Calvin's parents walked into the sitting room and saw Calvin watching "Titanic Teens".
"Calvin, may we have a word?" His dad asked.
"No!" Calvin replied, still staring at the TV.
"Calvin, we think you need to…" His mom started.
"No!" Calvin replied, still staring at the TV.
Calvin's parents looked at each other.
"Do you want any dessert this year?" Calvin's dad asked.
"No!" Calvin replied, still staring at the TV.
"Calvin!" Calvin's mom cried. "Are you even listening to us?"
"No!" Calvin replied, still staring at the TV.
Calvin's mom stared incredulously. Calvin's dad rubbed his forehead. There was only one thing to do…
"No!" Calvin said, still staring at the TV.
In anger, his dad grabbed the remote and turned off the TV.
"Hey!" Calvin cried.
"You've been watching television for five hours!" Calvin's dad yelled. "There is fresh snow for your sculpture things. Go and play outside."
"But "Rabbit Bird" is one of my favorite Titanic Teens episodes." Calvin complained. "You see, well, you know Bird, the girl in the cloak. Well, she…"
"I don't care. Play outside." Calvin's dad ordered.
Calvin stood up. He grabbed Hobbes and walked to the door.
"Why won't you ever change?" He screamed as he went outside and slammed the door.
Calvin's dad stood frozen. His mouth fell open in shock as Calvin's Mom hugged him
Calvin and Hobbes had gone on a walk across the block. They stopped as they saw small, fresh footprints coming from Susie's house.
"Hobbes, make a snow fort and snowballs." Calvin ordered. "I'll lure her."
"Roger!" Hobbes agreed as he began packing together some snow.
"I'm on the suspect's trail. I know it was her. And it was darn shame. She's escaped the authorities more often then I've escaped overtime. She was mighty skilled about it too." Bullet Tracer thought as he loaded his gun. "If my hunch is correct, then she has to go down. If not, who cares, she is still going down."
Calvin made a snowball and began following the footprints until he found Susie making a snowman.
"I've found the unsuspecting dame. I aim my weapon. She's not escaping me this time." Tracer thought as he aimed and fired…
Hobbes waited at the snow fort.
"It's been fifteen minutes! Where is that kid?" Hobbes thought.
Hobbes froze in fear. A snowman had begun walking towards him.
"The Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons have returned!" Hobbes cried in fear.
"It's me!" Calvin said from inside the snowman. "Since when was Susie so strong?"
"Oh!" Hobbes replied embarrassed as he yanked the snowman off. "What did she do to you?"
Calvin began heading inside. But not before saying, "Let's just say, she escaped the authorities," leaving Hobbes standing clueless.
Susie kicked some snow. What a weirdo that kid was! He deserved what she'd done to him. He had attacked her for no reason. Also, that club Calvin had, GROSS, had no purpose but to torture her. As if that wasn't enough, Calvin makes all those strange snow sculptures. And he ruins all their games together. He deserves every thing she could do to him.
So why did she feel so guilty? Why does she want to spend time with him? Inviting Calvin to her birthday party, all those tea parties, the house games, why was she doing all that to herself? Why?
Calvin stormed through the house, rambling on and on to a bored Hobbes. Eventually, they entered the kitchen, and things got real messy.
"…I mean, I threw a snowball that missed, and she throws a snowman! Where's the justice in that?" He said angrily. "I hate her Hobbes! I hate my parents! I hate every human being I know!"
In anger, Calvin kicked a basketball he'd left on the floor. It hit the wall and bounced into an open cupboard above the stove, smashing a bunch of wine bottles. A shard of glass fell and hit a button, turning on the stove. A fire started and so high, it burned the cupboard, causing the cupboard to explode. Amongst the fire alarm, Calvin took a closer look to see a large hole in both the ceiling and wall. He saw that his parents' room had been damaged. Their bed and carpet had caught fire. He also saw that he hole in the wall led to another cupboard in the dining room. And they knew which one.
"Is that the cupboard your parents keep their wedding china in?" Hobbes whispered before they heard the clattering of glass.
"Hobbes, go to the phone in the living room, call the FBI Witness Protection program. Tell them that I'm at the airport, then run there and meet me." Calvin said as tried to run away.
As soon as he exited the room, he came face to face with his parents. Calvin knew of nothing else to do but give them Bambi eyes.
"What do you mean "accident"?" Calvin's dad roared. "You torched our room, wasted $60 of wine, destroyed our wedding china, and burned two cupboards down. You could've been killed!"
Calvin had been sat down in the dining room. The firemen had come and gone, and the damaged paid for.
"I kicked a ball, and next thing you know, all hell broke loose." Calvin explained again.
"That is a lame excuse! This is the worst thing you've ever done!" Calvin's mom cried.
"What about the time I crashed our car over the ditch? Or when I flooded the house?" Calvin asked out of curiosity.
Calvin's dad turned red in anger. He growled and it, causing Calvin to shake in fear.
"You are grounded major!" Calvin's mom said as calmly as she could be. "No allowance, dessert or TV for a month, and no fireworks tonight!"
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Calvin cried.
And that's chapter two good folks…