The scene opens with a stocky man strolling through a beautiful park adorned with many statues. He is Edward Nemo, the host of this version of the Amazing Race.
"This is Fictograph City," he says, "a city dedicated to the study of great literature, and the capital of Dreamland. And in the heart of the city lies this Park of Fame, a place of honor for all the great writers in history. This park will serve as the starting line for a race around the fictional universe known as Dreamland.
"Eleven teams will compete, each team consisting of two fictional characters from the same fandom who have an existing relationship. Each team will have a sponsor from the real world that has particular interest in their team's performance. The winning team will receive a Fictional Million Dollars, while the sponsor will receive site-wide bragging rights. Here come the teams now…"
TEAM 1: Zack & Cody Martin
RELATIONSHIP: Twin Brothers
HOME FANDOM: The Suite Life of Zack and Cody
SPONSOR: Hope Potter (my little sister)
"I'm not quite sure what I'm doing here," Cody said to the camera, "but I know my brother is out to get the fictional million dollars. I decided to come along to keep him out of trouble, you know."
"Cody thinks too lightly of me," Zack tells us. "I signed up for the race so we could do a little sightseeing. And if I happen to have a shot at a fictional million dollars, I plan to jump all over it. Nothing wrong with that, right?"
TEAM 2: Hank & Peggy Hill
RELATIONSHIP: Married 20 Years
HOME FANDOM: King of the Hill
SPONSOR: Myself
"It took Hank some convincing," Peggy confessed, "but I managed to get him to race with me. He said he wouldn't have the energy to race all the way around the world, but I told him that the race isn't a test of speed, but a test of brainpower!"
"I'd much rather be racing with Dale or Bill or somebody else," admitted Hank. "Don't tell her I said this, but I'm not sure having a know-it-all on my team is the best way to win the race."
TEAM 3: James P. Sullivan & Michael Wasowski
RELATIONSHIP: Friends
HOME FANDOM: Monsters, Inc.
SPONSOR: RubyVulpix
"Well, I'm not really in it for the money," Sulley said, "Mike told me that I needed a little vacation from running the factory, and I think he said 'what better way to travel than on TV?' Don't tell him I said this, but I think he just wants some more face time on the old boob tube."
Mike didn't say much at first. Then, "I guess, I wouldn't mind sharing that enormous windfall with my best bud, Sulley. Of course, even if I, excuse me, we didn't win, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, because I'd get to be on TV!"
TEAM 4: Anthony Dent & Mercedes Prefect
RELATIONSHIP: Lifelong Friends (and possibly dating)
HOME FANDOM: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (actually, these two are original characters from the story "H2G2: The Next Generation" by Bluebottle Jupiter. It's quite good, check it out!)
SPONSOR: Bluebottle Jupiter
"As soon as I heard about this race," said Anthony, "I had a feeling it would be right up Mercedes' alley. She's a hitchhiker, just like her dad, so she should have no problem roughing it across some unexplored part of the galaxy. Assuming that Dreamland is part of the galaxy, I mean."
"I had never heard of this Dreamland until Anthony told me about the race," Mercedes confessed. "Exploring new territory is only part of the reason why I decided to race. It's also partly to get away from that egomaniac Zara, and partly for the fictional million, but mostly, it's so I can spend some quality time with Anthony without getting a lot of flak from my peers."
TEAM 5: Paul & Meist Coha
RELATIONSHIP: Married
HOME FANDOM: The Incredibles (original characters from "A Civilian's Point of View" by Red Panda Bear.)
SPONSOR: Red Panda Bear
"Make no mistake," Paul warned, "my wife and I are in this thing to win it! We're not here to make friends, we're here for the fictional million dollars!"
"You'll have to forgive Paul here," Meist said calmly, "he can get a little competitive sometimes. But the money is the main reason we're here. Fictional though it might be, a million dollars could put our two kids through college. So, all you other teams better watch out, cause Paul and I will win!"
TEAM 6: Makoto Kino & Rei Hino
RELATIONSHIP: Friends
HOME FANDOM: Sailor Moon
SPONSOR: theferretmenace
"I plan to win," said Rei, "but not for the money. Some of my friends said I couldn't last one leg in this race, and I intend to show them up. So, taste this, meatheads!"
"Um, yeah, what she said," echoed Mako. "Also, I noticed that no female team has won the Amazing Race. I think Mako and I have what it takes to change that statistic!"
TEAM 7: Hal and Malcolm Wilkerson
RELATIONSHIP: Father and Son
HOME FANDOM: Malcolm in the Middle
SPONSOR: Tyreta
"Well, I think it goes without saying that my wife was more than just a little upset when I told her I was pulling Malcolm out of school to do this race," Hal told the camera. "But, and I know he doesn't look it, but Malcolm is a genius, and with that brainpower, we can win this race for sure. With the money, we can finally live well above the poverty line!"
"I wish I was Resse right now," Malcolm complained. "The only reason Dad picked me out of all my brothers is because of my intelligence. Now I have to spend the next month and a half trudging through uncharted territory with him, while all my friends are in school with homework and stuff and my brothers have Mom all to themselves…you know what, maybe this won't be so bad after all."
TEAM 8: Martin & Jennifer McFly
RELATIONSHIP: Married…in 2015
HOME FANDOM: Back to the Future
SPONSOR: Anakin McFly
"I'll just bet," Marty said, "that we would have kicked some serious butt at this thing if we were younger. Back in '85, I was in the best shape of my life. But I hope I can still outrun these youngsters, without throwing my back out."
"Marty dragged me into the race for the silliest reason," Jennifer confessed. "We were all watching the Race on TV, and my son, Marty Jr., commented that his dad might do well and that we should sign up. At first, he said no, but then Junior said, 'What's the matter, Pop? You chicken?' As they say, the rest is history."
TEAM 9: Orson Pig & Roy Rooster
RELATIONSHIP: Animal Friends
HOME FANDOM: U. S. Acres (a subdivision of the Garfield fandom)
SPONSOR: Commander
"I'm not really interested in the money," said Orson. "I only agreed to the race because I want to see what Dreamland is like. It would be nice to see someone's imagination other than my own. Roy, on the other hand…" The camera panned to Roy, gleefully pacing and muttering "Money, money, money!" Orson continued, saying, "My main goal is to keep Roy from doing something less than honest."
TEAM 10: Violet & Klaus Baudelaire
RELATIONSHIP: Siblings
HOME FANDOM: A Series of Unfortunate Events
SPONSOR: Orange Sora
"The money would help out a lot," Violet said, "but I have to say the main reason for signing up for the race is that Count Olaf will never think to look for us in Dreamland. As a matter of fact, I'm not sure he's even heard of the place."
"You know," Klaus said, "I've studied a thousand or so maps and atlases, and never have I found such strange nations as the ones in Dreamland. I heard rumors that in Dreamland, there's a place that looks like an 1876 western town, but was actually built in 2004! Of course, these are just rumors, and not fact, but still…"
TEAM 11: Violet Parr & Michael Huey
RELATIONSHIP: Super Partners
HOME FANDOM: The Incredibles (latter is an original character in "Violet Valor" by The Star Swordsman.)
SPONSOR: The Star Swordsman
"Normally," Violet said, "I'd much rather be racing with a member of my own family, but this was kind of Mike's idea, and I didn't want to be rude, so here we are."
"I know we have a slim chance of winning the race," said Mike, "but I don't mind. All that matters to me is that I go out there and do my best. Of course, I'm playing to win."
The teams disembarked from the Jeeps that brought them to the starting line. They stood shoulder to shoulder in a straight line, sizing each other up, and waiting for Ed.
"Hmm, this is strange," Paul pointed out. "Usually the host is waiting for us."
Just then, they saw a stocky man running past them to the host's usual spot. He looked and saw the racers lined up.
"Aw, dammit!" he fumed, "I missed it!" Ed inhaled deeply. "Okay, I'm here now, you're here now, we can just continue from here, and this didn't happen. Hopefully, we can edit this out."
"Your fly's unzipped," noted Anthony.
"Huh? Oh, that's not good! Okay, this didn't happen either." He quickly zipped up. "All right, let's try that again, uh, where were we?"
"Nowhere. You didn't even start your introduction!"
"Oh, yes, that's right. Sorry, this is my first reality gig, and I'm kind of nervous." Ed cleared his throat loudly.
"Welcome, teams, to the Amazing Race: Dreamland. You are about to embark on a race around the fictional universe, for a fictional million dollars and infinite bragging rights for your sponsor. The race starts here in Fictograph City, and you will be following clues to reach your next destination.
"The race is divided into thirteen legs, each one ending in a Pit Stop. Eight of these legs are elimination legs. If you're the last team to check into the Pit Stop on one of these legs, you will be eliminated from the race.
"At the start of each leg, you will receive a supply of cash. This money will be used to pay for all your expenses, except for airline tickets, which will be purchased using the special credit card you each have.
"Before the race starts, there's one more thing I need to discuss. Violet Parr, Michael Huey, and Rei Hino, if you three could step forward, please?" The three did as they were told. "Now, before the race, we had a team of experts scan each player for any trace of an unfair advantage. They have determined that you three each have some form of super powers. Do you deny this?"
Nobody did.
"Then you'll need these," Ed gestured as a race official brought out a tray with three large red items.
"What are those?" asked Rei.
"These are powers inhibitors," Ed explained, "you wear them on your wrist so that you won't 'accidentally' cheat by using your powers. The three of you will be required to wear one of these at all times during the race."
"WHAT?" Michael said a bit louder than he should have. "That's not fair!"
"Look, this wasn't my idea, it was the producers', I'm just following orders. Now, either you put these on, or you'll be disqualified."
Reluctantly, they all agreed. They joined the ranks.
"All right," Ed said, "are there any questions?" No response. "Good. Your first clue is located on top of the luggage you brought with you. On your mark!"
The racers crouched, as if preparing to sprint.
"Get set!"
"Hi-ho, Silver," Marty muttered to himself.
"GO!"
The stampede of racers nearly trampled poor Ed underfoot.
To be continued…
(A/N: Sponsors, I know what you're thinking. 'How come he gets to sponsor a team?' Look, the only reason Hank and Peggy are in the race is so we can have eleven teams. I have no intention of deliberately making any one team win or lose. What will happen will happen. Now, anybody, not just sponsors, can influence the race by cheering for their favorite team in their reviews of this story. If I hear enough cheers, I'll move that team up if I can. Good luck to all!)