Second Chances

by Peetabreaddd

FULLY UPDATED! What happens when Katniss can't live without Peeta anymore after they won the war? Feeling lonely, Katniss does something tragic to make it all stop, but is given a second chance to make everything right. STORY HAS BEEN COMPLETELY REDONE

5. Chapter 5

"So, we're in agreement. Nothing will change?" Haymitch asked. Gale let out a frustrated sigh.

"Nothing will change. I'll make sure to go hunting with her every Sunday. And when you tell me to, I'll kiss her so Snow will see it." Gale said, shaking his head.

"I understand how you feel-"

"No Haymitch, you have NO idea how I feel," Gale said angrily.

"Actually, you're right. You at least have your family to protect. All I have is Katniss and Peeta. My whole family was murdered by Snow because I made the Capitol look stupid and I wouldn't sleep around with the Capitol's sex addicts. Because I made a mistake and underestimated the Capitol. I lost everyone I loved, including a girl. So, I guess you're right. I don't know how it feels to have my mother and younger siblings with me. Or to at least let the girl that I love go because she loves someone else. No, I just had to watch all mine die," Haymitch said. Gale didn't say anything.

"I understand that it sucks. It royally sucks, and no one is disputing that. I'm not minimizing what you feel, because I get it. But everyone has to sacrifice something here," Haymitch said. Gale snorted. "They're sacrificing seeing each other for six months. And you know they've sacrificed more than staying away for six months. Especially her. All in the name of freedom," Haymitch said.

"And then they get everything they ever wanted once that six months is up, right? Then what happens to me?" Gale asked.

"You're not done in six months. We still need you even after that. And you're an intricate part of the rebellion once we all get to 13. You did amazing things while we were there. And you're forgetting that I know what you did once you moved to District 2. How important you were to the rebuilding of District 12 and all the other Districts. I was paying attention; even if she wasn't," Haymitch said. Gale gulped.

"How bad was she really when she came home?" Gale asked quietly. Haymitch scrubbed his face.

"That is something she'll have to tell you. But know this, it is because she got so bad, that we got this second chance. She's not mentally ok. She's struggling worse than anyone in Panem. She needs all of us. There's nothing I can do until I get her to 13 for some help. Some real help this time," Haymitch said. Gale looked down.

"We only got this second chance because she hit rock bottom. It's all because of her. She's the reason. So, I do understand how hard this is for you. Just take it one day at a time. We do need you Hawthorne," Haymitch said, and turned back to his house.

It had been a week. A whole week. Katniss stayed in the house. Not even daring to look out the window in case she saw Peeta. She looked in the mirror once and couldn't believe the horror show she saw. She had just been so pretty, with her perfect skin, full rosy cheeks, plucked eyebrows. Now she was pale, thin and had big dark circles under her eyes.

She was barely eating or sleeping. Sleeping brought on the nightmares. She at least did take showers every day. Prim would remind her, and she'd do it for her. It seemed surreal to have her back. She would sit and let Prim brush her hair. She knew Prim loved doing that. She would sit at the table to eat, but never had much of an appetite. She did all these things for them. Because they were here, and they loved her.

She was trying to keep her promise to Peeta. To lean on them. But it had been seven days. Seven very long days. Just one week. She was supposed to do this for six months? She was startled when the doorbell rang. But she didn't care to answer the door.

"Come on in," Prim said. Gale walked in. Katniss hadn't seen him since he left with Haymitch.

"What are you doing here?" Katniss asked.

"Well, it's Sunday. I just started in the mines, and I only have Sunday's off. So, we can go hunting together," Gale said, sitting on the couch, staring at her worriedly. Katniss shook her head.

"I don't want to," she said. Gale passed her a piece of paper and she looked down.

Get your ass up and out of that house. Do everything like before. Go hunting. The cameras will catch you leaving with Gale. Get up and go! Remember what you're fighting for!

It was from Haymitch. She crumbled the piece of paper and threw it on the floor. She threw the blanket off and went upstairs. Prim had brought their dad's hunting jacket and boots over. She had left them before in their old house in the Seam, but Katniss asked for them this time. It was better to just show them up front what she was doing. Why hide it? But she couldn't bring herself to go hunting. She had changed and walked down the stairs.

"We'll see you both later," Emily called out to them. Katniss nodded, and Gale led the way. Katniss was too afraid to look up at Peeta's house. So afraid she'd see him. They didn't speak all the way to the fence. They crawled through and walked to where Katniss' bow was hidden. She didn't take it though, she just sat down.

"I don't know what use I'll be. I'm too tired," she grumbled out. Gale sat down on the ground. "What you're not gonna fight with me?" she asked. Surprised.

"Do you want me to fight with you?" he asked her.

"No particularly," she said. They sat in silence for a moment. Awkward silence. "Why aren't you fighting with me?" she asked suspiciously.

"Well, I think that's where a lot of our problems are between you and me. I think I pushed you too hard. You needed a friend. That's all I ever was to you, and I pushed for something more, and I ruined our friendship. It used to be easy between us," he said. Katniss nodded. "I want to go back to that if we can," Gale said. Katniss nodded.

"I'd like that," she told him.

"Then we'll just take it one day at a time...or at least one Sunday at a time. I want my freedom. I liked District 2. I loved the freedom that I had there. I loved knowing that Rory, Vick and Posy would never see a Reaping. That they wouldn't starve again. And I've had a lot of time to think about that," Gale said. Katniss let out a chuckle.

"I'm glad at least someone has had time to think about things. I came back and was pushed right back into the Games, and then sent home. I've had a week and I still haven't had a chance to process anything. I'm still stuck in the arena and in the war," she said bitterly.

"What happened?" he asked. Katniss looked at him, raising her eyebrow. "What happened? Why did we come back?" he asked. Katniss looked away.

"How did we get back? And what happened to you when you got home?" Gale asked. Katniss wouldn't look at him. "I called once. Hoping you'd answer. But Sae answered. We were talking for a minute, and I could tell she wanted to tell me something, but just couldn't do it. And then I heard Haymitch yelling at you in the background. Screaming at you to eat something," he said.

Katniss closed her eyes and tried to remember that day. He was getting angry at her, trying to get her to eat. She never remembered the phone ringing.

"I just didn't feel like eating," she said. They sat there for a while, not saying anything Gale stood up after a while.

"I have to go check the snare lines. Do you want to come with me, or just sit there?" Gale asked.

"Sitting here is just fine," she told him wearily. He stared down at her. Then walked away. She would wait for him. They had to walk back together anyways.

She sat down on the ground and leaned against the log. She didn't mean to, but she started dozing off. A week of sleeping a little at a time will do that to you. She saw fires in her dreams. Fires taking Prim away from her. Katniss jerked herself awake and looked around wildly. She was back in the arena. Oh God! How did she get back here? Why would her father send her back for a third time?

"No, no, no, no, no. How could you make me come back here?" she begged, falling to the ground, covering her face. "Please no just kill me. Don't make me do this again," she cried.

"Katniss?" she heard her name being called. She looked around and couldn't find her bow. Where did her bow go? "Katniss what's wrong?" the voice asked. She searched around frantically for her bow. It was in Glimmer's hands. She tried to pry them loose, but her swollen fingers wouldn't budge.

"Katniss stop it it's me," the male voice said. No Glimmer was a girl. "Katniss please stop. Get a grip on yourself," he told her, shaking her. How could Glimmer shake her? She was dead.

"Katniss. KATNISS!" Gale yelled. He was bent down there in front of her. Katniss looked around. But she was in the arena. Wasn't she?

"Katniss please stop it. You're in the woods. You're home Katniss," Gale told her. She looked around. This was where she kept her bow and arrows hidden.

"What happened?" she asked, hoarse.

"I've been gone for a few hours. I came back after I checked the snare line, and you were asleep. So, I took your bow and hunted a little. I heard you crying for Prim," he said. He helped her stand up was holding her up and she knew that. If he let go of her arms, she would fall to her knees.

"Let's just get you home," he said, helping her sit on the log. He secured her bow and arrows and helped her stand. "I think you need to go home and get some sleep," he said, but she shook her head.

"Sleep is what does this. These nightmares won't leave me alone. They're worse than ever before," she admitted. They walked the short distance to the fence.

"I need you to stand on your own. There's a camera up ahead. Can you do that?" he asked. She nodded and he let her go, walking in front of him. She crawled through the fence with him behind her.

"Do you want to go to the Hob?" he asked. She shook her head. "Alright. I'll go do some trading. I'll be back next Sunday," he told her. She nodded and started walking back to her house.

She would yell at Haymitch for this. She didn't want to spend the day with Gale. She wanted to see Peeta. Had it seriously only been seven days? She thought this was her second chance. Ignoring him for six months was not a second chance.

She slowly walked back to the Victor's Village, and never paid attention. She never lifted her foot where there was a crack and fell to the ground. She scraped her face along the cement. She just laid there. Is this what her life was gonna be now? Falling and not being able to pull herself up? It was already like that. She came back here, and she was just prolonging the inevitable.

She may have Prim back, and her mother. But she knew it was happening all over again. She could feel it. This is how it started when Haymitch brought her back from 13. Day by day, her mind left this world, and shut down. Her father said that it would have happened to her anyway. They would prolong it, but then once Peeta came back, and still wasn't himself, the guilt would take her away. She could just lay here and die, and she wouldn't even care.

She felt small hands on her shoulders. She looked up and saw her little golden-haired angel. Her precious sister. Prim looked down at her sadly.

"Come on Katniss. Let me help you clean up," Prim said sadly. She let Prim help her up and looked down at the cement. She knew where this crack was. All she had to do was look up, and she'd be in front of Peeta's house. She could see inside his window. Maybe he was there. Maybe she could see him. Prim held on tight and led her away.

"Come on Katniss," she said sweetly. Her golden angel. The perfect child. How could anyone want to harm her? Prim led Katniss into the house, and into the kitchen, and sat her on a chair. She heard her mother gasp.

"What happened?" her mother asked. Katniss didn't know why she was freaking out. She felt something on her head. Her mother was holding something to her head. "What happened Katniss?" she asked again. Katniss couldn't form the words though.

"She fell. She wasn't paying attention and tripped on that crack," Prim said, and started washing Katniss' hands. She didn't understand what the big deal was. So, she fell. Who cared? Just let her lay there. She wished they would just stop touching her and let her go up to bed and lay there, staring at the wall.

"Katniss can you hear me?" her mother asked. Of course, she could hear her. She wasn't deaf.

"Gale came by with some berries he picked. He meant to send them back with Katniss. He's the one who told me she should have been back before him. He said she fell asleep and had a nightmare," Prim told her mother.

"She hasn't slept in a week. Katniss can you hear me? Look at my finger and follow it," her mother said. Follow her finger? She would do no such thing. And what was Gale doing at her house again? She looked at her mother and followed her finger.

"That's good sweetie. You just hit you head. It will be just fine. Prim can do stitches. You may just need 5 or 6," she heard her mother say. Prim and her mother went to work. She looked over and saw a towel on the table with blood all over it. Was that her blood? She touched her forehead, but Prim grabbed it.

"Don't do that. Your hands are filthy. I'll clean it," Prim said. Katniss looked around. She was in her house again. Right?

"Katniss it's ok. You're safe now. I'm right here," Prim said. Katniss suddenly grabbed her hand tightly. "Katniss?" she asked.

"Don't tell Peeta what's wrong with me," Katniss said. She promised him she wouldn't do this. She wouldn't fall into that black hole.

"Katniss please. You just need some sleep-" but she stopped her, gripping her hand harder.

"Please Prim. He can't know. I promised him," she whispered. She looked around. She wondered where the microphones were. She looked back at Prim.

"Promise me. Don't you tell him. Or Haymitch," she whispered, begging her sister. Prim nodded her head. She let go of her hand and let Prim finish cleaning her up. Her mother brought her a bowl of mashed up berries.

"Come on you need to eat something," her mother said. She picked up a spoon and brought it to her mouth. Mashed up berries? It smells like syrup. Like sleeping syrup. She screamed and hurled the bowl at the wall, standing up.

"THAT'S LACED WITH SLEEPING SYRUP!" Katniss screamed. Her mother held her arms out in front of her.

"Please honey you need to sleep-"

"I'M NOT TAKING THAT!" Katniss yelled. Prim was frozen in the corner.

"Katniss I'm sorry. You need sleep. Some real sleep," her mother tried to reason with her. Katniss shook her head.

"That will just keep me stuck there," Katniss said, huffing, looking around. She was in her kitchen, and Prim was there. Prim was there. Prim was alive. She covered her face with her hands.

"Oh God. I'm going crazy," she said as she started to cry as she slid down the floor. She felt her little sisters' arms go around her.

"It's ok Katniss. You're going to be ok," Prim whispered to her. But Katniss shook her head.

"No, I won't. I can't do this anymore," She cried. She felt her mother's arms go around her as she sobbed loudly. Prim and her mother didn't know what to say. What could they say? She had been through three arenas and a war. And there were microphones listening to everything she said.

"We'll get you through this Katniss. I promise," her mother said. Katniss shook her head again and shoved herself to her feet. She ran to the other side of the kitchen and turned to see Prim and her mother standing to their feet.

"Don't you dare slip me sleeping syrup. It doesn't make the nightmares go away. It keeps me in there. It keeps me stuck there with no way out," Katniss cried. Her mother held her hands up in front of her.

"Alright I won't give you any Katniss. I'm sorry," her mother said. She stepped closer to her. "But you need to eat something. Prim can draw you a bath and it will help you relax," she said.

Prim nodded her head and held her hand out for Katniss to take it. Prim led her up the stairs and into her bathroom. Prim had started filling the bath tub up with hot water. Pouring in the bubble bath and the scents that Katniss liked. She stepped out of the bathroom and waited for Katniss. After a few minutes, Katniss undressed and got into the tub. Prim came back in shortly after that. She turned the water off and sat on the edge of the tub. Katniss pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them.

"It's ok to let me take care of you sometimes you know," Prim said. Katniss looked up at her.

"You've been taking care of me for so long. And I'm older now. I can handle things. You don't always have to put on a brave face for me. I've seen what you've gone through. I hear your screams at night. You can lean on me sometimes. Especially when you need someone," Prim told her. Prim mouthed Peeta's name, and Katniss covered her face.

"I don't understand why this has happened to me. I never used to be so out of control," she whispered. Prim leaned down on the floor, and she grabbed Katniss' hand. Katniss looked up at her.

"I did something horrible. It's how we got here," Katniss whispered. She knew Prim knew what she meant. She wasn't talking about the Games. She was talking about her taking her own life, and her father giving her a second chance. Prim still didn't know that Katniss had killed herself though.

"It's happening again to me," Katniss whispered. Prim shook her head.

"I don't know exactly what happened Katniss, but whatever it was, it won't happen again. Because I'm here. And I'll take care of you. And you have so many people who love you that will help you," Prim said, standing up and running out of the room. She came back in a moment later with a pad of paper and a pen.

"Me and mom will help you. And our cousins Katniss. Aunt Hazelle and our cousins love you dearly," she said. She wrote something on a piece of paper and showed it to her.

Peeta is just next door. And he loves you!

Katniss felt tears in her eyes. "And Haymitch," Prim said. Katniss snorted. "He brought you home safe and sound," Prim said. She wrote something else and turned it around.

Rue loves you and is safe and alive in District 13. You'll see her again.

Katniss nodded her head sadly. "And you and Madge are friends," Prim said. She wrote again and turned it around.

Finnick adores you. He's so kind and funny and loves you like a sister. He's alive and well. And will stay alive. He, Johanna, and Annie are a part of your family, and love you.

Finnick! She missed him so much. "And what about Cinna. Anytime you need him you can call him. You adore each other," Prim said, showing her the paper.

We'll keep him safe to. Cinna will make you a real wedding dress one day.

Katniss shook her head. She leaned forward and grabbed her hand again. "I'm here Katniss. Just lean on me when you get scared and tired of everything. I'll be right here for you," Prim said. Katniss cried and leaned forward hugging her sister.

"I love you so much Prim," she said.

There was a knock at the door, and Emily walked to get it. It was Haymitch. He looked behind her.

"She's upstairs taking a bath," Emily said softly. Haymitch nodded and turned his head. Peeta came around the corner. Emily could see the dark circles under his eyes. He hadn't been sleeping either.

"I saw her fall. Is she alright?" Peeta asked.

"The boy came over and got me. Wanted me to ask. But since she's not around, shouldn't be a big deal. The kitchen mics are off," Haymitch said. Katniss' mother nodded and breathed a sigh of relief. Peeta knew they had to be quiet, so the other mics didn't pick up their voices.

"She hasn't slept. She's barely eating. Only when Prim really makes her. She's not doing well at all. She made Prim promise we wouldn't tell you. She was trying to whisper, but she had no idea how loud her voice was," Emily said to Peeta. Peeta scrubbed his face.

"You need to watch Katniss very closely. You and Prim both. She's not the same person who came back from the Games the first time around. She wasn't even the same person that was in 13. When I brought her back..." Haymitch trailed off.

"It happened to me. When their father died." Emily said, looking up towards the stairs. "I was very depressed, and I couldn't do anything but stare at the wall all day. It's worse for her. I know that. I feel like she's a danger to herself," Emily whispered. She looked at Peeta and Haymitch, waiting for them to dispute that statement. But by their silence, it was all she needed to know that Katniss was in fact a danger to herself.

"Please just watch her Mrs. Everdeen," Peeta pleaded. He was so scared for her. He wanted to run up there and hold her.

This week had been torture for him. He needed things to keep him busy. He didn't have anything from Effie yet, so he couldn't paint or anything. So, he would get up early and spend his whole day at the bakery. He didn't like to go up front where the customers were. He liked to stay in the back, baking, kneading the dough. Hitting his frustration out on the defenseless dough. He liked being back there with his brothers and father. His family.

He wanted to make things right with them. He had taken them for granted. He wanted to cherish the moments that they had together. He didn't want these moments to be only memories that he dreamed about, trying to hold onto. He would stay late and clean up the bakery, making it shine. Just to avoid his house. He tried walking into his old room to sleep, but his mother wouldn't let him. She didn't need another mouth to feed, she didn't need to put a roof over his head anymore. She kicked him out.

He would toss and turn all night, trying to avoid sleep, but knew it had to come. He had to sleep. No person could avoid it. But his shiny memories of Katniss being a mutt would come back. Her killing his family. Her killing herself. Swimming in a pool of her blood.

His father had sent him home today because he was drifting off. He was walking up the stairs when something made him turn his head. He saw Katniss coming up the path to the Victor's Village. It was the first time he saw her since they came home. She looked dazed. He jumped into his house, closing the door, but looked out the window. Maybe they could wave to each other or something. But she had tripped and fallen.

He wanted to go to her. To help her up. But he knew he couldn't do that. So, he waited. He waited for her to pick herself up and walk away. But she didn't. She just laid there. And as he watched her just lay there, memories of her laying in his arms, in a pool of her own blood, dead, came rushing back to him.

He picked up his phone. They were listening and had to be careful. Prim answered.

"Um…hi Prim. It's Peeta,"

"Hey. How are you?" she pretended to ask awkwardly.

"I'm ok. But your sister fell. She needs your help," he said and hung up. He went back to the window to watch.

Prim ran out and helped her, and he waited till they went inside to run to Haymitch's house. He grabbed a pen and paper and barged into his house. He at least was awake. Haymitch wanted to ask him what was wrong, but he just wrote down what had happened. He pushed a button on his watch, and they waited for the mics to turn off. Only one would be down. They stole their opportunity to talk to them. They waited till they didn't see Katniss in the kitchen anymore before knocking. Katniss was falling into her own world of darkness. How long were he and Haymitch just going to sit by and watch?

Another week went by. Katniss still never left the house. Only on Haymitch's orders, through Gale of course, did she leave to go hunting on Sunday. She still wouldn't look up at Peeta's house. She felt so guilty for leaving with Gale. They made it through the fence, and she sat down on the log again.

"I bet if you tried to go hunting, you'd feel better," Gale said.

"I doubt it," Katniss grumbled. She heard him let out a sigh.

"Have you tried sleeping?" he asked. She snorted and looked up at him.

"Are you kidding me? That's where I face all my nightmares. No thank you," she said.

"So, you're just going to lay in your bed for six months till you can see Peeta again?" he demanded.

"You have no idea what it's like Gale. You haven't killed people. You haven't been through three arenas, killing kids to survive. You have no idea what I see when I sleep. You have no idea what it takes just to get up," Katniss said, starting to get worked up.

"I was in that war with you Katniss. I have killed people. You don't think I see them either?" he demanded. Katniss had been so out of it that she totally forgot that Gale had been through the war with her.

"What happened to you not wanting to fight with me?" she asked. He just shook his head.

"It's hard not to when I see you like this. You've barely eaten a thing. You don't sleep. You just mope around in your house all day because you can't talk to Peeta for six months. It's hard to just sit by and watch you selfishly lay there," he said. Katniss' eyes widened and her mouth fell open.

"You're calling me selfish?" she demanded, standing up to try and face him, but her body was weak, and she had to sit back down.

"Look at you, you can't even stand up. What the hell happened to you? What happened to you in five months that turned you into this?" he asked, waving his hand at her.

"MY SISTER WAS MURDERED!" She screamed. Gale remained silent.

"Do you have any idea knowing what it's like, to get 23 people sentenced to death in the arena? Knowing that all I had to do was make Snow believe I was in love with Peeta, and he would leave me alone? Knowing that 23 people were being sentenced to the arena, AGAIN, when they were promised, they wouldn't have to go back in? Do you know what it's like to have someone ripped away, and hijacked? Because I do. Everything was my fault. I have blood all over my hands. Everyone's death was my own fault. So, don't tell me I'm selfishly just lying there. I can't think straight. I can't wake up. I can't move on. I'm just stuck, right here," Katniss cried. She put her face in her hands.

"I don't understand what's wrong with me," she admitted. He sat down next to her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Is it like how your mom was?" he asked softly. She nodded her head.

"Only a million times worse," she whispered. That was something that Gale had understood. She had confided in him a long time ago what her mother had done. But they never continued to talk about it.

"I need your help Katniss," he admitted to her. She looked up at him. Gale had never admitted he needed help. They were the same like that. So, she was surprised. He cleared his throat and looked down at his hands.

"I can't come out here and check the snare lines every day," he said. He waited a moment before he continued. "I can't eat what's on the lines now, it's been there too long. I need you to come out and check it, like you did before," he said. Katniss thought about what he was saying.

"And I need you to bring it to my mother," he told her. She looked straight ahead. She was being selfish. They were a team. Even when he was in the mines, she still hunted for his family. They had probably been starving these past two weeks because of her. She put her hand to her mouth.

"I'm so sorry Gale," she said. She had been in such a stupor, that she forgot he needed her.

"Your mom brought over some food. We didn't starve. But I don't like your mother doing that. So, if you could just check them out. Maybe bring Rory with you. He really wants to learn to hunt. But I don't want him out here by himself. Never. Only with you. But he could help you," Gale said. Katniss nodded her head.

"Thank you," he told her. He stood up and grabbed her bow. He held it out for her. She looked at it and shook her head. He closed his eyes.

"I'm just really tired Gale. I'm not up for doing a lot of walking," she told him. He nodded his head. "But I'll try and get some sleep tonight. I'll come out tomorrow," she promised him.

"And you'll bring Rory?" he asked her. She nodded her had. He walked away and went to hunt. She knew he'd be gone a couple of hours. Maybe she should try and get some sleep out here? But then she remembered what happened last week. She woke up thinking she was back in the arena. Thinking she was back in the Hunger Games. So, she just sat there.

How could she have been so selfish? Gale did need her. But she knew it wasn't just Gale that needed her. A lot of people needed her. She needed to get these six months right. She needed to do better. Gale had come back quicker then she thought. He had a few rabbits and squirrels. He gave her back her bow.

"Not a clean shot like you, but it'll be fine," he said. She nodded and walked back with him. "Gonna go to the Hob this time?" he asked. She shook her head.

"I will next time," she promised. He nodded his head. "I'll try more ok," she said. She looked over and he smiled, nodding his head.

They separated at the fence, and she walked back home. She made sure to watch where she was walking this time. Making sure not to look up towards Peeta's house. She was about to open her door when she heard a whistle. She looked up and saw Haymitch sitting on his porch.

"Well look what the cat dragged in. Haven't seen much of you sweetheart." he said. She walked over and sat next to him on the porch. He hadn't showered in days, and he smelled like alcohol and sweat.

"How is he?" she whispered. Haymitch knew what she meant. He nodded his head. She looked straight ahead.

"Can I tell him the same thing?" he asked. She just shook her head.

"I'm trying," she told him. He patted her knee. She got up and walked back to her house.

She had tried to sleep that night. She usually fought off sleep, but she purposely laid down. When she woke up from a terrifying nightmare, she looked at the clock. Six hours. She had slept six hours. She fell back against the pillow. Six straight hours of sleep was an improvement. She nodded off for a few hours, before officially getting up. Her mother was already down in the kitchen. She was a bit startled to see Katniss.

"What are you doing up so early?" she asked. She pulled the chair out for her to sit down.

"I was going to go hunting," she told her. Her mother smiled and started making her something to eat. "What about you?" she asked.

"One of the younger parents from the Seam came by about an hour ago. Their son has been crying all night. I went over and looked. He was just teething. And hungry," she said. Katniss gulped. It was so sad to hear of families starving. She had been lucky, she had food on her table, and never had to worry again. She gave Katniss eggs and toast.

"Should I make you something for lunch to take with you?" she asked. Katniss looked up and smiled.

"Thanks," Katniss said. She didn't know if she'd need it. She didn't know how long she'd stay out there. At least an hour with Rory. Gale made her promise to take him. She could at least teach him the snare lines and have something for him to take back to Hazelle. She walked over to get him, and he was so excited to see her.

"Can I really go?" Rory asked his mother. She had just woken up herself.

"Of course. But be back in time for school," she said, kissing his head. The snare line in an hour was perfect. They walked under the fence before Rory started talking.

"I didn't think you'd really take me. My mom mentioned something last year that you would, but I'm surprised you're doing it this time," Rory said. Katniss nodded.

"I wanted you to at least help if I...wait. How did you know that I told Hazelle that?" she asked. Rory tilted his head.

"Was it a secret?" he asked. Katniss shook her head.

"No, it's not a secret. But...do you remember?" she asked. He nodded his head. "When did you remember?" she asked.

"When you left for the Games. Gale and my mom remember to. Vick and Posy don't though," he said. Katniss was surprised by this. They kept walking.

"Probably better that Posy doesn't. She's too young. She might say something to the wrong person," he told her. Katniss nodded. They walked fast through all the snares. Only finding one rabbit. But it was enough. She walked back with Rory to the Seam. Walking the snare line was harder than she thought. Was it ok just to take it a step at a time? Just do the snare lines today. Maybe tomorrow she'd try and shoot a squirrel.

"How's Prim?" Rory asked. Prim and Rory were the same age.

"She's very strong," she said. Rory smiled up at her. He was so excited to bring in the rabbit to his mother. She didn't stay long but walked back to her house. Never daring to look up at Peeta's house. She came in, and Prim was just about to leave for school.

"You came back?" she asked, happy. Katniss nodded her head. Prim hugged her. "I'm proud of you," she said. She leaned up and kissed Katniss' cheek, and went to school. She went back up to her room and laid down on the bed. How could Prim be proud of her? She had let her little sister die.

A whole month had passed. Katniss had tried to do more with hunting. She woke up every morning to take Rory through the snare lines. Bringing home more and more food. She would shoot anything she saw. She'd then go to the Hob and buy her things. She'd be out longer on Sundays with Gale. It was the third Sunday that they went out, that was starting to worry Katniss.

Haymitch had written her a note that Gale delivered. She knew something was wrong by the look on his face. He wanted her to let Gale kiss her at the fence, so the cameras caught it. She instantly got tears in her eyes and went to protest when Gale just shook his head. Haymitch let her know that Peeta knew about this. And wasn't going to be angry with her. If a simple kiss would set things in motion for their freedom, Peeta was all for it.

So, then they took a deep breath, and walked out from the woods. They walked out closely together, and Gale turned around and kissed her. Katniss just closed her eyes, and kept saying, remember what I'm fighting for. Remember what I'm fighting for. She pretended to be stunned as he left her standing there. She touched her lips, and then shook herself awake almost. And walked away.

She couldn't sleep that night. She started having trouble again after that. Her sleep deprivation had been catching up to her again that last week. Gale thought he was going to have to carry her home the next Sunday. She had been trying to make sure Prim didn't have to remind her to take care of herself. Try not to have Prim tell her to take a bath or eat. But with a week with no sleep, she was starting to feel delirious again.

She had just woken up from a nightmare. Snow was in District 12, and he was hunting Peeta. She woke up and looked around the room. Snow was coming to her house. She just knew it. She ran down the stairs and grabbed a big sharp butcher's knife. The kind Haymitch slept with. She ran back up the stairs.

She vaguely heard her name being called and tripped on the stairs, hitting her head on the railing, but didn't stop. She ran up the stairs, slamming her door shut and crawled onto her bed, sitting in the corner. Snow was coming for her. She knew it. And she was ready. She'd kill him with her knife. She was strong enough. She could do it.

"Katniss?" she heard her name being called. It wasn't Snow.

"Go away. Go hide so he can't find you," she said.

"PRIM!" she heard her mother call. Prim came running into the room and saw Katniss.

"Katniss what are you doing?" Prim asked, walking forward. "Katniss let me have the knife," she said. Katniss waved the knife in front of her.

"NO! HE'S COMING AFTER ME!" Katniss screamed. Prim jumped back, and her mother pulled her back.

"Go get Haymitch," her mother said. Prim nodded and ran down the stairs, grabbing a pen and paper. She went running over to Haymitch's house and found him asleep at the table. He was holding his knife to. What was she supposed to do now? She looked around for a cup and filed it with cold water. She went over, splashed it in his face and ran away from him. He yelled and waved the knife around.

"HAYMITCH!" Prim screamed. It took him a minute to collect himself.

"What did you do? You poured water on me?" he demanded. She nodded her head. "What's wrong?" he asked. She wrote on a piece of paper.

She's really bad. She's waving a knife around and thinks someone's coming to get her.

Haymitch nodded and hit a button on his watch. He held up his finger for her to wait. After a minute it vibrated.

"Mics have been off since she started blathering about Snow coming to get her. Go get Peeta," he told her, running out of the house. Prim ran across the lawn to Peeta's house. She didn't knock but called out for him as she opened his door.

"I'M BACK HERE!" He yelled from the kitchen. She ran in and saw him wiping off his hands. He had been baking. "Prim are you ok?" he asked, his eyes widening. She shook her head.

"Katniss is really bad. Haymitch sent me to come get you," she cried. Peeta nodded and grabbed her hand, pulling Prim behind him and into Katniss' house. He could hear her screaming. When he got to the top of the stairs, her mother was in the hallway and Haymitch was in the doorway, holding his hands out.

"HE'S TRYING TO KILL ME! HE HAS PEETA!" Katniss screamed.

"Katniss you were dreaming. That wasn't real. Snow isn't here sweetheart," Haymitch said kindly. He turned his head and saw Peeta and moved aside.

"See, he's right here. Peeta's right here Katniss," he said, pulling Peeta in with him. Katniss looked deranged. She was pale and thin. She looked terrible. She was standing on the bed, holding the knife in front of her. He put his arms up in front of him.

"Katniss come down off the bed," he said. Katniss just shook her head. "Katniss please. It's alright. It was just a dream," Peeta said softly. Katniss let out a sob and shook her head.

"It wasn't a dream. He's here. He's going to take you and hijack you all over again. He's going to take away all your memories and kill you," she cried. He stepped closer.

"No Katniss he's not. He's not here. He's back in the Capitol. Please come down off the bed," he said soothingly. But she kept crying, holding the knife threateningly at them.

"When was the last time she slept?" Haymitch asked as he turned around.

"She had a really bad nightmare over a week ago. She was just starting to sleep more. But I couldn't wake her up out of it. It's been bad ever since then. She dozes here and there," Prim told him. He turned back around. Haymitch could almost guarantee what started this. Him making her kiss Gale.

"We have to get that knife away from her and get her to lay down and go to sleep," Haymitch said.

"I know," Peeta said. He took another step forward. "Katniss it's me. It's Peeta. I'm right here. Just come down to me," he told her. She just kept crying.

"Katniss please. Give me the knife. Let me protect you for a little while," he told her. But she shook her head. "I can take the knife for a while. I'll watch out for you while you sleep. Just like we always do. It's your turn to sleep,"

"It's all my fault that he took you. He thought I didn't love you. But he figured it out when you hit the forcefield and Finnick had to save you. He figured out that I loved you. So, he knew when he caught you what to do to you. To take away who you were. To make you a killing machine. And I just gave up on you," she sobbed. Peeta looked at Haymitch. Everything that happened in District 13 was very cloudy to him. He never really understood what happened at that time.

"I went to District 2, and I gave up on you. I let you go. I didn't want anything to do with you because you weren't you anymore. I didn't care if you died. You died in that arena," she cried. Haymitch turned around to Prim and Emily.

"Maybe it's best you ladies take off for a while. Only the boy can get through to her. And she'll hate that you've heard any of this," Haymitch told them. They both nodded and went downstairs. He heard the front door close shortly.

"I didn't die Katniss. And it wasn't your fault," Peeta told her.

"IT WAS MY FAULT. I SENTENCED 23 PEOPLE TO DEATH WHO WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SAFE! I KILLED THEM! IT'S MY FAULT AND I DON'T DESERVE A SECOND CHANCE!" She screamed at him. Haymitch stepped up next to Peeta.

"Sweetheart come on. Get down off the bed and talk to us," Haymitch told her. But she kept crying.

"He's in my head all the time. I hear him all day long. It won't matter. He's going to win this time. And he'll keep taking everyone I love. He won't just stop at Prim and Finnick and Cinna. He's going to kill both of you. And my mother. I won't have anyone left. He's going to pile all your bodies at my feet and laugh at me," she cried.

Peeta and Haymitch stared at each other. Not knowing what to do. What to say. She wasn't the girl who was standing in front of them. Peeta realized that this would have eventually happened to Katniss. Being in the Hunger Games killed a child's mental stability. Some were able to muddle through. Some were able to drown their sorrows with alcohol and morphling. Some went mad. And some, were too far gone.

Too many people died in Katniss' life. She had hit her breaking point and slit her wrists. Maybe a person wasn't meant to come back from that. But here she was, expected to do it all over again.

"Then when he starts talking to you Katniss, you need to come find me. When you start hearing him talk to you, you need to ignore it and come get me. Or send someone to come get me. You can hit your watch and talk to them, and they'll get me," Peeta said. She shook her head.

"We're not supposed to talk. I can't see you for six months," Katniss cried. Although Peeta thought, that she hadn't realized that she WAS talking to him right now.

"That doesn't matter. You bring me a pen and paper. You write down what's going on. And we'll go somewhere. We'll go somewhere and talk. And I'll hug you. I'll stay with you," Peeta told. He took another step closer. His knees were now touching the bed.

"Katniss you've come so far already. You already have made it through the 74th games. And you did better than last time. The Capitol is so obsessed with you. They have a countdown till the Victory Tour. They didn't have that last time. And the other Districts, they're so attached to the hope you've brought them. When you sang to Rue. The little gentle girl who had no business being there. You sang her to death. And you said how sorry you were to the others. For killing them. Every District knows, you didn't want to kill them. They see the hope in what you can do for them. For the freedom you're going to bring. But you didn't even kill them. Glimmer, Marvel and Cato are alive. They're back in 13. Along with Rue and Thresh. And you'll see them again. And when you do, even Cinna will there. They're not dead Katniss," he told her. She had stopped her loud sobbing, and she was slowing down on her crying. But she was still shaking and holding the knife out. But Peeta could tell she was loosening her grip.

"And I'm right here. And I have both my legs. See?" he said and threw his leg on the bed pulled up his pants leg. "And my mind is clear. I'm not hijacked anymore," he told her.

"I promised you I'd save his leg. Didn't I?" Haymitch asked. Katniss slowly nodded her head.

"Then I'll make you a promise right here and now. I won't let him get hijacked again. Even if I have to go into that damn arena myself to keep the boy safe from Snow. I won't let him get hijacked. I promise Katniss," Haymitch told her. Peeta didn't say anything. He would talk to Haymitch later, that he would never let Haymitch into the arena. He wished he wouldn't have said that. Promising to take Peeta's place was something he couldn't do. But he would deal with that later. He held out his hands to her.

"Katniss please. Come down. Let me hold you. Let me take care of you Katniss," he said. Katniss just stared at him. He slowly stepped up onto the bed. Katniss just stared at him, scared of what he might do. He slowly put his hand on hers and took the knife from her hands. He reached down and handed it to Haymitch. He helped Katniss step down with him off her bed. She looked at him as he placed one arm around her.

"There you go. You're safe now. It's me Katniss. I'm standing right here. And you're safe with me," Peeta told her. She started crying and leaned into him. He wrapped both his arms around her, and it must have triggered something in her, because she wrapped her arms around his waist, grabbing at his back and holding on so tightly.

"Peeta," she cried. He ran one hand up and down her back and had his other hand on the back of her head.

"Shh Katniss you're alright. It's just me. I got you now," he told her. He hadn't held her in a month.

He had made sure that he was always gone now that she was hunting. Making sure to not accidentally see her. He would leave for the bakery shortly after she left to pick up Rory, and by the time she came back, he'd be inside the bakery. He chanced it when he was out in his backyard, keeping himself busy with everything Effie sent him.

Then on Sundays was when he tortured himself. He would wait by the window to see her leave with Gale. He would always pick her up, versus meeting her there now. He hated seeing them together. But he knew it was important. Just leaving with Gale pissed Snow off. And he knew that Gale had kissed Katniss last week. That was a somber day. Haymitch had told him very quietly and put a hand on his shoulder.

I know it sucks having another guy kiss your girl.

He had said. But was she his girl? Could he officially call her that? His girlfriend? His fiancé? What was she? They never had a chance to talk about it.

"Please don't leave me," Katniss cried. Peeta looked Haymitch. Haymitch looked down at his watch and nodded. He would take care of the rebels controlling the mics.

"I won't Katniss. I'll stay right here with you. I won't let you go," he told her. Burying his face in her hair. Katniss suddenly yanked herself backwards.

"Oh God the microphones," Katniss cried frantically, looking around.

"Hey, hey, hey it's ok," Peeta told, holding her shoulders. "It's ok they're off. They won't turn back on till Haymitch tells them," Peeta said. Katniss looked to Haymitch.

"I can talk to them through here," he said, picking his watch up. "They're gonna be off for another few hours, but I'll see about getting them turned back off tomorrow. At least in this house," he said. Katniss covered her face with her hands.

"What's wrong with me?" Katniss cried. Peeta pulled her to his chest.

"Nothing that any other Victor hasn't gone through. What you're feeling Katniss, is unfortunately normal," Haymitch told her. Katniss moved her hands out of her eyes, but never moved out of Peeta's arms. Haymitch put his hand on her back.

"You've already made it a whole month sweetheart. More than a month," Haymitch said.

"That's right Katniss. It's not six more months. It's only about four and a half. One whole month is gone. It won't be much longer now," Peeta said, trying to reassure her. He felt Katniss shaking.

"I don't feel like myself. I feel like a completely different person," she said. Peeta squeezed her tighter. Haymitch put his hand on the back of Katniss' head.

"You need sleep," Haymitch said. Katniss' eyes widened. "The boys here Katniss. Let him stay with you so you can sleep," he told her. Peeta kissed the top of her head.

"That's right Katniss. Just lay down with me. Just let me hold you while you sleep. I'll be right here to chase any nightmares away I promise," Peeta told her. They stayed like that for a moment before Haymitch spoke.

"You stay with her. I'll deal with them," he said, holding up his wrist. Haymitch did something a little unexpected. He put his hand back on Katniss' head, and he kissed the top of her head. Peeta knew in that one little moment, how much he loved Katniss. Like she was his own daughter. He saw the pain in his face. He walked out then, closing the door behind them.

"Come on Katniss. Let's get comfortable and lay down," he said. She was already wearing something comfortable to sleep in, but he made quick work of taking off his socks and shoes. He looked down at his clothes. His shirt and khakis were covered in flour. Lots of it. He took his shirt off and his pants. He had on boxers and his tank top underneath.

He slipped into her bed, pulling Katniss with him. She laid her head on his chest and started shaking her head and pulling away.

"No, I can't. I don't want any nightmares," she said, pulling away, but Peeta sat up with her, holding her to him.

"No Katniss. You're going to be fine. I'm not letting you go. I'm keeping you right here with me. You're safe with me. I'm going to be right here with you. So, sleep Katniss. You need sleep," he said. She started crying and held her face in his hands.

"Baby you need to get some sleep. Your gonna collapse from exhaustion. I'm right here. I'm going to hold onto you the whole night. If you start to have a nightmare, I'll know it. And I'll wake you up. I'll stay with you. I promise Katniss just lay down. Just hold onto me," he said. She trembled in his hands, and he leaned forward and kissed her. Oh God, he missed her. He was really kissing her again. He wondered when the next time he would kiss her again would be. He pulled back looked at her.

"Please Katniss. Just lay down and try and sleep," he told her.

"You won't leave? You'll be here the whole time?" she whispered. He smiled at her.

"I promise Katniss. I'll take care of you. I won't leave you. I'll be here the whole time," he said. She nodded her head, and he pulled her down again.

"I'm so tired," she said. He kissed her head and rubbed her shoulders and her back.

"I know you are. So just close your eyes. I'll be here when you wake up," he told her. Within a few minutes, he could hear her breathing even out, and he felt her whole body relax. She was asleep. He let out a deep breath. One month apart had done this to her. Five months apart...she had killed herself. He shuddered at the thought.

He heard the door creak open, and Haymitch peaked his head in. He had a glass of water and put it on her nightstand.

"She's out cold," Peeta told him. Haymitch nodded his head and sat down on the edge of her bed, staring down at her. "We have to do something. Prim and her mom don't know the whole truth. They don't know how this is really affecting her. They don't know how to help her," Peeta said sadly. Haymitch scrubbed his face with his hands.

"Trust me, I know," he told him.

"We have to talk to the rebels or whoever control the damn mics and cameras. We need to set up some time for Katniss and I to be together. She's not in her right frame of mind anymore. She needs us. She needs our help. You have to make them understand that. She's not crazy. She's lost almost everyone she loved. She's been through three arenas and was the face of the rebellion. She can do this Haymitch. But she has her limits. And if we keep treating her like soldier, without giving her some downtime, this is only going to keep happening," Peeta told him. Haymitch looked back at her.

"You know I'm doing the best I can. I don't want a repeat performance of that day," he said, looking away. They sat in silence for a few minutes. "She's at least hunting. I got Gale to ask her for help," Haymitch said. Peeta raised his eyebrows.

"He said she wouldn't hunt. So, I told him, that if he asked her for help. Ask her to check the snare lines. Ask her to go hunting for him for the week, because his family is hungry, that she would get up and do it. She doesn't want his family to starve. And it slowly worked. He was worried about her going out by herself. So, then that's how we got his kid brother to go with her. She's teaching him, but Gale begged her not to let Rory go alone, because he's afraid of what would happen. He trusts his brother, and knows he wouldn't do anything stupid, or go too far into the woods. He's there to keep an eye on her," he said, motioning his head towards Katniss.

"Gale told me, that she blacked out sitting on a log. Rory tried to get her to come around for an almost an hour. But he swore he wouldn't leave her. All of a sudden, she just started talking to him. Acted like nothing even happened," Haymitch admitted to him. Peeta closed his eyes. How did she not even notice she blacked out?

"She didn't even notice they were about an hour late coming back. His mom was a mess, but Rory got Hazelle to calm down, without letting Katniss know anything was wrong. So, Katniss never knew they were an hour late, and that he was late for school," he told him. Peeta shook his head.

"She can't ever be alone Haymitch. Please. I'm begging you. Do something," Peeta begged, holding her tighter to his chest. "We have to tell Prim and her mother the truth about what happened," Peeta said.

"You think that's the right decision?" Haymitch asked. He looked down at Katniss. "She's gonna be pissed when she finds out we told them," Haymitch said.

"At least she'll be around to be pissed. They need to know exactly what we're dealing with. Her mother's a healer. Maybe she can find some herbs or something to help her. But they need to know the truth. They need to know how serious this is," Peeta said. Haymitch nodded and stood up.

"I'll talk to them when they get back," he said, and left the room. That was something Peeta wasn't used to. Haymitch listening to Peeta. Doing what Peeta thought was best. Even asking him if something was right or not. It felt good to be on equal terms with Haymitch. He trusted Peeta. And that made him feel good. Proud. He kissed Katniss' forehead.

"Don't worry Katniss. We'll make this right. I promise," he whispered.

She had been sleeping for at least 8 hours now. The sun had finally gone down. He had stayed here all day with her. She hadn't moved even once. Not even the two times he got up to use the bathroom. Prim had sat with her those times. She rubbed Katniss' back. Saying that she would wake up if Peeta left, but if she rubbed her back, Katniss would know she was still safe and continue sleeping.

Prim had brought him not only lunch, but dinner. He knew the first time she came up, that Haymitch had told Prim and her mother the truth. Prim had tears in her eyes, as she leaned down and kissed Katniss' forehead. He wondered where her mother was the second time she came up. But Prim answered that for him.

"She's taking this extremely hard. She's in her room laying down. She blames herself for shutting down again, and not coming back to take care of her. Her and Katniss are so much alike. My mother has never forgiven herself for shutting down when my dad died. This is just eating away at her," Prim said, brushing hair off her sister's face.

He had waited a whole month to talk to Katniss. To hug her, kiss her, to lay in bed with her. Was it selfish of him to wish she were awake? It did give him a chance to talk to Prim though. He had small moments here and there over the past year, but now that it was just the two of them, minus Katniss sleeping, he was utterly amazed at how brilliant she was. How incredibly sweet she was. It was no wonder why Katniss fell over her feet to volunteer for this beautiful blonde angel. She was to sweet and gentle for this hateful world.

"I've been too afraid to ask. What happened to Snow?" Prim asked Peeta. He looked down at Katniss. Making sure she was asleep he guessed.

"He was executed," Peeta answered. She nodded her head.

"Did she do it?" Prim asked. Peeta shook his head.

"It wasn't Snow who killed...it wasn't his fault that you died," Peeta choked out. Prim tilted her head.

"It was Coin. She sent me to kill Katniss. But that didn't work. It's why she sent you out into the front lines to help. She wanted Katniss to die trying to save you. And she almost did. But she realized that it actually wasn't Snow's fault for your death. So instead of shooting Snow, she shot Coin," Peeta told her quietly. Prim put her hands over her mouth.

Haymitch had to tell him why she did it. He couldn't understand why she killed Coin, instead of Snow. And then she tried to kill herself.

"Katniss has had way too much blood on her hands because of Snow. This time around, I'm going to make sure she doesn't have any. No one from our Games died, and no one from the Quell will die because of her. I won't let her shoot either of them," he promised Prim. She nodded her head. If he could make it through the war, without Katniss having to kill one person, it would change Katniss. She'll always have nightmares of the first time she killed these people, but she would be ok, knowing that they were all still alive.

"I'm glad she has you," Prim said. She reached over and held his hand. "Thank you for telling me the truth today. I know Haymitch told me and my mother because you encouraged him to. I want to know these things. I can help her better. I like knowing what's going on," she said. Peeta smiled.

"What's was going on between her and Gale though?" Prim asked. Peeta stiffened a bit. "When he first came to our house in the Seam, something was wrong between them. What happened?" Prim asked. Peeta gulped. He only knew this part, because Haymitch told him.

"She blamed him for your death to. He helped make those bombs, and they weren't sure if one of those bombs he made killed you," Peeta told her truthfully. Prim's eyes filled with tears.

"Poor Gale. Oh, that's awful. He would never put me in harm's way. Ever. He's spent years trying to keep food on my table. He's taken care of me as much as Katniss has," Prim said. Peeta couldn't help but feel jealous of that. Prim looked at him like an older brother. He wished that Prim would look at him as an older brother.

"It's not fair. Any of this. None of us should have to go through this. I can't wait till it's all over," Prim said. Peeta let out a chuckle.

"Yeah, me to. Then we can actually have lives," he said. She smiled at him.

"You really love her, don't you?" Prim asked. Peeta looked her straight in the eye.

"With my whole entire heart," he admitted. She smiled and squeezed his hand.

"Has she said it back?" Prim asked. He looked down at her.

"No, she hasn't. I sometimes wonder if she really does. Sometimes I think maybe she wants to, but doesn't love me in that way," Peeta admitted to her. It was Prim's turn to chuckle.

"She does Peeta. She'll say it. She's so scared to say it though. But she will," Prim promised him. She leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "So, since she loves you, you're eventually gonna get married, so then you'll really be my big brother then," Prim said. Peeta smiled and chuckled at her.

"Why don't we work on getting Katniss to admit she loves me first," Peeta joked. Prim sat back on her heels.

"That's fine. It's just, I've always wanted a big brother. It feels like that with Gale. But it's different with you. You're the love of my sister's life. It just feels different. You saved my sister from living the rest of her life alone," Prim said smiling. She got up and walked to the door, but then turned around.

"And I've always wanted one of my best friends to marry my sister," Prim said, shutting the lights off and shutting the door behind her. Prim thought of him as an older brother, and a best friend. He smiled at that. He liked the idea of having a little sister. He had started dozing off a little when he felt Katniss stirring. He thought she would sleep through the night. He heard her moan.

"Shh Katniss it's alright," he whispered in her ear. He felt her moving again. He knew she was in the middle of a nightmare. It must not be bad at the moment, but he didn't want it to get that far.

"Peeta I'm sorry," Katniss cried. Peeta sat up and started shaking Katniss.

"Katniss...Katniss wake up. It's Peeta. Katniss you're alright just wake up," he whispered to her, shaking her shoulders gently. She opened her eyes and looked around. He hadn't realized that she had been crying in her sleep.

"Katniss it's ok," he told her. She sat up and looked around. "It's ok. You're in your bedroom," he told her. She looked back at him.

"How long have I been sleeping?" she asked.

"More than 8 hours. I thought you'd just sleep through the night. Come on lay back down with me," he told her. But she just sat there and started wiping away her tears. He put his fingers under her chin and made her look at him. He wiped more tears.

"What were you dreaming about?" he asked her softly. She closed her eyes as more tears fell. He leaned into her cheeks and kissed them away, and she leaned into his touch.

"When they announced we'd be going back into the arena," Katniss whispered. Peeta pulled back and looked at her. That's why she was telling Peeta she was sorry in her sleep.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he asked her. He knew she was going to say no. She always said no whenever he asked her about her dreams. But to his surprise, she nodded her head. He nodded his head back at her, and laid back down, bringing her with him. She laid her head on his chest.

"It was all my fault you know. All I had to do was convince him. Convince him that I loved you. That I pulled those berries out because I was so in love with you, I couldn't live without you. I made mistake after mistake, not focusing, and doing what I was asked. And I was condemning 23 other people to their deaths. There's no way that anyone can convince me otherwise. The whole reason that Victors went into the Quarter Quell was because he wanted me to die and take 22 other Victors with me," she said. It was the truth. That is why Snow did it. But it wasn't her fault. And he knew he couldn't make her see that.

"I ran away screaming and crying. Not caring about how you felt. Not even caring about how Haymitch felt. All I cared about was about how I felt. You didn't even think twice. You went right to Haymitch and begged him to save my life. After I had chosen Gale, you still thought of nothing but me. My life was all you cared about, and you'd die to spare it," she told him.

He could feel her tears on his chest through his tank top. He didn't dare speak. This was definitely one of those very rare moments, where she needed to do nothing but talk. And he would let her, until she didn't want to anymore.

"When I went to Haymitch, I had no idea what I wanted to ask him. To save me? It wasn't until I drank and thought about it. This was my fault. And you deserved better. You never should have been in the Games. You won without changing who you were. You didn't die by brutally murdering any kids. You were sweet, and kind, and generous, and just a good person and you were being sentenced to death, all because I couldn't love a sweet, caring, kind man," she said. She let out a sob.

"This was how I was going to repay you. To thank you, for loving me so much, when I never deserved it. For saying sorry for how much pain I had caused you. For thanking you for saving my life. You needed to win. And I would do everything in my power to save you," she told him. She waited a few more minutes before speaking again.

"I didn't expect your reaction to finding out about going back in. I thought you'd hug me and kiss me and tell me you loved me. I didn't expect for you to make me train every minute of the day. I didn't expect you to be so in control of me and Haymitch. I never saw it coming. I missed you. I wanted you to hug me and kiss me. And I felt selfish for wanting that because I broke your heart so cruelly. I felt like it was only fair, that it was my punishment for being so stupid, mean and so careless with your heart. And I was so starved for you to hold me by the time you finally did that night on the train," she said.

He remembered that night. When he realized when they were coming home from the first Games, and realized she didn't love him, he had tried to stop loving her. He had been trying for a whole year. It was so incredibly hard. He kept telling himself, she was in love with Gale. Don't push her. Don't follow her around like a lovesick puppy dog. Just accept it. He thought he had. But as soon as the Quell was announced, he went right back trying to protect her.

After he had asked Haymitch to save her, and went back to his house, he laid down and realized, when he died in the Quell, he could finally be at rest. This was his way of never having to watch Katniss marry Gale. This was his out. That's why he was always so harsh with her. So, commanding. He wanted her to be able to fight in that arena and go home. But he didn't want to torture himself anymore.

He wouldn't stare longingly at her. He tried to stop loving her. But that night on the train. He was so drained. That in an instant, he caved, and held out his arms for her. He decided right then to just let whatever happen, happen. He would enjoy his last few weeks with her.

"I never wanted you to let me go," she admitted. It felt good to hear her say that. He kissed the top of her head, now choosing to speak.

"I remember that night to. I missed holding you in my arms. And I never wanted to let you go either. I'm sorry I was so demanding of you. I just wanted to make sure you got out of that arena. I wanted you to be able to fight against the others. I just wanted to make you strong and give you a fighting chance against them," he told her. She squeezed him tighter.

"You have no reason to apologize," she told him. He stroked her back up and down, trying to soothe her. They sat there for a while before she spoke again.

"I dreamt of Cinna to. Being beaten to death right in front of me and then they just sent me up into the arena. I never had a chance to even cry. I never had a chance to tell you,"

He didn't know too many details about it. He only found out when he went to District 13, and it was Prim that told him. But he never really cared or noticed. It wasn't until he was in the Capitol, and they were pumping him full of drugs that he realized that Cinna was dead. Beaten to death in front of her.

"Cinna knew what he was doing," Peeta said. He felt Katniss stiffen. "He told me so last month. He wanted something big for you. He needed to make a statement. He needed to help start the Revolution. You weren't just a piece in their Games. He wanted more for you. More for his Girl on Fire. And he knew that when he made your dress, that Snow would kill him. He was willing to do it because he wanted you to have a future. He wanted everyone to have a future, and it was a sacrifice he was willing to make," he told her. He heard her start to cry and held her tighter.

"He just never meant for it to happen in front of you. He remembered your face full of tears, and you screaming for him. He felt awful. That his mistake was going to keep costing you so much. He never wanted you to see that" he said.

She started crying then. He wondered if she had ever even cried for Cinna. He figured probably not. When would she have time? They went straight into the arena, and then to 13. She never had a chance to mourn him.

"They beat him to death in front of me. And his blood was everywhere. I couldn't get out of the tube to try and help him," she cried.

"Shhh Katniss. It's alright,"

"He was my friend. He never did anything wrong. He was good. And they killed him," she cried. He wished there had been someway in the arena for her to have let him know what had happened to Cinna. He would have held her. Given her a chance to cry. But she never had that. This had been building inside of her for so long, he let her cry. She sobbed for nearly 15 minutes for Cinna. Her sobs started slowing down and he kissed her head.

"He's still alive Katniss. And they're working on a way to save him. Haymitch told me they may even give him a tracker. They'll keep his heart beating and send him to 13. We don't know yet. But he'll be alive. He'll make it Katniss. I promise," he said, kissing her head again. She scooted up towards him, resting her face in the crook of his neck.

"I never had a chance to cry for him," she whispered. His suspicions were right on that.

"I know. But you cried now. Don't you feel better?" he asked. Katniss shrugged.

"I had a horrible thought that night. That what if I died, and I never even was able to shed a tear for him. I never had a moment to grieve for him. To pay my respects to him. I was just thrown into that damn arena. You were drowning one minute, and getting killed by the force field," she choked up. He pulled her tighter against him.

"I thought you were dead," she whispered.

"I know," he told her. He felt tears on his neck.

"You were dead. In my arms. You had no heartbeat. Your heart stopped," she cried, and squeezed him so tight.

"If you had stayed dead, I would have let Finnick kill me," she whispered. That froze his body. If he had died, she was just going to give up? She wasn't going to fight?

"I wasn't going to let the Capitol take you without me. I was going to die if I failed you and let you die only after a few hours. I wanted to stay with you, always," she told him. That broke his heart to know that's what she would have done.

"I never expected my reaction. Of course, I would be devastated…but shattered and broken and wanting to die with you…I never should have reacted like that. But I couldn't help it. He knew then that I cared for you. That moment was what made him realize my feelings for you. That you weren't just the boy who I was forced to pretend to live. He realized that you were someone that I cared more deeply for than anything in the world. But he twisted it into something he could use. And he used it to hurt me," she said angrily. Peeta pulled her up.

"I know what he did. I know why he did it. But I'm ok now. My mind is clear. I don't have to figure out what's real or not. I don't think you're a mutt, or I'm a mutt. And I don't have any of those flashbacks. He didn't take my sanity, or my soul this time. I'm ok Katniss," he assured her, and kissed her softly on the lips. Trying to stop her before she started sobbing again.

He just let her cry for a while. It was all she could do. She was exhausted from two years of hell. He thought maybe she had dozed off again, but then started talking again.

"Finnick realized it then to," she whispered. He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Realized what?" he asked.

"Realized that I did care for you than more than a friend. It wasn't just an act. He knew that I hadn't realized it myself yet, but he knew there was more there. Finnick knew all along," she said. She put her head down, and Peeta shifted around a little.

"What did you realize Katniss?" he asked. She looked to the side, and then at him. Was this their moment? He wanted it to be more special than this. He wanted to have candles everywhere. Primrose petals on the bed. He wanted to even hopefully make love to her.

But here, in her room, with her mother and sister down the hall, and she was crying, wasn't really all that romantic. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

"That I never want to be apart from you. That I want to live the rest of my life with you, not without you. That I don't want you to ever leave me. That if you die, nobody won't need you. Because I'll need you. You dying, won't do me any favors. I'll be miserable without you, and not be able to live without you. Because you're not just my friend Peeta. You mean more to me than that," she cried. He smiled.

That was all he needed to hear. He closed the gap between them and kissed her. His hand tangled in her hair. He would try and set up that romantic night with her. Get Haymitch to get them to turn the mics off. But he wanted it special for Katniss. She deserved that one special moment where they weren't talking about old memories and clearing the air. He wanted her to have one special moment, that the Capitol couldn't steal from her. From them. He pulled back and smiled at her.

"I've been really waiting to hear that for so long Katniss," he said. She hugged him tightly to her.

"I'm so tired Peeta. I just want you to hold me," she whispered in his ear. He was surprised that she had been that open. And he was sure she wasn't trying to make that sound erotic, but boy did it sound hot, her whispering that in his ear. He nodded his head and pulled back.

"I want nothing more than to hold you all night long," he said, cupping her cheek and kissing her. They settled back down into bed, turning the lamp off. After a few minutes of Peeta brushing her hair back, she spoke.

"Did you call me baby earlier?" Katniss asked. Peeta was startled by the question, and he had to think about it.

"Yeah, I guess I did. I won't call you that if you don't like it," he told. It had just slipped out of his mouth when he said it.

"I like it," Katniss drowsily said, before she fell asleep again. Peeta smiled.

She admitted he was more than just her friend. He could be patient and wait for that right moment. The perfect moment where they tell each other they love one another. He could wait for that moment.

He slept soundly that night. It was the first time in a month. He slept with Katniss in his arms, and neither of them woke up from nightmares. He looked up at the clock and realized it was 5:00 am. He usually was up by now to start baking. But he was content with Katniss laying in his arms. He heard a knock at the door and was surprised to see Haymitch poke his head in.

"What are you doing here?" Peeta asked.

"Wake her up. I have something to show you both. And we gotta do it before the sun comes up," Haymitch said. He tossed something on his bed. Peeta looked at his clothes that he had taken off last night. They were folded on the bed. He looked to Haymitch in question, and he shrugged.

"Prim probably washed them. Come on wake her up," Haymitch said, and left.

He really didn't have the heart to wake her up. She had been struggling to find sleep. She hadn't been doing well, and after finding her yesterday, sleep deprived and waving around a knife, it scared him. He had to do something. They needed to save her. He felt her starting to stir. She slowly opened her eyes and looked around. She looked almost surprised to see him there.

"Hey," Peeta said sweetly. She smiled at him.

"You're really here," she said. He smiled and kissed her softly on her lips.

"Yeah. I'm really here. No nightmares?" he asked. She shook her head.

"No. No nightmares at all," she said, and scooted closer to bury her face in his neck.

"You make me feel safe and relaxed. I never want to sleep apart from you again. I just wish everything was so different for us," she whispered in his ear. He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. He wished that to.

"It will happen one day. I promise," he told her. She nodded her head. "Haymitch is probably what woke you up. He has something to show us and wants us up before the sun comes up," he said. She pulled back and looked at him.

"What is it?" she asked.

"No idea. But come on. Let's get ready," he told her. She nodded her head and stood up. He reached over and grabbed his clothes and stood up and started getting dressed. He watched as she grabbed clothes out of drawer and went into her bathroom and shutting the door. But not all the way.

He could see her shadow on the wall of pulling her shirt over her head. He sat on her bed and started putting his shoes on. Would there ever be a day, when him and Katniss would get ready, and she wouldn't have to go into the bathroom to change? Would they just dress in front of each other? Behind that door, she was taking off her clothes.

He shook his head. Now was seriously not the time to start thinking of Katniss taking off her clothes. He flopped backwards on the bed, groaning, and covering his face. All he had really thought about lately, while he was lying in bed, trying not to think of Katniss, was making love to Katniss. I guess he could chalk it up to Effie basically telling them, for three months you can have sex and you won't get pregnant.

Why had Effie said that to them? Was she able to see that things between him and Katniss were different? Was she just trying to help them, that if they wanted to take their relationship in that direction, they wouldn't have to worry about getting pregnant for the next three months? Well now it was two. Less than that. He groaned again.

"What exactly are you doing?" Katniss asked. Peeta sat up and saw her leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom, arms crossed, and a bemused expression on her face. He blushed and let out another chuckle.

"What are you groaning about?" Katniss asked. Peeta reached down and grabbed his shirt, yanking it over his head.

"Trust me you don't want to know," Peeta said, standing up.

"What if I do want to know?" Katniss asked. He walked over and kissed her softly on the lips.

"I'll tell you about it when we cross that path," he told her. She raised her eyebrows and he chuckled.

"I promise I will. It's just a thought that really shouldn't have entered my mind. So, don't worry about it. I'll just tell you later. I promise," he said, and kissed her again. She nodded her head and Peeta smiled, putting his hand on her shoulder and turning her towards her door. They walked down to see Haymitch standing by the front door.

"Feeling better sweetheart?" he asked. Katniss looked down at her feet.

"I'm sorry for what happened. I keep trying to do better. But I just keep failing. I'm sorry for waving the knife at you guys," Katniss said.

"Well then this little surprise is perfect timing. Follow me," Haymitch said, opening the door. Peeta and Katniss looked at each other, but followed him outside, and walked behind him. He hadn't even really acknowledged that Katniss apologized to him. It wasn't that he didn't care...it was something that Haymitch was happy about. But the two of them didn't dwell on I'm sorrys.

"Haymitch where are we going?" Katniss asked.

"Haven't the foggiest." Haymitch said. Katniss grumbled and rolled her eyes.

Peeta looked around at the dark sky and smiled. No one could see them out here. He looked over at Katniss and smiled at her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and she snuggled up to him, smiling. It was like they were a real couple, walking down the street together. It felt normal. As normal as it could be with following Haymitch, sneaking around in the dark, so no one could see them. Peeta had no idea where Haymitch was taking them. He snuck them through the Seam, weaving in and out of backyards, and the streets. He led them to a house and opened the front door.

"Haymitch stop that's someone's house," Katniss hissed. Haymitch laughed and rolled his eyes, walking in anyways. Peeta and Katniss followed, and Haymitch shut the door behind them. Peeta looked around and realized that someone lived here, and they were barging in, because there was furniture in here.

"Haymitch what are we doing?" Peeta demanded quietly.

"No need to whisper. No one lives here. We just want to make it look like someone lives here," Haymitch said. He went over to a dresser and started moving it out of the way. He then went down to the floor and moved a floorboard, digging his hand far down as he could. Then they heard something that sounded like a release. He stood back up and moved aside the wall. Katniss gasped.

Haymitch turned around and smiled. There was a dark hole. He reached in and a light switched on. Peeta walked closer and saw that it was a stairwell. Haymitch laughed.

"Alright then. Follow me," he said. He started walking down the stairs. Peeta and Katniss looked at each other, but Peeta waved his hand, letting Katniss go first.

The stairwell was very wide. The ceiling and walls were nothing but dirt. Someone had dug these holes out. Lights were on the top, being strung up, so no one was walking in the dark. Peeta wasn't sure how many steps they went down, maybe 50, until they were at the bottom, and realized they were in a large tunnel. Haymitch walked just a minute when he stopped and turned around.

"There's three other tunnels just like this hidden in the Seam. And one in town," Haymitch said, obviously proud of himself. Katniss and Peeta looked around.

"I never even knew these existed," Katniss said.

"They didn't. Not until we left for the games this time," Haymitch said. Peeta and Katniss turned back to him.

"District 13 have been working night and day to get them done. These tunnels are a few miles long. In a few weeks they'll be done and will be about four miles long. They go up into the woods outside the fence, where there's a trail to a clearing, where a hovercraft will pick everyone up," Haymitch said. Katniss gasped, as her and Peeta continued to look around at what they were seeing.

"This my dear, are the tunnels that will get everyone out of District 12 safely," Haymitch said, smiling.

"How are we gonna get everyone down here that night? They're big, but these tunnels aren't that big to get 10,000 people out in one night," Katniss asked.

"It won't be 10,000 people in one night. When winter hits there's gonna be a bad flu that hits District 12. When one family member gets it, it's going to affect the whole family. The old folk's home and the orphanage are going to get hit big time. We'll be getting about 3,000 to 4,000 out of here this Winter. Then we'll start having 'mining accidents' and just sneaking families out until the Quell. They can take anything they can carry. Any livestock as well," Katniss and Peeta's mouths drop.

"And as soon as we leave that night for the Quell, more people will start being taken out. Every night more and more people will leave. Night and day people will be leaving. The last day only a few hundred people will be left. And everyone will be out before the bombing," Haymitch said.

"How is that possible? The Peacekeepers will notice more than 6,000 people are just disappearing. Even with the flu, they'll send people down here with medicine. They're going to want to see all the bodies. And once the Games start, the cameras will be here," Peeta said.

"They're taking care of all that. We have Rebels in very distinct parts of the Capitol. Any medicine that they make will be delivered, but it won't be real. And Peacekeepers have trackers in them. So, the rebels can control the Peacekeepers. They'll keep them out of our hair for two weeks as we evacuate. They're already making a schedule. Everyone will be given 24 hours' notice, and they can bring anything they can carry. Anything that's truly sentimental, as long as they can carry it, they can take to 13 with them," Haymitch said.

"District 13 is big Haymitch. But not big enough to house 10,000 more people. And what about when Snow tries to bomb us? We all won't be able to hide down there," Katniss said. Haymitch just smiled.

"They're already working on all that. First of all, there's a lot more to 13 then we ever saw. But they are building and making it bigger anyways. They're always building. They're working on more food to feed everyone. They've already gotten all that covered. It's gonna be easier this time. Families are bringing a lot of resources with them," Haymitch said. Peeta laughed and smiled.

"I can't believe this. It's really happening. Everyone's going to be ok," Peeta said. It was truly unbelievable.

"I told you everyone would be ok," Haymitch said to Katniss. She turned and looked at him.

"We know what Snow will do, so we know how to fight him. We're going to win this war, just like we did last time, but with a lot less loss," Haymitch told her. She nodded her head.

"You just have to keep remembering what we're fighting for. When you think you're losing it, and you're afraid to be alone, you just remember this. Everything you're doing. This is why we're doing this. To save everyone," he said. Katniss nodded her head and looked around.

"This is perfect Haymitch. And he has no idea this is happening?" Peeta asked. Haymitch shook his head.

"He's completely in the dark. The only thing that he knows is that Katniss haven't seen the boy she's supposed to be in love with for over a month, and she kissed Gale," Haymitch said. He saw Katniss' eyes look to Peeta in alarm.

"It's ok Katniss, I already knew about it. If it will make him mad enough to put us all back in the arena, then I'm willing to deal with it. We're fighting for our freedom here," Peeta told her, taking her hand in his. She nodded her head sadly.

"I'm trying to work out when you two can get some time, where the mics are down," Haymitch said. He felt Katniss stiffen. He knew she didn't want to get her hopes up.

"When the mics go down, the rebels are playing fake stuff for Snow to listen in on. They take all the sounds we make and make up their own conversations," Haymitch explained to them. Peeta and Katniss looked at each other, and then back at Haymitch.

"The more you talk Katniss, the more voice they have to play around with. When you're sitting their quiet, never talking, there's not a whole lot they can do. But when they've recorded hours and hours of your voice, they can stop anything at a drop of a hat and give you more time. And make sure you don't get caught by the cameras," he told her. Katniss put her head down.

"So, talk more," she said.

"Yes," Haymitch told her. She looked up at him.

"I can do that. I promise. I'll do better Haymitch," Katniss said. Haymitch, surprising to Peeta, just smiled at her, and didn't fight her on it.

"I know you can. You just have to remember that you can do this," Haymitch said. Then he laughed. "You did it before. We made it through. So, you know it will happen. We'll win. We're just doing it better this time. That's all this is. You just have to know that you can do it," Haymitch said. Katniss nodded her head.

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't mean for this to keep happening to me. I just can't control it," Katniss said.

"Is there a way to get ahold of some of those sleeping pills Haymitch? Sleeping syrup will let her go to sleep but it doesn't stop you from dreaming. At least with the sleeping pills she can get some sleep," Peeta said, squeezing Katniss' hands.

"I already tried. We may be able to bring some back after the Victory Tour. But Effie can't ship those out. We already tried," Haymitch told her. Katniss pulled her hand away from Peeta and crossed her arms.

"I do know what's wrong with you though," Haymitch said. Katniss looked up at him. "And nothing that your experiencing is unexpected," Haymitch told her.

"I don't mean to act like this. I can't control it. I just can't..." Katniss trailed off.

"Katniss it's alright-" Peeta tried to say, to try and wrap his arms around her, but she stepped away. Peeta looked at Haymitch.

"There used to be this thing, this...disorder. It was before the Dark days that they dealt with this stuff openly. It happened to people who had been through a traumatic situation. And doctors could treat it. With therapy and medication. When there were wars a long time ago, the soldiers would come back traumatized. They called this, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder," Haymitch said. Peeta and Katniss just looked at each other. Peeta wondered where Haymitch was going with this.

"And depression is a huge factor in all this." Haymitch said. He snorted and raised his hands.

"You grew up in freaken District 12. You've been starved your whole life. You've watched the Hunger Games your whole life. Your father died because the Capitol put the Coal Miners in dangerous places. And that left you in charge when you were just a kid. Of course your depressed. Everyone in District 12 is depressed. The Games just started your downfall," he said. Peeta looked to Katniss to see her reaction. She had tears in her eyes. She looked like she wanted to run.

"Every single Victor that has ever gone through those Games suffer from PTSD. You're not immune to it. Every single one of us have handled it different. But we all know that just because you win, it doesn't stop. If you're ugly, then you're lucky to just bring kids to the Capitol every year to be slaughtered. If you're beautiful, then Snow wants to sell your body to every horny person in the Capitol. And if you don't do what the Capitol wants, or you've made a mistake, your family gets killed," Haymitch said.

Peeta could hear Katniss' breath get heavier. He wouldn't look in the mirror and say he was ugly, but he wouldn't say he was beautiful either. Of course, he knew that the Capitol thought so. If things had been different, would Snow prostitute him out like Finnick? And would he have done the same to Katniss? He knew she was beautiful and everyone in the Capitol thought so to. If things had been different, would Snow have prostituted them both out? God, Snow probably would have sold them together. He could have put them in a room full of Capitalists for their wedding night, watching them loose their virginities. He shuddered at the horrible thought. God he shouldn't think like that.

"You had it different than anyone. From the moment you entered that arena, you were a target in a whole other way, that no other tribute had been. You realized you were playing a whole different game the second you decided to find the boy," Haymitch said, turning to Peeta.

"No one can disagree, that you've had it harder than anyone. Snow played with your head. Making you think that the safety of not only your family and friends, were on your shoulders, but all of Panem. You can't put everyone's lives on one person's shoulders. He manipulated you and made you think that if you didn't subdue the Districts, make them settle down, that it was your fault. That their blood was on your hands. It was never about you. You were just the face of the Rebellion. You volunteering for Prim is what started everything. Everything fell on your shoulders, and I'm sorry," Haymitch said. Katniss turned her head and wiped at a tear that fell.

"It's a lot. A real lot. And then everything that happened here before the Quell...someone having to go through another Hunger Games...it's too much. It's way too much, and I know that. And us losing Peeta, and being in a war, losing everyone. Katniss, you're traumatized. There's no denying that. Every single moment that you've been through...there's no simple magic way to get over it. Your body and your head are completely overloaded. We went back in freaken time, and you had to go through the damn arena all over again," Haymitch said. Katniss let out a small sob, covering her face.

"It hurts. My whole entire body hurts. It feels like someone's stepping on my chest so I can't breathe, all the time. Crushing me," she cried. Peeta ignored her when she tried to pull away and hugged her tightly to him.

"Shh it's ok. It's ok, I got you Katniss," Peeta whispered to her.

"I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I want this to all be over," she cried. Peeta looked to Haymitch. How were they supposed to help her?

"Katniss listen to me," Haymitch said, pulling her out of Peeta's arms and making her face him.

"I'm asking too much from you. I get that. The rebels are asking too much from you. Snow is asking too much. Panem is asking too much. I get that Katniss. I really do. But we did have freedom. It's right there under our fingertips. We can do this. You can do this. And then you can live your life. We're just asking for another year. I know this is hard, but I'm begging you to trust me. Know that just because you can't see what's going on, this is going on," Haymitch said, looking up. They were in a tunnel that would help residents of District 12 escape.

"I need you to just trust me, that I'm going to get you through these two years,," he said. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her. She cried on his shoulder. Peeta just stood by, watching helplessly.

"When this whole thing is done, we'll find you a doctor to help you," Haymitch said. Katniss frantically pulled back and shook her head.

"No, no, no Haymitch. I don't want a doctor. They'll pump me full of drugs. I barely made it out of the Capitol because of Dr. Aurelis," Katniss cried. Peeta wrapped his arms around her.

"No Katniss calm down. That's not's what's going to happen," Peeta said. He flashbacked to his time in the Capitol. They were trying to help him. They did of course pump him full of drugs, but they were trying to see what would work. They weren't even done when he finally got released. It was just to give him a break. They already told him he would have to come back in a few months. He would have to stay on meds for the rest of his life. And that wasn't even a guarantee that his brain would heal itself.

"There are good doctors out there. You have something serious that's wrong with you. And they will help you Katniss. They may even give you meds. But they're not gonna keep you in the Capitol. You had no idea what happened in the five months that you shut the world out. I found a doctor for you. She was going to come to 12, but then..." he trailed off.

"Because I killed myself. Say it. I killed myself Haymitch," Katniss cried. Peeta flinched and Haymitch cringed at her words. Peeta tightened his hold on her.

"She's good Katniss. I'd bring her here now, but we don't have our freedom to go into any District we want. She's good though Katniss. She was going to help you-"Haymitch tried to say, but Katniss sobbing became louder.

"They'll keep me in the Capitol and drug me. They'll put tracker-jacker venom inside me. Please don't let them do that to me Haymitch," Katniss cried.

"No please Katniss. No one's going to do that you. I promise I won't let anyone hurt you like that," Peeta told her.

"I won't either. Katniss, not everyone from the Capitol is bad. What about Cinna. He was born and raised in the Capitol, and he's nothing like them. Or Portia, Effie, Cressida or Messalla. There are some good people in this world Katniss. And she will help you. She'll come here. I won't make you go to the Capitol. I promise," Haymitch told her.

"I promise to," Peeta said, kissing her head.

Haymitch had walked ahead of them as they walked back to the Victor's Village. Peeta and Katniss just walked a little slower. Peeta couldn't help but enjoy the feeling of walking with Katniss. He had missed her so much this passed month. And he was sad that they didn't even get to enjoy the new turn they had taken in their relationship...whatever it really was. They had to be separated this whole month.

When they got back to the Victor's Village, he could feel her tensing up. When they got to his house, there was a hammering sound from his backyard. Katniss looked at him strangely and he just smiled at her.

"Come on. I have something to show you. And right now, is the perfect time," Peeta told her. He grabbed her hand and pulled her into his backyard. The sun had just come up, so he knew his brother would be here. His brother was all the way towards the back, and more so in Katniss' yard.

"Is that Ryee?" Katniss asked. Peeta smiled and nodded his head. "What's he doing?" she asked. There were piles off wood stacked neatly in the back. Ryee was on the ground hammering and looked up.

"Where have you been? I went inside and you weren't around," Ryee said. Then he realized Katniss was with him. "Well, I didn't think I was allowed to check the Everdeen house. It's nice to see you," Ryee said.

"You to," she said shyly. She never spent any real time with Peeta's family. The most she ever talked to was their dad. It was weird to just see Peeta's families around…they never came around before. She wondered what had changed.

"Yeah, don't go looking for me at her house," Peeta told him. Ryee gave him a funny look. He knew that look. Ryee was about to say something obnoxious.

"So, what were you two doing? You're up pretty early, aren't you?" Ryee asked, eyeing Katniss.

"Get your mind out of the gutter and be quiet," Peeta said, embarrassed.

"What exactly are you building?" Katniss asked.

"I'm building your little sister a chicken coop. A really nice one to. It will keep out some of the cold once winter hits. This baby will hold 30 chickens," Ryee said proudly. Katniss looked at Peeta.

"Why are you building Prim a chicken coop?" Katniss asked. Peeta smiled again. Her eyes went passed hers a bit, and he turned his head, then turned back to her and smiled.

"Did you start a garden to?" Katniss asked. Peeta smiled again.

"Yeah, I did. Prim's helped a lot with the garden. She really likes it. It was her idea for the chickens," Peeta said.

"Why are you doing all this?" Katniss asked.

"Well, everyone comes to your mom. I used to see them coming and going all the time. And your mom would send them home with food. But she didn't send them home with a lot. Neither of us have that much in the house to really send everyone home with enough food to keep them from starving," Peeta told her. Katniss nodded in understanding.

"So, I thought of a garden. It's pretty big. We have some fruits and vegetables and some herbs. We can offer them more when they come to see your mom from now on. And I can bake early in the morning, so when anyone drops by, there's fresh bread for them to take home to their families to," Peeta said. Katniss' mouth opened a bit. She looked stunned.

"Prim's been really helping me a lot. I couldn't do the whole garden by myself. And she thought it would be wonderful to have some fresh eggs. And Ryee was really excited to build it," Peeta said. Katniss looked back at Ryee and his smile lit up his whole face.

"Won't your mother be angry that you're not at the bakery?" she asked Ryee. He rolled his eyes.

"I don't care anymore." he said and went back to the wood. Katniss turned back to Peeta with wide eyes. Peeta shook his head, letting her know he would tell her later about Ryee.

"We're gonna give away the eggs. We can still go buy ours. It helps the town when we make our purchases," Peeta said, with Katniss nodding her head in agreement.

"What will happen to the chickens when we all leave here? You just going to let them out?" Katniss asked. Peeta smiled again.

"We already thought of that. When we leave for the Quarter Quell, Prim's gonna bring the chickens to families in the Seam. They'll cook them up. So, none of them will go to waste." Peeta said. Katniss smiled at him.

"You've thought of everything," Katniss said.

"I got something else to show you. Come on," Peeta said, taking her hand, and leading her to the side of his house. They got to his basement door, and he unlocked it. Leading Katniss inside, he turned the light on. Her eyes widened in amazement as she looked around. He had all types of gym equipment.

"What is all this?" Katniss asked.

"It's the same as the garden and the chicken coop," Peeta said as Katniss stared at him in confusion.

"When they told us on the train that we'd have to stay away from each other for six months, I knew it would be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. And I wanted things to keep me busy. So, Prim came up with the idea for the garden to help anyone who came to visit your mother. And that would really help distract me. And then I thought about when we trained for three months before the Quarter Quell. I want to be stronger than I was last time. I want to start training now. So, Effie helped me with all this. Had some guys from the train come and set all this stuff up," Peeta said. Katniss looked all around in amazement.

"It's also soundproofed," Peeta said. Katniss stopped and looked at him.

"There aren't any mics down here, and they put stuff on the ceiling, so the mics in the house can't pick up what's said and down here. Effie told me that if the carpet was on the ceiling, then it worked. But to not get my hopes up. So, if you ask me why I hadn't told you before, that was why. She didn't know if she could make the soundproofing happen. But she did it," Peeta said. Katniss smiled as she looked around. Sometimes touching things, sometimes just staring in amazement.

"I just like to stay busy with stuff. Keep my mind off missing you so much," he told her. Peeta watched as amazement crossed Katniss' face, but then she looked away, like she was embarrassed.

"I want to be stronger in the arena. I don't want anyone to have to carry me. I want to be strong and be able to protect you. I want to be able to fight. And even after that, we'll be fighting a war. I want to be strong enough for everything. And getting myself into shape will do just that," he told her. She looked back at him.

"Everything you've done. You always think of everyone else first. Think of what everyone else needs before you ever think of yourself. I've been moping around this whole month. Gale had to remind me that his family counts on me to get them food, and here you are growing it," Katniss said. Peeta stepped toward her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"You've been through a trauma Katniss. You're allowed to mope around," he tried to reassure her. But she shook her head.

"I'm just always selfish. I only ever think of myself," she said, tears filling her eyes.

"Katniss that's not true," Peeta told her, grabbing her arms and making her face him. "What were you just telling me last night. What was your purpose in the Quarter Quell?" he asked her. She had made a deal with Haymitch to save him the second time, not her. Everything she did was to keep Peeta alive. Katniss shook her head.

"That doesn't count. You risked your life to save mine and send me home in our Games. And it was my fault you went in a second time," Katniss said.

"That doesn't matter. The point is you went in there risking your life just to save mine. You wanted me to survive and were willing to die to make sure that happened. That's not selfish Katniss," Peeta told her. She looked away, willing herself not to cry, but failing.

"I just want this all to be over," she whispered. Peeta pulled her towards him in a hug, and she held on tightly.

"It will be Katniss. It will be over. We just have to take it one day at a time. Make every one of these days mean something," Peeta said.

"How do you do it Peeta?" she asked.

"Do what?" he asked her. She pulled back and held out her hands.

"This. Everything. How do you make it through the day? Because each day kills me. I was alone for five months, and it ate away at me. I didn't make it. Now I'm just supposed to be alone again," Katniss said.

"But you're not alone this time. I'm here. I'm right next door. And Prim is alive, and your mom is here. Gale's whole family. You have Madge to hang out with. And I just make it through each day because I know every time I go to sleep, it's one day closer to the end of all this. I just concentrate on that day, and I keep myself busy. All you have to do is keep yourself busy," Peeta said. Katniss laughed sarcastically and wiped at her tears.

"How do I keep myself busy? You're always baking or painting. And now you have working out, and gardening and the chickens," Katniss said. Peeta snorted at the last part. He picked up her hand.

"Follow me." Peeta said. He walked her up the stairs and into his living room. He sat down on the couch, and pulled her down with him, having her lay down with her head in his lap. He got her comfortable, and then started stroking her hair.

"I do have all those things. And not a minute goes by, while I'm doing all those things, that I still don't miss you. That I don't think about what you're doing. These things keep me busy and keep me from running over to your house. They don't take the pain away," he told her. She closed her eyes as she listened to him talk.

"And you have your hunting. That used to take up a lot of your time. And it can again. If you just let it. Being in the woods makes you happy. And you can help with the garden. Prim has been. If you're helping Prim, then it will keep you busy, and give you a chance to really talk to her, away from the mics. And the chickens. Prim will need help with those. So, you'll have things to keep you busy to Katniss," he told her. She nodded her head.

"I've actually been thinking of something for you," he told her. She opened her eyes and looked at him. "Those two girls from District 8 who you met in the woods. In the cabin. They'll be there again this time around. I thought, as something for you to do, you could take stuff to the cabin. Food and medicine and books. Things to keep in the cabin. Blankets, pillows, clothes, and matches. Every day take something more. So, when they do get to the cabin, we can leave them a warning to stay there. And District 13 will pick them up," Peeta said. Katniss mouth fell open, and she sat up, and turned to face him. She had a smile on her face.

"Peeta thank you. That's perfect," she said, and leaned in and hugged him. He buried his nose in her hair. Was this their moment? For him to say he loved her, and for her to say it back? She wasn't crying. This might be a good moment. But he wanted it to be romantic for her.

"Thank you for remembering these things for me," she told him. He smiled and pulled back and brushed some hair away from her forehead.

"You're very welcome. I have all the time in the world to just think of these things. This is all I do all day," he admitted sheepishly. She cuddled up to him and laid her head on his chest.

"I've missed you," she admitted to him. He smiled. He loved hearing that. Was it as hard for her as it was for him to stay away? Well, what a dumb question to ask himself. Of course, she was having a hard time. She wasn't sleeping.