Prompt #4: Include a pun in your story today.
Eustace attempts to write to Peter, after his return from the Dawn Treader.
...I just realized that the strike-through isn't supported formatting on this site. Ugh. I'll use underline here (i.e. everything underlined is supposed to be crossed out), and if you want to read it as it should be, you can find it under my penname Sophia_the_Scribe on Archive Of Our Own.
Dear Peter,
High King Peter,
My Lord,
Cousin Peter:
First of all, I'm sorry, I'm not much of a letter-writer, especially when the letter is addressed to a king of whom I am both subject and family. I thought about asking Edmund, but I think this is something I need to do on my own.
I expect Edmund and Lucy told you
I also wanted to apologize for
Second of all, I'm still just sorry—but this time for everything else. I don't quite know how these things work, but if you're once-therefore-always the King of Narnia, am I once-therefore-always a subject of yours? Because if so, I think I've committed treason, with how I've acted. And even if I shouldn't look at that way (Edmund thought it was a legitimate idea, because he after all he was named a traitor to Narnia before being necessarily being a citizen, unless citizenship works retrospectively; but Lucy was skeptical—something about the difference between being Aslan's subject and being a Narnian? I didn't really follow. Maybe you can help?)
Sorry, I got sidetracked. I'm not very good at this sort of thing, yet. I mean to say: even if Lucy's right, and I wasn't your subject, and therefore wasn't being horribly disrespectful to my king all these years, I was still being horribly disrespectful to my cousin, and that isn't right, either. You're one of the best men I know. No, why did I strike that? I don't want to be a suck-up anymore, Peter, but from the little I admittedly know of you directly, and even more from the stories I heard in Narnia, you are one of the best men I know. And I don't mean to impose if it's not too much trouble I'd like to get to know you better, now that I'm not "useless" anymore—or at least, not as much as I once was. I'm trying to be useful. Help me?
Sincerely,
Your loyal servant,
Onesimus
Eustace Clarence Scrubb
Onesimus
P.S. Sorry, is that sign-off barmy? I don't mean to be. But I was reading bits of the Bible that Alberta Mum had shoved in the corner of the bookshelf, and thought it fit? Sorry, cousin, this letter is a mess. I'll just mail it. Sorry. Write me back?
A/N: Okay, so. That's more of referencing a pun already made, than actually including a pun, but it came to me in church this morning because the Epistle lesson was Philemon, so I figured I'd write it and actually do this Adventures in Narnia business this year!