Disclaimer: I do not own anything Peaky Blinder related, that belongs to the series creator Steven Knight.

Face Claim for Rosemary Parker: Celina Sinden.

Chapter Nineteen: Being Pushed Away.

"You're pregnant again?" Rosemary whispered surprised as she stared at Martha, this was not what she had been expecting when her sister-in-law had invited her to lunch. She couldn't help but feel a little jealous that Martha was going to have another baby so soon after John had returned from war. Things had not been right since Thomas had returned home, Rosemary had hoped that things would be all right but he was barely sleeping and would not tell her what was bothering him.

"You're not? They've been home two months and I am sure Kathleen would love a sibling," Martha teased with a smile, she could barely get John to keep his hands off her and she loved how he was making up for all the time that he had missed. The children were thrilled to have their father home and John was dotting on them, something that allowed Martha to have a break from the three of them.

Rosemary swallowed, she did not want to talk about the issues that she was having and she had thought that Thomas's distance would be something that John and Arthur were also going through. She was a little disappointed that she was the only one that seemed to have this problem; she sipped on her tea knowing that she could not talk to Martha about it.

Sensing that something was not right, Martha reached across the table and took Rosemary's hand; she had heard that Thomas had thrown himself into work since his return and figured it had been a way for him to cope. John had told her about the hours that his brother was pulling, he was always the first at the shop in the morning and the last to leave of a night; he would not even share his work load with his brothers.

"I am sure he'll come around… John has nightmares sometimes, it was hell on earth he says," Martha said knowing that they would never know just how bad things had been in France. Many of the men that had returned from war were not the same and it would take time for them all to adjust to life back in Small Heath after everything that they had been through.

Rosemary nodded her head, she offered Martha a weak smile knowing that she should not ruin Martha's good news with her own problems; she had no idea how her sister-in-law would manage with four children. The three she already had where energetic at best and Martha struggled to keep a leash on them, they had a habit of climbing into stuff they certainly weren't meant to and Polly had been forced to ask Martha to leave the offices several times because of them.

"When are you due?" Rosemary asked trying to change the subject, she did not want to make this about her and she was sure that Martha would want to talk about her baby. It was hard to believe how fast she had gotten pregnant and Ada had even joked about how fast Martha seemed to pop out children; she and John had only been together for a few years.

"Early August," Martha replied with a smile, she was looking forward to it and she would love this child just as much as she loved James, Steven, and Margaret. John had been thrilled with the news that they were going to have another baby, he could not imagine just how things were going to work out but he was pulling his weight more to support his family.

The war had changed him and Martha missed how fun loving he had been before the war, he seemed far too serious now but she enjoyed how responsible he was being. It certainly helped with the children, who just last week had climbed into Mrs Jones garden and dig up her flowerbed in the search for buried treasure; John had given them a right talking to for that one. Martha had sent over a basket of muffins to the old dear who was always understanding when the children got a bit carried away with their games.

"The children must be excited a new sibling to fuss over," Rosemary continued, it was something that she wanted for herself especially since Thomas had missed out on so much with Kathleen since he had been at war. If he ever made it home early enough then Rosemary found him spending time with Kathleen; his blue eyes taking in their daughter almost like he did not believe that she was real. The war had left them all with scars and there was no doubt that they would feel the force of it for years to come.

Brushing her hair before bed at her dresser, Rosemary tried to keep the emotions off her face as Thomas stepped into their bedroom; it was late and she had expected him home hours ago for dinner, she had not thought he would miss it again. Kathleen had been upset that her father had not been home to tuck her in when she had been going to bed and Rosemary had done her best to settle their daughter.

She was doing her best to be as understanding as possible with the situation but Rosemary felt frustrated that things did not seem to be getting better in the time since he had returned from war. Nothing seemed to please Thomas and his decision to quickly return to work did little to ease her mind; he was looking for a distraction and that worried her.

"Martha announced that she's with child again," Rosemary said sure that John would have shared the news with his brothers, she turned to face Thomas as he undressed for bed. Her eyes catching on the scars that he had gained while he had been at war; she wanted to ask how he had gotten them but she was worried that she would upset him.

"So, I heard," Thomas murmured knowing that it was not really a surprise, from what he heard John and Martha had been at it like rabbits since John had come home. It was hard to believe that they had not announced a pregnancy sooner, he was certain that there would be no stopping them from having a large family just like John wanted. His brother had always wanted a large family coming from having four siblings himself and he was fast on the way to that with the three that he currently had and however more that Martha would be willing to give him.

Rosemary hesitated for a moment, deciding her next move before she got to her feet and made her way over to Thomas; she watched him not sure how he would react. Sitting down on the bed, Thomas eyed his wife not sure what to expect; Martha's joyful reaction might bring about a conversation that he did not want to have with his own wife.

Slowly reaching for Thomas, Rosemary stared at his face as her hands came into contact with his bare chest; he was cool to the touch and she guessed that it was rather cold outside since it was the middle of winter. There had been a light snow covering the street when she had woken that morning but it had not lasted long, melting away before lunch much to Kathleen's disappointment.

Although Rosemary had assured her that more would come, the clouds had been heavy with it as the night drew in and Rosemary was sure more snow would follow. Stepping closer to Thomas, Rosemary kissed him and slowly brought her hands to rest on his shoulders; she felt him go stiff under her touch before his hands rested on her hips and pushed her back slightly.

"Not tonight, Rosie," Thomas said quietly, he could not bring himself to look at her and he knew what she was trying to do. A part of him did feel bad about pushing her away, however he could not bring himself to get comfortable; he could almost see the hurt in her eyes when he told her no but he could not do this now.

Searching Thomas's face, Rosemary frowned a little before she moved to cup his face and kiss him again; a part of her sure that they could get through this together, that if he could just trust her enough that she could help him heal. Thomas relaxed a little into this kiss, his hands remaining on her hips for a moment before he fisted her nightgown and pulled her closer a little to him.

Her lips smooth against his chapped ones and he couldn't deny that he loved the feel of her body against his own; she was so warm and soft compared to him. However, flashes of the war flicked through his mind before he could stop them and he roughly pushed Rosemary away from him; his hands shaking as he got to his feet and turned away from her trying to gather himself.

"I said not tonight," Thomas snapped before storming out of their bedroom, guilt filled him at his actions but he would not allow himself to hurt her. He would never forgive himself if he did so and he was sure that Rosemary would understand eventually; it was better this way and he knew that he could keep her safe. T

ears filled Rosemary's eyes as her husband fled from their bedroom, she collapsed onto the bed wondering what she was to do. She wished that she could take away the pain that he was feeling.

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