Neon Genesis Evangelion
A Thousand Years of Secrecy
Quick A/N: No disclaimers from here on out. Don't sue me! I still love you GAINAX and Mr. Morgan!
Eleven – Even Compassion Has Its Uses
"Each child lives a life of betrayal, sometimes by their teachers, sometimes by their family, sometimes by strangers, and sometimes by each other."
The news woke him up. Someone had left the TV on in the living room. He remembered shortly after he should not be sleeping in the TV room. Asuka lay curled up on the carpet in front of him. He smiled, unconsciously running a hand across her back and through her hair. Disoriented and tired, he tried to remember where and what last night was all about.
It occurred to him shortly thereafter that with a wineglass half full of Merlot, asleep in the living room with Asuka at his side, some sort of reprimand should have been inevitable by the return of the two keepers he had come to expect home that night: just where were Misato and Kaji? He probably could have pondered that longer had his vision not careened into to CNN on mute.
So it's begun then?
Envoys are not typical surprised, and rarely ever aghast. But the Shinji reflected at him in the glass of the television screen was both. He shook Asuka awake.
"Wha—what's happening?" she muttered, yawning and pushing away tangled bangs. "Hey." She giggled running a finger down his arm before his intense face shook her from the brief intimacy.
"China." He jabbed a finger at the screen and listened to her gasp.
"They—they blew it up?"
"We blew it up, it seems," he corrected.
"Shit." She looked around the room frantically.
"Where are—"
"No idea. Not home yet obviously," he continued, eyes locked on the report.
She turned back, the horror of her face slowly drifting away with determined Envoy calm. His hangover was dead to him, killed by years of training the autonomic processes in the body to react to drugging. It was supposed to be for interrogation but it had its other uses.
"Mutherfucker—is that Tatsuki-sensei?"
Yes it was. They were flashing scant pictures of the mean old bastard half-sensei that Touji had misfortune of calling 'master' once was on television. And what he was supposedly saying was almost too unbelievable except that in that moment it dawned on Shinji that SEELE was finally making their second move. The other shoe that had been waiting to fall since Tokyo-3's destruction was coming tumbling to the ground and now it was a simple matter of not being crushed. Or not so simple, depending on what they had in store.
There was a sinking feeling in being proclaimed a terrorist on national television and it was amplified knowing it was the enemy's work and not some bizarre mistake.
"—former instructor and high-ranking official within the secretive military complex owned and operated by NERV. He joins us live now from an undisclosed location."
"Hello, Donna." Strangle him, the conditioning whispered. Strangle him now. Like you should have then. It had not just been the rage of what he said about his mother, something else in him, even deeper, had picked up on the treachery prematurely. He had only read it as something else. Or was it the two in unison?
"Mr. Tatsuki, what can you tell us about the bombing of the China facility," the blonde puppet rattled off.
"Well obviously for reasons of confidentiality, I can't go into details but what we do know is that the facility has been destroyed and the finger has been pointed squarely at NERV by the Chinese government." He glared into the screen.
"You piece of shit, they're using you," Asuka seethed, catching onto SEELE's involvement easily.
"What did you do when you discovered your colleagues had been killed?" the blonde continued, oblivious to their fuming.
"I immediately used my priority access—" As if you have such a thing you arrogant asshole. "—to look into the bombing and verify that this had happened. When I saw the orders from the Japanese branch I knew and I immediately evacuated my self and my staff from the compound."
"We have to get in touch with Misato. Now," Shinji said but did not turn from the screen just yet. He could sense something important waiting to be revealed. Asuka growled agreement, fixed in place.
"Tell us about the US Government's response when you explained to them what you saw."
"Well, what I can tell you is that both Homeland Security and the Chinese Government were both very helpful in ensuring my safety and that of my colleagues. We are currently trying to locate the remaining staff and move them safely away from the facility." That lie was paper-thin; something much worse was happening to the Second Branch staff and, Shinji could feel it with every false syllable. Interrogation perhaps. Maybe torture. Even execution. He refused for the startling moment to believe that Kaji and Misato would let themselves be caught, wherever they were, they were trying to take the attention away from the children. Theoretically speaking, no one had made the connection that there were six Envoys living in this apartment, not two.
"This hangover, it doesn't feel—normal…"
Shinji looked up at her. He used their hand-speak for danger and enemy, then ran to the kitchen. There was no possible way the US would have let them see this on TV unless they'd already searched the apartment for his senseis. He began boiling some tea and when it was whistling loud enough he whispered to her.
"Drugged us. Probably one, two hours ago at most. Let's go and check to make sure the others are here. Act normal. No Envoy shit, just in case the bugs are better than Kaji's security."
"I'll run a sweep with my—fuck."
"They took your palm?"
She nodded. "The sweep may take a bit longer than I had intended. You check on Rei and Touji. And Hikari." Yes, she would have to be kept free of this, whatever the case may be. "I'll go grab my laptop and start working on a full sweep. I doubt they actually got into that thing in the time they've had us knocked out."
He took the kettle off the burner and darted into his old room. Touji and Hikari lay in Touji's futon together, thankfully semi-clothed. He jumped over to the other room to find Rei meditating.
"Rei, have you—"
She silenced him with a look and ran her eyes across three corners of ceiling. Envoy code for bugged. Shinji didn't have to nod, but his stubborn grin was thanks enough for her incredible training. Technically she'd been an Envoy the longest of all of them.
"I was just catching up on my morning meditation, Shinji. Feeling a bit sleepy, are we?" she dabbled, letting the hidden meaning be as obvious as they could dare.
"Yeah something like that," he said, pretending to scratch his head but with the precise motions that meant 'intruder' in hand-speak. "Seen what's on the TV yet?"
"Turned it on for you before you woke up, sleepy-head," she chided.
Rei could not control that her body processed the sleeping derms faster than should be humanly capable; when an Envoy body went into stasis like that, it did whatever was programmed into it for the most likely survival of the host. In this case it was get the hell up as fast as possible. It could make a surgery a complicated thing.
Somewhere, near the base of the apartment, he imagined some FBI or other folks hunkered over crappy screens in the back of dry cleaning delivery truck, trying desperately to translate their Japanese slang as quickly as possible; translators in the spy devices would have made them too bulky to slip past Kaji's stringent net and as long as the Americans considered NERV a threat to their national security, anything was possible. Especially with them camping out in their own backyard. Kaji, however, had grown up well within SEELE's reach, training Asuka right under the noses of them up until the Third Branch's decommission. Perhaps his defenses would be subtle enough to pick up any slack they'd created.
More than anything, Shinji was keen to trust Rei's instincts more than his own; if she saw bugs, there were bugs. No screw-ups now. They'd have to keep things low key. He hoped Japanese would be hard enough to lip-read that he and Asuka's conversation in the kitchen would be impossible to grasp. At least for long enough to get the hell out and off the grid.
"Join me for some tea?" he offered, and she took his hand and followed him into the living room.
As the four of them re-convened in the living room, Touji the most bleary-eyed of all, Shinji silently tried to figure out how to go about having a tactical meeting with the enemy spying on you.
The phone rang, loud and insistent. And rang again. And again. All of them turned to look at Shinji who stared at it emptily and carefully neutral.
Slowly he walked over to the kitchen and answered.
"Into Misato's bedroom. Now! This phone won't work again after you hang up."
The line died. Literally. And as he placed it back on the wall, he brought the voice to test and lifted up the phone to find it dead, the only signal he felt worthy of trusting. On such short notice they didn't exactly have any other way to contact them discreetly. The MAGI would have already destroyed all semblance of where that call came from now. Probably fried several of the relays along the way.
Slowly he placed it back on the receiver and turned back towards the expectant stares of the other three. He didn't recognize the voice—didn't have to. It was someone, perhaps even something at NERV, and it was communicating to him. To all of them.
He walked into her bedroom, the other three shuffling in behind him, to find the entire thing nearly destroyed. Whereas they'd left the rest of the house intact, they had no such delicate touch with Misato's room. They must have suspected whatever they were looking for was in there and for the sake of time, no doubt thanks to Rei's early rising, they'd gone through the place rather expediently.
A transparency blinked into the air above one nearly destroyed dresser. His well pressed suit mismatched with crumpled shreds of clothes dangling over yanked out drawers. Fuyutsuki's grim visage held them all in place.
"Children, we have much to discuss."
Kaji woke her and led her out onto the fire escape at four in the morning, carrying her clothing under his arms. When they'd reached the floor below they both heard the telltale sign of a door kicked in and no accompanying "freeze!" or "police!" which meant that they were most certainly dealing with professionals. As they scrambled down to the next floor she shivered against the cold air and wished she'd worn something more than her underwear to bed.
Thank god we picked a NERV vintage, rather than some real hotel. Without the extra security of that safe house they might have had us still snoring.
Kaji guided her slowly, careful to remain soundless on the steel steps. They flipped onto the sidewalk below the first floor's escape, landing with ninjitsu softness and heard the window slide open. He flushed her against the wall with him, hand across her bare navel, which tugged at guilty and very enjoyable memories of the night before.
She dressed quickly when it was clear no one was on the escape and proceeded down the street, heels in hand, as inconspicuously as a couple could manage at this time of night. But if their pursuers had chameleoflague the jig was most likely already up. Given the FBI's careful surveillance of the children already, it was any one's guess. Living on a prayer.
Griff was waiting for them around the corner, cigarette smoldering in the corner of his lips.
"Come with me if you want to live." He crushed the butt under foot as he walked away from them.
They followed him into a dark, non-imposing sedan parked just up the street. He drove and spoke like a coroner—delicate but precise. Just who was dead yet wasn't clear.
"Your man Tatsuki broke the China attack to the authorities a little over thirty minutes ago. NERV personnel inside the Second Branch are being arrested as we speak. I don't know where they are taking them or what's happening to them but I'll let you fill in the blanks on that one."
Kaji sat up front with him, eyes switching between the road and the double agent. Misato sentried either side for snipers or whoever else would be watching this car.
"A counter-terrorism unit was about to detain you back there, I had to wait to make my move. Sorry," he said as he began rummaging for another cigarette.
"No need for apologies," replied quickly.
"The FBI doesn't know about their op yet, this is all coming from way up high, above my head, above my superior's. I got the message to intervene about fifteen minutes ago."
"You were tailing us again." He had to have been, to be at hand on such short notice. Misato sounded more curious than surprised; last time he'd clearly not been trying his hardest to stay out of the way.
"No choice. We'd heard whispers but nothing this size was expected. Your man stirred up the hornet's nest. There's no turning back for the US now, by morning all NERV personnel will be locked up somewhere safe, spilling their guts out to my more… hands-on colleagues."
"Where are you taking us then?" Kaji asked.
"Somewhere safe."
The handgun sounded like a cannon in the confines of the tiny sedan. It painted Kaji across the passenger side window with a deflated grunt. As Griff turned to level the weapon at Misato's stunned face, Kaji's palm caught the bottom of his hand, smashing it into the ceiling. He caught Griff's hand between his own and the metal, audibly breaking a few fingers. The back window shattered with a whoosh of air as another round went off. He jabbed his thumb into Griff's eye socket, eliciting a scream from the man; Griff struggled absently to bring the bloodied gun back around to aim at Kaji again.
"Nigerou! Ike!" he moaned at her.
Run! Go!
She pulled open the door without thinking, tumbling out of the back of the car as it accelerated. Two more shots sounded off as the car sped down the street away from her. She kept coughing blood on the asphalt. She struggled to breathe normally again, forcing her lungs into the chi exercises Fuyutsuki had bludgeoned into her so long ago. Muscle-memory of the conditioning came to her with golden clarity, shining as the only truth amidst the confusion.
She forced herself to her knees and stared at the disappearing taillights of the car into the darkness.
Sobs trembled in her throat.
Kaji is—he's.
No time for that. The children. Get up. Get to them. As fast as possible. Find a phone. Go!
She let the training overwhelm the grief and staggered up, stumbling out of the street and into the adjacent park. She ran barefoot. She'd left the heels in the car. Within everything else that was crumbling apart. But she would adapt.
Adapt. That's they were made to do. Cope. And do it quickly.
"Calm down Katsuragi-san. Remember the seven controls and turn them up," he instructed her with infuriating calm, not quite reprimanding her behavior but not empathizing. He was anchoring her back to neutrality with each word, preparing her.
"I'm sorry sir."
She dried her eyes with wide strokes of her palms.
The park was soulless at this hour and as she crouched next to the tiny pond she felt herself at once being ridiculous and justified. It was strangely dark for the city but it smelled of something faintly natural which was a good change of pace and almost comforting.
"Your first priority is the suits. You must keep them safe at any cost. If even one of those should make its way back to the enemy—well, I don't think I need to elaborate the severity of the consequences."
"Yes, sir. And the children?"
"They will fend for themselves as we've taught them too. I'm already preparing their briefing for when the drugs wear off. Ka—your partner's security of the apartment was not fully disabled, which should keep them safe for some time. We're already feeding fake footage to them.
So at least they're safe for the moment.
She sighed like something heavy was dripping off her shoulders.
"I can get to the apartment I think. I'm not sure what the city surveillance is like…"
"Already handling that. We've got a swath of blackouts rolling through northern California as we speak courtesy of Maya, Akagi-san, and the MAGI."
"Fuyutsuki, there's no way the Americans will miss that," she replied sounding thankful yet concerned.
"They'll be busy with other things. And besides, after this point the Americans may be truly irrelevant."
It was a simple way to put the frightening realization: they'd truly become isolated in their battle with SEELE. The council of old men through lies, murder, and who knows what else, had manipulated the whole rest of the world against them. As Fuyutsuki had once put it, NERV's been resting on the brink of annihilation since the beginning; it's only proper to keep the tradition going.
"There's one more issue we must discuss." The shift in his tone disturbed her.
"Operation 176?" she said more than asked. It was the only operation dedicated to Kaji's control, which she did not have access to. A little skeleton in her closet she'd expected from the outset of this conversation.
"Yes and it is my sincerest wish that you will not react poorly to its revealing. It is a delicate matter at the very heart of Asuka's training and something that must remain in secrecy for some time longer. I give it to you with this firm recommendation."
She'd already read about the girl's absent father and demanding mother. Her mother's tragic schizophrenia and the subsequent childhood of abandonment, marred by things out of her control. It was oddly tragic in a way similar to Shinji's but for very different reasons. And probably some testament to the conditioning that she'd turned out as such a healthy, functioning young girl.
"Fuyutsuki, I'll take care of her as well as I have done with Shinji and Rei."
"Of that, I'm certain."
"So tell me."
He did.
"I let her have some passion; any great actor has to have passion to play their part."
"You did your job, and I did mine. Just like sensei asked us," he said in a manner that sounded almost resolved.
And when it was over, she struggled to breathe in the silence, stunned and searching for something appropriate to say.
"You—you… bastard."
She killed the call and found her hand shaking as she clutched at the phone and clutched at what had just been given to her. It would destroy everything she'd tried to create if she told them the truth. But the alternative was worse. There are some secrets you cannot live with.
She hung up the pay phone, knowing it would not ring again, and walked home through the eerie darkness of blackouts, knowing that this day would change everything she'd tested as a sensei. She only did not know the full extent of this truth.
She trudged through the doors at six in the morning, shoeless and smelling of Kaji's cologne. The chatter of the morning cooking routine grounded to a halt as the front door swung open and she walked in wordlessly. Her dress was torn in several places revealing the skin beneath and often scratches, and in one case a scar that had clearly been put there much longer ago. The five children confronted the woman in the narrow hallway leading to the kitchen, each face a different bewilderment. Shinji stepped forward out of the pack.
"Where's Kaji?" he asked innocently.
She could not contain the tear that broke free as the question halted her. She paused, waiting for her voice to return.
"I don't know."
Kaji's dead. This isn't possible. I spoke with him yesterday.
"Oh." He glanced back at the still very surprised Hikari who was now glaring at their sensei's bare feet. "Would you—would you like some breakfast?"
She shook her head. "Don't worry about me. I'm going to put on something a little more…" She picked up a piece of the bloodied fabric, staring at it a moment, then let it go. "Suitable."
"Your room's still a mess," Shinji interjected quickly as she started to step past them.
"Oh? Oh. Yes. Thank you, Shinji-kun," she said absently enough to convince Hikari.
The crowd of students parted for her as she entered soundlessly into her room.
Shinji turned to find tears in the eyes of Asuka, her face grim and expressionless. Without thinking he put his arms around her and kissed her cheek.
"I—" she started and then gave up.
"It's okay. Everything's going to be… okay." Losing a sensei was too close to losing a parent. Even Rei seemed shocked into some contemplative melancholy.
"What—is she okay? What's going on?" Hikari asked Touji, staring after Misato's shut door.
"Something bad," he muttered. "Something… bad."
Asuka slowly leaned her head onto Shinji's shoulder as Rei approached and tentatively touched a hand to hers. She closed her eyes very gently, as if going to sleep.
Rei and Hikari returned to the kitchen after volunteering and Touji deposited himself into the couch with a deep sigh. Last night they'd been so happy it seemed. How quickly the world could change itself around for reasons that were both invisible and too obvious.
"I should go talk to her," he whispered into the auburn hair after a minute of stillness with her.
She squeezed his hand once and left for the balcony. She drew the door open and closed it behind herself.
He knocked on the door once and after no answer cracked it open.
"Misato, can I…"
There was no answer and just as he was about to draw the door shut a weak and empty "hai" returned to his ears.
He found her only in bra and panties digging through scraps of clothes and occasionally picking one promising looking piece up for before tossing it back in. He knew about the scars from her sparse stories about them and the few times they'd been to the hot springs together but it still was a shock to see them crisscrossing past the white borders of cotton. Someone had come very close to killing Misato once as a little girl. She said to him long ago that she hated going to the beach afterwards. Hated all the people who would stare.
The white crucifix dangled against her chest, its base smeared with blood that did not look like her own.
"Maybe Asuka or Rei has something?" he said softly.
She did not stop digging.
"My skirts are already short enough as is, Shinji," she tried to joke, but her voice broke at the end.
Tears sprung anew and she gave up on searching for clothes, stunned into nothing, just watching her two buried hands with an expression of a woman who did not know what to do next. Her conditioning was clobbered today. It was probably taking all of her control just to keep going.
Shinji approached, careful not to step on anything.
"Misato, I—I'm sorry. I don't know what to do…"
She closed the distance between them in an instant and grabbed him into a hug. He found himself at odds with his hormones. It was awkward being pressed against her nearly naked body but it was astoundingly comforting and after a moment he relented against the contrary feelings, leaning closer to her. She rarely touched him physically, as if aware of this conundrum but now the wall lay shattered.
"Shinji." Her voice stuttered over the syllables. "I have. Something. Terrible to tell you."
Her breath shook against him in soft gasps.
"And I think it may just. Ruin you. But I have to tell you."
He found himself frightened beneath the soothing hands but his voice betrayed nothing.
"You can tell me, Misato."
They breathed against each other for a few moments.
"Operation 176 was the order handed down to Ryouji Kaji after you were chosen to be an Envoy for NERV. You are not the Third Child, Shinji. You are the second, and Asuka was chosen as the third after your appointment. She was chosen not only because of her incredible intelligence and ability but because it was decided by analysis that she was the best possible compliment for you. Kaji trained her because of his physical resemblance to you and she was trained in order to seduce you to keep you anchored to NERV. Given your history of running away from home and other variables, it was decided that the best way to attach you permanently to NERV and ensure your loyalty was to find a suitable partner as a justification for staying. Rei was not an option and thus Asuka was recruited as a replacement. This is operation 176, Shinji. I'm. I'm so sorry."
His breath left him. He felt dizzy, spinning around and around. The words tumbled into his psyche, and though he imagined some part of himself reacting in pain, he could not find it. It toiled like angry seas beneath Envoy induced calm that refused to let him feel it. A Second Impact on his soul, invading his every thought and memory.
How could it be possible? The only person he'd let in past the carefully crafted Envoy walls besides Misato and perhaps Rei was nothing more than a farce, following orders and playing a part to trick him under Fuyutsuki's will. Yes they'd seen his resignation coming far sooner than he had. It could not be coincidence that the first time he'd ever met Asuka was moments before he attempted to resign. It could not be coincidence that of all of the girls he'd met through high school and before, only Asuka had not been scared away by his serious demeanor or reluctance. In fact, it was almost as though she'd used his very own defenses against him. Of course she'd read the file about his childhood; she would have had to in order to successfully perform her mission. Her whole persona unraveled before him into a series of cardboard images, no substance to their paper surface. It was nothing more than a show; perhaps even her own supposed "troubled childhood" was nothing more than a myth convince him of their similarity and her sincerity. And he hadn't read the file just like she asked.
Yes, Asuka was simply one giant act, waiting to disintegrate for when NERV no longer had a use for him. And he'd been fooled, utterly and totally fooled. So fooled, that last night he'd had his first kiss with this puppet and been convinced that she, maybe one day, could understand and care for the troubled being of Shinji Ikari. He'd given his love to a lie.
He didn't quite remember leaving her room. Only her voice calling out to him, begging him to wait.
He grabbed her by the wrist dragging her back inside.
"Shinji! You're hurting me!" Good.
He slammed her against the wall of the living room, pinning her. She stared at him, confused and trembling.
"Shinji, what are you—"
"Operation 176." He felt the dagger twist as her expression turned more frightened. "How could you? How could you?"
A stunned Touji was standing up somewhere behind him, but not moving to intervene. An equally confused pair of Rei and Hikari joined him from the kitchen.
"I couldn't, I—"
"Lied! It was all a lie, wasn't it?"
"No, not anymore! You don't understand! At first I—" she pleaded.
"You what? You nothing," he growled, their faces inches apart.
"You don't understand. I didn't have a choice," she said, voice lowering with her gaze. The guilt was bare and obvious for all to see.
"Bullshit you didn't!"
Then she was shouting back.
"Don't you get it? They chose me because they knew I'd have no choice. Before I met you it was different. But then… we—I wanted." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I wanted to be with you, Shinji-kun. Suki dakara."
Because I like you.
He shook his head and released her. He couldn't tell if she was lying. Didn't care. He walked to his room passed the three other taken aback students, retrieved his bomber jacket, then walked to the front door.
"Don't go!" she cried out from behind him.
I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away!
He left without pause.
His bike's tank was full when he checked the gauge. He could get out of the state, maybe even to Canada in a day's hard riding. He put on the jacket and climbed on.
He heard the first explosion from the hills outside of the city. It was an unmistakable base rumbling, louder than even the noise of the bike's churning cylinders. He decelerated at a turn on the cliff face and got off quickly. Black smoke was rising from somewhere in the city.
He saw the dots on the horizon, twinkling in the rising sun like little sparks above the water. Another missile made its soft whining shriek and disappeared behind skyscrapers with another thundering boom. Finally, SEELE was coming for them. He stood on the precipice of the cliff, uncertain. It was at that moment Quell finally came to him:
"What you live for, in simple terms, can be summed into whom you're willing to die for. If you're willing to die in a foreign war, you live for your country. If you're willing to die in a robbery gone wrong, you live for your family. And if you're too afraid to act, you're living for no one and nothing. We are all heroes, disguised in ordinary clothes and ordinary problems. It is when the moment strikes, will you be willing to act and for whom? Your children? Your parents? Your friends? Your lover? Your cause? This is your measure, be true to it and your life, no matter what digressions, will be a true one. If you give this up, what do you really have that's worth living for?"
Quellcrist Falconer, Dreams Are Everything
He went back to the bike. Started the engine. He turned it around with little effort and gunned the bike forward. Shinji knew what he would die for that day. And he was prepared to take the chance. He headed back into the city.
Eleven Fin
A/N: I like this chapter the most of all of the ones I've written. I don't really have too much more to say about it than that. The change in the title format is on purpose and its meant to evoke how Anno would occaisionally title an episode a ridiculously long phrase. I'll try and use it only where I think it's appropriate.
Thanks to everyone who's been keeping up with me so far. It felt really great to get this chapter done today. I managed to write most of it over the course of yesterday and today and though it was occaisionally a struggle I feel like it really paid off. Hopefully the next chapter should come along sooner than it took me to do this one. School generally excites me more than it limits so take that as a good sign.
Japanese lesson for this chapter:
-suki dakara. Love is a complicated thing in any language, but from what I've come to understand from my friends saying "I like you" rather than "watashi no koto ga suki desu ka?" which is literally, "do you like my things?" is a really big difference. Suki is a heavy-handed word in Japanese relationships. I left it as "like" because I think you can get the proper sense of the impact of the sentence within the scene. It can be equated more or less as "I love you," although translated literally, that would be "ai shite," which is "to do love."
Everyone who pointed out sensei-tachi as plural for sensei is more or less right except that Japanese doesn't really have real pluralizers (that I've learned yet anyways). You can have counters, but then you need an exact number, and -tachi, from what I've come to understand is more about belonging to the group of senseis than "several senseis" That's why "watashi tachi" doesn't mean "several of me" but rather "we." Does that make sense?