For the first time since they had brought Donnie home, things finally felt normal, or at least as close to the term as they were going to get.
It was never normal in a family of four mutant turtles and one large master of Ninjitsu rat.
No, it was never normal, but it was close enough for them.
Having Donnie in the Lair was definitely unusual but it was the best change the family could have asked for.
It had been over a week since they had brought Donnie home. A week of slow recuperation for the four turtles who wouldn't stay still if their lives depended on it.
Mikey was trying to run around the Lair even with his casted leg, and once Leatherhead had declared that he could walk around without it, Mikey was practically bouncing off the walls and getting into his usual havoc.
When Raph was declared fit to use his arm again, well, nothing really changed there. He still pounded the punching bag into oblivion same as he had before, only now he merely received glares from his immediate younger and older brother for potentially aggravating his injury.
Donnie was having trouble moving without the stitches in his plastron tearing and he was constantly aching, not that he would actually tell them that. They had inferred it from the way he held himself when he walked that he was in pain.
Leo had spent that past week trying and trying to connect with Donnie in some way, only to fail time and time again. He simply had nothing to connect with his brother on. Every night Leo offered to play chess with him, and every night he agreed, but any attempt at conversation was shot down with his brother's short to the point replies.
Donnie and Raph were constantly working on their motorcycle, even making plans for future vehicles.
Mikey and Donnie were seen together in the Lair often, either when Mikey was trying to coax Donnie into playing one of his video games that April had gotten him or assisting- or bothering, depending on your view- Donnie in doing things about the Lair.
That was what Donnie had busied himself with in his time. Apparently restlessness was shared amongst the brothers because Donnie was rarely still for too long, always on the move around the Lair, finding little things to fix or improve. When asked why he was doing it by Master Splinter, Donnie nervously explained that he was bored and this was what he did in his spare time: build and or fix things. It seemed to be an urge that he couldn't resist as he fixed little things so minute that the rest of them had simply learned to live around them.
This required Mikey to constantly follow him. Donnie, for his part, didn't seem to mind the company. He would always explain to Mikey in great detail what he was doing or how he wanted to improve something.
Mikey was undoubtably entranced by pretty much everything that Donnie did and happily followed him wherever he went, gleefully chatting with him and making silly, unreasonable suggestions.
Leo sighed.
Both of his brothers had been making strides with Donnie, but he was yet to make a single step with him. The simple fact was that he and Donnie didn't really have a whole lot to bond over.
He grimaced as he made his morning tea.
Had he been told of everything that had happened that night? Had he been told of how he had failed to protect him? How Leo had allowed Donnie to be taken? How he had allowed him to be hand delivered to Shredder in the first place? How Leo had doomed him to rot with their enemies?
Leo's fingers tightened around the handle of the teapot.
Did Donnie hate him for it?
"You do know that your tea is burning, don't you Fearless?" Raph asked from behind him, giving the leader in blue a start.
"Yeah, just thinking." He had in fact not realized at all that the pot was boiling and the tea was probably not very good now, but he poured it into a cup anyhow.
"I mean, were you really trying to burn down his kitchen this time?" Raph asked as he shoved him aside to get his breakfast.
Leo didn't bother to respond to the question as he took his seat, grimacing as he took a sip of the burnt tea.
Mikey came in next, last to breakfast as always, and began making a heaping portion of bacon and cereal and syrup all mixed into one giant bowl that gave Leo a sugar rush just looking at.
"Morning bros." Mikey greeted them brightly as he sat down and immediately started scooping up his food.
"Shell Mike, do you ever eat anything normal?" Raph demanded as he took his own seat.
"Normal? Dude I'm a turtle!" Mikey exclaimed.
"Yeah so are we, shell for brains." Raph answered. "And you don't see us eating that crap."
Mikey merely shrugged. "I just have better taste than you guys."
Raph snorted but apparently didn't think it was worth his time to reply.
Leo rolled his eyes before glancing around.
Donnie usually wasn't far behind Leo himself, though he didn't really eat anything unless they made him.
"Where's Donnie?" Leo asked, standing up to look at the couch in case he had missed him.
Both of his brothers shrugged and Leo sighed before starting toward the lab, ignoring Raph's call of, "Let him sleep Leo, we're not all early birds like you!"
Leo hesitated at the door.
They had put Donnie in the lab to sleep partly because they wanted to keep him near medical supplies just in case something happened, and because they had yet to clear out a space for him.
Leo raised a knuckle and knocked twice on the door, pressing the side of his head against the door for a response.
"Donnie?" He called when he received no response.
Panic swelling in his chest, Leo quickly pushed the door open and rushed inside, assuming and preparing to see the worst, only to stop in his tracks.
Donnie sat on the cot facing away from him, focusing on trying to wrap a wound on the upper side of his plastron that Leo hadn't really noticed before.
But now he had and he couldn't look away now that he had seen it.
Leo felt bile rise in his throat as he saw the bare flesh, how his plastron was trying to scab over.
Leo must have made some kind of noise because Donnie was abruptly on his feet, staring at him with wide eyes as he quickly finished wrapping the awful wound.
"What's that from?" Leo asked as Donnie started putting the supplies he had used away. Leo caught sight of disinfect and a cloth. "Donnie, what caused that?"
But his brother remained in stony silence, pointedly ignoring his questions.
"Donnie, where did that come from?" Leo repeated, raising his voice to try and get his brother's attention. "Who did-"
"It happened during training once, Leonardo." Donnie cut him off, finally looking at him. "It was an accident; I didn't block in time."
Leo just looked at him. He hadn't gotten a necessarily close look at the wound, but he couldn't believe that such a thing could be done during practice.
"No it didn't." Leo protested but Donnie wasn't listening to him anymore.
Donnie sidestepped him to get to the door, moving past him like nothing had happened.
Leo followed Donnie into the kitchen, neither of them speaking.
Leo was no longer interested in his tea and Donnie didn't make any move to eat anything. He held himself tightly and Leo caught his eyes flickering toward him every few seconds.
Why would he lie about how he got it?
The rest of breakfast was spent in tense silence between the two which was only broken when Sensei came into the room for his morning tea.
"Good morning my sons." He greeted the four.
"Morning Sensei." Three voices chorused as Donnie stared down at the table.
Splinter set about making his morning tea and sat in his chair once he was done, sipping lightly on the drink.
"Hey Mike, wanna bet I'll beat your shell in that stupid racing game you got?" Raph challenged while motioning to the T.V.
"Who're you kidding Raphie?" Mikey laughed, standing at the challenge. "Let's go!"
"On the contrary Michelangelo, I believe that your energy would be better spent in training. Don't you agree?" Splinter asked in such a tone that demanded no argument.
"I, uh well-" Mikey seemed to be trying to think of a way to counter his father but turned up blank. "Hai Sensei."
"I'm glad you agree, Raphael." Splinter said and Raph immediately stopped laughing, realizing that he had been called out.
With that, Splinter stood and started toward the dojo and the four brothers, grumbling slightly, followed behind him.
Leo on instinct went to his spare katanas in their place on the rack. Raph and Mikey were quick to follow in retrieving their own weapons.
"Oh my babies!" Mikey cooed upon seeing his beloved nunchucks. "Did you miss me?"
"Marry 'em why don't ya Mike." Raph grunted although he himself was grinning down at his sais.
"My sons, put your weapons away." Their fathers stern voice commanded.
Leo turned toward his father where he now sat cross legged on one of the mats.
"But, Sensei." Mikey began in obvious confusion as he slowly- and very reluctantly- returned his nunchucks to their proper place. "You said we were training today."
"That we are, Michelangelo." Splinter confirmed and motioned for them to sit down. "We will be training today, but not in body but in mind."
Both Mikey and Raph both groaned at that as they sat down across from Sensei.
Leo motioned for Donnie- who had yet to even come into the room, still hesitating at the doorway- to sit down beside him. Donnie looked uncertain, glancing over at Sensei like he was awaiting his approval before finally going to Leo's side and kneeling there.
"Meditate, my sons," Splinter said, lowering himself into the position. "We will meet each other on the astral plain."
Astral plain? The words sounded... familiar, and yet they did not bring him comfort. Quite the opposite, actually. The words evoked a raw fear in him that he had only felt a few times, enough to count on his fingers.
And yet the others were so calm!
And yet his brothers- he was still trying to get used to the term- were simply sitting in the same respective meditating position as their father.
Your father, he reminded himself, and yet it didn't feel so.
They didn't fear it, so why did the words elicit such a strong emotion from him?
"Donatello?"
The concern in the ninjitsu master's voice- his father's voice, he corrected himself- was obvious.
Donatello looked up respectfully.
"Are you alright, my son?" He asked.
My son.
Oh how confusing it was to hear those words! So oddly comforting. Natural, yet alien to him at the same time.
"Er-" Donatello didn't want to admit that he was afraid, especially when he didn't even have a reason to be, so he chose the lesser problem of the two.
"I don't know how to do that, Master Splinter." Donatello explained regretfully. He didn't want to disappoint the person he was supposed to call father, especially so soon and at something that seemed so simple.
Splinter observed him for a moment like he didn't understand.
Donatello was about to rephrase the statement when the old master spoke.
"You have not meditated before, Donatello?" Splinter asked, watching the boy as he shook his head.
"No, Master Splinter." Donatello answered.
Michelangelo, Leonardo, and Raphael opened their eyes and looked at him with such obvious surprise that it made Donatello freeze where he still keeled on the ground.
Had he said something wrong? He was only answering a question!
"I understand." Splinter said slowly. "I apologize, my son, I assumed you had been taught."
Donatello kept eye contact even as his eyes begged to be lowered to the ground.
"Close your eyes, sit yourself into a lotus position, and clear your mind. Think of nothing but calm, my son." Splinter instructed. "When you have done this, call out to us and we will assist you in finding us."
Donatello did as he was instructed, mimicking the way the others were sitting and closing his eyes.
How do you clear your mind? How was he supposed to clear his mind when a thousand questions still raced through his oversized head?
But he tried. In part because this is what he was told to do, but also because he didn't want to disappoint his... father.
He didn't think he would ever get used to that word.
Taking slow, calming breaths, Donatello tried to stop thinking, to simply be.
After that, it was surprisingly easy to stop thinking. It was actually a kind of relief that Donatello hadn't been expecting.
His body was washed in an unexpected warmth and the air felt cleaner. He cautiously opened his eyes in wonder.
He was sitting on the ground of the dojo but there was no one around him, not a soul.
"Master Splinter?" Donatello called out. "Leonardo? Raphael? Michelangelo?"
There was a moment of silence before he heard it, just a whisper.
"Think of us, my son," it instructed. "Think of us and you will find us."
And he did.
He thought of him and Raphael working endlessly on the bike, how Michelangelo would talk non stop about anything and everything that came to his mind. How Leonardo would watch over his brothers and get after them when they were doing something he thought was unsafe for them; how he pestered Donatello to eat enough when he simply didn't feel up to it. He tried to think about how calm Master Splinter always was.
He tried to reach out, to call out to them.
And just like that, it was gone. The clamness, the warmth, the clean air, it was all gone. In a flash, it was replaced by the feeling of being dunked in ice cold water, drowning in it. The freezing water felt like it was eletrified, shocking the turtle nearly out of his shell.
He wasn't sure if he screamed out loud or not, he could no longer hear anything beyond the crushing ocean pressing in on him.
"Donatello!"
The voice was shocked, concerned, and barely louder than the water.
And then he was being yanked from the water, landing rather unceremoniously on the floor.
He was on his side, trying to grasp some part of him to lessen the pain, gasping for air that wouldn't come.
He was vaguely aware that he was shaking like a leaf and hated that fact with all his soul. It still felt like he was being electrified and he had no control over his body.
Slowly, the feeling of being electrified lessened until he became aware of his surroundings.
Master splinter was leaning over him, a hand on his face, speaking in a low, calming voice.
The other three turtles- your brothers, brainiac- were standing behind their father, looking at him with both concern and confusion.
"My son?"
Donatello blinked and tried to focus on the voice.
"Donatello, are you alright?"
Oh yeah, I'm great. It was the first reaponse that came to his mind, but he knew that he could never say something so disrespectful.
"Y-yes." He cringed as the simple word came out as a strutter.
He expected to be reprimanded and punished for such a show of weakness, but no blow came.
Cautiously, he opened his eyes, not remembering closing them, and looked into the old rat's eyes.
"What happened, my son?" Splinter asked.
He had felt his son being yanked from the spiritual world quicker than he had entered it. He had heard it when his son screamed, had felt the unexplainable pain- they all had- and immediately tried to console his son.
He had been on his back, shaking and convolsing with no visible cause to blame it on.
"I-" The fear and quietness of his voice angered Donatello and he forced his voice to remain neutral, to allow no emotion to show. "I don't know what that was. I'm sorry if I startled you, it was just... Unexpected."
Donatello forced himself to sit, to pretend that nothing happened.
"Donatello, what happened?" Splinter asked, his voice firmer.
"I don't know."
God how he hated how small his voice had become! How he hated the slight tremor in his voice! The tell tale sign of weakness that he had sworn since childhood to never again show to another living soul.
"Leonardo, would you please take Donatello to the kitchen and prepare some tea?"
"Hai, Sensei." Leonardo said respectfully and reached a hand out to Donatello to help him up.
Donatello glanced at the hand and his face hardened almost imperceptibly and he forced himself to stand, disregaring the hand as if it didn't exist.
He stood on shaky legs and followed an obviously concerned Leonardo out of the dojo.
"What the shell was that?" Raph asked as soon as they had closed the door behind them.
Their Sensei didn't answer, his gaze still on the dojo doors.
"Sit, I'll make some tea." Leo said, motioning for his brother to sit down as he began pulling out the ketal.
When he didn't hear any sound of movement, Leo turned back and saw his second youngest brother slumped in a chair at the island, his head in his hands, a barely visible grimace on his face.
"Does your head hurt?" Leo asked, forgetting about the tea completely. "Sometimes that happens when you pull out of the astral plain too quickly."
Not receiving an answer, Leo reached up and grabbed a bottle of headache medicine, popped out two pills, and handed them to his brother who didn't respond.
"Donnie, here, take these." Leo said.
Leo watched with great sadness as he methodically took the pills as if he had been ordered, and popped them in his mouth before Leo could offer a glass of water.
Donnie swallowed the pills and kept his head in his hands, not meeting his eyes.
Leo set about making the tea, with his brother still not speaking.
Now or never, Leo told himself.
"So what happened back there, Don?" Leo asked quietly, letting the concern show through.
"I don't know."
It was the same reply that he had given Master Splinter. The same emotionless voice, the same void face.
It bothered Leo more than he would like to admit. No, not just bothered him. It disturbed him.
"Donnie," Leo sighed. "We heard you scream, you were in pain. What happened?"
For a moment, Donnie didn't respond. When he did, his voice was no longer emotionless, it was angry.
"I don't know." He hissed. "One moment, I was following master Splinter's advice and suddenly I was alone, trying to get to you guys, then it felt like I was being frozen and electrified at the same time."
His brother's icy stare looked back at him.
"Is that a good explenation for you?" Donnie asked.
There was silence between them for a moment that seemed like forever before Donnie finally broke it.
"Sorry." Donnie apolagized, the icy tone gone. But he wasn't emotionless either. "That was rude. Please forgive me, Leonardo."
The overly respectful tone, the formality of his words. Leo couldn't take it anymore.
"Don't do that." Leo surprised himself with the hardness of his tone.
Donnie's face didn't change.
"Do what?" He asked.
"Be so- so formal!" Leo muttered. "Like you don't know us!"
"I don't know you."
The reply was so quiet, Leo was almost certain that he had not been meant to hear it.
A great hole opened in the leader's heart at those words. Mostly because they were true.
Leo moved the kettle away from the burner and sat beside his brother, who refused to look in his direction.
"Then you will." Leo said, catching his brother's eyes.
"My name is Hamato Leonardo, Leo is what everyone calls me. Except Sensei. I'm the oldest child of Hamato Yoshi and the leader of our brothers." Leo made sure to put a heavy emphasis on 'our'. "I spend most of my time training so I can be better prepared for what we'll face. I try to be like Sensei because I know that one day, he won't be here and the others deserve to be able to come to me if they need it. I love all three of my brothers and would do anything for them. For eleven years, I did nothing but wish I had been faster that day, and I spend every day hating that I failed you. I hate that I failed you, and I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it."
The expressionless mask was gone, replaced by something that looked a lot like sadness.
"You- you didn't fail me, Leonardo." Donatello said, trying to fight the tears that lept to his eyes. "Don't think that. It's not your fault."
"Did Master Splinter tell you what happened that night?" Leo countered, waiting until Donnie gave a timid nod before continuing. "I let you leave and I let you get taken."
Donnie was shaking his head before he was even done.
"Master Splinter told me what happened. That was my fault, my doing. Not yours." Donnie argued quietly.
"I'll make you a deal." Leo said, placing a hand on his brother's shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. "I won't think it anymore, and you stop being so formal."
"Formal?" Donatello asked. What did he mean formal? This is how he talked!
"Like how you address us by our full names, how you act like you're a bystander. Don, you are a part of this family. You know that, right?" Leo asked, watching his brother carefully.
Almost imperceptibly, he nodded.
"Act like it, little brother. Okay?"
"Okay." Donnie said, then gave a little smirk. "I think your tea is cold."
It was a blatant attempt to steer the conversation away from himself and he knew it, but Leonardo didn't suspect a thing.
"Er-" Donnie wasn't sure how to poise the question. "Leo?"
Leo looked back, a wide smile on his face that immediately made Donnie give a smile of his own.
"Um, thanks." Donnie said quickly. He hoped that he wouldn't have to explain what he was thanking him for, but luckily Leo seemed to understand.
"Anytime, Don." Leo said.
Leo finished making the tea and the two of them drank together in comfortable silence.
"Leo?"
Leo looked over to see Donnie's almost pained expression.
"Yeah?"
"Why did it... feel that way?" He asked hesitantly, like a student asking a question that he should already know the answer to.
"To be honest?" Leo sighed. "I have no clue. That's never happened to any of us. Have you ever felt anything like that before?"
Donnie hesitated, looking uncomfortable with the way this was going.
"You've met Dr. Roland, correct?" Donnie asked, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, something Leo noticed that he did often.
Leo nodded his confirmation and tried to keep the grimace off his face at their last meeting.
"Reminded me of, well, of that." Donnie said. "Only so much worse."
Leo perked up at the information his brother had unknowingly provided.
"You've uh, met that man?" Leo asked, not really wanting to talk specifically about how Donnie had met him.
"Yeah, I've known him for, well, as long as I can remember." Donnie admitted.
Leo cringed at what his brother was saying. He had been subjected to that horrible experience for years?
"Shredder wanted him to help keep me-" now it was Donnie's turn to grimace. "Compliant."
Leo shuddered involuntarily.
Neither of them spoke.
What could Leo say? I'm sorry seemed like such a weak defense and it helped nothing with what had been to his brother.
What broke the silence wasn't either of them, it wasn't even Mikey and Raph or Sensei.
It was Donnie's stomach, rumbling loudly, that shook the two from their silence.
Donnie looked embarrassed with a tinge of red on his face.
Leo couldn't help but laugh as he got up.
"I can-" Donnie started, but Leo waved him back into his seat.
"Sit. I'll make something."
Leo knew that Donnie hadn't ate that morning and had barely ate half his food last night- and even then only at his insistence.
Donnie seemed to know better than to argue but instead looked amused.
"I'm not sure Michelang-" Donnie stopped himself, seeming to chew on his words for a moment. "Mikey. I'm not sure Mikey wants you in his kitchen again."
Leo smiled. "I may not be able to cook like Mikey, but I'm pretty sure I can handle making some toast."
Donnie put his hands up in mock surrendered before taking a sip of his tea.
Leo set about making toast, getting two pieces of bread, popping it into the toaster, and waited.
And waited.
After a few minutes, the smell of burning bread hit them and Leo glanced back at Donnie, who was wearing a small smirk on his face.
"That's just how it smells." Leo defended himself as he glanced back at the toaster, willing the bread to pop up.
"I don't think it's supposed to smell burnt unless it is burnt." Donnie countered.
Leo frowned and gave the toaster a little shake, trying to force the bread to come up now.
When that didn't work, he grabbed the toaster upside down and began shaking it, but still the bread refused to come out.
Muttering under his breath, Leo put it back down on the counter and leaned over so that he could see the bread.
Almost immediately after seeing the burnt bread still being trapped in the toaster, the bread popped up in Leo's face, making the fearless leader jump back in surprise.
Leo turned to see Donnie laughing in his seat as he glared at the bread that was most definitely inedible.
"Stupid toaster. It's all messed up. Mikey probably can't make anything with it either." Leo defended himself as he threw the bread into the trash with a huff.
"It might just hate you specifically." Donnie teased.
Leo shook his head and opened his mouth to reply when another voice beat him to it.
"Why do I smell something burning?" Mikey's raised voice demanded. "Leo, you better not be in my kitchen!"
I know it's not very long, but I'm working on more. To be quite honest, I'm not entirely sure how the whole meditating and astral plain thing works, so I tried my best here. You'll understand Donnie's reaction in time, I promise. Also, I had to include something about the toaster. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I didn't. Thank you for staying with this I appreciate you guys so much!