A.N: So, here's another chapter. Hope everyone's still enjoying it. Some particular fans of Twilight Princess may have a few nit-picks of this chapter as, for example I only realised after completing it, that Telma isn't quite as tall in the game as I've written her to be. Oh well, it's artistic licence. I've also decided to make Castle town a bit bigger than in the game. I always found it to be a bit small.

As always this has been a tough write and as always feedback or constructive criticism is welcome and appreciated. Enjoy the show!

Chapter 9 – Hugs, Horns and Heroics

Castle Town – 103 days A.G

"Fresh Fish!"

Link jumped as a fishmonger bellowed just a few feet away.

Market day! Of all the days Zelda had to pick for their meeting it had to be market day! Link had seriously considered not coming, his old self doubt that the princess's presence had seemed to suppress had reasserted itself following her absence. He'd even begun to second guess his recollection of their meeting. Surely a royal princess, particularly one with the wisdom and sophistication of Zelda, would not wish to become friends with an uncultured, sword wielding goatherd. She may respect him but that's quite different from actually being friends. Friends had things in common. What did they have in common? A shared history of misery. Well as the saying goes misery loves company.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" a disgruntled marketgoer barked shoving him aside so hard he was almost sent hurtling into one of the stalls.

It would seem that now was neither the time nor place to get lost in thought, he noted as he picked himself up, brushed off his green tunic and retrieved his hat. It took a couple of seconds for him to register, with some surprise, that the marketgoer who had almost introduced him, with extreme pain, to the wonder of scented candles and soaps was a Goron. It would seem that castle town had certainly become more cosmopolitan since he'd last visited.

They were few in number but Link caught glimpses, and scents, of a couple of Zora and the far more conspicuous forms of some Gorons milling about among the riotous throng that cascaded haphazardly through the cobbled streets. The town square, which only occasional emerged through the traffic, was a seething cauldron of barely organised chaos. The cacophony of clashing sounds and conflicting odours left him disorientated, nauseous and wishing he'd listened to his pessimist streak and just stayed at home.

The only thing that spurred him on was the hope of the princess's assistance and a feeling that their last meeting had lacked a sense of closure. Her ability to raise him above his nightmares just through her presence was unnervingly highlighted by the sense of extreme vertigo that consumed him after her sudden but inevitable departure. He hadn't sunk back to his lowest thankfully, but the fear of doing so was ever present. It may have only been two days but to Link it felt much longer.

Weaving, dodging and squeezing his way through the hubbub, it was with great relief that he finally found himself at a very familiar and mercifully deserted alleyway. The stone work reflected the sounds of the street but were generously dulled by comparison as he descended the well-travelled steps towards Telma's Bar.

Of all the places he would have imagined meeting royalty this certainly didn't spring to mind. He was about to enter when Link realised that something was off. This small sanctum, hidden within the maze of castle town had embedded itself deep in his memories. It was one of the few places he'd felt truly safe, at least once certain members of the resistance had stopped being so rude to him.

With such recollections he could recall almost every detail of the place and yet something seemed out of place… the door?! Upon further examination there was no doubt about it. The door had been replaced with a brand new, more ornate door. There was also a new sign by the door that simply stated "NO GORONS". That didn't seem like the Telma he knew either. Link felt a sense of trepidation and sadness at the thought that this place that held some of his few good memories from his adventure may have changed beyond recognition.

Hand hovering over the handle, he took a couple of deep calming breaths to brace himself to what might lurk beyond. He could hear it must be pretty rowdy in there, by no means as suffocating as in the streets, but still more than he was used to. Suddenly he heard raised voices approaching the door and dodged to the side, just in time to avoid a face full of oak, as it burst open and two clearly intoxicated patrons staggered forth. Singing loud and discordantly, they seemed completely oblivious to Link as they meandered their way towards the steps to the street, pursued by a stern but highly recognisable female voice. "… and don't come back until you're sober!" the tell-tale lilt leaving him in no doubt. Yep, that's Telma alright! Just hope she's not in a bad mood, although that would be a rare occurrence indeed.

Link hesitantly stuck his head round the door. "Well, well, well, if it isn't the Bossman himself!" Telma loomed in the doorway just as tall, full figured and buxom as ever, and just as unafraid to show it. Her hands were on her hips but her broad grin gave away she was far from a seeing red. "Well don't just stand there like some punch-drunk Zora, honey! Give me a hug!"

Without waiting for a response, she grabbed his head, yanking him unceremoniously round the door and enveloped him in a suffocating and, to Link's innocent sensibilities, highly inappropriate bear hug… Suffocating for more than one reason!

So shocked was Link by this sudden assault that he initially didn't react allowing the Over-enthusiastic landlady to pin his arms to his sides. It seemed escape wasn't a question of strength but of position, and his was undeniably tricky, if he still wished to be able to look her in the eye afterwards and not get thrown out.

There was a whistle from a table on the left. "Hey lad, you should consider yourself lucky, If I were greeted like that…" came the voice of a clearly elderly gent.

"Now, now, enough of that Alf, this here's my nephew." Telma chided mildly but finishing with pride. Nephew?! Link started in surprise. This was the first he'd heard of it!

"Well 'e don't look like it." Said the man, who Link managed to catch a glimpse of as he craned his head away from Telma's bust. Small and squat, with a round red face, bushy white eyebrows and more beard than hair, he seemed the affable, jovial type.

"That's cos he's adopted." Telma replied cheerily, patting Links head so hard it was knocked back into her cleavage.

"Can you adopt me?" The man asked jokingly.

The fiery haired Landlady chuckled "Tragically, as much as I love you Alf, you're far too old for adoption now, plus I think my fiancé would have something to say on the matter. Besides I don't think your heart could take my hugs."

"Aye, maybe not, but I'd die a very 'appy man." The old man replied with a hearty guffaw. "Oh, if I were 25 years younger." He added wistfully.

It was at this point, as Link was starting to turn blue, that Telma finally registered him desperately tapping for timeout, on her arm, and loosened her grip on the beleaguered hero, who promptly gasped for air.

"I'm so sorry, honey, got a little carried away after not seeing you in so long." Telma patted him on the head, more gently this time, and finally released him. Link adjusted his hat for what seemed like the tenth instance on so many minutes and waved away her apology, feeling slightly guilty for staying away so long. "No need Telma, I'm just sorry I didn't visit sooner."

"Well Telly, aren't you gonna introduce me to your nephew? You seem awful fond of 'im"

"Of course! Link, this is Alfonzo Codgins Demerara, former officer of the royal guard, back when they were actually capable and respectable. Alf, this is Link, adopted nephew and grand hero of Hyrule…" At hearing this, Links stomach dropped and he averted his eyes to gaze at his boots. "He was the one who lead the resistance against the twilight and defeated the evil force behind it, with the help of the princess."

Link was about to correct her suggestion he led the resistance, however at the mention of the princess, Links eyes darted round the room in search of her, despite suspecting she wasn't here. He spied about fourteen patrons scattered around the various tables that dotted the room. The bar itself was empty apart from Louise, Telma's white cat, who sprawled across the counter as though she owned it. His fears of a complete renovation were laid to rest as he noticed that all was the same other than a couple of brand-new tables.

His attention was pulled back to the conversation as Alfonzo, who'd initially been stunned by the revelation of his hero status, now leapt up and grasped Link's hand and shook it vigorously. "By Jove, Sir, it is truly an 'onour to meet you. You 'ave done a great service to the people of this kingdom, including me, for which I thank you. AND you met the princess!" His tone turned melancholy and his eyes misted up. "I 'aven't seen the little tyke in over 10 years."

This piqued Link's interest. "You knew the princess?!"

"Aye, that I did and a right little rascal she was too… until, that is, the king died, goddesses bless 'is soul. It weren't surprisin', but she weren't the same after that." He sighed forlornly and added with bitterness. "course, that were the last time I saw of 'er."

"Why, what happened?"

"The council came and asked me to retire. Said I was too infirm for the job. Said they was concerned for my mental frailty. Well, it were true that my body weren't what it once was but my mind was sharp as ever. I knew they despised me for my close connection with the royal family, 'ticularly as I was middle bred, not of their precious bloodlines. Equally, I could not be bought. I were too familiar with the princess and I were too loyal to 'er and 'er family so I had to go. When I refused to go on my own they discharged me for dis… 'onourable conduct. I ain't seen 'er since." Finishing his sorry tale the old man took a deep swig from the pewter tankard that had been sitting at his table.

After a few seconds watching the beverage morosely he glanced back up at Link who simply stared in shock it his revelations. "Sorry, sorry sir Link, you didn't come 'ere to 'ear the blabbering's of an old fossil like me. You came to catch up with Telma and probably many other more important people no doubt."

"Well, errrr, actually, as wonderful as it is to see Telma, and I hope we do get time to catch up, I was summoned here to meet with the princess…" Link hoped this reveal wouldn't upset Telma. It was admittedly great to see her again, with her infectious cheeriness that could pick him up in even the worst situations.

Telma, thankfully, didn't take any perceived slight at his reason for visiting, while Alfonzo perked up considerably at the mention of his meeting with Zelda. "The princess is comin' 'ere?" he inquired fervently.

Link wasn't sure but was about to give a hesitant yes when Telma corrected him. "No, the princess wont be coming here. She will likely send an escort to fetch Link when she wishes to meet. She definitely wont meet outside the castle though." She explained and then clarified what they both suspected with a rare flame of genuine spite. "Orders of the council!" she hissed through gritted teeth.

After a shared look of disgust between the two old friends, Alfonzo turned his gaze back to his new one. "Link, would it be too much to ask a favour of you. I 'ave tried several times to send letters to the princess, 'owever I 'aven't received any reply. I suspect the council 'as someone check 'er mail under the "banner" of security, so I doubt she ever got it. If I wrote a letter for 'er before you are summoned, could you deliver it for me? I know it's much for an old man who you barely know, but it would sooth my conscience."

Link had never been one to turn down a person in need and he wasn't about to start today. There was a uncharacteristic niggle of suspicious poking at the back of his mind but he dismissed it "Sure, it shouldn't be any trouble, provided castle security hasn't tightened to the point of performing strip searches on guests!"

The old ex-guard's face lit up like a man who'd won four consecutive bets on the Hyrule Darby. "Oh thank you so much Sir Link" he rejoiced, jumping up and grabbing Link's hand again to give it another spirited shake, prompting some bemused stares from some of the bars other patrons.

Telma stepped in to save Link's rapidly numbing arm. "Alf. he's gonna need that for delivering the letter. How about I get you a quill and some parchment and you can get started."

Alfonzo finally dropped Link's hand. "Aye, sorry, just got a little carried away myself there. That would be grand Telly."

"Link, honey, while I'm getting the stuff for Alf here, how 'bout you go and say hi to Louise. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you."

Following the merry Landlady's instructions Link made his way up to the bar, subtly surveying the other patrons, purely for curiosities sake, as he knew Telma wasn't the type to tolerate rebel rousers in her establishment. Most beheld little to no intrigue, being your stereotypical customers with nothing but frivolous conversations. The two of most interest were a man with a face like a shrivelled grape, puffing on a pipe the shape of a pig's head and a trio of pretty young ladies, two blondes and one redhead playing a game of cards in the alcove where the resistance used to meet. The most intriguing thing about them was that, from their opulent dresses, he would assume they were noble's daughters. What were they doing in a place like this?

Upon reaching the bar, his presence stirred Louise from her catnap and she stretched and slinked across the counter to greet him. Link gave her a stroke, prompting a purr of satisfaction from the fluffy feline, who proceeded to rub her face affectionately against his hand. He continued to pet her rather absent-mindedly as he continued to scan the room.

After a couple of minutes Telma slipped back behind the bar, only to ask what, to Link, seemed a rather improper question. "So, Honey, care for some liquid courage before meeting the princess? It's on the house after all."

"Telma, I'm meeting the princess! I can't go there drunk!"

"Suit yourself, but if I know anything, you could use some help." She quirked an eyebrow suggestively.

"What do you mean?"

"Weeeelll, I'm not saying you're as shy as Shad could get at times, honey, but nice guys like you do tend to get tongue tied around pretty young maids or in your case a beautiful princess." The redhead winked.

"Ok, firstly I'd rather speak less and actually know what I'm saying, and second why are you making it sound like I'm simply there to court the princess, It's an official meeting to discuss a possible arrangement."

Telma gasped in shock. "Honey, I admire your boldness but aren't you two moving a little fast there?"

"What" Link was perplexed. Then the rupee dropped, with the weight of a sledgehammer along with his jaw. "Telma, I'm not even courting the princess, let alone thinking of marriage."

"Aw, such a shame, it would be so classically romantic, The Hero and The Princess, just like tales of old and you'd make such a cute couple!" She cooed in a disgustingly saccharine tone.

"Telma!" Snapping in exasperation and embarrassment, he promptly buried his face in his hands.

"Alright, honey, I'll let it be. I can see I've hit a nerve…" Telma briefly feigned some sense of sympathy only to give into the temptation for one last teasing prod. "but you can't deny I'm right, you would make a cute couple."

Link groaned into his palms, then contented himself to mumble through his fingers "What is it with women and romance? It's like a red rag to a bull."

"Well it could be the fairer sexes "weaker" sensibilities oooorrr it could be that unlike you men, us ladies have the innate understanding that it's love that makes the world go round. Something I'm sure you'll discover with the right someone."

Suppressing a cynical remark expressing his great doubt at her final point, he went for pondering his friend's current disposition. The Fiery haired bar owner seemed even more effervescent then ever. It could have simply been due to the fact this was the first time they'd met without the weight of the kingdom on their shoulders, but his gut told him he was missing something. Speaking of his gut, he was starting to get peckish.

"Telma, mind passing me a menu?"

"Sure thing, honey."

It was as he took the menu from her that he noticed it. Telma was wearing a betrothal band! At that point his mind replayed her earlier comment "… plus I think my fiancé would have something to say on the matter." Goddesses, he could be thick sometimes! Well that explained her cheeriness and her obsession with romance.

Unsure how to bring it up, but feeling some sort of felicitations were in order, he went for the simple yet earnest approach. "By the way, congratulations on the engagement."

Telma beamed. "Why, thank you, honey!"

Link waited a few seconds for some more information from his clearly loved up friend, however she was too busy admiring her ring. "Sooo who is it? Anyone I would know?"

"Mhm, pardon, ah no, no one you would know, but I'm sure you two'd get along swimmingly. He has a similar compulsion to help people. I met him shortly after the twilight invasion ended actually. We were both assisting at one of the aid shelters set up in the aftermath. We caught each other's gaze, fireworks happened and he proposed a month later." Link could see the dreamy haze descending over her eyes, and not wishing to be subjected to sappy romantic recollections, made what he thought to be a smart light-hearted gibe at her hypocrisy. "Seriously, you accuse me of moving fast, and yet you get engaged in a month. A certain idiom springs to mind, involving two Cuccos and an egg."

"Oh, so you admit it." She gave him a victorious grin.

"What?" His mind that had been breezing along at a stately canter was suddenly forced into a gallop to catch up with his mouth. "No! How did you come to that conclusion?"

"Well, as I recall, in the FABLE of the two Cuccos, they're both just as guilty of laying in public. The difference is one bares her egg with pride, while the other sits on hers. I've borne mine with pride so which one does that make you?"

Damn! That would teach him about trying to appear witty. "Ok. I got the wrong idiom, fable or… whatever it was, but I'm not courting the princess, honestly! Now, could we please move on to another topic, preferably one that doesn't have you going all gooey eyed again."

"Calm down, Honey, you know I'm just teasing, right? But if that's what you wish then so be it. On my honour I promise I'll never tease you ever again."

"Come on, Telma, no need to be so dramatic, besides since when did bar tenders have a sense of honour?"

"Oh, that wounds me deeply, Link!" She exclaimed, throwing her hand to her forehead and staggering back, feigning light-headedness. With her theatrics over, she gave a hearty chuckle. "I know you love it really. So, what WOULD you like to talk about?"

Eager to steer the conversation as far away from any mention of romance as possible, he decided to dig deeper into the history of the man he'd just agreed to help. "Alf, I'm guessing you've been friends for years?"

"Yep, pretty much since I started at the bar, a family business you know. Almost 20 years ago now. My, how time flies." she shook her head and glance across it the old man, who was busily scrawling on the parchment she'd given him, away in the corner.

"So, what's the deal with his name? He's got a noble sounding name but he sure doesn't speak like a noble. He doesn't have the attitude of one either."

"Ha ha, you'd certainly be right there. Apparently, he came from a respected middle-class family with aspirations of breaking the monopoly of bloodlines on the upper classes. How would they attempt to reach such an impossible dream? Why, by giving their first-born son a pretentious name and trying to teach him noble manners and etiquette. Unfortunately, his struggles with enunciation shut down any hopes they may have had. Don't let his speech fool you though. Dear old Alf's pretty smart, in his own way, and was a capable warrior in his day. Sadly, in the world of nobility, walking the walk ain't worth a rupee if you can't talk it up to the sacred realm, all with perfect diction…"

"… Not that all nobles are snobbish, ignorant and pompous of course" she added "Take the three "T's" for instance…" she gestured with a glance to the three young ladies in the alcove. "just as delightful in personality as in appearance, none too shabby in the brains department and all-round sweethearts… plus…" She leaned in conspiratorially "they're all currently very much single. Like me to introduce you honey?" She gave him another wink.

How had it come back to romance again? "No! What is it with you, Telma? I realise you may have love rather on the brain, what with your engagement, but you have not only tried to encourage me into courting the crown princess of the kingdom, which is plain mad, but are now trying to set me up with one of these ladies."

"Well, the whole princess thing had been a bit of a tease…" Telma's voice suddenly took on an earnest concerned tone, as he imagined a real aunt would take on hearing of a loved but troubled nephew. "The thing is, honey, I heard some news about you from Rusl, nothing specific mind you, but it sounded like you were in a bad spot. I just thought, perhaps, that a bit of romance with a pretty young lady might help you find the right path again."

Link nodded, slightly chagrined at his earlier terse response. "I appreciate your concern Telma, but honestly… I think love is the last thing I need right now."

She didn't seem convinced but, after pondering for several seconds, she never the less decided to let it go. "Ok, honey, just remember if you're in trouble and want someone to talk to, I'm here for you."

"Thanks Telma, now going back to what I wanted to ask, what do you make of Alfonzo's story?"

"What do you mean?" her brows arched slightly.

"Is it all true?"

"I have no reason to doubt it, why?"

"Well it just seems rather extreme to me, the whole "kicking him out for getting too close to her" deal. Are they really that petty?" Part of Link was already lambasting himself for feeling the need to even make such an enquiry, given his experiences with Lord Halshaw.

Telma sighed. "I wish I could say such a tale surprised me, but it doesn't. I regularly get servants from the castle down here and from what they tell me, the arrogance and entitlement of some of the council is the stuff of nightmares. I do not envy the princess for have to put up with them."

"Did he tell you the story before?"

"Only the basics, that he worked in the royal guard and knew the princess to some degree but was discharged under false pretences. He seemed to carry a sense of shame about it and I didn't wish to pry. He'd told me plenty else about the council though."

His earlier suspicions reared their ugly heads again. Had the letter been addressed to anyone else he would have delivered it without questions or doubts of the sender's intentions, assuming them to be inherently good… but because it was the princess… Something stirred inside, something instinctual, something almost feral. A compulsion that almost brought a growl to his throat. A need to ensure Princess's absolute safety. That meant he had to be sure there was no ulterior motive. He also had to be diplomatic about it though. A twinge of guilt twisted Link's stomach at the implied accusation as he was about to make. "Couldn't it be possible the shame is because they had more reason to discharge him than he's telling us?"

"No!" The Landlady's answer was emphatic and it was obvious that any further discussion down that path would lead to offense. He would just have to trust her judgement.

"Sorry, Telma, I didn't mean…"

Telma waved his apology aside, albeit after taking a long weighty breath. "Don't apologise Link, you were simply being cautious for the sake of the princess and you don't know him. I DO and I care about him. I KNOW him and I KNOW that the most likely reason for his shame is that he feels he abandoned her when she needed him, despite the fact he had no choice."

In spite of her dismissal, Link, prone to pangs of conscious as he was, couldn't resist making another apology. "I'm sorry Telma."

She merely gave him a nod and a gentle smile to show she wasn't upset.

With that, the conversation slipped and they assumed a sombre but amicable silence, the Landlady setting about cleaning glasses, the hero surveying the scenery again. Nothing much had changed since the last time he'd looked, and the various discussions and gossip flying around the bar were just as banal as you'd expect. He found himself focusing on the three ladies playing cards. The three T's didn't Telma call them? He wondered why. They were undeniably pretty, two with cascading blonde locks that flowed down past their shoulders, while the third possessed tresses the colour of sunset gathered in an elegant pony tail. They all wore very similar, highly intricate dresses in complimentary colours. they looked to possess many layers and yet that didn't seem to affect the young noblewomen, despite the bar's stuffy atmosphere.

A small part of his brain expressed disappointment that he hadn't let Telma introduce him. That small part would need a stern talking to, he decided, however it soon faded into insignificance when another louder and clearly crazier faction of his mind resolved to compare their beauty to that of the princess. This rogue intelligence promptly concluded that as pretty as these ladies were, they could not compare to the loveliness of Zelda.

It wasn't the conclusion that horrified Link. It was the fact that he'd thought to consider the princess in such a manner to begin with. She was, firstly and most importantly, royalty, but also and almost as important, she was his friend (Hopefully!). Ughh, these thoughts were blatantly Telma's doing!

Link scoured the room for a compelling distraction from notions of women or romance. After a couple of minutes eavesdropping and a few subtle scans of the bar, his gaze fell upon the new door. "So Telma…" Link began, turning back, only to realise she was serving a customer.

"Just a moment, honey… That'll be ten rupees… Thank you… So, Honey, was there something you wanted to ask me?"

"Um yes, what's with the new door?" He enquired, genuinely curious.

The buxom landlady frowned and pointed to a sign above the bar. NO GORONS.

"Wait, are you saying a goron broke the old one?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, barged it clean off it's hinges. Apparently according to him, he wasn't used to the concept of having to pull a door open rather than push it! I think he just wasn't observant and was looking for an excuse to weasel his way out of it. Never-the-less I took none of it and demanded he pay me for the damage. I would have shown him the door as well, had we still had one. Anyway, he begrudgingly covered some of the cost for repairs but that certainly didn't compensate for the loss of business from having to close the bar."

"What brought the Gorons and the Zora to castle town. I would have thought they'd much prefer to stay in their own realms?"

"Apparently, after the twilight invasion, the princess sought to strengthen ties with the other races and as such, agreements were made between them to share resources. It turns out the invasion had left every town or village of every race short on some basic necessities, and these trade arrangements allowed all the races to trade more freely. I think it has ultimately helped the recovery. I just wish it didn't have to come at the expense of my furnishings!"

"Furnishings, as in plural? What else did they wreck?!"

"Two tables and five chairs, a few by accident, the rest in arguments or impromptu wrestling contests and most of them didn't pay for the damage. Hence why my bar now carries a NO GORONS policy."

It was at that moment that Link felt his stomach rumble. He really needed some food. "I was just…" He started, only to be interrupted by Alf shuffling up to the bar, letter in hand, and tapping him on the shoulder. "'ere you are, Sir Link, and I thank you for your kindness in agreein' to take this, that's if you're still willin'. One more thing I ask of you if you take it. Please, don't read it! It's very personal and I wish for only the princess to read it."

He took the letter from the old man's hold and nodded, prompting Alfonzo's eyes to well up with tears. He grasped Links hand yet again and gave it the most vigorous shake yet. "Oh thank you so much, Sir Link, You don't know 'ow much this means to me."

"it's nothing, really, and by the way, it's just Link. I haven't been knighted and I'm no noble." Link spoke bashfully, trying his best to keep his voice from shuddering along with his body.

"No but you're everything a knight should be!" Came the old man's ardently insistent reply, finally letting go and allowing Link's body to re-establish some sense of equilibrium after the localised earthquake his upper torso had just endured. His head may have no longer felt like a tortoise caught in a twister but, awkward as he was with receiving or accepting compliments, he found himself struggling for an adequate response.

Luckily Telma was there to offer a change of subject. "Alf, Care for another round."

"Oh, aye, that would be grand and 'ow about a drink for the hero. It's on me!"

Link's stomach rumbled again. "Um, thanks for the offer but I'd actually like to order some…"

CRASH!

The bar door was flung open so hard it bounced back of the stone wall. In burst a positively outlandish visitor, a royal guard wearing armour that appeared to be a size too big for them. They were clearly above standard military rank based on the ornate but dusty horn slung across their breastplate and the plume of feathers billowing forth from their helmet. their face, however, was hidden by their visor. The only clue to their identity was a few strands of raven hair peeking out from under the brim. The oversized armour rattled and creaked like many iron nails being shaken in a saucepan. The whole bar gawked at this bizarre intruder, frozen in shock.

"So…" Came a husky female voice with a highly recognisable twang. "My journey down here hasn't been entirely wasted after all."

It couldn't be…

"Ashei, what have I told you about barging in like that, and that's a brand-new door!" Telma snapped.

Ashei?!

The human percussion set that was Ashei marched towards Link, ignoring Telma's chastisement.

"Well, Link, you would just have to choose my sparring day to come visit, wouldn't you! Not one of my guard duties when I'm in desperate need of diversions, NO, you have to take me away from the best part my job! Whipping my recruit's arses!" With that she finally lifted her visor to reveal a wry smile.

"Nice to see you too, Ashei."

"Yeah, yeah don't get ya panties in a twist, I am glad to see you, ya know… You too Telma."

"Appreciated Ashei, but what I'd appreciate more is for you to tone down your entrance. My door is not one of your recruits in need of a good drumming."

"I'll try and keep that in mind, Telma, anyway I'm in rather a rush" Ashei scoffed and turned back to Link. "So, are you ready to go."

"Well actually I was hoping…"

"Look, Link, we're technically already behind time so let's get going, yeah. See ya Telma." Without waiting for a response, she swung on her heel and clattered towards the exit, with most of the bars eyes still glued to her. It looked like he had no choice but to follow, so Link set off in pursuit.

Catching up in the small stone courtyard outside, the bar ambience replaced by the cacophony of the busy marketplace reverberating down the steps from above, he couldn't help but point out his surprise at her chosen profession. "I've got to say Ashei, joining the royal guard, not something I could ever see you doing, given your low opinion of Hyrule's army. I seem to recall you saying something about sorry excuses for soldiers."

"You'd be right there, however the princess can be mighty persuasive and as much as I loved Snowpeak and the Yetis, there's one thing I love more. A challenge! And what greater challenge is there than trying to transform those bumbling, ball-less, buffoons into an effective fighting force."

As they took the steps up to the street, they had to raise their voices to be heard over the growing sound of the bustling crowd and the creaking armour, which seemed to be hampering Ashei's ascent.

"Any luck?" Link enquired

"Some, though it will be nice to have some more capable competition around, other than Sir Cocksure, the muscle mountain…"

"hey, I don't even know what the princess has planned for me, let alone whether I'll accept it." He interjected

"Oh, I bet you'll accept it, If the princess could persuade me, she can certainly persuade you. Yeah, I know you can't resist helping people." Her voice was a shrill yell by the time they reached the street.

As they joined the street they came upon a roadblock of marketgoers all clustered around three or four stalls.

"Ah, wait a moment… Let me handle this!" Ashei shouted imperiously and strode up to horde. "Make way, royal business coming through, Make Way, Royal Business, Coming Through… ROYAL BUSINESS, COMING THROUGH!" With her commands going unnoticed the raven haired swordmaiden grit her teeth in frustration. She paced across the street, unwilling to simply enter the melee of the jam. Link was about to take the lead and dive in himself when she caught his arm, the lightning of inspiration flashing in her silvery eyes. "OF COURSE! might as well use it for something" She exclaimed with elation before adding "er, you might want to cover your ears."

Link was initially perplexed, until Ashei reached for the horn slung from her shoulder. Upon close inspection, two inescapable observations sprung to mind. The horn was half way to Ashei's lips when Link blurted "Are you sure it'll even work?" noting just how dirty and ill kept the ornate instrument appeared, with a wrinkle of his nose.

"Yeah, sure. Why wouldn't it?" she answered stridently.

"Seriously, look at all that dirt, and I've lived in a tree or on the road most of my life so for me to notice it has to be bad. Where in Hyrule did you keep it?!"

"I know it's dirty!" She snapped, clearly irritated that Link would question her genius. "I couldn't think of much use for it, other than when out hunting, so I kept it in the stable with the horses."

Well that explained things but it still didn't allay his main concern. "Ashei, I don't think this a good idea."

"Nonsense. After all, what's the worst that could happen?" she replied airily.

"Ashei, I really don't think…" he tried again but she would not be dissuaded and was already raising the horn to her lips.

He covered his ears and braced himself, stepping as far away as possible. The instrument, while unkempt, still looked pretty formidable… and as it turns out, it was more than that…

It was devastating!

The horn let rip with the brief but unforgettable sound of a thousand bloated bovines engaging in harmonised wind expulsion. This initial auditory onslaught was accompanied by a bird's nest being fired into the crowd, where, upon impact with an unlucky individual, it exploded, showering all in the immediate vicinity in a cloud of feathers, twigs and mud. The horns magnificent herd, now relieved of their burden, broke into an ear-piercing chorus of mooing.

Pandemonium ensued. Customers ran, dogs howled, glass smashed and produce was sent flying. Within a matter of seconds, the horn had succeeded spectacularly in its' goal of ridding the street of customers, leaving just the smashed remnants of stalls along with their owners, who's looks ranged from shock induced incredulity to rage fuelled insanity. Not even the souvenir stand selling those little "I love Castle Town" mugs emerged unscathed.

There was dead silence.

Ashei lowered the horn slowly, her eyes the size of dinnerplates, seemingly as horrified as everyone else by the catastrophe. After a few seconds surveying the carnage, while the stall owners sharpened the daggers in their eyes, she had just one thing to say…

"That was louder than I expected."