"Dean? Dean! Something the matter with your hearing dude? Geez. Bobby said you were thinking about going for a walk. Still thinking of going? Want some company?"

"Yeah, Sam. Sure. I'll come with you if you want to go for a walk."

"I was suggesting that I came ... never mind... you good to go?"

"Huh?"

"Good to go, Dean? Ready to leave?"

"Yeah, just... I ... I need my shoes. Hang on."

"Bobby? He banged his head or something? He's not with it at all."

"I know what you mean, lad, but nothing so far as I know. He seemed fine when he called me for a lift but when I got to pick him up about 15 minutes later, he looked out of sorts and hasn't really been right since. Trying to talk to him is difficult to say the least."

"Maybe the walk will help clear his head." Sam turns back towards Dean's room and calls, "Dude, you ready yet?" No answer. He walks forward and pushes the door open to see Dean sat on the edge of the bed looking at something in his hands. Sam walks in and sits beside his brother, "Dean? You okay?"

"Sam? Shit, I came to get my shoes. Geez, sorry man."

"What've ya got?"

"Huh? Nothing, it's nothing. I'm ready. Let's go." Dean let what he'd been holding drift to the bed.

Sam looked and recognised it instantly. He'd had his own copy of the photo once, probably still did somewhere but it wasn't something he felt the need to keep close track of anymore. He'd got some more recent photos of himself and Dean, they were more important but he supposed Dean remembered to some extent the time before the fire, however, dim and tarnished the memory might be.

The boys hit the trail outside Bobby's at an easy pace. Sam figured he could try probing to find out what was on his brother's mind as they walked. "So you thinking about when we were kids, then?"

"Kids? Us, oh the photo, you mean. No, not exactly."

"Thinking about Dad then?"

"Yeah well, Dad. Not really, not like that, a bit but it's okay, Sam, it's not you know, anything to worry about."

"Dean, Dad will be fine. He always is, you shouldn't worry about him so much. He's not worth the wasted energy."

"No, sure. You're right. He'll be fine like you say. Nothing to worry about, nothing at all."

"Dean, what's up?"

"How do you know? How do you work it out?"

"Work what out, Dean?"

"The right thing to do."

"Not following you. You're going to have to give me more than that to work with."

"Like when you're making a choice, how do you know which is the right one? How do you know you're doing the right thing?"

"I guess you don't you just go with whatever seems right at the time. Whatever feels best. Why? You making a decision about something?"

"I don't know, maybe. Do you like just make the choice or do you think what would she want me to do? Would she think I was doing the right thing?"

"She? Dean, who? Mom? Are you worrying about what Mom would think?"

"I think she'd like the fact you went to Stanford. I mean, I don't remember her ever really saying stuff like that about College but I think she used to say it was important to learn stuff, learn as much as you can."

"Dean, it was a long time ago."

"I just, you know, wonder sometimes, whether I've done enough to make her proud."

"I'm sure you have, Dean. I'm sure she'd be proud of you."

"Maybe. Sometimes I'm not sure. Sometimes I think I've made the wrong choices."

"Dean, everyone does sometimes but so long as you've tried to do the right thing, it'll be okay."

"I don't know. She'd have hated the hustling and the card scams and when I stole stuff."

"Yeah, but we've stopped that now, she'd respect that. When did you steal stuff? You mean like cars for jobs?"

"That too."

"When else Dean? What else?"

"Food. Dad was away, we were hungry, I stole some stuff from a store. She'd hate me doing that."

"Yes she would, but she wouldn't blame you. She'd be sad for you, that's all."

"Maybe."

"Why are you worrying about what Mom would have wanted now? Is there something I should know?" Sam watches him intently, wondering what is making him so preoccupied by what he thinks his Mom would want.

"She's always loved you, Sammy. You were special. She used to say that all the time. Sammy's our special baby. We're lucky to have him."

"She loved you too, Dean."

"I nearly shot her." Sam can hear the horror in his voice at the memory of the events in Lawrence. "I didn't recognise her, you did though. I didn't recognise her."

"Dean, it wasn't like that, you didn't have time." Sam has no idea how to assuage his brother's sense of failure. "She knew."

"She came for you." It is in those four words that Sam can hear the deep hurt in his brother's heart. The feeling of having been abandoned by both parents. Despite his every attempt to live his life to please them, he had been deserted and there would never be anything Sam could do to change that for him.

"Mom always thought family was important. She used to say how I had to be a good brother."

"You've done fine, Dean. Honestly, a great brother, that's you. Stop worrying about it."

"Not a good son, though. Never managed that, did I?"

"So, this is about Dad?"

"What would have to happen for you to want us to be a family again, Sam?"

"Dean, we've talked about this before. WE are a family. You and me, that's our family and Bobby I guess. We're settled, we're sorted, we've got a home, Dean. This is the best we've ever had it. Aren't you happy? Is there something missing? I didn't think you were missing Dad, you haven't said anything about him in... god, I don't know how long. I guess I was wrong when I thought maybe you'd realised he wasn't worth it."

"I know what you're saying, Sam. I do. I am happy. I was happy but then I got to thinking what would Mom say, you know, to us cutting him off like that? How disappointed would she be in me?"

"Dean, man. You don't see it at all, do you? If she's going to be disappointed in you or me for that matter, her priorities were screwed. How do you think she looks at him knowing what he did? How he left us alone, how he left you to bring me up, how you had to steal and hustle and scam because of him, how he used to hit you? What about him cutting me off? What about him walking out on us in the hospital or calling me to leave with him, leaving you alone? Do you honestly think we don't have a reason to put an end to it?"

"But he does it for a reason, he does it for her."

"No, not anymore, he does it for revenge. Dean, he does it because we let him and no-one calls him on it. The only times you've said no and he's put you in hospital. Dean, she would never want that for you. She was your mother, no mother could want that for their children. Believe me."

"God, I hope you're right." Sam watches Dean as they walk. There is obviously more to the conversation, something else that he wasn't talking about, but Sam couldn't work out what.

There was no way for Dad to have been in touch with Dean without him or Bobby knowing about it unless Dean contacted him. Sam had quite deliberately trashed Dean's phone when he was still out of it in the hospital after Dad had left. Dad had shown his true colours and Sam had decided then not to let Dean be drawn back into the abusive cycle. He'd got a new phone and a new number and Dean had never questioned it. As far as he knew Dean had made no attempt to call Dad and Dad couldn't have found out his number. So what exactly had triggered this?