TORTURING THE BLADEBREACKERS: MAX
blackartofchaos:i dont own beyblade, skittles, tikka masala, sprite, or anything else listed in here apart fron Fumitory
"DIE MAX DIE!"
"WHAT THE FUCK!"
Fumitory jumps on Max's back knocking him to the ground.
Fumitory grabs the mobile out of Max's hand and sits on his back so he cand get up
"GET OFF ME YOU SADISTIC BASTARD"
"shut it Blondie"
Fumitory starts talking to Max's mum their conversation goes something like this:
"Hello who's this?"
"Judy. who's this? Where's my little maxi kinns?"
"JUDY HI! What's up bitch?"
(Max- "don't talk like that to my mum like that in fact don't talk to her at all!")
Fumitory smacks Max round the head
"Where was I? Oh yeah Judy you slag you didn't raise your son of a bitch kid very well did you? He never stops fucking swearing at me!"
"You can't really talk can you?"
"WELL I HAVE AN EXCUSE I HAD NO FUCKING PARENTS"
"I wonder why"
"Shut up you blonde bimbo and if you don't stop trying to rape my team mates I'll come round there and castrate you"
"WHAT I LIVE IN NEW YORK!"
"So you want us to think but I know you lie LIE I SAY LIE LIE LIE"
"Erm are you in special support or something?"
"LISTEN YOU STUPID COW STOP CALLING ME OR I WILL COME OVER AND CASTERATE YOU!"
Fumitory puts down the phone throws it on to the floor and stamps on it until her stilettos have shattered it beyond repair.
"You bitch that was a Christmas present from my dad"
"That's what made it more fun to smash it"
"Your twisted now get off me"
"Ok" (slaps max round the head again)
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"
"For good measure and I felt like it"
"FUCK YOU."
"Maybe later"
"Hey Kai comeover here" fumitory yelled from the bathroom
"What? I'm watching little Britain!" Kai spat
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AN:(if you live in england and don't know what Little Britain is then you suck!)
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"I'm currently torturing max wanna help?"
"Why the hell not?"
"Cool first im gonna swipe all his sweet stash while he's out ONWARD!"
"Ok got the sweets now what empty the bags and don't rip the wrappers""
Why"
"You'll see now pass me the saucepan"
"Right here you go now explain"
"I'm filling up the empty wrappers with my home made sweets of doom"
"Sweets of doom?"
"Yes I'm making sweets and there gonna taste so bad that max will be throwing up for a month"
"You're sick"
"Hey what can I say? that's the way god made me!"
"Ok so what's going in to this recipe?"
"Well a ll tell you and you pass it me ok?"
"Ok"
"First a whole litre of vinegar then 30 tablespoons of salt, half a packet of flour, nutmeg, chicken seasoning, caramel, chocolate, a bottle of soy sauce, canned tuna juice, a quarter of a packet of butter, 1litre of lemon juice, pepper, curry sauce yes the tikka masala, 2 bottles of tomato ketchup, a few lentils, a packet of sour skittles and a pint glass of sprite... I feel like I'm missing something… oh yeah a big massive wad of spit you too Kai. They're finished now pass me those moulds, thanks now we wait for it to set then the fun really begin."
"I feel sick just looking at that never mind someone eating it."
"Don't be such a pussy!"
"Kai wake up my plan is now in motion max is about to wake up now get up and watch the first thing he does is eat his own body weight in sugar."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure now get your lazy arse out of bed and hide quick!"
Kai and Fumitory hide in Max's wardrobe and watch through the holes in it caused by Fumitory attacking the moths that she insisted were plotting some evil conspiracy against her.
She and Kai bit their lips in anticipation as max stuffed two hand fulls of fake sweets into his mouth.
He stopped chewing hispupils narrowed and he threw up all over his carpet. Fumitory and Kai burst out of the wardrobe helpless with laughter
"Fumitory (throws up) you (throws up again) retard what did I (chucks up) do to (spews) deserve this? First my (spews) mobile them my room (heaves and is sick again) (can you see where I'm going?) now this." Max finally stops heaving.
"I got bored and don't give me all the credit Kai helped too"
"WHAT YOUR REALY FUCKED UP FUMITORY!"
"Stop you're making me blush"
"IT'S NOT FUNNY AND NOW YOU'VE GON AND SICKENED KAI TOO?!"
"Yeah pretty much"
"YOUR SICK" max storms out of the room
"Thank you come again" Kai shouts
"Kai I'm bored now I'm out of ideas that are possible and won't kill him"
"Well we could write threatening letters to his mum"
"Yeah why the fuck not"
(AFTER WRITING AND POSTING THE LETTERS)
"KAI LETS GO HUNTING I GOT A NEW SLING SHOT, PEA SHOOTER AND PAINT BALL GUN THAT I NICKED FROM THE PAINT BALL PLACE"
"cool lets go"
Hanging out of an upstairs window facing Tyson's back yard
"What are we after today Miss Tenebre? "
"Well Mr Hiawarty, today we are after a very rare animal called the Max Tate. This creature can be very dangerous if it is deprived of sugar, which is also its main source of food. So I have laid the picnic table with bags of sweets filled with sugary goodness. There it is look here's the paint gun I'll take the sling shot. GO"
"YOU'RE MINE TATE!" – Fumitorys war cry
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK NOT AGAIN! WHATS WRONG WITH YOU!"
"THAT'S WHAT MY COUNCELLOR WANTS TO KNOW!"
a stream of paintballs and assorted things from Fumiory's sling shot are fired at max not one missed. They shoot until he is knocked out
Fumitory and Kai run down stairs and try to wake him
"WAKE UP YOU STUPID TWAT" (Fumitory smacks Max on the face with every syllable)
"Incase you haven't you haven't noticed Fumitory that's not working"
"I know but its just so much fun"
"We better take him inside"
"NO WAY HE'S FULL OF PAINT! TYSON WILL KILL US! He can stay out here until he wakes up with any look he'll forget about the fake sweets and eat some more"
"I don't think he'll ever forget that Fumitory. Any way what if it rains
"I can live in hope and if it does rain we'll wait for it to stop then bring him in when the paint has washed off"
"No Fumitory I draw the line here it's fun and all but he could get pneumonia"
"Ok bring him in then it was fun while it lasted"
Max: why me?
Me: you're the easiest to pick on… maxy kinns
Max: blushes
Fumitory: next week Tyson and his recently developed vertigo (fear of hights)
Kai: review and update man that was fun
Max: I hate you all
Fumitory: I'm flattered