Finally! It hasn't been letting me upload, so you are waaaaaay behind. Buy enjoy anyway!
Cameron stood at the airport waiting impatiently, luckily she's thought ahead, and collected House's baggage the night before, so she could check them in whilst she waited for him to arrive. Now all she needed was him to appear, and they could move through to the lounge. She'd been there over an hour when he finally did but considering she'd arrived 4 hours before they were due to take off, it didn't really matter. Limping through the doors of the airport, and shaking the rain out of his hair like a dog, he hitched his backpack into a more comfortable position, and walked towards her.
"You're early." For House, this was actually a surprisingly nice greeting.
"You're late." For Cameron, this wasn't such a nice greeting.
"Well sorry! At least I'm not late for work everyday like you!" He mocked.
"Hmmm… memory loss, a side-effect of being a jerk the entire time perhaps?"
House rolled his eyes, he didn't like his ducklings to try and outsmart him, especially not this one, she was meant to look pretty and get annoyed.
"I've checked our bags, ready to go through?" she asked, knowing with every innocent statement she made early in the morning, she was setting herself up for a harsh reply.
"Yes Mum, are you going to hold my hand and take me to the potty too?" he asked.
She rolled her eyes, she loved him, but it was going to be a very long trip.
They reached the boarding lounge with only a few difficulties (House requesting that Cameron escort him into the bathroom every time he saw one, then needing to buy candy from every vending machine, and then arguing with the man at security about whether or not he had to put his cane through the x-ray) and Cameron sat down, ready to read her book and wait to be asked to board. But House had other ideas. Pulling a small bouncy ball out of his pocket, he began to bounce it against the ground, then against the back of the chair in front (receiving evil looks from the woman sitting in it), and then against Cameron's book.
"House! I have to put up with you for a week! So please stop it, or I'll never make it out the country, having been arrested for murdering a cripple with his own cane!" Her shouting caused a few heads to turn, and a few old women clucked disapprovingly, but it stopped House from annoying her. Tapping his cane on the ground, then on Cameron's foot, then the ground, then her foot gave him a distraction for a few minutes, but it annoyed Cameron and she hissed in her ear.
"Go get something to read for the stand! I am not going to put up with you acting like this." She pushed a few dollars into his hand and shoved him away, hoping for a few minutes peace.
So far Dan's condition had not changed, but she wanted to become his proxy as soon as possible, in case something did, but she wanted to enjoy this trip at the same time, and if she had to pay for House's distractions, so be it.
He came back a few minutes later clutching, rather than any form of entertainment, what looked like a lifetime supply of bubble gum.
She frowned, but figured it would be harder for him to talk if his mouth was stuffed full of chewy stuff, and resigned back to her book. He popped a piece of gum into his mouth and chewed obnoxiously loudly, then another and another. He blew a large pink bubble. It popped noisily, and he collected it back into his mouth and blew another one right into his flying companions ear.
"House!" she hissed, "Give me the gum!"
"What's that about a gun?" He asked loudly.
Half the room turned to stair, and a few security guards began to stride towards them. She quickly grabbed a packet and held it up.
"I said gum!" She called desperately, "Nothing to worry about! Just gum!"
People turned away, obviously annoyed by the loud couple disturbing everyone.
Cameron quickly sat back down, blushing furiously, and worked out a plan of action. She put the packet of gum she'd already obtained into her purse and waited for House to look away. A couple of minutes later, he began to rifle through his bag for something, and she used the opportunity to grab a couple more packets and stash them away. Over the next half hour, she managed to scrounge up every piece, except for the ones in his mouth. Tapping him on the shoulder he turned around, pulling out his earphones as he did so. She quickly pulled him in for a kiss, and using her tongue, scooped out the remaining gum.
"Thank you." She said, as she spat it into a trashcan.
House frowned, a reached for another packet, only to find them gone!
"You stole my gum!" He said loudly.
Other passengers began to whisper about the irritating couple again, really, what did they think this was, a social club?
"I did." Cameron replied, "But if you behave well for the rest of the journey, you can have a packet back."
House was horrified; she'd stolen his gum, and now she was using it to blackmail him! He knew he'd regret not bringing any American money with him!
Luckily he did not have to wait much longer without his distractions, as they were called to board.
Knowing it annoyed Cameron; he chose to be a 'loud' passenger as such. He could easily buy more gum once they reached England.
The first thing he did, was to cram everything he could into the overhead locker, knowing full well he'd need it throughout the journey. Then he decided to ask the growing-impatient airhostess lots of pointless questions during her safety talk. And then began to harass her when she couldn't answer the technicalities of exactly how the slides were made so they would automatically inflate, and then detach. Cameron slid low into her seat, and pretended not to exist.
After that he waited until they were in the air, before telling Cameron he needed his vicodin, which were in his bag, in the locker. He continued to complain loudly at her until she undid her seat belt, and got them down for him, consequently being reprimanded by the airhostess 'Molly' for having taken her belt off, whilst the light was still on.
House sat and laughed.
He then waited until the airhostess had gone away again, before pressing the call button.
"Millie," he began.
"Molly," she corrected.
"Of course, Millie, can you get me a glass of water so I can take my tablets?"
She nodded and walked off to get one.
She returned shortly and handed it to him before walking away again. He downed it in one sip, and promptly pressed the button again.
She arrived quickly, but looked slightly less chirpy than she did when they had boarded.
"Yes sir?"
"Great, Millie."
"Molly."
"Of course, Millie, can you direct me to the bathroom, that water's gone straight through me! You know what us old men are like!"
She looked faintly disgusted, but quickly pasted on a fake smile.
"Certainly Sir, the toilets are located just at the back of the cabin, one to either side." She strode away again, but didn't sit, knowing she'd be called again in just a few seconds.
Instead of asking Cameron to move, he stood up, shifted a bit, and sat down on her lap, right on top of her book, then shimmied along to the aisle. He limped up to the queue and stood, banging his cane on the doors alternately, as if it was going to make them empty quicker. It didn't but it did cause the mother in front of him to take her child away muttering that they'd come back once the crazy man was done. Once inside a cubicle, House did his business (washing before and after) and pressed the emergency call button. Within seconds, Molly was outside the door asking what the problem was.
"Great, Millie!" This time she didn't even try to correct him "I appear to be locked in."
She sighed audibly, and went to get the screwdriver that could be used to open the doors from the outside. Whilst she was gone, House quickly unlocked the door, and hobbled back to his seat to watch the excitement commence. Bumping over Cameron, he turned around to look where Molly was staring in confusion at the empty stall.
She marched down the aisle to where House and Cameron were sitting.
"Oh Millie, sorry for any inconvenience, I guess I forgot to unlock the door before I tried to open it!"
Molly sighed and walked away, forgetting her polite formalities.
"House! Do you know how embarrassing you are being?" Cameron was practically seething, they might be 'dating' but this would be so much easier on her own!
So 15 button-presses, a nap, and a scream as they landed, House and Cameron emerged from the aeroplane into Heathrow airport, amused (in House's case), not amused (in Cameron's), and tired (In both).
Finally, they were in England.