CAMILO

Me?

Leave the Encanto?

It's ridiculous. The whole idea is ridiculous.

I stare up at my dark bedroom ceiling, that sentiment repeating—the same as it has been all evening. Even throughout dinner.

How could Sofia even suggest it? I already told her before: Abuela and my mother would never allow it. And if by some miracle they did, what would we do then? Just travel the outside world? Alone? On our own?

Okay. That itself doesn't sound so bad. It actually sounds pretty exciting.

But what about food? Shelter? Would we have to camp out all the time? Work? Steal?

I sigh and shake my head.

There's no point in thinking about this. Any of it. So, why am I still dwelling on it?

I rest one arm gently across my face, closing my eyes.

The answer hits me like a guilt-ridden punch to the gut, coming to me immediately, unbidden.

It's because I want to go. I know it. I always have.

I've wanted to more and more, ever since they first told me their reasoning for going on their journeys in the first place.

To find yourself.

To find me.

This could be my only chance. If I don't go, I might forever be stuck in the Encanto. Somewhere that's safe, full of certainty, but forever confining, trapping me in a role-tethering cage.

It's not what I want in life. It's not how I want to live.

But what choice do I have?

What do I do?

I groan and roll over onto my side. My reflection in the adjacent wall mirror catches my eye. The way I look, sprawled out on top of the covers, brooding about this . . . It makes my already upset stomach churn.

"Ahh, shoo!" I growl at the mirror and move one of my pillows on top of my head. Its softness comforts me as I hear my room reorganize its shape. All the mirrors likely disappearing in favor of something else. What, I don't care. All I care about is—

Sofia and Alejandro both pop up into my head.

Their usual smiles: infectious. Welcoming. Free.

I squeeze my eyes shut tighter, and with a huff, roll back onto my back.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," I grumble and hop out of bed.

I march my way over to my bedroom door. Twisting the knob open with a click, I step out into the hall and head straight for Abuela's room, around the corner. Her door's glowing engraving of herself, staring back at me while holding the candle, makes me stiffen. But somehow, I will myself to lift my hand and knock.

My heart pounds furiously in my chest in the subsequent silence.

Abuela answers a moment later and stares down at me, eyebrows knitted close together. "Oh, Camilo. What can I do for you?" She relaxes.

"Abuela . . . I need to speak with you . . . and my parents. It's urgent."

"No! Absolutely not!" Mami stands and slams her hands hard on the table—a loud clap of thunder and whirling tornado blasting throughout the dining room. The lightning cloud flashing above her head grows darker by the second, its heavy downpour already soaking her right through, worse than if she just hopped in a bath. "Leaving the Encanto is dangerous! You are too young, and you want us to allow you to go alone, with two other unsupervised kids? Out of the question!" She waves her hands wildly in exasperation the further she rants. Papi reaches out to her, trying to get her to sit back down.

Slumping forward, I bite my lip and stare down at my lap, my fingers clasped tight on top of my legs, getting tighter.

I knew she would react this way. I knew she would throw a hurricane.

And yet . . .

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to agree with your mother on this one, Camilo," Abuela interrupts..

I jolt and look slack-jawed up at Abuela.

"You do not know what it is like out there," she says with a slight twirl of her hand. "I understand you care deeply for Sofia and Alejandro, and perhaps their family believes different, but we cannot allow you to risk your safety on a whim."

"It's not a whim!" I shout, bolting up, lying my hands flat on the table.

That startles them.

They all perk up, wide-eyed, staring straight at me. It's the first I've ever raised my voice to them. To anyone.

"I-I need this," I insist under their scrupulous gaze.

My heart pounds so fast it feels like it's about to break out between my rib cage.

Mami's storm in the room lessens. Abuela tilts her head at me. Clear questions appear on each of their faces.

I gulp and stand up tall.

Looks like I'm going to have explain my reasonings more to them. But . . . where do I start? How do I start?

I'm not good at this, or used to it—to talking. Not about me. Not about my feelings. I've only ever done so with Sofia and Dolores, and those situations alone were a stretch.

I think back to what Sofia said at the waterfall that one day, back when I first met her. That if I just tried talking to them, she believed they'd come to understand.

A lump forms in my throat.

Here's hoping.

Taking in a deep breath, I summon my courage and clench my fists. "Even without Sofia and Alejandro, I would still want to go explore the outside world," I persist. "It'd be a lie for me to say that their presence doesn't play a part in me wanting to leave now, but . . . What's more important is: I want to go to find myself. I want to figure out who I am and what I want to do outside of this family, the Encanto. Where there are no expectations of me constantly having to use my gift . . . Because I can't do that here."

That sad reality crashes heavy onto my shoulders.

Along with the weight, comes a flood of unintended memories, of people always asking me to shift. To help out by using my gift. Nothing else. Our conversations mostly surrounding around and ending with that.

Mother's rain and lightning storm immediately stop.

The three all look at each other. Abuela's confused expression softens, tinging with a hint of sadness and . . . understanding?

"Mi vida," she coos in the gentlest of tones, "we sympathize. Truly, we do."

She waves to my mother and father, who both hold each other and nod. Any rage Mami had prior: disappeared along with her lightning cloud.

"But it is too risky. I'm sure with time you will discover whatever you are hoping to find, you may find here, just as the rest of your family ha-"

"No! You don't get it!" I shout, rumbling in fury—my anger mounting, reeling at their dismissal. "I've been stuck playing roles my whole entire life! Arguably, more than anyone else!" I swipe one arm out wide, pressing the other firm to my chest, trying to get my point across.

But they don't get it. I can see it in their squinting eyes.

I huff, shake, scowl—struggling to find words.

"I'm constantly being asked to pretend to be others, to use my gift, for the good of this family, for the Encanto," I explain, pacing off to my left. "And when I'm not doing that, I'm expected to make everyone smile or laugh, to take care of Mami, of Dolores, Mirabel, tia Julieta, and Antonio. There's no room for me to have a bad day. No moment here where I can-"

I stop pacing, quickly, seeing their increasingly shocked faces.

It's like I'm talking in a different language to them. Nothing's registering.

They still don't get it.

They've never seen it.

Never heard it, until now.

And they don't want to, to see what all this madness, what their expectations, have done to me.

Nothing, and no one, is going to change their minds.

"Forget it," I scoff and spin on my heels, regretfully accepting that fact, in frustrating, jaw-clenching surrender. "You'll never understand."

That's the last thing I spit out before I race out of the room.

Where to? I don't know. But it's clear to me now: I'm never going to get out of here.

I'll always be stuck playing someone else's role.

And knowing them, they're going to expect me to be happy about it.

Author's Note: Yep. I know these past few chapters have been on a more serious note, but I promise it gets better from here! Prepare yourself for all the fluff! Again, thank you for all the favorites, follows, and reviews! They mean so much and really keep me going! Next chapter will probably be up Friday or Saturday 3