Episode #9: Two Worlds Collide
The episode begins in Ryan, Marissa, Seth, and Summer's apartment. Seth and Summer are eating breakfast on the couch and bickering back and forth as usual while Ryan and Marissa are in their room getting ready for the day ahead of them. The camera shows them first, and Ryan is rushing so as not to be late. Marissa is getting ready, too, but she is not in as much of a hurry. She has just gotten out of the shower, her hair is wet, and she is just wearing her robe. Ryan is dressed and ready, packing his book bag and gathering designs off of his work space. As Marissa walks out of the bathroom, she goes up to him and wraps her arms around his waist while planting gentle kisses along his neckline.
Ryan: Are you trying to make me even later?
Marissa: Nope.
Ryan: Well, if you keep this up, you will. (Marissa laughs.)
Marissa: I just don't want to go back to reality. This past weekend….wow!
Ryan: (At the sound of the seductive quality in her voice, he turns around and wraps his arms around her as well.) Really? (All she does is shake her head up and down and moves in to kiss him on the lips. He doesn't pull away and, in fact, although he is running late, he deepens the kiss. After a moment, he pulls back.) Well, I guess it doesn't matter if I'm a few minutes late…it's not as if I'm going to class; it's just a work session with my group.
Marissa: And it's even earlier than normal.
Ryan: (He kisses her again.) And I guess I can drive really fast. (She kisses him this time and slowly moves him towards the bed. As she pushes him down on it, he glances up at her and notices that her robe is hanging open, revealing her cleavage and a large portion of both of her legs.) Uh, no matter how much I want to, I don't have time for this. (She leans over him so that the robe falls off of her shoulders so her breasts hang in his face.) You don't play fair.
Marissa: (She lowers herself further so that she can whisper in his ear and breathe against his neck.) Who do you think taught me that, Hm?
Ryan: (He laughs.) Maybe just one kiss. (He pulls her face towards his, away from his neck where she had been playfully nibbling on it. As the kiss becomes more passionate, she reaches down and begins to un-tuck his shirt.) Hey, what do you think you're doing?
Marissa: (She pulls away to speak.) I'm enjoying my kiss. (She goes back to kissing him and attempting to strip him of his clothes, but his hands meet hers and stop them.)
Ryan: I really have to go.
Marissa: I'm not done yet.
Ryan: Well, trust me, if I could, I wouldn't leave this bed or let you out of it all day, but I have to go,… please. (She sits up and straddles his waist before sitting down on top of him.)
Marissa: What time will you be home tonight?
Ryan: I don't know.
Marissa: Wrong answer.
Ryan: Late.
Marissa: Nope, wrong answer, again.
Ryan: I will get home as early as I can, but the more work I get done this week, the less I have to do this weekend.
Marissa: When's this project due?
Ryan: Next Monday.
Marissa: And you won't have any more like this the rest of the semester, right?
Ryan: This is the one and only one that will take up this much of my time.
Marissa: Good. (He gently gets up and moves her over so that she is not sitting on his legs any longer. She wraps the robe around herself tighter and then stands up and goes over to where he once again has picked up all of his things.) Will you wake me up when you get home tonight?
Ryan: Are you sure?
Marissa: Yes.
Ryan: Okay. (He leans in and kisses her, meaning for it to be a quick kiss, but it quickly turns passionate. Eventually he pulls away and runs out of the apartment, leaving their bedroom door open as he goes and Marissa follows him out of the room and waves to him as he leaves.)
Summer: Where the hell is Chino off to so early? (Marissa walks into the living room and curls up on the chair.)
Marissa: He had to meet his group to go over some things about their project before his first class.
Seth: (He looks at his watch.) What time were they supposed to meet?
Marissa: Um…I think it was at 7:30.
Seth: It's 8:15 now.
Marissa: (Marissa laughs.) Whoops.
Summer: What exactly where you doing in there Coop?
Marissa: Unfortunately not what you're thinking.
Seth: Ugh, too much information! (Summer and Marissa laugh.)
Marissa: So, what time do you have to be at work today?
Summer: Not until 11:00 and I assume you're going in after your classes?
Marissa: Yep, like always. So, what's on your agenda for the day, Seth?
Seth: I think I'll take a nap around 11:00, watch a little TV in the afternoon, and then go to the arcade until Summer calls to tell me she's done with work.
Marissa: You live a rough life, Seth.
Seth: Somebody around her has to! (Marissa laughs at Seth while Summer rolls her eyes.)
Summer: So, Coop, you, me, Cohen, and perhaps Branning dress shopping this Thursday since we're off of work?
Marissa: Sounds good, but why is Seth allowed to go; isn't it bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her dress before the wedding?
Summer: What? Coop, are you nuts? This is just a preliminary shopping trip, and I need Cohen there to see what he likes and dislikes.
Marissa: Oh, okay?
Seth: This is just going to be terrific! At least I'll get to meet the guy who almost broke up Ryan and Marissa. (Summer and Marissa laugh and share a secretive smile.) What?
Summer: Oh nothing, Cohen, it's just that Branning's been really looking forward to meeting you, too.
Seth: Oh, good. (Marissa and Summer laugh even louder as the camera fades away.)
Credits and Commercial Break
Scene two is Monday evening. Summer is waiting, impatiently tapping her foot a mile a minute and strumming her finger nails on her makeup table, in her dressing room for Marissa and Branning so that they can talk and walk out together. When Marissa and Branning open the door and walk in, she jumps up quickly and starts walking towards them, shutting the lights off as she approaches the door and forcefully ushering them out of the room.
Marissa: Where's the fire, Sum?
Summer: What?
Branning: You're in a little bit of a hurry; what's your rush?
Summer: (She stops in the middle of the hall to ponder this.) Hm, I don't know, guess I just want to get to out of here and get home.
Marissa: Something I'm not in a hurry to do.
Branning: Ugh oh, trouble in paradise? What did lover boy do now? (At the mention of Ryan, even if not by name, Marissa breaks out in a wide smile and she begins to glow.)
Marissa: Nothing, he's perfect.
Summer: Not Cohen!
Marissa: What did he do now?
Summer: Nothing, yet, but I know he'll do something to piss me off, probably tonight, or even better Thursday.
Branning: What's Thursday?
Marissa: Oh, Sum wants you to go preliminary dress shopping with us.
Branning: We'll deal with the shopping first, because, well, it's shopping, but we're coming back to you, Miss Marissa, and this sudden lack of enthusiasm about going home. (He turns to Summer and continues talking.) So, I take it that this is the trip where we're going to take Seth with us so that we can see what he likes and dislikes and, of course, start getting ideas as to what you want in your dress.
Summer: Exactly! Now, how come you can understand this concept but both Cohen and Coop were clueless.
Branning: Well, Seth is a guy, even though by the stories you tell, he does seem to be in touch with his feminine side, and as for Miss Marissa, first of all, she's been living in the middle of nowhere up until two months ago, so she has an excuse, and now, that very masculine boyfriend of hers who oozes sex appeal preoccupies her mind most of the time, so she hasn't yet come around to see things from our perspective.
Summer: Yeah, but sometimes I fear she never will catch up to us, like she really doesn't care about shopping.
Branning: I have that same fear, but that's why we will just have to stick together! Do you think she's listening at all to what we're saying?
Summer: Obviously not. Ever since Valentine's Day, she's been off in her own little world unless she's locked away with Chino. I wonder what caused this to happen.
Branning: Is he that good?
Summer: Ew, Bran, he's like almost my brother-in-law; do not ask me that!
Branning: Well, what else could make her act so dreamy all the time?
Summer: I don't know. Try to get her attention.
Branning: Miss Marissa? (Marissa does not respond, but just keeps walking out of the building in front of them. When she reaches the door, she opens it and walks out, without even looking to see if her two friends are still behind her. Summer and Branning realize that they are going to have to try a different approach and they run after their friend to catch up with her. By the time they reach Marissa, she is to the edge of the sidewalk, and they smirk at each other and speak to get her attention.)
Branning: Ryan, what are you doing here!
Marissa: Ryan's here! Where? (She starts to look around frantically, but he, of course is no where in sight.)
Summer: You are so predictable! We've been trying to get your attention, but you just kept ignoring us.
Marissa: So you decided to get my hopes up and yell Ryan's name?
Branning: Well it worked didn't it? (Marissa's face falls and her depressed countenance once again takes over.)
Marissa: Thanks for getting my hopes up for nothing! (She is also angry so she yells at them and starts to walk off.)
Branning: Hey, what's wrong? Talk to us, Marissa, please.
Marissa: (She whirls around to face them.) Nothing's wrong.
Summer: Obviously something's wrong; you're never like this, moody and emotional, oh my god!
Marissa: What?
Summer: Branning, are you thinking what I'm thinking? (She turns to Branning and they both look at each other and smile mischievously.)
Branning: Oh yeah!
Marissa: What? What do you two know about me that I don't!
Summer: You're pregnant!
Marissa: I am not!
Branning: Why else would you be acting so hormonal?
Marissa: Look, I'm not pregnant, I'm just upset, that's all.
Summer: But you said nothing was wrong?
Marissa: So, I lied.
Branning: You lied to your two best friends; what's going on Marissa?
Marissa: It's not that big of a deal, and that's why I didn't say anything. I knew you guys would laugh at me, and I really didn't want you to know how pathetic I am.
Summer: We already know how pathetic you are, so tell us anyway. (Although she tries not to, Marissa laughs anyway.)
Marissa: Fine, but if I tell you do you promise to drop it so that we can get out of here?
Branning: I swear on Betty Davis' grave!
Marissa: Well then, I know you'll stick to your word; Sum?
Summer: Alright, alright, don't get your panties in a bunch, I swear, too.
Marissa: On who?
Summer: I swear on Cocoa Chanel's grave that after you tell us what's wrong we'll drop it and go home.
Branning: Ooohhh, Cocoa, good one, Sum.
Summer: Thanks.
Marissa: Okay, so you know how Ryan had to leave early to meet with his group this morning?
Summer: Yeah.
Marissa: Well, it's for a project he's working on, a big project, and he'll be working on it practically non-stop all week long, early mornings, late nights, and I'm barely going to see him.
Branning and Summer (same time): Aw!
Branning: So you don't want to go home, because Ryan won't be there?
Summer: And you'll have to go to bed later without him?
Marissa: Yeah, but I told him to wake me when he gets home.
Summer: I'm sure you did, but you two better not wake me up, that's all I have to say!
Marissa: Sum!
Summer: What? I know exactly what you'll be up to, and I don't want to hear any of it, especially early in the morning!
Marissa: Like he'll want to after working all day and late into the night? (She says this like she is upset and asking them to say she's wrong and not sarcastically like one would expect.)
Summer: Chino, not in the mood; never will happen!
Marissa: Oh God, I hope you're right!
Branning: And that right there ladies, is my cue to leave, so until tomorrow, have a wonderful night.
Summer: Good night Branning; don't forget about Thursday!
Branning: Don't worry, I'm going home to mark it on my calendar and it gets a pink marker for fun and exciting! (Summer laughs but Marissa just stares off into space. As Branning leaves, Summer puts her arm through Marissa's and pulls her towards their cars.)
Summer: Come on, let's get you home; the sooner you're in bed, the sooner Chino will wake you up. (Marissa smiles slightly as they walk away.)
Marissa: Okay. (The camera leaves the girls and goes to Caitlyn who is sitting in her room, lying on her bed. Her school books are scattered around her as if she was studying, but she has obviously stopped now. She grabs her cell phone off of her nightstand and dials someone's number. As the person picks up, the camera switches to them. It is Trey. Whoever is speaking will be shown in the scene.)
Trey: Caitlyn.
Caitlyn: Nice hello.
Trey: I thought you were busy when I called you twenty minutes ago?
Caitlyn: Not busy now, or at least, don't want to be busy now, so I quit.
Trey: Cool, so what's up?
Caitlyn: Well, it's Monday evening, which means I still have four more days until this bloody week is over, and I can't wait till the weekend, because school is miserable.
Trey: Fine, I'll go to school for you if you go to work for me.
Caitlyn: You play in a pool all day; that wouldn't be that bad of a trade, except you'd probably flunk all my courses.
Trey: So, thought you hated school?
Caitlyn: I do, but that doesn't mean I want to fail. I am going to college, you know.
Trey: Of course.
Caitlyn: What are your plans Saturday?
Trey: What are your plans Friday?
Caitlyn: I asked you first.
Trey: Saturday, I'm hanging out with you, right?
Caitlyn: Right. So what time do you want to meet me and where?
Trey: When are you going to let me actually pick you up?
Caitlyn: As soon as you're ready to officially meet my Grandparents and Dad, because if a guy shows up to take me out, there's no way they'll let me out of the house without meeting him.
Trey: Not a good idea.
Caitlyn: How about I just meet you at your place, and then we'll just go from there, and figure out what we want to do as we go?
Trey: Sounds good. So, now it's your turn; what are you doing Friday night?
Caitlyn: Ugh, I have to go to this family bonding dinner with my Grandparents, so Friday's out of the picture.
Trey: So I guess I'll just have to wait to see you until Saturday.
Caitlyn: Yep.
Trey: Sh!t!
Caitlyn: What?
Trey: I'm getting another call; I have to go.
Caitlyn: No problem, dinner's probably ready, so I'm going to go and eat. Talk to you tomorrow?
Trey: Yeah, I'll call you.
Caitlyn: Bye. (They both hang up but the camera stays with Trey. There is no other call, but he scrolls down his phone book until he sees the number he stole for Marissa. He dials it, and holds the phone up to his ear. When he hears the recording detailing that the number has been disconnected, he goes to throw the phone out of anger but holds back and just squeezes it as he punches the wall.)
Trey: Damnit! Aaaahhhhh! Now what! (He hits the wall again, not as hard this time, but still angry, and the camera leaves him and goes to Sandy as he returns from work. When he walks in, Kirsten is dishing out dinner for her and Zoe, who is off playing in her room. Sandy starts talking when he walks in the door, not knowing where his family is.)
Sandy: I'm home!
Kirsten: I'm in the kitchen.
Sandy: (He walks into it and kisses Kirsten on the cheek before putting his briefcase down on the table and walking to the fridge to get a bottle of water. After he opens it and takes a drink, they both look up when they hear Zoe running into the room.)
Zoe: Daddy! (He picks her up and swings her around in his arms.)
Sandy: Zoe! How was your day?
Zoe: Busy, I had so much to do. I had a tea party, Ken and Barbie had a fight, I beat Seth's best score on the ninja game, and I drew you some pictures for your new office.
Sandy: You did? Where are they?
Zoe: Upstairs; I'll get them later. How was your day?
Sandy: My day was busy, too. How was your Mommy's?
Kirsten: I have two words for you, Julie Cooper.
Sandy: That bad?
Kirsten: Worse. I can't wait for this party to be over so that I, hopefully, will never have to see her again!
Sandy: Yeah, but knowing your Dad, he'll probably marry her and welcome her into the family.
Kirsten: Do not even think it, Sandy! If he does that, he is disowned from this family.
Sandy: Works for me.
Zoe: What's disowned? (Sandy laughs.)
Kirsten: It means he'll be punished.
Zoe: Oh, okay. What's for dinner?
Kirsten: Chinese. Zoe, will you go and get in your seat, please? (She wiggles in Sandy's arms until he puts her down and she runs over to her seat and climbs in and attempts to buckle it but has difficulty.) So, why were you so late?
Sandy: I'm sorry honey, but I'll probably be late a lot now with the new job.
Kirsten: Well if you could at least call, I'd appreciate it.
Sandy: I can do that.
Kirsten: Thanks, now go buckle your daughter before she has a rage blackout. Sometimes I think she's related to Summer! (Sandy laughs good naturedly, and although Kirsten is attempting to be congenial, it is obvious that she is not happy with Sandy's late arrival home. As he walks off, she turns back to dishing the food out with a scowl on her face. The camera leaves them and goes to Julie. She is pacing in her guest house living room with her cell phone in her hand and a piece of paper in the other contemplating whether or not she should call. Finally, she dials. Unlike most conversations, while Julie talks, the camera only shows her face.)
Julie: Hello. (Pause as the other person replies.) Julie Cooper. (Pause.) I need your help…with something important. (Pause) Of course I know you won't help me unless you get something out of it! (Pause) No, we're not doing that again, don't even think about it! (Pause) Money? (Pause) Yeah, I thought you'd like that, but you don't get any unless it works. (Pause) Take it or leave it; besides, if you don't get anything, that means that I don't either, so it's not like I'll be cheating you or anything. (Pause) Caleb Nichol. (Pause) Let's meet. (Pause) No, not here, are you insane! If someone saw us together, they'd know I was up to something! (Pause) I'm a different person here; they've never seen that side of me. (Pause) Thursday afternoon, the old bar we used to go to. (Pause) 4:00. (Pause) Oh, and be discreet about this. I don't need everyone in Riverside knowing that I called you, let alone that we're working together. (Pause) I, fortunately, can't say the same thing! Thursday, 4:00, don't be late! (She hangs up the phone and crumples the piece of paper up before throwing it away. After putting the cell phone back in her purse, she tries to sit down and watch TV, but her nerves get the better of her, and she stands up and paces again as the camera leaves her and goes to Jimmy and Caleb. They are in Caleb's office at the Newport Group. Caleb, of course, is sitting at his desk, while Jimmy is in his usual chair in front of the desk. Each man has a drink in their hand as they talk.)
Caleb: Before we get to today, how did the rest of the weekend go after I talked to you Saturday afternoon?
Jimmy: Oh, I had a great time, Cal, how about you?
Caleb: Cut the small talk, Jimmy. Did you and Kiki go out to dinner that night like I said so that you could pry her for information about her marriage?
Jimmy: Nope. (He drains the rest of his drink and then sets the glass on Caleb's desk before leaning back and making himself comfortable.)
Caleb: Why not?
Jimmy: Well, it turns out that Kirsten had already made plans that night….with her husband.
Caleb: What are you talking about? Sanford was in Newport, hosting the party Kirsten had thrown.
Jimmy: See, that's where you're wrong. Your little spies must have taken the night off, Cal, because Sandy was no where near Newport; he was in Atlanta, and had been since the night before.
Caleb: Excuse me?
Jimmy: You see, Marissa, that would be my big hearted daughter, demanded that Sandy spend Valentine's Day with his wife, knowing that that was where he wanted to be, so she booked him a flight, told him to pack, and then sent him out the door with instructions to enjoy his weekend while she took care of everything, Zoe, the house, and the party, with the help of Summer.
Caleb: You're not serious?
Jimmy: Very. He showed up and surprised her on Friday night, and then, the next day for Valentine's Day, he planned a date for them. I don't know what they did, but Sunday, when they boarded the plane to come home, first of all, they were running late, and secondly, they had the biggest, cheesiest smiles plastered all over their faces the entire time. Plus, they just talked quietly and held hands the whole flight. I have to say that I'm quite jealous of their relationship.
Caleb: Yeah, because you're still in love with her.
Jimmy: I never said that. I told you that I'll always have feelings for Kirsten and I do love her, but I realized on that flight that I'm not in love with her but the memory of her and how happy I was when I was with her. I'm jealous of them because of how happy they are and how much they are in love. I never found that kind of relationship, but someday, hell, you never know, I'm not that old. So, back to you, I see you survived your first Valentine's Day with my soon-to-be ex, quite the accomplishment.
Caleb: You survived them for how many years?
Jimmy: See, that's where you are wrong. After the first year, I quit celebrating the holiday and Julie would just go off on her own. I never knew what she did, and, frankly, I never care to find out.
Caleb: What are you alluding to Jimmy?
Jimmy: Just how well do you know her, Cal; I mean, you do realize that she's up to something and it's bound to be no good? I hope you're prepared for whatever the fallout will be from her latest scheme.
Caleb: Well then, I guess I know your next assignment. I want you to dig into her past, find out everything you can about her, and report back to me by Saturday night.
Jimmy: You want me to investigate my wife, who, thankfully, will be divorcing me soon, but never the less, whoa!
Caleb: Who else would be better qualified to do it; besides, they'll probably be more willing to give you information if you just tell them that you're married to her.
Jimmy: I don't know exactly what you want me to find out.
Caleb: First of all, follow her around when she goes out, but more importantly, I want to know what she did and who she hung out with before she met you. I want to know about her life from when she was living in Riverside. If she's up to something, she'll need someone's help, and who's she going to go to in this town? She'll go looking for help at home, so your job is to find out who she goes to and what she wants with them. Now, tell me about this afternoon. How did the meeting go?
Jimmy: It went well. Like you told me, we went out to lunch at the country club, went golfing, hung out back at the lounge, smoking cigars and drinking, and I dropped him off at his house to change before I came here.
Caleb: Change for what?
Jimmy: I'm to pick him up at 9:00 to go to the other club you said he liked, the gentleman's club. Everything's been arranged for him to have his own private room with as many girls as he wants and the drinks will be flowing non-stop.
Caleb: Good, good, you do listen when I tell you what to do. Report back to me in the morning, or, on second thought, whenever you sober up tomorrow, and then begin looking into Julie.
Jimmy: So, do you want to join us tonight?
Caleb: I really shouldn't. Julie…
Jimmy: Julie once did porn, I don't she'd object to you going to a strip club. (When he says porn, Caleb chokes on his drink.)
Caleb: Did you just say porn?
Jimmy: Wow, you really didn't look into her past at all, did you? I'm surprised at you, Cal; you're getting sloppy in your old age.
Caleb: Is she…safe?
Jimmy: The last time she was tested, she was, but that was years ago, and I know she slept around when we were married, so you might want to have yourself checked out.
Caleb: I can't believe this is happening.
Jimmy: She's probably fine. Her favorite targets were wealthy, respectable business men, not so unlike yourself, or young, energetic teenage boys, experienced enough to know what they were doing yet inexperienced enough to not be unhealthy.
Caleb: What have I gotten myself into?
Jimmy: Welcome to life with Julie Cooper, never a dull moment or easy night's rest. You know it's not too late now to get the hell away from her, and if you want my advice, that's exactly what I'd do if I were you before she does some real damage to your life.
Caleb: We'll just see what you come up with and what my doctor says. (Jimmy laughs.)
Jimmy: So does that mean you'll be joining us tonight?
Caleb: Yeah, just give me a minute to put these papers away. I'll meet you out at my limo. If we're going to do this, we might as well do it right. (Jimmy laughs again.)
Jimmy: Don't take too long, because I'm hungry and you can take me to dinner before we meet up with the client. (This time it is Caleb's turn to laugh.)
Caleb: Just give me ten. Make yourself a drink while you wait for me.
Jimmy: I never turn down good liquor. (With that he walks out of the office, shutting the door after him. Caleb gets up and starts to organize his office while the camera fades away and goes to Seth sitting in the apartment by himself. He is in the living room listening to music. The song should be Michael Stipe's and Joseph Arthur's "In the Sun." As he listens, he drums his fingers against his legs to the beat of the song, but since it is slow, he gets bored and starts the Playstation up. Before it can even load, he turns it off and grabs his cell phone. As he waits for the person he dialed to pick him, he talks to himself.)
Seth: Come on, man, pick up! I'm bored out of my mind here, and we haven't had Seth/Ryan time in forever. (Ryan's voicemail picks up. After he impatiently listens to the message, he starts talking.) So, I take it you're still working with all those other architecture nerds on this project of yours. Me, you ask, well I'm sitting here in our empty apartment, listening to the new Michael Stipe and Joseph Arthur charity song, it's not bad, it's not your taste, because it's not Journey, but it'll do, and I'm waiting for the girls to get home so that we can eat dinner and I can finally have someone to talk you. I've been alone all day long. First I took a nap; that was fun. Then I watched soap operas…..because Summer asked me tivo them for her; I don't watch them on my own, not me, not the masculine, sexy Seth Cohen who hates, absolutely hates all soap operas, even Spanish language ones! After that I ate some lunch, some left overs Marissa had packed up for me. Man do you have it made; I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be married to her someday! Do you think she'd give Summer cooking lessons, I'd pay for them? Hm, it's worth a try; I'll ask her tonight, but not with Summer in the room. Anyway, after I ate my lunch, I then…. (At this point the phone interrupts his message because time has lapsed and it asks him if he is satisfied with his message.) You dmn cell phone Nazi! I want more time to talk to my brother, I have a lot more to tell him, and you cannot just interrupt me when you please. (He sits and ponders for a moment before hanging up and redialing.) You may be able to delay me, but when I want Seth/Ryan time, I get Seth/Ryan time. (The voice mail picks up right away and he waits to continue his one sided conversation with a machine.) Anyway, like I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by your not so friendly robot of a secretary on your phone, after I finished my lunch, I went to the arcade and hung out there. I beat every single person I played, and true, no one was above the age of nine, but that's still an awesome record! I was on fire today; I was unstoppable! I'm supposed to go back tomorrow to rematch this seven year old. He said he's going to practice tonight because he thinks he can beat me, me, Seth Cohen, comic book genius and gold-metal winning athlete if they had an Olympic event for video game playing! Well, while I was playing Summer called to tell me they were on their way back home, so I hopped on the trusty skateboard and made my way back here, but they're not here yet and I'm bored and I hadn't talked to you all day, so I figured I'd give you a ring. You'll never guess where I'm being taken against my will on Thursday; you should be glad you'll be cooped up in the library all afternoon and evening and will get to escape it! I have to go with Summer, Marissa, and this Branning guy, hey at least I'll be able to gauge his true intentions towards Marissa for you, on a preliminary wedding dress excursion. She's not buying, she's not even looking to buy; we're just going to get ideas and so she can judge what I like and dislike. Basically it's a torture trip intended to judge the sincerity of my proposal and just how much bullying I'll put up with. We all know that without you I have no backbone, so it looks as if I'm cooked! It's over for me after Thursday; the last shred of manhood I had left will be lost and Summer will officially rule our relationship, not that she hasn't always, but I at least had a say sometimes, but after this evil experiment, I'm done for. Wish me well… (He is once again interrupted by the message asking him if he is pleased with his message. Just like last time, he hangs up and redials waiting to continue his monologue. Once he listens to the voice mail message, he continues talking.) Now, where was I? Oh yeah, that's right, I was about to ask you to wish me well and to keep positive thoughts going in my direction. I'm going to need all the help I can get. Hey, you never know, maybe Branning can be an ally for me. I'm not really sure why he would want to go preliminary dress shopping with the focused Summer and her black am-ex card, but who am I to judge? He's not really muscular is he, I mean, just in case I annoy him I don't want him to be able to hurt me, but who are we kidding, no one can injure the ironist…well at least not when Kid Chino is around or Little Miss Vixen when she's not shopping, but you'll be off with your nerds and Summer will be too distracted to take care of me, so I guess that leaves Marissa. Hey, speaking of Marissa, we, meaning I, need to come up with a personality for her in my comic. Let me see, what is she good at, what are he defining traits? She can cook; there may be something there. She can write, and although the power of the men is mighty, I'm not sure it would make a convincing super hero. She has the power to take down pervy professors and turn you into mush. Hm ….I guess I'll just need some time to think on this. A decision of this magnitude can not be made lightly; I have to consider every option, weigh the pros and cons of each one, and make sure that whatever I decide compliments the characters already created. Maybe she's the final touch I need to finally get this thing published! If creating a character for Marissa makes me a real comic book author, I will forever worship the ground she walks on, not that I don't already; I mean did you taste that homemade soup she made last week and her pound cake? WOW! (He is silent for a moment while contemplating the food Marissa makes for him.) Oh, sorry there body, I kind of got side tracked, hunger tends to do that to me. Speaking of hunger, I bet you're starving; too bad you have to stay at the library tonight and won't get to eat anything until you get home late, late tonight when everyone's in bed, including Marissa so she won't be able to make you anything and you won't be able to nibble on her! (He laughs at his own joke.) Hey, I kind of like talking to you when you can't reply back; that way, I never get hurt and can say whatever I want. Which reminds me, whenever I decide what Marissa's character will be, I have to get working on drawing her and designing her concept, but whatever it is, her costume will be short! I have to say man, your girlfriend has some nice stems! Summer would hurt me if she heard me say this, but those legs just go on…. (He is interrupted again by the recording. He hangs up and redials but talks while he listens.) Ugh, you just had to interrupt me right when I was getting started! He will be fuming when he gets to that part, but then he'll have to wait till the next message to hear what I went on to say, and by that time, the anger will have resided some. Why oh why do you do you do this to me cell phone Nazi? I was on a roll, and you completely ruined my train of thought! (The voice mail message ends so that he can start talking to Ryan once again.) I'm back; did you miss me? I bet you did! So, where were we buddy of mine, brother of mine, oh yes, that's right, we were discussing the very luscious legs of your lady love! Are they your favorite part of her body, because I have to tell you as an impartial observer, they rank on my top three list. Now when you look at Summer, legs are not what you think of, but she also has many fine physical qualities. Of course she has a gorgeous face, but wow does she have a nice r…. (Summer and Marissa walk in the door and see him on the phone and hear what he is saying.) Rolex watch! Yes Ryan, my man, that she does, but I have to go. The girlies are home, which means Seth should be fed soon, so no time to chat. Have fun with your geeks and don't do anything I wouldn't do! (As he goes to hang up the phone, Marissa runs towards him talking.)
Marissa: Seth, don't hang up! I want to talk to him. (He hangs up anyway.)
Seth: Sorry to disappoint, but that really wasn't Ryan on the phone.
Summer: Cohen what are you talking about? You said his name, and Marissa really wanted to talk to him. Call him back!
Seth: I was just talking to his voice mail. Bored and lonely while you two took your sweet time coming home, I had to do something to occupy myself.
Summer: Ever heard of cleaning?
Seth: Hahaha, that's what you're for! (He knows as soon as he said it that it was a bad idea, and as she chases after him, he runs. Eventually she catches up to him, because the room is small and smacks him over the head. Marissa laughs at their entire show.)
Summer: Cohen!
Seth: I'm sorry Summer my lovely lemon drop; I was just teasing. You'll never have to clean out house. If we don't always live with Ryan and Marissa so they can clean up after us, then I'll hire you a maid. (She kisses him.)
Summer: Thanks Cohen. Now, set the table. (Seth's shoulders slump as he goes to gather plates, cups, and silverware for dinner. He walks like he is depressed.)
Seth: So Marissa, or as I called you to Ryan, his luscious leggy lady of love, what's for dinner?
Summer: Cohen! Don't talk to her like that, you'll give her nightmares, and Chino won't be here to protect her when she wakes up dreaming of you hitting on her!
Seth: I wasn't hitting on her; I was just stating a fact, and don't deny it, Summer, you know as well as I do that Marissa has great stems. (Instead of Summer getting mad, she just examines Marissa.)
Summer: You know he's right Coop?
Marissa: Summer, I'm going to use one of your classic lines here to express what I think about this conversation, EW! Can we please just drop it? The only person who needs to notice or comment about my legs is not here, and I don't need you two trying to take his place, got it? And to answer your question, I'm not making any dinner. You're on your own tonight. I'm not hungry, Ryan's not here, and I'm not in the mood to cook. There's food in the fridge, and we all know you know how to order with the best of them, so do what you want. I'm going to bed. The quicker I fall asleep, the quicker Ryan will wake me up. (And with that, she leaves the room and goes into her bedroom shutting the door. Summer and Seth silently watch her leave. After the door shuts, Summer explodes and starts to smack him over and over again on his chest, back, arms, and head.)
Summer: What the hell, Cohen! First you get her hopes up that she could talk to Ryan, then you make sick perverted comments to her about her legs, and then you go and practically force her to cook for you! I don't know how many times Chino has told you this, but you better listen to me; Marissa is not your personal chef, so stop treating her like she is! God, why are you such an ss, Cohen!
Seth: You agreed with me about her legs, and don't tell me you don't enjoy her food and hope everyday that she'll cook for us! I'm just more vocal about my admiration for her talents, that's all, and besides, how was I supposed to know that she was practically falling apart over not being able to see Ryan! I mean, what's it been, ten hours since she saw him last; what's that all about?
Summer: It's not that she hasn't seen him in ten hours, it's that she knows she'll barely see him the entire week, and you know those two, they can't stand to be apart for five minutes let alone five days, so we're just going to have to be supportive and one of us is going to have to think before we speak!
Seth: Who me?
Summer: Yes you!
Seth: Oh, and you never stick your foot in your mouth?
Summer: Shut it, Cohen! I'm going to go check on Marissa. (She starts to walk off towards Ryan and Marissa's room, but Seth gently grabs her by the arm and holds her back.)
Seth: I don't think she wants to see anyone right now, Summer, but she's fine. If she needs anything, she knows that we're here for her and she'll ask. Now come on, let's go and see if we can rummage up something to eat without burning down the entire apartment building. (As they walk off towards the kitchen, Summer laughs despite herself and they go arm in arm. The camera fades to black and the scene ends.)
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