He didn't know what he had been thinking. Really, he didn't.
They had barely docked back in the New York harbor after they transfered the load into a warehouse- which would be moved by another party soon- when Donatello jumped from the boat and jumped to a building.
His feet moved before he even thought it through. No direction or destination in mind but to get away, to get alone.
It wasn't the first time he had gone off on his own, and it's not like he wasn't permitted to do so. He was allowed to leave and come within certain restraints.
But he hadn't even spoken to Karai, not even bothered to ask her permission.
One more mistake that he had made tonight.
How stupid he was! He was supposed to be moderately smart! He had not only questioned Karai, but had done so openly.
And then what had he done? He had gone against Karai. Completely disobeyed a direct order from a superior.
Oh if someone had known...
He would already undoubtedly be in heaps of trouble for questioning Karai, not to even mention him running off...
But he couldn't deny that it was the right thing to do, freeing the turtle. It would have been dishonorable to sit by and do nothing in the face of such a murderous act, even if what he did do was small.
And yet, he couldn't lie to himself and say that was the only motivation for the defiant act. He couldn't bare the thought of something happening to the turtles and yet he had no reasoning for it.
Perhaps it was because they were of the same species. Yes, that had to be it.
He didn't know how long he had been running or even where he was before his gut was telling him that he was being followed.
Still he ran on, trying to use his slimness to his advantage, to force himself to be faster.
He jumped onto another rooftop and caught a glimpse of his follower- the red banded turtle from the docs.
For a breif moment, he felt relief.
He was alive, his attempt to help had not gone in vain.
Then he saw the not too happy expression on the turtle's face and amended the thought.
Maybe he had failed after all.
Donatello kept running, trying to put enough distance between them as he could.
He didn't want to fight with this turtle, not now, not when the urge to turn around and demand to know if the other two were okay was so strong and so confusing.
But the turtle wasn't giving him a choice. He was gaining ground and if Dontallo didn't act now, the turtle would surely overtake him.
He acted like he was about to jump to the next building, allowing the turtle to gain on him, and quickly turned and planted one foot to the ground, using it to push off on, and kicked the turtle in the head before he could back up.
The turtle stumbled but his eyes remain fixed on him.
This gave him the time to pull out his staff and get into a defensive position.
He made sure that no emotion showed on his face.
"Walk away." He spat at the turtle.
The turtle's expression turned to one of hate, and Donatello knew that he must have failed.
A pit began in his stomach, the guilt nearly overwhelming.
"Walk away?" The turtle spat back. "No chance. You almost got Mikey killed!"
Almost? Relief washed over Donatello for a moment before he hid it again.
"Who do you think has the advantage here?" He asked. "I have weapons you can and cannot see. You have nothing, you're weakened from your little swim- I can tell because you're shivering- and you're angry and irrational."
The turtle's lips lifted into a sneer.
"Who are you?" He spat out
Donatello chose not to answer. What did it matter what his name was?
"Walk away, this is the last time I'm going to tell you." He said.
Please walk away, Donatello thought. I really don't want to do this right now.
Actually, he really didn't want to do this ever.
But of course, the turtle didn't react to his words but to get angrier.
Donatello had a feeling that this turtle was as stubborn as a mule.
"You almost killed my brother." The anger in the other turtle's voice was nearly palpable. "I don't forget that."
Again, the confusing and unexplainable relief at those words surged through him. Almost. Why should he feel anything for these turtles? These terrapins that he had never met and had no knowledge of? He must have been concerned about their deaths being dishonorable. Yes, that must be it. Or that they're the same species.
Not that he could ever say these things aloud, but it was good to reassure himself nonetheless.
Donatello was just considering making a break for it when the human from the night before jumped onto the ledge, holding a large hockey stick.
What is with the hockey sticks? Donatello thought with exasperation. Just join a team already if you're that obsessed.
The human didn't feel threatening to him in the least, he only added to his annoyance.
Both attackers took on an offensive position and Donatello inwardly sighed.
If this is how you want to play it, then so be it.
Donatello raised his staff and took a step forward.
He would focus on the turtle, as he posed the biggest threat. But he would try to knock the human out of the game as quickly as possible just as not to be distracted.
"What are you doing?" Karai's furious voice rang out. "Come!"
Donatello glanced at Karai out of the corner of his eye but didn't dare turn to fully look at her.
"Donatello! That's an order! Come, now!"
Donatello had only enough time to see the turtle's expression before he jumped back onto the rooftop behind him.
Shock was the first thing Donatello saw. The turtle's mouth was slack, his eyes wide and focused on him.
Donatello wasn't sure if the turtle even registered when he began to run with Karai.
They ran for several minutes, each expecting an attack but after it became clear that none was forthcoming, they stopped on a roof to catch their breath.
"What were you thinking, Donatello?" Karai demanded. "Do you know how long you've been gone?"
"I wasn't thinking. I apologize, Karai." Donatello said. "I just wanted some air and didn't think to ask you."
"Ask me?" Karai's voice raised. "Donatello, you went off on your own after a mission that wasn't even done yet, you tell no one where you're going or what you're doing. How do you expect me to react?"
Donatello didn't answer, knowing that anything he said was likely to just be more fuel to the fire.
"Shredder wants to see you. As soon as we get back. I was sent after you."
His gut clenched into knots at the words.
But what had he expected, really?
So he only nodded his understanding and Karai started the way back, keeping close to him just in case he decided to make a run for it.
Not that he would've.
Where would he have gone? He was a giant talking mutant turtle- he couldn't exactly walk down the streets of New York and go get an apartment. He would be on the quickest flight to an examining table in history.
So he had no choice but to follow Karai back to headquarters and go through the tunnel entrance that he always had to use lest anyone see him, and into the building.
His nerves were on end and electrified, making his eyes flicker to the slightest sound. Once he deemed that it wasn't a threat- at least not to him- he would focus his eyes ahead of him.
Karai didn't hesitate before opening the door to the room that Shredder had been in before and walking in.
Donatello reluctantly followed, trying to force himself not to swallow so loudly.
No emotion. He reminded himself. No fear.
But a part of him was certain that Shredder was an animal, able to smell fear no matter how well it was hid.
Or maybe he was just being irrational.
Karai led the way now, guiding him around elite ninjas that worked directly under Shredder, and then to the man himself.
He had his back turned to them as Karai knelt down, her hands in front of her, her forehead touching the ground.
Donatello got down on his knees, placing his hands in front of him and leaning his forehead on the ground.
When he heard the rather distinctive sound of metal, Donatello had to stop himself from moving out of position.
The knife was mere centimeters from his hand and had cut the side of his hand just enough to elict a small trickle of blood.
When he heard no words, Donatello thought his chances might be a bit better if he explained before Karai could. Or maybe she already had.
"Master Saki, I can-"
"You were not given permission to speak."
Donatello swallowed again, trying his hardest not to move or look up to see just how badly he had messed up tonight. The tone of fury in Shredder's voice alone terrified him.
If he had only questioned it before, he was certain now. Shredder was an animal who could surely smell his fear.
"Karai has told me what happened." Shredder said from a few mere feet from him.
Donatello would have liked for there to be much more room than that between them.
"She told me that you argued her decision to kill the turtles once they were detained. And then, after the boat docked in New York, you ran off." The words were spoken in such a threatening manner that it nearly made Donatello flinch in his shell, but lucky for him that he had long mastered the skill of becoming a statue.
Still, Donatello did not dare speak. What could he say, really? What the Shredder had just accused him of was undeniably true, so what possible thing could he come up with to refute it?
"Have you nothing to say?" Shredder demanded.
Donatello swallowed and racked his head for something to say, so he resorted to the truth, a dangerous line that he treaded with caution, picking and choosing his words wisely.
"Master Saki, I did not argue with Karai out of anything but respect. I felt that killing them in the way we did would have been dishonorable, but I respected her decision." Donatello said. "I ran after we docked because I thought I saw one of the turtles."
The lie was better than the truth. I don't know would undoubtedly not only raise suspicion, but anger from the already furious ninjitsu master before him
"And did you?"
Donatello swallowed.
"Yes." He admitted. He couldn't very well lie when Karai was sitting right there next to him. "He was wearing a red bandana."
"And the others?"
"I don't know." He lied. "He seemed rather angry, so if I had to guess, I would say that they didn't make it."
Shredder was quiet for a moment in which Donatello struggled once again to not break position and look up.
"And who was it that tied him up?"
Donatello's heart dropped to his stomach at the not so subtle accusation, but forced himself to answer honestly.
"I did, Master Saki." Donatello admitted. "I must have not tied his wrists well enough, I underestimated his strength."
"I see."
Donatello swallowed.
"Take Donatello to Dr. Roland."
The words sent a shiver through Donatello's spine but he could do nothing but go along.
"Hai, Master Saki." Donatello said, fighting to keep the fear out of his voice.
Karai stood silently by his side to escort him, to make sure that he didn't run off he guessed, not that he could remember ever doing that. But he guessed that he had to have done so when he was younger, before he realized that not going along with a punishment could only demand worse fates.
They did not speak. Karai was tense beside him, leading the way with quick, stiff steps in front of him.
When they got to the right door, Karai pressed the correct code in and turned around like she was going to walk away before turning back to him.
"He's waiting for you, I'm not sure how long it will take." She said to him, but Donatello refused to look in her direction.
As childish as it was, Donatello realized how angry he was with her. Just this once, could she not cover for him? She wouldn't even have to lie, just withhold some bits of information is all. How many times has he lied for her? Sheilded her from punishment? But he couldn't say any of that, so he remained silent and kept his eyes away from Karai.
"I did not mean for this to happen, Donatello, it was not my wish." She said in a quieter tone.
Donatello ignored her as if she hadn't spoken and walked into the room, swallowing his panic as he did.
The all too familiar room came into view as he walked deeper inside, forcing his feet forward to meet one of the many people he had grown to hate.
Dr. Roland stood beside the white table, his back turned to Donatello.
Donatello breifly entertained himself by imagining the many different ways that he could kill the man in that moment. He knew that he could do it- that wasn't the issue. The issue was the aftermath. The consequences of killing a man- if one were so generous with the word- who ran in Oroko Saki's circle would be devastating.
So he would have to make due with the murderous fantasies and nothing more.
As Donatello was calculating the amount of energy and force he would need to break the man's neck, he spoke, breaking the turtle out of his violent imagination.
"Donatello, it has been a minute since you were in here."
"Three months." Donatello answered, bowing when the man turned to face him. Three months- his record.
"What did you do this time?" The man's tone was one of amusement and humor, not of actual curiosity.
"I questioned a superior." Donatello answered him.
Probably wouldn't be that hard to break his neck, Donatello resumed his dark thoughts once again.
"Sit."
The order caused all of Donatello's muscles to seize up at once, his mind flitting through all of their prior sessions that his ever memorable brain refused to forget.
Sometimes having a photographic memory was more of a curse than blessing.
"Sit, or I will call someone in to make you." The bark in the man's tone bordered on dangerous.
The threat did not pass Donatello by, but his body still stubbornly refused to move an inch, too afraid to go near the table.
The sight of Dr. Roland moving toward the com in the corner of the desk kicked Donatello's mind into gear and he stumbled forward toward the white table in the center of the room.
He swallowed his pride and his fear as he sat down on the atrocious table and laid down. He would not give anyone the satisfaction of seeing him afraid.
As soon as he was lying down on the table, the cuffs detached from the metal table and latched around Donatello's wrists and ankles, effectively trapping him. Of course, Donatello knew that this would happen- it did every time- and yet he couldn't help the barely perceptible flinch that it still caused.
Deep breaths, he told himself. Just take deep, calming- oh who was he kidding? Deep calming breaths? Since when was calm ever a factor in his life?
He was so lost in his self deprecation that he barely held back a scream on the first round of shocks.
The electricity seared through his body like it was alive, starting at his restraints and racing through the rest of his body as if it was alive.
Donatello forced himself to remain frozen on the table, not allowing himself to move an inch that wasn't involuntary due to the shocks.
Another round of electricity suddenly raced through his system, causing his shell to arch against the restraints without him even realizing what he was doing at first.
The shock stopped abruptly but Donatello knew better than to let his guard down.
One of the worst things about these 'sessions' was that Dr. Roland made sure to keep him on his toes. Sometimes he would distribute shock after shock to his system without even a moment's pause, other times, he would put several minutes hesitation between each, never the same amount of time between them so that Donatello could never prepare himself properly.
Then there was the voltage. Dr. Roland was a firm believer in testing the boundaries of whoever was unfortunate enough to be in his hands- mainly Donatello- and practiced this whenever he was able. He would up the voltage high enough to cause the most amount of pain possible for him to be conscious while not dying. Other times he would give the machine barely any juice, just enough to keep him uncomfortable, and then suddenly crank the voltage up to an extreme level.
Oh how Donatello hated the man.
The next round, nearly at an unmanageable level, almost had him screaming. He instead bit the inside of his cheek to keep from crying out and forced himself to become a statue once again.
Donatello envisioned a reality where he was free from the restraints and the roles reversed, where Roland was strapped down in the stupid table and-
Another shock, somewhat less painful, ripped through him again.
When I get out of these I'm going to kill you, Donatello thought for the umpteenth time before another wave hit him.
I'm sorry if this is short, I'm working on more chapters. Let me know if there is anything that you would like to see at some point, I'd be very interested in hearing it!