Chapter 3

I froze, desperately trying to breathe.

In and out.

In and out.

Thousands of thoughts were coming through my mind, one more irrational than the other. Suddenly, I didn't know where I was, what I was doing or why the hell I was holding a glass of wine. All I knew was that he came to the flat.

He.

Of all the people.

For the second time in my whole life I felt utterly helpless. I was reminded of everything that happened almost seven months ago. Every sound, every smell, every freaking moment of that horrible night.

With my back turned, I wasn't able to face him. Not yet. I was just standing there and staring at Isobel who was making a wry face. I was sure she wanted to kick that piece of shit out and go back to whatever she was doing. Ah, right – observing the eclipse. Just like the rest of us was supposed to do before he–

"Henry?" Paula gasped.

"How did you get in?" Tyler demanded, moving towards him.

"And hello to you, too," he sneered, clearly annoyed by their behaviour. What the hell was he expecting? A welcoming committee? "I have a spare key, don't you remember? After all, Paula's my sis."

"Well, yes, but–" Paula stuttered.

"Dom told me about the party. So we decided to drop by and spend the night with you."

Wait… what? We?

Slowly, I managed to look over my shoulder.

I met him four years ago in a pub when celebrating the end of our first exam session. At first, I didn't take a liking to this fair-haired guy as he was too loud, too confident and joked a lot. He seemed to know everyone there, both men and women, and that was way too much for a quiet and shy girl like me. Not to mention that Paula was his younger sister and told me each and every bad thing about him.

Unfortunately, as time went by, we started spending more and more time together. I hated it. We met at every party, at every karaoke evening and at every film show we had during the next term. He was practically everywhere where I was. As a result, I got to know him better. And soon I had a change of heart and eventually fell in love with him.

The year we spend together was the best I had ever had. I was loved, admired, and cared for. I was asked on dates and romantic walks. I was the first person whom he contacted in the morning and the last whom he talked with at night. For one year I was the most important person in his life and felt the most beautiful girl in the world. I had everything I'd ever wanted and dreamt of.

But he didn't.

He wanted the only thing I wasn't able to give him yet. The only thing which was so precious to me that I decided to wait a bit longer. And it was too long for him.

Seven months later, as I was standing in his sister's living room, feeling abandoned, broken, and downhearted, I noticed the reason for all of that. The reason I spent that cold December night crying my heart out and wishing to die. The reason I sometimes was too afraid to wake up in the morning and live another meaningless day. The reason I had a shitty New Year's Eve and even more shitty morning of the New Year's Day.

The reason for my broken heart.

Her.

I turned around and immediately attracted her attention. She was no longer just standing near the door and observing the whole room with a tight smile, but now watching me carefully. Well, I was doing the same.

With a new haircut and dyed hair, Mary was almost unrecognisable. Had I met her in the street, I wouldn't even bother my head about a close-cropped blondish girl with pink streaks because I simply wouldn't know her. Sadly, it wasn't like she looked awful – hell, just the opposite. Now she was really pretty and she knew it; otherwise, she wouldn't flash me a sweet smile and come up to him.

"You all remember Mary, don't you?" he asked, wearing a forced smile and embracing her with one arm.

"How could we ever forget?" Isobel fumed.

The room got quiet.

Since December, I'd tried to avoid him in all manner of ways, beginning with staying at home and not going on our parties, and ending with doing the shopping in different parts of our city than usually. I knew he would be around; we had the same friends and liked the same places. Meeting him was inevitable, yet I hoped that day would come later, or even never.

"Shall we watch the eclipse?" Dominic's wobbly voice brought us back down to earth. I looked at him and immediately noticed the uneasy expression on his face.

"Yeah, right. The eclipse. Let's go outside." Paula didn't sound so excited anymore. She eyed her older brother and then turned her attention to me.

Not waiting for the rest of us, Isobel and Noah were the first ones to leave the room. I watched them disappear in the night, cursing myself for standing so far from the glass door. Had I been nearer, I would have had a chance to vanish earlier than them. Then it was Dominic and Tyler's turn who were followed by Amanda and Marco. My best friend glanced back on us before heading outside and I saw that his dark eyes were full of concern. I knew Ty worried about me but there was nothing he was able to do about the whole thing. It was my mess to clean up.

"Come on, you two. Out. We'll be right behind you," Paula said and moved towards the table, clearly wanting to clean the used plates. "Will you help me clean?" she asked and looked over her shoulder at me.

"I will," I mumbled.

Though pretending to be very interested in the bowl in front of her, she was constantly shooting me anxious looks. I ignored her and busied myself with the cutlery.

I didn't even have to look at him and Mary to know that they hadn't moved a bit and were still standing near the dining table. I hated when people were behaving like this. When they were pretending to be talking and laughing, yet at the same time checking if someone was watching them. It was so immature.

Willy-nilly, I glanced at them and it made me realise that he looked exactly the same as he used to when I'd met him and when we were a couple. He still had the same blonde hair, the same haircut, even the same way of dressing. Nothing in his appearance had changed in years. Nothing.

I took a deep breath and looked again.

Mary laughed softly and took him by the hand. Then she led him to Paula and Tyler's balcony, leaving me and Paula alone.

All of a sudden, my broken heart decided to remind me about itself. First, I felt a pang which was so delicate that I'd almost missed it. And seconds later, that depressing and devastating feeling I had in winter had hit me hard once again. I couldn't catch my breath. I couldn't move. I couldn't focus on anything. I was just standing there with a fork in my hand, staring blankly at the table and knowing my eyes were filling with tears. I felt like my heart darted out of my chest and now was lying under the table, throbbing more and more slowly, preparing for imminent dying out.

"I'm so sorry, sunshine." I heard Paula's voice as she approached me and hugged, hiding my barely standing body between her arms. "You have no idea how sorry I am."

I closed my eyes and felt tears falling down my cheeks. "Oh, Paula," I mumbled. "I don't know what to do."

"Be brave, sunshine. Be strong."

I thought I was strong. I thought I was finally ready to face the reality and move on. I thought that all I needed were seven long months, solitude and a bit of bravery. I thought I thought it through. But tonight showed me the truth. I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't ready to at last stand up to the real world and get on with my life. I wasn't properly counting the two hundred and eight days I spent in my room alone, fighting the overwhelming despair I had been feeling since the very last day of the past year. I wasn't thinking at all.

Holding tightly to Paula, I raised my head and stared at the night outside. My heart was bleeding just like the blood moon in the sky. Silently and with everyone watching closely.