AN: Okay, the story is DONE. This is NOT the last chapter, but the story is finished. It just needs a bit revising. There will be fifty chapters and an epilogue.

Chapter Forty-Six: Inappropriate Behavior

Outside the bedroom doors, Alapedgio and Number Five sat through the evening and morning grumbling about what was happening inside the doors.

"For Oz's sake, how many times can one couple do it in a night, really?" Number Five muttered after sneaking a peek in the small crack of the doorway. "And how the hell did they come up with so many positions?"

Alapedgio rested his head in his hands. "I don't even want to know how they're doing it this time."

"Hell, if I got married and my wife was that flexible and willing, no one could drag me off to war." Number Five said seriously.

"Oooh! Fiyero!" Elphaba's voice sounded from the room.

"What is so amazing about the way he's got her this time that's so good compared to the Oz knows how many other times he's had her in the past eight hours?" Alapedgio wondered.

Number Five squinted through the doorway. "I think he's got a good penetration angle from this one. Like, I mean really good. Not like he needs it. He's had her coming all night."

"You would think he'd be tired after returning from war."

"Oh, they will be. They'll be sleeping the day through if they ever finish."

Alapedgio groaned. "Why did we end up stuck with the twenty-four hour watch shift now, of all times?"

"Because the Unnamed God wants to either punish us or educate us. Take your pick." Number Five grunted, peering into the room again.

Alapedgio reached over and smacked him. "Would you stop staring? I think you've seen enough of his naked ass."

"And hers, too. They take turns sharing the top."

"My Lurline, just don't!" Alapedgio shoved the door so it slammed shut.

The room beyond them was suddenly silent.

"Uh, Yero?" Elphaba whispered, gasping.

"Hmmm?" He looked up from between her legs, licking his lips sensuously.

"Did the door just close?"

"I think so. Why?"

"The guards were out there all night. If the door only just closed now, I have a feeling they've been listening… maybe watching, too."

Fiyero shook his head and crawled back to her level. "Damn. Well, that's certainly embarrassing, especially tonight."

Elphaba squirmed uncomfortably. "Gross."

"I'm sure they're thinking the same thing." Fiyero joked.

"Not Alapedgio." Elphaba mumbled.

Fiyero sat up. "You don't think…?"

"Oh, Yero my hero, I don't know! Don't ask me. Maybe the other one was watching, that number whatever. He's always seemed like he's got quite the naughty mind." She shrugged.

"Wow, I'm tired," Fiyero said randomly. After having finally stopped for a few moments, he was realizing how exhausted he really was.

As if only just noticing the same, Elphaba yawned. "Oh, me too."

"But what about whoever was spying?"

"I don't know. We'll deal with the little episode of voyeurism in the morning." Elphaba cuddled in close to Fiyero. "It'll be nice to sleep beside you again."

Fiyero wrapped her in his arms. "One thing, Fae?"

"Yeah?" She asked sleepily.

"What does 'voyeurism' mean?"

Elphaba kicked him lightly in the shin. "I'm too damn tired to explain it, now, so shut up."

Fiyero didn't have trouble obliging. He was already asleep.

When the couple emerged from the bedroom hours later, Alapedgio and Number Five bowed to Fiyero as was custom, "Congratulations on your victory, sir."

"I'm just glad to be home," Fiyero said, beaming at Elphaba. He couldn't keep his arms from around her. "I feel like four months of my life have been wasted just because I was away from you," he told her.

"I think you well made up for it last night," Number Five said under his breath.

Alapedgio snorted.

Elphaba, quick to hear this, eyed both men. "Thank you for closing the door. It was a bit late, though. That was completely inappropriate behavior on both of your parts and I'm disgusted with both of you."

"As if you weren't acting inappropriate while he was gone." Alapedgio countered.

"What?" Fiyero looked at Elphaba.

"She couldn't even take care of herself. Your sweet little wife here was constantly sipping on sleeping potion for two weeks until it ran out and the maid refused to get her any more. Then she threw a fit in the library and wasn't comforted until your mother came by and convinced her to help at the infirmary."

"I missed you," Elphaba said pathetically. "Was that so wrong?"

Fiyero caressed her cheek with his hand and wiped her tear away with his thumb. "I told Perria to make sure you took care of yourself. I worried you'd start acting like that."

"I… I was so afraid for you."

"It's okay. I know." He led her down to the table. "Perria," he called, "we'd like some breakfast."

Perria rushed into the room and ambushed Fiyero with a hug. "Pardon me, Master Fiyero. It's just so good to have you home! I would've said something last night, but I thought you and your wife might need some time to catch up."

"I've missed your cooking awfully bad." Fiyero said with a hint.

"Oh! Of course! Breakfast will be coming right up." The woman bumbled from the room as quickly as she had entered.

Elphaba scooted her chair closer to Fiyero's. "I don't know what more to say. I think I've said plenty of times how much I've missed you."

"You certainly did," he teased.

Her face flushed. "That wasn't what I meant. Fiyero, I took you for granted a while ago, and when you left… I hadn't realized until that moment how much you truly meant to me. All of that time, Yero, it was hell. Pure hell. I never want to go through that again. I never want to be away from you that long for the rest of my life. I feel so selfish, being so happy that you're home and healthy when so many of the other women in the tribe don't have that to cheer them up. But you are everything that exists in my world, Fiyero, and though it was hard for me to accept that, I love you so much, more than you could ever know, and I…" Elphaba wiped her eyes gingerly. "I just wanted to tell you how."

Fiyero looked at Elphaba silently. He was stunned by her sudden declaration. It was unlike her – then again, nothing was ever exactly like her. Face against her neck, he smiled and said, "I know how. I've always known how, even if you couldn't say it."

"Really?" She moved to look at his eyes.

"Yes. I knew I couldn't be the only one feeling so strongly." He pulled Elphaba into his lap. "I just can't understand it, us. We have got to be…"

"The strangest couple in the world?" Elphaba finished, laughing.

"Pretty much."

"I think we might be."

"Well, what's that old phrase, 'opposites attract'?"

"But we're not opposites. Not completely. And that's not why we're so strange, it's because of how ridiculous we act."

"We? You!"

"You!"

They hugged each other and then pulled back, nose to nose.

"Kiss me."

"At the breakfast table?" Fiyero asked playfully.

"It's not like I'm asking you to make love to me. I just want your mouth."

"Oh, now where would you like my mouth?" He began to suck just below her jaw lightly.

"Fiyero!" She shoved him away and then placed her hands on his face and kissed him proudly. "There. You knew what I meant. For Oz's sake, as you just said, we're at the breakfast table! When are you ever going to learn to behave?"

"I behaved very well these past few months."

"I'm sure you did." Elphaba replied. "Tell me about what happened, if you can."

Perria walked in again with their breakfast. "Here we are, a nice hearty meal for the victorious prince and his wife." She winked knowingly at Elphaba and left the room again.

"So?"

"My dad had taught me a lot of things about fighting when I was younger, but I'd never really expected to have to use them. We'd been in a peaceful situation for a long time, and I guess I never thought too much that things would change. The first time someone sent a spear my way, I nearly just stood there."

Elphaba shuddered. "That wouldn't have been good."

"No, not at all. Anyway…"

Number Five and Alapedgio nodded at the two guards who were to replace them for a few hours and headed upstairs. Alapedgio said, "Kind of sucks. We were just getting to the interesting part. I wanted to know what happened with the war."

"I'm still not over what happened in their bedroom," Number Five commented.

"Not this again."

"No, really! Like, every other minute, he had his mouth and tongue in her! She barely ever returned the favor. Who'd do that? She only returned it once. But man, you should've seen the way she touched him. It was like certain parts of him were sent from heaven or something. And when she did actually do the mouth thing, she deep throated him! Well, as much as she could. Man, living with all of you guys I have seen a lot of huge things, but I have never…"

"Shut up!" Alapedgio snapped.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I don't want to hear about it, okay?"

"Why the fuck aren't you interested? Any other man…"

"I'm not! What don't you understand?"

Number Five paused and examined Alapedgio. "Oh my god, you want her, don't you?"

"Sort of."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing."

"No, really. Explain, now."

"I've sort of… well, had her."

Number Five stumbled on the stairs they were walking up. "You what? When was this?"

"A long time ago. She ran off into the city and I ran into her. I managed to get her drunk enough…"

"You pretty much took advantage of her?" Number Five was suddenly horrified.

"Oh, now you think sex is sick, huh?"

"Were they married, even?"

He nodded.

"Sweet Oz, man! What the hell did you think you were doing?"

"I didn't know! I just looked at her and it was like, wow."

"Why her? Why not find some random streetwalker?"

"I don't know, all right? I just don't."

"You're a fucking idiot, you know that?"

"I think I've been starting to figure that out."

"Does he know?"

"Who?"

"Who do you think? The husband, you imbecile! Dopey or whatever."

"I don't know."

"Did she remember?"

"Um, she might not have, but I…"

"I don't want you to tell me this. Never mind. I can't believe… wait, why did she run away?"

"I don't know. She never told me and, as you know, the two of them never mention it." Alapedgio lied.

"I just can't imagine her actually leaving him." Number Five shook his head. "And you forcibly… god, Alapedgio, that's sick. Really sick."

Alapedgio stood in the hallway alone as Number Five headed to his quarters. Quietly, he admitted, "I know."