It was Saturday afternoon and the house was empty, save for Dean and CJ. He was in the living room, the play menu for Goodfellas on their TV screen, while she was in the kitchen waiting on the popcorn. He wanted to do it so she'd stay off her feet, but she was put him and his possible head injury before her and the pregnancy. He knew that he'd have to break her of that habit, but it really wasn't worth arguing over in his opinion. As long as she was comfortable and not doing any heavy lifting, he would be fine with it.
"We need to have a chat, Dean." CJ stated, watching as Dean slowly looked over the back of the couch to look at her as she brought popcorn into the living room.
"About..?" He sounded nervous, he knew that he did. But having a "chat" was typically about something bad and he didn't want to lose his girlfriend. Not when he had finally been domesticated.
"Nothing bad. Well, you might think its bad. I don't, but-"
"Sweetheart, you're freaking me out." Dean cut her off as she sat down beside him and he pulled her in close. "What's on your mind?"
"After I have the baby, I want to wrestle again."
"I'm pretty sure we've talked about this." Dean mumbled, kissing her head. He didn't want to start an argument with her, but he got a sinking feeling that they were heading down that road. Her knee was never fully rehabbed so he didn't really want her to wrestle again and risk injury.
"Your idea was great for when I retire, but I'm not ready to retire, Dean." She spoke, feeling really good about getting her feelings off her chest. "I have that itch, and I really miss the crowd chanting my name."
"I can understand that. But what are we going to do with the baby while we're on the road? I don't want to miss any of her firsts, but I probably will if we're both on the road."
"We can take her with us. Maybe rent a bus with Roman and split the cost?" CJ suggested, relieved to see that Dean wasn't being closed minded about this. She knew he was thinking about it, and thinking hard, but the fact that he didn't shut her down immediately was a really good sign. "But by the time I'm ready to start training and feel that I'm ready to be on the road full time, Olive will probably be one already."
"You think so?"
"I know so. I've got to get in shape before I get back to training, but I can't start getting in shape until I get into the swing of being a mother." She explained, cuddling more into his side. He wrapped his arm tighter around her waist, taking her hand in his and lacing their fingers together. "We've got time, I just wanted you to know what I wanted."
"And I appreciate you letting me know and not keeping this to yourself. We'll figure it all out." He assured, kissing her head again before smiling as she started the movie.
"Thank you, Dean."
"It's no problem. I want you to be happy, Christina."
"I know. I want you to be happy, too, though. I don't want you to be miserable because you're trying to make me happy." She stated, Dean pausing the movie before the first lines started so he could look down at her.
"I think we should be discussing this closer to when I start training you."
"You want to train me?"
"You're damn right I do." Dean stated, smirking down at her. "Adam and Jay had their fun, now it's time for me to be the master to your grasshopper."
"I will not be doing any 'wax on, wax off' bullshit."
"But we will be working a rewards system. I'll have it all worked out by the time we're ready."
"Alright. Movie?"
"Movie." He agreed, kissing her lips before starting the movie. Despite getting plenty of sleep the night before, fatigue was getting to the pregnant woman. Which upset her because she loved the movie Goodfellas. But Dean's warmth was making it almost impossible to fight sleep any longer. His presence was calming and the gentle rise and fall of his body was soothing to her. She couldn't deny it any longer.
"I love you." She mumbled, snuggling more into him and Dean smiled.
"Let me go get a blanket, babe."
"But you're comfy." CJ whined, eliciting a chuckle from her boyfriend as he paused the movie again. "Dean..."
"Two minutes at the most, sweetheart. I'm cold."
"How are you cold?" She asked as she sat up so he could stand up. "You're a fucking heater."
"I dunno, I'm just cold. Where'd you put all the spare blankets from your place?"
"They're in that closet next to the laundry room." She called, throwing her head back to watch him walk down the short hall that led to the laundry room and basement. "Get the blue one with the white dots on it."
"I thought you weren't cold?"
"Don't judge me, Ambrose." CJ playfully warned, smiling when he jumped over the back of the couch and covered them with her blanket of choice.
"No judging is happening here, your highness." Dean assured, starting the movie again for what he hoped was he last time and grabbing some popcorn. "This is my favorite mob movie."
"The Godfather is mine. This is second."
"Are you grouping all three parts as one big movie or do you like Goodfellas over the other two?"
"All three as one, silly man." She stated, lightly poking his cheek before letting out a small yawn. She tried her best to hide it, but she knew by the smile on his face and the way he held her just a bit tighter that he heard her loud and clear.
"Sleep, darlin'." He requested, gently rubbing her stomach. "Olive wants mommy to get her sleep."
"You really are using the baby against me." She said in disbelief, making him chuckle at her. "Don't laugh at me."
"I'm not, sweetheart. You're just so cute." He commented as she cuddled into him more and got comfortable. "I love you."
"Love you, too." CJ mumbled, gently patting his thigh beneath the blanket while she refocused on the movie. Focusing on the movie was really just a ruse so she could go to sleep without Dean's teasing.
Once Dean was certain that CJ was asleep, he carried her up to their bedroom to sleep in their bed. He kept her bundled in the baby blue blanket and still tucked her into the blankets on their bed because the air conditioner was on for some reason. He didn't want her getting cold since she didn't like being cold. She liked snow, but she hated being cold. She was a unique one.
When he went to leave her to her sleep, she mumbled his name while reaching for him and he froze. She'd never done that before. She'd said his name in her sleep before, but never reached out to him when he was making his leave before. He couldn't help but oblige by her wishes, pulling her little bundle into his arms and kissing her head. With her injury and the pregnancy, her feisty side had mellowed out and, as much as he loved his girlfriend's sweet side, he had to admit that he was really missing the fire that had ignited his love for her.
He could only hope that once she was ready to start getting in shape and training that the fire would come back, because he really missed the bitter sarcasm and bitchy comments about other women and their looks. He missed seeing that change in her eyes when she stared across the ring at another woman she hated. He missed watching her strive for control in every situation she was placed in. He assumed that her control issues were addressed by her old therapist, but he missed the way she'd grab a woman by her hair or dig her heel into the kidney area of another woman's back so that she had control.
He knew that getting her back in the ring would be good for both of them, but he wasn't sure about raising their child on the road. He read in some parenting book that kids needed structure in their early developmental years, and being in a different city every night two hundred nights a year wasn't structured. Neither was watching your parents beat up other people for a living. He had faith in their abilities to make everything work out, but he wasn't see how they'd get it all done just yet.
I'm giving myself a headache. He scolded himself, pressing his forehead to where her shoulder was covered by the blankets. His eyes shut tight as the throbbing started and that nagging voice inside his head started talking down to him. Usually being around CJ made that voice shut the hell up and allowed him to function a bit more "normal" looking than he usually did, but right now that voice was doing the usual and telling him what he couldn't do.
Telling him that he couldn't keep living this charade much longer. He would never be able to be a good parent and he'd run. He'd never be a good boyfriend to CJ. He'd stray again, and this time much worse than making out with some bimbo in a bar. He'd manage to tear everything down around him and he'd be alone in the end. CJ would hate him. His daughter would hate him.
He'd be alone.
So Dean did the only thing that made sense for him to do at that moment. He got up and left. Not bothering to take his car keys, just his phone and house key, scribbling a little note to CJ telling her that he was sorry and would make it right before he walked out of their house and locked the door behind him. He knew he'd come back, but he needed to make the voice go away before he could.
Nothing was better than a walk around a partially unfamiliar location to make him feel better. Or maybe more lost. Be just knew that he needed to focus on anything but that stupid nagging in his head so he could go back to CJ with a clear mind. She'd want answers when he came back, he just knew it, but he didn't know what to tell her.
Maybe be he'd finally come clean about what went on in his head. Or maybe not. "Hey, babe, there's a voice in my head who is constantly telling me that I'll lose everything because I'm an worthless and unworthy bastard" didn't sound like something he could just casually bring up over dinner.
He'd figure it out. He had some time.
He just hoped CJ didn't think that he abandoned her and their baby.
I think it's safe to say that, after the work week I suffered through, I'm exhausted. I had this typed up and knew that I couldn't deny my lovely readers, so I figured I'd post this and then get started on typing up my other updates once I slept until noon.
I'd like to thank Sammie94, ladyjade37, TajiaK, Dixiewinxwrites12, angelsdee327, ChelleLew, Ubersassynova, Sarcastic Nightmare, amd UntilNeverDawns for reviewing the last chapter! And I'd also like to thank everyone who's been reading, favoriting, and following this story, it means a lot to me that you guys take the time pur of your day to read, favorite, follow, and review this story.