I did promise my double-update, and I will deliver!

I won't lie to you guys. These chapters were difficult for me to write. Despite making my plot-change, I'm still unsettled, but I think that's just because I've started this new story. I'm happy with the quality, though. I'm currently working on chapter three, and while it's coming together, it's doing so slowly. Combine that with writing an original work and editing another, I foresee a delayed (maybe like a Wednesday or Thursday) update in the near future.

2. PATCHWORK

RUNNING WAS EXHILARATING. SUBLIME.

It'd always been like that, though. Even when I was human, I loved to run. I loved the wind in my face, the feeling of absolute freedom, the way I could block everything else out and focus on putting one foot in front of the other.

After the blood, I was able to recognize myself in my own body in increments. I had more control now. I wasn't locked inside my own head. Every step felt like it belonged to me. The speed of which I moved was new, but it almost made things more… exciting? I could react so much faster than before, and I relished how I could turn on a dime and narrowly step past a massive tree. It barely took effort. It was like I was flying. And somehow, I didn't even feel like I was running as fast as I actually could.

But I still took it all in the same way I reacted when I was human. I rolled with the punches. I adapted. It was a comfort to know I was still me, despite everything. So much had changed, but I was still here. And here I would stay.

I think it was because I loved running when I was human, doing it as a vampire made me love it so much more. I saw everything I flitted past, heard everything stirring around me beyond my own footsteps and the rushing air, relished in the wind teasing my hardened yet sensitive skin. I loved being able to see the individual needles on pine trees, and the stars shining through thin cloud cover. It reminded me of when I used to travel at these speeds as a human, carried by someone I was the same as now.

Thinking about him was a wonderful distraction, a welcome one. I compared the power in my new strides to the memory of his. If we raced, would I beat him? His speed always seemed so unfathomable to my weaker senses, but now… maybe things would be different. How much would things change when I finally saw him again?

The width of his broad shoulders under my arm, hard like stone, might feel different under my new fingers. Would he feel it, if I twisted my fingers in his golden hair and pulled him close –

What the hell? I choked on the overwhelming wave of longing that rushed through me, hating the way it twisted uncomfortably in my chest like a living, writhing thing that couldn't be calmed. It was strange, intense, confusing, and even more confusing because I somehow already knew it wouldn't go away until I saw him.

I wished – desperately, hopelessly wished – I was running with him now instead of the vampires flanking my sides.

I tried to block James and Victoria's mere existences out, but it was hard when my overanalytical mind always kept tabs on them. My brain measured how many feet they kept between us, noted how Victoria would take to the trees and wind through the branches in order to scout ahead. She used her entire body to move – hands and feet and arms and legs and her middle – unlike anything I'd ever seen. It was like parkour, but so much more… elegant.

I hated the moments when my thoughts would take an appreciative turn in favor of her speed and dexterity. I hated the curiosity that crawled forward, wanting to learn from her so I could do it too –

I had to remind myself that she probably ran through the trees the same way when she hunted down my mom. When she killed her.

Anger crackled within me like a low burning fire, along with a devastating grief even my sharper mind had trouble fully processing. I needed more time until I could come to terms with all the death I'd faced when I was human. For now, I wanted Victoria dead and I wanted James dead too. With James convinced he won it all, that the game was now over, that there were no more moves to be made, he would be content. It would be the perfect time to start my own game.

But… did it even matter? I'd been turned. I'd already taken human lives. And while I knew what they looked like, and how afraid they had to have been, and the reason why it was all wrong was obvious, the feeling of guilt was hazy. Still, I fought for it. I desperately clung to it just when I thought it would allude me while I found myself drowning in the complete newness of the world I'd been born into.

The desire to even hold onto that guilt itself was always, quickly, squashed by my newborn rationale. Blood was part of my existence. Vampires killed humans. If anything, I should be mad at James for putting me so close to them, when he knew what I'd do to them when I woke up. Killing those people only served to his end. It was the final nail in a hilariously ironic coffin that closed on whatever had been left of my humanity. There was nothing left now. I became the monster he wanted.

Everything was lost.

But… I couldn't not try again. I couldn't not start a new game. Not when I needed to end it on my own terms so badly.

So I kept a firm hold of my guilt. It was the only form of rebellion I could have. For now.

To win I'd have to be stronger. And I'd have to drink more blood.

My throat flared with pain. It'd been only hours since I last hunted, but the countdown in my head started forcing its way to my forethoughts, like when I was human and held my breath too long. I could feel the darkness that'd been born within me stir as I found myself focusing on the sounds of heartbeats while I ran.

I needed to drink.

There. I could hear thunderous hooves and wet, thumping heartbeats of elk running away from us and further into the forest to my right. The tang of their blood hit my palette in a different way than the humans' had. Their taste was dull and earthy compared to the full-bodied warmth I'd woken up to. I already made up my mind to get used to it, though. I wouldn't create another nightmare, even though I didn't know if it mattered anymore. I veered from our path –

A cool rush of air buffeted my side to the right, forcing me away from my next kill. I skidded to a stop, my bare feet digging shallow trenches into the damp soil. It amazed me with how easy it was. I didn't even trip or stumble over myself. One moment I was moving, the next I wasn't. "What are you doing?" James asked, his tone airy and light as if we were having a casual conversation. As if we were friends.

"Didn't you say a newborn's bloodlust is insatiable?" I demanded through my teeth. We'd been sprinting for miles, and I wasn't even out of breath. I was also surprised that I'd recalled such information from my human memories with ease. It was like anything I learned relating to vampires had been carefully stored away while I was changed, ingrained within me like instincts. "I want more. I need to hunt –"

"And hunt you shall, but there isn't anything around here for miles –"

"You mean anyone?" I demanded. "I'm not going to touch another person. I'm not doing what you did to me to anyone else again."

In that moment, I couldn't decide what I loved more: defiance or blood.

Not even a second ticked by. Blood. Blood won. It would always win.

James smirked. "That's such an easy thing to say when you aren't around them," he said. Then he stepped to the side and held his arm out. "But I suppose teenagers will be teenagers. Go on then. Try it. See if their blood will satisfy you the way a human's can. There's only one way to find out."

I darted past him, not slowing down until I was deep under the cover of more trees. I didn't hear him follow me, or Victoria, but I had a feeling it was because they knew I wouldn't run away from them. Maybe James knew I couldn't leave him while I knew he was still alive.

Did that mean my game wasn't so secret? A small part of me hoped so. I didn't want to kill James in a moment of surprise. I wanted him to see it coming, to dread it, to suffer, just like I had to when I was alive.

Oh, I would make sure he suffered.

I slipped around trees like a midnight breeze, tracking the scent of blood and the sound of beating hearts through the darkness. It was harder to get a grasp on this trail and follow it. This blood was wrong, it wasn't what I wanted, but it was what I needed. I wouldn't allow myself to drink anything else. Not now. Not ever again.

My pride – my rebellion – counted on it.

But my new instincts still craved new sustenance. I relived the warmth, the taste, the feeling of completion I'd never known until I destroyed that campsite and those humans. It was so good – so good – good enough to outweigh the faces and screams if I would just let it –

A tiny growl slipped out of my throat at my frustration. I frowned at it and distracted myself. What the hell was up with all the new, random noises I could make now anyway? I probably didn't sound any better than a stray cat.

But then I saw the elk huddled among the trees, let myself become distracted again. Some grazed, some slept, some kept watch for predators like me. I breathed slowly. Their smell was earthy – too earthy. Almost like dirt. But I could still taste the blood. That was enough to set me off.

I lost myself to instinct.

Blood. Everywhere. Again.

I drank it. I bathed in it. I exulted it as it skittered through my dry veins, sending me buzzing with a frenzied high that spurred me on to finish off an entire herd of fifteen oversized deer in a matter of minutes.

Minutes.

What had I become?

And as I drank and maimed and killed, more memories became clear to me. Hot desert sun, James snapping at me, me screaming in the back of a dark car, devastating grief, pain. Not physical pain like the dryness of my throat, but something deeper. It twisted in my chest. I choked out a sob, and I choked on blood.

I lost so much. Would it ever end?

It was off – the blood. There was a sour aftertaste in it that reminded me of bad milk. I wanted to recoil, but the need for it was too strong to resist. I physically couldn't. But that was a good thing, wasn't it? I had to get used to it at some point, defiance came with a price. I had to start now when the pull for anything with a pulse was so intense.

Something moved in the forest ahead of me.

I froze.

I heard it out there, but when I looked into the trees, I saw nothing. I frowned.

Then a softness caressed me. I didn't feel it on my skin, but inside me. It eased the frustration that coiled my muscles so tight and lifted the grief twisting and writhing inside of me. It was still there, but it was like someone was supporting the weight of it. It was a light, joyous thing. Relief. It was relief.

The emotion wasn't mine.

I knew I didn't deserve to feel that way, but I clung to it anyway. I clung to him.

He was somewhere out there in the woods. Close. Watching me. Did that mean he saw what I'd done? That he saw me – the monster? Did he hate it? Would he hate me? I couldn't see him anywhere, but it didn't stop me from reaching for him with my need. I needed him. I needed to go to him – to be with him – I was so, so afraid of it all –

Another emotion answered me. It was gentle and soothing, but so heavy it pressed hard on my chest. It would have crushed me if I were human. I didn't exactly know what the emotion was, but it wasn't hatred, it wasn't disgust, and that was enough for now. He was out there, I needed him –

"Well?" James's voice cracked everything in half. I whirled around to face him, the emotions swirling within me and around me snapping. Disappearing. No… "How was it?"

I could run away now, if I wanted to. I could turn around and run out of James's grasp and land right in his. I knew I could do it. I was so much faster now.

James cocked his head to the side when I didn't say anything. "Blaire?"

But if I ran away now, it would only prolong the inevitable. I would never be able to live and know he and Victoria did too. This would end. And it would end soon.

I grinned at him wide, hoping I bared all my bloodied teeth to him. "Unexpectedly perfect," I said.

He didn't look pleased. "How wonderful. We need to get back to our trail. Victoria is getting anxious that I've left you alone for so long."

She should be.

They both should be.

Just before I could rejoin them on their trail, I felt the whisper of a feeling. A tingle of anticipation. Excitement.

Without words, he knew that I hadn't given up yet. That I was only getting started. My smile softened.

V

AS WE RAN through thickening forest, beyond civilization and into mountains. Now that I was a vampire, doing things like running cross-country in the wilderness proved about the same difficulty level as walking down a sidewalk when I was human. I could think while moving as fast as a car on the highway. I could piece things together. I could plan.

It would happen in Alaska. That was where we were going now, so James could take the other member of his coven back. I remembered the male's bleary form in the baseball field, but not his name. It felt like such a long time ago. Why was he there again?

Most of my planning involved trying to remember minute details from my human life, pull them from the muddy waters and add it to a sort of patchwork quilt of a plan. The pieces were messy and uneven, but they were there. I racked my brain for hours, making sure I got every detail just right.

Then we hit a road.

It was a desolate stretch of highway carved out of rocks and forest, soaked by a thick mist that had rolled into the world only fifteen minutes earlier. James lifted a hand, forcing Victoria and I to skid to a stop at his sides. The world was quiet, except for the rumbling of an engine that sounded distant even to my own ears.

"Blaire," James said.

I didn't answer him. I didn't need to.

"You're going to give us another demonstration."

V

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