Title: Take My Hand (And Show Me The Way)
Fandom: NCIS:Hawai'i
Characters: Lucy Tara, Kate Whistler, Jane Tennant, Kai Holman, Jesse Boone, OC's
Category: Angst, Drama, Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst and Fluff
Rating: R
Word Count: 2,075
Summary: Set sometime between 1x11 but before the hug and apology in 1x17. Kate is out enjoying her day off and gets pulled into an undercover mission Lucy is working on. To their mutual discomfort, they have to pretend to be a couple - FOR THE MISSION. That's right, y'all. It's a fake dating AU.
Warnings: Canon typical violence, etc.
Notes: Many thanks to Satan for beta'ing this for me, and pointing out all my plot holes. Also for helping me - okay, give me - the title. It's very much appreciated.

"There's, uh, there's only one bed."

Lucy was pretty pissed about that actually. She wanted nothing to do with Whistler right now and the forced proximity was driving her a little bit crazy. The way Kate kept touching her and looking at her, a hundred times more open than they had ever gotten to be as a real couple was like sandpaper on an open wound. The mantra of 'it's not real' kept echoing through her head, but it wasn't enough sometimes. The way Kate looked at her, it felt like more than just a part Kate was playing. But that had to be wrong. Kate couldn't care that much, not when she had been hiding a secret girlfriend from Lucy this whole time, and Lucy was nothing more than a little bit of fun on the side. It was confusing as hell and Lucy hated it.

Lucy had been looking forward to some alone time this evening to get her head on straight before they had to meet with their suspects tomorrow and perform for them again. Now it didn't look like that was going to happen.

"There's only one… right, okay," Kate said, still visibly processing what Lucy had just said. "There's only one bed. We can handle that. We're professionals, right?"

"Of course," Lucy agreed with far more enthusiasm than she felt. "Not a problem at all." It was a major problem. She did not want to be stuck sharing a bed with Whistler all night, laying awake and listening to her breathe because the alternative was falling asleep. Who knew what she would do at night? She couldn't be held responsible for what she did while she was sleeping, right? Lucy Tara was a cuddler from way back. It wasn't her fault that she gravitated toward the person she was in bed with and wrapped her arms and legs around them like a particularly clingy octopus.

"Good," Kate said. "That's settled then." She rose from her seat and grabbed her plate. "I'll just get started on the dishes then."

"No way," Lucy objected, the politeness her mother had instilled in her bones kicking in. "You cooked; I clean. It's only fair."

For a moment, Kate looked like she would protest, then she nodded. "Okay, if that's what you want." She sounded resigned and it hurt Lucy's heart a little to hear it. It hurt significantly less than the constant ache of knowing she hadn't been what she had thought to Kate though.

Lucy collected the dishes, her stomach roiling far too much to finish even the delicious food Kate had fixed and headed for the kitchen. It wouldn't take her long to clean up but maybe she could drag it out a little longer. The apartment was small and there was only so much she could do to avoid Kate.

Lucy had spent as long as she possibly could cleaning the kitchen then taken another beer out on the balcony. She had no intention of getting drunk while she was on a mission but maybe the beer would help her sleep. Lucy had a feeling she might need it.

Lucy was proved right when she eventually went to bed. There was only so long she could stall. The lights were already dimmed in the bedroom when she entered and the comforter pulled down enough for someone to climb into bed. It hadn't been like that earlier so it had to have been Kate's doing. Lucy could hear Kate in the bathroom, see the small light flooding out from under the door. Fortunately, the shower wasn't running. Lucy didn't think her heart or her head could take picturing Kate naked in there right now.

No, Lucy fully intended to be faking sleep by the time Kate got through with her nightly routine and came back into the bedroom. In light of that, she started rifling through drawers to find something to sleep in. She finally settled on a t-shirt several sizes too large and quickly changed. That, of course, brought up the problem of the bed. She knew which side Kate preferred - the left one - but she didn't particularly feel like advertising that she remembered that. Lucy herself didn't have a preference, generally starfishing out over the entire bed when she had one to herself. On the other hand, the right side was closer to the door and as the senior agent between her and Kate maybe she should take security into consideration.

A noise from behind the bathroom door reminded her that she didn't have all evening to decide, so Lucy plugged her phone in and decided on the right-hand side. Nothing to do with Kate, Lucy told herself, and everything to do with security. She had just turned the light off on her side of the bed and slipped under the covers when the bathroom door opened. She scrunched her eyes closed and pretended as hard as she could to be asleep.

Lucy heard Kate pad around to the other side of the bed and put something heavy down. Probably her phone. A little shudder and a ding meant Kate had plugged it in. How much longer could Kate stall before she got in bed and-

"I know you're not asleep," Kate said into the silence and Lucy froze. A second too late she realized she was even holding her breath, a dead giveaway. For a long moment, Lucy considered holding out anyway and pretending to still be asleep. Maybe if she did that long enough Kate would just give up. Finally, she opened her eyes and rolled over.

Kate was wearing a thin, clearly well-worn tank top and pajama pants. Lucy couldn't help but take her in. Pissed off Lucy might be, but Kate was still breathtaking. And about to crawl into bed with her. Heat rushed up Lucy's chest and into her cheeks. She hoped it was dark enough to conceal her flush from Kate.

"Did you need something?" Lucy asked, her voice coming out husky and irritated. If Kate tried to start another conversation about them now…

"What's the plan for tomorrow?" Kate asked, in her very best Special Agent Whistler voice. It was a little bit jarring but a small part of Lucy - that she definitely wasn't paying attention to right now - thought it was cute, the contrast between her demeanor and her clothing. "Have they made any further contact with you?"

"No," Lucy said, sitting up and letting the comforter fall away from her. "I would have told you," the words came out harsher than she had intended but the only thing they had left was professionalism and for Kate to accuse her of abandoning that too was all she could take.

"Right," Kate said, fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist. "Of course." She looked like she wanted to say something more but then gave a nod like she had settled something in her mind. "Well, good night then."

Instant relief washed over Lucy as Kate clicked off the last light in the room and slipped into bed. She lay flat on her back with her arms straight out at her sides. She couldn't sleep that way, Lucy knew. Kate was a side sleeper, she had told Lucy once, and she just looked so damn uncomfortable. Part of Lucy wanted to have pity on her and tell her to at least get comfortable. The other part of Lucy, the part that won in the end, thought Kate damn well deserved to be uncomfortable. Lucy pulled the comforter up a little higher, closed her eyes and made every effort to fall asleep.

It was pitch black when Lucy woke. The room was hot and stifling and Lucy threw back the covers. The air outside of them wasn't much of a relief but anything was better than the heavy blanket. She glanced over toward Kate and found the bed empty. Lucy tensed and looked toward the bathroom, but the door was open and the room was dark. Nudging the covers back further until her feet were clear, Lucy stood up and made her way to the door. Hesitantly, she opened it and peered out into the living room, looking for Kate. She wasn't entirely certain why she was looking for her. If she was out here crying or something, Lucy didn't know how she would deal with that. She couldn't, not and do her job the way she needed to, but she had to look. Lucy had to make certain that Kate was okay before she could go back to sleep.

She took one step out into the living room and then another before she finally spotted Kate. The only couch in the room was a loveseat and it would have been a tight squeeze even for Lucy to stretch out on it, much less Kate. The other woman was sprawled out in the recliner, with her feet hanging off the end of the raised section. Lucy's eyes trailed up her long legs. Somewhere along the way Kate must have gotten hot and discarded her pants, because her legs were completely bare except for a skimpy pair of panties. She still wore the loose tank top, but it was rucked up around her midriff now, her arms thrown up over her head. A soft snore told Lucy that Kate was truly sound asleep and not just faking it like Lucy had been.

There was a piece of hair hanging down in Kate's face and Lucy had the urge to go over and tuck it behind her ear. It was an urge Lucy ignored as she folded her arms over her chest and stared. She had been so close to starting something amazing with this woman. Or she thought she had. Then Kate had blown it all up and she had been forced to realize that nothing had meant what she thought it had. And if Kate had lied to her about Cara, what else had she lied to Lucy about? After all, Kate had never said she cared about Lucy. Lucy had thought it had been implied when Kate had said she was okay with other people starting to find out about them, but what if that was just Kate stringing her along to keep whatever they had going?

It was Lucy's fault really. She had been ready to dive into this thing with Kate head first; she had even been willing to deal with Kate's reticence to be seen with her. She had made the mistake of believing Kate when she told her she was embarrassed of herself, and ignored it as the red flag that it was. That had to be right, didn't it? Kate kept trying to explain, but even that didn't add up. Who just assumed they were broken up? It was the worst excuse Lucy had ever heard for having a secret girlfriend. And, okay, maybe incredibly like Whistler. Communication was clearly not her forte. Lucy didn't want to give her the benefit of the doubt right now. What she wanted was to be in her own apartment, far away from Kate. Where she could drink herself to sleep and cry into her beer without having to worry about her job or the fact that Kate might catch her crying.

Kate's proximity was killing her. It rubbed like sand against her skin, a constant irritation that wasn't going away. The worst part was it wasn't all irritation and hurt. Sometimes, it was the little things that Kate did, like switch out her most hated vegetable for one she knew Lucy tolerated. Or the way she touched Lucy and made it feel real again, like Kate had actually cared. But that was a lie Lucy knew she couldn't afford to believe. She knew she couldn't because it was what she wanted the most, just to forget and pretend it had never happened. But she would always remember Cara saying 'her girlfriend from DC' and Kate's look of frozen panic as she had rushed to the door. It had killed something inside Lucy and she wasn't sure it could be fixed again.

Lucy turned her back on Kate and took the few steps to the bedroom. Kate's back would be killing her in the morning if she stayed out there all night, but it wasn't Lucy's place to go and get her and bring her back to bed anymore.

(4/12)