Disclaimer: I do not own Calvin and Hobbes, but I do own the aliens. And I added a formerly deleted scene to the second chapter.
Calvin and Hobbes sat at the dinner table. They looked at the dancing goo his mom had mad for them. They seemed to be doing a disco dance.
"Do I have to eat this Mom?" Calvin asked desperately.
Calvin's Mom looked about to reply before the goo began singing "Burn Baby Burn".
"Of course dear." His mom answered.
"Now Calvin…" Calvin's Dad said, as Calvin sighed in disappointment and began mimicking his dad.
"Eating dancing goo is good for your character." Both said at the same time.
"Geez Calvin. This all reminds me of your uncle Max. Did I ever tell you that…?"
"Oh no! I triggered a slow death!" Calvin sobbed aloud.
Later…
At this point Hobbes, the goo, and Calvin's mom had all fallen asleep as Calvin continued to listen, counting the seconds his dad had been talking for out of boredom.
"234, 879... 234, 880… 234, 881…"
"And then there was the time in Second Grade when Max got a C- in Math and History and…" His Dad continued.
Even Later…
Calvin fondled his beard as his Dad continued to drone on and on. Hobbes and Mom had left, while the goo had stabbed themselves dead with whatever silverware they could reach.
"5, 000, 092, 191…"
"And of course I can't ever forget the time Max…" Calvin's dad droned.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" Calvin cried as he woke up in a start.
"What? What happened?" Hobbes growled sleepily.
"I bored myself awake!" Calvin sobbed. "Again."
"You woke me up because you were bored?" Hobbes complained.
"Well, if you had just shut my dad up in the dream, you wouldn't have been woken up!" Calvin replied.
"You blaming me for your bad dream?" Hobbes screamed incredulous.
"If the shoe fits…" Calvin began to bicker before being interrupted by Rosalyn's scream.
"What is she still doing here?" Calvin complained before hitting his pillow instantly.
Hobbes sighed. Calvin was out like a light. He put his head on the pillow just as an explosion of light consumed the house.
Hobbes froze. He checked to find that Calvin was still asleep. Curious, he got out of the bed and left the room. He stumbled through the hallway, down the stairs and into the living room. He looked around and noticed that the TV was unplugged.
Hobbes shrugged and plugged the TV back in. He heard the TV blare. "Next on the Twilight Zone: Evil Aliens That Suck You Into Your Own TV."
Hobbes sighed.
"What kind of human actually watches this junk?" He said as he turned off the TV.
"Ahh! And so starts another day, getting me terrifyingly close to the end of my Christmas break!" Calvin said as he woke up. "Come on Hobbes."
"Are your parents home yet? Are you going to tell them that Rosalyn ditched us?" Hobbes asked.
"Yes to both." Calvin answered
"I'm coming. But just to watch the latter!" Hobbes replied as he bounced out of bed.
Just as Calvin opened the door, the sight of Calvin's parents bowing down to them greeted them. "How may we serve you, Master?"
"Okay…." Calvin said as he slammed the door.
He turned to face Hobbes. "What the heck was that?"
"They must be going through some kind of phase." Hobbes guessed.
"Well then I'd best be taking advantage of this." Calvin laughed manically as he opened the door.
"Mom, clean my room. Dad, make us a five-course breakfast including both Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs and tuna fish. When you're done, tend to Hobbes' and my every whim!" Calvin ordered.
"Affirmative!" Both said as they ran off to do their chores.
"In the meantime, let's go outside!" Calvin laughed.
Hobbes chuckled as they exited the door to find a street full of people facing his house.
"How may we serve you, Master?" All of them roared.
Shocked, Calvin closed the door. Hobbes faced his best friend and said, "That's never happened before."
"What are the chances? An entire city is going through the same phase in the same morning? This is just perfect." Calvin smiled. He opened the door and proclaimed, "Hear me slaves. Organize yourselves into two lines." Calvin waited as the group carried out their orders. "Now, will Susie Derkins, Moe… Something, Rosalyn… Something, and… Something… Wormwood…"
"You're not very good with names are you?" Hobbes whispered.
"Shut up. Anyway, will the mentioned please break out of the line up and proceed to beat each other up into unconscious pulps."
Calvin and Hobbes gawked at the sight of Calvin's worst enemies jumping from the line and beating each other up under Calvin's command.
"Now the front line will go demolish my school as the back line takes me down town to buy me everything I want." Calvin ordered. "Mom, Dad, remember, as soon as you're done, smother Hobbes in anyway he sees fit."
Hobbes stared away as Calvin was carried away by the back line and wondered something. How did Calvin get so good at the Dictatorship stuff? Whatever! The fight between Susie, Moe, Ms. Wormwood, and Rosalyn hadn't ended yet.
Hobbes looked out the window as Calvin arrived at the driveway, followed by hundreds of slaves carrying high-tech stuff. He saw Calvin walked to the door. It was time for a little bit of appreciation for his best friend.
"I'M HOME!" Calvin roared before seeing Hobbes charge at him. "Oh crap!"
Hobbes dived into Calvin, sending the six year old falling onto the ground. Hobbes got up harmlessly and chuckled before hearing many outraged voices.
"You have harmed our Master!"
"You will die for your evil assault!"
"Execute the traitor!"
"No one hurts our ruler. We will avenge Master Calvin the Bold, Great, Genius, and Handsome."
Hobbes gawked at their murderous, glowing green eyes. " Stay back! I don't want to hurt you. I have unlimited courage and won't stop savagely protecting myself until you've all given up. I'm warning you. CALVIN, SAVE ME! I DON'T WANNA DIE!" He screamed before an army of people jumped onto a terrified Hobbes.
Calvin jumped up and ran to the dog pile on Hobbes. "Get off him!" Calvin ordered. "Everybody get off! This is an order!"
The group stopped immediately and faced Calvin. "We apologize for our mistake, master. If you should need our unlimited services, give us a holler."
Calvin ran over to find his friend missing three whiskers, and having hand marks around his neck, and teeth marks on the tail. Oh yeah, and some shoeprints on his stomach.
"Hobbes, you're okay. Good." Calvin said as he helped the tiger to his feet. "Just wait until you see what they bought me! Seriously. I've got a flame thrower, an honest to god flame thrower."
"Excuse me! Traumatized tiger here!"
"Oh come on Hobbes, they didn't hurt you that much."
"One of them bit me!"
"Okay, maybe it got a bit violent." Calvin admitted, "Anyway pal, wait 'til I show you some of the stuff they got me. I've that new PSP system, a plasma television with cable, a brand new stereo system…"
Hobbes slowly followed. Was he the only sane person left in this town?
Somewhere in Scar's ship, Lock and Palminetti watched the clones carry in the stuff Calvin had them buy for.
"Actually Mr. R. S. Lee, shouldn't we be watching the Earth Potent instead of the clones?" Palminetti asked.
Suddenly, a bolt of lightning struck Palminetti for no reason, teaching him to never again question the writer.
"Get off the floor Palminetti." Lock sneered. "I have a question."
"Ask away." Palminetti said, as he stood up dazed.
"Where did the clones get all that cash?" Lock asked.
"I gave them your credit card." Palminetti replied nonchalantly.
"WHAT?" Lock screamed.
Palminetti turned white as Lock began to tower over him, fists clenching. "Well, I owed a few of the guys some money so I couldn't give away my hard earned credits to some crazed clone servants. And you had left your wallet in the cafeteria, so… I… watched this guy steal it and give it to the clones under no goading whatsoever. I tried to battle him Zok-to-Zok, but he overpowered me, stole my left shoe, and… God, this story is lame!" Suddenly a second unexplained lightning bolt struck Palminetti. "I MEANT MY EXCUSE!"
And thus Palminetti learned to refer to the story that he insults.
"COME ON JASON GET UP!" Calvin cried to the television as he and Hobbes watched "Eddy vs. Jason" for the second time that night.
"Yeah Jason, show that freak with fork fingers what a real psycho killer can do." Hobbes cheered.
"More Tuna sandwiches, Second-in-Command Master?" Susie Derkins' clone asked.
"Calvin, will you please remind her of the Tiger Protection act of this afternoon… WOW, THAT HAD TO HURT! An act of which she is currently in violation." Hobbes answered.
Calvin sighed and turned to the Susie servant. "Act 1A of the Calvin Ruling System, all servants are to stay past strangling distance away from any tiger under the name of Hobbes. NOW THAT'S THE WAY TO HIT 'EM!"
"Or Clyde!" Hobbes added.
"Why should they stay away from some tiger named Clyde?" Calvin scorned.
"No reason, I just like that name! COME ON, THAT WAS A CHEAP SHOT!"
"Well, Master, do you want anything of my services?"
"Just stay out for fifteen-twenty minutes." Calvin ordered.
"As you wish!" "Susie" said as she ran out of the room.
Hobbes waited for a bit. "Do you think we've watched enough to be manly?"
"Yes!"
"Should we run into our room and lock all the doors and windows?"
"Couldn't hurt." Calvin answered.
Hobbes turned off the TV. "Should we
"Sure. HELP ME! I DON'T WANNA DIE!" Calvin screamed as he ran upstairs, straight into his room.
Hobbes stared for a second. "Oh that's right! Leave me to lock the doors."
On a side note, will somebody please review?