Fitz sits solemnly at the bar.
The Secret Service had had the time to make all the arrangements so that the only patrons tonight would be him and Olivia. The staff was also changed to be as minimal as possible.
It may be a little much, but it's private. No outside pressure or stares. He gets to be in the same room as her after so many years and actually enjoy it.
She's probably changed a lot. Still, when they talked the other day everything about her felt so familiar, so… Liv. And now he has a chance to become a part of her life again.
They've never seen each other without having to worry about secrecy or hiding, and now here they are. With the seclusion provided by the Secret Service, they finally can just be, without the anxiety of what would happen if they were found out. There are no consequences.
Fitz lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding when Olivia appears through the doorway. Wearing an unbuttoned light pink trench coat, a pearl blouse, and a cream pantsuit, hair parted to the side and with some perfectly curled ends, she looks beautiful.
Fitz stands up to greet Olivia as she walks toward him.
"Hi," Olivia says as she arrives at the table.
She saw him the moment she walked in. Realizing he hadn't noticed her yet, Olivia lets herself study him.
He looks older, a few wrinkles more and with hair longer than she's ever seen it, long enough that, despite the distance, she can see the curls. He seems relaxed in his navy blue turtleneck. A nice break of mostly seeing him in suits or tuxedos.
"Hi," his smile reaches his eyes. "You look good."
"You too," taking the seat in front of Fitz, Olivia makes herself comfortable.
As a waiter makes his way toward the table, Fitz asks, "Do you want anything? The wine selection is great."
"Du Bellay."
A skip of the heart.
Her taste hasn't changed. Fitz orders another glass of scotch for himself, and they sit in silence for a moment. Eyeing each other. Waiting for the other to say something.
"It's good to see you," Olivia breaks the quiet.
"You look different," Fitz says with a crinkle in his eyes.
"You've changed too," Olivia doesn't comment how in person there's even more white in his hair than she had ever noticed on his TV appearances. A pain grows inside her. She has watched him grow older from afar.
His eyes, unreadable, remain on her. Looking for something, not yet sure what.
"How are you?" a question he's waited eight years to know.
"I've been looking forward to this. Seeing you."
"I got here an hour earlier," he rests his hands on his leg and smiles. "I kept thinking what I would say to you. Thought getting here would make it easier," Fitz admits.
"Did it?"
"No," he chuckles. Anxiety dissipating by the minute.
Olivia eyes him curiously, tilting her head to the side.
"What?" Fitz asks.
"You've never been nervous around me before."
"I've never spent this much time without seeing or talking to you before."
"Did you plan anything?" Olivia asks, biting her lip.
"I had around…." Fitz looks up in thought, "eight greeting options. Figured you'd prefer if I went with 'Hi'."
Olivia shakes her head and smiles, bringing the recently arrived glass of wine to her lips, "Smart choice." Settling the glass down, she asks, "How's life post-presidency?"
"Normal. Boring. I'm not sure what I'm doing yet. I haven't had the time to adjust completely."
"Are you alone?"
"Yeah, the kids only stayed for a couple of weeks last month and then headed back to college."
"Where are they?"
"Jerry is at NYU and Karen went to Northwestern."
"That's far."
"That was their goal I think. They still talk to each other and sometimes they call Mellie or me. Mostly they want their own space. They're used to being on their own," Fitz lowers his head. "Boarding school might not have been the greatest decision after all."
Olivia reaches for his hand, brushing it with her thumb.
"You did the best you could. Circumstances didn't help."
Fitz shrugs, not wanting to think too much about his failure as a father.
"The isolation has been nice though."
Olivia withdraws her hand from him, already missing the contact, and raises her eyebrows in disbelief.
Surprised at Olivia's reaction, Fitz frowns.
"What?"
"You never liked being alone before."
"That was different. I didn't like being away from you," Fitz says with a sad smile.
"You got used to it though," the words are spoken softly, careful not to cause offense.
"I learned to live with it. There's a difference," he retorts, leaning back on his chair.
Olivia's gaze softens at his admission.
"So, you're retired now?" the gentle look remains as she regards Fitz, and guides the conversation elsewhere.
"I'm not sure. I've been working so hard for so long. The break's been nice, but I'm not sure if I'll keep doing this. Honestly, I haven't given much thought to what I would do after."
"You don't know if you're staying in California?"
"You're asking an awful lot of questions," Fitz comments with a twinkle in his eyes.
"I want to know how you are."
He gives her a knowing look and relents, understanding exactly how she feels.
"I plan on staying in D.C. for a bit. As soon as we talked I knew I couldn't just stay for a day," Fitz grows quiet for an instant, considering how to best express himself. "I don't want to assume anything, but I knew I would want to see you again, so I'll be here for a couple of weeks."
While Olivia takes in everything he's said, Fitz adds, "You have me telling you my entire life, but you've barely said anything about yours."
"It hasn't changed much. I've had the same job ever since I left the White House."
"You got engaged," Fitz nudges.
Olivia crosses her arms.
"You got divorced."
"We're not talking about me," he averts the remark with a knowing smile. Classic Olivia.
Olivia sighs.
"Things are better now. Work is still erratic, but it isn't life-consuming anymore. I think I've stopped putting all my focus and shaping who I am around it. Maybe because my heart isn't in it anymore."
"Ever thought about quitting?"
"No," Olivia wrinkles her nose, "it keeps me busy."
"You can keep busy with another job," Fitz says matter-of-factly.
Olivia shrugs.
The suggestion makes him recall an old memory.
"Hm. Can I tell you something?"
Olivia eyes him suspiciously and nods. "What?"
"Before the campaign for my second term started, for some time I would stay in the Oval long after the end of the work day. I would just stare at the phone for hours, thinking about whether I should call you or not. A part of me wanted to go back to where it all began with us. Having you as campaign manager would've been… Well, it would've been selfish. It took me a while to let the idea go."
"I would've considered it."
"What?" Fitz freezes, jaw slightly open. Out of all the things he expected to hear tonight, this certainly wasn't among them.
"In the end, I would've said no," her smile is bittersweet. "It wouldn't have been easy, seeing you and Mellie together while trying to manage the campaign. But spending that much time together? I would've liked that."
She had known this was a possibility. The ease with which he slips back into her mind and space, making her want to admit the place he's had in her life all of this time or how everything has felt slightly off, ever since he left.
Willfully Olivia ignores how she has to keep herself from moving closer to him and how every part of her craves to tell him every thought that goes through her head. Instead, she allows for a comfortable silence to settle in as each of them lets the weight of the words said sink in.
As the night goes along, the remaining awkwardness of not seeing each other for so long slowly fades and their conversation grows more seamlessly. Ordering drinks and some dinner, they both try to extend their stay, somehow reaching for the impossible and in just a few hours making up for years of distance.
It doesn't matter that their mission is bound to fail, with each passing moment they become increasingly more aware that their relationship is one of those that easily goes back to where they left it off, even with all the time gone by.
So they let themselves enjoy the night, catching up on what they can.
There's no need to rush anything, no point in trying to predict what will happen afterward, it's just them.
"You did not," Fitz comments, stunned into silence with his mouth open after Olivia is done telling a story.
She laughs.
"In my defense, I'd known him for five years by then and I'd actually helped him with some cases before. I had the right to be a little mean."
"Yeah, but you don't hold a dog hostage."
"It was for a good cause," she shrugs. "The US attorney's office is fun. There are some good people there. A lot of them still hate me though."
"Wow. I can't figure out why," Fitz replies sarcastically.
"Shut up."
Fitz grows eerily quiet, looking at Olivia with a glimmer in his eyes.
"You are very good at your job."
Taking a sip of her wine Olivia replies, "I know," deeply satisfied by the way his gaze lingers on her.
Fitz takes advantage of the moment to confess something.
"I called you once."
Olivia blinks in shock.
"For work?"
He shakes his head no.
"At the end of my first term. Do you remember those kidnappings in East Sudan?"
"Yes. I was seeing Cyrus constantly back then. He was worried about you."
"Those months were so stressful, and I was barely getting any sleep. You could've probably helped, especially after that interview I did with Mellie telling me to go to war."
Olivia cringes at the memory, while Fitz smiles at her response.
"You'd probably have given me unsolicited advice, but I just wanted to hear your voice. You didn't pick up though. I thought it was a cosmic sign or something."
"If I had known it was you I would've answered."
Fitz reaches for her hand, squeezing it lightly. What have they been doing all this time?
Olivia checks her watch and realizes how late it already is. Feeling the drowsiness from the alcohol, before she can change her mind, she asks.
"Do you want to get out of here?"
Olivia unlocks the front door and walks in, holding it open for Fitz.
"More scotch?"
"You drink it at home?" Fitz asks while removing his jacket. He hangs it by the door and paces around the apartment.
Not minimalist in the slightest, the apartment is filled with shelves decorated in neutral colors and warm lights, giving it a classy yet cozy feeling. There are paintings and framed music sheets hanging on the walls. Taking in the details of her home, Fitz brushes his fingers on the piano keys.
"Yes," Olivia answers, moving towards her alcohol cabinet. Pointedly not mentioning how she drinks it whenever he's on her mind.
Pouring them both a drink, her movements are already slower than usual. It might not be wise to go for scotch after only drinking wine all night long, but it's cold and the company is good. A nice occasion to indulge.
"Here," she offers Fitz the glass as he touches some of her souvenirs.
Drawing his attention back to her, he sits on the corner of the large cream couch.
"I can't believe I've never been here before."
Once again resisting the urge to be closer to him, Olivia sits down and keeps a reasonable distance between them.
"Do you like it?"
"Yes," he smiles, "it's very you."
The comfort of her own home grounds her while she looks at him.
"Fitz." Olivia tightens her grip on the glass, using both hands to hold it, she tries to control the shake of her hands. Not quite able to look him in the eye.
"Liv?" a worried expression washes over him.
"Why didn't you call before?" Olivia finally looks up. She couldn't ask it right away, taking each moment with caution, but she has waited long enough. If she didn't ask about it today, she wouldn't forgive herself.
His smile is bittersweet, and he moves closer.
"I wanted to, even after I gave you the ring in Vermont. I thought it would've hurt us both if I had kept chasing you after you told me not to."
"And after the divorce?"
Fitz shifts in his seat.
"Things were harder after that," thinking back on those days brings a lump to his throat. "Back then for the longest time, I thought about calling or just showing up at your door. What I told you earlier, that call and considering asking you back for the campaign, those were recurring thoughts. Eventually, I'd always remember your words about not only my marriage being the problem but the presidency itself. I couldn't drop everything and ask you to come back to me, I couldn't do that to you, no matter how much I wanted to. And after that, you got engaged. I thought you wouldn't want me anymore."
"I waited for you," Olivia pauses, for a second reliving the sadness endured in those days. She didn't expect there to be an option worse than not talking until she saw him available and still not reaching out. "When the news of the divorce was announced I thought you would call. In the end, I gave up though."
Fitz puts his hands on her knees.
"Liv. Look at me," he waits for her to look up. "Liv," he whispers.
When Olivia finally lifts her gaze, Fitz continues.
"I let you go because you asked me for it. You were always with me. I never understood why you thought me doing the job without you would be the best choice. I think it would've been better if I had you with me. And you kept avoiding me, I couldn't know. I thought you wanted me away."
Olivia pushes his hands away.
"You were married."
"I'm not talking about being together. You couldn't even stand being in the same room as me. Every time you were in the White House, Tom would let me know and I know how hard you were working at staying away. Would that have been so bad? Seeing me?" Fitz asks calmly.
Lips parted, Olivia remains still.
"Yes," she whispers.
Fitz's brows furrow.
"Really?"
"You know you'd give one of those smiles or get too close, and we wouldn't stop ourselves. We'd be right back to where we started."
"Is that how you saw me?"
"I'm not wrong."
"No, you're not," Fitz doesn't try to hold back his grin. "So, we've both been waiting for each other," he looks at Olivia waiting for confirmation.
She nods.
"Come here," Fitz stretches out his arm, making room for her.
Olivia observes him, how relaxed he is in her home, the way he invites her to be closer, and the openness in his eyes. She settles her glass down on the coffee table and allows herself to be enveloped in his arms.
Curling up on the couch, she rests her head on Fitz's chest and puts her arm around him. Feeling the warmth of his body and listening to his heartbeat, Olivia closes her eyes, hoping to hang on to this moment for as long as possible.
Fitz leans his head on Olivia's and takes in the smell of her hair. He places a kiss on the top of her head, as he holds her in his arms for the first time in so long.
He treads carefully, but being this near and touching her again, feels natural, right. Fitz brushes his hands through her hair. The serenity of tonight is a warm welcome.
There's so much of her life that he's missed out on. She hasn't shared as much about her life as he'd like, but she hasn't tried to push him away.
A certain sorrow he'd only seen in her during certain moments seemed to often appear tonight, in the most unusual of times. With time, hopefully, he'll understand what's going on better. The openness for him to stay and find out is here.
Only a few hours together, and he already knows leaving again isn't conceivable.
He knew his love for her hadn't faded, no matter how many years had gone by, but the feel of having her drink with him, deliberately seek out his touch, and now lay down on him is astounding.
Tears well up in his eyes, not quite falling.
All the time they've wasted. In love and not being together. Not quite taking their love for granted, but going through life building walls to avoid more pain, letting their lives go by.
His thoughts are always more dangerous when he considers the what-ifs. What if he had met her sooner, what if he hadn't spent so many years in a dead marriage? Knowing this kind of love would've changed everything.
Then he remembers how he felt it, an all-encompassing, devastating love, and still managed to keep himself far away.
Fitz sniffs.
He's come a long way to not bearing the thought of being away from her, of belonging solely and living only for her. Being able to let her go had been so freeing, not being defined by his love anymore.
Nevertheless, the want was ever-present. The longing to be with her never quite gone.
Now, he's finally here.
With Olivia in his arms, Fitz allows himself to relax, enraptured by a scotch-induced haziness, he shuts his eyes.
Olivia lifts her head and beholds the man next to her. With hair a bit disheveled by the position he's in, he looks like he belongs here.
"You're staring," Fitz comments, not opening his eyes, too relaxed to move.
Olivia bites her lip, withholding a smile.
"I'm not," she detangles herself from him and crosses her legs, her body facing Fitz's.
He readjusts himself on the couch, getting a small stretch.
"So, we're okay?"
Olivia nods with a smile.
"Okay," he replies, satisfaction written all over his face. "What time is it?"
Olivia reaches for the cell phone on the coffee table. The screen lights up and the clock marks 1:07 a.m.
"It's late."
The light in Olivia's eyes dims when he shifts in his seat, seemingly ready to leave.
"Stay."
"Ok," He had avoided nurturing any higher hopes. As he sinks back on the couch, coming to terms once more that, with her, things never did follow any premeditated plan.
Fitz strokes Olivia's cheek lightly then moves his face closer, he brushes his nose against hers, then closes the gap between them, with a soft kiss.
Olivia's hand goes straight to his hair, deepening the kiss in an attempt to get even nearer.
Unsatisfied by the angle they're in, Fitz breaks away their kiss, only to laugh at Olivia's groan of response.
He holds her by the hips and pulls her on his lap to resume their kissing.
"Better?" he asks between kisses.
"Mhmm," Olivia responds as she moves to kiss his neck, using her tongue. "I missed this," She sucks on his earlobe, and makes her way down, going from kissing to sucking around his neck.
Fitz uses one hand to hold her on his lap while the other goes to Olivia's ass. When he squeezes it, Olivia intensifies the movements on his neck, hard enough to leave a mark.
In a quick motion, Fitz moves the hand that was settled on her hip to the back of Olivia's head, a slight pull on her hair, so she'll stop kissing him for a moment. He looks at her with an intoxicated smile and a raised eyebrow.
"Sorry," she gives him a quick peck on the lips, "got a bit carried away."
The earning in her eyes and the smile on her face as she looks at him, pure unadulterated joy could make his heart burst.
"Bed?" Fitz asks.
"Bed."
He tightens his grip on her and stands up.
With her legs wrapped around his body, she uses the chance to resume their kissing. After a flick of her tongue on his, Fitz can't help but stop, and press Olivia's back against the living room wall, using it as support, as he presses his tongue on hers.
His ears grow increasingly red as Olivia nibbles on his bottom lip and presses her pelvis to his. Eager to have his hands available to roam free through her, Fitz restarts his walk to the bedroom.
Walking in, he settles Olivia down, and takes her by the waist, trailing kisses all over her, slow and deliberate. He moves through her shoulders, collarbone, and neck, then he makes himself step back, close enough that Olivia's heavy breathing is still quite clear. Like this, he gets to really look at her.
Her face lacks the anxiety of their first time together, even if anticipation still lingers in the air. Taking his time he takes off her blouse. It doesn't matter though, by the time he drops it on the floor she's already on him again.
Fitz has to lower down for Olivia to be able to reach him more easily. The moment he does it, she tries to take all of him at once. The feel of his tongue on hers is heavenly, as Olivia works on pulling out the turtleneck, so she can rub his chest.
When she's finally done, the only thing she manages to do is hold onto him as between their kisses he starts moving toward the bed. Olivia walks backward until she feels the mattress on her skin.
"Sit," Fitz says.
Locking her eyes with his she does as told, and moves her hands to unbuckle his belt. Ready to take him in her mouth.
Fitz touches her hands, putting a stop to her movements.
"No. Not now."
Olivia sighs in disappointment.
Especially beautiful in her current frustration, with both of his hands on her face, he kisses her once more just because he can. Leaving behind a trail of kisses on her body, Fitz gets down on his knees.
Olivia shivers at the sight of Fitz kneeled down between her legs. Mouth agape, she puts one hand on his shoulder and the other clings to the mattress, while Fitz unbuttons her pants, and pulls them off. Not in a rush, he places kisses on her inner thighs.
His pants grow increasingly tighter, but he ignores it, instead, he urges Olivia to lift her hips, so he can remove her underwear.
How she missed this. Many partners came and went in all these years, yet no one else ever felt like him. None of those tongues were as skilled as his, and none truly had her heart.
A single tear forms in her eyes as his tongue starts licking through her and slowly circling her clit. Not once rushing his movements, Fitz spreads Olivia's legs wider apart.
"Fitz, I-"
And with some extra pressure, Olivia comes with a long moan.
Fitz smiles. That was fast. With glassy eyes, he takes in the sight of Olivia's arched body. She'd probably been thinking about that for a while.
He licks his lips, reaches for her hands, and before she has the chance to fully come down he starts over again.
Olivia lets out a long moan, and with her eyes closed, she takes a handful of Fitz's hair into her hand. His movements are even slower this time, likely afraid that she'll come too fast again.
She grins, mostly to herself. He had always enjoyed having her in his mouth. Often she'd relish the look of plain hunger in his eyes when he was on his knees like this.
The passage of time muddles as each time Olivia's moans intensify, Fitz moves to caress her thighs instead, making her come down again, and then repeats the cycle, until Olivia pulls harder on his hair, crying out.
"Please."
He shouldn't, but she sounds so good when she begs. Without any warning, Fitz inserts two fingers and focuses on sucking on her clit, moving at the same rhythm as his hand. As Olivia's orgasm seems to build, he puts another finger in, and that's enough for her to go over the edge, contracting all over his fingers. He keeps on with his movements while she rides it off.
A laugh escapes her.
"Wow."
Fitz stands up and offers her the hand he'd been using to finger her. He groans as she puts each of them in her mouth, tasting herself on him.
After she lets him go, Olivia in a swift motion unbuckles his belt, and gets a hold of him, stroking him slowly.
The urge to throw his head back, and simply enjoy this goes ignored by the power of the sight of the way her hands pressure his cock.
He sighs as he watches her movements. An increasing need to be even closer, inside her.
"Move back."
Olivia strokes him once more, spreading the precum on her hands throughout his length, then lets go, moving further back as instructed.
Fitz removes what's left of his clothes and gets on the bed.
"Come here."
Olivia lifts herself up, and wraps her legs around Fitz's torso, using her hands on his shoulders as leverage.
The lotus had all been a favorite of theirs.
With his hands on her hips, Fitz aligns himself to her entrance and enters her slowly. The feel of her all around him brings out a relief he did not know he needed.
He thought about this often. The way her embrace used to tighten when they were like this, the sounds she made when she started to lose control, and how on the rare occasions they had time, they could do this for hours on end, grateful for the privilege.
Olivia contracts her muscles, almost a plea for him to move.
Pressing his forehead to Olivia's, he gets to revel in the moment.
Olivia softens the hold she has on him, leaning back, so she can look at him.
"Are you with me?"
With a smile, he kisses her and starts moving. The pace is tortuously slow, more about connecting and being together than anything else.
The rhythm becomes increasingly painful and Olivia can't withhold eye contact anymore, lifting her chin towards the ceiling. Fitz holds her face with both of his hands as her nails pierce his shoulder blades.
"Faster," Olivia whispers, in between whimpers and sharp exhales.
Within the limitations of their position, Fitz uses his grip on Olivia to make his movements harder and faster. It only takes a couple of thrusts before Olivia starts shivering in her release, leaning on Fitz for support.
As her trembles slow down, Fitz asks, brushing her hair away from her face.
"Can you take another one?"
Olivia nods her head yes and before she can fully catch her breath, Fitz has already pulled out.
Her groan of complaint leaves a grin on Fitz's face.
"All fours."
Olivia moves and then turns to look back at Fitz, just to be faced with a look of pure devotion and lust in his eyes. Fitz towers his body over hers, using his height to reach far enough that he can kiss her.
In an exploratory and sensual kind of kiss, they both take their time to feel each other out. When Fitz pulls away, he does not dare to break eye contact.
"Ready?"
"Yes," Olivia replies, not quite believing what's happening. She might not be able to walk properly tomorrow. Not that she cares.
Turning to look ahead once again, her breath hitches in anticipation.
The first thrust is quick, but Fitz stops. He fondles Olivia's ass and picks up his pace.
Olivia drops her upper body on the bed, somehow trying to feel him go deeper.
"Harder."
She's not sure he understood her mumble until the sheer force of the next thrust causes a mixture of a cry and laugh. Fitz slows down, focusing instead solely on strength. With the knowledge he won't be able to hold on for much longer, he reaches for Olivia's clit, using his index and middle fingers to rub it at the same pace as his thrusts.
Olivia can feel another orgasm building up, but she restrains herself. The want to watch this man who after all these years still has such a hold on her even greater.
She looks back only to be met with an expression of pain on his face.
"Let go."
"No."
"Yes," she smiles, "with me."
Fitz exhales. "Okay."
With a bit more pressure on her clit, Olivia cries out and buries her face on the mattress, too afraid to bother the neighbors otherwise.
Fitz concentrates on the sensation of Olivia around him, and finally releases, gripping Olivia's shoulder, he leans forward, going in a couple of times more as he rides the waves of his orgasm.
He pulls out as he grows softer, his body collapsing on the bed.
Olivia simply turns her body to the side, so she can face him.
"That was–"
"I know," Fitz sighs, eyes closed.
The sight of him, completely exhausted from their lovemaking, adds a twinkle to her eyes.
It takes some effort, but Olivia gathers some strength and stands up to go to the bathroom. Once she returns, Fitz extends his arm out, an invitation to lay down on him.
Gladly accepted, Olivia uses the opportunity to place a kiss on his chest, before settling in. She shuts her eyes and takes in his smell, completely sated and content.