A/n: Hey, another RL/SB fanfics from me! It just popped into my head, and I had to write it down, and share it with everyone. Of course, it took me a while to get all down, but… Here it is! And I hope you enjoy it! No flames! R/R!

Chapter 1

Remus wasn't quite sure when it happened, but it happened. After he pieced things together, he figured out that it started fairly early, and had been going on for quite sometime. Whatever the case was, it had happened: He had fallen in love with Sirius Black.

At first, Remus couldn't figure out why he had fallen in love with him. And then he had taken a good look at his friend lounging on a couch finishing a Transfiguration essay after that thought had gone through his head.

Sirius Black was, possibly, the best-looking guy in Hogwarts, and Remus was hard-pressed to think of a girl (that wasn't in Slytherin, of course) that wouldn't agree with him. He was sexy, and just flat gorgeous. He had a tall, lean, well-muscled frame and longish black hair that occasionally fell into his beautiful grey eyes. Everything about him was gorgeous, and he knew that every girl outside of Slytherin House agreed with him. He also had a smile that could melt stone, and that he knew had melted more than a few girls' hearts.

Besides his astounding good looks, Sirius was arguably one of the most brilliant people in Hogwarts. James and Lily only rivaled him for the top spot in all their classes. Also, it was Sirius who figured out that he himself was a werewolf, and it was Sirius' idea for him, James and Peter to become illegal Animagi, and it was also Sirius' idea to make the Marauders Map. Sirius was also extremely charming, and could basically talk his way out of almost every situation.

Although there were things that Remus disagreed with Sirius on, he soon figured out that those reasons were also what made him love him so much. Sirius loved risk, and danger, and Remus knew (and he knew he would admit it) that he was the most dangerous of the Marauders. Even James drew a line somewhere. Sirius… He would push that line until it broke. That was the reason he and James spent so much time in detention. He or James would come up with some risky, dangerous plan that probably would get them caught, and neither boy would be able to resist the temptation of being caught. Sometimes, Sirius would push James into something that James thought was a little too risky… Or James would put his foot down, and Sirius would do it alone. Remus would worry for him, and Sirius always came back, cocky as hell that he had pulled it off, and not really caring that he had been caught.

Remus began to hate himself for falling in love with the delectable, sexy, gorgeous young man. Sometimes he would cry at night, after just thinking about Sirius, just wishing that all his feelings would just go away….

Well, they didn't. If anything, they grew every time he was around Sirius. Remus just couldn't help but love him.

Eventually, Remus had to come to the realization that Sirius would never, could never love him. Remus had figured out that that he was homosexual soon after he had figured out that he had more than friendly feelings for his fellow Marauder. Sirius, Remus was sure, was as straight as a pole. After all, he had almost every girl in Hogwarts after him, and he wasted no time giving almost every girl what they wanted. What else could he be but straight?

Sirius and Remus had met on Platform 9 ¾ at Kings' Cross Station in London on their way to their first year at Hogwarts. Their eyes had lingered on each other's the first time they laid eyes on each other. Remus always assumed that it was because it was right after the full moon and Remus looked weak, exhausted, and cut up.

Remus had been having trouble getting his trunk in the rack. The recent full moon had zapped a lot of his strength. Sirius had come up and just helped him, seeing him having some trouble.

"Let me help you with that." Sirius had said.

Remus quickly muttered a thanks, and gratefully accepted the help of the stranger who had helped him. After that, when they looked at each other, was when their eyes met for the first time. Hazel-amber lingered on grey for a while, before each boy realized what they were doing and looked away. James had come in soon after, looking for somewhere to sit, and that had broken the reverie between the two. Later, Peter had come in.

The four quickly became fast friends, and all were sorted into Gryffindor when they arrived at Hogwarts, which was a joy to the newly formed group. They would spend their time pranking and then rushing to get their homework done, something Remus usually made them do.

After a while, Sirius had thought up of a name for them: The Marauders. He had to explain to them what the word meant, and Remus didn't even bother asking how he had known it.

There were things that told them that the way they felt about each other was more than just the feelings shared between friends. However, both of them refused to see it. Remus simply thought that Sirius was… just messing around. It hurt him really bad, but he refused to let it show around his friends. Sirius… well, he thought the was going out of his mind. He simply didn't understand what was wrong with him. Usually, nothing…. serious, you could say, ever happened, besides Sirius flirting with Remus a little. However…

One time, close to the end of their 5th year, their potions professor, Professor Morano, and paired them up. In order to preserve peace, she had paired Lily up with Snape (so there would hopefully be no unnecessary yelling, and there was an odd number of both Gryffindors and Slytherins). James was paired up with a girl who had a hopeless crush on Sirius, Peter up with another girl who would probably be distracted by Sirius as well, and – simply because they were the only two students left – she paired Sirius up with Remus. They were, of course, delighted to be paired up with one of their friends.

The assignment was that they were to research a potion that they would be doing the next class. The potion in question was a potion with severe side effects, and she wanted all of her students to be adequately prepared, and know the risks that they were getting into. So, they would write a paper – together – on the potion, and then turn it in the next class, and then brew the potion. Remus, of course, insisted on getting it done at once, and so did James and Peter's partners. So, they all went to the library, and split up. A lot of the tables were taken, so Sirius and Remus grabbed the resources that they would need and then went back into a more secluded part of the library where they could study. There were no tables back here, so they were sitting on the floor doing the research, when Sirius spoke up, "Remus?"

Remus looked up to see his friend, whom he happened to be in love with at the time, staring at him. "Yes?" He asked.

Sirius then, just out of the blue, kissed Remus Lupin.

Remus could feel the experience in the kiss and despite how much he just wanted Sirius to take him in his arms and kiss him forever, he knew that this was way too good to be true. So, he ignored the electricity he had felt when he had felt Sirius' lips against his (to the best of his ability), and broke the kiss, and looked at Sirius in shock. "What are you doing?" Remus cried.

"Kissing you," Sirius said simply, although he looked a little confused.

"Why?"

"Because I felt like it." And it was the truth. Sirius, although he wasn't quite sure why, had just looked at his friend, and got this strange feeling. He wanted to kiss him… He wanted to take him in his arms and kiss him… to feel Remus' lips against his own. So, being the kind of guy to act on impulse, he had just done it. He had felt a strange… almost electrifying feeling when he had kissed Remus. He couldn't explain it…

"I don't know what you're playing at, but I don't appreciate it, Sirius Black, so let's just stop now, alright?" Remus said heatedly.

Sirius, though he wanted to argue and tell him that it was truth, and beg Remus to let him kiss him again, he just said, "Alright," with the same confused look on his face.

After they were finished, Sirius, James, Peter, and Remus began their walk back up to the dormitory. James noticed something off about Remus. Remus was still in shock about Sirius kissing him, and was more than slightly upset about it. He was sure that Sirius had no feelings for him, and was just messing with him, which he didn't appreciate it, no matter what reason he was doing it for.

"Remus?" James asked. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah." Remus said, the tone in his voice that said that he was not all right, but he wasn't going to say anything. So James let it go, and turned his attention to Sirius, who also looked… off…

"Sirius?" James asked. "Are you… okay?"

Sirius nodded. "Yeah. I'm fine," he said, but he carried the same tone as Remus, which meant that he was most certainly not alright, but he refused to say anything. James also let it drop, and just turned his head forward, and they continued walking back to the dormitory.

Neither Remus nor Sirius was willing to tell James (and Peter) that they had kissed. Or, more correctly, that Sirius had kissed Remus. (Although Remus didn't exactly push him off right away…) When they got back to their dormitory, and went to bed, both Sirius and Remus had closed the curtains on their beds, thinking about what had happened (and why it had happened) as they fell asleep. As Remus thought about it, he couldn't help but let a some tears stray down his cheeks. He had really enjoyed Sirius kissing him, and that made it hurt that much more because he loved him… Remus kept telling him that it wasn't fair. Sirius, on the other hand, was generally confused, and just didn't understand why he had kissed him…

Towards the middle of their 6th year, the four of them were under James' invisibility cloak going back to the dormitory after pulling a prank on the Slytherin Prefects. Professor Morano, who had been making her nightly rounds, they supposed, was walking by, and all four got near the wall. Since James and Sirius were taller, they were in back, and the shorter two, Remus and Peter were in front. Peter in front of James and Remus in front of Sirius. As they got near the wall, they all hushed. Sirius, for whatever reason, put his left arm around Remus' waist, probably to get him closer so that they would have less of a chance of getting caught. Who knows. Then Sirius put his hand on Remus' hand, which lay on his heart. Remus, who was sincerely starting to freak out by now said, "Sirius, what are you doing?"

Sirius just put his lips next to his ear and whispered, "Shh, be quiet." His deep voice sent shivers down Remus' spine.

Remus tried pleading, as he was seriously starting to get scared now. "Sirius, please-"

Sirius just cut him off by laying his head on the side of Remus and shushing him again.

Remus was breathing really heavy by now, but managed to keep his voice low enough so that Professor Morano walked right past them and didn't even notice. Remus then said, pleading, "Please, Sirius, let go of me."

Sirius removed his arms. "Sorry," he said. He didn't realize why he had done what he had done, but he had. It seemed like a natural reaction for him. And the feeling of Remus' body in his arms and up against him didn't feel so bad either…

Remus was freaking out. As soon as they had got back to the dormitory, Remus had got changed, and got into bed, and shut the curtains on the bed. Sirius had done the same. Sirius lay there staring at the canopy forever, not able to figure out why he had done what he had done. Just like back when he had kissed him… Why?

Remus started crying, just like he had after Sirius had kissed him. It hurt so much, and it hurt even more because he liked how it felt when Sirius touched him, and he his arms around him the way he did. It hurt…

Towards the end of their 6th year, while Lily and Remus were doing their Prefects duty, Lily had noticed some things about Remus, and she was determined to bring it up with him. She had to know what was going on with him. She suspected, but she had to hear it from him….

As they were walking along, Lily looked at him. "Remus?" She asked. "I'm your friend, right?"

Remus looked at her. Her question confused him a little. "Yes, of course you are, Lily. Why would you even think otherwise?"

"I don't, but I had to ask." Lily said. Then she asked her second question. "You know you can confide anything in me? Tell me anything?"

Remus looked at her again, and nodded. "Yes…" He was getting very… curious about where this conversation was going.

"Well, I know that you aren't telling me something." Lily said. "I'm pretty sure about what it is, so I'm pretty sure I understand why you're not telling me, because I don't think you've told me. I would like it if you told me, though. Because I know that everything's not all right."

By this time, Remus had stopped, and Lily right beside him. His heart was beating so fast and so hard within his chest, but he tried very to hard to not show any outward emotion, and he was pretty sure he knew what she was getting at, but he feigned innocence and denial. "I don't know what you're talking about." He said, but Lily didn't believe him.

Lily gave him a soft smile. "Remus, I know you to well to fall for that. There's something that you don't want to tell me, and I think you know I know that I've figured out what it is." She laid a hand on Remus' arm. "Please, Remus. Talk to me. Tell me what it is that's been on your mind." She slowly got him to turn to face her.

Remus walked towards the wall, and leaned back on it. His calm façade had fallen, and he was struggling to keep all of his emotions inside. "Oh, Lily…" he said, his voice starting to crack with all of the emotions flooding through him. " I don't even know how to tell you…"

Lily gave him a calm smile, and stood next to him, putting a gentle hand on his arm again. "It's Sirius, isn't? That's what's been bothering you, hasn't it?"

Remus looked at her, and nodded. "I just… I…" He looked at her calming face, and her sweet, serene disposition, and almost broke down. "I love him, Lily. I love him so much." Remus struggled not to start crying as he admitted his feelings for the drop-dead gorgeous marauder for the first time out loud. "It's not just a crush either, I know that." He looked her in the eyes, still trying to cry. "I'm in love with him, truly in love with Sirius Black."

Lily just nodded, still smiling. "I know. I can tell. It's obvious to me."

Remus couldn't stand it any longer. He slid down to the ground, starting to cry. Lily kneeled down next to him. He slipped his heart out to the petite red head, telling her everything he had felt, and everything that happened between he and Sirius (meaning the kiss and Sirius wrapping his arms around him, and the flirting), getting everything off his chest. He ended wrapping his arms around his knees, and just crying. "It hurts, Lily. It hurts to be around him. Every time I see him, hear his voice, I just…" Remus then broke down, not being able to finish his sentence, not that he needed to. Lily understood. "I just don't understand." Remus said. "It's like he's trying to torture me…"

Lily shook her head. "He's not." She said simply.

Remus nodded. "I know it's not, but it hurts. It feels that way."

Lily, who had rubbing his back to try and help him and soothe his pain in some way, just nodded again, and said, "I know," being the good friend, and letting her friend sit there and pour his heart out to her. She was pretty sure she also knew why Sirius was doing what he was doing, but she wasn't going to tell Remus, because she knew that he would not believe her. After a little while, Remus stopped crying, but he just sat against the wall, still upset. Lily asked him, "Are you better now?"

Remus nodded, sniffling. "Yeah, I think so. It felt kind of good to say it out loud."

Lily nodded. "I'm sure it did," she said. Then, too lighten the mood a little, she said, "I just don't understand why you love him…"

Remus turned to her, completely shocked. "Oh, come on, Lily, you're a girl, you've looked at him. Don't sit there and honestly tell me that you don't think he's good looking."

Lily, reluctantly, said, "Yes, alright, he's good looking. But there's more to someone then their looks. I mean, Sirius is reckless, dangerous. He enjoys getting into trouble. I mean…" Lily started to struggle for words, but she was sure that Remus got her meaning.

Remus gave a small smile, and said, "Yes, but those the reasons that I love him." He then told her all the reasons of why he loves Sirius Black the way he did. "I can honestly say, Lily," he told her, "that if he was any different, and I wouldn't love him so much. I love for who he is, all of who he is."

Lily nodded. "Yep. That's what love is." Lily said. Remus and Lily sat there for a little bit, before Lily asked Remus another question. "Remus, are you… homosexual?"

He turned to her, and nodded. "Yeah." He answered. "I figured it out soon after I figured out that I felt more than just friendship feelings for Sirius. I mean, I knew that I would never feel attraction to a woman, ever. I mean," He turned to Lily, "you're cute and all, and so are other girls, but I could never… feel any attraction to you or any other girl. It's just… not there…"

Lily nodded. "Yeah, I understand." She looked away, and sighed. "We should get going doing our prefect duties before we're found and get in trouble."

Remus nodded. "You're right." They got up, Remus wiping the last remaining stray tears from his eyes. He turned to Lily. "Thank you."

Lily just smiled at him. "What are friends are for." Still smiling, she and Remus went on their way, and continued on their prefect duties.

It had felt to confide in someone, and from then on, Remus confided in Lily. He soon figured out that talking about his feelings for the delectable marauder helped some of the sadness that had come with an unrequited love. Lily would listen to him, talk to him, and counsel him. It was something that he had needed, and Remus knew that. He was very glad to have a friend lily Lily.

Lily, in turn, was glad to have a friend like Remus. When she and James started dating, Lily was able to go to him, and talk about him, and Remus was more than glad to listen to happy his friend had become.

Nothing else really happened between Sirius and Remus. Sirius still flirted with Remus, but he never did anything else. Sirius was still confused, Remus still loved him so very much, and he knew that there was nothing that he could about that. But he had learned to deal with it. He had come to the realization that nothing would ever, could ever, happen between him and Sirius Black. It was hopeless, and he knew it. He would just always to watch from afar, wanting him, loving him…

It hurt. Remus wouldn't deny, after a while that pain become numb, and it didn't hurt so much. Until Sirius would flirt with him, which still confused both young men. Sirius would continue to ask himself, "Why do I do that?" and Remus would continue to ask himself, "Why does he do that?"

Whatever the case, Hogwarts seemed to be a very emotion for both Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. They soon graduated, and went about their lives. Remus didn't see Sirius as much as he had at Hogwarts, naturally. Which was both a relief and not. He did love Sirius, and yes, it did hurt to be around him and not be able to be with him, but… At the same time, he had to be around, to see him. In these dangerous times, he had to know that the one he loved was all right.

Even if he would never, could never love him…

It was still some piece of mind for the werewolf.