A.N: Hello again, ladies and gentlemen. Here, for your reading pleasure is another chapter, and my goodness what a battle it's been to make it. I'm tweaking here, I'm tweaking there, I seem to be tweaking everywhere. Is it half decent, that I can't tell, all I can hope is that it goes down well.
As always, I hope you enjoy it and feedback is much appreciated. Thank you to all those who have left reviews. They help, both as motivation and as a guide, so keep them coming.
Chapter 17 – News and Noisy Neighbours
Hyrule castle infirmary – 183 days A.G
The sun peeked like a cautious voyeur through the stained-glass window and assaulted Link's weary eyes with its offensively cheery tangerine glow. It wasn't that he hadn't been expecting it. He'd been staring at the window for the last half hour, simply wishing the day would get a move on and arrive. After all, the sooner the days came and went, the sooner he could be out of this accursed infirmary!
Ok, it wasn't really an accursed place on its own. What made it so was that, after who knows how many hours of turbulent sleep, interrupted by run away thoughts, stabbing pains and… chamber pots… he'd suffered yet further misfortune with the acquisition of two new neighbours. Two rather mouthy neighbours by the names of Rodrick and Quince.
Link's only acquaintance with this dynamic duo of class clowns had occurred at the hilt of a practice sword. He had, however, received many a "colourful report" on them, courtesy of their beleaguered commanding officer, none other than Ashei. Since the twilight invasion, a rigorous programme had been set in motion, to revolutionise Hyrules armies, backed by royal decree and spearheaded by the blunt swordmaiden and the great hero. Success had initially been slow but as Link overcame some of his social shortcomings and the soldiers actually began to rediscover pride in their work, progress had rapidly escalated. Unfortunately, such developments had seemingly eluded these two, as their reason for being here abundantly demonstrated.
Link didn't know the specifics but he did know they'd both been admitted to the infirmary with concussions and bruising, having attempted to back flip up the servant's spiral staircase, following a little illicit raid on one of the castle wine cellars. Despite this bruising and brain bashing it seemed the preceding crash had done little to dampen their cheery disposition or, much to Link and the nurse's mutual annoyance, their power of speech. In all fairness though, judging by their current topic of conversation, their brains were wholly surplus to requirements and clearly not all poetry was born of intellect.
"… from Gabanoom,
who took a lesbian up to 'is room,
They lay on the bed,
and suddenly said,
who does what, with what and to 'om?"
Rodrick, a black-haired youth who Link presumed to be around eighteen, finished his reverent recital with gleeful aplomb, as his partner in crime rocked on his bed with laughter and the nurse just shook her head. Having already made numerous failed attempts to silence the duo, she'd seemingly surrendered to the inevitable stream of verbal diarrhoea with little more than the occasional reproachful look in response. Then again, Link supposed that she was used to far worse… like clearing up the real thing.
Quince, blonde and rather baby faced, though presumably the same age as his comrade, finally calmed his laughter enough to respond. "Man, I haven't heard that one before but it sure is a banger. Where'd ya hear it?"
"Oh, from ya know, Aspan. Know 'im? Well we got talkin' in mess and 'e's got plenty more like that and some really weird as well. Heard this one?"
Great! Link rolled his eyes. Just what he needed! More dirty limericks!
"There once was an adventurous diver,
Who rescued a Zora reviver,
She applauded 'er saviour,
And lauded 'is favour,
And they spent the day swapping saliva"
Quince chuckled before feigning a gag. "Man, who would come up with something like that? Aspan must be a freak!"
"Nah, the man's alright. Besides 'e didn't come up with that one. It's apparently 'istoric, 'bout some ancient 'ylian 'ero who saved some Zora bint, some princess with magic healin' powers or somethin'. Well, the princess proposed. Don't know if the guy accepted…"
"Well I wouldn't. Gross. Who'd wanna marry a fish? Think of the slime, the stench, the long tongue…"
"Er, I think ya thinkin' of snakes!?"
"Ah whatever, it's still freaky… Hey this ancient hero right. Ya think he could be related to, ya know…?" Quince completed his question by jabbing his head in Link's direction with all the subtlety of an arrow to the eye.
Rodrick dismissed the notion with a shake of his head and a snort. "Ya think Link would be related to a fish flinger?" Craning his neck to look round his friend to meet the hero's cool gaze, he yelled. "Aye Link, any 'istory of fish flinging in ya family?"
Could these twerps get any more insufferable?! It wasn't their grating voices, their lack of any semblance of self-awareness or their vulgar topics of discussion that had him grinding his teeth though. The question of his heritage struck far harder than Sir Halshaw's boot in his chest, not because he was insulted by its obnoxious insinuations, but because it highlighted how empty the pages of his own family history were. He knew nothing of his actual lineage, only that they were more than happy to abandon him in a dangerous forest as a helpless infant. If Rusl hadn't stumbled upon him, crying into a bundle of blankets, the sole thing his real parents had the courtesy of giving him, he would have surely died.
Link's only reply was a terse growl of "no".
It seemed from their reactions to his response that they hadn't actually expected an answer and Link couldn't supress a groan as he realised he had just announced his engagement in their conversation. It was a chance the duo were clearly eager to exploit.
"So Link, ya got any poetry for us. If ya know what I mean?"
"No" The hero mumbled.
"Alright then, what about stories?"
"No" A little more emphatic.
"Come on man, we're not askin' for war stories. Come on, the last girl you slept with?"
"NO!" His voice boomed like thunder, hoping to ward them off from further prying.
The duo exchanged looks and Rodrick whispered "Either 'e's bent as a bill'ook or those rumours are true", receiving a nod of agreement from Quince. With their little, not so private, confab finished, Rodrick was suddenly struck by an epiphany. Either that or he was passing wind. Hard to tell with such 24 carat idiocy. He turned to Link and asked gormlessly. "Aye 'ero, 'ow come you're even 'ere?"
"I got injured"
"Yeah but…" Rodrick began only to be interrupted by an excited exclamation from Quince, much to Link's relief. He really didn't feel like explaining to these two dimwits. "Oh, oh I think I know! Didn't you hear about the duel yesterday. Link duelled Sir Cocksure…"
"Oh well that expla…"
"No, no, He beat him! Yeah apparently, he thrashed him! Even despite the twat resorting to cheating and roping his squire in on the fight, he still got served a piss pummelling defeat…"
Quince launched into a fantastically sensationalised account of yesterday's fateful holmgang, revelling in the fictionalised thrashing of a man they were clearly none too fond of. Link felt no desire to interrupt, instead marvelling at the work that had gone into embellishing and exaggerating his victory, a bemused smile creeping on to his lips, despite himself. Clearly whoever Quince had heard the story from hadn't witnessed their close fought duel either or the shock of Sir Halshaw's winning streak being cut short scrambled the witness's brain. Nevertheless, he supposed the exaggerated spin couldn't hurt.
Meanwhile, said highly fictionalised account of his victory rapidly drew to a close much to Rodrick's confusion. "Aye look, don't get me wrong. I've loved 'earing 'bout Sir Arsewipe's long overdue thrashing. Damn I'm ecstatic the prick finally got pounded 'arder than a bitch at a brothel, but what 'as that got to do with 'ero boy 'ere?"
"That's cos I ain't finished. See, Link had just won when the princess shows up to tell everyone and, get this, told everyone that Halshaw senior is out! Done! Finito!"
"You serious?!"
"Yeah! Junior apparently flipped his shit and challenged her royal highness to a butt contest and…"
"Oh, well that contest was a forgone conclusion then. The princess has one of the finest butts in the land."
By this point, even Quince seemed to have grown tired of his friend's incessant sexual references. "Man, don't you think you overdo it a bit?.. Hey wait a sec. How'd you know about the princess's, ahem, posterior?"
Link was surprised either of the duo had such a long word in their vocabulary, given their apparent level of intellect but this, it turned out, was just the start.
"Ah Quince, Surely ya know by now that I'm a connoisseur par excellence when it comes to juicy derrieres. I may never 'ave seen it in its full naked glory but…" Rodrick sniggered, leaving Link momentarily baffled, only to pick up the unintentional pun just before the self-professed butt connoisseur continued "…but I know more than enough 'bout ladies dresses, specifically 'ow to remove 'em, that even 'er royal 'ighness's fancy frippery can do little to disguise her cush tush."
These comments had the straight-laced hero bristling again, though, much to his discomfort, he couldn't pinpoint the primary reason they irked him so much. Was it the audacity of the man discussing the revered princess in such a tawdry manner or the fact that such words had briefly succeeding in dragging his thoughts in the most indecent of directions, namely actually considering the royal posterior?! Then there was the depressing epiphany that, from the talk he heard in the barracks, he must be the only man his age who's only reference for a girl's derriere was his own imagination.
Well actually that wasn't entirely true. His knee had made brief acquaintance with the very posterior currently under discussion when he'd dived to save the princess from her fall, that fateful night in Ordon. It was fair to say the moment of intimacy between him and her royal highness, while fleeting, had left an indelible mark on his dreams and, to his shame, he'd found himself revisiting it on occasion as he drifted through sleep.
So lost was he in such embarrassing thoughts that Link lost track of the conversation. His attention was only directed back by an incredulous exclamation from Rodrick. "No way! She beat him too!"
"Errr Yeah! You ain't buyin' it?"
"Oh no no no. I've met many women with a great many talents." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively "If anythin' I'm just smartin' I missed that steaming turd gettin' smashed twice in one day! All this still doesn't explain 'ow 'ero boy 'ere ended up 'ere though."
"Well as you can probably guess, Halshaw was frothing like a rabid dog. So he starts muttering some shit under his breath. Next you know Link rushes up and lays him out, single punch no less…"
"Ok but then 'ow…"
Link, by now wishing they could move on from yesterday's painful events, let out a growl of exasperation as he rolled onto his back to stare unseeing at the cold white plaster of the high vaulted ceiling. "Because I screwed up the landing!" He snapped tersely.
The duo was temporarily baffled, exchanging confused looks which piqued the attention of the vexed hero's peripheral vision. Rodrick's confusion was understandable, but Quince? Hadn't he just claimed he knew what happened. Clearly not, judging by the response.
"The Landing?" they parroted in unison before gracing the world with a rare gift… a moment of silence. Off towards the back of the long chamber there was a heavy breath of respite and relief from the nurse, who had clearly been suffering even as she attempted to distract herself with folding piles of crisp white bed linen.
After almost a minute of peace and quiet, savoured by all but the duo, Link began to wonder whether he had completely stumped them when a sudden cry of "OOOOHHH, the landing. I got it now!" informed him otherwise. They'd finally grasped it.
That, however, wasn't all Rodrick had apparently "grasped". He turned to Link with a sly smirk. "I also know the real reason you did it. Link, ya sly dog. Way to go man. And don't worry. Ya secret's safe with us." He tapped his nose conspiratorially.
Quince only blinked at his partner in crime, obviously just as confused by the statement as Link was. A whisper in his ear seemed to clarify the issue for Quince. "Come on, you know. THAT rumour." As the light of understanding sparked in his brown eyes he turned to the still baffled hero and repeated the conspiratorial nose tapping.
What was THAT rumour? Why would they congratulate him for it? Unless… Oh no!
"So, Link, I gotta ask, what…"
Before Rodrick got the chance to finish his clearly indecent question, the infirmary door was flung open with a crash, startling the duo and saving Link the indignity of having to answer. He craned his neck to see just who his saviour was, only for her distinctive twang to give her away instantly as she boomed "Well, this is a right mess you've made, isn't it!" Ashei stood in the doorway, her raven hair bedraggled and her violet eyes flashing with anger, seemingly attempting to burn holes in her two troublesome subordinates' heads. The duo, under such scrutiny turned white and fell deathly silent.
The swordmaiden's heavy stomping gait betrayed the true source of her fury though, as weariness weighed down her every step. This tiredness did nothing to sabotage her intimidating presence as she ranted. "Do you have any idea how many problems you've caused?! How much paperwork I've had to do cos of you?! Oh and to cap it off, since you two were both indisposed, guess who had to take one of your guard shifts?!"
The incessantly talkative duo appeared uncharacteristically lost for words as their captain bore down on them. He wouldn't count himself as someone who took pleasure in others discomfort but Link couldn't deny a certain satisfaction watching Ashei dressing down his two tormentors. A glance round the room quickly confirmed he was far from alone in that regard. In the far corner by the window the nurse was clearly battling to suppress a fit of laughter. A soft jingling sound caught his ear from the opposite end and turning his gaze to the source revealed none other than Borri, leaning casually against the doorway, arms crossed and baring a sly smirk as he watched the show. While still in uniform, it wasn't his armour that had been the source of the jingling, but a small rupee pouch dangling from one hand.
After his adventure in the royal kitchen, it was fair to say their acquaintance and opinions of one another had changed drastically. Noticing Link's gaze on him, Borri gave a nod of friendly greeting before they both turned their attention back to Ashei, who, it seemed, had overcome her initial fury and settled into contained simmering annoyance. Her address had gone from the usual blunt bluster in her unique strident accent to something resembling an imitation, albeit a poor one, of the princess's most authoritative tones, sabotaged by her unmistakable twang stabbing through every third word.
"Your punishment will be carried out under the watchful eye of Legate Lachron, so you can guarantee I'll hear about it if you fail to attend." Her clipped tones were matched by her cold controlled glare, stating in no uncertain terms the inevitability of their fate.
The synchronised groans told Link all he needed to know about Legate Lachron, although it could be said Lachron's reputation already preceded him, particularly his nickname.
"Now, nurse, are these two fit to return to active du…"
"Oh GODDESS YES! Oh, um I mean… yes. Other than a couple of bumps and bruises, they're otherwise fine."
"Did you hear that you two. Isn't that fantastic, yeah. You're pictures of health. Lucky, lucky you, cos you know what that means…" Ashei partook in a sick twisted delight at the rare opportunity to retaliate against her two most insufferable nemeses, her angry visage suddenly split by a devious grin. "You can start with "No Lollygagging" Lachron this very afternoon! Oh, and I trust you know the penalty if you don't." Her voice, swinging from near ecstatic trill to husky warning tones, left the duo in no doubt what fate had in store should they "forget" to show.
The swordmaiden dismissed the two knuckleheads before turning to finally greet Link with a nod and a heavy beleaguered sigh. "Well, you picked a fine time for a long nap, didn't ya?"
"Oh, like I planned this." He replied drolly.
"No, but surely you must have seen it coming?!"
"Nice to see you too!"
Ashei smiled awkwardly and retrieved a chair next to an adjacent bed. With a thump and a creak, the chair was unceremoniously dumped on his right side and she promptly slumped wearily into it, looking just about ready to nod off herself. "Yeah, yeah, alright, alright it's good to see you're… awake at least." Typical Ashei. Feigning flippancy to hide her feelings.
"Same here." Borri finally entered the conversation, sliding into the room and likewise retrieving a chair to seat on Link's left. "How're you feeling?"
"Like I've just been mobbed by two dozen Boblokins." Link replied, wincing as he tried to raise himself to a more sociable position for talking, glancing briefly to Ashei's sagging form, which shuddered with a poorly concealed yawn. "Not that I don't appreciate your company, particularly after what I've just had to endure… but if you've got stuff to do, there's no need for you to…"
"Nonsense…" Ashei dismissed through another yawn "besides I've got a bone to pick with you, yeah."
"And I've got winnings to hand over." Borri added, waving the rupee pouch lazily.
"Winnings, what winnings?!" There was a pause as he put two and two together to what seemed to make five. It was unexpected but seemed the only logical explanation. "Never would have taken you as one to gamble, Borri, 'specially not on one of my fights"
"I didn't." the soldier replied matter-of-factly. "I simply saw fit to persuade some of the lads to donate some of theirs to you, given your spectacular victory and, of course, the rather costly bonus you gave us. That was quite a punch."
"Yeah and quite a fall. Look, I appreciate the gesture but I refuse to be a charity case."
"Ah come on, Don't pull that. Henley still owes you for that bottle of healing potion, not to mention all the smaller things you've done. Consider this some small compensation for all that, along with the little permanent reminder Cocksure left…"
"Woah, what permanent reminder?!" Link blurted, startled that there was some injury of which he clearly wasn't informed.
"Oh, I assumed you… errr well, you know when he smashed you on the nose… well its slightly crooked." Borri answered awkwardly, adding in failed consolation "it's really not that noticeable."
Struck by a sudden but entirely unsurprising bout of self-consciousness, Link's hand flew up to his nose, more to assess the extent of the damage than to try and hide it. He couldn't avoid groaning upon discovering a definite kink on his conk. As if his courting prospects weren't bad enough… He'd never get a date for Telma's wedding.
"Seriously it ain't that bad. Now where do you want… hey, are these for you?" Borri had moved to lay the jingling reward on the bedside table only to discover a hefty, and by the look of it, very old book taking the space and resting atop it, a sealed letter, both of which Link had somehow failed to notice until now.
"Dunno. Must be. I doubt they belonged to the clown duo of calamity that just left." He shrugged, his mind still not at full capacity, more focused on his skewed snout than this new mystery. If he'd been paying more attention, he would have been desperately trying to warn his friends away from investigating. Unfortunately…
"Hmm, a royal seal." The soldier whistled admiringly. "A personal letter from the princess. Friends in high places, aye Link."
"Hey, don't read it!" Link yelled in sudden alarm. Ashei, who had been slowly sliding into the land of nod, jolted awake in shock, flailing like a demented windmill and only narrowly avoided tumbling from her seat.
Borri, once he'd finished laughing at the swordmaiden's expense, feigned offense at Link's outburst and replied. "Hey relax. Of course I wasn't going to read it!" adding dryly "Anyway, you know how bad my reading is."
"W. ? What weren't you going to read?" Ashei, still disorientated from her rude awakening, blurted in bewilderment. Her violet peepers darted manically round the room before locking, hawk like, onto the blood red wax imprint of the royal crest, stark against the crisp white of the letter still in Borri's hand.
"Oh, nothing we need concern ourselves with." Borri tried his best to dismiss, placing the letter back where he'd found it. Both soldier and hero, however, couldn't help but notice the swordmaiden's surprisingly alert gaze fixated on it and, sharing a glance, Borri gave Link an apologetic look.
Quite frankly, Link was somewhat taken aback by Ashei's reaction, both because of her abrupt wakefulness and the implication of her fixation. In all the time he'd known her, he'd never have assumed she suffered from that most irritating of afflictions, common to the fairer sex… being nosy! Tragically, It would seem that was indeed the even she was not immune as she continued to eye the unopened letter, almost hungrily. Oh well. Time for operation distraction!
"So Ashei, what's this bone you wanted to pick with me?"
"what, oh um, yeah. Do you recall anything about guard assignment authority regs?"
Caught off guard by such an odd question, he opened and closed his mouth wordlessly until Borri saved him the trouble. "Why would Link know anything about that?! He ain't a captain… unlike you. Shouldn't you be the one to know?"
"Hey, I know how to fight, I know tactics, strategy and I know how to keep order. I shouldn't be required to know utterly pointless rules. As for Link, he hears a lot, yeah."
His heightened senses were no secret to his resistance friend but they hadn't rewarded him with the knowledge she sought, though he doubted he'd remember them anyway. "Sorry, Ashei, I don't know and honestly I can't fathom why you'd think I'd have bothered to log such, as you said, "utterly pointless" information. Surely it would be simpler just to consult your Captain's manual? I know ever captain has one."
"Yeah and I do have one. I Just… well… mislaid it… somewhere in my room."
Link was suddenly struck by a horrifying vision. A patchwork of abandoned, unwashed clothes forming rolling hills and valleys that buried all sight of floorboards. Armour and weapon pieces, along with parchments stained by metal polish, consuming a poor, unloved oak writing desk, which probably hadn't seen the sun since the swordmaiden's arrival. A bed doing its best impression of a bomb site. That manual was as good as gone.
"Ok, why not ask one of the other captains?" he suggested.
"You kidding? Keeg's too by the book and would probably report me, Ragnar would refuse to say outta spite and Dembi's clueless…"
Borri, wearing a sly smirk, interjected nonchalantly "What about Gruber?"
Ashei's body tensed and she glanced away awkwardly. "I, er, I'd rather not talk to him." She mumbled, shuffling uncomfortably and refusing to make eye contact.
"Cos he likes you?" The soldier pressed.
"Well… it's not so much the fact he likes me… well that's part of it but… It's more how he shows it." The usually strident swordmaiden squirmed uncomfortably in her chair.
Borri showed no mercy as he continued, taking some small perverse pleasure in watching her uncharacteristic fumbling. "Oh really, so you didn't appreciate the flowers?"
"How do you know about those!" Aghast at the revelation, Ashei displayed a rarely witnessed shade of red in her cheeks. Embarrassment, however, quickly ignited into anger as she snapped. "That is none of your business!"
"true. It ain't my business but it's not like the courtyard is exactly the most private place where aaassss a sealed letter from the princess? that's a different story."
There was a notable pause as Ashei's sleep addled brain struggled to find the relevance of his point. Then the rupee dropped. "Hey, don't you dare turn this on me! I ain't one for spreading gossip!"
"No, you just love to collect it." Borri reposted drolly, unphased by the withering glare trying to singe his wiry eyebrows across the bed.
Sensing that one of his friends risked acquired a gauntlet shaped indent in the head if this continued, Link decided to step in and try to defuse the situation before the infirmary acquired a new patient. "Ok, so asking the captains is out. Why do you need these regulations?"
Ashei maintained her heated stare as she answered "Cos the guard rotas gone up the creek with you outta commission and I'm the one who's been given the "Honourable" task of assigning replacements."
"Hey, I know I'm pretty good but I don't see how me being off the rota would be such a big deal."
"But it isn't just you. The two twits who just left wont be back on duty cos of disciplinary actions and even then I'm not even sure I'd want them back on guard duty. Then there's two more you may not have heard of. They're out of action having gotten injured in some sort of pursuit down in castle town. Some hooded lowlifes putting up inflammatory posters about the princess. Unfortunately, the lowlifes escaped having got the jump on the guards and shoving them down a flight of steps. Of course, in light of such an accident, the court wants me to increase the guard presence in castle town… when I have less to work with! As I said Link, you certainly picked your moment." A stifled yawn to cap off her rant announced the creeping return of her exhaustion.
The news of hooded lowlifes posting slander against the princess set alarm bells clanging in Link's cranium and from within its shadowing recesses he swore he sensed a familiar presence stirring. It was with equal fortitude and trepidation that he sought to silence the peeling, lest the beast be woken again to cause more humiliation, embarrassment… and injury. Fortune smiled upon him and, surprisingly, there was little more than a snort from the slumbering wolf. Perhaps he overestimated it. He sure hoped so! He already had enough personal demons to fear. He didn't need another.
Anyway, back to the matter at hand. There was still something that didn't make sense. "So why would this quill-filling fall to you? Surely this'd be a job for the general?"
Borri eagerly answered. "Don't you remember? old man Halshaw's out! Some of the lads are gonna have a celebratory drink in the mess tomorrow. Think you can make it?"
"As much as I'd prefer it to being stuck here, I can't. Matron's confined me to bed rest for the next week."
"A whole week?! damn! Must have been pretty serious. Hey Ashei, how about you?"
"Hmmm?" Ashei mumbled groggily having been stirred once more from another attempted nap "Oh no, no I don't… don't do parties. Besides I've got stuff to do."
"Does this make you Lord Halshaw's replacement? I can see you being a marvellous bureaucrat."
She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Please, as if I'd get that role with my track record. Besides last I checked I weren't a noble or a council member… though from what little I've heard, the princess has nominated a candidate who's neither and the court's having a fit, yeah."
"Ah who cares about the court anyway. I'd trust the princess's judgement over theirs any day. Besides, whoever takes over, they'd be hard pressed to do worse than Halshaw. Good riddance I say."
"I ain't so sure. The princess isn't one for showing her emotions, but when she gave me my orders, she sure seemed worried to me." Another yawn wracked her slumped form and she shook her head in a manner similar to a shaggy wet dog, her distinctive pig tails whipping with the motion, in a vain effort to keep herself conscious.
With the stubborn swordmaiden fighting a losing battle against sleep and the conversation slipping into topics of politics, which he'd prefer avoiding at the best of times, let alone injured and incarcerated in bed, Link decided enough was enough. She needn't torture herself for his benefit. "look Ashei, you really ought to get some rest, and as much as I like your company, I doubt the matron would feel the same way when you're comatose in that chair and snoring your head off."
"I do not snore!… buuuuut… I get your point." The swordmaiden, with a groan and a creak, rose begrudgingly from her chair and patted him somewhat awkwardly on the shoulder. "Get better soon, yeah…" Her tired face managed a wry smile "Sparring's real dull without you."
Borri watched her lumber away with mild amusement before rising to his feet with a click of his tongue. "I'd probably best be going too. Hang in there and… don't do anything I wouldn't do."
"Sure, as if I could." Link let out a rueful chuckle only to wince as his two damaged ribs made their condition known once more.
Borri strode for the door only to stop just shy of the threshold, whirling round to point a finger accusingly at him. "Oh, and I don't want to hear a word about you donating those winnings. They're yours and you WILL enjoy them. Besides, you owe me a round. Ya hear me!"
"Thanks. I'll try to bare that in mind."
"Seriously, not a word. Lie if you have to." Message delivered, the soldier departed, leaving the hero with just a nurse and the rising sun for company. His friends visit had helped lighten his mood, however a glance out the window had him sinking again. The sun had barely moved and this was just his first day. If time was dragging it's heels this much already then by the 5th day his sanity could be in serious danger. Ok, maybe not that drastic but still.
"Would you like a drink or something to eat?" The nurse, who's name he'd forgotten, enquired as she passed by the bed, arms full of clean linen.
"No thank you." He dismissed as politely as possible and turned his thoughts back to his friends and their conversation. From the sound of it, despite Ashei's comments being more expressions of her own frustration than criticisms of him, the sentiments rang true. It would appear sod's law was in the saddle of current events and, barring some kingdom wide emergency, his hospitalisation couldn't have come at a much worse time. Last night's nightmares had shaken him and he found himself haunted by a sense of unease. Was it just a nightmare or a bad omen? He couldn't answer. He could only pray it was the former.
Neither the scuffle in Castletown or Lord Halshaw's "Retirement" would seem to be major disasters but if the princess was worried… Then again, he'd made a lot of ill-informed assumptions lately and perhaps this was another. Perhaps Ashei had been mistaken or maybe Zelda's concern was entirely unrelated. There was plenty he knew he was ignorant of when it came to politics and Zelda's revelation of the spider's web of court intrigue he'd unwittingly entered by accepting his position still left him reticent.
With the princess inescapably permeating his ponderings, his gaze fell on the unopened letter and weighty tome he guessed were from her. Since its introduction the letter had stolen a substantial cut of his concentration away from all subsequent conversation and though he hated to admit it, part of him had been eager for his friends' departure, simply so he could read it in peace.
Now, however, the letter brought both excitement and trepidation and he found himself hesitant to pick it up. His hand hovered over the crisp white parchment and he scanned the room to check the nurse was otherwise occupied, gripped by an almost irrational urge for complete privacy. He settled for the nurse being the other end of the room and picked up the letter with the delicacy of handling a new born kid, the reverence of a priceless relic… and the caution of an unexploded bomb. His intuition told him something was up.
Examination of the letter revealed a message just below the seal, inscribed in tiny letters, in what could only be the hand of the princess herself and instructing him to keep the seal intact and attached. Why would she want that? More importantly how was he supposed to open it then?
Training both his eyes and his nose on the seal itself revealed something rather peculiar. An odd smell… and what looked like a heat haze hovering over it… just like on the statue in the maze!
Link gently brushed the seal with his thumb, triggering the red wax to briefly flash bright gold and a second late it magically detached itself from one end of the letter. Astonishment was quickly over taken by nervousness as he hesitated on the brink. Why would Zelda go to such lengths? What could require her to resort to such methods.
He flicked it open and for a moment simply admired her handiwork, each word and letter drawn with grace and eloquent purpose. A couple of crossed out words marring what could almost be considered a work of art regardless of the prose' meaning. What else would one expect from Zelda?
He sighed and began to read…
Dear Link
A scribble directly following his name, seemed to hint that Zelda had initial wished to add more but thought better of it. His title perhaps?
I feel that, in a manner most unbefitting of royalty, I must preface this letter with an apology. While official treaties and proclamations may be second nature to me, letters to esteemed friends are undeniable foreign. Thus, I pray you will forgive me for the formality of this communication, though I will endeavour to address you in a manner more suited to our friendship.
So quintessentially Zelda were the words that he could practically hear her speaking them. His smile seemed inevitable.
I hope this letter finds you on the road to a swift recovery and that my healing spells have assisted in that regard. No doubt, the Matron has informed you that the spells will still require a week to ensuring the complete restoration of your bones and I ask you to heed her advice to stay in bed. Being the free and thoroughly independent spirit that you are, I suspect spending a week confined to your bed, forced to rely on others must seem both disconcerting and demeaning. Please remember, dear Hero, as I have told you before, there is no shame in requiring help when fate deals you poorly. No man is an island, not even the chosen hero.
I'm sorry I will be wholly unable to visit you, however much I would wish to, but I have left you a book to hopefully make the time more bearable. Nothing can quite compare to the power of an absorbing book to warp the passage of time and I believe you will find this one particularly fascinating.
You may notice I have taken the liberty of bookmarking a couple of chapters which hold topical relevance with current events. The first is a history of the tradition of the Holmgang and its more civilised cousin, the contest of virtue, though I pray you are never again dragged into either. The second explains are rather marvellous little knightly custom, which gifted me a loophole in the matter of authority, allowing me to exact punishment on a certain unsavoury knight. Convention tragically restricted the severity of the punishment I could decree upon him, but I am still undeniable satisfied of its unpleasantness.
Ha! Nice to know there's some justice in the world. He had it coming!
Regrettably, your impressive though precipitous punch, while arguably deserved, obligates me, by legal decree, to impose a sentence on you as well…
WAIT WHAT! Link gawped, momentarily incredulous. Surely he'd read that wrong?! Multiple bumbling rereads confirmed disastrous meaning. She was the princess. Surely there's some way she could overrule it?!
… Fortuitously however, given the nature of the offense and in light of the victim's own actions, the court has accepted, albeit begrudgingly, that it is entirely outside their authority to designate or influence your judgement. That duty is solely the responsibility of her royal highness and her royal highness is very lenient when it concerns heroes to whom she owes her kingdom, her freedom and her life. As such a far more palatable punishment has been chosen for your penance. Indeed, you may even enjoy it.
The first few lines brought a sense of relief. That last line however… he wasn't sure whether to be curious or suspicious. What was she up to? To his eternal frustration, the princess seemed content to leave that question hanging precariously, as she diverged into other mildly alarming revelations.
Unfortunately, far less enjoyable are the repercussions of this incident, which while inconsequential in and of itself, turned out to be the spark that ignited the volatile powder keg of court politics…
Deep deliberation had marked a deep groove in front of the next sentence, almost piercing through the parchment, as Zelda seemed almost hesitant on continuing.
… Please do not overly concern yourself with such affairs, dear hero, or blame yourself for such events. Cycles of discord are, I have learnt from experience, inevitable in court life and this one will pass just like the countless before it. I merely wished to bring it to your attention so as to remind you to be careful with your words and actions when in the court chambers. Rest assured however, you will always have my support and protection. That much I can promise you, with the goddesses as my witness.
Another deep indent in the parchment and then…
Nevertheless, it is due to this current situation I have chosen to take the precaution of enchanting the seal on this letter so that it will only open for you. Additionally, should the seal become separated from the letter it will appear as a simple blank sheet of parchment.
Obviously, all these precautions would be wholly unnecessary, were I to have the opportunity to see you in person, a situation undoubtedly preferable to something as impersonal as this parchment. Alas the current court fiasco is likely to steal any such opportunities away in the immediate future, regardless of my wish to see you and know you are alright. Nevertheless, know that your wellbeing is never far from my thoughts. I will pray for a swift recovery and should a chance arise to visit you, I will take it.
Rest well dear friend and I hope this letter and book offer some small measure of comfort.
Yours Sincerely
A line of crossed out titles later came her name, simply Zelda, yet with its swirls and waves, it became so much more. Wait, she wasn't finished…
P.S. Given your flagrant disregard for your own health, particularly in regards to aiding others, I fear my only recourse is to remove you from active duty for the next month. Please know that I do this, not to torment you, but to save you from yourself through reckless altruism. It is a noble trait to be admired, and I would not trade it for any other, however it can lead you to place your own wellbeing in needless jeopardy, a prospect which worries me immensely. Also, the Goddesses don't appreciate people sabotaging the prayers they answer.
Link sighed and just let his gaze wash over her graceful calligraphy once more, while his brain mulled over the prose' meaning. He lay, pawing over the letter in the otherwise silent room, the morning sun now sailing up and out of sight towards its midday peak, leaving the vaulted ceiling in shadow. The chamber itself did not sink into darkness as the sun's rays still poured liquid gold across the floor. The faint sound of Bird song drifted up from somewhere in the castle grounds and he found himself struck be a familiar pang of wanderlust. Anything to be out of this blasted bed. His groaning limbs, however, sided with the princess's plea for strategic inaction and ultimately, he had to concede to her wise concern.
Zelda's letter, for all its crisp formality, had warmed his heart… but it had also unsettled his mind. For all her reassurances, the situation was clearly far more serious than she would care to admit. He tried to accept her words that he wasn't to blame but he struggled to extricate himself from the responsibility he felt. He was a hero after all! Wasn't he supposed to protect her? It wasn't that he doubted her capabilities to handle the situation. It was simply that, while she continued to praise his mere presence, he couldn't help but feel superfluous. After his epic adventure, playing a major role in saving the kingdom, his new esteemed position appeared as but a drop in Lake Hyrule by comparison.
He'd sworn when he joined that he'd do anything within his power to aid the princess, yet it would seem his aid, thus far, had been negligible. Indeed, he'd done more harm than good by the looks of it. He had to step up to the plate… but how? Zelda didn't need any protection from monsters or bandits anymore. Order had been restored for a while now and the only enemies the princess faced now were trumped up noblemen and their obnoxious offspring. Immediately, Sir Halshaw's vein popping fury sprung to mind and Link pondered Zelda's cryptic comment about the prick's well-deserved punishment. What had she done?
Well the answer lay in the book she gave him. Link froze. The book she gave him!? Of course! He may currently possess the political aptitude of gaziboed Goron riding the zora rapids but who's to say he couldn't learn. He had a month's worth of free time to kill and he might as well make good use of it. Then, having educated himself, perhaps he stood a chance of supporting Zelda where it counted most. Perhaps then he could know all the ways to tell those stuffy nobles to piss off… in a politically sound manner, naturally.
It couldn't be that hard… could it?