Roman didn't know what song was playing on the radio. What he did know was that his head hurt and that Dean obviously liked it due to how loud the blonde was singing along. As much as Roman wanted to kindly ask Dean to shut the hell up, he saw that Dean was no longer white knuckling the steering wheel like he had been during the first hour of their journey. Seeing as they were three and a half hours in, he didn't know when in the last two and a half hours Dean had relaxed, but he didn't mind Dean relaxing a bit.
He was always so tense these days, a bit more erratic and unpredictable than usual, and it was beginning to worry the Samoan. All the dives and practically begging to be hit in matches fit the usual Ambrose demeanor, but it was almost to the point where he was intentionally putting himself in positions like he was begging for his body to be punished. Whether or not it had to do with what happened between him an CJ, Roman could only guess, but he had a pretty strong feeling that Dean's fuck-up that pushed her to Seth was probably the biggest dick move Dean had ever made in his lifetime of being a total asshole to people.
"What song is this, man?" Roman asked over the music; fighting a chuckle when the blonde's singing stopped immediately and he slowly turned his head to look at Roman, blue eyes wide and mouth agape with shock before he looked back to the road.
"Billy Idol. Rebel Yell. How you don't know this song, I will never know." Dean responded, shaking his head at his teammate before drinking some of his coffee that he got from a 7-Eleven before getting on the freeway in Indianapolis and then going back to singing along. It was amusing to Roman and, if his head didn't hurt so bad, he'd definitely be recording the blonde's sing-a-long and his little driving dance that consisted of slightly off-beat head bobbing, his fingers tapping the steering wheel along with the drum beat, and his torso was doing some odd switching from swaying and shimmying depending on the part of the song. Something that anybody who wasn't accustomed to seeing him dance while driving would see as Dean having a seizure. But to Roman, it was just Dean.
Yes, Roman's head hurt like a motherfucker and turning the radio would definitely help. But seeing Dean this relaxed was rare, and Roman wasn't going to put a damper on the blonde's version of therapy just yet. He needed all the relaxation he could get before this war got uglier than it already was. He'd gladly take two alive and put up with it for the next couple hours instead of ruining Dean's little slice of happiness.
"Fuck, yes. Red Hot Chili Peppers."
The radio almost never went Dean's way, somehow always finding the song he didn't want to hear at that moment in time. But tonight, the radio was on his younger brother's side and Roman was happy for the blonde. He could have put his headphones on to block out some of the noise at the very least, but listening to Dean sing along to the radio as if he could breathe properly without some kind of pain brought some peace to Roman while the realization of the new situation started sinking in.
It was now just him and Dean against the world. Their dog pack of three was now just a dog pack of two, and they lost their youngest. Now Dean was the pup of their pack and, although the blonde was wise beyond his years, Roman was going to see to it that this war didn't mess him up too badly. Dean may not want Roman mothering him, but that's what was going to start happening because they both needed to be in top shape so they could properly watch each other's backs. Roman needed to make sure that Dean was staying healthy; getting enough sleep, eating enough(and eating right), drinking and smoking less(neither habit had to cease completely since Roman knew Dean would go nuts without booze and nicotine), and keeping as level a head as possible. That last one would be hard, since Seth's betrayal probably royally mindfucked Dean, but Roman was up to the task.
But he had to make sure Dean was fully aware of what was going on. So Roman gingerly leaned forward, turning the radio down a bit to grab Dean's attention. Dean looked over at him cautiously, wincing with the Samoan as he shifted back into seat that was adjusted to an angle that didn't totally bother his back.
"Was it bothering you?" Dean asked, returning his gaze back to the road. Dean may have been a fast driver, especially on the freeway, but he didn't like keeping his eyes off the road for long. Roman appreciated that. Seth was always easily distracted and-
Stop yourself there, Reigns. He's gone. No more Seth thoughts unless it's about beating answers out of him. Roman scolded himself, knowing that thinking about Seth would get him nowhere with Dean at the moment.
"Ro?" Dean asked after Roman neglected to answer his question. "Fucking talk to me."
"You can turn it back up in a second. I just wanted to ask you something."
"Fire away." Dean mumbled, tentatively glancing over at Roman. His eyes snapped right back to the road ahead of them, his foot easing on the brake to gradually slow the car down from ninety miles an hour to sixty, since the tension was settling in.
"I just wanted to make sure that you were still with me. Seth left for god knows why and-"
"Like you said a few hours ago. We're brothers. Seth may have taken our trust in him and fucked us in the ass with it, but I'd never do that to you and I trust that you wouldn't do that to me."
"So you're aware that it's us against the world?" Roman asked, raising an eyebrow when Dean looked over at him.
"It's always been me against the world." Dean mumbled with a shrug, looking back over to the road. "Having a partner will certainly make the battle easier."
"Not a partner. A brother."
"You're right. A brother." Dean corrected himself, nodding in agreement. Things fell silent between the two, Dean looking over at Roman who had his eyes shut tight in obvious pain, and the blonde decided not to turn the radio up in an effort to not make the Samoan's headache worse. He could hear the music just fine, anyways, it didn't need to be any louder.
CJ hadn't been able to sleep. After an hour of Adam assuring her that she wasn't to blame for Seth's betrayal, she had told him that she was going to bed. Only instead of going to sleep, she got in their bed and tried her hardest to get a hold of Seth. Phone calls, texts, FaceTime calls, she even sent him a direct message on twitter after ignoring the message from Natalya wanting to rekindle their friendship.
Even though in the back of her mind she knew this wasn't the case, she felt like she had lost Seth completely. Why else would he be completely ignoring her? She was always paranoid about him not wanting her because she was pregnant and her worst fear was slowly being realized and she could feel her stomach start to churn.
She didn't want to lose Seth. She needed Seth. She couldn't lose him because she loved him. He supposedly loved her which meant that he wouldn't leave her, especially after he waited so long to get her. She specifically remembered him telling her that he'd never give her up now that he finally had her. Hopefully this turn to the dark side didn't make him completely throw away his love for her. As much as she loved Dean, she couldn't imagine a life without Seth and his teddy bear ways.
It was three thirty in the morning, and she was certain that something was severely wrong with her. She was crying over a man, shaking and hyperventilating, instead of sleeping. She was losing control of her relationship, of herself, and she didn't know what to do. She was panicking, but she didn't know it.
She heard the faint sound of the front door opening and closing, and decided that she was hallucinating. She had to be. Seth wouldn't be home so soon, especially if he was ending things with her. So she did the only thing that sounded logical to her. She called her shrink.
Tapping her covered leg anxiously while the phone rang, CJ started praying for Dr. Thompson to answer her phone. Slowly but surely, her tapping hand gripped some of her wavy blonde locks right when the phone picked up.
"Christina, is this an emergency?"
"My stomach hurts, and I'm freaking the hell out." CJ whispered into the phone, looking to the doorway to see two figures in all black. "I think I'm hallucinating and I'm losing Seth and I can't stop shaking and I think I'm dizzy and I don't know what to do." She rambled, feeling herself get pulled into a strong set of arms and her phone was gently pried from her hands. Dean glanced at the screen before putting the phone up to his ear.
"Christina?"
"Uh, no. What can I do to help her?"
"I think she may be suffering from a panic attack. Get her to the ER immediately. Don't ask any questions, just go." Dean quickly hung up and looked to Roman, who was looking at CJ with concern.
"We have to get her to the ER." Dean informed, gently scooping CJ up and holding her trembling form close to his chest. "Deep breaths, sweetheart. We're gonna take care of you."
"Dean?" She whispered as he carried her down the stairs and he nodded, ignoring the screaming pain in his back while he carried her, focusing on keeping her calm and not dropping her. "My chest hurts."
"It's going to be okay. I promise." He whispered his assurances as he walked passed Roman, who was holding the door open. "You good to drive?"
"I'm good. She's priority right now." Roman spoke calmly, jogging ahead to open the passenger's side door open for Dean. Neither bothered with seatbelts, Roman just started the car and quickly backed out of the driveway.
"Fuck the speed limit." Dean instructed, smoothing her hair down and holding her head close to his heart in hopes that his heartbeat would calm her down just a little bit. He felt her tears soak into his shirt and buried his face into her hair, disappointed in himself for not being there earlier. He knew that there was nothing he could have done to get there faster than when he and Roman showed up, but that didn't quell his disappointment.
Five minutes later, Roman pulled into the ER entrance of some hospital and Dean quickly got out of the car. CJ was almost like a feather in his arms, an uncontrollably shaking feather, but easy to manage none the less as he rushed into the empty ER.
"Can I help you, sir?" The nurse at the reception desk asked and Dean carried CJ over.
"Yeah, she's having a panic attack and I was told to bring her here. She said that her chest and stomach hurt and that she was dizzy. I don't know what to do."
"I need you to fill out this form, and bring it back to me so we can get her into a bed and take a look."
"I'll be able to go back with her, right?"
"Of course." The nurse assured as Dean took the clipboard from her and he turned to face Roman, who took the clip board from him and stood in front of the desk with him while Dean told him what to write down. It wasn't too long before a doctor brought him to the back and he set CJ down in the exam table/bed. Roman couldn't come back with them, but he needed to sit down anyways so Dean was grateful.
"Don't leave me." CJ requested and Dean shook his head, taking her hand in his. He was in shock, having never seen her so desperate before, he couldn't help but comply.
"Even if you wanted me gone, I'd be right here beside you." He assured as the doctor came in and questioned her, took her blood pressure, checked her heart rate, made a stupid joke in an attempt to calm their nerves(it really only made her worry more and pissed Dean off), and confirmed that she was having a panic attack. He left for a few minutes, coming back with a pill in a cup that both blondes looked at curiously.
"She's pregnant. Is that going to-"
"It's a one time thing, unless her psychotherapist prescribes it, and it shouldn't have any ill effects on her or the baby."
"Thanks." CJ mumbled, quickly taking the pill and downing the glass of water. "This should calm me down?"
"It should. I'd like to keep you for the rest of the night to monitor your status and symptoms, and you should be able to go in the morning."
"Thanks, doc. What room will she be in?"
"208. The nurse will take you two there."
Roman and Dean were enjoying the silence of the hospital at four in the morning, Roman was sitting in a chair by her bedside and Dean had somehow been convinced by the woman to lay in bed with her. He knew it was wrong because she was still Seth's girlfriend, not his, but he couldn't deny her. He was certain that Roman had fallen asleep, and CJ was out as soon as her head hit his chest, so he got his phone out of his pocket so he could inform Adam and Seth about what happened. He didn't want to text Seth, but she was his girlfriend so he had to.
'I know you probably want nothing to do with me after what I did to CJ but I had to take her to the ER because she was having a panic attack. They gave her some pill and are keeping her until the morning to monitor her symptoms but she should be released in the morning. I thought you would want to know sooner from me rather than later when she woke up and felt like calling.'
'Thank you Dean. It means a lot that you still think of me even after everything I said to you'
'I deserved every word.'
"Dean?" CJ mumbled, glancing up at him curiously.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you. I don't know why you were in Davenport, but thank you for being here."
"Ro and I wanted to know if you knew anything about why Seth turned dark side. I don't think you do, though."
"All he said was that our lives were about to get better. He didn't say how or why, and watching what he did to you guys was absolutely sickening." He could hear her heart rate start to increase as she spoke and quickly set to calming her down.
"Calm down, honeybee. I don't want you to have another panic attack." Dean knew that she found his voice soothing, so he'd use that to his advantage. "I let Adam know about this ER trip, and I was about to text Seth but-"
"No. He may still be my boyfriend, but I don't trust him right now."
"That's fair." Dean mumbled, stifling a yawn to the best of his ability. He didn't want to go to sleep now that he had CJ in his arms.
"Go to sleep, Dean."
"Will you be sleeping, too?"
"Yes." CJ mumbled, smilie on her face at the realization that he was still attached to her like she was to him. Only she was at a point where she was scared to be alone. She felt that if she would lose control again if she was left alone abs she didn't want that. She hated being vulnerable like this. "I need to go see my therapist tomorrow."
"Can I go with you? Or is that weird?"
"I don't want to be alone, Dean. Dr. Thompson should be fine with it."
"We can talk about it later. Get some sleep, CJ."
"Okay."
When CJ pulled Dean into Irene's office, it was an unexpected surprise for the therapist. But after her unexpected panic attack the night before, Irene just wanted the young blonde to be comfortable. So Irene just made a note of Dean's arrival before looking the dishwater blonde up and down. Simple jeans, a plain white tshirt, and a leather jacket, hair looking like he had just woken up from a nap, and eyes betraying just how tired he was as he took a seat on the chaise lounge chair and CJ went to her usual spot by the window. She stayed quiet, and Irene made sure to make notes of her posture.
Dean wasn't sure what was going on. He thought that you went to a therapist to talk, not stare out a window and let some shrink write about it. He was about to get up and get her, but Irene stopped him.
"Give her a minute. She'll start in the next minute or so." Irene said softly, noting how Dean fidgeted nervously as he looked around the room. "Is there anything you'd like to talk about?"
"I don't need therapy, lady. I appreciate the offer, but this is about her. I'm here to support her."
"Alright. But you are open to talk about things, as well. It may be her session but we spend about half of it staring at each other." Irene informed, shifting in her chair so she was leaning against the arm and facing CJ's back. "So, Miss Copeland, what happened last night?"
"I felt like I was losing control. I was losing control. I'm losing Seth." She mumbled, tracing a pattern on the window while she spoke. Dean had never seen her do standoffish before, it worried him.
"What makes you say that?"
"Seventeen calls and about twenty three sent texts that haven't gotten a reply. I don't know where he is or what he's doing, I'd say that's lost. Not to mention the fact that he just betrayed two men that were fucking brothers to him last night, why can't he be cheating on me as we speak?"
Dean wanted to answer her question to speak in Seth's defense, he really did, but he only shrugged. Irene made note of the obvious pain in Dean's eyes, mostly likely still hurting both physically and emotionally from Seth's betrayal. It obviously had hurt CJ just to see it happen, because she loved Dean and Seth, watching Seth strike Dean was probably too much for her to handle and made her snap.
"Who's to say that he won't turn on me? Turn me in to be a puppet of The Authority like they've wanted since April?" Her tirade continued and Dean had enough, standing and making his way over to the window to stand beside her. He forced her to face him and made sure that he had her eye contact before he spoke.
"That's not going to happen, because Roman and I won't let that happen. I'd take a thousand chair shots before I let him turn on you and those two babies you're carrying. I love you- and them- too much to let that happen, CJ. Okay?" Dean spoke firmly, CJ nodding slowly as the tears welled up in her eyes. "I didn't mean to make you cry, sweetheart, but-" He stopped short when CJ wrapped her arms around his torso, burying her face into his chest and letting her tears flow free.
Irene made note of the obvious trust CJ had in Dean, the way Dean wasn't sure what to do when she cried and hesitantly wrapped his arms around her. When he adjusted to her openly needing his comfort in public, he kissed the top of her head and left his face there as his hand started gently caressing her back. He may not have liked seeing her cry and he may not have been sure of how to go about comforting her, but he knew how to comfort himself using her presence, which in turn comforted her. It was human, yet almost mechanical how they operated together, and it was almost beautiful to the therapist.
'One probably won't function properly without the other in their life. My assumption is that Dean needs Christina like that, but she is also severely dependent on him.'
Roman was tending to the dogs while Dean and CJ were out talking to her therapist. Once they were fed and watered, he got himself a glass of water when a gift card left on the counter caught his eye. It was colorful and instantly Roman was curious, since neither CJ nor Seth were "colorful store" people.
"Babies R Us? Why am I always the last to know things like this?" He asked himself, slamming the card back on the counter before pulling out his phone. Fully intent on angrily texting Dean until a knock sounded on the door.
Without even thinking about what it would look like to have him in Seth's house after Seth's betrayal, Roman answered the door shirtless and looked down at the woman who was on the doorstep.
"You're not CJ." She stated, looking around Roman for what he assumed was CJ.
"Neither are you. She's out right now."
"I made her cookies because last night really threw her for a loop. So, you can take these- and hopefully me- and tell her Michelle stopped by?"
"Uh, sure." Roman mumbled, scratching the back of his neck as he took the plate from the shorter brunette woman. "I'll tell her you stopped by."
"Thank you. Have a great day, Roman. I hope your back feels better soon." Michelle called as she cut through the yard to get back into hers and Roman chuckled as he reentered the house, looking down at the plate of cookies as he went. They looked good and so did the neighbor.
Irene felt like she had reached a breakthrough with CJ, and she had to give Dean credit where it was due. He relaxed CJ, calmed her down when she was getting hysterical, and just mellowed her out. Having Dean there made certain questions easier to ask, and she learned that both Dean and Seth were the fathers of her children. The care Dean had for CJ was heart warming to Irene, like he was a constant support even if there was one time where he wasn't as supportive as he would've liked to be. But that was the past and they were working toward a bright future.
"So Dean, knowing that CJ harbors feelings for both you and Seth, have you thought about the possibility sharing CJ with Seth?" Dean felt CJ tense up beside him as Irene asked this question, and he couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his lips. He never thought he'd be talking to a therapist about his love life.
"At first, no. There was no way in hell. But now circumstances are a bit different and I need to be with her. Not just for our child's sake but for my own, and I would share her with Seth. But it's not like she's some shiny toy on the playground, what she wanted would always come first."
Irene noted the way CJ slipped her hand into his and the small smile that appeared on his face when she did so. But as soon as it came, it was gone, and the seriousness of the situation came settling back in.
"Is there something wrong with me, Dr. Thompson?" CJ asked quietly, feet kicking at the carpet. Irene realized that kicking her feet was a nervous habit of CJ's, which was why she preferred standing over sitting. It was harder to kick your feet when you were standing on them, and now that she was sitting her feet were kicking away.
"In my professional opinion, last night was a result of too much stress on your body. Being pregnant, stressing out like this was bad. Luckily, you didn't collapse and fall on your stomach."
"What do you think stressed her out?" Dean asked, cautiously looking down at CJ. Her head was down, looking down at her lap, and he could tell that she was embarrassed about being unable to handle her stress levels. He'd assure her in the car that it was nothing to be ashamed about.
"Based on what she told me she was feeling, a number of things. Being alone, her fear of losing Seth, worry for you and your teammate after the assault, being pregnant in general, and ultimately, the feeling that she was losing control of her situation."
Dean only nodded, trying to figure out a way to help with those things. CJ's gears were obviously turning as well, but he wasn't sure what could be going through her mind at the moment as the egg timer beside Irene's chair started to ding and Irene gently bopped it to cease the noise.
"You still have to do that homework I told you to do yesterday, call me if you're undergoing another emergency, and try not to think too hard about this. You'll stress yourselves out." Irene instructed, looking to the blondes as they stood and CJ pushed Dean out of the room. They were an interesting couple.
I don't know how this chapter got so long, but I couldn't sleep last night and I was really feeling the writing grind. So two chapters in two days isn't too bad, right?
Thanks to Sarcastic Nightmare, andgelsdee327, Dixiewincerites12, UntilNeverDawns, Kdaniels270, and TaijiaK for reviewing the last chapter!