Chapter Thirteen: Lights Off

Three days… three days with nothing to do but read one of the four books she'd brought, sleep or talk to Fiyero. Thank Oz for that last convenience. Otherwise, Elphaba might not have survived. She was sitting next to him on a bench made for one. Their bags were directly across from them on and under the opposite bench, which should've been where Elphaba was sitting. They didn't feel crowded in one another's company, though, and they sat fairly comfortably. Trying desperately to refrain from starting the ride with a heated make-out session, Elphaba had been reading for over two hours when she put down her book. "Fiyero?"

"Huh?" He'd been half asleep. Not an avid reader like she was, he'd amused himself with watching the terrain and had barely noticed when he'd begun to drift off. Noting how cold he suddenly felt, he pulled her into his arms. "What?"

"I know we're sleeping in the same room, but I don't want you to expect anything from me. That doesn't necessarily mean nothing's going to happen, but I'm not certain if I want anything to just yet." She lifted her chin, gazing up at him slightly.

"I wasn't expecting anything." He told her. "But we never finished that conversation about, you know, what might happen."

Elphaba shuddered. "We don't have to," she decided, kissing him.

Fiyero always marveled at how she could persuade him to give in to just about anything. There would be no arguing over the continuation of their discussion, not for that moment. He shifted and slid a hand up her skirt again. Able to feel her move slightly against him to uncross her legs, he grinned inwardly and recklessly pulled at the cloth between her bare flesh and his hands.

She gasped but let him pull it off, afraid she'd hate herself later if she denied her body this miniscule pleasure. When his hand tested the skin, she pushed herself towards him and deepened the kiss. Elphaba groaned lightly as his fingers slipped into her.

He was delighted by what his fingers found, creases of skin soft and tender, just waiting to be caressed and teased, damp depths he yearned badly to venture further into. So he kept up with his journey, not meaning to cause her to yelp when he accidentally poked the thin layer of tissue that signified her virginity. "Oh, shit. Elphaba, I'm sorry." Fiyero pulled his hand away immediately. Horrified, he found a drop or two of blood.

Elphaba shrugged, "It's okay. Doesn't hurt now."

"You're bleeding a little."

She flushed. "Oh."

Quickly he fumbled around the carriage, pulling out his larger travel bag that rested under the seat and rummaging through it to find some sort of cloth. He tugged out a t-shirt he slept in; he felt, then, another hand stop his rummaging. He looked up to meet beautiful hazel eyes, imploring. He put the shirt aside as she kissed him fiercely, passionately, begging him, perhaps, in the most heated passion, to continue. He, however, was taken aback, and broke the kiss to, once again, look her in the eye. His eyes were clear enough: he was confused, even frightened. The latest, though, was his concern for her well-being. He didn't want to hurt her. "Elphaba…?" He asked, his voice full of unease.

"It's okay," she whispered into his ear, and encouraged him to move further onwards. "It's okay."

Taking a deep breath, he kissed her again and moved his hand back. Now knowing where everything was, he hesitated more than before. It was easier, though, knowing that she wanted this. He knew she would stop him if she didn't want this, wouldn't she?

Elphaba breathed, "Do it, please."

He nodded before catching her lips, assuring her that he cared for her, and making her - or rather him - feel more safe and comfortable about her choice. Again, he started his movements, tender, softly, and then moved his hand right into the barrier. As it broke, he felt sick, but didn't yank his hand back.

She tore her lips from his and bit her tongue as hard as she could, squinting. "Don't move," she said, "don't move until I tell you to."

He nodded, taking his other hand and brushing her hair away from her face, stroking her cheek comfortingly. He kissed her in a bleak attempt to comfort her, to distract her from the pain he knew she was suffering. "I'm…"

"No, don't."

After a few moments, she exhaled heavily. "All right. Move."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded frantically, and was still sore, but the stabbing pierce of pain had disappeared and it had become a dull throbbing. As his fingers started to feel around slowly again, Elphaba whimpered, "That kind of feels good."

"That's what I'd hope for." Fiyero replied.

"You can stop. You don't have to," she added, "but if you want to."

He couldn't look at his own fingers. Hastily, he grabbed the nightshirt he was to wear that evening and wiped his hand off without looking down at it. Carefully, he pushed her legs apart and slipped the shirt between them.

"Fiyero, how many clothes are you going to ruin?" She moved to give him better leverage.

"Do you care if I sleep shirtless?" He cleaned her of the blood and then smiled down lovingly into her eyes.

"It's a bit late to ask," she shook her head and smiled. "What difference does it make? I'm not sleeping in your bed. Besides, you've seen enough of me. It's only fair," she smirked.

"That might be true."

"And it's only fair," she began, "that since you touched me like that…" Her hand crept to the waist of his pants, undid the top button and snuck inside.

Fiyero rested his head back against the seat and moaned, "Elphaba, why?"

"My turn to explore," she responded.

"Explore as you wish," he allowed.

And she did.

When he saw the hotel in the distance, she was asleep on his shoulder. He sat up abruptly and woke her. "We have to clean up. Have you stopped bleeding completely?"

"I think so." She pulled the shirt away. "What do we do with this?"

He grabbed it, staring straight ahead, and shoved it in the bottom of his bag. "We'll throw it out tonight."

"Hopefully I'm done bleeding."

"I may not be allowed to be sorry, but I don't like hurting you and I feel bad."

"It's all right." She kissed his cheek and they gathered everything until the carriage looked as it had just after they'd placed their bags inside. When he helped her out of the carriage, she felt a slight ache, but knew that was how it would be and forgot about it. They met up with Glinda and Nessa, checked in and headed to the two rooms that were up two flights of stairs, down three hallways and next to one another. Mumbling goodnight to her sister and to Glinda, she ambled into the room she'd share with Fiyero, dropped her bags and collapsed on one of the two twin beds.

Fiyero placed his things near the other bed, which was next to hers but separated from being very close by two bedside tables with lamps on each of them. He dug through his bag, threw out the bloodied shirt and sat down on his bed, looking at Elphaba. "You all right?"

"Yeah," she muttered. "Look, I don't know how we're going to do this, but I need to clean up and change for bed."

"I'll just change in the bathroom. Is that okay?"

"Sure. I'll probably take longer than you will, because I need to, in a way, wash up."

"I do, too, Elphaba, I'm just going to shower. I think I'll probably be out about the same time you're finished."

"Just ask before coming back in?"

"Of course." He got up, bent over her bed and kissed her before grabbing his bag and heading into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Elphaba stumbled to unzip her dress and then let it drop. She tugged off everything and went back to her bags for the oil. For a moment, she found herself staring at herself in a mirror. There was no blood on her thighs, like she'd worried there might be, and she looked like she probably always did naked. But she hated it. If he ever saw her like that, he wouldn't be so quick to want her, she was sure. How could he care for her, even seeing what she looked like with clothes? He certainly couldn't if he ever saw her like this, no, not ever. Resolving that if they ever did make love, they'd do it in the dark, she grumbled to herself and finished cleaning up. Hastily, she pulled on her nightclothes and sat atop her bed, trying to forget the humiliation she felt at the thought of him seeing her.

He knocked on the bathroom door and asked, "Is it okay if I come back in, now?"

"Yes," she called back.

Fiyero stood there, shirtless and completely unashamed. He jumped onto her bed playfully. "I know you don't think so, but I think we need to finish that conversation."

"Tonight?"

"As soon as we can." He grabbed her hand and kissed it. "There's not much more to say, I promise."

"Fine, let's finish it."

"What was that about, back in the carriage?"

Taking both of his hands but not looking him in the eyes, she said, "Fiyero, it was breaking it then or breaking it whenever it just so happens that we… do something. It was going to hurt. I don't want it to hurt the first time. That's not what I want to remember, not when it's supposed to be so wonderful, so good. I won't let that ruin it. Fiyero," she reminded him, "you were going to break it anyway. All that that did was make it less awkward and less messy, okay?" Elphaba squeezed his hands. "Did you want to end up thinking about our first time as me wincing and yelling in pain and blood all over the both of us? Come on."

She was right. In fact, it was completely logical. But he hated hurting her. "Well, I guess that makes sense."

"See?" She reached up and kissed his nose good-naturedly.

"I have more to say, in light of that conversation we'd been having. You know I'd never hurt you if I could help it. I want you to swear to me that when we do, you know, you'll tell me if I do anything wrong, anything that makes you uncomfortable."

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "You think I wouldn't?"

"Just making sure."

She stared at him quietly. How could a man so handsome have affection for her? Then she remembered what she'd been thinking of earlier. "No lights on, if and when, okay?"

"What?"

"Having the lights off seems more," she tried to find an excuse, "intimate, more romantic. I don't know. That's just how it seems to me, anyway."

"Okay. If you want the lights off, you get what you want." He nodded.

"Thank you." She leaned over and kissed him, running her hands along his chest. Elphaba marveled at the feel of his skin and moved her head down to kiss along his muscles. "You're so beautiful."

"So are you." He smiled at her and kissed her forehead.

She shook her head.

He caught her chin with his hand and forced her to look up at him. Kissing her on the mouth, he whispered, "You are. I promise."

Elphaba didn't bother to fight him, she just shrugged.

He got up and plopped comfortably onto his own bed. "Goodnight, Elphaba."

"Come back here," she pleaded.

"Huh?"

She was thinking with about the same confusion. What was she doing? "I just want to sleep next to you. Nothing more. If you're all right with that, I mean."

"I'm more than all right with that."

She moved over as he climbed into the bed with her. It was small, as the bed was meant to fit one person, but they felt no discomfort at being that near one another, and so it was fine. When he wrapped his arms around her and settled back in to sleep, she sighed happily and closed her eyes. "Thank you. Good night, my sweet."

He stayed awake for a few minutes. That was the first time she'd called him anything other than his name.