Disclaimer: I own nobody except for Xtra Hand.
As many know, there was a mountain in Hyrule. And near the summit of the famed Death Mountain, Link was lying in his tent. He had nothing else to do. He took a look at the section he kept his materials; his map had been eaten by locusts. Link sighed. That meant another visit to Tingle, the royal mapmaker. That guy was a little creepy.
Link exited into the rebel camp. There only seemed to be about thirty tents left since the last battle. Ganondorf had people brainwashed by some weird spell. They seriously outnumbered the rebels.
"Hey!" Link's son, Young Link cried as he stormed up to the hero, holding two envelopes. "Dad! Mom got a few invitations to another Smash Bros. Tournament!"
"What? I thought Ganondorf sealed away the hands." Link cried in surprise as he pulled an envelope away from his son.
Dear Young Link,
Your subscription to the following magazines "PlayGerudo", "Nude Hylian", and "Tips and Tricks" have been denied due to a lack of payment. We apologize and ask that next time we earn a twenty-dollar payment with each of the subscription forms.
Sincere apologies,
Hyrule Post Office
Link turned to glare at his perverted son who was turning as red as Mario's hat. "Err… wrong envelope Dad! Heh, heh." Young Link gulped as he pulled away the envelope and replaced it with the other.
Link sighed and read the other envelope.
Dear Link,
You have been accepted for the third annual Super Smash Bros Tournament. The rules are as same as the previous tournament except for different stages and items. You may bring only one guest. Head to the Smash Stadium in Mega City within a week's time to compete.
Sincerely
Xtra Hand
"Who is Xtra Hand?" Young Link asked as he clutched his envelope with the subscription rejects.
"I don't care. We get to spend a few weeks in a mansion instead of this crappy camp. We have a chance to win Hyrule back from Ganondorf. And not to mention that we get a vacation from Tingle! I can't wait." Link laughed.
"Well about Tingle…" Young Link gulped before being interrupted by a certain someone dancing in celebration.
"Mr. Fairy, Mr Fairy!" Tingle cried as he danced by the two. "I get to fight in Mr. Fairy's Smash Bros Tournament. Hooray!"
Link turned white. Once Tingle was safely past. He fell to the ground and screamed, "No!"
Young Link winced from a combination of the noise and the rebels staring at the scene. He looked down on his father and asked quite poorly, "By the way Dad… Can I borrow sixty bucks?"
It was just another day in the Mushroom Kingdom for Luigi. Mario had left to see Peach and his son. Daisy was off doing who knows what. And Luigi had absolutely nothing to do Exasperated, Luigi went to his doorstep to find a sack full of letters. A note was pinned to the sack. Luigi grabbed the note and read it.
Dear Luigi,
I ran out of room in your mailbox. It must be awesome to get so much fan mail.
Sincerely
Toad
Luigi sighed as began sorting them. "Bill, Mario, Mario, Mario, Dorky Green Guy," Luigi threw the Dorky Green Guy letter away. There was no need to read that. "Mario, Mario, bill, bill, Mario… Jackpot!" Luigi said as he found a letter addressed to him.
You suck Luigi! Mario All the way!
Sincerely,
A pure blooded Mario fan who wants Luigi dead
Yes, the the same one who you ratted on for mailing the Bullit Bill.
Luigi found a picture with the letter showing a cut out of his head impaled by a bloody knife. Without saying a word, he pulled out of piece of paper and wrote,
Dear Toad,
I thought this guy still had three years left in the joint.
Sincerely
Luigi
Luigi sighed. He hated this. Why did he have to be the understudy? He could do everything Mario could. Why wasn't their name the Luigi Bros or the… the... Whatever-their-last-name-is Bros?
"Hi-a Luigi!" Mario cried as he entered the house. "I-a just needed to get-a something from a-here. Baby Mario and Peach are a-just outside!"
"Mario! Can you sort the mail when you get back? Most of these are for you." Luigi cried. "And what is our last name?"
Mario froze. "Well, yes I-a can a-sort the mail. And as-a for our-a last name, it's... it's Mario, okay. Mario and Luigi Mario!"
Their last name was Mario? Even his name was against him. Luigi thought.
"Let's not tell the girls about our surname. At least not 'til the priests announce it." Luigi said. He turned to the sack and saw something on one of the stamps that made him freeze in shock. The Smash Bros enigma!
"Agreed!" Mario answered as he went upstairs to his room to get whatever he'd forgotten.
"Mario! We got an invitation for the Smash Bros Tournament!" Luigi cried.
Mario came running straight down the stairs. He pushed Luigi aside and grabbed the letter.
"Peach! Bring-a Baby Mario and a-come and see this!" Mario shouted to his girlfriend. He quieted down as he saw Luigi wincing on the ground. "Sorry Luigi!"
"It's okay…" Luigi said before Peach ran in and stepped on his head. "Ouch! OUCH! GIT OFF!"
"Oops! Sorry Luigi!" Peach apologized as she stepped off. "What are you doing down there?"
"Getting stepped on." Luigi replied. "Could you help me up?"
"Sure!" Peach said before yelling "TOAD, COME HELP LUIGI UP!"
Luigi groaned as Toad came in and pulled the green plumber up. Then, he picked a sleeping Baby Mario out of Peach's hands as she grabbed the letter.
"Aw shucks! The Third Smash Bros. Tournament! I already got the letter! Me, Daisy and my kids were all invited." Peach said after reading the letter.
"Ahem!" Toad reminded the princess.
"And that Toad over there was invited too." Peach said.
Toad backed a little bit and stuttered "You better not of sent that invitation just to use me as a shield again."
Peach looked horrified. "Don't you trust me Toad?"
As a reply, Toad put Baby Mario on the couch and slowly began walking away from the scene.
"What do you-a mean "kids"?" Mario questioned. "We-a only a-have one kid."
Peach turned away from Mario as Toad and Luigi chuckled. Just as Mario had finally forgotten, the subject was back in their lives.
"Who's the father of your other kid you self-absorbed whore?" Mario demanded.
Luigi continued to laugh at Peach's refusal to answer, at least until Mario began steaming. He decided he'd best spill the beans. "Remember your vacation to Isle Delfino?"
"Yeah, Peach was a-kidnapped by-a Bowser and his son…" Mario recalled. "Wait a second… I had-a forgotten about the little runt."
"Fine! Bowser Junior was invited!" Peach said as she began to leave. "Come Toad! I need to pack my weapons!"
"What do you mean "pack my weapons"?" Toad asked suspiciously as he followed after the princess. "I am not your shield again am I? Because if I am, we toads will go on strike. After a week of washing your own hair, cooking your own meals, and calling your own mother, you'll be begging us to return." Toad watched Peach begin disappearing from sight. "Come back!" He cried as he rushed after her.
Steaming mad, Mario stormed to the front door and began screaming.
"HOW COULD YOU-A SLEEP WITH-A BOWSER? WHY DIDN'T YOU-A TELL ME THAT YOU-A GAVE BIRTH TO HIS-A SON?" Mario screamed despite Peach being long gone.
Luigi picked up a stirring Baby Mario. "Someday you'll be just like your mommy and daddy! Yes, you will, yes, you will! And I'll be out of your life. Yes, I will, yes, I will."
Luigi chuckled, despite the serious thoughts in his head. If he could win this tournament, he would finally lose the undeserved title of Eternal Understudy. His wish would simply be to no longer have to suffer the ridicule of being Mario's shadow. He would win.
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