Second Chances

by Peetabreaddd

FULLY UPDATED! What happens when Katniss can't live without Peeta anymore after they won the war? Feeling lonely, Katniss does something tragic to make it all stop, but is given a second chance to make everything right. STORY HAS BEEN COMPLETELY REDONE

6. Chapter 6

They sat there for a few minutes in silence. Not really needing to talk. But they didn't get these moments to often. They should keep talking. There was still so much to talk about. What happened in the Quell and what happened when they got back to 13. And then of course, what happened when she got back, and hid in her house for five months. And what caused her to take her own life…but he couldn't push her. They would have time. Even though they needed to stay away for now, they would have the time.

"My dreams are horrible. I dream every night of you getting taken to the Capitol. I imagine all these horrific things that happened to you. Every single night," she whispered. The truth was, so did he.

"I never should have let Finnick, Johanna and Beetee separate us," she blurted out suddenly. Her voice raising. It came out of nowhere. Well, that wasn't exactly true. When it's in your nightmares, it's never just an out of nowhere comment.

He knew what she was talking about. At the end, they split up, because that's what they wanted. Finnick, Johanna and Beetee never even had to discuss it with each other, they just knew, that if they stayed together, he and Katniss were going to run off from the group. They knew it, because he and Katniss didn't know the final plan, of the rebels getting them out. And they both needed to stay alive for the rebellion. The three of them needed to protect Peeta and Katniss. And they couldn't do that if they left the group. So, he and Katniss let the group split them up.

"We were going to leave them Katniss. They couldn't let that happen. They needed to protect us,"

"I should have insisted that we stay together. That Finnick and Johanna take the coil and we'd stay with Beetee. I never should have let them split us up because you were captured by the Capitol. You were taken because of me," she cried out. She sat up and stared at him. She was getting worked up again and that worried Peeta.

"I won't let that happen this time do you hear me. They'll have to come up with some other way for the Quell to end because I'm not letting you out of my sight. We'll get rescued by the rebels together. You're not getting captured by the Capitol again I won't let it happen. They can't hurt you again Peeta," Katniss cried. He pulled her close to him as she cried. "I'm so sorry Peeta. I never meant for that to happen. I wanted them to save you not me," she cried.

This was a totally different Katniss that he once knew. She cried by herself. She dealt with it all by herself. But the second she was rescued from the arena by Haymitch and Plutarch, she stopped being the girl that he knew. She started breaking down. After the war, she felt like she had nothing…even when he came back to her that day…he wasn't really there. He couldn't connect to his emotions. The Capitol had taken Peeta's soul…and that version of himself was never going to be able to save Katniss.

"It doesn't matter anymore Katniss. I'm ok now," Peeta said.

"I'll never get over it. They captured you and tortured you. It was all my fault Peeta. It was always my fault. I let him hurt you," Katniss sobbed. He knew there was nothing he could say to her to make her feel better. She sobbed hard on his shoulder. He figured she had been blaming herself since the second she woke up on the hovercraft, that it was her fault. It had been eating away at her. It had been crushing her.

"I'm so sorry Peeta," she sobbed. He just held her tight. She just kept saying she was sorry over and over again. He didn't know what to do or say to calm her down. He figured, like when she talked about Cinna, she needed to cry over this. She had probably never cried for losing him, and this was finally her chance to get it all out.

"I won't let you go Peeta I promise. I won't let them take you," she cried in his shoulder.

"Katniss I'll be stronger next time. I'll be able to fight better and run faster. You won't have to babysit me I promise. You won't lose me. It's ok Katniss. This wasn't your fault. I don't blame you. I never have and I never will," he told her. He repeated the same words over and over again. He wasn't saying anything new. But he would tell her over and over again until she started to heal.

She pulled away from him.

"But you should blame me. Snow hijacked you to hurt me. He wanted me to feel pain. He wanted to torture me, so instead of physically hurting me, he hurt you, knowing it would kill me. To take away everything beautiful about you. To take everything wonderful about you and make you into some monster. And I fell for it," she said and closed her eyes, letting the tears fall down her face.

"I left you in 13 to die," she admitted without opening her eyes.

"Because I couldn't face what he did to you. I couldn't face that it was my fault. I couldn't look at you when it wasn't you. I never wanted to see you again because I couldn't face you. I couldn't," Katniss admitted. Peeta pulled her to him again as she cried.

He heard something from the kitchen, and realized his brother had been standing there, listening to Katniss cry. Peeta hadn't told his family about getting captured by the Capitol and getting hijacked. He never told them what happened in the war. He would eventually tell them, but he hadn't been willing to face it just yet. He couldn't talk about what happened with someone that didn't know that he had been captured. He didn't have the strength to explain it. But his brother had heard Katniss' choppy confession, of the Capitol taking him and hurting him. His brother Ryee stood there, with a deep, sad face.

"That's why I made them send me to District 2. I wanted to get away from you. I never asked about you. I never wanted to know how you were doing. You were dead to me," Katniss cried. Peeta gulped and stared at Ryee. His face was red with anger. He shook his head at Ryee, letting him know not to say anything. Katniss pulled away again and pushed at his chest.

"You should hate me. Why do you even care about me? I left you in 13 to die. I never wanted to see you again. I chose Gale again over you. I never tried to help you get better. I even thought about leaving you in the Capitol at one point at the very end. I let you leave Tigris' shop by yourself. I didn't even try to keep you with me. I left you to rot. Why don't you hate me? I deserve it Peeta. Please just hate me," she growled at him.

God, she couldn't get worked up like this again. Peeta wanted to tell Ryee to leave, to get out. He didn't want his brother hearing this. Katniss was starting to freak out. She was getting how she was when she held the knife to her throat at the dinner table. Or when she held out the knife the night before in her house. This time it wasn't from sleep deprivation. This time it was just because what had happened to her was too much. Peeta shook his head and grabbed her hands.

"Katniss stop this. I don't hate you. I couldn't hate you. None of that was your fault-"

"I CHOSE TO LEAVE YOU BEHIND IN 13! I WANTED YOU TO DIE!" Katniss screamed. It hit him like a ton of bricks.

"I wanted you to die because you weren't you anymore. You were a monster. You weren't you. You were better off dead if you weren't you anymore," Katniss sobbed. He was too stunned to move. He heard his front door open, and knew it was Haymitch crashing in.

"What the hell is going on?" Haymitch demanded. Haymitch looked at all three of them.

"Why are you crying? What happened now?" Haymitch demanded. He walked around to stand in front of them on the couch. Katniss ripped her hands away from Peeta, and tried to run out, but Haymitch stopped her.

"Katniss stop it. What happened?" Haymitch demanded. Katniss stood there, crying. She covered her face with her hands.

"I don't deserve him Haymitch. Please make him realize that. Make him not want me anymore. Make him hate me. Please Haymitch. You owe me," she begged him. He held tightly to her, not letting her run.

"I thought we got this all figured out. What happened in the half an hour that I left you two?" Haymitch asked. Peeta was still to stunned to move. She wanted him to die? He thought she loved him. She had as much said it, without actually saying the words. But who was he kidding, this was Katniss. Why did he ever think something would change?

He watched her. He saw the way she looked at Gale. He was the one Katniss loved. She just felt bad, felt guilty for everything that happened to Peeta. She didn't really love him. And Peeta was all over her. Throwing himself at her once again. Sleeping in her bed, comforting her. Why couldn't he just let her go? Let her move on? Make himself move on. He shook his head and stood up.

"Where the hell are you going?" Haymitch demanded. He stood in front of Peeta, pushing on his chest. Taking Katniss along with him. "I want to know what the hell happened. If you two aren't going to tell me, then you tell me? Why are these two freaking out?" Haymitch asked Ryee.

It seemed to snap Katniss out of her sobbing, and she frantically searched around for who Haymitch was talking to. When she saw Ryee, her eyes widened and she gasped, covering her mouth with her hands.

"Oh God," she whispered and started shaking her head. Peeta snapped out of whatever he was feeling. He could practically hear Katniss' thoughts. Someone else had heard her confession. His own brother. And the fury was all over his face. You could read it easily.

"I'm so sorry," she cried, stepping backwards. She slammed right into Peeta's chest and spun around.

"Katniss stop it ok. You're fine just calm down," he said, putting his hands on her shoulders. Haymitch stood behind her. She was melting down again, and he didn't know where she would go this time. They needed to keep her as calm as possible. He looked over her shoulder at Ryee.

"Just go back outside ok. I'll explain everything to you later," Peeta said, wrapping his arms around Katniss as she started sobbing again.

"No. I kinda want to know right now how she left you somewhere to die. How she wanted you to die. I kinda want to know what happened right now!" Ryee demanded. Haymitch's turned his head back towards Peeta and his eyes widened. Katniss groaned as she sobbed.

"I will tell you everything later. Just please just get out of here for now," Peeta begged.

"Why are you even comforting her? She doesn't love you. She loves that other guy. She chose him, she just admitted that. She left you because she thought you were some monster. That you would be better off dead. Why are you protecting her? Let her run off and cry on her sisters' shoulder," Ryee said. Haymitch spun around.

"Listen. I don't know what you just heard, but I can gather as much about what she said. Take it from someone who was there, after the Quell, who watched what happened, and actually knows what happened, that you don't understand whatever it was she said. I was there. I was there for both of them. He was sick. Snow tortured him and messed with his brain. He wasn't the same boy who's standing here today. She blamed herself. Still blames herself for every bad thing he went through. So, give the girl a break alright," Haymitch said.

"Give her a break? How can you even say that? I remember what happened last time. She ignored him for six months. Broke my little brother's heart. Then he still went into the damn arena to save her, when she's in love with another guy," Ryee said.

"She doesn't love Gale," Haymitch defended her.

"She just admitted that" Ryee fought back, throwing his hands out to her. But Katniss pulled back and stared at him.

"I don't love Gale. I'm sorry for everything that happened to Peeta because it was all my fault," Katniss cried. Peeta tried to pull her back, but she spun around and screamed Peeta, lunging at him. He fell backwards and felt the back of his head slam into the edge of the side table that he had next to the couch.

"PEETA!" Katniss screamed. Haymitch yanked her off of him, as Ryee came running up.

"PEETA!" Ryee screamed. Haymitch pulled him off as well and shoved him to his feet and towards the door.

"Get her mother and sister. NOW!" Haymitch yelled. Ryee left the house. Katniss sobbed and bent down over Peeta, shaking him.

"PEETA!" Katniss sobbed. "I'm so sorry Peeta. I'm so sorry. Please be ok," she cried.

This was her fault. She just wanted to shove him away from her. She wanted to run away from his house. She just wants this to all be over. Why can't she just end all of this? Her mother and sister came running back, bending over Peeta.

"Katniss move out of the way," her mother said. But Katniss was sobbing and too distraught to move. "Pull her away," she told Haymitch. He tried yanking on her, but she wasn't moving.

"Sedate her Prim," her mother said.

"No please," Katniss cried. Haymitch pulled her away roughly and he got on top of her and pinned her to the ground. "NO STOP IT!" Katniss screamed. Prim hesitated and just stood there, staring at them.

"You gotta do it," Haymitch told her. She stepped forward and stuck the needle in her arm, sedating Katniss.

His head felt awful. And he could feel the room spinning. He couldn't hear anything though. Why? He felt someone trying to help him sit up and was patting him on the back. He opened his eyes and saw nothing to well. His vision was blurry. He tried rubbing his eyes, and could hear something, like a deep voice, trying to talk to him. He figured it was Haymitch. As his vision started clearing a bit, he was realizing he wasn't in his living room.

"Peeta?" he heard someone call his name. But it wasn't a voice he recognized. As his vision started to clear up better, he realized he was in the woods. What on earth was he doing in the woods?

"Peeta?" the voice called again. He looked up, and saw a man standing above him, staring down at him, and smiling. "Are you ok? You hit your head pretty hard,"

He picked his hand up and felt the back of his head. He didn't feel anything.

"Yeah, you probably won't feel it till you're back at home," he said. That was true. When he got home, he'd probably feel it. "Let me help you sit up," he said. Peeta let him help him, and he sat Peeta down on a log.

"There much better," he told him. Wait. How did the man know he didn't feel anything. He looked at him suddenly, but the man just smiled. "It's alright Peeta. You're safe here," he said. Peeta looked around.

"Why am I in the woods?" Peeta asked. He smiled and chuckled.

"It's one of my favorite places to be," he told him.

"How did I get here? Where's Katniss, Haymitch and my brother? And who are you?" Peeta asked. The man smiled again.

"They're all back in your living room. Just calm down. I just want to talk for a bit," he said. Peeta looked at him. His smile was familiar. Like he'd seen that smile before. And his voice. He searched his memories from where he knew this man. And then it hit him suddenly. This was Katniss' father. Peeta's mouth fell open, and her father chuckled again.

"I'm not surprised you remember me. I remember catching you watching Katniss when you were kids. You've always watched Katniss, Prim, her mother and me. You have an amazing memory," he said. Peeta suddenly was very frantic.

"Katniss...and Prim. They only saw you when...oh God. Am I dead?" Peeta blurted out, standing up and looking around for a way out. Her father stood in front of him, grabbing onto his shoulders.

"Peeta you're not dead. You're pretty knocked out. But not dead. I just wanted to talk to you, and this was the best way," he said.

"The best way?" Peeta repeated. He nodded his head and smiled.

"I should probably introduce myself. Instead of just being, Katniss' father. My name is Charles," Charles said, and extended his hand to Peeta. He slowly took it. He could feel his skin. Feel the warmth. This was really happening. Peeta gulped.

"Why don't you and I walk," Peeta followed him. "I know that this all has been hard on you. Being a Victor never is easy, but you and Katniss have had it the worst. I'm sorry for that," he said, looking at Peeta. Then facing forward again.

"I couldn't stop it. I wish I was able to. But you both were the hope for a safe and peaceful future. You had to be reaped. Everything that happened, had to happen. Whether I wanted it or not. That was out of my hands," he said sadly. He looked back at Peeta. "She hasn't said anything about her experience with me. She's said bits and pieces here and there to you. But she hasn't revealed what I said about Prim or her mother. Or Haymitch, Gale and especially you," he said. Peeta gulped again after hearing Gale's name.

"I knew you were meant to be with my daughter, the day I picked her up from school and saw you looking at her. I knew you were a goner, and I just knew in my heart that you two were meant to me. And it turns out I wasn't wrong. But you doubt that. You always have. You tried to put it in the back of your mind since I sent you back, but all those feelings came back tonight. All the doubt that you have, about whether or not Katniss loves you. If she loves Gale or not," he said. Peeta looked away, feeling guilty.

"You're allowed to feel this way. With everything you've been through, it isn't surprising at all. But I wanted to take this opportunity, to share some things with you," Charles said. He turned around and looked at Peeta.

"I don't want her to feel guilty enough to be with me. I don't want her to feel obligated to love me. And I think that's what she feels like. And I don't want to be second choice, just because she blames Gale for Prim's death. I don't know if I'm the one she loves. And I can't handle that," Peeta said. Charles nodded.

"Well, I can help you with that. The answer to you or Gale," Charles said. Peeta could feel his whole body shaking. He didn't want to know. It was every fear coming to light. He was jealous of Gale. He always would be. If Katniss had said she loved him, he would always feel like it was because she felt she owed him for hurting him so much.

"I can hear your thoughts by the way. And please, let me stop you, and end your agony already," he said. He didn't say it with pity. "Gale is meant to marry a lovely blonde girl," Charles said. Peeta stared at him for a moment. "And the funny thing is, Katniss was always meant to marry a blonde herself," Charles said. Peeta just stared at him.

"If things had been different. If there were no Hunger Games, Katniss would have been a different girl. But who she was meant to be with would never change. You and Katniss were meant to be Peeta. You were meant to be together," he said. It was hard to believe that. Because then why would Katniss try and constantly push him away?

"You already know the answer to that. You heard everything she said to you today. Losing you in the Quell, was the hardest thing for her. That's what started Katniss spiraling out of control. She didn't know she was in love with you. But when she lost you, and then how she reacted to you in District 13...it's eating away at her. She doesn't know how to deal with her own guilt. She has it in her head, that she can never be in love, because love leads to marriage, and marriage leads to babies. She programmed herself to believe that she would never fall in love. So, when she did fall in love, she didn't know it. She doesn't want to love anyone because she's afraid of losing them. And she keeps losing everyone she loves," Charles said. Peeta was stunned by everything he had just said. He was speaking to fast.

"We don't have a lot of time, that's why I'm trying to tell you everything you need to know," he told him. Peeta nodded his head.

"But everyone she loves, is back...except you," Peeta said. Charles nodded his head.

"Losing me took a huge toll on her. Me, her mother, and Prim were Katniss' whole world. I was taken from her, and it turned that loving part of Katniss...it made it hard. She wasn't going to allow anyone else into her life. But I led her to you that day you gave her the bread," Charles said. Peeta looked up at him.

"That's a story for Katniss to tell. But I even led her to Gale. She needed someone. If she didn't have Gale, then she wouldn't have learned to be strong. To be tough. She wouldn't have learned how to fight. To survive. And he taught her that. But that's all they were ever meant to be. Friends. Katniss was meant to go into the Hunger Games and be the face of the rebellion. And you were meant to stand right along with her. Your words can move a nation Peeta. You were never a no one in this war. You were meant to play a bigger role then you did play. And that's why I gave Katniss this second chance. I wanted some things to be fixed. Especially with you both. Having your leg, and not getting hijacked would be the biggest things. Saving Prim, Finnick, Cinna and Rue, those were the big deal breakers to. They were never meant to die. And they did. I wanted some of these wrongs to be righted. So many people weren't meant to die in this war," Charles said. Peeta shook his head.

"Why are you telling me all this? And how do I know it's true? That she really does love me? That we really are meant to be together?" Peeta asked.

"Because you are my future son in law. My daughter loves you. You're the only person, besides me, to have ever made her feel safe. You're the only person to give her hope. To love her and care for her, the way she needs. And you know that it's the truth, in here," he said, pointing to Peeta's heart.

"You're afraid. I understand that. You've had a horrible two years, always thinking that Katniss loved Gale. Never getting any love back. Coming back and finding her..." her father trailed off and looked away. Peeta knew what he was referring to. When he found Katniss in her living room, attempting to kill herself. He shuddered.

"Well yes, after you found her, and then getting sent back here, and having Katniss practically say she loves you, without saying it to you. So, I know that this is hard for you. But Peeta, you love her, and I am telling you she does love you." he said. Peeta let those words sink in. Katniss loves him.

"Katniss is sick. We all know that. She can't sleep, and she's depressed. Haymitch was right about that Post Traumatic Stress. She has it and is told she can't get any help until it's all over. I'm not going to lie to you and say it's going to get better. These episodes aren't going to stop. She's still going to have these moments. She's going to get a lot worse before she gets better. And it's going to be very hard. Even when everything is all over, she's going to need you most, because that's when she's going to need to deal with every single thing, she's been through. And the only way she's ever going to make it through, is with you. Because you'll be standing by her the whole time," he said. Peeta looked at him. He looked sad.

"Knowing my daughter is in that much pain...pains me to the core. But she has you. So, I want to take those doubts out of your head. Get rid of them because everything will be ok. You'll get your happy ending. I promise. I just need you to have faith and hope, not only for yourself, but hold onto it for Katniss' for a while, till she can have hope for herself. Just keep that faith for the both of you. And love her through all of it. She will forgive herself one day, and realize that these things that happened to you, weren't her fault. But it will take a long time. So have faith and hope son," he said, and leaned forward and hugged Peeta.

"Thank you for being the man my daughter deserves," he said.

"Is this all real? Is this all going on in my head?" Peeta asked. Charles laughed and pulled back.

"This really is going on in your head Peeta. But it doesn't make it any less real," he told him.

Before Peeta could say anything, he opened his eyes, to see Haymitch leaning over him.

"He's awake." Haymitch said.

It took a few minutes for Peeta to wake up and little and to sit up. He instantly saw that Katniss was asleep on the couch. He knew she wasn't just asleep though. She had been sedated. That much was obvious.

He let Prim and Katniss' mother nurse his head. He had hit the edge of the table and cut his head. Emily gave him some pain killers to drown out the pain in. She didn't think he had a concussion. After he reassured them all that he was ok, he had to try and get his brother to leave. His brother was angry and wanted Katniss out of the house. Peeta told Emily and Prim, that it would be better for her, when she woke up, that only he was there with her. That he would take care of her.

He and Haymitch had to settle Ryee down, and the only real way to do that, was to tell his brother the truth. Everything that happened, after he had died. He had to make him understand what Katniss was upset about. Why she was freaking out. And he had to convince his brother, that their relationship wasn't a one-way street. That she did in fact, love him. It wasn't easy. But he also had to answer the question, that was on everyone's minds. How did they get back here?

There were so many people who did remember that they had already lived this day before, but they had no idea why. He admitted to Ryee that Katniss took her own life. And why she did it. His brother used to be his best friend. But when he got back from his Games, Ryee didn't understand Peeta anymore. He knew that letting his brother in, and telling him something, that not too many people were privy to, meant something to Ryee.

He and Haymitch sat there for a few hours, telling him a lot of things that had happened while he was alive, that he never even knew. The day had gotten away from the three of them, and it was dark outside, and Katniss was still asleep. His brother had left, dreading having to go home. He was supposed to be back hours ago to help at the bakery. His mother was going to throw something at him. Peeta figured that if he sees Ryee tomorrow, he'll have a black eye.

Haymitch stayed a little while, but he left to go drink. So, it was just him and Katniss. He had no idea what would happen when she woke up, but he was ready to deal with this. His head was clearer about everything. He wasn't unsure, or nervous. His mind was completely clear. He knew what had to be done with Katniss. He knew that when they had to separate, she would still have trouble sleeping. She would still go days on end without sleeping, and she might even reach for a knife again. But he was more aware, and clearer than he had ever been, on what had to be done. That was why he insisted that Haymitch left. He was ok. They would be ok.

He didn't reveal to Haymitch though, that he talked with Katniss' father. He thought that he should tell Katniss first. But when he would do it, he didn't know.

He sat in the recliner next to the couch, leaning his elbows on his knees, just waiting for her to wake up. It should be soon. Any minute now. And with that, she started stirring. He would wait for her to wake up on her own. He didn't want her to see him and start freaking out before she even woke up. So, he sat there, leaning his elbows on his knees, and waited quietly. It took a few minutes, but Katniss slowly woke up. She looked around, and slowly sat up. Getting her bearings. And then she looked over at him. It must be different for Katniss to see him sitting away from her, not trying to comfort her. She looked around the room. Looking for anyone else. She knew Haymitch and Ryee had been here.

"Everyone went home. It's just you and me," he said quietly. Katniss was at a loss for words. He would love to know what she was thinking, what was going on in her head. But he was going to listen to her father. He knew that he had really met Katniss' father, and he was going to trust him. That Katniss did love him, and that they were meant to be.

"Are you ok?" she whispered. He nodded his head.

"Your sister gave me some stitches in the back of my head. I wasn't passed out that long. They gave you a light sedative. But your mom figured you'd sleep all day because you haven't been sleeping well," Peeta said. Katniss nodded, looking the other way.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, looking away from him. She curled her knees up to her chest, and he saw she was wiping a tear.

"I'm not mad at you. I've never been mad at you. Because I understand all your actions. I understand why you do everything you do, and have done, just since we've come back," he told her, letting it settle in.

"I get why you cry, why you struggle, why you push me away. I get it. And I'm not mad at you, because I get it. So maybe, if you get it through your head, that nothing you can do can make me mad at you or will make me hate you. It won't push me away. Maybe if you get that through your head, then maybe we can have a real relationship," he said. She shakily looked over at him. She looked scared.

"We do have a relationship. But we're only starting to scratch the surface of what happened to us. And if we're going to have a relationship, like boyfriend and girlfriend, then we have to take our lives into our own hands," he said. Katniss stared at him in question. She didn't know what he meant.

"This can't go on anymore. We have to clear the air. We have to talk about why you took your own life. Even though I know you want to avoid it," he said. Her eyes widened, and then she started shaking her head.

"No, I can't. I can't do this," she said. He knew she was going to do this. He knew she was going to try and run. He stood up and stood where she needed to go to run to the door. She was shocked that he blocked the door. He didn't want to scare her, so he gently put his hands on her shoulders.

"No more running. I'm not going anywhere Katniss. Nothing you can ever say, will make me hate you, or make me leave you. I'm in this for the long haul. You need to be able to start to heal, and it's not going to happen for a while. But you holding in all this guilt about what happened to me...you need to let it out. I need to hear it, because I can't help you, I can't be there for you if you don't let me in. That you don't let me feel the pain that you do. If you don't lean on me when you need me. I can't be there for you, if you don't tell me that you wanted me to die in 13 because I wasn't me anymore," Peeta said gently. She gasped at hearing in his words. He knew that she was shocked to hear those words come from his mouth, with no anger in his voice.

"So, if we have to sit here all night with no sleep, to talk about everything, to get it all out. Then I'm all for it. I barely sleep as it is, and slept a lot last night. So, I'm good to go," Peeta said. Katniss eyes looked around the house.

"It's just me and you Katniss. The mics aren't on. All anyone in the Capitol is hearing right now, is you watching T.V., and then going to bed, and me cleaning up the kitchen and going to bed. So, it's just you and me," he said, and leaned in now to hold her. Rubbing his arms up and down her back. He heard her stomach growl.

"I can feed you first at least," he whispered. She chuckled, and let her head fall to his chest. He kissed the top of her head. "I'll make you something to eat. Just sit back down and I'll be right back," he told her. She nodded her head and sat back down.

He walked into the kitchen and decided on some bread with goat cheese that Prim gave him. He pulled out a couple of apples and oranges. He filled a glass of water and made some hot chocolate. He knew Katniss loved that. He was relieved when he saw that she was still sitting on the couch, that she didn't sneak out on him. She was a hunter, so she knew how to be extremely quiet. He sat down next to her and started cutting the apple for her to spread the cheese on. They sat there for a few minutes in silence, just eating.

"Do you think Haymitch is right?" she asked suddenly. Peeta looked at her. "That I have that Post Stress thing?" Katniss asked. He was touched she was asking his opinion.

"Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. And yeah, I do think you have it. We all do. I think it affects you more," he said honestly. She looked down sadly. "You've been through way too much. People have placed too much responsibility on you. It's not fair. I think you've hit your breaking point," he said.

He reached over and took her hand in his. "It doesn't make you weak either. Or that something is wrong with you. You just need to learn how to deal with it. To heal from it and move forward," he said.

"And you think talking about everything will do that?" she asked. She didn't believe that it would help.

"No, I don't. That's only one step Katniss. The first of many that you're going to have to take. That we're going to have to take together. It won't cure everything. But you keep all your feelings to yourself. You bottle it all up and you don't ever just talk about it and get it out in the open. And do you still really want to be having this conversation a year from now?" he asked her. She looked up at him. He was making her think.

"Wouldn't you rather get everything out. Talk about what happened, and start to heal? A year from now you can be feeling better, because you don't have to worry if I'm going to turn my back on you because of what you're hiding from me. That I'll still be there standing right next to you. Or would you rather you just go back to your house, sleep by yourself, and wonder for the next year if I'm really still going to stick by you? If I'm really going to start hating you, because you think I deserve better," he asked her.

"Holding all this in is keeping you back from healing. From starting to heal," She let out a sarcastic chuckle and looked down at their intertwined hands.

"Even after I tell you what my deepest thoughts you could still do that," she said. He put his hand under her chin and made her look at him.

"You already told me you left me in District 13 to die. Hoping I'd die because I was better off dead because I wasn't myself, and that you chose Gale over me. And I'm still here Katniss. I still haven't gone anywhere. I'm still right here with you," Peeta said. He saw her bottom lip trembling, and tears fill her eyes and he pulled her towards his chest and rocked her as she started crying.

"I'm not going anywhere Katniss Everdeen. Your stuck with me," Peeta whispered into her hair. She held onto him tightly.

"I can't Peeta. Not now," she whispered. He understood that. "I can't get your face out of my head when I watched you on TV. It's engrained in my head. I see your face every night. I needed you out of there. I needed you to come back to 13. Coin and Plutarch never understood how bad I needed you out. They needed to plan that rescue mission months before. Before they beat you," she cried.

"My nightmares kept me awake. Every waking moment I ached for you. It physically hurt my body. My whole world was just spinning. I couldn't breathe. And they didn't get it. Be brave. People are watching you…I didn't care about anyone's freedom but yours. I was…I was heartsick for you," she admitted.

How could Plutarch and Coin put her through that? How did no one notice that she wasn't just spinning? She was spinning out of control. This was where she was showing major warning signs that she was mentally breaking down. Didn't they question why she was constantly in the hospital, mentally disorientated? Why didn't someone take charge of her?

He knew the answer to that though. Haymitch, Gale, Finnick, Prim, her mom, Effie…they all tried. But their hands were tied. Coin wouldn't let them. She wouldn't let Katniss rest. She watched as Katniss got worse and didn't even care. A thought passed him.

"Did you use to hide in a closet?" Peeta asked. Katniss sat up and stared at him.

"How did you know that?" she asked, stunned.

"Haymitch and Finnick…they were sitting in my room. I had been sedated, and I had been coming in and out of consciousness. They were talking about how you would sit in a closet all the time…Haymitch was scared for you. He was worried about your mental state. And Finnick said if I didn't get better…then you would go crazy…like Annie," he said, recalling the memory. He looked up at her.

"The pearl," he whispered. She bit her lips. "Haymitch said you never went anywhere without it. They both said they had caught you a few times playing with it. Holding it to your lips," he just looked at her.

"Why did you do that?" she averted her eyes. She was embarrassed.

"Because I would pretend you were with me. I took it everywhere I went…because it was the only present you ever gave me. I couldn't part with it. Or the necklace. Or the spile. I just had to hold onto them. I needed them," tears streamed down her face.

How could they let her spiral out of control like this? He turned his own face and tried not to cry. He would have taken care of her. He would have held her. He would sit by her bed every night and making sure she ate. He would have taken care of her.

He let out a deep breath and turned back to her.

"What would you do in the closet?"

"Think…and cry," she said he nodded his head.

"You went in there after you came to see me in the hospital, didn't you?" he asked. She looked away again and nodded her head. He pulled her to him, and she buried her face in his neck.

"I was so angry because I was so selfish for taking you for granted, and selfish for thinking that you used to think I was so wonderful. Now you saw me for who I really was. Violent. Distrustful. Manipulative. Ugly and deadly. And you threw Gale in there, asking if it was ok with both of you when I kissed you. And I hated you for finally seeing it. You finally saw the truth about me," she said. That was like cold ice hitting him. He made her sit up.

"That's how you see yourself?" he asked. She looked down and nodded her head.

"God Katniss. That's the furthest from the truth. I'm sorry that you could ever think that I would think that about you. That I would say that out loud about you. But I don't see you like that. You're not violent Katniss. You were forced to do everything that you did. Snow made this world do it. He's the one who put children in the Hunger Games and fight to the death. He's the one who made us fight a war. You're not distrustful. Your very trustworthy. I would trust you with my life. And I'm not the only one. Me, Prim, your mother, Haymitch, Gale, Finnick, Johanna, Cinna, Rue and Annie. I can keep going. We know that you will do whatever you have to protect us," he rushed out.

He hated the more he heard. He wished he had been more in control of himself back then. It was like he had a whole other personality.

"And you're not manipulative. Everyone around you was playing head games. You were trying to fight a war. You never lied to anyone to get your way. You never made them do something for your own personal gain. That's another lie Snow put into your head. You're not manipulative, because you don't set out to hurt people. You're compassionate because you fight so hard to keep us safe," was she listening to him?

"And with me and Gale...you never did any of that to set out to hurt us. You didn't know yourself. Gale said you only kissed him when he was in pain. You were trying to be there for him. You didn't do it to be mean. You're 16 years old and thrown into a war as an adult. You were put into an impossible situation and it's ok that you struggled with us. You weren't meaning to hurt us. You didn't set out to. It just happened,"

"And you are not deadly. That's what Snow wanted you to think, that people would die because of you. This war wasn't about you. It was about freeing Panem. But Snow got into your head and twisted everything. Panem wasn't dying for you. They weren't fighting just for you. They were fighting for themselves. For their families and friends. For their Districts. You were just the face of the Rebellion," he took a deep breath.

"As for you leaving me in 13…I understand you. You couldn't face what was happening. I understand. You were to hurt already, and you couldn't keep sitting there and getting punched in the gut. You couldn't keep standing there and letting your heart break. You were hurt and scared," he wiped a tear on her cheek.

"And you're not ugly. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. You're very pretty. And I think you're perfect," he kissed her cheek.

"You're a survivor. You were fighting for our freedom. You fought alongside thousands. You survived the Hunger Games and a war. But you are none of those things. You're not violent, distrustful, manipulative, ugly or deadly. You're none of those things Katniss. I promise you; I'll make you realize it. I'll prove them all to you. I swear it," he told her. She didn't reply. He didn't think she knew what to say. He knew taking compliments was extremely difficult. She saw herself differently than the rest of the world did.

"I could never understand what was going through your head. I didn't understand how someone's brain could do that to them. I couldn't handle that you couldn't remember anything true about me. How every memory was twisted into something evil," she whispered. He let out a loud sigh. He just hated hearing her talk like this. She needed him in District 13. All she needed was Peeta. He would have been able to get her through the war. But he couldn't help her. He had been hijacked. He came back to her and tried to kill her. She had no one.

"I had memories of holding you. Sleeping all night with you in my arms. And I would wake up, paralyzed by nightmares, but able to wrap my arms around you, because you were safe. And waking you up from your nightmares. But then I had these awful memories that they made me see," he took a few deep breaths.

He didn't want to tell her…but he knew he had to. Telling her the truth was going to help heal her. Everyone lying to her is partly what broke her.

"It was always of you using me. Always trying to kill me. Lying to my face, making me think that you loved me. Being on top of me and riding me and laughing at me. Because I wasn't good enough in bed. And because I always fell for your lies, you kept on doing it. And I really thought you loved me, but you were using me because you missed Gale. It was stuff like that," he stopped. That was enough for now. She looked up at him with disgust. Not at him, but what they made him think.

"That's why you always thought more stuff happened on the train between us," she said. He nodded his head.

"What do you mean by riding you?" she asked. His eyes widened. He hadn't meant to even say that, but he didn't expect her to not know what he meant. He shifted himself a little.

"It's um...it a sex position. It's just a slang term for it," he said and cleared his throat. She blushed bright red. She had just put the pieces together of what he said. That they were having sex.

"I'm sorry you saw that" she whispered. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Those are shiny memories. I know they're not real," he said, touching her cheek. She looked at him.

"And one day I can replace all those types of shiny memories with the real thing," he said. She gasped and covered her mouth as he laughed.

"I didn't mean it like that. Although yes those are part of it. But you know, you really are pure. I was right about that," he joked. She was embarrassed and hid her face and he laughed again.

"I'm sorry. I know we're supposed to be serious and I'm ruining it. I'm sorry," he said. Her face was on fire by how red she was.

"I won't let them take you Peeta. I won't let that happen," she said as she buried her face in his neck.

"It won't happen," she suddenly sat up.

"What are we going to do if it does? You come back to me hijacked for a second time," he stopped her.

"Stop thinking like that. It's not going to happen," Peeta reassured her. He wouldn't think about that.

"I was so stupid last time," she scoffed. "You should have heard my thoughts when I saw you. It didn't matter what I said, because you would be ecstatic to see me. That you'd kiss me, and they'd feel like the kisses on the beach. I was giddy that I could finally let myself think of that. I was upset that my face wasn't the first one that you saw. I was an idiot because I thought you were running to hug me. I held out my arms for you…and Snow made you want to kill me. I was so stupid for letting my guard down," she cried.

It broke his heart to hear her say that. She was finally going to admit how she felt. She chose him. She thought of nothing but him. And all he could do was try to strangle her. He gulped and turned to her.

"You weren't stupid Katniss. Please don't think that." he choked out. He wiped away a few tears from his own face. When he started getting his memories back, it started hurting him, how he strangled her. How he almost killed her. He knew that if he had succeeded, he would have killed himself. That pain would be too great. Too unimaginable.

"I'm so sorry for what you went through. I'm sorry that I couldn't have been what you wanted in that moment. That I couldn't give you the reunion you wanted. The one that I wanted. Because it was the only thing that got me through being tortured. I dreamt of the moment I would see you again. Everything you wanted, I wanted to. So badly," She was looking off to the side. More tears fell. He was afraid that she'd start going back into her shell.

He turned her head to looked at him. "I know things get so scary most of the time. But I need you, ok. So, please don't feel stupid or regret how you feel. Because I won't go away this time. I'll be ok. I promise you. Just please don't shut down on me again and stop caring for me." he choked out. She shook her head and pulled back.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen. I won't stop Peeta. I promise." she said and leaned in and kissed him right on the lips. Hard! She crawled into his lap and wrapped her legs around his waist. He was stunned! This was the first kiss that they've shared since they came back from the Games. He had given her small kisses her and there. Chaste kisses. But this was the first passionate one. And what a kiss it was!

To have the girl of your dreams, straddling your lap and kissing you, pressing her tongue into your mouth, probably has to be the hottest moment of his entire existence. He felt her hands tangled in his hair, scraping against his scalp. He clawed up and down her back until he to tangled his own hands in her hair. She rubbed her body just right against his body, and he instantly felt himself get hard. He groaned into her mouth as he wrapped his arms around her tightly and ground her body against his. He felt her gasp as she looked down. She looked back up at him, breathless.

"Did I hurt you?" she whispered breathless. He loosened his grip on her. And she looked back down, and then back at up again.

"Are you ok?" she asked. He looked down and could see the huge bulge in his pants. He looked back up at her and realized that she had no idea why he was hard. She had no idea what was happening.

"Um..." he stuttered and kind of laughed. He helped her off his lap. "I'm fine I swear. Just give me a minute, will you?" he asked.

She nodded her head as she pulled her knees up to her chest, staring at him oddly. He practically ran into the bathroom and shut the door. He placed his hands on the sink and just tried to take a few deep breaths.

He looked into the mirror. Seriously! Now was not the time to get all hot and heavy with Katniss. They were just starting to talk about what happened when he was hijacked. It was something she never wanted to talk about. And here she was kissing him, getting him totally hot, and then is shocked that it happened. That was totally confusing.

Did she really not know what had just happened? That was impossible. All teenagers their age knew that turning a guy on can get him hard. But maybe she didn't know. He knew Katniss' class schedule since they started school. He knew that she didn't have to take their Sex Ed class. If your parents signed something, you didn't have to, as long they took it upon themselves to teach you. But maybe Katniss' mother didn't tell her.

He turned the water on and splashed cold water on his face. He held his hand under the water for a moment, and then unzipped his pants and stuck his freezing cold hand into his boxers, hissing as cold hand touched his hardness. He waited for a minute and felt himself softening. He let out a sigh of relief.

"Get ahold of yourself," he whispered. He zipped his pants back up and washed his hands. He came back out and saw that Katniss was still there. He sat back down on the couch. "I'm sorry," he said.

"Are you ok?" she asked. Her face worried with concern. He smiled at her. She definitely had no idea what had just happened. She really was pure. He reached his left hand across him and touched her cheek.

"I'm fine I promise. Don't worry about it," he said, leaning in and kissed her. He pulled back to look into her eyes and brushed his thumb across her cheek. "Where were we?" he asked.

"Do you mean kissing or talking?" she asked, and blushed. He laughed and leaned in and kissed her on the lips.

"Both. Either one. Although as much as I'd rather keep kissing you, because trust me, that's all I want to keep doing, I don't know if that's such a great idea," he said. The way she furrowed her eyebrows almost made him laugh. Like she was disappointed

"Why not?" she asked. He sat back a little, so he wasn't leaning over to her, but so his back was against the couch.

"I just think that we really should take advantage of this time, and just completely talk. Get it all out there. So, you and I can start moving on from this," he said, looking at her.

"Why don't I make us some more hot chocolate and bring out some cookies I made," he offered. She smiled at him and nodded her head. He nodded his head and leaned in and kissed her gently. It only took him a few minutes, before he was sitting back next to her again. They ate their cookies and drank their hot chocolate in silence.

"I'm sorry for upsetting you," she whispered. He looked over at her.

"What?" he asked her. She looked like she was forcing herself not to cry.

"When you said, don't stop caring for you. I won't, ok? I'm sorry if I make you feel like I do. I know that I prove to you all the time that I can stop. But I never really do. So, I'm sorry." she whispered. He placed his mug on the coffee table, and then took hers and did the same.

"Come here," he said. She just stared at him. "Come back here," he told her, pulled her back closer to him, and she crawled back into his lap. Wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face back in the crook of his neck.

"I'm not going anywhere Katniss. I know we've had a hard two years. And it's never getting any easier...But I won't make it without you. I'm not whole without you," he whispered into her hair.

"I'm so broken Peeta," she said. He pulled her away from him so she could see his face. He put both hands on her cheeks.

"I'm broken to. I'll need some help putting the pieces back together," he whispered. They both had tears in their eyes. "And if you want Katniss...I can help you put the pieces back for you to," he said. She closed her eyes and let out a sob.

"You just have to let me. I promise. You're not as broken as you think you are," he told her, and she hugged him tightly.

"I feel like I am," she whispered.

"I know you do. And you will for a while. But I promise. One day you'll look back, and realized we put some pieces back together. And it will get easier. I'm here. And I promise my mind will always stay clear. They won't hurt me. I'll always be here for you Katniss," Peeta promised.

"Always," she whispered. She nodded, but then she picked her head up again and kissed him. He knew where this was going but he couldn't help it.

"I'm right here. Always. I'll stay with you always. Always Katniss," he whispered in between kisses. "Let me change one of those bad memories," he whispered.

And just like that, things started to heat up again with their kisses. He picked her up and laid her on the couch. Her legs that were straddling him, were now wrapped around his waist, and he was laying on top of her. He moved down to her jaw, and then down to her neck, biting and licking near her ear. Katniss moaned at the sensation, and he smiled. One hand intertwined with hers, the other down at her waist, gripping her hip. Then he went down a little and started sucking and biting at her collarbone.

They had never kissed like this before. They had never been in this position before, with him on top of her and her legs wrapped around his waist. But this was exactly what he wanted. All he wanted to do was kiss her senseless. He said so the morning of the Reaping, when he had to leave her, that he wanted her all to himself, to finish exactly where they left off. He already told her one night while they were in bed above the Training Center, that he wanted to kiss her everywhere. But God. He knew that if he did that, he would want to take their clothes off. He wanted to make love to Katniss, right here, and right now. But he couldn't. She was just too fragile. They hadn't even said they were boyfriend and girlfriend. Hadn't even said they were together. They hadn't flat out said, I love you. No, he needed to stop this before it went too far.

But he couldn't stop. None of their kisses had been this intense. They started to on the beach when she admitted that she needed him. But this…this was incredible. Their tongues dancing with each other.

He groaned and slowly pulled himself away but couldn't make himself get off of her.

"What?" she whispered, breathless. He stared at her. Her lips were swollen and red, and her skin was flushed. God, she looked so beautiful.

"We just um...we should just slow down," he whispered. No conviction in his voice.

"I thought you said when we got back, you would kiss me everywhere and never stop," she said, smiling at him. He closed his eyes and groaned. He let his head fall on the pillow where Katniss' had her head on and kissed her ear.

"You know that's all I think about. That's all I want to do right now is kiss every single inch of your body," he said. He felt her shiver, and she hugged him tighter. She turned her head slightly to try and look at him.

"Then why are you stopping?" she shakily whispered. He leaned in and kissed her on the lips. But then sat up and sat back against the couch, scrubbing his face with his hands. She sat up with him, adjusting her clothes.

"I want nothing more than to kiss every inch of your body right now. But that would mean taking off all your clothes, and I wouldn't be able to just stop with kissing you," he said. He looked over at her, and her eyes widened a bit, and he could see the deep red blush in her cheeks. He picked her hand up, and brought it to his lips, kissing the top of her hand and then rubbing it between his.

"And I don't think that we're ready to take that next step just yet," he told her softly. She looked down, slightly embarrassed.

"Trust me Katniss, I want nothing more than to take you upstairs and make love to you all night long," he admitted. Her eyes widened further as she looked up. Her whole face was red. He wondered if she actually knew what making love entailed. He was sure she knew what it meant, but he wondered if she understood exactly what would happen. He wanted her to be prepared for that. And he didn't think she was. He didn't want to take advantage of her. He wanted her to be the one to say she was ready.

"But we need to take our relationship slow. It's fragile right now. Really fragile. And adding sex into it right now...it would be too much for us. You know what I mean?" he asked her. She nodded her head, and he pulled her close. He looked down at his pants and saw the bulge again, but she hadn't. He could just wait a few minutes, and hopefully it would go down again. He kissed her forehead.

"I'm thinking we should stick to talking for now," he joked. She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. He wanted her more comfortable, so he picked up her legs and draped them across his lap. Hopefully, she still wouldn't notice how hard he was.

"You want to know what my father said to me don't you?" she whispered. He gulped and nodded his head. She looked around.

"I understand if you're not ready to do that yet," he told her, running the back of his finger down her cheek. She looked back over at him.

"Can we go to the woods?" she asked. He furrowed his eyebrows at her. "I want to bring you to the lake. I want to tell you there," she said. He nodded his head.

"It's still dark out though. It will be for a while. It's only about 1:00 in the morning," he told her. She nodded her head.

"Can you get Haymitch to get them to turn the cameras off by the fence?" she asked. He nodded his head at her. "I have to change." she told him.

She took her feet off his lap and stood up. They walked to the door and walked outside. He could see Haymitch's light on. Katniss walked into her house, and he walked over to Haymitch's house and walked in. He was sitting in the living room drinking and was startled by Peeta as he came in and sat down.

"Where's the girl? I thought you were making her stay with you tonight?" Haymitch asked. Peeta leaned his back against the couch.

"She's in her house changing her clothes. She wants to go to the lake in the woods," Peeta said. Haymitch's face was priceless as he looked out the window. He thought she was crazy.

"It's dark outside," Haymitch said. Peeta knew how he felt. He did not want to walk in the woods for a few hours, in the dark. It would remind him about where he was just a month ago. Was it seriously just a month ago that he was in the Hunger Games again? Haymitch shook his head.

"I'm too old for that nonsense," he said as he took a swig from his bottle. Peeta chuckled at him.

"Can you make the cameras go down in front of the fence so we can leave and come back?" he asked. Haymitch rolled his eyes, and walked over to Peeta, picking up his left hand and moving his fingers on Peeta's watch, and pressing down. "What did you just do?" he asked.

"Did Haymitch just teach you that?" a voice asked. Peeta jumped when he looked down at his wrist. The voice was coming down from his watch. Haymitch laughed.

"Yeah, I did Boggs. Turn the cameras off in front of the fence. They're going into the woods. When they're coming back, Peeta will know how to call you," Haymitch said. Peeta's eyes widened. Boggs? He was in District 13, and he was talking to Peeta. "What are you even doing in there?" Haymitch asked. He heard Boggs chuckle.

"I had the night off. Wanted to get in here and see how she was doing. I heard she's having a hard time," Boggs said. Peeta smiled sadly. "I just wanted to check in and see how she's doing,"

"She's just struggling right now. It's just gonna take a while," Peeta said.

"It's good to hear your voice. I don't believe we've ever had a chance to really talk. At least not the real you," he said. Peeta put his head down.

"I won't be in here much longer. Tell Katniss that I said hello. And that I'm looking forward to seeing her again. Seeing all of you," he said kindly. Peeta gulped.

"I will," Peeta said quietly. He knew that Boggs wanted Katniss to kill him. It was hard knowing that. But he knew that he only thought that because it was in Katniss' best interest. And that Peeta was dangerous. Haymitch sat back down.

"When you get near the fence when you're coming back, press down where I showed you. You'll be able to talk directly to them," Haymitch said. Peeta nodded and leaned back again. "So. Did that little plan of yours work? Is the girl all healed?" he asked. Peeta shook his head.

"That will take a long time Haymitch. You as well as anyone knows that" Peeta said sadly. Haymitch nodded his head.

"But she told me a lot. She can't just talk about it all at once. But it's a start," he said.

"Did she talk about when she came home?" he asked. Peeta shook his head.

"She didn't talk about it. You gave me more details about what she was like. But she didn't want to talk about that," Peeta said and scrubbed his face.

"You look like you could use some sleep. Not a three-mile trek in the woods," Haymitch said. Peeta chuckled.

"I know. That's how I feel. I just feel beat up...but she wants to tell me what her father said to her," Peeta said, looking at Haymitch. "And she wants to tell me at the lake. So, I'll do whatever she wants me to," Peeta said. Haymitch nodded his head.

"Well, I can't send you a parachute with food in it to the woods. So, pack something yourself," he said. Peeta chuckled and stood up. Haymitch stood up with him and stood in front of the door. Haymitch wanted to say something, but he started getting choked up.

"I tried my hardest to keep her alive," he said. This was hard for Haymitch.

"For almost two years I kept her alive. And I couldn't once we got home. I'm...I'm sorry Peeta," he whispered. He scrubbed his face with his hands. "I'm sorry I couldn't keep her alive for you till you got home. I tried so hard," he whispered, on the verge of tears. Peeta reached forward and hugged Haymitch.

"You're an amazing father to both Katniss and I Haymitch. And we both know that you've gone above and beyond the call of duty as a mentor. We both love you Haymitch. And you've never let us down. Thank you," he whispered. Haymitch nodded and then pushed him away.

"Get out of here already boy," Haymitch said. Peeta chuckled, and he saw Haymitch wipe away a tear on his face as he turned.

He walked back into his house and took Haymitch's advice. He started working in the kitchen to make them food to bring up to the lake. After a few minutes, he heard Katniss clear her throat. He wasn't surprised he didn't hear her come in. She was a hunter after all. He turned and smiled. She was wearing her hunting boots, and her father's hunting jacket.

"I'm just making us some food. We can have a picnic up there," he said. She smiled and nodded her head as she walked closer to the counter to look down and see what he had, and she chuckled at him as he started piling it all together and started getting out plates and silver ware. He looked over and saw Katniss' odd expression.

"What?" he asked. He looked at the pile. "Is this too much?" he asked as she laughed.

"I wasn't even thinking of food. I'm just used to going out there and killing whatever I need to eat," she said. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, if you see a squirrel, I wouldn't mind you shooting one for me," he said, smiling at her. He pulled out a bag that he could strap on his back and piled it all up. He noticed that Katniss had her game bag. So, she would be hunting on their trip. He like that.

"Are the cameras down?" she asked. He smiled at her as he grabbed a blanket to put in the bag and nodded his head.

"Grab some swimming trunks. We can swim at the lake," she told him. He nodded and ran upstairs as he grabbed his shorts, and then grabbed two towels. He ran back down the stairs and put the shorts and towels in his bag.

"Do we need anything else?" he asked.

"No, I think we're good. Unless you want your sketchbook," she said. His eyes widened and he ran down the hall and grabbed his sketchbook and his pencils. Katniss was standing by the door with her arms crossed and her a bemused expression. He tried packing it in his bag and she just laughed.

"Take it all out and pack the blanket and towels at the bottom," she said, trying not to laugh at him for bringing so much stuff. "Is all that gonna be too heavy for you to carry?" she asked. He shook his head and laughed.

"No, it will be fine. Come on," he said. They walked towards the door when Katniss stopped, and pulled something out for Peeta and handed it to him. "What's this?" he asked.

"It's a flashlight. I have one to. They're really bright. And I have some extra batteries. I know you hate the woods. And I know in the dark it can get really creepy," she said, showing him how to turn it on. He was amazed that she knew his hesitance about the woods.

They walked through the town, in the dark. It seemed the only time that he and Katniss could ever walk together in District 12, was in the dark so no one would see. Katniss guided them around the town like an expert. She was used to sneaking around the District. She led him to the break in the fence and crawled under it, with Peeta following.

Peeta had never been beyond the fence before. It kind of felt weird to him as he looked back at the meadow. He turned on his flashlight and followed her as she bent down and grabbed her bow and arrows from their hiding spot in trees and under rocks. He was amazed by her. This was her domain.

They had talked so much about her life out here in the woods, but he had never once been out here with her. He was surprised that she didn't load an arrow, ready to shoot at a moment's notice. But instead, she held out the flashlight, and he walked closely behind.

"How did you know I don't like the woods?" Peeta asked. Katniss looked behind her at him. He couldn't see her face to well, without shining the light right on her. She turned back and kept walking.

"Sometimes you talk in your sleep," she said. He walked a little faster so he could walk next to her and see her face.

"When have you heard me do that?" he asked.

"When we were on the train. And in the Training Center. And in the cave. You talk sometimes in your sleep. I didn't think anything of it when you were sick in the cave. But when we were sleeping on the train during the Victory Tour, you talked a few times," she said. Peeta groaned. He hoped he hadn't said anything to embarrassing.

"Did I say anything really bad?" Peeta asked. Katniss chuckled and shook her head.

"No nothing bad. I could just tell, aside from when you were sick, when you would talk, it was when you were sleeping well. Almost like a deep sleep. You didn't do it when you got better in the arena, or in the Quell. But you mainly would just whisper my name. But you must have been arguing with someone in your dreams a few times. I kinda thought it was me. Because you just got this real frustrated look on your face and gritted through your teeth saying, I hate the woods," Katniss joked, chuckling.

"Really?" he laughed. Her shoulder shook a little and she smiled and nodded her head. They walked for a few minutes, and she got real serious after that.

"But I could just tell you didn't like it. You had never stepped foot into the woods until the arena. And then the jungle. You're not comfortable out here," she said. He nodded his head.

"I really do hate the woods," he said. He could tell she looked back at him as he fell behind her again. "But these woods are different. And there aren't any cameras on us, watching us and waiting to send a mutt after us," Peeta said bitterly.

They had walked for a few hours. Only stopping a few times to sit down. Peeta knew that Katniss didn't need to rest. She was sitting for him. He didn't like being in the woods, and having it be so dark out, with only a flashlight. He tried to act like it didn't bother him, but he couldn't help but jump at every noise. It was different for her. She knew there wasn't anything to be afraid of in these woods. Because these were her woods. He was actually proud by the difference in her attitude out here.

He did wonder what the sudden change was by the woods. He knew from Haymitch, that she hadn't done much hunting in the time since they've been back. When she was with Gale, she sat on a log and didn't really want to talk to him. She had fallen asleep and woke up, thinking she was in the arena. And when she would come out here every morning with Gale's little brother Rory, that she would check all the traps Gale had, and do a little hunting, but never ventured farther then the tree line. She had even blacked out for an hour, making Rory late for school one time, not even realizing that she had done it.

But she was different right now. She was patient with him, and she was calm and sure of herself, and where she was going. He hadn't even realized that they had gotten to the cabin, until she stopped and shined her light on it. She moved the light over, showing him the lake. He didn't need the flashlight though. The moon was shining down on, making it glow almost. It looked beautiful at night.

"We can go inside and light a fire. Just to give us some light and give the flashlights a rest," Katniss said.

"Sounds good. I didn't bring any matches though," he said. She walked over to the cabin and opened the door.

"It's fine. I have some in here. Just hold your light on me so I can see what I'm doing," she said. He did as he was told, as he watched her grab some cut up logs and throw them in the fireplace, and then place a match in there. After a few minutes, the cabin was lit by the fire. They turned their flashlights off, and he was able to look around. It was different from any cabin he had seen before. And he wondered who was able to come all the way out here and build it.

"My dad says it was built before the Dark Days," Katniss suddenly said, as though reading his mind. "My dad used to say that he bet there were places like this all over Panem. Cabins and other buildings, that weren't torn down. He said there would be a day where Panem was free, and people would be able to explore and find other cabins like this," Katniss said.

"Well, your dad sounds like he's always been right," Peeta said. Katniss looked at him. She looked back down at her feet. Peeta was feeling hot from the fireplace. He walked over and opened one of the windows. Katniss helped him with the other side of the cabin. It was cool outside, no need for a fire. Only to give them some light.

"Are you hungry?" he asked. Katniss nodded and he started pulling out the food. She took the blanket and set it down on the floor by the wall, and he handed her a sandwich. He sat down, with her right next to him, and they ate their sandwiches in silence, drinking some water.

"This cabin is nice. I can see why you love it so much," Peeta said. Katniss nodded again. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and she rested her head on his chest. "So. Why don't you tell me what happened when you saw your father," he told her.

"Let's go sit outside," she said. He nodded and stood up, carrying the blanket. She led him over to a log and he put the blanket down. They sat down again, looking out at the lake, leaning against the log. He wrapped his arm around her again and she snuggled up to him. He waited for a moment until she started talking.

"When I woke up, we were in the woods," she started. He wasn't surprised. That's where he met her father.

"He knew exactly what I was thinking. Right when I saw him, I hugged him. He always made me feel so safe. Everything bad that ever happened flashed through my mind. And then everything was about you. How much guilt I felt for everything. And he knew what I was thinking. He told me he wasn't the only person who made me feel safe," she whispered. He knew she was starting to cry.

"He sat me down right here," she whispered, wiping at her face. "He sat me down right on this log, so I could see the lake," she said. Now he understood why she wanted to come out here. This would be her last memory of him. In this very spot. They may not have physically been here, but right here, is the last time she spoke to her father.

"He said he was proud of the woman that I became," she said sadly. Peeta could tell by the way she said it, she didn't believe it. She sniffed and wiped her nose. "He was proud of the way that I stepped up and took care of Prim and my mother," she said bitterly.

"You really did though Katniss. Not many kids your age could have done what you did. Not in the Seam. Not in District 12," Peeta told her. It was the truth. No one went beyond the fence, so no one in District 12 knew how to hunt. But her father taught her how to hunt. Hunting was the one thing that made Katniss strong. That made her a survivor. He felt her hug him tightly.

"He said that it wasn't my fault that he died in the explosion," she whispered. He wondered if she blamed herself for that. Maybe somewhere in her mind, she did blame herself for that. "He told me that he led me to you that day in the rain," she whispered. That made him look down at her, but he couldn't see her face. It was buried in his chest.

"The day I gave up all hope. I was going to die, my sister and mother were going to die, and it was all my fault. I knew I was going to die by that tree," Katniss cried softly. That made his body freeze up a little. She was feeling that all the way back then? She wanted to die even that young? Well, why not? The only person who ever made her feel safe, was taken from her. Leaving her the responsible adult when she wasn't the adult. She was just a kid.

"He said all these things, that he led me to you, because you would give me my hope back. You would throw me the bread, and I would find that dandelion the next day, and it would give me the strength to keep going. He led me to you, because he used to see how you would look at me, even as a little kid. He always knew you cared for me," she said. It made him smile.

Dandelions. He remembered her picking one up. He didn't realize it was significant for her. He had a thought somewhere in the back of his mind that he would give her dandelions one day, because they always reminded him of her because he watched her pick it up. That touched him.

"But I knew everything was my fault. Every bad thing that had ever happened to us. And that I couldn't face you. And I wasted so much time without really being with you," she said. He kissed her forehead.

"And what did he say to all that?" he asked her softly.

"He tried to tell me that I was only 11 years old. I was only a kid, and it wasn't my fault that I didn't know my feelings then. Only you could know you were in love when you were 5, because you're a rare type of human being," she whispered. Peeta chuckled. He realized the second that he saw her, he was a goner.

"He also said he led me to Gale. You gave me hope, but I needed the skills, and a friend in the woods. He pointed out that all Gale ever was to me was a friend. A brother," she said. That made him smile even bigger. Gale was never meant to be more than a friend.

"He told me I was like my mother. With my depression and the way she checked out after he died. He said I basically did the same thing. And I still would have done it, even if Prim hadn't died. I would have Prim and Gale by my side...but once you came back, and you really weren't the same, it would have just kept eating away at me, and I would have still ended up with my dad," she said sadly. That's an awful thing to be told. So had Prim lived, it would have only prolonged Katniss, basically killing herself. She still would have done it because he wasn't the same person anymore. That made his heart just hurt.

"He told me to believe in Haymitch. To trust him and listen to him. To not get angry when he doesn't tell me things, because he trusts Haymitch. And he's glad that he's stepped into my dad's place to be a father for me." she said. That was amazing. Her father, was happy about Haymitch? That was almost comical.

"Gosh. What did you say to that?" Peeta asked, curious.

"I called him a drunk," Katniss said, making Peeta laugh. "But he said he's never drunk enough to protect me. So, trust him blindly." she said. Peeta vaguely remembered her saying that.

"He told me to forgive my mother," she said softly. That was good. Katniss had many people to forgive. There were some people that Katniss never would forgive in her life. The same with Peeta. Because how can they forgive Snow and Coin? She'd have to learn to live with that past. But forgiving them was impossible. But some things, Katniss not only had to learn to live with, and accept in the past, but she also had to forgive. And her mother was one of those people.

"Then he told me to let Prim grow up. To trust her with my secrets. That she can handle the truth about what happens behind her back," she said.

"I think that's a great one. I know it's hard for you to let her grow up. You always feel like you need to protect her and take care of her. But it's ok to let her take care of you sometimes. And it's ok to be honest with everything," he told her.

"He told me to let Gale down easy and to stop being so angry with him," she said. He chuckled.

"You could work on that with Gale. I know you've been trusting Haymitch better. Which is great to not hear so much fighting," he joked. She huffed.

"And I think in just a month, you've been trying to forgive your mom, and trust Prim a little more. Those are all great Katniss. But forgiving Gale is not something you've done well on. He didn't kill Prim. We all know that. I can only imagine the guilt he has to feel about Prim," Peeta said. Katniss remained silent after that, so he figured he'd have to talk a little. "What else did he say Katniss?" he asked her. She still was quiet, and he felt her crying.

"Yours is the hardest," she cried into his chest. "He told me to love you," she cried. She started shaking her head.

"If I lose you again Peeta, after I admit how I feel... I won't ever be the same. I'll kill myself and make sure my father doesn't send me back. I'll keep on killing myself so he can't send me back. I can't just sit here and let myself feel how I want to about you. I lost you once already," She sobbed. Hearing those words made his body turn to ice. He made her look up at him, holding her face in his hands.

"Katniss please don't say that. Please don't ever do that again. I need you. And I love you too much to ever let anything bad happen to you again. They're working on a plan to make sure that I get out of the arena this time. And they're even working on a plan to get me out of the Capitol if I do get captured. They have tons of back up plans in effect. I won't be hijacked again. I promise you Katniss. Please don't ever kill yourself again. I can't handle that," he told her. She shook her head.

"He told me to have faith. That the 75th will be the last Games. But that doesn't mean I won't lose you Peeta," she cried. She tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let her go. She didn't promise him. And that was what scared him.

"He told you that it will be the last Games. That's a good thing Katniss. Please just have faith that everything we're doing will work out. The rebels won't let me be hijacked again. Trust your dad that he wouldn't give you this second chance, if I was gonna get hurt again," he told her. She wrapped her arms around in his neck.

"I'm scared Peeta," she whispered in his ear.

"I know you are. But we'll be ok. I promise Katniss," he whispered. She remained silent for a few minutes. "Did he say anything else?" he asked. She shook her head.

He figured there was more that her father had said to her. But he figured he would let her tell him the rest later. But he just felt that Katniss would tell him another time. He did what he had set out to do. They talked. There was more to say about what had happened between them. But they had gotten through some rough patches. There was a long ways to go. But they had time.

They sat against the log with his arm around her shoulder and her head laying back. He kissed the top of her head. "I can't believe how much you've talked to me. You shared so much of you...Katniss I've never felt closer to you," he told her. She looked up at him, and he kissed her lips.

"I know how hard this was for you. Not just tonight, but since we've been back, to tell me these things...I love that you trust me enough with your feelings and your deepest thoughts," he said. It sounded so incredibly corny for him to say that. He knew how it sounded. And his brothers would rag on him mercilessly if they heard what he had said, but he didn't care. She trusted him, more than anyone in the world. Katniss looked back at the water.

"What does it mean now. Since I already told you too much," she said softly. He rubbed her arm up and down and kissed the side of her head.

"It means anything we want it to mean. We go where we want to. Our relationship is ours, and no one can dictate how it goes. What we do next is up to us," he said. Katniss snorted and looked back at him. He saw the tears in her eyes.

"We're not supposed to be around each other for five more months. Snow is demanding we be together. I'm supposed to be pretending that I want nothing to do with you and that I love Gale," she said. She looked back at the water.

"It's not up to us. We have no control over our relationship," she cried. He picked up his right hand, that wasn't wrapped around her, and reached across her to her left cheek, pulling her face towards him.

"That's where you're wrong. We have to be careful about seeing each other, and not being seen or heard. And we'll have to play it up for the cameras and exaggerate how we feel. And we'll have to be careful about how we interact. But how we feel is up to us. We are in control of that. We're in control about if we love each other or not. And once this is all over Katniss, we'll be able to do what we want. Once this stupid war is over, we can walk through District 12 hand and hand if we want to. We can just walk next to each other, right out in the open, and it won't matter. We can move in together. We can do whatever we want. But right now, how we feel is up to us. And Snow can't take that away from us. It's ours Katniss. Whatever we make of this relationship. Right here and now, it's up to us," Peeta told her.

"I'm scared," she whispered. He nodded.

"Tell me then. What exactly is scaring you?" he asked gently. He must have surprised her. She didn't know how to answer that. He knew that she hated admitting things like this. But he could see how hard she was trying to let him in.

"I'm scared of moving forward with you," she answered honestly, turning her head slightly to look away. Peeta wiped a tear away with his thumb. "I don't know how to be in love. I don't know how to love someone back. And I don't know how to be in a relationship," she whispered. He could tell she was embarrassed by what she was admitting.

"We can take this slow Katniss. I'm not forcing you to marry me right now and start cleaning my house and making me dinner," he joked. It made her laugh and she looked at him again. He smiled and kissed her softly on the lips, wiping more tears that fell down her face. "I like hearing you laugh. You don't do it often enough," he said, stroking her cheek.

"This is about us, and what we want to do. We can take it slow. Steal moments when Haymitch will let us, and just be together. We don't have to be anything for anyone, but ourselves. We can take it slow and be friends, go on a date-"

"How can we go on a date?" Katniss interrupted him. He looked at her and thought about this.

"Well...the only place we can go out on a date right now, is to here," he said, looking out at the lake. "I can make it a date. We'll plan it. Before it gets too cold. I'll plan a whole date for us. We'll stay here the entire day, and I can turn it into a really romantic date," he told her, looking back at her. She smirked at him, and then looked back at the lake. They sat there for a few minutes in silence.

"I don't want to just be friends with you," she said softly. He looked at her, and she slowly turned her head to look at him. "I mean, we've been through too much to call ourselves friends. And my friends don't kiss me," she said, smirking a little. His smile widened, and her held her cheek in his palm again.

"Well, I hope you don't let your friends kiss you like this," he said, and leaned in and started kissing her.

Licking her lips with his tongue. He heard her moan, and he took that moment to slip his tongue into her mouth. He would never tire of kissing her. Of letting their tongues glide against each other. They hadn't kissed like this until they came back here. The morning the second time they were reaped for the 74th Games. This type of intimate kissing was for them. Exploring each other's mouths.

Somehow, Katniss ended up in his lap again and their kisses became more urgent. Her hands were tangled in his hair, practically pulling his hair. His hands traveled all over. Getting tangled in her hair, touching her face and neck, clawing up and down her back, or gripping her hips. He needed to take a breath, so he used that moment to trail kisses along her jaw line, and down her neck. He remembered this time around in the cave, Katniss started kissing his neck. It was the hottest moment of his life. He didn't realize what Katniss kissing his neck and biting his ear would do to him. But he really wanted to do it to her.

He licked and sucked on the hollow of her throat, causing her to groan. He wondered if she could feel his smile on her neck. He didn't let up though. He kissed across her neck, biting, and sucking and kissing every inch that he could. He reached her ear, and gently bit it, causing her to gasp. He sucked on her ear lobe, and she ground her body onto his, squeezing around his neck. He hadn't realized she moved so she wrapped her arms around him. He felt her shudder as he blew on her ear. He pulled back from her and looked at her.

"Does anyone kiss you like that Katniss Everdeen?" he whispered huskily to her. She rested her forehead against his and chuckled.

"No one has ever kissed me like that before," she said, hugging herself closer to him. He kissed her lips softly.

"I want to keep on kissing you like that forever," he whispered.

"Then what's stopping you?" she asked. She leaned down and started kissing him again. This time, he wrapped his arms around her waist, and turned her around, so she was laying on the ground, and he was laying on top of her. She yelped in surprise, and he brushed the hair away from her face.

"Nothing at all. It's just us out here. No cameras, no one. Just us. And I can finally kiss you the way I've dreamt for years," he said, and dipped his head down to capture her lips again.

This was exactly what he had been dreaming of. Being able to kiss her like this. These kisses were for them, and only them. His hands roamed down the side of her rib cage, to her hips. Or down the length of her arm to her hands, to intertwine their hands together. He was actually making out with Katniss Everdeen. It had been a fantasy since he found out was kissing was. And he loved her. He loved making out with her; even though making out sounded so immature. But they never had a moment to be teenagers, and to be teenagers making out.

He couldn't stop kissing her if he tried. Scraping his teeth along her neck and licking it. He sucked gently behind her ear, where she loved, and she moaned. He figured out a few things about her already. And God to hear her moan. It was the most erotic sound he had ever heard. And he was causing it. "Katniss," he whispered into her ear, and she whimpered.

"God Peeta what are you doing to me?" she whispered huskily. Well, more like whimpered. He pulled his head back and looked at her.

"Does it feel good?" he asked. Her breathing was heavy as she nodded. He smiled. "Then I must be doing something right," he said, and captured her lips with his again. This was the sort of thing they should be doing. Making out like normal teenagers. This was normal to kiss the girl he loves so passionately that he just can't stop.

"I don't ever want to stop kissing you," he whispered, kissing all over her face. She was gasping for breath. He shifted his weight, and could feel that all this kissing, was getting him aroused again. He couldn't let things get to far between him and Katniss. They needed to take things slow, and he didn't need to scare her off. He took his weight off of her and shifted to the side of her. He still had his arm thrown around her, holding her hand, and still kept giving her lazy kisses all over her face, but at least we wasn't pressing his hard-on against her. He just needed to slow it down.

"Why'd you move?" she asked. He smiled into her neck. He lifted his face so he could see her eyes and smiled at her.

"I could keep on kissing you and kissing you. But we probably should slow it down. We haven't even been on our first date yet," he said. She laughed softly and turned her face to look at the sky.

"I love that sound," he said. She turned back to look at him and smiled.

"You want to go in the lake?" she asked. He smiled.

"Absolutely," he said. She sat up and started taking off her boots. "You want to go change in the cabin first?" he asked. She shook her head.

"You go. I have my bathing suit on under my clothes," she told him, throwing her boot to the side, and working on the other one. He nodded and walked back into the cabin. He changed quickly and walked back out. Katniss wasn't sitting on the blanket.

"I'm already in," he heard her say, and he turned his head, to see her in the middle of the lake. He started walking out, and feeling the water get higher and higher on him.

"Am I gonna be able to make it to you?" he asked as the water reached his chest. But he got no answer. He started looking around.

"Katniss?" he asked. He turned again. "Katniss?" he called out, a bit louder this time.

He spun around looking for her. What if she was hurt under the water. He couldn't see her, and he didn't know how to swim. He couldn't even get someone to help her. He'd never find his way back. Katniss appeared in front of him, and he jumped back and screamed. He slipped and went down into a deep end in the water, and he felt Katniss pull him up.

"Peeta are you ok?" she asked frantically. He coughed up some water as she held on tight to him.

"I didn't mean to scare you. I was just swimming to you. Are you ok?" she asked, brushing his hair back. It felt nice to be looked after again. He nodded his head and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"There's nothing to be sorry for. I feel like an idiot for getting so freaked out," he admitted. She pulled back to look at him. But that was just a trigger for any Victor.

"I'm just going to have to teach you how to swim so you won't be so freaked out," she told him. He looked around.

"Do you think maybe we could hold off on the swim lessons till the sun comes up?" he asked her. She smiled and nodded her head, hugging him again.

Katniss and Peeta stayed in the water for only a few minutes. Both of their eyes were drooping. They were exhausted for sleep. They ended up getting out of the water, and sitting against the logs for a few minutes, before going back in the cabin. Peeta laid the blanket down on the ground and used their towels as pillows. Katniss snuggled up against him. It wasn't a new thing for them to have to sleep on the ground. But for the first time, they didn't have to keep an eye out. They were safe out here and could easily fall asleep.

Peeta was happy, that for the second night in a row, he could be with Katniss again. He loved being able to hold her in his arms. And they both slept soundly for a few hours. He was the one to wake up first, hearing an owl. He forgot where he was. He looked down and saw Katniss and realized for the first time what she was wearing. A teal blue, two-piece bikini. It wasn't skimpy or anything, but he could tell that Cinna made it for her. She was beautiful.

He brushed some hair away from her face. He wanted to remember this moment forever. He always wanted to remember how beautiful she looked, with her head laying on his chest, and her arm wrapped around his waist, and with her legs tangled with his. If only he could draw this moment.

But that would mean moving her to get his sketchbook, and it would wake her up. No, he would have to study every detail of this moment and draw it later. He wanted to have many more of these moments. He was given a second chance and didn't want to take his life for granted. Not that he ever did before, but he didn't realize how he had to cherish every second of his life. He wanted a better relationship for his family. Between him and his father, his brothers, and even his mother. He wanted a life with this girl who was sleeping in his arms. He wanted to wake up next to her, every day, for the rest of his life.

He worried terribly about that. Katniss' father didn't want him to doubt in their love. Sometimes it was scary though because he didn't know what Katniss really wanted. He wanted to try and remember her father's words. But he had to admit, Katniss scared him, that maybe she didn't want what he wanted. When the war was over, and Snow was dead, he wanted to settle down with her. He was ready for that. Heck, he was ready to marry her the second they left the Capitol after their first Games. Of course, that wasn't what she wanted.

But after the war, he wanted to settle down. He wanted them to move in together, and start their lives, together. He wanted to marry her. He wanted to have children with her. He knew how Katniss felt about kids. She had said she didn't want them. She was afraid to fall in love, because if she fell in love, she'd get married. And if she got married, she'd have children. So, would she marry him?

He shook his head. He had over a year before he could even think about that. They hadn't even started the Victory Tour yet. They had to get through these next five months, the Victory Tour, six whole months of torture from the Capitol in District 12, then the weeks before the Games, then the Quell, and then had to get through a stinking war. He groaned a little bit. How was he supposed to wait almost two years before they could come home and settle down?

Settling down sounds so old. They should just be normal teenagers. Not thinking about settling down at 16. But, the Games aged him. They age every child in the arena. Obviously, it's worse for the actual Victors. So yes, he was 16 years old, and he would marry Katniss today and start his life with her. He would even start a family with her right now.

He felt Katniss start to move and watched as she opened her eyes. She must have been a little disorientated because she looked around and then frantically moved her head back and forth and sitting up suddenly.

"Hey, hey, hey Katniss you're safe," Peeta said, grabbing her shoulders. He grabbed her face and made her look at him. "Katniss I'm right here. You're safe. We're in your dads' cabin in the woods. It's ok Katniss," he said. She focused her eyes on him, and her breathing slowed down. He let go of her face, and slowly looked at where she was.

"You ok?" he asked. She nodded her head. He leaned over and grabbed a bottle of water and handed it to her. "Slow sips," he said. She nodded and sipped slowly.

"Better?" he asked. She closed her eyes and let out a deep breath.

"I just forgot where I was," she said. He nodded his head as she started rubbing her neck and moving her head back and forth. "I hate when that happens," she said.

"Does it happen a lot?" he asked her. She stopped rubbing her neck and nodded. "How often?"

"Pretty much every time I wake up," she admitted. That broke his heart. It never used to be that bad for her.

She looked away and made a face and grabbed her neck.

"Slept on your neck wrong?" he asked. She nodded. He sat back against the wall and opened his legs. "Here scoot back. I'll rub your neck for you," he told her. She gave him a nervous look, and he just smiled at her.

"Come on. Like that time on the beach and I rubbed between your shoulders when you were laying down. It will feel much better I promise," he said. She nodded shyly and pulled her hair up to the top of her head and secured it with a hair tie. She scooted over slowly and sat up against him.

"Just relax," he told her, shaking her shoulders a little bit. She nodded her head, and he pulled her closer to him. He told himself to just keep his hands on her neck and shoulders. Keep his hands on her neck and shoulders! They were the two safe zones. Going anywhere else would lead to trouble. He heard her hiss as he started rubbing a large knot in her neck.

"Ouch. That's big. I promise it will feel better though," he told her. She had her eyes closed as she nodded her head. He worked on that knot for a while, until he started rubbing more of her neck. He heard her softly groan at his touch. He dug his fingers into her neck for a while, and then he heard her hiss and he stopped.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked.

"A little. But it felt good. Keep going," she said. He nodded his head, not that she could see him, but he continued rubbing her neck. He heard her chuckle.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"It just doesn't surprise me that your good at this. You've been kneading bread since you were little. You can do anything with your hands. They're like magic," she said. He smiled and could feel himself blush.

"I don't know if I'd say they're like magic," he said.

"God I would. That feels so good," she moaned out. God! She had no idea the effect she had on him. The sound she just made sounded so erotic, but she didn't mean for it to. She was pure and innocent, and it was one of the many things that he loved about her. He continued his massage on her neck for at least 30 minutes, with the only sounds, coming from Katniss. Either hissing, which he preferred because it wasn't erotic, or her moaning and groaning.

"Feeling any better?" he asked softly, leaning forward to whisper in her ear. He felt her shiver and turned her head to look at him. Her eyes were cloudy. Was it lust? He didn't know. But he had to kiss her.

So, he leaned forward, and softly kissed her lips. She was on fire. He pulled her face towards him, making her turn her body a little bit to kiss her deeper. Then pulled her closer to him, so she was laying on top of him. This amazing girl, was on top of him, kissing him, and she was wearing nothing but a two-piece bathing suit, and him in only shorts. They had never kissed with practically no clothes on. Her hands were on his chest, and she must have realized the same thing he did, because she pulled her lips away, and looked down, realizing they were both practically naked and she blushed.

"I um..."she stuttered. He smiled at her.

"It's ok. I really like your hands on my chest," he whispered huskily. She laughed nervously and pulled away more. She must have just realized how very little she was wearing. When it was dark out, it wasn't a big deal. But now that the sun was out, he could tell it made her uncomfortable.

"How about I get something for us to eat. Are you hungry?" he asked her.

"Yeah I am. My clothes are still outside. Let me just go get them," she said, and stood up and walked out of the cabin.

He knew she was uncomfortable. He didn't know exactly what it was. Massaging her neck? Wearing only bathing suits? Being free out here to talk and kiss, with no cameras or microphones? Being so attracted to each other that you could feel the heat between them? He didn't know exactly. He thought it was the fact that they were kissing, and his shirt was off. That had never happened before. Sure, she had touched his chest before. Cleaning him up after she found him in the mud. But this was different. It was more intimate.

He leaned over and grabbed his shirt and threw it on. Intimacy scared Katniss. So, he wanted to try and ease her mind, make her feel more relaxed. He was ready to start a family with her when he was only five years old. She was just starting to let her guard down with Peeta, and to trust him. He had to not push her. Not rush her.

He started pulling out some food when she came back in. She was wearing her long-sleeved shirt, and some shorts. She must have had them on under her jeans, which she carried in her hands, along with her boots and jacket. He spread some food out for her as she sat down with him.

"I don't know how you can be in a long-sleeved shirt. It's so hot outside." he said. She shrugged her shoulders as she bit into a sandwich.

"I always come out here in my father's hunting jacket. And I don't like my scars," she whispered. He looked at her strangely.

"What scars?" he asked. She looked at him. Something widened in her eyes, because she looked down and pulled her sleeve up slightly and ran her finger across an invisible scar. He suddenly realized what she meant. The fire in the Capitol. They had both been left scarred. But when they came back, they didn't have those scars anymore. He gently pulled her wrist to his lips and kissed her where there was supposed to be a scar.

"I forget that they're not there anymore," she whispered. He smiled and nodded his head.

"I know how that feels," he said. She smiled, relieved that he understood what she meant. He let her wrist go as they started eating.

"I was thinking when you come into the woods to hunt, you should hide some stuff in your game bag and bring it up here for when your friends get here from District 8," he told her. She looked around.

"I can leave some stuff out on my porch for you to take. You could have Gale come up here and make some of his traps. And we'll leave instructions on how to use them. And we can bring blankets and pillows. Well, you'd have to make the pillows here. We could bring in stuffing for them, and you'd have to sew it all here. But silverware and stuff. Tons of matches to keep a fire going. Some dishes and pots and pans. You could bring a little bit each day, and in five months they could have a whole house full of food and things for them. Maybe bring an axe and Gale and I can chop some wood for them," he said, helping her make plans.

"When have you had time to think about all this?" she asked. He chuckled.

"You're pretty much all I can ever think about, every day," he said, causing her to blush. "Anything connected to you really. I just try and fill my day with baking and painting," he said.

"Well, you're lucky. You can add gardening and working out to your things to do. All I have is hunting," she said.

"Well, I'll need help with the garden. Me and Prim want to make it really big. And Prim wants you to help her with the chickens," he said. Katniss chuckled and looked at him.

"I can't believe she wanted chickens," Katniss said, smiling. Peeta smiled back at her.

"Well, it was her idea. I could hardly say no when she asked me to help her with that," he said. Katniss nodded her head.

"Prim has that effect on people. It's hard to say no to her," she said softly. Peeta could tell she was getting lost in her thoughts.

"She just has such a kind and gentle heart. She grew up in the past two years. And all she wants to do is help people," Katniss had unshed tears in her eyes.

"It doesn't feel real. That she's alive. I keep thinking I'm gonna wake up, and she's going to be dead," she said sadly. Peeta reached over and held her hand.

"Spending more time with her may help you realize that it is real. She is here. Alive and well. And she's not going anywhere," he said softly. She nodded her head.

"I know I'm just...I'm afraid to get close to her again. I don't want to lose her. Or you," she said. She picked her head up and looked at him.

"I'm afraid of moving forward with you, because the closer I get to you, the more I care for you," she said quietly. He moved the food that was sitting in front of them, and then pulled Katniss forward till she was sitting in his lap and held her face in his hands.

"I know that you're scared. I totally understand why. But your dad gave you this second chance. We're going to make it out of this war in one piece. Prim will be alive, and I won't get my mind taken from me. When you're scared Katniss, I'm right here. I'll help you through everything you're afraid of. You just have to let me in," he said. She didn't say anything, so he continued.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm stronger this time. I won't let anything happen to you or me. You're safe with me Katniss. You can be scared with me because I can help you. I won't let anything bad happen to you again. I'll keep you safe," he said. She leaned forward and hugged him tightly. He could feel her shaking. She turned her head so that her lips were by his ear.

"I want to tell you how I feel Peeta," she whispered. His breathing slowed and he held her tighter.

"I want to say the words. But I am so scared of them. I don't know if I'm ready to say them," she whispered sadly. It made him sad. She shouldn't be afraid to love him. But she was. He understood why. But he wouldn't give up on her. Never. He made her sit up and look at him.

"I'm not going anywhere Katniss Everdeen. I'm still right here and not going anywhere. I'll be here waiting for you. I don't want you to be scared of us or scared of what you feel for me. I want you to be happy when you say those words to me," he said. He knew what she wanted to say. That she loved him. He smiled at her.

"I can wait to hear those words. Just knowing that that's how you feel is enough for me right now. I can keep waiting Katniss," he told her. She hugged him again.

"You shouldn't have to wait," she said.

"But I can. I don't want us to rush into anything. I want you to be ok and happy with where our relationship is. I want you to be sure. And I want you to be happy. I want us to be happy Katniss," he said. They stayed like that for a few minutes, until he heard her stomach growl. She pulled back and looked down, and then looked at each other. He smiled.

"And that was your stomach telling me to feed you," he said, making her laugh. She climbed off of him and sat back down next to him again. He cut an apple and spread the goat cheese on it and handed it to her. He took the other half and did the same thing.

"Prim makes amazing cheese. Much better than the kind we had in the Capitol. It has a taste of home. It doesn't have all these crazy chemicals in it to turn it neon colors," She smiled and nodded. "So, what do you want to do out here? We have the whole day," he asked her.

"I want to swim," she said and looked at him. "All day. It's freeing. And I want to teach you how to really swim," she said. He smiled.

"Then let's do it," When they did go back outside, he had to stop and look around. This was a beautiful lake. He didn't realize how big it was. He hated the woods. He hated it in a way, that he didn't think would ever change, due to being in the Hunger Games three times. But he could appreciate the beautiful setting.

"By the way," Katniss said as she started walking back into the water. "Gale can't come out here to bring anything. I've never showed the cabin to him," Katniss said and dove in. He smiled. This was something in the woods that she only shared with her father. And now, she was sharing something with him. only with him.