She woke in a moving carriage, blinking and finding only darkness. For a moment, she panicked, thinking she'd somehow gone blind. But then the realization that it was night and that the carriage was unlit came to her, and the sting of liquid on her scalp reminded her what had woken her in the first place. Elphaba wiggled in someone's arms and reached up to touch the cheek where the liquid, no doubt a tear, had likely come from. As her eyes adjusted slightly, Fiyero's facial features came into view, though she could not tell in the bad light if he was indeed crying. Her arm darted about trying to find a light, to reveal this. Brightness soon stung her eyes.
"Elphaba…" He murmured, looking at her with moist eyes, proving to her that he had been the source of the tear. "Are you okay?"
They were alone. Thanks to Fiyero's money, they had gotten two carriages and hadn't had to share them with anyone, as it had been on the way to the city, as well. Elphaba struggled to understand what was going on as the day came back to her, and resentment built. "What are you crying for? You've got me, probably far away enough from the city so that even if I left the carriage I couldn't escape, and you took me out of there. I can't leave you now. Aren't you happy?" She spat.
"I'd be happy if I didn't feel like I had to force you to leave." He said quietly. "I'd be happy if I thought you cared for me enough not to have even considered any of that."
Guilt trip! The words were practically flashing neon in her brain, yet she succumbed to his words. "Fiyero, you know you mean a lot to me. But an idle hand grows restless. What am I supposed to do?"
"What you were going to do! Become what Morrible wants you to become, get a good position…"
"And become some cold-hearted government Wizard's bitch?" She retorted.
"And change things from there, from within. No violence needed. No need to run away, or live alone or leave me. Focus on that."
In all her rage, her fury, Elphaba had not, in fact, considered what Fiyero suggested. But how much could she do from a position she wasn't even guaranteed, a position that could be almost worthless, no less than secretarial duty? As a woman in a sexist society, could she really change much without the means she'd meant to use? She shuddered as Fiyero kissed her forehead. "But…"
"But what? Please." His expression was hurt, was begging. He looked… helpless.
"I can't promise you that I won't end up there and find myself useless. But I'll work for that, for a while. I'll stay at Shiz, let Morrible think she's using me as a pawn, then let the Wizard think the same. From there, we'll see what happens, all right?"
Relief flooded him and he tightened his arms around her. "Thank you. I love you."
He loves me. She could say nothing and left the carriage in silence. Why hadn't she seen these words coming? They'd shocked her so much the first time that she'd fainted, after all. Wouldn't it only make sense that he would say this, though? They had made love, held each other at night… but plenty of people could do that just for pleasure and never need the words Fiyero had just used. Elphaba adjusted herself in his arms and kissed him warmly. "Oh, Fiyero."
"Are you going to respond?" He asked softly.
Damn him! Why did he feel such a need to press her into these things? What made him ask her such questions that she was uncomfortable with? And lastly, why couldn't she just tell him the truth? She loved him, didn't she? He meant more to her than she could bear to admit or understand. Was there something about those things that made it impossible to say? "Sorry. I…" Suddenly, anger fired her again. "Fiyero, why'd you have to say that?"
"What?"
"I could've gotten away. I could've gone on, become my own self…"
"Become terrible and hardened!" He protested.
"If you hadn't had to say those damned words! Any girl would go weak at the knees hearing that from the man she loves, and you just had to do it to me, to prove that I'm normal, too. That I'm more normal than what I pretend."
"'The man she loves'?"
"Yes, Fiyero. I love you. Of course I love you! What kind of idiot are you? Do you think I'd have let you use your hands to cause the virginal blood, let you take me, let you make love to me twice in one night if I didn't love you?"
"People do crazy things." He said.
"True," she sighed. "But you should know me better."
"For all I knew, you could've done all of those things so you wouldn't have to say it, so you'd have an excuse to harbor some rage towards me, so you'd have a reason not to love me because I'd taken you without saying it, or taken you at all."
Elphaba wanted to find something in those words to loathe, to protest, but he had every right to have thought those things. If she did dispute him, she thought, he'd probably be less forgiving. He'd dealt enough with her coldness and staunch attitude already that day to be able to strain himself with much more. She imagined it had taken all the restraint he had not to fight back by then. "So…"
"Nessarose, Glinda and I had a talk before we split up into the carriages, while we were making sure you'd be all right. They're unhappy, Nessa especially, about what I alluded happened between us, and there was no denying it at that point, not after the hotel and everything. I'm sorry for bringing it up."
"You felt you had to," she stated.
"I did."
"I guess it worked, in a way, didn't it?"
"I wish I hadn't had to say any of that." He retorted, not necessarily mad at her, but disappointed.
"I've apologized and confessed my love for you, what more do you want from me?" Elphaba demanded.
"Nothing," he decided. "There isn't anything that can change what happened and change how I think you feel about me."
"Fiyero, you don't understand. I could love you more than anyone in the world, more than I'll ever love anyone, but it's hard for me not to do something when I feel something is unfair, even if it means leaving everything that matters to me. I'd have offered to take you with, but you'd be in danger. I'd rather have known you'd grown older, married some ugly hag, had a few kids and never been hurt than to have you come with me and be killed. What I was going to do wasn't exactly safe."
"I don't care about being safe!"
"And that was exactly the problem. You'd have been killed and I wouldn't have been able to live with myself."
"And you'd have been able to live with leaving me?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. When I get angry and determined, I don't always think things all the way through, okay?"
"I'm glad you can admit that," he grudged her.
Lazily, she ran a finger along his cheek. "I'm sorry." After a pause, she asked, "What else did Glinda and Nessa have to say?"
"Well, Nessa said something along the lines of 'I'm absolutely disgusted at my sister for participating in fornication, and, though I didn't think you were devoutly religious in any sense, either, Fiyero, I can't believe you pressed her into it,'" Fiyero put on a stern expression and stopped moving his hands.
"I'll have to explain to her that no one pressed anyone into anything."
"Let her think what she wants. I don't care."
"No, it's fine. I'll talk to her. Did she threaten to tell my father or anything?"
"Actually, no. She seemed disturbed, a bit surprised, but not as terrified and shocked as she could have."
"What about Glinda?"
"After we loaded Nessa into the carriage, the three of us got into a discussion as to whether or not you and I should be left alone to share the same carriage again. I pointed out that it would be very uncomfortable to, as Nessa says, 'fornicate' in a carriage, so it wouldn't be an issue. Besides, we didn't know when you'd wake up. Anyway, then we had a nice little discussion about the room-sharing situation. You know, Nessa saying 'I thought you two could be trusted together, but apparently not,' and me arguing that we could be trusted together, but it depended on what she trusted of us, and her making a face at me. I managed to remind them that in the hotels along the way back were less crowded and that we'd have a room next to them, so they'd hear it if anything happened. There are two twin beds, too."
"Two twin beds didn't stop us in the city," Elphaba said softly.
"Maybe it won't stop us tonight. I don't know. It seemed to comfort Nessa enough. But, as I was saying, Glinda bit her lip and looked at me. She seemed to think I was going to hurt you. She claimed she trusted me, but that after you fainting, she didn't know."
"I fainted because you said 'I love you' and she thinks that means you'll hurt me?" Elphaba was dumbfounded.
"I don't think she heard what I said. She might not even know I said anything."
"Oh."
"But I think we'll be sharing a room tonight. You don't have to sleep next to me or with me if you don't want to." He said gently.
"We'll see when we…" Elphaba was jolted in his arms a little as the carriage came to a definitive halt.
The door opened and the driver looked at the couple. "Ah, your companion is awake, sir?"
Fiyero nodded. "She's doing fine."
"Good to hear. Well, we're done for the night. Your overnight bags are out of the carriage and we've parked beside the hotel." The bearded man informed them.
Elphaba watched Glinda get out of the carriage next to them and pounced out to help her get Nessa. Her friend looked at her disappointedly and Elphaba whispered, "I'm sorry. I would've told you, in time; I just didn't want to share it yet. It's very private and personal, even more so right afterwards. It seemed odd to say anything about it; it was something only meant for the knowledge of Fiyero and I."
"You could've just mentioned it. I wouldn't have forced you to give details."
"You would've said something," Elphaba insisted.
"Maybe." Glinda muttered.
"Glinda, really. Sex is something very secret. It's not as impersonal as I thought it would be. I still don't want to talk about it, all right?"
"Are you going to do it again tonight?"
"Honestly, Glinda? I don't know. I doubt we'll be doing it all of the time, especially once we're back at Shiz. It isn't all that matters to us. It never was. Please, don't be angry with me."
They'd loaded Nessa into her wheelchair and Glinda just glanced at Elphaba somewhat understandingly. This soothed Elphaba enough to continue on her task of explanation and to face her sister. Nessa only glared at her. "First you date a heathen, then you lose your virginity to him before marrying. You have no idea how frustrated I am with this, and how Father would be, too."
"You aren't going to tell him, are you?"
"I don't have the mind to at the moment, no. How could you allow him to do this to you?"
"He did it to me? Excuse me? It was certainly not anyone doing anything to anyone else; it was two people doing something together, mutually and agreeably. He did not force me or even pressure me. I chose to do it just as much as he did. That's all I feel I have to say to you, Nessa." Elphaba began pushing Nessa's wheelchair (with Nessa's bag draped over it) into the hotel lobby, Glinda following with her bag, Fiyero with both Elphaba's and his own. She propped the wheelchair against the front desk and named the reservation number, getting the keys.
Fiyero came up beside her and mumbled, "If they have that much of an issue with us sharing a room, I can share one with Nessa and you can have some time to talk to Glinda."
"As if that wouldn't be awkward for you. Think of the nasty little comments she'd make every other moment. Besides, whoever stays with Nessa has to help her dress. I don't think that'd be very appropriate." Elphaba told him. "And you are certainly not sharing a room with Glinda. I won't put up with Nessa's scorn for the entire night. We're sharing a room."
Glinda silently wheeled Nessa down the hall and the couple followed. Standing at doors right next to each other, each of them eyed all of the others and then dispersed into their separate rooms. Fiyero wondered what would come of this night.