A/N: Finally! The chapter that everyone is dying to read! And here it is. Yesh, I hope you enjoy it. Gawds, it's a late update Im sorry. I originally planned for a shitlong chapter, but, it got deleted. Yes I know, baka loveless ne? Whatever. I had to rewrite it, so now its like, a bunch of thousand words shorter and it doesn't make any fricken sense at all. Oh, and there might be some ya know RAPE, but dont worry, it isn't graphic, just like mentioning, if I feel like it. I dont know. Again, THANK YOU OH LOVELY REVIEWERS! I LOVE YOU!

...
DarkShadow
X Spirit of Darkness X
Goddess of Yaoi
Saiamye Nakatashi
ElvishPixie
freyh
darkangel36
MewMewStreet
Mina
Roxanne Black
01-FAD3D
mistic fox
puretsubasa
Jaded Autumn
xImperfectlyX

Summary: Kaoru cant live without Hikaru. They had shared a once loving relationship, and now Hikaru is going out with Haruhi. Kaoru, who was once a very happy rich kid and almost picture perfect, was introduced to the world of drugs, alchohol, smoking, cutting, and prostitution. What will become of him? Will Hikaru actually find out what he's been doing to Kaoru this whole time? Will Hikaru come back back to him? Or just leave and let Kaoru kill himself?

Very DARK angsty fic. Beware.

Warning: See Chapter 1.

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

BEWARE! THIS CHAPTER IS SCREWED SO MUCH YOU NEED A SCREWDRIVER TO UNDERSTAND IT!

What Have I Become?

Chapter 3:How it All Began.

Kaoru wanted to wake up huddled in Hikaru's arms, but instead, he was hugging a pillow. A cold one at that. And strung onto it was a note. Hurt flashed through golden orbs. His hands were shaking as he took it off and held it. He couldn't believe his eyes. He read it over and over again. It couldn't be true. It just wasn't possible. He dropped the note on the bedside table when he noticed something else. It was the necklace. The one he bought for his brother. Sitting there, and cold to his burning touch. Tears welled up in his eyes as he changed quickly and ran out of the room. It wasn't a really short note. It was long, about a page. It lay on the table. The only part that hurt Kaoru the most was...

Ive been thinking about this for a long time.
It's wrong.
We shouldn't have done this.
Im leaving for bit. To think.
Dont worry, you're still my brother, and I love you like one.

--------------- Line break.

Kaoru bypast all the maids, and his parents. He didn't need all those presents. All he wanted was his brother. He was tired of running so far. He walked through a park, where Hikaru and him used to play when they were kids. His mom didn't approve because there were "commoners" there, but he loved it anyways. The last of the sakura trees were still in bloom. If he was in a good mood, they would have looked lovely, but he could care less if the caught fire.

Thoughts were rolling around in his head and eating at his brain. More and more questions like 'why' and 'what if' entered his head. He was thinking so hard he bumped into someone and fell onto his back.

"Ah sorry." Came from the other person. He had the aura of an adult but looked no older than 16. Raven hair tumbling down resting on his shoulders, with gentle emerald eyes that could light up the room. The raven haired boy held offered a hand to the fallen Kaoru. He waited a while, engrossed in the other when he realized the hand sitting in front of him. He put two and two together and one of the many lightbulbs flashed in his head.

"Oh, no problem. I wasn't looking where I was going." He mumbled taking the hand.

"Its common courtesy to say ones name before asking anothers. Im Julian. You are?" He stated.

"Oh umm, Kaoru." He knew that Hitachiin was a household name and with their 18 birthday everyone knew about them. It was supposed to be one of the biggest things. Sad memorys flooded upon him when remembering that.

"Kaoru? Haha, you have the same name as one of those Hitachiin twits. Funny." He chuckled.

"Hehe, yeah." He smiled sheepishly. Alot of people hated their company for kami-sama 1 knows why.

"Ill see you around hey." He waved and strolled past him.

"Yeah. See you." He said. He waved slowly back. He was getting tired and his muscles ached. Last nights activities tired him out alot. He grabbed a coffee from a nearby little restaraunt and headed home with one thought in mind.

'I've decided. Im moving out.'

--------------- Line break.

"Mom, why not? Im an adult. I can take care of myself. Just give me enough money to last and I can get a job or something. Please!" He argued. His mom seemed like she didn't want to let go of her little boy just yet.

"I said no Kaoru. You dont know how hard it is out there and I absolutely am not allowing one of my sons to go out and do, commoner stuff." He knew it. His mom didn't want him hanging out with commoners.

"Fine! Ill make a deal. Give me enough money to last a year, plus a driver and one servent. Let me find a place on my own and move out of here. Im old enough mom. I can do things on my own. I actually KNOW how to use a microwave!" He was trying his best to compromise. He wanted to get out of this place as soon as he could.

"But..but..what about Hikaru? I thought-"

"Well you thought wrong! We are brothers. We are two different people. With our own bodies and minds. Well dearest mother, what do you say?" He said crossing his arms and giving her a stern gaze. She gave a long sigh. She knew her son was right.

"Okay. Ill let you go. You can bring you're personal driver and Ill set you up with a servant. Which one do you want?"

"Doesn't matter. Im going to see if there are any places up for sale." He said as he went off to one of his many study rooms. As anyone who lived in the now, he looked on the internet. There were a few places, but none of them caught his eye. He had thought he found one, but he would have to share with someone else. He wanted to live alone, but when he saw who the person was. He decided on this place right away. It was the same person he bumped into today. Hopefully, he wouldn't mind if he really was one of those so called 'Hitachiin twits'.

When he got back to his room someone had already packed his bags. The room looked half empty. All of his stuff was gone. Even the presents that could fit into the room were already outta there. The things in his many many suitcases were his clothes. Knowing his mom, she probably packed some of her newest designs already, which is why he had 2 more suitcases than he had planned. One of the maids came in and haulled a suitcase out to the front where a limo was waiting.

"Uhh, mom." He tapped her on the shoulder. She nodded and gave a small 'mmhmm'.

"Why is my stuff already being packed? I havent even rented the place yet, much less called it." She winced when she heard the word rented. She had assumed he would buy a house. A big one too. Not rent something. It reminded her of something already being used, and that gave her shivers.

"Hmm? I thought you already got it? Its too late to unpack everything so go call them." She said right after she said something in the phone.

"Mom?"

"Yes dear?"

"Can I use the phone?" He asked slightly annoyed. He could have used his own phone but it was already packed somewhere.

"Oh sorry." She said something into the phone and handed it over to Kaoru. He looked on his hand where he wrote down the number and called.

"Its the ME residence. Whaddya want?" He asked in a nonchalant tone.

"Uh, hey. Its Kaoru here. Remember?" He tried not to laugh at Julian's way of answering the phone.

"Oh yeah, the Hitachiin twit look alike. Just a sec. How the hell did you get my number."

"Internet."

"Oh really?"

"Yep. I hear your looking for a roommate."

"Mmhmm. And why would you care?"

"I need a place to stay. And you better say yes. Because Im already packed."

"And if I refuse? Just kidding. Sure you can room with meh. But I have to warn you. The...erm...neighborhood might not be of your liking."

"Whatever. I just wanna get outta here. See you in a couple of minutes."

"Yeah bye." And he put down the phone. He sighed a long sigh. He really couldn't wait to get out of here. Right at this moment, he didn't care what his brother is going to do, and he certainly didn't care if he would ever see him again, and how wrong he was.

"Hey mom. Can I have my money now?"

"Sure dear." She said. She took out a gold card that had his name on it.

"If you were a commoner it will last you about 10 years, but you're not. So it will probably only last about 1. Now off you go before I decide to make you stay." He nodded and turned to leave the house. He paused for a second.

"Mom. Can you tell...Hikaru..that I love him for me?" He said without looking back.

"Sure sweety." She said as he walked out to the limo.

.&&..&&..&&..&&..&&.

.:Kaoru's PoV:.

"At that moment, I didn't know what the hell I was getting myself into. Really, looking back on it, this is where it all began..." His voice drifted off as he stared at his current residence.

"It was kind of funny. Julian's reaction, when I showed up in a limo with a truck behind it. He didn't expect me to be that Hitachiin twit he was always complaining of having too much money. I wonder...what is Hikaru doing this very second..." His voice trailed off to thinking about his brother for the millionth time today.

"Ah oh well. Where did I leave off...oh yeah..."

.&&..&&..&&..&&..&&.

Driving to the destination where he was going to live, for who knows how long, had very interesting scenery. It looked like it was in the rotten part of town. Maybe it was, because it took him and hour to get there, especially with all the winding roads and traffic jammed streets. The Hitachiin estate was in a very clean roomy kind of place. But then again, it could have been mistaken for a mini mall.

The limo slowly came to a hault and the chauffer came around and opened the car door.

"We are here Mister Hitachiin."

"For the last time, call me Kaoru. We aren't in front of my parents anymore." Kaoru said in a very annoyed voice. The man just grunted and stepped aside to make room for Kaoru.

Sunglasses were glinting in the sun while his necklaces clanged together as he gracefully got out of the limo in his stunning designer clothes. He pulled the glasses down to his nose and look left, then right, then up at the condo. It was a good size for a regular family, but just how big was Julian's suite?

"Wow, Ive never seen one of these up close before. Things are going to be very interesting from now on." The last words stabbed his heart. Hikaru had once said them to him. It was around the time when Haruhi bumped into them and they started hanging out.2

He walked up to the entrance, pressed the button with Julian's name beside it, and waited..and waited...and waited. Then, out of nowhere, there was a screeching sound and a grunting sound as the doors clicked open. He just shrugged his shoulders and went in. He strolled to where the elevator was and pushed the button. It opened right when his finger came in contact with it, a handsome well built man stepped out. His clothes were slightly ruffled and his hair a mess. He just brushed it aside and stepped into the smokey smelling elevator and went up.

As soon as the doors opened he stood face to face with a grinning Julian.

"Ello there." He said smiling in an eerie way. He handed Kaoru the key to the place.

"Uhh...hi?" He said. Kaoru was starting to feel confused, as well as scared.

"Welcome to my HUMBLE abode!" He said as magical sparklers and cheers were heard in the background, although there was no one there.

"Yeah, humble, got it. Anyways, something I have to tell you." He said.

"Okay, shoot."

"Is it okay if I have two other people with me?"

"Sure! The more the merrier."

"Kay good, because they are my personal servant and chauffer. Im going to be sending up my stuff in a moment. Oh, and by the way, I am the Hitachiin twit which you speak so highly of." He said as the elevator doors closed. Julian stood there stunned. The Hitachiin twit was staying at his house? He was scum! He didn't know it, but this predicament was going to send them into a world which they might not return.

--------------- Line break.

After unpacking everything in the small apartment, Kaoru realized he was going to have to send some stuff home. After he finally located his cellphone he called home for another one of his servants to help out with all the stuff. He got his own room and took a good look around. It had few decorations but it was big enough, but only about a quarter the size of his room back at the mansion.

He was so used to having a room just for all of his clothes, that when he saw the tiny thing in the appartment, his jaw dropped. This was going to be alot harder than he thought.

All of his clothes were designed by his mom, of course. If he bought anything else, she would kill him. Just then Julian popped his head in looking around the room.

"Hey, uhh, Kaoru, can I..come in?" He asked shyly. He didn't know why he was so stuttery now, maybe because he was going to be living with one of the RICHEST people in the country, but who knows.

"Sure. Just uhh, sit on the bed or something." He said trying to arrange his closet. He had sent half of his stuff back to his house, yet he still didn't have enough room.

"Thanks.." He mumbled quietly. He just stayed there for about 20 minutes, watching the rich kid in his apartment try to arrange his closet with the amount of clothes he had. It was very amusing, the way he would get so frustrated and throw some of his clothes out, or just sit for a few seconds before trying again. Eventually there was a pile on the place beside him on the bed.

"Okay, these clothes go to some charity. I only need these ones." Julian looked in the closet and he was astounded. All the designer clothes that looked so good on him.

"Well, nice clothes I see. Anyways, lets go to a club tonight. Im in the mood to dance." To prove it he got up and he showed some dance moves.

"Sure, I like dancing as well." And Kaoru tried to copy Julian in a sarcastic manner. They laughed a bit and went to get something to eat.

--------------- Line break.

After 2 hours of getting to know each other and officially goofing off, they came home and got ready. When they came out, they both stared at each other in awe. Julian was wearing leather shorts with knee high boots. A leather vest with a red tank underneath, eyeliner, and a few accessories, he was complete. Kaoru, on the other hand, was wearing black tight jeans, a white blouse that was rolled up to his elbows, a pinstripe skintight vest on top, with a necklace and earrings.

"You look-" They both said at the same time. "Hot"

"I know I am, thanks." Julian said smugly.

"Haha, sure." Kaoru said.

"Theres something missing about you." Julian said eyeing Kaoru slightly.

"What is?"

"You need...eyeliner!" Kaoru stared at him dumbfoundedly.

"Eyeliner? Ive never worn the stuff in my life."

"Dont worry, eyeliner is your friend. It will HELP you!" Julian said throwing himself at Kaoru eyeliner in hand. He tackled him to the ground and held Kaoru still with trying to put it on. After 5 minutes of what seemed to be forever, they got up and Kaoru dusted the imaginary dust off.

"I really dont think that was necessary." Kaoru scoffed.

"Hell yeah! You dont look hot anymore. You look sexy. I mean even I would jump on you." Kaoru just looked at him as if he grew a second head.

"But that doesn't mean I will!"

"Okay good."

"'Okay good'? What is that supposed to mean huh?"

"You are so screwed over Julian, you know that?" Kaoru said annoyed.

"Thanks, I try my best. Now, shall I escort you to the limo?" He asked as he held his arm out for him.

"Sure." Kaoru said as he took the offered arm and they walked off together. For more than 3 hours, he finally didn't think about Hikaru, and he was happy for it.

--------------- Line break.

A large neon sign blinked in front of him. It flashed the letters 'Club 87'. He didn't understand why the owner had named the club that. Maybe because he was bored and had nothing else to do. Julian stepped out of the limo and offered a hand to Kaoru.

"You know, Im not a lady you need to wait on." He said.

"I know, but you have money." He winked as he led them up to the bouncer. Somethings that Kaoru didn't know about Julian were about to be revealed in that very club. The truth was, Julian was a dancer there, and he had many adoring fans. Kaoru was about to find out how adoring.

Julian led them to a booth off to the side. The music was booming through his ears, lights flashing around him, and he could see all the people dancing out on the floor. Most of them were boys, but that didn't bother him. After all, he has had sex with his brother. The only thing that would bother him would be yaoi incest necrophelia.3 He shivered at the thought. It was disgusting, but then again some people are insane to the bone.

"Anything to drink?" He asked.

"Dont care. Ill have whatever youre having." He said back, absentmindedly looking towards the dance floor.

Julian came back with two drinks and set them on the table.

"Lets go dance." Kaoru said. He didn't wait for an answer and grabbed Julian and started to dance. Someone was whistling but Kaoru ignored it. He just wanted to have some fun tonight. Unbeknownst to the two of them, there was someone watching in the background.

Some came up behind Julian and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hello, can't you see Im busy here?" He said.

"Oh, too busy you cant even talk to me?" He stopped and turned around. He knew that voice.

"Kyouya! Its been forever!" He said as he glomped him. Kaoru was forgotten, but he didn't mind. For a rich brat, as some may call him, he wasn't always craving attention.4

"Yeah, call a week forever why dont you. Oh, and who is this pretty thing you have here." He said noticing the lone Hitachiin standing slightly behind Julian.

"He's my new roommate. Kaoru. Meet Kyouya Ohtori. He's my dancing partner. We're well known about these parts." He said proudly to Kaoru.

"Pleasure to meet you." Kaoru nodded and shook his hand. Green flashed in front of his eye for a second and he had the feeling he was being watched.

"Yeah, same. Julian, Im tired, Ima go sit down kay?" He said as he looked around nervously.

"Kay. Ill be here on the dance floor." He started dancing with Kyouya. They looked good together. Kyouya's moves were graceful yet stern in a way and it was something to watch really. No wonder they were well known. Kaoru went to the washroom looked at himself in the mirror. Julian was right, he did look good. A few tears fell down his face. Then why did Hikaru leave him. It wasn't fair. Right now, he needed to stop thinking of Hikaru for good and start a new life. A different one.

"What's someone as handsome as you doing in a place like this?" Said a very low seductive voice from behind him. He was hidden in the shadows so Kaoru couldn't see what he looked like. He started to panic. He had never been in this kind of situation before and he was scared about what was going to happen.

"Who are you. What do you want?" He tried to keep a calm facade but that plan backfired into the next century.

The figure stepped out of the light as his eyes glinted at Kaoru.

"I dont think you need to know that right this second." He said huskily as he pulled Kaoru into a stall and kissed him. His breath was repulsive. Kaoru knew what was coming next. By judging the size of the man, he knew he wouldn't be able to get away. It was going to be a long night, full of pain, and some regret.

At that exact moment, Hikaru was about to kiss Haruhi when he felt a stab of pain flow through his mind. It's what would have been twin sense, but right now, he just brushed it off and told himself Kaoru was sitting in his room, probably reading a book and away from any possible danger. But something in the back of his mind kept nagging him.

Back at the club, Kaoru was in the stall, worn out, bleeding and didn't have a working muscle in his body. At that point in time, he really didn't care about what had happened before, he just wanted to sleep. His eyes were closing into darkness when he heard Julian's voice fading out.

.&&..&&..&&..&&..&&.

.:Kaoru's PoV:.

"Hmm, first night out at a club with Julian. Didn't go the way I planned really. But the funny thing was, I enjoyed what happened. Started me off on this road really. I wonder what would have happened if that never did." He was reminiscing about his past. He walked by Club 87. He was a regular dancer there. Some people even paid him to dance privately in the booths. He didn't mind.

"I remember when Julian found me, he was in a wreck-" He was rudely interrupted by said person.

"Now who's talking about me?"

"Speak of the devil."

"Wow, Im flattered." He said attempting to flutter his eyelashes.

"Cute" Kaoru said dully as he kissed him.

"Lets go home Kaoru." Julian said as he held his hand.

"Sure. "

"What were you thinking about hmm?"

"I was just thinking about how we met. Funny thing really."

.&&..&&..&&..&&..&&.

NOTES:

1 Its like a god...I think. Well, if you want to make sense just put GOD there. Kays?
2 I couldn't think of a better excuse to have them meet Haruhi.
3 Necrophelia I think thats how its spelt is like, someone raping dead bodies. Nasty eh? I read a story where a brother carried his dead brother everywhere and whenever he was loney he would rape it. EW! Gives me nightmares thinking about it.
4 I decided Kyouya would be Julians dance buddy. He has taken on a completely new personality. Sorry people.
End/

A/N:Sorry, I didn't know how to end it! PLEASE FORGIVE ME I KNOW I SUCK! Really bad chapter. I hate it. I told you you needed a screwdriver to understand this chapter. Stupid filler chapter explaining the nasty beginning! GAH! I suck so bad. ANYWAYS! How did you like it? I hope it was okay. And I want to add the rest of the Host Club...BUT! I have come across a problem. Where shall I put them? What shall they be? Will they be on Hikaru's side or Kaoru's? I WANNA KNOW! And, if you dont give me ten reviews, I wont update PLUS:I'll either torture a character other than Kaoru or kill them off, ONE BY ONE! And if anyone wants to try and draw Julian be my guest, they may get a special part in the story!

I know Im evil. And dont worry, Ill fit it into the plot somehow. Thanks for reading, and review, or someone gets it.