Kurama
Blood trickled down Kurama's fingertips. A deep crimson that was darker than his soaked hair cascading down his shoulder blades. He pulled his arm back and smashed his fist into the glass bricks again. They had cracked and shattered long ago, but blood had smeared the shards that remained from his punches. The blood ran down the wall, aided by the damp in the shower and spiraled away into the drain. Kurama stopped, the anger that he felt not ebbing away in the slightest. He dropped his arm to the side of his body and let his bloodied hand drip. The water was almost scalding hot, but he was oblivious to that. His forehead was resting on the glass blocks that made up the wall of the shower, the bloodied shattered one letting in a small cool breath of wind. The blocks were cool, but warming, the water that pounded his shoulders and ran down his back and sides was a sharp contrast to the cool that brushed across his chest.
In fact he was oblivious to just about everything that was going on in the physical world. He'd shut his eyes long ago, attempting to block out the lingering traces of what had happened such a short time ago.
"Koto…Hiei…Botan." He muttered their names and his apology again. He'd lost count of the number of times that he'd said sorry to her sleeping form, to the dark sky, and here in the steamy heat of the shower. He'd tried to say other things, think other things. But nothing seemed worth saying, he didn't have the willpower to say anything else. Kurama knew that the apology was nothing, it meant nothing, it was worth nothing. Not to him, not to Hiei, or even to Koto…and especially nothing to Botan.
Without thought, Kurama drew his fist back and smashed it into another brick. The glass shattered and his clenched hand passed through the spot effortlessly. More blood seeped from a gash along the top of his hand and he could see the white of his ring finger's knuckle. He held the hand up and let the water wash away the stain. He flexed his hand a few times and knew that the wounds would heal up quickly, they always did. The physical wounds always did, probably because they hurt the least. There were injuries greater than these, far greater.
"Why did I do it? Why did it have to be this way?" Kurama asked quietly. He knew that there were answers, he knew what the answers were, but part of him couldn't face them. The human part of him couldn't. The demon in him was far more blunt that the human could ever be. He'd betrayed Koto…all because he'd been ordered to. Kurama couldn't decide if it was fear or loyalty that made him do it. Betrayal was still betrayal, whether it was for the right reasons or wrong.
Kurama straightened up and smoothed his crimson hair in the cascade of water. He'd washed long ago, only remaining in the stinging spray out of some twisted sense of pittance.
You did it Shuichi. You know you did. Kurama heard Youko's voice whisper in his mind, hidden in the dark recesses of their shared soul. That demon voice was the brutal honesty that he'd been avoiding with failing ability.
"I know, but I don't know why Youko." Kurama whispered, willing the voice to remain silent. He didn't want to deal with this now.
I know exactly why Shuichi. Exactly why. Youko replied, and instead of sounding condescending or insulting, Youko sounded…consoling?
"Then tell me damn you." Kurama snarled. He knew Youko wouldn't even blink at his anger, but Kurama didn't care, he was angry, angry in a way that he had never been before.
To protect her.
"What?" Kurama asked, shocked. "How in Kami's name is that protecting Koto? I stripped her of her memories, four months of her life are gone Youko. She'll never have it back."
And how did you erase it Shuichi?
"Dream Flower Pollen, the same thing I used to make Maya forget about Eight hands and her feelings for me. I knew the proper way to utilize it." Kurama replied.
Exactly. And you are as much a herbalist as I. Think Shuichi. Youko said.
"I'm aware it has an antidote Youko. But that is far from being the problem."
Ah yes, your new…masters. Youko replied, and that was condescension in his voice. Kurama remained silent. He didn't know how to answer. True, he did have loyalty for Spirit world, but that was more because of Yusuke and Kuwabara than devotion to serving Spirit World. As everything went, the only reason that he'd done what he'd done was that he'd been protecting his human family. Stealing the Artifacts of Darkness had gotten him into this whole unseemly affair. That had gotten him involved with Yusuke, who he owed much to for helping him save his mother. Then the Saint Beasts, and finally the Dark Tournament. Hopefully that would have been the end of it all, if not for Koto, then perhaps he could have left spirit world behind.
"I have no master." Kurama whispered back, finally.
Then why did you do it? You believe it was to protect her…but from who?
To that Kurama had one answer; "Koenma…"
Very good. Now let's keep going with that thought. Why would that arrogant little god hurt Koto?
"He wouldn't have done it deliberately…but, inadvertently."
How so?
"Erasing memories is not easy, the pollen is the safest…if not the most discretionary method…"
Yes…now, think more…why did her memory need to be erased? Youko whispered in Kurama's mind, the voice sounded almost like a professor reasoning his student towards the logical conclusion of a problem. Kurama grimaced.
"Because she knew the truth. About Hiei, about you and myself, about Botan. We told her what we were, that we weren't all exactly human. We told her everything about Spirit World, Demon world and everything associated with our duties. She knew, and she was forbidden to know." Kurama whispered, biting back a tear. Yes, Hiei had told Koto everything about himself, the long and sordid litany of his life. But he hadn't said a word about Kurama and Youko, or about Botan, or Spirit World for that matter. It was again Kurama's fault for explaining what he truly was, along with explaining what Spirit World was. Those admissions had led her to confront Botan, and from that…it had only been a matter of time, no matter how secret they had been.
No, you miss the point Shuichi! Youko shouted. Kurama flinched at the sudden change of tone.
"What do you mean, that is the reason Youko." Kurama replied.
What other normal humans known about Spirit World? Know what you are? What Hiei is? What Botan is? Who else is in on the secret? Youko asked, prodding.
"Well, Keiko, and Shizuru…" Kurama murmured.
Yes…now why do they know? Youko pressed.
"They were told…" Kurama said, and trailed off, shocked. The answer was something that he didn't want to think of.
They were told Shuichi…but why do they still remember?
"Their memories weren't erased."
Why not? What made them different? Their situation is exactly the same as Koto, being close to Yusuke and Kuwabara…just like Koto was close to You, Hiei and Botan…
Kurama leaned on the vanity to keep from collapsing, he was still naked, and the cool air seemed to be robbing him of what strength this debate was consuming. He rubbed his face lightly and turned to the mirror, wiping away condensation and staring at his reflection. His own green eyes peered back at him, tinged with the gold of Youko creeping around his pupils. He closed his eyes and looked away quickly.
Admit it, you know the answer Shuichi. Youko said sharply. In response, all Kurama shook his head, forcing himself not to respond.
You know Shuichi!
"We aren't human! Not me, not Hiei, not Botan, none of us are truly human." Kurama shouted. The declaration deadened in the close confines of the bathroom. Kurama opened his eyes and looked into the mirror, it had fogged again. He wiped a streak clear and gazed at his reflection once more. The gold was receding from his eyes.
Very good. The truth is worth knowing Shuichi. Even if it hurts. Youko said, his voice seemed distant.
"Thank you Youko." Kurama said softly, and the gold in his eyes was gone. Kurama dried himself off, and dressed. Then left the bathroom and walked down the hall to his bedroom. Inside it was dark, but a faint light came from a small flickering candle sitting on the nightstand. Beside it rested two things, a picture and a single rose. In the bed, Koto laid there, tossing and turning slightly. Kurama grimaced.
Dream Flower Pollen wasn't normally used for such a long period of time. There was always a chance of adverse effects, even if it was far safer than psychic methods of erasing memories. He'd decided that none of the more dangerous effects was happening to Koto, but the process was unpleasant when such a long period of time was being erased. He didn't want to chance something happening to her and not being there to help…not after he'd administered the pollen.
Quietly, he pulled up a chair and sat down, lacing his fingers together and looking at her sleeping form. Kurama sat in the darkened room. His green eyes locked on the sleeping figure that lay in the bed. He rested his interlaced fingers in front of his face and waited for her to wake, waited so he could admit the horrible violation that he had committed against her. Perhaps it would be some small way to atone for what he'd done, but he knew that he had done his work too well, the memories were gone.
But for him, they remained vivid and would never leave him.
A fitting punishment for me… He thought bitterly. But far worse a torture than Hiei or Botan deserve.
Kurama reached out and took Koto's hand as she lay there. Softly, Koto whispered Botan's name. He winced at that and let her hand go. The sleeping woman whimpered quietly at the loss of contact. That seemed to hurt more.
"I'm sorry Koto." Kurama whispered.
"Kur-ama…Shuichi…" Koto said in her sleep. Kurama sighed and closed his eyes, blocking out the scene. But rather than allowing him anonymity, his mind drove back to that moment of betrayal.
There was a palpable feeling of despair in Koenma's office. The diminutive Lord of the Underworld sat behind his desk, brooding. Hiei stood by the window, looking out across the Makai…silent as usual, but he had an unmistakable air of anger about him. Kurama stood next to Koenma's desk, looking down at the floor…his own mood brooding and quiet. Botan leaned against one wall, her face in her hands, sobbing.
Koenma's desk beeped once and he nodded, hitting a key. The tall doors facing him opened and in walked Koto, being escorted in by Yusuke. The Spirit detective said nothing as he led Koto in, and quickly turned and left…his face clearly showing how distasteful he considered this task. Koto seemed to be simply dazed by the entire situation, she was trying to look in every direction at once and take in everything. She had not been completely ignorant of everything that she was seeing, but it was still shocking to see everything at once.
Wearing blue jeans and a black turtleneck, she looked like she'd been simply scooped up of the street.
"Koto Miuki. I'm sorry to have to bring you here, but certain things are…problematic…" Koenma said. Koto stared at Koenma after looking at Hiei, Kurama and Botan, she focused in on the diminutive Lord.
"You're…Koenma, right? Lord of the Makai?" Koto said.
"Yes, now, you've been brought here because certain things have been told to you, and clearly justified by your visit here. You've been made aware of the Spirit world, and the true identity of these three. Unfortunately, your knowledge cannot be allowed."
"Excuse me?" Koto said, surprised.
"You aren't allowed to know what you know. It's quite simple." Koenma said, his tone harsh. Hiei shifted slightly where he stood and Koenma looked over at him, then slowly turned back to Koto.
"I can't know? Well I do know, and there isn't much I can do to forget…" Koto said sharply, but trailed off when Kurama frowned and Botan looked at her with red eyes. Koto turned and ignored Koenma and walked over to Botan. The two embraced tightly and Botan buried her face in Koto's shoulder. The two stood there in silence for a moment and Koto looked over at Kurama. He refused to meet her gaze. She then looked over at Hiei, and the diminutive fire demon looked at her over his shoulder. His face had an unusual expression of pity on it, before he turned away.
"There's nothing you can do. But Kurama will make you forget." Koenma said and snapped his fingers. Kurama's head snapped around and glared at Koenma.
"Your command here is tenuous enough Koenma. Do not provoke me." Kurama snarled, and Koenma seemed to shrink deeper into his chair, attempting to make himself more insignificant than he already was.
"Shuichi, Kurama…why? How?" Koto said, squeezing Botan tightly. The blue haired apparition started crying again.
"Dream Flower Pollen. It's effective, but unfortunately not very specific." Kurama said, holding up a small closed pouch.
"Not specific? You mean…" Koto said, softly.
"You'll lose your memory from when I got back from the Dark Tournament. You'll forget what we are, and meeting Hiei and Botan. It's…for your own…good…" Kurama said weakly.
"But…can't I simply…just…forget what you told me? Just the week?" Koto asked.
"No." Koenma said bluntly. Kurama and Hiei looked at him, neither spoke, but Koenma felt the hatred coming from both of them.
"Then let me say goodbye." Koto said with a growl. Koenma nodded slowly. She let go of Botan and walked over to Hiei. The short demon said nothing but turned and looked up at her. Koto smiled when she noted he was wearing the yellow headband she'd given him. She smiled and knelt down, putting them eye to eye. She wrapped her arms around him, pinning his arms to his sides and lifted him up off the ground. Hiei fidgeted slightly, but didn't fight. Kurama couldn't hear what was said, but Hiei smiled lightly. She set him down and turned to Kurama.
"I love you like the brother I never had." She said. Kurama winced at her words, but her expression did not one of anger.
"I'm sorry Koto…" Kurama began, but was silenced.
"Shuichi…Kurama…you are my friend, my brother. We'll still have that, I can't hate you, you of all people. Human or Demon. You were there for me…after it happened…you were my friend in School. Your family was there for me when my parents died. I was there for you when your mother was so sick, and I was there for you in other ways. We'll still have that won't we?" Koto said, a weary smile crossing her lips.
"Yes we will Koto…" Kurama said.
"Then we have that Shuichi." She said, hugging him. When she let go, she turned to Botan. The ferry girl stood there in her pink kimono and choked back another sob. Koto walked over and hugged her again, the two women holding onto each other as though it were the last time…it was the last time for them. Kurama turned his head away and glanced at the floor once more, fighting to retain his own composure. He glanced at Hiei, but the fire demon had turned his back to the room again and was staring out the window once more, brooding. Kurama turned back when he heard Botan sob loudly. He saw Koto slowly let go, holding onto Botan's hand desperately.
"Koto…" Kurama said, lifting the small pouch holding the pollen. She looked at it and nodded, closing her eyes. He frowned and stepped forward, dumping the small amount onto his palm. The pollen was grown for a specific potency, amount meant little, it was how the plant was grown that mattered. Normally, such an amount would make everyone in the room lose their memories, but this strain of pollen only worked on humans, demons and apparitions weren't effected.
Gently, he lifted his hand up and Koto breathed in the pollen. She started to blink quickly, as if struggling to stay awake. She slumped slightly, and then staggered. Kurama reached forward and held her. Dream Flower Pollen was just that, a dream inducer. She was about to fall into a deep sleep. Koto fell into him and he picked her up, turning towards the door to leave.
"Koenma…" Koto said softly. Kurama stopped and turned, her head lifting enough to look at him.
"What is it?"
"If I remember anything…I'll come back here and kill you for doing this to them not to me…" Koto said, a final burst of energy filling her before her body went entirely limp. Kurama turned away, but still heard Hiei's soft chuckle.
"You…you did the right thing Kurama…" Koenma said quietly, his eyes still riveted on Koto.
"I don't care Koenma. You've used up any control you had over me." Kurama snarled, his voice grating and harsh…very close to Youko's tone. So close in fact that Hiei turned from the window and looked at the crimson haired demon. Botan fell silent and looked up as well, shocked into silence.
Koenma said nothing.
"If you ever…ever…ask anything of me again, I will kill you." Kurama said, and looked back over his shoulder at Koenma. Kurama's eyes were golden, with only the barest hint of green running through them. Youko held nearly total sway over him then.
"I owe you nothing, I owe Spirit world nothing. And you had best remember that." Kurama said, and walked out of the room. Behind him Hiei turned and walked away, his glance towards Koenma conveying the same unspoken sentiment. He walked over to Botan, and in what might be considered completely uncharacteristic of him, he quietly led her out of the room, leaving behind Koenma to the silence.
Kurama opened his eyes, gasping for air like a pearl diver who'd gone too deep. He looked down at Koto, who was still laying there, tossing about slightly. He straightened his hair and leaned back in the chair, content to wait and try to figure out just how he could explain a friend she would never know and a lover who she had forgotten forever.
And perhaps wonder just how willing he was to defy Spirit World and give her back what was rightfully hers.
Next up;
Botan
She was too tired to cry anymore. To hurt to feel anything…she simply felt hollow, robbed of something deep and passionate, something all consuming. She'd given up justifying what had been done, she'd given up trying to blame anyone for what had happened. All she could do was accept, and even that didn't dull the pain…it seemed to make it cut harder into her soul instead.
A few weeks ago, she hadn't even understood what true love was…and now she was painfully aware of what loosing it felt like.