches and roots of the trees. A little cold, I lift the collars of my peacoat and adjust my scarf. Otherwise, I like it.
"Good evening," I call out when I see him. "Our destination is just past this forest."
"Okay. What's that for?" He gestures to the plastic suitcase beside me.
"You'll find out soon enough," I reply. "Shall we?" I usher to the forest.
We hike quietly, with me leading the way. Every once in a while, a snarky tree root impedes the wheels of the suitcase, requiring me to lift it. It doesn't help that the suitcase itself if heavy, and physical strength is not my forte. More than once Todoroki-kun insists on carrying my load, but I refuse. I have bigger fears than tripping over a tree root. More accurately, the sounds of twigs snapping and leaves crunching made by neither of us spook me a little. The nocturnal animals are on the prowl. It's just a squirrel or a possum. Not a wolf. Wolves have been extinct in Japan since 1905. But what if it's a coyote? Or a leopard cat? Or a bear?! I know it's hibernating season, but even bears occasionally wake up to scavenge for food. Animals are afraid of fire … Am I going to have to light my cane on fire?! I'm not carrying any matchsticks!
Irrational, paranoid thoughts like these spiral in my mind. Suddenly, I'm gracious that Todoroki-kun does not have a mind-reading quirk. Otherwise, he would collapse in a fit of laughter, and I wouldn't hear the end of this for months. Maybe years.
"We're here," I say, so glad that I kept the panic away in my voice.
He takes a few more steps and stares at the scene in front of us. A clear sky with the stars glittering and the moon no more than a crescent. A frozen lake beyond, untouched snow and a boulder or two lining its edges. Quite further beyond is the silhouette of a mansion.
Todoroki-kun exclaims, "Hey! That's your home! What are we doing here?"
I move to a boulder and open the suitcase. "You also mentioned another of your hobbies: ice skating. It seemed like you hadn't done it in a long time, and you missed doing so. So I thought, why not I give you an opportunity to relive that joy?" I pull out two pairs of white skates. "I didn't know your shoe size, so I told the worker at the skate rental center to give me a pair of all sizes available."
He looks astonished as he looks at the assortment of ice skates within the suitcase. Peering inside each one to look at the number, he breathes, "This one."
I sit on the boulder and watch him tie the skates and step onto the ice. He glances back at me as if he can't decide if this moment is a dream or reality. "Go. Have fun! Skate for yourself and only for yourself!" I cheer.
He beams again and slides on the ice. The blades shave the ice so cleanly, I can see the parallel lines he made. He dashes forward and turns back. After his warm up, Todoroki-kun leaps and lands, jumps and spins. His laugh is like a child's, pure and innocent. I have never heard him laugh like that before. Deep down, it makes me glad to know that I brought out this side of him. With each pirouette and axle, I clap. I'm watching figure skating in person. A potential national-level figure skater. A little smugness kindles within me.
That flame dies immediately when he returns and shouts, "You should come on the ice, too!"
"What? Why? I don't know how to skate!" I answer back.
He stops just at the border of snow and ice. "I'll teach you."
"B-but I can't bring on cane on the ice. My cane, my arthritis … those are exactly why I never learned how to skate. A-and what if the ice cracks with the weight of two? Before coming here, I walked on the ice a little to test its support. That was very nerve-wracking. What if I fall in the water if the ice cracks? I don't know how to swim either," I ramble. "This is not a good idea. I'm fine here. You go and en-"
He cuts me off. "Hanada-chan, calm down. I'm a skater, so I know a lot of about ice. This ice is sturdy enough, it won't crack. You won't drown, I promise you. As for your fear of slipping and hurting yourself, I'll hold you the entire time. We're not going to do anything complex. Just watch my movements and follow. Okay?"
I shake my head in refusal, but respond with a hesitant, "Yes."
He chuckles and scourges the suitcase. "These should fit you." I want to lift my legs and bring them to my face, but I swallow hard and keep them where they are. He crouches and undoes the zipper of my boots. With one hand, he cradles my ankle and with the other, he slots the skate on. "Can you move your foot?" When I reply that I can, he continues, "Then this pair won't do. In skating, you don't want any gaps between your feet and the skates. That causes wobbling and increases chances of stumbling." He reaches for another pair and asks me the same question again. We do this a few more times, and each time I feel a little more blood rush into my cheeks. My body has terrible timing. Finally, a pair fits me. I watch him knot the laces tightly and prod the toe and sole area for gaps.
"Okay. Can you stand up?"
I try and teeter instantly. I place a hand on the boulder to brace myself. "It's not too late to reconsider."
"It's good to try new things. You're not getting out of this so easily. Here. I'll hold your forearms, and you hold mine." I do as he says quickly. "I said hold my arms, not clutch my arms."
"You're already pushing me out of my comfort zone. The least you can give me is this much security," I counter.
"Fair. Now we're going to go on the ice. Take baby steps. When I put a foot back, you put a foot forward. Got it?" I nod and stare intently at his feet. Nervously, I step onto the ice. "Good job. Just follow my lead." Very slowly, I place my foot in the space he has just vacated. After a few motions like this, he gives more directions. "Your movements are too rigid. Loosen up a little. Bend your knees slightly and don't center your weight on your solar plexus, not your feet." I try to do that. In the process, I tremble like a leaf. I'm still staring beneath, but I can feel his lips quirking up at the corners. At least he has the decency to not say anything. "Want to try a spin?" he has the gall to ask.
I give him my signature glare of murder. Do it, and I will shatter your toes with my cane, my eyes threaten. Just joking, his tease. He suggests that we should increase the distance between us, but when he drops his grasp from my forearms to my hands, I start teetering again. "Hey! Hey! Selene, keep calm! Everything's okay. You're fine. You won't slip." But my legs don't think so. "Split your legs and grind the ice! That's how you brake!" he exclaims again. I try, but lean back instead. My head is going to hit the ice! Concussion guaranteed! I shut my eyes even before I land, but something pulls me forward. I stumble into something solid, something warm, something safe.
I don't dare to see who it is that saved me. My hands cling to my protector's shoulders, and his grip my waist. I feel fast heartbeats and hear rapid breathing, but if it's mine or his or both, I do not know. For a long time, Todoroki-kun and I stand like this, neither willing to separate. I bury my face in the crux between his neck and shoulder and weep. All the times I have been physically this close to someone was when I was being assaulted. For someone else's bodily satisfaction. There was no tenderness, no comfort, no safety. But this … this is different. This touch is of promises and apologies: I am sorry for endangering you; I was so scared; I almost lost you; it will never happen again, I swear; you are safe with me; I care for you. I love you.
The last one petrifies me. That was not Todoroki-kun, that was me. But before I can dwell on it, he speaks. "This was my fault," Todoroki-kun chokes, breaking out my shock. His hold on me tightens. "You were clearly afraid, you weren't ready, but I put you at risk. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Selene-chan."
Selene-chan? I raise my head to find that he's been gazing at me for a long time. He reads the question in my eyes, sees the tears, but doesn't respond. Instead, he says that we are done skating and promptly lifts me in his arms. Without a word, he seats on the boulder, removes my skates, and puts my boots back on. I don't have the courage to shatter the silence. When he is satisfied that I am in no more danger, he stands. All of a sudden, snow gently drifts from above. I glance up, surprised that clouds had gathered. I had not noticed when it became so dark. As soon as the thought appears, an orange light appears in my periphery. It's a flame hovering so lightly in Todoroki-kun's hand. From the way he stares at me, he never looked up at the sky.
Ashamed, afraid, and abashed, I stare at the fresh snow layering upon on old snow. Even when the flame vanishes and his warm hands envelop mine, rubbing circles and pressing points, I do not meet his eyes. "Maybe I don't have the right to ask this anymore, but can I call you Selene-chan from now on? I'm asking this because I believe we're way past the point of casual friends." His cheeks tinge and subconsciously, he releases one of my hands to rub his nape. He breaks eye contact. "Actually, I wanted to ask you so many times since the Sports Festival, but I didn't know how. Today, maybe because of my birthday, I found the courage. But after what I did just now, I'll understand if you say no. I've made you cry so much, and in the past few days, more than usual."
"Y-y-you can call me that," I whisper, removing my glasses and fiercely rubbing the tears away. "I don't blame you for what happened. Just now and since the dinner party. It's me. I've been letting my emotions carry me away too much. I'm not normally like this. Must be my period," I jest at the end. Although, it comes out as more of a cough.
Understandably, he does not laugh. With a silent agreement, I rest my hands on his shoulders again, and he places his on my waist. Despite our jackets acting as barriers, I can still feel his heart beat and chest rise and fall with each breath. They are slower now. Steadier. Like the falling snow. I let their rhythm lull me. It's not a hug, but it is relieving, nonetheless.
"Happy birthday, Todoroki-kun," I mumble.
"Shouto-kun," he amends. "Call me Shouto-kun."
"Happy birthday, Sh-Sh-Shouto-kun."
That elicits a small chuckle from him. "It's okay. We'll get better at calling each other by semiformal names." He pauses, and adds, "Out of all your presents, I loved this one the most. Thank you, Selene-chan."
Now my cheeks flush. Such brilliant timing my body has. After another hour, he bids me goodbye and returns to the direction he came from. When I can no longer see his figure, instantly I summon Kurogiri's quirk and teleport myself to the gazebo. I stumble as I try to reach the edge of the pier meeting the now frozen pond. I trip and land on my stomach.
I gasp out of the tempest of emotions swirling inside me, contrasting with the pleasant weather currently.
Now that I have the time to think, I finally address the reason for my shock.
I … I … have feelings for him?
I have feelings for him!
I have feelings for him.
No, it is more than just feelings.
He is the moon, whose light has penetrated the clouds of darkness and blessed its radiance onto this withered flower, me.
My moon, my hope, my sanctuary.
It is pointless to deny.
I am falling in love with him.