Something was eating at CJ and she wasn't sure what it was. It could've been the fact that she missed Seth, or it could've just been her hormones driving her crazy. Her doctor told her that was always a possibility and it was something she wouldn't be able to control. And CJ hated that she wouldn't be able to control her own hormones because she liked having control of situations. No control over hormones means less control over situations.
But, and she seriously hoped this was her thoughts being generous, she could've been worried about Dean. Hearing that he hadn't been see eating since Saturday really bothered her, since he could be starving herself out if depression. What he had to be depressed over, she had no idea. He left, and if he was feeling bad about that then that was his fault. He made that choice on his own, so why get depressed?
CJ didn't want to worry about Dean. She didn't want her every other thought to pertain to him in some way. She didn't want to secretly hope there was a text from him on her phone whenever she looked at it. She didn't want anything to do with him.
But the heart wants what the heart wants and what the brain wanted didn't mean shit to the heart.
But in CJ's heart, she wanted both Dean and Seth. She knew it wouldn't work out, but that didn't stop her from loving them. She wanted so desperately to make a decision between the two, and if she wasn't carrying both of their children she would've just chosen neither and disappeared. Taking the easy route was CJ's preferred method of dealing with her problems; and moving to Germany wasn't that bad of an idea if she wasn't pregnant.
"Don't fall in love, Kevin. Shit gets difficult when you do." CJ mumbled to the Yorkie, who only tilted his head and licked her nose. On e she got back from her doctor's appointment, CJ opened the back door so the dogs could get out and then trudged up to bed to think. Lola had opted for going to lay in the sunlight while Kevin followed CJ up the stairs and stared at her while she was thinking. She deeply appreciated his companionship.
"I know. You love Seth unconditionally. He could never break your heart, though." CJ assured, scratching Kevin behind his ears and pulling out her phone to find a golf course. It had been way too long since she played a round and she missed the sounds that came with being on a golf course. The cracks of a club hitting the ball cleanly, aggravated shouts if frustration when some unlucky guy hit their ball into a hazard spot. It was all so freeing to CJ and she found that her clearest thinking was done while she was golfing.
After calling and reserving a time for her to play the front nine, CJ went over to the walk in closet she and Seth shared. The sight of her clothes sharing the same closet was something that stunned her every time she looked into the closet. She really never expected to have that with anybody so sharing such a thing with Seth was incredible to her, although the circumstances behind their unity were a bit off.
"There's my polo, where are my- here we go." She mumbled, pulling the khaki colored jeans from their hanger and draping them across her arm. "Seth would've loved seeing me in these pants. Aren't you a lucky boy, Kev? But where are my golf shoes?"
As if on cue, the Yorkie hopped from the bed and trotted into the closet. CJ watched as he yipped at the shoe cubby shelves before making a bed out of a pair of Seth's sweatpants that were left on the floor. She squatted in front of the shelving and closely scanned to see that Seth had unpacked her shoes before leaving even through she had asked him not to.
"Too smart for your own good." She playfully chided, leaning over and kissing the top of his little head before standing and getting dressed. She left her golf shoes off and carried them and Kevin downstairs, deposited Kevin in the backyard with Lola and shut the door to ensure that he used the bathroom before he and Lola were locked in the house for the next couple hours. She then took her golf shoes out to her car and put them in the trunk before opening up the garage, revealing that the two car garage was half filled with all of Seth's home-gym stuff and the other side was inhabited by his car, and got her golf clubs from where they sat alongside his chin-up bar. Taking a moment to smooth down the head of her stuffed tiger head cover, she couldn't help the smile on her face at the memory of when she was given it.
CJ had been invited to go golfing with JBL, Ron Simmons, and John Cena while they were in Miami for WM28. Of course, they were all men and basically teased her the whole time, but it was all in good fun. CJ had gone in with JBL to get their scorecards and, while JBL was signing autographs for all the people working in the pro shop(since CJ was practically unknown at the moment), a certain head cover had caught her eye. Sure the stuffed tiger was kind of childish and a bit tacky, and next to the stuffed lion she got from Adam that covered her 3-wood it would look like she had a safari in her bag, but she couldn't help but fall in love as soon as she saw it.
"What's caught your eye, little lady?" JBL asked, placing his hand on her head in an affectionate manner. It was something she had gotten used to from the older man since they had warmed up to each other through various backstage conversations. He was the funny uncle she never had and she loved the older man like an uncle.
"That tiger."
"Get a better score than me and I'll buy it for you." He offered and she rose an eyebrow. "You can even play from the red tee boxes and it'll count."
"I could totally just pay for it on my own." CJ stated, placing her left hand on her hip.
"You could, but what's a little friendly competition going to hurt?"
"I guess it wouldn't hurt anything. Don't get fussy when I beat you." CJ teased and JBL chuckled as they left the pro shop.
"Watch your cocky, squirt."
"So, Cena, what's my score?" CJ asked as she sent a smirk to JBL before looking to Cena, who was in charge of keeping track of her scorecard while she managed soon-to-be Hall of Famer Ron Simmons' scorecard.
"You, my dear, shot a seventy three. That's only two over par here."
"What about ol' Bradshaw?" CJ asked, smiling sweetly at Ron. The older man only chuckled and pat his good frond on the shoulder.
"Seventy five." He chuckled and reached out to shake her hand. "You impressed me, girl."
"That was my goal. Thank you, sir."
"Call me Ron."
"Well, squirt, let's go buy that head cover." JBL spoke with a smile, not at all ashamed of his loss. It was only a twenty dollar head cover.
Looking back at that time, CJ still felt honored to get to play a round with three legends. She would never forget the loud "damn" that Ron let out when she hit her ball of the first tee straight down the fairway. It was then obvious to her that not one of the men in their little foursome knew that she could actually keep up with them, and she prided herself on that.
Giving the tiger another pat, CJ lifted her bag and carried it to her open trunk. She placed it in the trunk with the upmost care and made sure that her shoes weren't being smushed beneath her bag before slamming it shut.
"Hello." To say that she wasn't expecting a stranger to be standing behind her would've been a huge understatement, since she nearly jumped onto her car in surprise. "I really didn't mean to sneak up on you like that. I thought you had heard me."
"You're fine." CJ breathe, holding her hand over her rapidly heart, certain that she'd have to move if everybody here snuck up on her while she had her back turned to introduce themselves.
"I'm Sierra. I just moved in across the street and I thought of introducing myself and bringing over apology cupcakes for blocking your driveway." It was then that CJ noticed the food container in her hands and nodded, taking the container in her left hand and offering her right to shake.
"I'm CJ. I live here with my boyfriend Seth, who is in the UK right now."
"That's exciting. You look like you're getting ready to go, so I'll see you around."
"Alrighty. Have a nice day."
"You, too." Sierra called as she headed back across the street and CJ looked down at the container as she entered the house through the garage, pushing the button to close it on her way into the kitchen.
Did everybody here catch some Martha Stewart seminar? Or am I the only woman in the world who isn't crafty and sucks at baking? CJ thought to herself, leaving the cupcakes on the counter and going to let the dogs in. Like Seth had instructed, she laid down a pad for them to pee on while she was gone for the next couple hours before she slipped into a pair of shoes that she could drive in, grabbed her car keys, made sure the dogs had enough food and water, and then headed out the door.
The drive to the golf course was easy, CJ would always be thanking god for GPS, and it wasn't too long before she was lining up at the first tee. The golf course was basically empty so it was near quiet, save for the sounds of nature, and coupled with the feeling of the gentle breeze through her tightly tied ponytail was lulling her into a state of complete relaxation.
Back...and through. Hold the pose. CJ mentally coached herself through her practice swing before stepping up to her already teed ball and lining up her shot.
Golfing was something that Adam's mom introduced her to. She was sixteen and had just moved to Toronto so she was a little short on friends, so Judith found a way to get through to CJ and bond with the introvert. Of course, she had no clue what she was doing so it she was terrible and it was a frustrating experience at first, but once she got the hang of it, golf became an escape. An escape from everything, but most importantly it made her forget that she was Chris Jericho's bastard child that meant less than a cent Canadian to him.
She was doing fine on the golf course until she got to the putting green on the ninth hole. It was then that she realized that the last time she had putted was with Dean. Back when he was just her creepy stalker/unwanted protector and she hadn't gotten speared. She wasn't pregnant, and she wasn't in love with him or his best friend. She didn't want to be cuddled all the time and didn't mind sleeping alone. Seth was still just her friend with benefits and she was still blissfully independent and loved every second of it.
But then feelings got in the way and turned the last five months into an emotional roller coaster. She was now pregnant, loved cuddling, hated sleeping alone, was in love with both Dean and Seth, was now dating Seth, and was dependent on everybody but herself for everything and hated every second of being so dependent.
She was weak. She always had been. In her honest opinion, she a fool to believe that she'd ever be strong enough to handle herself. How was she going to care for a family? Having children looking to her for guidance? Taking care of Seth and dogs, too? Being practically a single mother because Seth would be on the road two hundred nights a year? She knew that there was no way she'd be able to handle it all on her own because she was weak and miserable. This was going to be very bad in the end. She could feel it.
My brother gave me his old playstation and a few of his old games so I've been a bit distracted from writing and spent all of yesterday reliving the late nineties/early 2000's. But yay for a new chapter.
Thanks to ArtisticLullaby, Sarcastic Nightmare, angelsdee327, Ubersassynova, ChelleLew, UntilNeverDawns, MulishaMaiden, and AshleighxAwesome for reviewing the last chapter. I appreciate it!