Oh no, look out, long author's note ahead...

HUGE SHOUT OUT ALERT! I want to reach out and thank Krista a second time here for her donation to my ko-fi! I was legitimately having a whole existential crisis over my writing in general (which happens every other month or so) and the notification I got that said you supported me seriously made my day. Like, seriously. Writing for me has been such a solitary, soul-searching process as I continue to strive and do better with my craft, and sometimes I get very bogged down by everything. I'm trying to make writing books my career, and sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough. This past week has been especially brutal for me, and this notification was like a flicker of life. I'm so grateful, Krista. You've given me a boost to my confidence I desperately needed. Thank you.

In regard to my ko-fi account, I had a guest comment asking about my posting about the page and its existence at the bottom of every chapter. I addressed this on my ko-fi account, but for everyone who doesn't check the page often or even at all, I wanted to reiterate stuff here.

I'M NOT ASKING YOU GUYS TO PAY ME TO WRITE THIS FANFICTION. That would be completely against copyright laws and a thousand percent illegal. The commenter tried to use "payments" and "donations" within the same category, BUT THOSE ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS. Payments are what is given for a service or product by obligation. Donations are what is given after the result of a service or product, beyond obligation. As I specify at the bottom of every chapter, ko-fi is a tip jar. If you would like to leave a donation for me because you enjoy me creating, that's seriously awesome and amazing and means the whole world to me because your author pal here is a starving artist, but IT IS NOT A REQUIREMENT. AT ALL. So, at the end of the day, you guys still get my content for free. Does this make sense? I hope this doesn't come across as waspish, but I do want to set the record straight, and if anyone has further questions, please don't hesitate to let me know!

ANYWAYS, I'm so, so, so, so, so sorry for the delay of this update. Life and work and original projects are a struggle bus and I'm doing my best to keep up. This chapter was also agonizing to write, and I think it's because I miss Jasper so much. You guys don't even understand. WHRE IS HE? Also, the ever-amazing Tumblr user READINGISLOVING made a banner for SAVAGE (and I'm mad that you didn't even tell me omg) so you should totally check that out. IF YOU MAKE ANY KIND OF FAN ART FOR THIS STORY PLEASE LET ME KNOW BECAUSE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE IT.

For a general update, I've been not working on SAVAGE in order to edit one of my original works. I'm trying to get it polished up in time for a big writing contest on Twitter known as Pitch Wars. Has anyone heard of it here? I'm really excited about just having the opportunity to enter this year. Even if I don't get accepted, I'll at least have another manuscript ready to query future agents! I'm super nervous, because I have about six chapters left to revise, and then I have to work on an official query letter and synopsis. Let me tell you guys, it's kinda terrifying.

Speaking of terrifying, enjoy this chapter!

4. VIOLENCE

I tore through the forest, bounding over rocks and narrowly dodging trees. I forced my senses to open themselves up wide for any sign of James. Or any sign of struggle.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! How could I have been such an idiot? How could I let myself become so distracted?! I knew I wasn't safe, and that no one around me was safe until I killed James and Victoria once and for all, but I couldn't have a moment? Just one second of peace?

The answer was obviously no. People drowning only felt peace in the seconds before they died. And leaving him out there, with James, alone –

Clearly, dying taught me nothing. I was still the same as I had been before. I was still running into James's plans, still scrambling to make sure everyone I cared about was safe, still willing to do anything to make sure they wouldn't have to pay the price for these vampires' obsession.

Over the course of the near forty-eight hours I spent with them, I could pick up James's scent. I could taste the thin trail of citrus and musk that constantly radiated from him amongst the moss and damp of the Pacific Northwest. It was faint, but bright enough to follow.

I found him in a clearing, surrounded by towering trees. He spun around himself, a snarl set on his usually congenial features. Something set him off. Someone was pissing him off. Good. Nothing had happened yet. Nothing was going to, now that I was here.

My mind was made up on my next step. When I was human, waiting for the opportune time had gotten me nowhere. I needed to act. Now. I pumped my legs hard once, twice, three times, four –

I launched myself out into the clearing with a primal screech. Overwhelming rage consumed me, the anger I kept tucked close to my chest was finally released. I'd never felt so free.

I tackled James to the ground, and I let myself go. In seconds, whatever humanity I had left was swept up into a space in the back of my mind, held in a safe space above water while the rest of me plunged into fury.

My fingers dug into his skin, gripping, pulling. Loud squeals and cracks filled my ears as I tore at his flesh. I was breaking him. I was winning. Why was I so scared? I could hear my manic, frenzied laugh over James's building growl that seemed to shake the very air around me. Terror gripped at my chest with icy fingers. I wasn't winning. I was out of my element. Again.

James grabbed my shoulders and flung me off of him. I flew across the clearing, tumbling across the ground. I upturned earth and sparse undergrowth, catching myself by clawing into soil. My breathing was fast and heavy as I kept my eyes open wide and focused wholly on James.

He pulled himself upright in seconds, yanking off the remaining scraps I left of his shirt. It exposed the broadness of his chest, the cracks and divots I made in his body, and his absolute strength I wasn't prepared for. And I would have to fight him, or die trying.

Well, it was too late to go back now.

I bared my teeth at him, scrambling back on all fours as he advanced on me. Memories flashed at the forefront of my thoughts of a moment just like this, except blurrier and darker, in a ballet studio far away from here. The fear and helplessness settling in the pit of my stomach I felt was the same as it had been before. So much had changed, yet so much was still the same.

"So, you do know that he's out there," James said. "Does he know how well we've taken care of you? Does he know everything you've done since you've woken anew?"

Did he? Did he know that I killed all of those people at the campsite by myself? Or did he see the truck I singlehandedly turned over just so I could kill its driver? Did he know that I wasn't the same girl I used to be anymore? That girl had been left behind in Forks on a soccer field. All the lighthearted optimism I once held for life and the world remained with her like some kind of gravestone, so I could at least see her in my mind's eye. Did he know there was only a writhing, wicked, monstrous thing left in that girl's shell now?

And it was all James's fault.

James shrugged. The simple rise and fall of his shoulders was enough to make me take a few steps back. I held my body close to the ground, the tips of my fingers brushing along the cool, damp earth, ready to spring at a moment's notice. When James smiled, he flashed his teeth, displaying the threat he truly was. "Does he know how easily it was for you to become the violence?"

I snarled at him, the noise unfurling from my chest and breaking the air in half. "Maybe we should show him."

I threw myself at James. Wind whistled through my ears before the deafening collision made them ring. My hands fisted into his body, trying to tear at everything I could at once, my teeth sinking into his once perfect skin. I would break it. I would break him. I knocked him into the ground, rolling over ferns and roots with feral snarls growls. James was right. I was the violence now. I would show him. I would show the world what I was capable of.

But James was just as cruel, and he didn't make the same mistake twice. While I went for the same goal of trying to tear him apart by any means, he'd somehow entangled his limbs in mine, contorted himself to bring his knees up. Then he kicked both feet into my chest.

I flew back. My back hit the trunk of a pine tree, and an earsplitting CRACK! sent both the tree and I downwards. I barely felt it, but the world did spin for a moment. It was a moment too long, because it gave James the opportunity to walk toward me. His arms were raised, ready to bring them down on top of me with a roar –

I skittered out of the way, dirt clods flying in my wake as I desperately clambered around trees. I tried to put as much space in between us as I could. I knew I needed enough room to lunge at James again. Despite my new strength, he had ways of outmaneuvering me when we were close. To beat him, I'd have to throw my weight and keep pressing.

"Your eyes betray your mind, Blaire!" James said. I glanced back and slowed down when I realized he was upright and only walking behind me. Even though he looked relaxed, it didn't relax me. I wouldn't drop my guard for a second. I stayed low to the ground, my muscles taut and screaming for release. "And I see how your thoughts race. You're learning!"

He sounded so happy. I bared my teeth at him.

He grinned at me. "Are you finally learning the truth? Are you finally seeing that this was what you were always meant for?"

He took another step closer to me, putting us ten feet apart. He spread his arms wide. I immediately sprung out of the way, rolling through the foliage until I was twenty feet away. I crouched in the ferns as a low hiss boiled up my throat.

But James hadn't tried to advance. His arms were still out, and his smile – It was like he'd achieved enlightenment. It was like he was inviting me to do the same. My skin prickled with disgust.

"The ruthlessness in you, your rage – It was always so wasted in your human form," James went on, lowering his arms. "You were never able to be who you truly were."

I rolled my eyes while I waited for him to move, to do something – anything. All his talking was driving me insane.

James tilted his head to the side. "I wouldn't have chosen you if I didn't know your darkness. You know that. You've already proven it over and over again, whether you wanted to or not. Don't you remember sending one of your little classmates to the hospital? Victoria could smell the blood you spilt from her vantage point outside of the school in the nearby forest."

The memory was hazy and red, filled with nothing but rage and blood. My throat burned for it all the same. I hated it.

"Don't you remember the way you swore you'd kill me?" James pressed. "Bloodstained and broken, you still tried to end it all then and there. You were so angry that asked me to bite you – to turn you into the thing you hate… just to end me."

My fingers curled into the earth. It was true, wasn't it? Didn't I dare him to make that bite? Yes, because I'd been so tired of feeling helpless. I wanted power. I wanted to claim it in whatever way I could.

James's smile hardened at the edges when he seemed to realize my thoughts, too. "After that, how could I not turn you? My monster had been unleashed, and you had never been more beautiful. You're still exquisite, when you embrace it. Your savagery carried you so far, child. It carried you through death. It carried you to me."

Had it really been there this whole time? Before this new life? Before I even met James?

"Why do you fight it?" James asked.

I frowned. Then I straightened up. "Honestly…" I admitted, "I don't know anymore."

Holding back certainly never won out in my favor. If I could only win by embracing my darkest impulses, I would accept them with open arms.

I would start by killing James. If he thought my killing a few innocent people was exquisite, then I'd let him die thinking I was a vision of divinity.

I glanced up at the treetops as an image of Victoria bounding from branches flashed through my mind, along with an idea.

The forest flew under my feet. My hands grappled the thickest trunk I could find, and I pulled myself up. The movements were so easy, the strength just as natural. My chest heaved as I pulled in breath after breath, tasting James's scent, tracking it when my eyes only caught blips of his form through the lush greenery. He hadn't moved from his spot, staring up at me with a glimmer in his red, red eyes. I twisted my body around and dropped on him.

This would end here.

The ground, and James, came up at me fast –

Then a weight dropped on top of me. James disappeared.

I crashed into the ground.

Silence enveloped the forest.

I choked on the smell of earth crushing my nose and filling my mouth. I clawed at the dirt, but the weight on top of me kept me from moving. I twisted my head to the side, gasping for fresher air, and caught a flash of orange out of the corner of my eye. Victoria.

She grabbed one of my arms and wrenched it uncomfortably behind my back. Panic shot through me. I flailed against her.

James sighed. "And here I thought we were making a breakthrough."

I tried to stifle the rapid rise and fall of my chest as I sucked in lungfuls of air, pulling in every part of the forest at dizzying speeds. My lungs were expanding so fast, I thought they would explode. I still tried to pull away from Victoria, but she pressed her knee into my back, pinning me to the ground.

"I thought you would see what we were achieving together, Blaire," James went on, always talking. Always trying to make some elaborate point that no one would understand except for him. "I wanted you to understand on your own, but if this is how it's going to be… You see how I can't entertain that forever, don't you?"

What?

"Maybe I've been too lenient with you," James mused, as if to himself. "Too indulgent of your tantrums. I thought if I gave you enough time, you would understand. But we don't have much time left. Not when we're on a schedule and have a few… pressures on us. Perhaps you need to learn what the alternative is if you don't join us willingly."

Victoria's weight suddenly left me. Before I could move, I was trapped under someone much heavier. My arm twisted a little more. It didn't hurt, but it scared me enough to pull a frightened scream from me.

James's fingers brushed the hair that had gotten in my face away from my eyes, exposing him looming over me. "I'll settle for an ultimatum," he said. "Call your mate out now, or I'll finish what we started at the campsite."

He… He was going to rip off my arm.

I thrashed against him, but it was no use. I thought I was supposed to be strong! But James had wrenched my body at an awkward angle, forcing me to not have enough weight anywhere to use to my advantage. I was trapped –

A sharp crack! made my shoulder buckle and sent fire through my entire arm. I jolted at the sudden pain and screamed.

It was fire – all fire racing through my arm. I didn't even have the time to catch my breath when James twisted again, pulling another shriek from me.

"Call him," James goaded me while I panted. "He's waiting."

"No!" I screamed. I couldn't. I wouldn't put anyone else in more danger because of me. I wouldn't give James the satisfaction of manipulating any more people.

People… Were we even still people? The question inexplicably drew me to a muddled memory of a room full of desks under harsh lights as I glared into golden eyes. I'd asked that question before… hadn't I?

Just like before, I corrected myself. There were no people anymore. We were all monsters here.

James pulled my arm again, pulling me back to present, forcing liquid fire from my shoulder down the rest of my body. I screamed through clenched teeth. I flailed, but my body barely moved. I pulled in large gulps of air, flecks of dirt flying into my lungs.

Those golden eyes had been so desperate the last time I saw them, black with hunger and despair. I tried to let myself get swept up in a memory of buttery yellow – of some place peaceful and safe compared to the pain and terror threatening to swallow me whole.

Rage and desperation slammed into me, curling around every nerve in my body, the desire to fight and the need for it so strong it numbed the pain in my shoulder. Such desperation. Such need rattled me and echoed in my bones. I needed him. I needed him.

But I wouldn't call him. I couldn't. I wouldn't give James that satisfaction. He already had me. He wouldn't have anyone else. James couldn't have him.

"Call. Him." I felt the snarl in James's voice hit my spine.

My own snarl echoed his. "Never."

I would be stronger than the pain James tried to inflict on me. I would let James tear me apart if that meant he didn't get hurt. I was ready for whatever happened next.

James twisted my shoulder. I clenched my jaw tight as a spiral of fire shot through the joint, only allowing a small whine to escape.

James said he would do anything for me. I would do this for him.

"Last chance, Blaire." James's voice was soft, shaking with a growl he didn't let loose.

I squeezed my eyes shut. Behind my lids, golden eyes met mine.

CRACK! SNAP!

An inferno roared through me, blinding me with white brilliance. I couldn't hold back the screams. The fire was encompassing and horrifying, taking over my entire body like it had during the change. It only lasted for a moment, I knew, but it might as well had been an eternity.

When I finally managed to open my eyes, they fluttered as bright shafts of sunlight broke through the cloud cover overhead. It filtered through branches of the trees and splayed across little patches of forest floor.

It was the perfect spotlight to cast on my dismembered arm laying a few feet in front of me.

And it shimmered.

V

Lol yikes amiright?

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