CHAPTER
NINE
Next
Time Around
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The Impala - Present Day
"It said we had a deal," Dean finished. He remembered the Braken entering his mind, violating his memories and invading his thoughts to see if his soul was worth trading. But Sammy didn't need to know that part. "It left this message in my head... 'eight-hundred days'. Then I passed out. When I came to the demon was gone. I told dad that I finished the ritual and banished the thing...I started to believe it myself. Guess I'm a better liar than I gave myself credit for."
Sam had been listening quietly. Somewhere during in the story he had pulled over. To say he was shocked would be an understatement. "You...you actually offered this demon your soul?"
"It was going to take dad's. I had no choice."
Sam couldn't seem to wrap his head round it. No wonder Dean hadn't wanted him to call their father. John would be beyond furious. "I can't believe you would do something so reckless. Well, okay, I can, but making a deal with a demon? You know better than that. You knew better than that."
"Yeah, well you weren't there."
Sam looked away. "I'm sorry."
Dean realised what his previous statement had sounded like. "No, I didn't mean..."
"I know what you meant. I'm still sorry," Sam interrupted. "I know it was a rough time back then. It was for me too. I keep wondering if I made the right decision. Maybe if I had stayed with you this would have never happened..."
"Don't do that," Dean said harshly. "This isn't your fault. And it wasn't your fault for leaving back then. Me and dad...we were selfish to think you'd stay forever. I think he knew for a while that you'd want something better than a life of hunting."
Sam couldn't help thinking about what Dean had said in the car after the Braken had attacked him;
"I'm sorry about everything. You deserved a normal life. I was selfish to want you back, to ask you to come."
Sam wondered if Dean remembered saying it.
"You're worth more than this, more than me."
Did Dean truly believe that? That somehow he was worth less than Sam, less than John? For Dean to offer his own soul up to a demon like that, it would seem like a plausible explanation, if a worrying one. Was this the reason Dean had been reluctant to tell him what had happened?
"I understand why you did what you did. You were trying to save dad." Sam told his brother. Though it was a shock, Sam really did understand. It was no secret that Dean would die for their father, so why not an even greater sacrifice? "But I don't understand why you didn't just tell me all this to start with. You may not have had a choice back then, but you had a choice after I told you about my vision. You should have told me. We could have got hold of this ritual and stopped the damn demon before it attacked you."
Attacked. Sam didn't know what other word to use. He couldn't quite bring himself to give the horrific experience Dean had been through a name. Giving it a name made it real. Too real.
"I know I should have told you, I'm sorry," Dean admitted. "It was my mistake. I wanted to keep you out of it."
Sam knew he meant; 'keep you safe'. It was all Dean seemed to do; protect other people. No matter what the cost. Sam looked out the window. The night was drawing in. "We should find somewhere to stop," he said, starting up the Impala. "We can use salt circles for tonight, then head to the nearest library or occultist bookshop in the morning and look for the banishing ritual. The next time the bastard comes, we'll be ready."
Dean smiled. Telling Sam what had happened actually felt better than he had imagined it would. It was like a weight had been lifted from his chest. Sam had taken it better than he had expected. For a second, Dean had almost fallen for all the talk about fighting the Braken together. But he knew there was no fighting it. It was too strong. Dean had to keep Sammy safe. He had already insured that he would be.
"I was thinking of making him the same deal I made with you..."
"Don't."
"What are you going to do to stop me?"
"I won't fight. Stay away from him and you can take what you want from me. But if you so much as show your face to my brother, I will not stop until I see you burn."
"Dean Winchester, we have a deal."
There was just one more thing left to do, and then it would be over.
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It was raining when Sam and Dean finally arrived in the anonymous town in which they found a motel. After checking in under the name 'Howard', Sam went up to the room while Dean got some coffee and snacks from the vending machines at the end of the hall.
"They only had healthy snacks," Dean said with disgust. "So I didn't bother."
Sam smirked and finished pouring the salt circle around the two beds. He took his coffee from Dean and sat down. "Don't forget to take your pills," he reminded Dean.
Dean didn't think there was much point, but he took them anyway. There was no sense in starting an argument now, not with what was to come.
"I've been thinking," Sam started.
Dean felt his heart sink. "Should I be worried?"
Sam ignored the attempt at humour. "I think we should call dad."
"We already went over this," Dean sighed. "I don't want you to call him, and he doesn't give a damn anyway."
"That's not true," Sam argued, but he had a difficult time putting all of his sincerity in it. Who knew what went through that man's head? Maybe he really didn't give a damn. It sure felt like that sometimes. But whether or not John really gave a crap about his sons was beside the point. "Besides, with his help maybe we can stop this thing sooner. If we explained what was going on..."
"No!" Dean shouted. So much for not starting an argument. "I mean it, Sam. He doesn't find out, ever!"
Sam didn't raise his own voice to meet Dean's. Dean had finally admitted what had happened, but the air was still rife with tension and Sam didn't want to fight. They needed to stick together on this. "You said you still wanted to find him. What if this brings him to us?"
Dean didn't answer the question.
"What are you so afraid of?" Sam pushed. "That he'll find out that you saved his life? Saved his soul?"
"He's not going to find out a saved him," Dean replied bitterly. "He's going to find out that I screwed up."
Sam finally understood. Dean's eternal need to please, his undying loyalty...Sam knew John didn't take it as seriously as he should. Hell, here Dean was, suffering a fate worse than death for him, and he where was he? Sam wanted to assure Dean that John would be grateful, that he'd understand, but Sam couldn't do it. Their father wasn't exactly best known for his understanding nature. Dean had always been so afraid of letting him down.
"You made a mistake. He'll get over it," Sam offered. It was the best he could manage.
"I told you, he's not going to find out," Dean maintained, masking the revelation he had let slip with forced bravado.
Sam sighed, signally his defeat. "Fine. I won't call him." He took another long sip of his coffee and fished out the laptop from the bag. "I'll find out where the nearest library is."
Dean walked over to the window and looked down to the car park, where the Impala sat. But something was wrong. Not outside, but in the reflection. It wasn't his own. The Braken's sinister features stood there where his own should have been. Dean choked back a gasp and closed the blinds. It was now or never.
"What made you decide to tell me what happened, anyway?" Sam asked.
"I just thought you should know." Dean turned. Sam had given him a window of opportunity. "Before I left."
Sam's gaze immediately snapped up. "What? What are you talking about?"
"The way dad left me, without any word or warning...it hurt. So I'm telling you now what's going to happen. I have to take off, Sam. It's too dangerous for me to stay."
Sam stood up. The laptop fell to the floor but he didn't care. He couldn't believe his ears. "Don't you dare. Don't you give me that crap, not after everything we've been through."
"You know, I never got it," Dean reflected, scarily collected. "I never understood why dad left. Until now."
"I can't believe I'm hearing this." This time Sam let his voice get louder. "You're going to just run away? After all the crap you gave me about going to college, after dad abandoned you, you're going to do exactly the same thing?"
"Yeah. Guess I'm kind of a hypocrite, ain't I?" Dean said, laughing a little.
"This isn't funny," Sam snapped, his whole body trembling with anger. "And you're not going anywhere. I won't let you. We're going to fight this thing, Dean, and we're going to do it together."
"I thought you might say that," Dean said, putting his hands in his pockets. "So I, uh...kinda put some sleeping pills in your coffee."
Sam turned pale and looked like a puppy that had just been kicked out of the house for the first time. "You wouldn't..." He turned his gaze to his coffee mug, which he had set down on the table.
Dean had been waiting for the diversion. Sam never saw it coming. Dean swung his fist with just the right amount of force to knock him unconscious but not leave any lasting damage. "Well, if I had some sleeping pills I would have," Dean muttered, catching Sam's limp body on the way down to the floor. "Sorry Sammy."
Dean manoeuvred Sam onto his bed and picked up the laptop. He set it on the table and began packing up his things.
"Alright, you son of a bitch, I'm leaving," he said, facing the window. "This is the last time you are ever going to be in the same room as my brother, you hear me?"
"I haven't forgotten the deal, Dean."
Dean knew what was coming and wished he didn't. The Braken materialised from the reflection and stood fully manifested. The only thought that kept Dean from passing out from the intense pain as the demon started to feed was the that he was doing it for Sammy. That was all that mattered.
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How Dean made it to the Impala and started it up would be a memory lost to him. The Braken's second attack had been even more harrowing than the first. The emptiness that had been left inside him was crippling now. He felt like he was losing himself, and for all intents and purposes, he was.
But it was for the best.
Dean knew what happened to the Braken's victims. Before they completely lost themselves, they were only part human. He and John had found a couple of them. In hospitals. In sanatoriums. When the demon had taken it all, they weren't human anymore. They were shells of people, existing only to occupy space. Dean had been horrified then. He was terrified now.
But it was for the best.
After a few miles, Dean regained control, but he didn't know how long he could keep it. Another attack and who knew? He could be one of those shells.
Dean checked his mirror. There was no-one else on the road, in front or behind. A glance at the empty space where his brother should have been sitting sent pangs of sadness through him. It had come to this; his worst fear. Dean Winchester was alone. And he was going to die that way.
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End
of Chapter Nine
Next
Chapter: Nothing Brings Me Down