Threads
Chatper 1
The following weeks after Mr. Pevensie's make-shift funeral were strange. Each Pevensie seemed to grieve in a particular way, disconnected from the outside world and each other. But Mrs. Pevensie's way was the most worrying. There were days when she wouldn't get out of bed, she wouldn't eat, she wouldn't speak.
They all wanted to help their mother but didn't know how to. Each had their battles to fight, and helping someone without healing their wounds seemed impossible. Drowning in grief, everything was spiraling for the worst.
That was until Susan reached out to their aunt Alberta.
Aunt Alberta wrote back shortly after, inviting them all to the family home in Cambridge to spend the summer. 'It will take your mind off things,' aunt Alberta had written, "I'll take care of your mum. My husband will be traveling over to America soon. Maybe you can go with him.'
Her words seemed to be magic. They were collectively convinced about traveling to Cambridge and packed up in the blink of an eye.
Once they arrived and Aunt Alberta saw the clump of misery that was her sister, she took it as her mission to return her to normal. She gave the siblings reassurances that her mother would be the same in no time, that she had a great doctor nearby who could make her better.
Edmund wasn't sure that her mother needed a doctor to heal, but he kept silent.
Aunt Alberta nudged her husband with her elbow.
"Well dear, tell them about the trip to America," she prompted her husband. He cleared his throat.
"I've been offered a teaching position at an American university for a summer course. I had thought about taking the four of you, but, er, since, well, I know that Peter and Susan have recently graduated. Perhaps they'll make the most out of this trip and—um well, I can take you on another occasion," Uncle Harold said, looking sadly at the younger siblings.
"Oh no, father—does that mean I have to share my room?" Eustace immediately complained. Uncle Harold patted him on the shoulder.
"Be good, now."
Edmund watched his cousin roll his eyes. He sighed.
"Well, don't forget to write to us," Lucy asked their siblings, her voice sad as well.
A week later, Peter and Susan were gone. Edmund and Lucy had each other's company, but little else. They were barely beginning to settle in, and that was hard enough with Eustace's endless complaints.
The truth was there wasn't much to do around Cambridge, particularly with half of the siblings gone. They barely saw their mother and tried to avoid Eustace as much as possible. The only thing that they did constantly was going over to town to see if there were any mails from Peter and Susan. The best they could do was live vicariously through them, and wait for the mourning storm to pass.
They both were tremendously happy when the first letter arrived. Peter and Susan wrote about the wonders of America, of its beautiful weather. They wrote about the sights they saw and how they wished they were all together.
It was all pretty standard, until one day they wrote about taking root in that new life of theirs. Peter wrote about the wonderful academic world that America harbored; with their father's legacy as a University professor, he was easily admitted, no questions asked. Susan longed for that world too, but she hadn't been admitted. She told them in a letter, that she had to settle with reading Peter's notes and the books she asked him to take out of the library for her. She had begun dating one of Peter's friends, Tom, and began taking typewriting classes.
'I can be of use over here, she wrote, 'I'll be applying for the position of secretary for the university's dean. This way I'll have access to the library. I could read my guts' fill without making poor Peter carry all those books back home. Oh, how I miss the days where I could be the smartest woman in the room without any man second-guessing me.'
That was the most Susan would write about memories of Narnia. Never explicitly, and never dwelled on them too much.
Peter wrote less than Susan did. He always claimed to be so full of homework, that he seldom had time for himself. Law school was his hardest challenge yet, he wrote, having to debate with everyone and constantly having to prove his worth. 'No longer a high king', he had written.
The way they wrote was as if they were already settled there. And that only meant one thing. Uncle Harold would return, but not Peter and Susan.
Edmund was glad for them, truly. But he wondered if he could ever do the same. If he would ever be able to…well, heal. Forget.
As time passed, Edmund felt a sadness nestle within. He didn't know who could help him with all the grief inside his body. Leaving Narnia and everything within behind. Leaving the person he was. Losing his father after years of not seeing him.
He wanted to leave everything behind. He wanted to escape the prison he was in; a place where he questioned his sanity, and one where his father was dead, but without a body to mourn. He wanted to be free of the eternal liminal space he inhabited. Not quite in England, not quite in Narnia.
Susan and Peter had found a second opportunity to live their adult life. And with all the sorrow in Edmund's body, the only thing that he wanted was that, too. A second chance at life. At happiness.
Edmund wanted to slay the demons he had bred when he was a child. He wanted to transform himself, he wanted to leave the stench of death and chaos that seemed to follow him about. He wanted to find a home. He wanted to build it—and live within it and not have it taken away from them in the blink of an eye, again.
Edmund daydreamed about how that home would be, what he could do to construct it. He could work, study, become a professor like his father.
But he stopped himself. The life of a scholar had never attracted him. It had only been tempting because he could remain to dwell in his thoughts for as long as he wanted, unbothered by other people. Except, he had another final option. One where he didn't have to go to America to find his life's purpose.
Edmund could go and fight. He could help to shorten the war. He could save so many ofter people from feeling the grief that did. And the only thing he had to do was enlist.
Edmund kept it secret, but he had already made up his mind about it. He didn't want to tell anyone just yet, knowing that it was easier to ask for forgiveness rather than to ask for permission.
One afternoon, he tried sneaking out of the house. All he needed to do was to find the military post in town. He was about to be of age, surely there could be a space for him in the army, somewhere.
But before he could open the front door, he heard Aunt Alberta calling his name.
"Ed, dear? Are you going to town? Will you be a dear and take these with you?" she said, leaving no time for Edmund to reply to her.
He turned around and saw her descending the steps quickly, giving her a bunch of letters. At his confused look, she clarified what the letters were.
"They're condolences, dear. Your mother doesn't want them. Send them back." She wiggled her fingers in the air.
"Oh, and don't forget to take Eustace with you!" She climbed up the stairs before Edmund could reply to anything.
Then he heard more footsteps approaching. They were hurried squeaking shoes.
"I heard mother asked you to take me. I haven't the minimum desire to go, but she said you have to take me. I have to bring life to both of you again."
Edmund blinked a couple of times, trying to make sense of what his cousin had said. He truly tried not to pull faces at his cousin, but as days passed, he found it impossible. Particularly when he said ludicrous things.
"What?" Edmund asked, sneering a bit.
"Yes, you have to do what she says," Eustace said, matter-of-factly. He went down the stairs case and stepped on something crunchy. A letter that aunt Alberta had dropped. Eustace's eyes diverted to the floorboards.
"I'd help you pick that up, but I really shouldn't be touching anything dirty. Imagine all of the microbes on the floor, now in my hand. I can't allow that."
Edmund rolled his eyes and said nothing. He picked up the letter as Eustace went ahead of him. Eustace opened the door first and stepped outside. Edmund took a deep breath in, before joining him outside.
When he came out the door, he found Eustace desperately trying to scare away a bug circling his head. Edmund walked past him without looking, trusting that his cousin would follow behind him. Except, he heard no other footsteps but his own. He turned around and saw Eustace staring intently at him.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" Edmund asked, narrowing his eyes because of the sunlight.
"Well, I don't know where you are going. Mother gave you some letters that you have to mail back, and the post office is that way." Eustace pointed in the opposite direction to where Edmund was headed.
Edmund braced himself. He could tell that his cousin was about to start talking in those endless run-on sentences. Verbal diarrhea, Susan called it once.
Eustace grimaced at Edmund's lack of movement.
"What are you doing?! Didn't you just hear a word I just said?!"
"Yes, Eustace. Sadly, I did!" Edmund breathed and carried on in a much lower tone. "Let's just go, alright?"
"Fine, but I cannot be in the sun! I have a condition—"
"Let's take a detour in the shadow, then."
As they walked downtown, Eustace's voice rang in Edmund's ears, but he wasn't listening. They were most likely complaints about the heat or microbes, and so Edmund preferred focusing on other things. He noticed how dirt roads were exchanged for pavement, and the sound of rustling trees was swapped for loud voices as they came closer to town. Edmund was thankful for the humming of the city sounds, finally dissipating Eustace's comments.
Edmund's eyes scanned the environment as they walked. He suddenly froze when he saw an improvised military post just across the street. There was a queue, people seemed to be enlisting as well. He wanted to take a closer look, without Eustace besides him.
"You know what, Eustace? I just remembered your mother said we were out of tea. Why don't you go and buy some? I'll mail the letters."
"Wait, what? Why? I need to make sure you mail those letters, if not mother will—"
"If we don't get the tea your mother will be angrier, and I don't know what type she likes. It'll be quick."
"What? Where am I supposed to—"
Ever since Edmund knew his cousin, he knew he wasn't the most oriented person. Still, Edmund didn't wait to point him in the right direction before crossing the road.
Edmund crossed the street hurriedly, taking the sight in. Maybe he could grab one of the enlisting formats right now?
"Excuse me, lad? There's a line." Men and women both were queuing to get to a desk with a man who seemed to be a lieutenant and a nurse sitting beside him.
"Excuse me," Edmund said to the man who spoke to him before.
"Sure I'll excuse you, we're all here to serve king and country. You're welcome to do the same. But there's a line." The man seemed to be a 40 something-year-old, clutching to his form. Edmund nodded.
"D'you know where I could get one of those?" Edmund asked.
The man pointed over at the other side of the post. He walked over there. Another soldier handed him a form.
"You fill that in right now and we'll do the medical check immediately. A platoon is leaving in three weeks from this station."
Edmund nodded solemnly, and the soldier did too. Edmund turned around with the form in his hand and saw Lucy waving at him. He folded the form in four quickly and stashed it in his pocket. Lucy rushed at him.
"Hello, Ed!"
"Luce?"
"I was just about to go to the post office to collect the letters, wanna come with me?" She grabbed her brother by the arm and started striding away from the post. Edmund stayed with a befuddled look in his eyes but was too confused to ask any questions.
"Eustace is already there…" he said.
"Eustace? Great!" Lucy smiled excitedly, which only made Edmund raise an eyebrow in suspicion.
"Are you excited to see Eustace? Are you sure you're my sister?" Edmund laughed, and Lucy laughed in return.
"I am, Ed." she said, still pulling him away from the military post, "let's just get back home, shall we?" Lucy smiled nervously and Edmund watched her fidget with her hand.
She was crumbling a yellow colored paper in her hand, the same color of the form Edmund had just received. She must have been intending to join the nurse corps, too.
But he pretended not to notice. Eustace rejoined them and they walked back home, in silence for a while. Edmund waited until his cousin went inside the house. As soon as he shut the door, he turned to Lucy. He didn't want to push her to tell him, but he had to know.
"Lu—did you enlist, too?"
Lucy nodded her head yes hesitantly.
"Nurse corps," she said simply.
Edmund nodded and found himself smiling. There was no other place where he saw Lucy fit better. All the wounds she had healed in past conflicts, with and without her gift from Father Christmas. He remembered the infirmary wing she had opened at Cair Paravel—she was made for this.
"I'm so proud," he said and hugged his sister. But after they broke away, Lucy watched Edmund raise an eyebrow.
He was wondering how she had managed to apply, and Lucy knew it.
"I know I only just turned 17— " Lucy started, jumping ahead of her brother. "They didn't mind. They said I won't be able to do any procedures, but I can still help."
Edmund nodded. Lucy kept silent for a moment. She had a hunch about why had Edmund been in the military post, but she wasn't entirely sure. She had to try it.
"I'm sure they'll tell you the same, Ed. You'll be 18 in just a few weeks. And…" Lucy said but trailed off as if struggling in how to continue the conversation.
Edmund filled in the silence.
"I hope so—they've said a platoon is leaving exactly on the week of my birthday," Edmund stopped talking when he saw Lucy's expression worrying.
"The medical staff is off that week, too," she said and looked down at her feet.
"But that's good, isn't it?" Edmund questioned, "we'd be leaving together."
Lucy pulled a tight smile.
"Well, yes, but that means we won't be able to celebrate your birthday—I even asked to leave on a later date but—"
Edmund chuckled.
"Hey, Lu, don't worry. I didn't even want to celebrate my birthday anyway."
"You didn't?"
"I don't even know how old I am," he said with a grin, "18 again? Or am I turning 23?"
"Oh, Aslan, you're old," she laughed, too. Edmund pushed his sister jokingly with his elbow.
"Hey!" he laughed and side-eyed her, "you're old, too! You're only a year younger than me, remember?"
Lucy laughed a bit more and then got lost in thought. Her smile vanished and she looked up at Edmund.
"You know, sometimes…sometimes I don't feel much like a family anymore, Ed. And that scares me."
She kept silent, and Edmund tightened his lips.
The truth was, he didn't either. They were disconnected family members, drifting apart from one another with each passing day. By now, it seemed that the only thing they had in common was their last name.
"But, I've been thinking," she continued, "maybe after we come back from the tour, Pete and Su will too…and maybe we'll feel like a family again."
Edmund sighed.
"I wish for nothing else, Lu," he said and hugged her younger sister.
Edmund woke up on his birthday feeling a deep sense of calm within him. He dressed swiftly, with a growing feeling that everything was about to be okay. Lucy was leaving with the army that day. Edmund was finally about to enlist.
Before leaving the bedroom, he grabbed a picture of his father, Peter, and himself. He looked at it and smiled. Edmund didn't even remember when the picture was taken, but he looked about 8 years old, and Peter was about 10 or 11. The three of them looked so happy, held together within the picture. Who could have known that a few years later, everything would change so drastically?
"This is for you," he muttered quietly, thinking about his father as he stashed the picture in his pocket.
He walked out of the room and went into the kitchen. He was surprised when he saw his mother's silhouette. It was the first time in weeks that she'd been out of bed—and it was in that moment that Edmund noticed how foolish he'd been. He hadn't told his mother about drafting.
He cursed himself internally as he walked into the kitchen.
Helen turned the kettle on and turned halfway to look at her son.
"I made some for you, Ed." She said as she turned around fully with the warmest smile. Edmund came closer to her to kiss her on the cheek.
She touched his face and looked into his eyes. "Happy birthday, my boy." Her thumb caressed his cheek and then styled a stubborn curl that always fell on his face.
She looked...different. Happier, even. Edmund swallowed, wondering if it was wise to tell her about the army. He didn't want to shatter her happiness. But he had to tell her, and he was running out of time.
"Mum—"
"Yes, dear?"
Edmund kept silent for a second, trying to find the words.
"Lucy and I—I well," he struggled. He wasn't usually as clumsy with his manner of speaking, but he was caught completely off guard. He took a deep breath in.
"I've…been— I want to tell you something," he said.
But his mother kept the smile on her face, all-knowing as she looked at her son. She nodded and hugged him as tightly as he could.
"I know, dear," she said, as she turned her face and pecked him on the cheek again.
"You do?" he said, befuddled. He felt his mother nod as she hugged him. Edmund hugged her back, a lump growing in his throat. Somehow, he felt like it was the last time he'd hug his mother in a long time.
When his mother broke the embrace, he gave him a confused look.
"Lucy," she merely said and rubbed his arm lovingly, "she's outside, by the way. You know how much she loves watching the sunrise," she smiled. Edmund smiled alongside her—he'd forgotten when was the last time he'd seen her as happy.
"Oh!" she added, "and Peter wrote—I left his letter down in the counter by the door."
Edmund turned his head to look at the envelope.
"We'll have plenty of time to talk later," she said tenderly, "'ll leave some water on the kettle, in case you want more." She smiled at her son and left the kitchen.
Somewhat confused, but content after seeing his mother in such a state, he reached for the cup of tea. He took a sip. It tasted of honey and lime, but if he had to describe it, he would simply say it tasted like home. There was something unique about how his mother brew tea. It was the only thing he'd missed when he was at Narnia.
Still with the cup in his hand, he walked over to retrieve Peter's letter and leave the house. Lucy sat on one of the stairs that led to the small backyard. When Lucy heard her brother's footsteps, she turned around. She beamed up a smile.
"Happy birthday, Ed!" she stood up and lunged to hug him, as she did when she was about 10 years old. Half the cup of tea went flying across and landed on the floor.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said, breaking away from Edmund. He laughed.
"No worries," he said and settled the cup on the rail of the stairs. He hugged Lucy again and she rested her head on his shoulder.
"So, how does it feel to be this old?" She laughed.
Edmund laughed back. "I think my back is starting to ache…" he bent down and touched his spine with the hand in which he held the envelope.
She giggled and Edmund smiled at her. He noticed that she was already in uniform—a green jumpsuit with a white band across her right arm with a red cross.
"The color suits you," he said and Lucy grinned.
"As it will suit you, too! Green was always your color back…" she hesitated, "…back home."
"Probably came from the 'western woods' part, innit?" he chuckled. It was the most explicit comment any of them had made of Narnia in the last few days-and it felt weird. Lucy smiled but made no other comment. Instead, she turned to look at the letter in Edmund's hand.
"Oh, did Pete and Su write?"
Edmund nodded and extended the letter to her.
"Pete did, mum gave it to me."
Lucy took the letter and viewed it. Lucy sat back on the steps, and Edmund followed suit. Without saying anything more, she opened the thick envelope.
She looked quickly at all the pages and discarded some of them. She lay them on the floor. Edmund glanced at them and took some of them in his hands. They were different letters addressed to different people. There even was one for Eustace!
As Edmund examined them, Lucy handed him a paper. Edmund took it. It was Peter's handwriting. Without wasting another second, his eyes began sliding quickly across the neat calligraphy.
"Dear Ed,
I sent this letter out a while ago, I calculated it must be arriving more or less around your birthday, I hope I'm right.
Things are…quiet around here. Days seem a bit slower over in America, and honestly, I'm finding a bit of a hard time paying attention to classes again. Remember that time back in Finchley when you had to break up a fight between smelly Andrew and me? Well, guess what! I saw him the other day at this same university. Can you believe it?
The worst part was that he's still smelly and equally hideous. I have to confess that I broke his nose. Again. I no longer have you by my side to talk sense back to me…and I broke my finger with that punch. He has braces now, I had no idea that that can break your hand. The more you know…"
Edmund turned to look at Lucy and as he laughed. He saw she had a smile on her face, too.
"Oh!" she said, "There's one from Su, too!" She handed him over another paper. Edmund viewed it quickly and kept on reading Peter's.
"I hope I'm not boring you just yet—you see, I had to stay over at the infirmary wing over at uni and the strangest thing happened. It was a while before any nurse could see me, and to be honest, I was dozing off. Susan was accompanying me, ever disappointed with the fighting, but happy I knocked out the bloke. She said to be perfectly awake when the weird flashes of light started and nudged me on the shoulder. When I came to, the people in the infirmary wing started disappearing. As if they were being washed away. And then, just as quickly, the surroundings stopped looking like the infirmary wing."
Edmund had his eyes wide open when he turned to look at Lucy. She looked up from her letter at that same moment. She looked stunned.
"D'you think…I mean, are they…?" said Lucy, excitement apparent in her voice.
"Is it even possible?" Edmund asked.
Leaving both questions unanswered, both siblings went back to their letters.
"I wish I could tell you in person, Ed. But home is still there, it is.
It was the most amazing thing...except things were different. It's home—but so many things have happened in our absence, Ed. The truth is, I don't even know where to begin but… when Aslan brought us back, it wasn't exactly in Narnia. We were in Archenland, and there we met Caspian. He said to be a prince of Narnia, but he's a Telmarine. Narnia's changed, Ed. The political landscape changed, and the country we once ruled and loved is in shambles. It is crawling with Telmarines, except for Caspian, they seem to be power-hungry and vicious. Now they hold the throne, and even amongst them, the royal family is treacherous with one another.
I'll try to be quick. Prince Caspian is the son of Caspian IX, a former Telmarine king who was killed. After his death, it was his uncle Miraz who became regent. It was because of him that Caspian had to flee. But his sister, Eirene, remained within the land, but not much was known about her.
We were with Caspian, Ed, but as much as we tried to help, it all seemed to be for naught. We brought Caspian back to Narnia alongside a mercenary army, but it was the worst thing we could do.
Ed, if only you'd been there to help. There was war, and we did everything to secure the throne for him. But Ed, if only we'd listened to Eirene, united forces with her —"
Edmund blinked and the ink started to disappear. He moved the letter towards the sun, hoping for better light, but he only watched the ink completely fade away. He placed Peter's letter on the floor and grabbed Susan's.
"Dear Ed,
It wasn't a childish dream, it never was. I wish I could take back all the times I dismissed our conversations, and I hope I can still repair—" It faded too.
Edmund looked at his sister, bewildered. Lucy turned and looked at him the same way.
"It vanished," he said, reaching for the letters Lucy had discarded behind them. They were blank, too.
"I don't understand—" Lucy began to say.
A strong rush of wind silenced his sister. What had been a sunny day, turned cloudy and cold. The letters flew away, Lucy ran to get them back. The wind knocked over the remnants of Edmund's tea, sprinkling some pages with water. He turned to try and save some of them.
Another rush of wind came, making the dirt fly directly into his eyes. He covered his face with his forearm, gripping the pages in his hand.
"Edmund, what-" Lucy said through the noise but didn't finish speaking.
Edmund kept quiet until the wind stopped. His clothes stuck to his body and his hair moved about. The air was cold around him as if the winds of a storm.
He tightened his jaw until it all stopped. As suddenly as it started, it stopped. In a second, no gust of wind whistled on his ear, nor shook his curls about. He opened his eyes again and looked at his arm and the goosebumps that had erupted.
He then looked up, searching for Lucy. But he didn't see her. He no longer saw the small extent of Eustace's yard, either. He turned around and only saw a forest cover. He could have sworn he heard the faint sound of waves rolling in.
"Lucy?" he said. No answer.
Everything had disappeared. The only remaining things were the blank pages in his hand, once holding his siblings' words.
"Lucy?!" He screamed. No answer again.
He walked a little, still shouting his sister's name. Nothing.
After a while, he stopped to listen. He heard the waves rolling in nearby. He saw the pine trees, the ferns, and the moss that decorated the rocks.
He turned around again and breathed in the air.
He smiled, getting a feeling of where he was. He'd recognize the forest leading up to Cair Paravel anywhere. He'd recognize home anywhere.
Author's note: *Some scenes resemble TVODT, but the rest of the story will continue to be set within PC*