I had to get at least one more update out before the new year!

I'm sorry this took so long. My original project still isn't done (which, yes, I feel horrible about), and it hasn't helped that work has been absolutely nuts. It also didn't help that I totally lost steam on this after the kiss scene (omg there's a kiss scene?). There were several ways which this chapter could go, and did go until I rewrote it every time, because Blaire is so hurt and conflicted. Our disaster child is still damaged. I don't even know when she's going to get better.

But she's getting better, and that's the important thing. Hopefully you enjoy this in the meantime! Lots of feels and emotions and KISSING.

Thanks for being so patient with me. I hope you guys had a wonderful holiday season and that you'll have a wonderful new year.

8. ACQUAINTANCES

AT FIRST, JASPER DIDN'T REACT. He stood perfectly still. Immobile for nearly thirty seconds. But those thirty seconds might as well had been thirty days. Uncertainty welled up in me, maybe he didn't want –

Then he melted. One of his hands dropped to my waist and pulled me flush against him while the other wound its way around the back of my head, holding me in place. He kissed me back, hard and desperate and starving.

I didn't need my human memories to know this was nothing like how I imagined it would be to kiss Jasper. It had to be so much better.

His emotions were a violent storm that whirled between us and made my stomach drop. Need and desire crackled along my skin just like lightning. When I gasped at the sensation, malt and roasted warmth coated my palette. I shoved my hands up and twisted my fingers in his hair, pushing myself further on my toes, opening my mouth to graze my teeth along his lower lip. I wanted to taste him, claim –

Jasper's answering growl vibrated everywhere.

His hand on my waist suddenly dropped to my thigh and hitched it over his waist. An invitation. I jumped up and locked my legs around him, gently nipping at his full mouth –

My back hit something hard. It shuddered. Pine needles sprinkled over my head and arms. "Fuck," Jasper snarled. The word and its gravel shot through me, blistering hot, and I swallowed it up the second he opened his mouth.

With him propping me up against a tree, I had free reign to explore every inch of his torso. I dropped my hands to his chest, my fingers tracing against his hard lines and the ridges of every scar through the thin fabric of his shirt. I pulled away from Jasper's mouth so I could kiss the marks along his neck, feel the hard lines against my lips, grateful that he fought every one of them to get to me. They felt so much like the scar on my shoulder. What did he have to go through to get here? How much pain had he felt? How much fear was he forced to meet alone? My fingers shook when I came across a particularly thick scar on his side. Echoes of my own screaming when James tore off my arm echoed in my ears.

I would tear the world apart before letting anyone hurt him like that again.

"Mine."

I didn't realize I growled the word out loud until Jasper's grip tightened around my leg. His other hand made its way to my neck, tilting my head up to meet his fiery gaze. It burned brighter than the sun. "All yours," he promised.

In this uncertain world, he would be my constant. My heart didn't beat anymore, but I realized it could still swell with emotion. "I'll be yours too," I whispered. "I… I just need time."

"You have it," he said, kissing me again. It was softer than the ones before it, sweet compared to the fire I knew he could unleash, and still passionate enough to make my toes curl. "As much as you need."

His kisses after that were even slower. They were lingering, light, until they ended with him smiling against my mouth. "Which is why we should slow down," he murmured.

What? No, I didn't want to slow down! I liked the current pace. We could even pick it up –

But he let go anyway. I slid down to my feet, every line of my body brushing against his. I glared at him. "Why?"

He had the audacity to laugh at me – to laugh! – as he stepped back. His hands lingered, caressing my side when he pulled away. It took everything in me not to follow it. "Would you believe me if I said I needed time as well?"

Obviously not. Especially when I knew not all those emotions swirling in that kiss were entirely mine. I folded my arms across my chest and hoped that, coupled with my mood, told him as much.

His answering smirk tipped the world on its axis. "Maybe I'm hoping if I hold out long enough, you'll to beg for it sooner rather than later."

Now that I believed. I scoffed, hoping the sound downplayed the sudden thrill of desire running through me. "Dangerous strategy, Whitlock."

"It's how I prefer it, darlin'."

A soft hiss passed through my teeth as I regarded him. Such wickedness lived in him, probably more than James could ever imagine. Those scars on his skin were the physical proof, easy to read as if they were words on paper. It was who he was. Now that I wasn't hindered by a frightened human gaze, he was laying it all out for me to finally see.

"Even with me?" I asked.

"Not in the way you're worried about," Jasper said. My brows furrowed. "Just enough to drive you a little crazy."

Yet he was here, already doing more than "a little." But I wasn't going to let him know that. I rolled my eyes and pushed off the tree and past him without giving him a second look. "I'm ready to go back."

I knew he followed me as I tore through the forest, back the way we came. I used the wind to cool the heat that hadn't stopped flooding through me since that kiss. My lips still tingled from it, just like my skin hummed with the closeness of his presence. I knew Jasper flanked my side while we ran, but I refused to look at him. I didn't trust myself to just look.

Yup. He was definitely driving me a little more than crazy.

I vaulted over a fallen tree with ease. It simply took a thought for my body lurch forward and jump, and then I was running again. It took no effort. It was instinct.

And it was amazing.

I threw myself into the running. I let myself feel the earth giving way underneath my steps, savor the wind rushing in my ears, and stuck out my hands to brush my fingers along the coarse pine needles and ferns. Everything was lush and new and exciting.

I didn't have all the answers that came with this new change, this new life, but… I would figure it out. I just needed time.

When I breathed in, I smelled vampires. The usual sweetness was tinged with something snappy like cinnamon and refreshing like mint; separate undercurrents for each vampire Jasper and I were rapidly closing in on.

I skidded to a stop when the scents became too strong. I tensed when I saw the male and female. Peter and Charlotte. They turned and tensed on their own when they saw me. A challenge. I ground my teeth together to keep a growl in check. Jasper wouldn't appreciate me threatening his oldest friends, even if they were suspicious to me.

I straightened up and glanced at the backpack still clutched in Charlotte's hands. "I'll take you up on that bath," I said, but I didn't take a step closer to her. I didn't trust her or myself to get any closer than we were standing across from each other in the clearing of the woods.

She didn't make any moves to get closer to me either. I could see the tension in her shoulders that kept them stiff. There was an alertness in her widened eyes. The male, Peter, hovered close to her side and said nothing.

It seemed we were in a standoff. When I heard Jasper's feet sliding to a stop behind me, I decided to make the first move. I crossed half the clearing in a beat, then walked slowly the rest of the way.

"Sorry it took me so long. I'll be quick," I promised her as I approached. I reached out for the bag, but Charlotte pulled it even closer to her. I stopped and frowned.

"How about we go together?" she offered. "I could use some freshening up as well."

I clenched my jaw even tighter and held my breath before that growl could escape. What the hell was this? Didn't they trust me to go alone? I didn't need this. I didn't need any more people – no, we were vampires, monsters, not people – following my every move because they didn't trust me to be on my own. I just needed to take a stupid bath!

That fake smile Charlotte had was back in full force. I glared at her. Peter sidled up even closer.

"It's fine –" Jasper started.

"Come on, Jazz," Charlotte drawled. I hated the way she said his name. "I've been dying to meet the girl you've been talking about nonstop. Give us the chance to finally meet."

I didn't mention she was already dead. Just like I also tried not to act too interested in what Jasper might have said about me. Nonstop? Really?

"It's fine," I said. I wondered how many more times in my newfound eternity I would have to say that word.

V

Freezing water surged up around me when I plunged into another crystalline mountain lake. It was much colder than the ones I jumped in when I ran with Victoria and James. I thought it might have been because there was new life flowing through my veins, new purpose – even if I didn't know what it was. My body went into shock from it, keeping me stock still as I sunk deeper to the bottom. It took me thirty seconds to adjust and start swimming again.

Rivulets swirled around my body and rolled over my skin as I moved. The sensation tickled me on all sides as I kicked my legs and broke the surface.

Even colder air blasted against my face. I barely had time to react when Charlotte threw a white bottle at my face. When I grabbed it, my fingers snapped through the plastic, sending ribbons of soap over my head and into the water around me.

"Well that's one way to do it," Charlotte said. She sat at the edge of the lake, fluffing dust out of her short hair before she dunked her jacket in the water.

I scooped up handfuls of the soapy water and scrubbed my scalp. I tore at the blood-soaked knots in my hair. I scratched my nails over my skin to chip away at the layers of blood coated over it.

"You got a change of clothes in here, too," Charlotte went on as I scrubbed down the rest of my naked body. My old clothes were sitting in an ugly pile on the shoreline, where I hoped I'd never see them again.

"Thanks," I said, even if I didn't really mean it. Suds bloomed around me as I furiously worked on washing my skin and hair. Maybe if I washed hard enough, I could get rid of any physical trace of what I'd done. Maybe the memories would seem further away after I was clean.

"So…" Charlotte started off, her tone far too casual. Still too fake. I tried to ignore her. "What you did back there. That was… something."

No, it wasn't just something. It was a long time coming. It was what needed to be done. And she called it something? I scoffed. "It was justice. You don't know what he did to me."

"No," she said. "Jazz didn't tell us. But I bet it must've been pretty awful for you to do all that, and then leave his mate…"

Her words faded off, but I knew she wasn't trying to end the conversation there. I didn't care. I didn't owe her an explanation for the things I'd done. I didn't have to tell her why I had to become a monster for all of it. I wouldn't start now – with her – this stranger.

The bubbles around me tinged brownish-red with the layers of dried blood I scraped off my body. There wasn't enough body wash to get rid of it all. "Do you have more soap?" I asked.

"You know, this was supposed to last us until Ontario." I brushed the suds away from my eyes in time to see Charlotte pull another bottle out of the backpack. I waited for her to throw it. She didn't. She only held it in her hand and watched me, cocking her head to the side. Still waiting for an answer.

I glared at her.

She smiled back, but it looked more like she was baring her teeth. "Whatever it was, I hope it's done with now. Jasper's been through too much. He doesn't deserve to go through it again, even if it's with his mate."

This time, I didn't stifle the growl rumbling in my chest. "I wouldn't put him through anything."

Her answering snarl snapped into the air like a whip. I refused to shy away from it. "You did in those woods when they ripped your arm off."

Fire. Pain. Screaming. I stopped treading water. My head dipped under the surface. When I closed my eyes to blink, I saw flashes of my dismembered arm laying across from me. I sucked in a sharp breath, only to breathe in water. I surged up to the surface, coughed and gasped for air. The cold slapped me in the face. Screams echoed in my ears. I grabbed at my arm. I needed to make sure it was still there. My fingers ran over the thick scar around my shoulder. Physical proof of my horror. Of a lesson I would never finish learning from.

"You nearly killed him that day," she went on. Oblivious to a fear within me that was only growing with her words.

Killed him? Didn't I just promise myself I would do anything for that not to happen? Terror made my stomach drop like I was freefalling. Plunging into the dark. A void where Jasper didn't exist. No. No, no, no, no, no –

"We all went through enough of that down south to become… immune," she said. "But seeing that… and then how you killed that male and left his mate…"

She kept leaving that part so open-ended. Like I cared about the reminder. If anything, the carnal satisfaction from that moment lifted me out of my panic. I was strong enough to protect Jasper. We wouldn't go through any more pain now that we were together. I could keep us safe –

"In all my years, that was one of the cruelest things I've ever seen," she finally finished. It stopped my thoughts short. My eyes widened.

The cruelest…?

I said I'd become the monster James wanted. That I would be the thing that ended him. I achieved that.

So why did it still feel like he won?

Why did it still feel like he was laughing at me?

Charlotte flapped her coat, sending droplets of water everywhere. Some of them caught in the light and glimmered like tiny rainbows before they fell to the ground and soaked into the shoreline's pebbles. "I wanna know that it's done with now. For his sake."

The scar on my arm was only a fraction of what was littered all over Jasper's body. He'd known more horror that I could imagine. I wouldn't make him go through any more of it. It would have to end. For both our sakes.

But I wasn't about to tell a stranger that. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction.

The second bottle of body wash flew through the air. I caught it with a lighter hand and managed not to crush it. I glanced back toward the shoreline, frowning when I caught Charlotte more focused on doing her laundry than watching me. But she had a smirk on her face. Like she already knew my answer. She probably did.

I didn't like her.

V

Weirdly enough, I think these girls are going to end up being best friends. They're too much alike to not be.

I haven't started the next chapter yet, but we're heading for Alaska soon! This means new vampires, phone calls with Bella, and maybe some Blasper-themed nonsense...?

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