A.N: Welcome back my fantastic readers! I hope you are safe and well. Sorry once again for the delay. This chapter's undergone so many rewrites I've lost count and I'm still not entirely happy with the result, suffering from the common artistic affliction of being a perfectionist. Nevertheless, I have decided to bite the bullet and release it. I just hope it makes up for the wait. Unfortunately, the next chapter will doubtless be delayed as well because I'm off for a week's vacation.
As always, I really appreciate all your feedback and am glad to see so many express their intrigue for the new direction of the story. It is indeed more elaborate than the earlier chapters would have you believe but it is a plot I have been setting up for a while and It was a joy to see its long-awaited revelation being so well received by so many.
As for those who have been waiting for the next chapter of Link's "trial" at the mercy of Zelda, your time has come! enjoy!
Chapter 23 – A point of contention
Zelda's study - 709 days A.G
Link was flabbergasted. How did she do it? How could she do it? The ever-erudite princess had somehow reduced the catalyst to the worst crisis since the Twilight invasion to nothing more than a single sentence footnote in their history, and then proceeded to paint the subsequent ten-week lull – the call before the storm – as pleasant, as opposed to a barrage relentless apprehension and paranoia. What's more, she had succeeded in coaxing a broad smile from him at their reminiscences. To be fair though, their trip down memory lane had purely consisted of recollections and ripping yarns from their secret study meetings. Those meetings were undeniably the highlight of that tense time, acting as a rare respite from perpetual bouts of worry and unease or the incessant spinning of supposition and suspicion over the incident.
In those months, the few hours a week spent with Zelda were islands of relative tranquillity in a treacherous and unrelenting sea, only marred slightly by his sudden – to Zelda at least – refusal to talk of Midna, after his previously expressed openness to the idea of sharing their adventures. She had taken this reversal with remarkably good grace and refrained from prying into the reasons, despite her obvious disappointment at his abrupt reticence. Whether her lack of probing was purely out of consideration for the potentially painful essence of the memories themselves or partly to avoid stringing him up any higher than she recognised he clearly was at the time, he couldn't say for certain. Nevertheless, looking back on it now, he couldn't deny a twinge of guilt and shame over his silence, particularly in light of how much she'd helped him since.
Twinges of guilt aside, he had to marvel at the princess repeatedly achieving the minor miracle of diverting his mind, both at the time – distracting him from the unshakable trepidation of an oncoming storm, unseen yet sensed – and, now in her rose-tinted recollections – drawing him from dwelling on the storms shadow, which still lingered almost a year on. To be honest though, the princess had always possessed an almost criminally efficient pull on him! A more irresistible distraction than her, he couldn't name, though there were times when he wished that weren't true.
From brief wanderings around the shadowy study, with its ghostly cage of unlit bookcases, his gaze was inevitably drawn back to the captor of his attention and his heart, reclining languidly in sumptuous yet scandalously underdressed refinement, her beguiling feminine voice wrapping up yet anecdote of their secret "study" sessions, carrying a slight air of wistfulness.
Yet again her so called "evidence" seemed to focus on their undeniably pleasurable interactions or praising his numerous insignificant acts of kindness, many so minor and unnoteworthy they had simply slipped his mind until now, all while downplaying major events, particularly his many failings. Just like every other piece of evidence she'd offered, they all demonstrated priorities entirely contrary to their stated purpose of backing up her claims of his kleptomania, portraying him as some shining beacon of kindness, morality and, most bizarrely… fun!? Fun was scarcely a word which sprung readily to mind when he described himself – few positive words ever did – though he had improved in that regard, in part thanks to the princesses' influence.
Nevertheless, as he watched Zelda take a relaxed sip from her wine glass, he couldn't stop his thoughts from drifting back to her diplomatically worded diminution of such major events. Was it disrespectful to downplay such a crisis?
The princess's sapphire eyes met his and she quirked a brow in quizzical amusement. It was only then he realised… he'd been frowning. "I know that look. What has your princess done to stoke your disapproval, oh handsome knight?"
Link did his best to suppress the effects of her disarming charms as he attempted to articulate his thoughts. He coughed to clear his throat and then, noting its dryness, lubricated it with a sip of the sweet libation from his own wine glass. It was definitely a wine he'd tasted before but he couldn't place it. Ahem, anyway back to answering her question… "Princess, how can you so sit there so nonchalant and brush off the start of the biggest crisis since the twilight invasion… as little more than a footnote?"
"Because regardless of its magnitude at the time, it is nevertheless in the past and as such should only be called upon when relevant."
"When relevant?!"
"Link, the past serves but two main purposes to those living in the present, with an eye to the future. Memories of the good times are to be treasured and those born of pain are to be learnt from. Acknowledging past tragedies has its place however that is not here and dwelling on them, while giving the illusion of soothing one's conscience, actually only serves to compound grief and guilt, no matter how misplaced, something I neither need nor desire."
He thought back to all their prior conversations. How many times had the mistakes of her past loomed large over her. How many confessions of supposed guilt had he been privy to from her. Yet in the months since the storm passed, such confessions and discussions had all but dried up. The realisation brought a fuzzy feeling to his stomach and his frown was banished, replaced by a warm smile. He felt… proud… for her. "That's not a sentiment I thought I'd hear from you Zelda. You've changed much."
"Oh, it is a pearl of wisdom I have always known deep down, however I always found it difficult to put it into practice. It is a lesson I must thank you for…" the princess beamed and the hero blushed, though he couldn't see how he could claim credit for such a thing when it was a lesson he had yet to truly grasp, himself. "… now let us move on from such weighty topics before they sour the desired mood."
The desired mood? Yet another coy elusion in this farcical trial. He may be revelling in the princess's company but her continued coquettish evasiveness was driving him insane, whether more from exasperation or temptation, he couldn't say… at least, not willingly. "And what mood would that be, your highness?"
Zelda showed no signs of irritation at the use of her title, her smile growing almost sickening in its façade of innocent sweetness. "Why? What mood do you think, virtuous hero?" She cooed, a devious glint in her gaze.
Damn you woman! "If I didn't no better, I'd say the sort of mood to try and seduce said virtuous hero into confessing."
There was a dramatic gasp from the princess, a gloved hand flying to her mouth and her eyes widening to almost comical extremes in "shock". Nice "acting" Zelda! "My, Link! What a scandalous assumption! What could I have possibly done to lead you to such a conclusion?"
Link could smell the trap a mile away. If he actually answered, not only would he give her the satisfaction of knowing his weaknesses but would likely provide the perfect opportunity to press him again on his feelings for her. The only possible escape was to copy the princess's own tactics. "Quit playing coy and innocent Zelda, you already know the answer."
"On the contrary, I am entirely innocent and utterly bewildered as to the origins of such salacious insinuations. Watch what you say hero. This is a serious trial and if you continue to besmirch the name of your merciful princess, then she may be forced to punish you for your insubordination." Her voice may have held the authoritative tone required for her warning but it was undermined by her blatant grin.
"Oh pleeeaaaasssseeee! Zelda, this is to trials what Eddengrin's duel was to contests of virtue."
The sweet, demure curve of the princess's lips contorted into a cold hard line and her eyes narrowed at him. He, however, barely batted an eye at this sudden switch of demeanour, now suspecting it to be just as fake as this supposed "trial".
Sure enough, after a few seconds facing his unshaken visage, her own stony one evaporated as she cocked her head impishly, her lips curling into a broad pink bow of mischief… and temptation. "It seems I am not the only one who has changed much. Not only has your political nous improved significantly but it seems you have grown bold in our association. Before, you would have likely apologised…"
In other circumstances he may still have done so but her bamboozling concoction of encouraging praise, exasperating coyness and mischievous teasing had driven him to the point of near insanity. "and I would… if you hadn't spent the last goddess knows how long tormenting me." he interjected.
Zelda giggled. "Tormenting you?! Oh, such melodrama I have not experienced since the last Bill Stirlance play we attended. Do you recall the one, Link?"
Link tried his best to hide the flush of his cheeks. Oh, he definitely remembered! The enigma was whether the melodrama she was referring to was the play… or his own poorly disguised jealous actions – poorly disguised but disguised nonetheless – towards the suitor who'd been accompanying them? Well technically Link was the one doing the accompanying but the point still stood. "Yes, I recall."
"Ah yes, the romance, the jealousy. Why I could almost taste it in the air!"
"What romance? What jealousy?" Link blurted.
"Why, Petruchio and Kati of course! What else could you possibly think I was referring to… unless…" she let out a theatrical gasp. "… surely you are not suggesting something else. Anything you care to admit, Link?"
"No" came Link's curt response, sounding all to defensive for the simple answer.
Zelda obviously picked it up. "Really? Then what about my answer confused you?"
"Um, well… I couldn't remember the plot" It would be more accurate to say the plot utterly failed in the competition for his attention, losing spectacular to an incandescent princess and an insufferable prick.
"So, there was no other source of jealousy that night?" Her tone didn't even try to hide the insinuation in the question.
Link was about to give another ardent yet undefended "No" when wit provided a rare but timely deflection. "Not unless you include Snobby Sir Stinky's envy of Petruchio" He quipped drolly
Zelda tutting. "Yet again you demonstrate your newfound boldness and wit, jibing insulting at one of my many esteemed suitors. One might be compelled to presume a reason as to your innate antagonism towards my suitors. Care to elaborate?"
The implication was obvious and, unsurprisingly, spot on. He didn't want to answer but refusal to do so would be as good as admitting his guilt. "Well… they're pompous, obnoxious and disrespectful, even to the princess they're supposedly courting. Can you honestly give me a good reason why I shouldn't despise them?"
"And yet all others among the court whom you despise are seemingly spared that particular brand of hostility, a hostility purely directed at those who choose to court me. Is it not rather… indicative?"
"Zelda, it's my job to protect you! They may not necessarily be a threat to your life but none of those nobs have or had your best interests at heart and that is just as important."
"Oh, so you are saying it is chivalry that compels you. One could be forgiven for concluding an entirely different fuel ignited your animus?"
"Zelda, if you've got something to say, come out and say it!" Link snapped, tired of the repeated unsubtle insinuations of his jealousy. It was pretty clear she knew, so why couldn't she just put him out of his misery.
"How rude!" Zelda huffed but her smile remained "... I'll say it when you finally find the nerve to confess."
"I'll confess when I'm sure what it is and only if I consider myself guilty."
"Ah, so progress has been made."
"How so?"
"You may not be certain however you clearly have a suspicion what you stole and the confession I seek…"
The princess was right as always. He did have a suspicion… a suspicion which seemingly vindicated his heart's absurd flights of fancy, much to his rational mind's dismay. With every new piece of evidence appearing to support it, the uncomfortable truth seemed undeniable. What's more, if correct, it laid bare cynicism's long history of deliberate denial of a reality his heart had insisted for many moons. Rationality's sole defence, which he still clung to, was that Zelda wouldn't set up this "trial", no matter how farcical, to accuse him of such a thing. "I mean come in, it's not even literal. How could she seriously accuse him of something figurative? How was that fair?" He reasoned to himself.
"You're talking about a woman, you know?" the voice in his head replied drolly. he had to admit it had a point.
"Ahem, Link. A rupee for your thoughts?" Zelda inquired with mild bemusement as she took another sip of wine.
Link blinked. "Princess?"
"I had just asked you, why should you not dispense with such tiresome scepticism, trust your intuition and simply confess. It would save an inordinate amount of frankly unnecessary time and breath and allow us to move on to altogether more pleasurable activities."
"It may save time but given my suspicions, I'd much rather be certain than quick."
"This coming from the man who, but an hour past, expressed his profound disconcertment at the thought of our meeting persisting past the point civility dictates."
"I think we past that point an hour ago."
"Indeed…" She sighed "… what a shame. You do realise the trouble your stubborn obliviousness has caused. All the rumours I will have to deal with."
"Are you expecting an apology? The way I see it you're the one to blame. If you simply told me what this is all about then this trial would have finished then and there. I know, I know, you insist your dignity somehow precludes it… but really, if this is just down to some social protocol then…"
"Dignity is not some whim of elite society. This is personal…"
"Oh, so it IS stubbornness!"
The princess pouted and took on the simpering manner of a spoilt child. "Link, I released you from your binds on condition you behave yourself. This is not what I meant. Perhaps some restraints will teach you restraint."
"I'm merely defending myself. What else would you have me do?"
"Surrender. I promise you, it is not as bad as it sounds. In fact, you may even enjoy it."
"And what sort of Hero would that make me?"
"The kind who understands his princess."
"Did you really expect ME to surrender?!"
"Honestly… no, although…" Zelda's eyes flitted away from Link as she picked up a fine feather quill from the desk and began stroking it delicately with glove covered fingers. She met his gaze once more with a devilish grin. "I do know a way to break you."
What was she… Oh no! "As if I'd let you do that. I've already learnt never to let you near my feet ever again."
Zelda twirled the feather playful and gave an evil chuckle. "What makes you think you have a choice in the matter? After all, it would be rather difficult to stop me when you are all tied up."
"Yeah, but my boots would still be on and there's no way you'd be able to get them off."
The princess lent forward again, eyes still locked unblinkingly on his, however unlike prior times, her indecent display failed to distract Link from the staring match they were now participating in. "Who says I'd need to remove them. I am a mistress of magic after all."
The hero, not to be intimidated by her threat, copied her motion, closing the distance and maintaining his intense unflinching gaze. "Magic doesn't include a tickle spell or I suspect a spell to remove clothes."
"Are you sure about that Link?" she inched forwards.
He followed suit. "Dead sure" Hmm, that sweet perfume…
"How presumptuous. You think I'm bluffing?" Another inch closer and still not a blink, though her eyes seemed ever more veiled beneath feathery lashes.
"Oh, I know you're bluffing." He would not be the one to back down.
She quirked an eyebrow but did not reply, simply continuing to meet his gaze with her own: a gaze increasingly reminiscent of the one she wore for him only in his most indecent and shamefully salacious dreams. He gulped, part of him warning him to look away, while temptation beaconed him to simply follow the course of such dreams. The princess's pulse-raising peepers, with their low veil of gossamer lashes hung precariously close to closing and invited him to do the same. Just close his eyes and lean it. Oh so simple… oh so alluring… and yet oh so unmistakably foolish.
"Concentrate on the threat, not the fantasy!" he mentally chastised himself. In this mood the normally demure princess was certainly the former, even as her current conduct came remarkably close to the latter. She was clearly up to something and intuition whispered to keep watch for an ambush. Pride or fascination – he couldn't tell which – refused to divert his gaze to scan for such hypothetical dangers, as breaking eye contact would mean another defeat. After all she'd put him through tonight and her many small victories over him, he couldn't let her win this one. Still he had to keep his wits about…
Wait, did she just… lick her lips? No, don't look at them! Don't even think about it or you'll end up… you just had to copy her, didn't you?! Ok, just forget it and keep focused.
The sixth sense of approaching attack was growing at equal pace with the princess's devious grin. What was she up to? She inched tantalizingly closer.
The breath caught in Link's throat. Was he sure this was reality.
"Link." she practically sighed his name.
"Yes." He croaked, his throat suddenly dry.
"I have a confession to make." She was still inching nearer.
This was too close! He should pull back. He needed to! Her perfume was undeniably intoxicating, yet the trace of alcohol on her breath reminded him of her own intoxication. If those lips he'd dreamed of tasting did dare to cross that fateful threshold to answer such a desire, he knew he'd have no honourable recourse but to refuse it… for both their sakes. His heart could complain all It wanted but if there was the slightest chance she might regret it when sober, he couldn't take it. His heart was quick to point out however, much to rationality's dismay, that the exponentially climbing mountain of evidence pointed to the opposite reaction.
He braced himself as she stopped just shy of the threshold, still scandalously intimate enough that he could almost feel her breath on his face. She likely couldn't feel his breath though because he didn't seem to have any. He'd forgotten how it worked.
"Link…" another sigh almost sent a shiver down his spine. "The truth is…" Her eyes were dangerously close to shutting as her lips parted for a breath, which seemed to whisper of longing and anticipation, leaving him frozen and spellbound. She too appeared to freeze, on the brink.
What was the truth? Wait, were her eyes on his own icy blues or on his lips? Her half-lidded gaze made it hard to tell. Come on, Zelda, what truth?!
"… I wasn't bluffing" Her beautiful, devious eyes flashed as the veil of lashes abruptly lifted.
Huh?
Suddenly something soft, cool and fuzzy brushed a spine tingly delicate line up his neck to his cheek. Link responded to this ambush with a retreat so "enthusiastic" he almost tipped his chair, jolting back from the now laughing princess and her weapon of choice, the quill, which had completely slipped his mind in the madness of their indecent proximity and her spellbinding gaze.
With her raucous yet melodious laughter ringing in his ears, taunting him with yet another victory for her royal highness, Link made a display of straightening his doublet and took another swig of wine in an effort to recover some semblance of composure and still his racing heart. Goddesses, if she continued this way he'd be an alcoholic before the night was through! He really needed to be careful with that. He didn't want a repeat of the barn fiasco, not even considering the arguably greater peril of the wine loosening his tongue. His heart would be sure to capitalise on such an opportunity.
Speaking of capitalising on an opportunity he should probably take the chance, opened by Zelda's bout of laughter, to grab the reigns of the conversation and steer into what he hoped was marginally safer territory. "Ahem, if you're done with toying with your hero, perhaps your highness would care to get back to the serious matter of my trial and discuss the latest batch of "evidence" supposedly proving my kleptomania."
"Toying with you?! My, you do have an extraordinary imagination dear hero. I was employing an officially approved technique of extracting confessions from uncooperative heroes…"
So flustered and exasperated was Link by Zelda's unrelenting teasing and coyness that he almost resorted to the vulgar retort of "Officially approved my arse!". While his deep-seated distaste of such crassness made its objections known, it wasn't that which held his tongue. No, it was the realisation that, with her current disposition, the usually prim and proper princess might just reply with "Why yes, the hero's arse IS highly officially approved" … or something to that effect, sans the vulgarity. This would inevitably result in one of two possible outcomes; sinking the conversation or, the far worse option, him accidentally letting slip his mutual admiration for her derriere – an admiration which was stoked every time she rose to add another log to the fire. Shaking such thoughts from his mind, he opted for a far safer but similarly droll retort. "Zelda, just because you're a princess, it doesn't make everything you do officially approved"
"Are you questioning my authority?!"
"No but if you're demanding I bust out the rule book… then…" He let the words hang, daring Zelda to challenge him. He may not remember many of the princess's teaching on politics and law but he wouldn't forget this one.
"Alright then Link, which articles of law are you calling on to make your treasonous claims?"
"Why, articles 9 through 30 of the 4th declaration of course, which lays out the full extent of Royal authority, jurisdiction and legislative influence, including it's restrictions as amended by Azkedin accords."
He may have won this exchange but far from flustering the princess, it only served to bolster her buoyant demeanour still further and she gave brief yet enthusiastic applause. "Very good Link, accurate and concise… and yet you constantly downplay your knowledge of politics."
"Well, it's one of the few bits I remember and that's only because of its significance in a certain crisis. I'm no good at politics."
"Do not undersell yourself to anyone, least of all to me. You may not possess the encyclopaedic knowledge of Shad or some of the others among the court but you have demonstrated admirable improvement and are now perfectly capable."
Ok, she was technically right. He had improved but he still considered adequate a far more apt description than "perfectly capable". If he was "perfectly capable", surely he would have found a way to escape this farce of a trial by now: some loophole for him to exploit or a law he could invoke to stop this madness? As it was, his only option was to try, yet again, to bring said trial back on track. "Zelda, could we please get back to the trial and discuss the evidence. There was already enough flattery in the evidence itself to make me question whether you're prosecuting or defending me."
"Oh but pointing out your many favourable qualities IS relevant to the crime for which you are accused. If it were not people might think I had poor taste. Nevertheless, I, gracious and merciful as I am, will acquiesce to your request. What do you wish to know?"
"What items I supposedly stole between Eddengrin's Holmgang and my promotion to captain?"
"Really? I would have thought at least one of them was obvious. True, you did not technically steal it from me, however you certainly are guilt of depriving me of it."
"I certainly don't recall doing anything of the sort."
"I'll give you a clue. it relates to our previous discussion regarding our last theatre outing. I trust you know the one to which I refer."
The theatre? Ah yes, the jealousy incident! That meant it had to be… a certain love poem. "Sure I remember but I can't see the relevance." He shrugged his shoulders, trying to feign ignorance.
Zelda's raise brow told him she hadn't bought it. She clicked her tongue with mild exasperation. "Then allow me to enlighten you. The item in question is a certain romantic poem, given to you by a suitor of mine, under the express condition that it be delivered to me. From what Shad described, it sounded truly exceptional… an unintentional comic masterpiece…"
"I certainly wouldn't have called it a masterpiece." Link mumbled under his breath.
The princess's lips twitched almost imperceptibly. "… Alas I was deprived of the delight of reading it for myself."
"it wasn't some deliberate plan. It was just an unfortunate accident."
"Ah yes, a most unfortunate accident indeed. Hmm, care to refresh my memory on the nature of that most tragic of accidents?"
Link could see the obvious trap but failed to see any way to avoid it. Another old mistake coming back to bite him. Nevertheless, he would face it like a man, head on! "It got soaked in the rain the previous day." he answered emphatically.
Zelda's eyes gleamed. "Really?! it got caught out in the rain, you say?… Are you sure? I vaguely recall it was also dropped in the stables and trodden on by Epona?… or was it that one of your comrades accidentally knocked it into the fire? It was so hard to tell… given how you changed the story every time I enquired."
Damn it Zelda! While he'd made sure to memorise his official cover story for his "punishment", he'd never expected the princess to pursue the fate of the poem and so never did the same for his alibis. How was he to know she'd suddenly spring questions on him in the middle of an unrelated lecture on the arrangement of legal representation among the members of the Financial Association of Rural Community Enterprises? – or F.A.R.C.E for short. He hadn't expected some sort of Inquisition!
Nevertheless, it didn't change that she had called him out and it looked like another victory for the princess, however the hero began to wonder… just maybe he could produce some twaddle like she did for her justifying her repeated thefts of chocolatey perfection? Give her a taste of her own medicine. True, he had tried that already to less than stellar results but there was always room to improve. Also, he doubted she'd see it coming.
He held up his hands. "Ok princess, you got me."
"Now Link, I know you… wait, what!" It would seem he was right, judging by her bewilderment which briefly stole her powers of speech. Hopefully she wouldn't add that to the list of things he stole from her.
"You got me. I did lie about the poem." he replied with uncharacteristic placidness.
Zelda's eyes narrowed dubiously. "Sooo, you admit deliberately denying me my suitors generous and sincere gift?"
"Yes but it was only for the noblest of intentions. Besides, my duty as a guard and as a friend demanded it."
"How so?"
"Zelda, did Shad tell you how the poem was made?"
"Of course, that is part of the reason I was so eager to experience its inspired choices for myself."
"Then surely you realise that Lord Tywin's poetic "collage" could technically be classed as stolen property. As a guard it was my duty to ensure that your royal highness doesn't become accessory to a crime by handling stolen goods. Think of the damage to your reputation if it ever got out that the royal princess herself had been involved in handling stolen goods. Why there would be people on the street whispering of the "princess of pilfering" and from there the public might have petitioned deeper investigation into the princess's potential criminal ways, which could uncover all sorts of secrets… like a history of pudding snatching. Why, it could have shaken the very core of your powerbase!... Also, as your friend I couldn't possibly give you such a tainted gift. You are deserving of so much more than that or anything he was capable of giving. I mean…" He bit his tongue to stop his heart's inevitable interference and came up with a more suitable ending. "what I'm saying is regardless of your station, you are worthy of far more than second rate gifts and what sort of friend would I be if I turned a blind eye." Defence complete and feeling a little smug about it, not least for stopping his heart's meddling, he nonchalantly retrieved his wine glass for another cooling sip.
Zelda had regained the twinkle in her eyes and a smirk was quickly growing. "How nice of you to say. So it had nothing to do with it being a gift from one of my suitors?"
"Well knowing the arse certainly was a sweet bonus but it wasn't the motivating factor." Link jibed dryly, still a little smug about his own modest contribution to the art of bending logic like a circus contortionist.
It would seem he wasn't the only one. "My, my… you really have grown!" Zelda crooned approvingly "That was some truly impressive and eloquent reasoning, not to mention imaginative."
"I learned from the best."
She chuckled and he almost thought he'd gotten away with it. "Well I thank you Link for your, ahem, "consideration" and the compliment, but as eloquent as your speech was, it also stands as codology of the highest order."
Bugger! "Codology princess?"
"Yes, as in claptrap… twaddle… poppycock."
"So?! You did the same with your whole "saving the poor orphans from a lifetime of culinary disappointment" routine." Link fired back, even going so far as to do his best Impression of her, an attempt which, for all his efforts, came closer to the squawking of an alarmed cucoo.
Zelda let slip a mirthful chuckle and playfully dabbed her quill in his direction as she riposted impishly. "Ah, but that was princess twaddle, which is entirely different and perfectly acceptable."
Against her playful tone, he struggled valiantly to bring some semblance of indignation to his next rebuke at her hypocrisy. Unfortunately, his heart continued its ongoing mission of neutering any attempts at being anything more than mildly peeved at the princess. "Oh, I see. One rule for you, another for me. Whatever happened to us being equal?"
"We are equal… in terms of respect and personal value, however there is one key difference which grants me certain privileges, privileges I would be a fool not to exploit to their full advantage."
He rolled his eyes and snorted "Of course. You're the princess and I'm just…"
"I am not THE princess! I am YOUR princess and you are MY hero. Have you forgotten the golden rule so quickly?"
"The "golden rule" was that a hero will always protect, comfort and forgive his princess, not that his princess will always get her way."
"No but that is an inevitable consequence of it and perfectly fair."
"How?"
"Because as with all things in the universe it is balanced out by the complementary component of that golden rule: The princess will be gracious, genuine and generous in her gratitude and admiration, which also presents its own equally inescapable consequences."
"Strange. I don't seem to be receiving many of these apparently universally granted benefits."
She wagged the quill at him in mock chastisement. "No because you have not been behaving as you should hero. You will receive the full uninhibited fruits of that cosmic law once you've returned the world to balance… by confessing."
"I've already told you. I'm not confessing 'til I know with one hundred percent certainty what it is."
"Hmm, and what is your current percentage, dear hero?"
"Eighty-five." It was actually far closer to ninety-five but he wasn't about to give that away. He still clung to the increasingly foolish hope that he was wrong, the only remaining foundation for which was the rationale that she wouldn't pull such a convoluted stunt to accuse him of a metaphor - what's more a metaphor beyond his control!
"Very well then. We'll need to change that. To that end, how about you reveal the true motivation behind you withholding Tywin's poem."
"I already told you…"
"A most entertaining and inventive lie but a lie none the less. Even more foolish you thought to invoke duty as your motivation, forgetting the vital third dimension of the golden rule, namely "neither hero nor princess ever perform their duties purely for duty's sake." There's always an additional element."
Back to this again! "Do you ever get the feeling your talking in circles."
"Of course! at every council meeting. Your point?"
"That you already know my answer and clearly have your own, so you might as well say it because I wont."
The princess merely shook her head, tutting like a disapproving teacher. "Oh no, no, no. That would not do at all. Very well, if you insist on being so needlessly obstinate, we will move on to other matters and I will simply take your reticence as proof…"
"That's cheating!"
"And by what rules are you concluding such blasphemy? A princess never cheats." Again with the blatantly feigned outrage. How had this not lost its disarming charms already.
"A) because it's grossly unfair and B) I know that's a lie because I've seen you cheat before. Going back to the Butt contest, "Sir Cocksure" may have been wrong for calling you out for your incredible final shot but he wasn't entirely wrong. You DID cheat."
"It depends how you define cheating. Some would define it as simply redressing the balance but please do enlighten me. Of what do you speak?"
Ah yes, one of the tricks of politics she'd taught him: some problems or accusations can be undermined by redefining them. Not that Zelda had chosen the best example this time, given how clear cut it was – she was guilty – but then again, she really didn't give any indication of serious effort. Was this just like the tart incident, where she actually wanted to be called out?
Regardless, he needed to answer and if that's what she wanted then so be it. "When he gave you that bow, you weren't too subtle about praying in public… at least that's what you wanted everyone to think you were doing. You succeeded in your deception and nobody, not even me, would have guessed your mutterings were actually a spell of some kind, to allow you to draw the bow. The key clue was how you clutch your hands together… covering the back to hide the glow of the tri-force."
"So, when did you figure it out?"
"I've suspected ever since you first challenged me to a Butt contest, though it was only confirmed by your illuminating retelling."
"Hmm, very good and not even a lie this time. However, would you really have preferred me to play fair and lose?"
"No, if anything I would have hoped you'd have given him an even bigger thrashing."
"It was certainly my intention to do so. Unfortunately, I misjudged the strength required and consequently underpowered the first spell, hence the second bout of praying."
"What! Zelda you damn near gave me a heart attack when it looked like you were going to losing!"
"Good! Your ill-fated stunt did the same to me. I nearly panicked when you landed so violently. Then when you were lying unconscious I… I… Link, you almost had me lose my composure in front of my entire army!..." For a rare moment, he was awarded a rare glimpse of his princess blushing and sheepish, a sight his heart emphatically approved of even as it turned to mush at the feelings behind her words. It was also yet more evidence to support his heart's assertion and it was about to receive the final piece that would all but confirm it, smashing his rational minds last hope for denial.
Zelda took a moment to compose herself before delivering the killer blow. "you robbed me of my triumph, my thunder and very nearly took any semblance of calm."
She had just accused him of… a figurative crime! He was done for!
Link's heart was dancing a victory jig, while rationality – or cynicism, depending on your viewpoint - sank into a pit of despondency… and, arguably, shame. The ridiculousness of the list of charges mattered little. They were a nonsense and yet they provided vindication to his heart and with it came a level of ambivalence and inner turmoil beyond the comprehension of most mortal men.
His crime was stealing her heart and his love was the confession she sought. It was a confession he'd dreamt of giving a hundred different times in a hundred different permutations, all equally sincere and true. It would be so easy to simply let go of his heart's leash and let it spill forth like a tidal wave of sappy admiration, sugary adoration and scandalous amorousness. The thought of such release and passionate hours which could result from it rendered him lighter than air. Yet as exhilarating and freeing as the tidal wave would be, possibly leading to the happiest hours of his life, his common sense reminded him of a tidal waves nature to destroy and he was suddenly crushed under a ten-tonne weight.
True, they may be blissfully happy together for a few hours, a few days or even a few weeks but inevitably the fairy tale would die taking Zelda's happiness with it. He had always questioned his worthiness to court her on a personal level but, given the mountain of other factors inevitably working against them, such personal misgivings were rendered all but moot by comparison. If they were to confess, to unite in union of heart and soul and share the rest of their mortal lives, then his beloved princess would surely spend the rest of her days in an unending battle with both court and kingdom to defend both their reputations, repair HIS mistakes, compensate for HIS inadequacies in both breeding and ability and still end up less respected than had she simply chosen an approved candidate.
He would have thought the anniversary crisis to be the perfect encapsulation of why their union could never work, containing a copious catalogue of quandaries and complications arising from their increasingly close association. Surely, she could recognise the dangers? Then again perhaps that was part of why she was so set on dismissing it… just like he'd spent the last year trying to dismiss her increasingly frequent and obvious flirting despite his heart's constant insistence of her sincerity. Ultimately cynicism and convenience had won out. After all it was far easier to hold your tongue on your feelings when you convinced yourself there was no chance of them being reciprocated.
Nevertheless, he had to take responsibility for hurting her, which he undeniably had with the equivalent of sticking his fingers in his ears, or at least trying to, though his heart made it nigh on impossible to be cold to her charms. He just hadn't encouraged or played into them… most of the time… ok, some of the time. Still, she had said he had tormented her and now his guilt was irrefutable. It hurt to know he'd made her suffer but it had been for her own good. Alfonzo had made him promise to protect her always and, in all ways, and that included her happiness, a happiness which surely couldn't withstand the steady erosion of an unsympathetic court and ignorant subjects.
"Link… Link, are you alright? Come back to me." The princess's soft tones, laced with concern, shook him from his deliberations and he looked up to see that her playful, alluring demeanour was tainted with worry. He could feel her beautiful sapphire eyes trying to peer into his soul and coax out the secrets of his troubles. Then there was a familiar jolt of electricity as a soft gloved hand laid tenderly on his.
His own icy blues flitted to her dainty fingers and back up again. As their eyes met once more, he finally acknowledged the love he had always seen in them and yet always denied. In acceptance their radiance was magnified, pulling him inescapably into their passionate depths, with promises both comforting and thrilling. She loved him! And he loved her! Why not just confess? It would be so easy… so simple… so right… and yet so very wrong!
"Link?!" Zelda's playfulness dissolved completely, replaced with pensive concern as she tried to coax him back to reality with a gentle rub of his hand.
He blinked, gulped and fortified himself. "I'm alright Zelda. I was just deliberating."
"About what? Confessing or was it something else? Dear hero, this trial may be important but If there is something else troubling you then please… tell me." she rubbed his hand again and his resolve almost buckled under the sincerity of her plea.
He almost confessed… but… he couldn't risk her happiness. That left him with just two options; beg her to abandon the trial or simply buy time until a solution presented itself. "No, it IS about the trial."
"Then… are you ready to confess?"
"Not quite. I know you can't tell me what it is but perhaps you could answer me this. At where we've reached in the evidence have I yet acquired your most precious possession?"
Zelda cocked her head inquisitively, intrigued and seemingly subtly amused by his line of enquiry. "Not yet. All I can divulge is that it was a long, intricate heist, the true beginning of which I cannot pinpoint. Its ending, however, is a moment I will never forget." The tender wistful smile she gave him tugged at his heart, once more compelling his confession, but his rationality held the wave of passion and inevitable destruction at bay, aided by the princess's unwitting gift. Thanks to her answer he now had the perfect stalling tactic.
"Then I wish to hear the whole heist play out, leaving nothing out."
This prompted a brief frown from the princess, and she regarded him with a suspicious probing stare. The examination was short and her conclusion enigmatic as she returned her quill to its pot. "Very well, Link, you want to be thorough. I will oblige…" She paused to retrieve her wine glass. "… on one condition… once done, you confess. Refuse and, I will have no recourse but to resort to more extreme measures…" she took a languid sip, her eyes regaining on their earlier scandalous veil of lashes, as they met his intently. "… understood?"
Link shivered, slightly worried that her warning of extreme measure provoked more anticipation than trepidation. What did she mean by extreme measures? her gaze was giving him all the wrong ideas. "Pull yourself together!" he chastised himself as he glanced off towards the crackling fire. It would soon require another stoking. Perhaps he should offer to do it this time… to save his sanity.
"Do you agree?" Zelda pressed for an answer.
He hesitated on the brink. If he agreed, there was no going back. Then again, he had no other viable options. "Yes. if I agree that I'm guilty then I'll confess."
"Then you WILL confess. Good. So, shall we continue?"
A simple nod was his only reply. He was committed now. There was no going back. The trial was on once more but his mission had changed. He now knew the precious item in his possession. His new mission: convince her to take it back without breaking it – if that was even possible. Could he do it? He didn't know. Was it what he truly wanted. NO! Would he do it anyway? Yes… for her sake. He was her hero and it was his duty to protect her… to save her… from herself.
…
Damn! He needed a drink.
The glass was almost to his lips when the smell brought him to a shuddering halt. Alarm bells were ringing. Why? He was sure he knew this wine but why would it set him on high alert?
He picked up the bottle which according to the label proudly proclaimed its identity as a vintage Vevany, yet he knew he'd never tried such a wine before. He sniffed again and it did nothing to sway his conviction. Indeed, it only increased his alarm.
He scanned the label again, searching intently for any dubious signs when… hang on! There's another label underneath!
A second later, without even needing to peel the label, the rupee dropped and so did his stomach.
Oh Goddesses, surely it couldn't be Nabooru Spiced Wine? It had another name… Lovers Wine for its unique "effects".
His gaze shot to the beautiful evil mastermind reclining elegantly in her throne, carelessly twirling a stray strand of her chocolatey locks as she started her next tale, oblivious to his discovery.
His eyes narrowed.
Zelda, you devious little…