Wow! I can't believe people liked it:D Sankyuu to all reviewers! (does little happy dance with yellow ocarina)

Here is Ch 2, as I said before this is gonna be in diary and letter form. Ren's writing is in italics and his penpal's is in bold.

20th November

I can't believe this! First she forces me to write in this retarded diary, then forces me to write that retarded Notebook TM and now I have to write to a penpal(who will probably also be retarded…)! Isn't the aim of a counsellor to cure behavioural problems! Not for the client to develop several more in the space of one session! I can feel her beady eyes on me now…it creeps me out, when she gives you that analytical stare like your some sort of newly discovered species. Sometimes when she goes out the office to take a phone call or something I sneak a look at her notes. She writes a review of how every session goes, for the first one she wrote "Ren is of medium height for his age, slim in stature but muscular. He has deep purple hair and amber eyes…". That's not a review! Its biological field notes! "He is an elusive creature but can be seen at dusk scurrying towards a dairy…" Well, two can play at that game! I'm going to write some of my own!

Ren's biological field notes of the nosey old bag aka my counsellor, Miss.Kinomoto

A solitary creature, the Miss.Kinomoto will always be seen alone when it is not prying into other people's lives, probably because it has no friends. In appearance it is not at all attractive. Its hair is always worn in a bun, which appears to have been stapled in and its eyebrows are so high up on its face that it has a look of permanent surprise. (To the researcher in charge of this investigation it seems that the eyebrows on this creature seem to get higher every time he spots it, he privately believes that this is due to excessive shaving off of the eyebrows and then drawing them back on again with charcoal.) The eyes of this creature resemble those of a blow fish and it is believed that it could win a staring contest with a stuffed owl. Insists on being referred to by its title and surname, probably to give itself a feeling of self importance which it won't get elsewhere.

Uh oh, have to stop there. She's come back to resume staring at me and asking me pointless questions which are designed to add more meaning to her existence.

Well, I got my first penpal letter. I was right they are retarded or just downright weird. The counsellor says to stick the letters in my diary for future reference. Future reference! Future reference for what! Whenever I need back up reasons for committing suicide! Well here it is:

Dear Chinese Shaman,

Hmmmm…I don't really like labelling you like that, it doesn't seem polite. But all my counsellor could tell me about you is that you're Chinese but you live in Japan and you're a shaman, like me! So, you are henceforth known to me as the "Chinese Shaman". Apparently you're still in the running for being Shaman King, lucky you! I couldn't even get past the prelims! One of the council members said it is because I'm too chaotic and twirly, maybe it is? I was defeated by some guy named Bob, who works evenings as a washroom attendant, if you see him tell him he still owes me a ham sandwich!

I don't know much about China but I heard you get beaten with a bamboo stick for saying the word "turpentine" in public and also Big Macs are 2 pence cheaper there. We were given an assignment in English to write a letter of complaint about a subject of your choice and I chose to point out this gross injustice towards Macky D consumers but my teacher seemed to think it trivial!

Golly gosh! Where are my manners? My name is Frankie Harper, Frankie is short for Francesca. I'm from England but I guess you can guess that from the return address on the opening side of the envelope.

Have you ever been arrested? My cousin has, he tried to get on an aeroplane with 100 pairs of clogs he bought in Duty Free(he's the person who told me about the turpentine bamboo thing.). He wants to grow a goatee beard but auntie won't let him because she's a pogonophobe, meaning she has an irrational fear of beards. She thinks beards make men look untrustworthy...

Anyway I have to go finish my papier maché fish head sculpture, write back soon!

Your friend,

Frankie

Yep, a complete nut case. Oh well, I'd better reply. I can't stand Miss.Kinomoto's nagging.

Dear Francesca,

It seems to me you are completely insane. How anyone can spend their time making papier maché fish heads is beyond me.

Your information about China is on the one hand, totally false (we do not get beaten with bamboo for saying the name of a solvent substance in public) or as your teacher seemed to think, completely trivial (who cares?). You remind me of someone…

How could someone lose to a washroom attendant named Bob! You are obviously a shaman of highly insufficient skill. I refuse to even lay eyes on someone like that unless I have to, let alone remind them of promises involving meat substance filled lunch menu foods.

I think you should be writing to an acquaintance of mine called Yoh, as you both appear to be on something. I expect your pillow is extremely heavy. Or maybe Horo Horo as normal human intelligence seems to be beyond both of you. How can having a beard make you look untrustworthy? As if the chin is somehow the window to the soul...Horo doesn't have a beard but yet he is completely untrustworthy!……That's a disturbing image, Horo with a beard…Does being a pogonophobe mean you're scared of people with beards? Or is it when you're just scared that a giant beard is going to creep into your house with a magnifying glass, set fire to itself and burn all your receits for the financial year? Your aunt is not alone, I'm sure everyone has that worry…in Happyland.

I hardly think it is a good idea for you to continue writing to me as I think I will be driven into a state of mental imbalance, which I may never be able to get out of.

Yours sincerely,

Ren Tao

Ok, that was ch2. Sorry if I offended any Chinese people with the whole bamboo thing, I didn't mean to I swear! It was slightly bonkers, but there we go. Any flamers be gentle please!