Author's Note – Ok I went back and changed some things and I'm not going to have Rory go bad, because that's just not Rory he is just wearing black because she really doesn't know how to deal with everything that is going on. But she will be close to the same old Rory later in the story. I also changed it to darker shades of all the colors. Thank you so much everyone who reviewed and thanks to 'asdf', what you wrote helped me a lot and I'm grateful. I would have had this chapter up earlier but last night my mom said I couldn't stay up and had to go to bed because I would wake u p my little brother and I couldn't get on earlier because she says I am spending to much time on the computer but I think there is no such thing but I finally have some time to write and I'll stop ranting.

-Rebecca


Second Author's Note - Ok, in Luke's apartment the extra room has it's own walls and a door plus it's own bathroom well at least in this story it does. Also Rory would be staying at her house but Luke doesn't want her to be alone so that is why she is living with him and the fact that he is more of a father to her than Christopher. I am adding things I think happened later in the years like the baseball cap but I can't remember when it happened so just please deal with it. Emily and Richard are still paying for Chilton and they are still having Friday night dinners.

Disclaimer - Anyway on with the story also I always forget to write this I don't own anything except my imagination, many c.d.'s and notebooks filled with stories. But I do wish I could own Jess….

Previously on It Should Have Been Me Instead –

Everything had seemed to freeze and time seemed to stop. The five minutes it took to get the Hartford Hospital was the longest five minutes in Rory Gilmore's life. They had entered the ambulance and Lorelai had told Rory she loved her and she loved everyone and were the will was and the her last words were, "Never give up and I will always be with you in your mind and heart I love you Rory." And with that Lorelai Gilmore was announced dead before they even got to the hospital. Rory's last words were 'I love you mom.' Right there in front of Rory, both holding each other's hand. Rory knew she was losing Lorelai when the grip on her daughter's hand started to loosen and she knew she lost her mother when she let go of her hand and the monitor flat lined.

Rory thought it was her fault that her mother had died. Thinking, 'It should have been me, why did she have to save me she should have lived it's all my fault.' That's what the only thing that Rory had said right after her mother died.

They had already had a funeral and Rory spent a lot of her time at the Stars Hollow cemetery now days. Lorelai had left everything to Rory the car, the house. Rory was going to be sent to live either with Christopher or move in with Richard and Emily but Rory refused and she was now temporarily staying at Luke's. She would still go back to her and Lorelai's place at times. She hadn't changed anything. She would cry herself to sleep in Lorelai's bed her pillows still smelling like her. Some days she would stay there all day and even miss school now days.

Everyone in town knew Rory had changed she had broken up with Dean and she now wore darker shades of shirts and dark blue jeans. Her hair was always down and her book bag was now black she had black and white converses. Her ears were pierced in the correct place and they had silver crosses on them and she had a silver cross pendant necklace that no one could see. She didn't know how to act anymore all she wanted was for the pain to go away and stop. She really doesn't talk to anyone except Luke, Sookie and Lane basically. At school she still does good but she had blocked everyone out. She had changed. The Rory Gilmore that everyone had grown to love had died or at least that's what Rory thought. But little did she know she would meet someone who could help her move past her grief and on with her life.

Chapter Two – Just Another Day

Stars Hollow, Connecticut / Luke's Apartment

Rory was awoken by her alarm clock it was 6:00 a.m. and she had to be ready to leave for school by 7:00. She turned it off and got up out of her bed, she looked around and sighed she was in Luke's apartment in the extra room that was now her own room she liked it there but it wasn't home. She had her twin-sized bed in a corner with a nightstand next to it. The headboard facing the window at the foot of the bed was the door to her bathroom and her tall dresser it had four drawers then two in one level it was standing on the opposite wall and her door as well. The walls were a cream color and the furniture had a wood looking appearance with a glossy finish on it, she also had a tall bookcase in the corner opposite from her bed at an angle. Her bed spread was a light blue color with white clouds on it. She made her bed, took a shower, brushed her teeth, then her hair and got ready to go to Chilton. Today would be her first day back in a little over a week. She had been doing all of her homework that she had missed and had people take notes for her. Nobody at Chilton knew about what happened to her mother except the teachers and Rory wanted to keep it that way so she put on a dark blue headband and took her backpack with her downstairs into the diner.

Luke's Diner

Luke saw Rory enter from behind the curtain he didn't mind Rory living with him but he wished he could do something more for Rory. He would hear her crying at night some times and it broke his heart because she was like a daughter to him.

He gave Kirk his breakfast and turned to Rory who was sitting at the other end of the counter. He was still wearing the same flannel shirts as always and everything and his blue baseball cap that Lorelai had given him for christmas.

Besides Rory, Luke was the second most in pain because of Lorelai's death, he had loved her and still did but he would never be able to tell her that. He always thought of when she would annoy him for coffee and all the times he had wanted to just tell her he liked her and see what would have happened but he would never get the chance that's what he hated. But he had to put on a strong face for both his and Rory's sake she was the only thing left remaining of Lorelai in a way, Rory was her mini-me.

"Hey what do you want for breakfast?" Luke asked her pouring her some coffee.

"Uh I'll just have a Danish to go since I'm already late and I don't want to miss the bus." Rory said drinking her coffee. She was trying to act like nothing had happened. (Also in this story right now everyday is danish day not just Tuesday.)

"Ok here you go remember if you need anything just call." Luke said as Rory stood up and put her backpack on her shoulder.

"I will thanks Luke." Rory said and walked behind the counter and hugged him. He awkwardly hugged her too. "Bye Luke, Later Kirk." Rory said and headed towards the bus stop with her Danish and a Luke's to go cup of coffee.

Chilton Preparatory Academy/ Hartford, Connecticut

Rory stepped off the bus and looked at the school remembering when she and Lorelai had been there on her first day. That brought a small smile to Rory's face and chuckled slightly then stopped and entered the Chilton halls. 'Ok maybe if you just don't look at anyone they won't notice. It's not like many people notice me in the first place. But there's Paris and Bible Boy.' She opened her locker and put her books in it and took some out.

"Well hello Mary," Tristan said walking towards Rory and she thought, 'Speak of the devil.'

"What do you want Tristan I'm not in the mood to argue with you right now." Rory said, she took out the books she would need and saw she had a picture of her and Dean on her locker door she took it off folded it neatly in half and put it in her backpack before putting it in her locker and put up a picture of her and Lorelai together on her 16th birthday, Rory was wearing the pink feather boa and crown both of them smiling and laughing. Rory but a strained smile on her face looking at the picture sighed closed her locker and looked at Tristan. Who had noticed what Rory had just done and there was something different about her he could tell she wasn't her usual perky self.

"Ok, sorry so I'm guessing you and farmer boy broke up then." Tristan said pointing to the locker.

"Yeah so what things just weren't working out we didn't have a lot in common any more." Rory said then thought, 'We never really did have anything in common.'

"Well," Tristan said trailing off also noticing that she didn't correct him when he said 'farmer boy'.

"Well what? I don't have all day so if you have anything to say just spit it out." Rory snapped at him. Tristan looked taken aback, something was definitely wrong with her today.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap at you like that but I'm going to be late for class on my first day back." Rory said and looked Tristan in the eyes and he realized it. Her eyes didn't have the same shining sparkle that they always had, it was gone.

"You ok?" Tristan asked her putting his hand n her shoulder actually concerned about her and what was bothering her.

"Yeah I'm fine really just didn't have enough coffee this morning anyway later." Rory said and walked away towards her first period class, which was Social Studies and left a puzzled Tristan to ponder what had just happened. Something was wrong and he was going to figure it out.

The rest of the day flew by for Rory as hard as she tried to concentrate should couldn't she had to much on her mind and she didn't want to think about any of it. Paris had been bugging her about where she had been and why he wasn't insulting he. Rory had tried ignoring her but had finally had enough and yelled at her during science class and the teacher knowing about what had happened asked Rory to the front of the classroom and sent her to the school counselor's office even after Rory protested saying she was fine. Luckily for her that was her last period class and only had to stay at the counselor's office for ten minutes. She really hadn't said anything just that she was fine and had just been annoyed by Paris.

Luke's Diner / Stars Hollow

As she stepped off the bus and headed towards Luke's in dire need of coffee she entered the diner to find Luke yelling into the telephone she just shook her head went upstairs into her room and changed into some regular clothes and went t back downstairs to hear Luke finishing his conversation.

"No Liz…. I know but… you know what fine send him here he probably just need's to get away from his psychotic mother!" Luke said and Rory was sitting at the counter and could here the person on the other end yelling. "Fine…ok when will… well gee Liz that's convenient… ok bye." Luke said and slammed the phone back on the phone hook, which caused Rory to jump.

"Care to share what's wrong over a nice cup of coffee?" Rory asked the only time that seemed be like it was a another normal and that Lorelai was just working was when Rory was sitting at the counter and acting like it, Luke thought the same thing.

"Huh, oh Rory when did you get here?" Luke asked

"Few minutes ago, anyway how about that coffee because I have a lot of homework since I missed some of my class because of Paris." Rory said glaring at the counter

"What why? Are you in trouble?" Luke asked

"No I was just sent to the counselor's office after I yelled at Paris in the middle of class but luckily it was at the end of the day." Rory said sipping the coffee Luke had given her.

"Oh well uh…" Luke started

"Um Luke can we talk later because I have a lot of homework to do?" Rory asked

"Yeah sure." Luke said and with that Rory went upstairs to do her homework. Luke sighed and just thought what the hell he was going to do about his new situation. He was in over his head and the person he would have gone to for help wasn't around anymore.

Author's Note – Ok, I know this is shot but I didn't want to write what was going to happen next but I am thinking some of you are guessing what it is. Anyway the next chapter will be longer. Please R&R and I will update faster.

-Rebecca