I'M ALIVE!

And I'm thriving, nerds. The reason why I haven't uploaded in a hot minute is because I've been caught up with Pitch Wars submissions (my experience has been, in one word: encouraging), and then I started writing a super fun new project that's very close to my heart. Y'all, I'm soft for this story. It's my fav.

This chapter is, too, especially now that it's finally done. I struggled with this a lot, went back and forth about how I should write it in a way that wouldn't disappoint you guys and still be good for Blaire's character arc, and... it kind of stressed me out to the point that I would open the story's doc and freeze because I was legit terrified.

But we're finally here, and she turned out cute... ish, so I'm happy.

I wanted to post a couple of shoutouts, because some lovely people donated to my ko-fi while I was away! HUGE THANKS to eeeeaud and Krista! Your support definitely pushed me to finish this chapter!

5. RESURFACE

THE BEST OFFENSE WAS A good defense.

A simple rule to sportsmanship – one that was pounded into my head since I could dribble a soccer ball between my feet – that guided me even now.

There was no beating James. No advancing. I could only defend what I held so close to my heart when I was human. What little there was left of it was precious. Sacred. I kept it locked away in the back of my mind, contained while the rest of me exploded into a million pieces.

I sprinted through more forests and dove into more lakes, and I killed any living thing in my path whether James commanded it or not.

Because he was right. There was a darkness within me, and it liked to wreak havoc on the world. Had it always been there? I couldn't remember. Maybe I had always been able to channel it through sports. That was where letting rage pour out over a painted field was not only acceptable, but encouraged. As long as I kept within the white lines, I could do whatever I wanted to meet my end. That had been enough when I was human.

But now I was so much more, and so was my playing field. It was boundless, which suited me just fine since I could run so much farther now. The savage instincts I'd been fighting since I woke up took over as soon as I processed that my limbs could be entirely removed.

The pain had been overwhelming and endless and I was lost to it. Tearing my arm off was like tearing tore a hole in my throat, too, and I needed blood. Like a wounded animal, I went wild with the instinct to survive. There was no fighting the thirst. There was only meeting it.

Red flowed along the forest floor in a five-mile radius.

That was when I learned I could also be put back together. After all, I was so much sturdier now, too.

A thick line circled around the joint where my shoulder and arm met, like a scar. A mark that would remain there for the rest of my existence, Victoria assured me.

Because it wasn't a life anymore.

Even as I pushed my body to new limits every day, there was no excitement. I didn't feel the rush of clearing hundreds of feet in a single leap. I didn't feel the bark of the branches under my feet or in my palms as I chased after Victoria in the treetops and learned her intricate style of running. The dramatic sight of a hidden waterfall or the vibrancy of a sunrise slicing through the night did nothing for me.

I was dead in more ways than one.

But I would learn to suffer through it.

And while I ran and killed, I pretended I was somewhere else.

I pretended I was running down a soccer field, passing a ball between my feet. I made up teammates and opponents, and constructed games with intricate plays. These games felt so real, whenever I imagined I made a goal, I almost heard faint cheers of fans echoing in my ears.

Other times I imaged laying on a small twin bed covered with a purple comforter. Rain pattered outside a nearby window. Bella would sit across from me, her face hidden behind a book because I couldn't quite remember her features right. I would mostly stare at her ceiling and trace the lines of the glow-in-the-dark stars and moons and planets I helped her stick up there when we were kids. I hoped she knew how much I loved her.

When things were too hard, when I found myself drowning in too much blood and hurt, I imagined sitting in a dark car while a night-black world whipped past. I imagined him in the driver's seat beside me, golden hair glowing in the dashboard lights. Like Bella, I couldn't see the details of his face, but I focused on how he made me feel. Steady. Calm. I reveled in those quiet daydreams.

This world was so obviously nothing without him in it.

Where was he?

I kept running so I wouldn't find out, hoping to outrun him. I followed Victoria through the trees because it was harder to track my scent that way. There was a reason she taught me. Even James moved with more stealth below us, weaving around the tree trunks, always glancing behind us. I refused to hope it was because he was cautious, but…

Things had been different since James ripped off my arm. He was just as quiet as Victoria now. He didn't say anything unless he found an unsuspecting human he wanted me to kill, but watching me hunt didn't seem to amuse him like it had. It seemed like he only made the commands for… for show. Everything he did only seemed to be for show, now. Every time he touched me, he exaggerated his movements. Whether it was letting his fingers trail along my cheek, or dropping his arm over my shoulders to yank me flush into his side, it was all dramatic and obvious flashes of dominance and possession.

They were small acts of rebellion against an oppressive force that was closing in fast. It had been ever since my arm had been torn, and I'd given up all hope. A terrible stillness had flattened the woods around us. Something dark and violent had been unleashed. Someone else took up my game.

But I didn't want him to. Not when I knew there was no winning it. So I tried to outrun him. I could save him from James if I kept him far enough away. It was a poor defense, but it was all I could do.

We were getting closer to Alaska. The air was getting colder, and I swore I caught the sight of tiny snowflakes melting midair on strong breezes. Snow began to line the ground. We were closer to meeting the other member of James's coven.

I was used to the stark silence of the mountains, James, and Victoria now. Our feet barely crunched through thin snow. Tree limbs snapped and snow flared out as we tore past them. I imagined they were fans going wild over an indirect attack that allowed one of my faceless forwards to make a winning goal.

We followed our path down the slope of a steep hill –

Then James took a sharp intake of breath. It sounded like a gunshot in the dead of night. I wheeled around, snow spraying at my ankles. Victoria did the same. James was already stopped behind us, tall and alert. I flinched and crouched low to the ground when a smile teased at his mouth. "Finally –"

No.

The world went dark.

It went dark with rage, and it was starving. It would swallow up every star in the sky. It would devour me whole. Absolute fury made the ground shake – or maybe it was just me wilting and trembling under the weight of such emotion – and it was set upon us.

He was here.

I shrunk down even lower, brushing my fingers along the thin snow. An icy chill that I hadn't felt since my arm had been pulled off met my fingertips. I sucked in a breath, tasting pine and dirt and the moisture in the air, but not him. Where was he?

"James," Victoria said.

Where was he –

FWOOSH!

A dark figure burst out from the trees behind me and slammed Victoria into the ground. She snarled under the form of another female vampire, her teeth bared and shining under the starlight.

FWOOSH!

Another bigger form – a male vampire – pounced on James from the upper boughs of a pine. The two wrestled in the snow. They'd both been right on top of us – How didn't we know they were here –?

I scrambled away from the sudden fight that broke out on either side of me, snow flying up and powdering in the air around me –

And then he appeared at the top of the hill.

The moon and starlight outlined his broad shoulders in silver, cast dramatic shadows along the angles of his face, bleached his messy blond hair, and was gobbled up by the blackness of his eyes. They were darker than any night sky. Void of life and fear. And they were wholly fixed on me.

He only wore pants, boots, and a white V-neck T-shirt, exposing his bare arms. They were covered with half-crescent scars, along with his neck and chest – there was even a mark on the side of his jaw. I shuddered. They were bite marks. They were signs of the countless fights he saw and won. He was strong. Formidable. A threat. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.

The anger whipping around us broke for a split-second, allowing another emotion in just for me. It was that same heavy, gentle thing I remembered from the forest. That emotion that told me he was here. That he would always be here.

A snarl ripped from James. I spun around just as he broke free of the male vampire's hold and charged me. A weak growl rumbled in my chest –

But he was already down the hill, flitting past me and lunging for James. They collided into the ground. The other male vampire jumped in, too. Victoria snarled next, but she was no match for the female vampire I didn't recognize. Her sandy brown hair was cut short, and her burgundy eyes flickered from me to the wrestling males. Her growl exposed her teeth. I frowned at her. Who was she?

"Jasper!" the female snapped, her voice sharp like a whip that carried a distinct twang. "I have an opening!"

Jasper…

Jasper Whitlock.

Memories came in waves. Blurred, flickering moments of sitting behind each other in dim classrooms, hiding in libraries where I could listen to the velvety depths of his voice and it would be the only sound, sitting beside him in cars while wind whipped through my hair, the weight of his arm over my shoulders, his whispered encouragements that bolstered my pride and made me strong, a bond that existed between us and kept us tethered to one another.

It positively vibrated between us now. It was desperate and wild, and I had no idea what to do with it except want.

"Don't!" Jasper commanded, gaining the upper hand when the other male wrestled James under his weight. "That's her right!"

His lips moved beautifully, and his voice brushed against me like velvet. I stopped breathing when I heard it. I was so distracted by his sight and his sound that I only understood what he said belatedly.

The female vampire gave me a look before she forced more of her weight onto Victoria. A small part of me bristled at it. What was her problem –?

"Blaire!"

My name barely made it from his mouth before I was looking his way. Anticipation and warmth crawled along my skin when I met his eyes.

"You can finish this now."

My knees shook with the softness that came from his voice, and then with terror from what he said.

James suddenly tossed the strange male vampire off of him and darted back just out of their reach. He grinned at me. "Yes, Blaire, finish it," he said. "What do you have in mind for your spectacular ending? Didn't you try to show me in that forest a few hundred miles back?"

My shoulder stung with a phantom pain. I curled my fingers into fists.

"It was a shame your mate couldn't step in then," he went on. "I wonder where he was. Makes you wonder if he even cared –"

Jasper snarled. A fresh wave of rage crested through the air. He crouched, ready to lunge at James again. James grinned at the challenge –

It was a trap. He wanted to goad Jasper into attacking him, so he would have the advantage.

It forced me into action. I shot forward, closer to James, even though I was still shaking. He glanced me up and down, then shrugged. "Either way, it's a shame you couldn't do it on your own. I know how much you hoped you could. Imagine if you had more time with your sires – How much could you have learned?"

I sucked in ragged breaths, trying to keep myself calm.

"We had fun in the meantime, though, didn't we?" James said, still smiling. I hated that smile. He looked past me. "Do you see what I did with your little toy? Have you seen the weapon she's become? The monster she was always meant to be?"

I knew Jasper had seen it all, but I never knew what he thought. He wasn't saying anything now.

James laughed with manic delight. "That weak little human you met isn't here anymore!"

No, she wasn't. She was made of much more, now, no matter what anyone thought. Slowly, a low snarl built up in my chest and made its way out. James finally looked back at me.

"You know if you kill me, it'll only prove I was right about everything," he said.

"James!" Victoria snapped. Her voice betrayed her panic. It almost sounded like mine when I begged her not to kill my mother.

There was a reason why I was doing this. Why I kept throwing myself into danger over, and over, and over again.

I narrowed my eyes at James. "Let's hope you were."

James's smile actually fell. It was all the invitation I needed.

One more time. I could do this one last time.

I lunged.

James and I collided, and the sound of our stone-like bodies crashing against each other made it seem like the world was cracking apart.

It was a flurry of clawing at one another, snarls, and roars. I kept pushing, kept advancing on James and refused to let him get away. I tore at his skin, creating more spiderweb-like cracks along his chest left bare after I ruined his shirt, or on his jaw when I punched him once, twice, three times –

James growled and caught my neck with one of his large hands. He lifted me off the ground with ease. He squeezed hard. My skin splintered in my ears. Fire roared through me, but I wouldn't let go. I wouldn't give up.

"Blaire!"

Jasper didn't have to worry. James was just performing another spectacle. I wouldn't let him act anymore.

I reached out and grabbed James by his own throat. Then I kicked my legs up and snapped my heels into the arm that held me up.

CRACK!

His arm gave out from under me and nearly tore away from his own shoulder. The irony made me laugh as a twisted sense of excitement fueled me to keep going. All of those beautiful, disgusting daydreams of killing James once and for all played through my mind like a slideshow. Especially when I rounded him and pounced, forcing him to his knees. I grabbed his neck and pulled –

The cracking, splintering sounds that followed were like music to my ears.

So was Victoria's desperate scream. "No!"

"Yes!" I screamed back at her, pulling harder. James tried to reach back with his only hand, fisting it in my hair, my clothes, but it was no use. I barely felt him through the high of finally winning. I twisted his head to an awkward angle.

Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

"Yes!" I screamed again.

I looked at Victoria as she struggled under the weight of the unknown female vampire and her unknown male counterpart. But I could only focus on Victoria's face twisted in pure, unadulterated fear. I grinned.

"Beg me!" I yelled. "Beg!"

I wanted to make her beg like I had to.

"Please!" she sobbed. "Please don't!"

Her pain fueled me. It made me so strong. It made me come alive.

"We'll leave you alone!" she went on. I almost laughed at the childish promise. "We'll leave! You'll never see us again, please, I swear it!"

I bared my teeth at her and leaned down to James's ear. "Your monster is here."

I jerked my hands with one sharp twist, and watched Victoria's face the entire time.

CRACK!

Her expression crumpled in wretched despair. The very light in her eyes died when James's body dropped. The scream she unleashed echoed across the mountains.

I roared back.

V

Just so we're all aware, this story is going all the way through New Moon. My updates will be slow, but I'm not going to abandon this story, and I will write it to the end.

If you enjoy my writing and would like to support me in my creative endeavors, I've set up a ko-fi page (basically an online tip-jar). The link, spelled out, is ko-fi dot com forward-slash TwitchWalkerTexasRanger. Please consider donating if you want to help your local Texas Ranger out!

I also appreciate comments! Your words have the power to make my day! If you write something super nice, super crazy, or have any general questions, I take screenshots and post them on my ko-fi page with responses!

I have quite the bundle waiting for me, so expect some updates on that soon. Sorry for the delay on that.