Before the race resumed, Ed was seen combing the beach of the Cove.
"This is the Eastern Sea, a strange world that is ninety-two percent water. The other eight percent is all one large star-shaped island. Called the Lone Star Cove, this oasis of dry land in a world of water was the fourth Pit Stop in the Amazing Race. Teams checked in here at the end of the last leg for a mandatory rest period. This allowed them time to eat, sleep, and mingle with the other teams.
"Mike and Sulley, who found the Time Clock hidden on this leg, have chosen not to cash it in at this time, but rather hang onto it until a more opportune time. Will their strategy pay off, or will they be required to forfeit the Clock? Can Orson & Roy maintain their lead? And can Marty & Jennifer make a rally and pull out of last place?
"Orson and Roy, who were first to arrive at 8:54 AM, will depart at 8:54 PM."
The moon was shining brightly, creating a serene atmosphere in the darkness. Orson and Roy stood impatiently on the beach, waiting for the moment to open their clue.
(ORSON & ROY are first to depart.)
"Travel by tandem kayak to the carrier Birdhouse…" Orson read.
Teams must now get into one of these tandem kayaks, and paddle themselves back to the aircraft carrier they arrived on. Once there, they will board this charter flight bound for Hallow's End, set to land in the city at exactly midnight. When they land, they must locate the town mental hospital to receive their next clue.
"…You will have 88 dollars for this leg of the race."
"20, 40, 60, 70, 75, 80, 85, 86, 87, 88," Roy counted. "Yep, it's all here. Let's go."
Orson climbed into the front seat of the kayak and Roy got in the back. They pushed against the sand to get started, then they used the paddles to propel themselves once on the water.
"Okay, now how are we supposed to find the carrier?" Roy asked. "It's dark as pitch out here!"
"Look!" Orson said pointing. Roy shone a flashlight on a buoy with an arrow sign on it.
"So, I guess we follow the arrows," Roy said. And they paddled all the more.
(VIOLET & MICHAEL are second to depart.)
"…When you land, you must find the Hallow's End mental hospital to find your next clue," Violet read.
"Hmm. If I didn't know better, I'd think they were trying to scare us," Michael muttered.
The supers got into the kayak and started to paddle.
"Wow," Michael said.
"What?" Violet asked.
"The sea by moonlight is awfully sublime."
"Yeah, I guess it is."
(VIOLET & KLAUS are third to depart.)
"…Board a charter flight to Hallow's End, the sector of Dreamland where nightmares come from…" Violet read.
"Oh, goody," said Klaus. "We get to see Count Olaf's hometown!"
Violet laughed. It was rare for her, so she enjoyed it for all it was worth. Quickly, they got into the kayak and paddled away.
(MIKE & SULLEY are fourth to depart.)
"Are you sure hanging on to this until later is the smartest thing to do?" Mike asked, holding up the Time Clock.
"The way I figure it, we're all going to end up on the same flight to wherever anyway, so it's best not to waste it," Sulley said. "We'll cash it in at the next Pit Stop, assuming we make it."
"All right," Mike said as Sulley ripped open the clue.
"Let's go!" Fortunately, the race officials made sure there was a kayak big enough to accommodate Sulley. The monsters paddled away.
(PAUL & MEIST are fifth to depart.)
"Nightmares?" Meist said when she read what Hallow's End was famous for. "I don't think I like this race anymore!"
"Come on, dear, think of the kids, the adventure, the million dollars!" Paul told her.
They got into the kayak and left the beach behind.
(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are sixth to depart.)
"…When you land, locate the Hallow's End mental hospital to receive your next clue." Mercedes read.
"I hope I don't bump into the creatures of my nightmares," Anthony worried outloud.
"Come on, you big baby, man up!" Mercedes didn't mean that to hurt him, but she felt that it did. "I, I, I mean, remember what it says on the Guide. Don't panic!"
"Right. Don't panic. I'll try not to." The hitchhikers got in their kayak and paddled off.
(MARTY & JENNIFER are last to depart.)
"…You will have 88 dollars for this leg of the race," Jennifer read. "Is it all there?"
"Yep," Marty said. "Let's motor!"
All seven remaining teams were paddling back to the carrier they landed on. It was a very long distance away, so teams had to pace themselves. ORSON & ROY must not have figured that out, because halfway there, they both ran out of steam.
"I can't go on," Roy breathed.
"We have to," Orson told him. "Keep your eye on the prize! Million dollars!"
While the animals were arguing, VIOLET & MICHAEL were closing in on them.
"Come on, Mike!" Violet goaded, "We need to pass these guys! Put your back into it!"
Their kayak picked up speed, and the supers charged ahead. But even after they passed the barnyard team, they didn't let up until they had a secure lead.
(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in first place.)
(ORSON & ROY are currently in second place.)
"How much is a million anyway?" Roy pondered. "It can't be worth all of this!"
"Roy, with a million dollars, you will never have to work again!"
Roy perked up. He seemed to gain his second wind. Soon, the animals charged ahead and started to gain ground, er, water, on the supers.
But it was too little, too late. Violet and Michael arrived at the carrier first.
"Okay, now how on earth are we supposed to get up there?" Michael asked.
At that, one of the sailors appeared over the edge of the deck. "Here, give me your hand!" he said to Violet.
The young female pulled herself out of the kayak and kneeled on the wobbly craft. She stuck out her hands, which the soldier grabbed. He pulled her up on deck fairly easily.
"There you are," he said. Then he reached down and pulled Michael up. "Okay, now the plane headed for Hallow's End will depart in about two hours, and will land at midnight."
"Is it true?" Violet asked, "what they said about Hallow's End?"
"Hold that thought, I have to pull this team on board." The sailor reached down over the side of the deck and pulled up ORSON & ROY.
"Now, what was it you wanted?" the sailor asked Violet.
"Is Hallow's End really the sector of Dreamland where nightmares come from?"
"Mm-hmm. I have a cousin who lives there. Nice guy, but he kept giving people the heebie-jeebies. Might have something to do with that chainsaw sticking out of his head. Hey, if you see him, tell him his cousin Harry said hi, will you?"
"I'll, uh, keep that in mind," Violet said. She didn't want that particular image in her head at that moment.
About this time, VIOLET & KLAUS had arrived at the carrier, and Harry pulled them up.
"Looks like we're all going to catch up," Klaus noted.
"Um, you guys are welcome to board the plane now, if you wish," said another sailor.
On hearing this, the six racers on the deck made a mad dash for the plane. Each of them wanted a seat on the plane that would ensure they would get off the plane first, the one closest to the door. Those seats ended up going to…VIOLET & MICHAEL. ORSON & ROY got the seats behind them, while VIOLET & KLAUS got the seats across the aisle.
After this, MIKE & SULLEY pulled their kayak up next to the carrier. Harry pulled Mike up without to much difficulty. But he took one look at James Sullivan, and shook his head.
Sulley pulled himself out of the kayak and climbed the carrier's side like a tree. The big boat rocked slightly, but righted itself without too much trouble.
Harry swore loudly. "Sink the freaking vessel, why don't you?"
"Sorry, but you wouldn't pull me up! I had to get on the carrier somehow!"
"Oh, shut up and board the stupid plane!"
The monsters did as he suggested. They sat behind the Baudelaire orphans.
"Looks like these two will fit in just fine," Roy observed.
A while later, PAUL & MEIST pulled up to the carrier.
"Why, hello there," Harry said as he pulled Meist aboard. "So, what's a girl like you doing out here on the Eastern Sea?"
"I'm racing with…my husband!" she answered, fully aware she was being hit on.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't know…"
"That's okay. I only wish he'd talk to me that way once in a while."
"Honey, I work hard so you can have money to spend, I help take care of the kids, I try to remember our anniversary, isn't that enough?"
"It is, but it would be nice to have a little more!"
"You know what, let's not discuss this! Not on television!"
They boarded the plane and sat down behind Orson & Roy.
"In a situation like this, where you sit is everything," Paul mused. "By sitting here, we're guaranteed not to be eliminated this leg."
It's now 10:30 PM, 45 minutes until the plane takes off. Luckily, ANTHONY & MERCEDES arrived at the carrier with plenty of time to spare. Harry had no trouble pulling either of them aboard. When they got on the plane, they chose the seats behind Mike & Sulley.
"One, two, three, four, five, and us makes six," Anthony counted. "Who's missing?"
"I think it's the McFlys," Paul said. "If they don't get here in forty minutes, the plane will leave without them."
"I'd love for that to happen," Michael muttered to himself.
Speaking of the McFlys, MARTY & JENNIFER were still paddling their way to the carrier.
"Come on, Jen," Marty encouraged. "Million dollars!"
"I've been thinking about the money all along! How do you think we got this far?"
"Please, Jen, I know you've got more in you! Look, we're nearly there, you can't give up now!"
Crying, Jennifer put her everything into paddling.
Back on the plane, racers began to speculate, about whether the McFlys would arrive, about what the producers would do if they never did, and about what they were going through.
It is now 10:47 PM, 28 minutes to takeoff. About this time, Marty and Jennifer pulled up next to the carrier. Harry poked his head over the edge of the deck.
"Well, well, what do we have here? A last place team? You guys are lucky you got here when you did! We were just about to let the plane leave without you!"
"Really?" Jennifer asked.
"No, not really, you've got more than twenty minutes to spare. Here, let me help you up."
Harry pulled the elderly couple on board. The McFlys boarded the plane.
"Oh, great," Michael said sarcastically, "we thought you guys threw your backs out and were stuck dead in the water."
"Shut up, you disrespectful little brat!" Marty spat.
"Bring it on, old timer!" Michael shot back, standing up.
Violet had to pull him down. "Mike, chill! The last thing we need is for you to get us in trouble with the producers!"
Michael chewed his tongue. "Okay, I'm calm, I'm cool, I'm not going to get mad." He didn't hesitate to give Marty the stink eye as he passed, though. Marty and his wife sat down behind Paul & Meist.
All teams are now on the same flight to Hallow's End, set to land at exactly midnight. When they land, teams will have to locate the Hallow's End Mental Hospital to find the next clue.
Just like the clue said, the plane landed in Hallow's End at midnight exactly. The teams filed off the plane and into the gate. VIOLET & MICHAEL were off first, just like they planned. The sight of the airport startled them. Cobwebs covered the ceiling, and the walls were covered in insects. Not fake ones either, no, these suckers were real. Their movement confirmed that. After the initial shock, the supers recovered their composure and pressed on.
VIOLET & KLAUS were off the plane next, just beating ORSON & ROY. PAUL & MEIST just inched out ahead of MIKE & SULLEY. ANTHONY & MERCEDES got off the plane so close to MARTY & JENNIFER, it was hard to tell who was off first.
Like the supers, all the other racers were shocked at the sight, but quickly got over their misgivings about the place. Somehow, a million dollars was more important to them than the fact that it smelled like dead people in there. Go figure.
Anyway, the teams went about different strategies of locating the next clue. VIOLET & MICHAEL thought it would be best to just get a taxi and ask the driver where it was. To their alarm, the first vehicle to pull up was a carriage, pulled by a decaying horse and driven by a skeleton. Instead of a normal cabin, there were two coffins on the bed of the carriage.
"Where to?" the skeleton asked.
They were too dumbfounded to say anything.
"You called for a cab, and here I am, now, where to?"
"Oh, um, the, uh, the booby hatch?" The driver motioned for them to get in, which they did.
"Okay, I'm creeped out," Violet said, "are you creeped out?"
"Not yet, but I'm getting there," Michael answered.
Seeing the supers take off in a cab, VIOLET & KLAUS hired their own, and told the driver to follow them. "And if you can, try to pass them, okay?"
Back in the airport, ANTHONY & MERCEDES decided to buy a map and find the insane asylum themselves. After locating it, they set out on foot. PAUL & MEIST saw this and decided to follow them.
ORSON & ROY decided to get directions from one of the locals. They found a guy walking on crutches, because his leg had been sawn off, and was dripping blood on the floor.
"What do you think, Ors, does he look like he lives here?"
"I'd say so. Excuse me, sir? Yes, you, with the missing leg!"
He hobbled over to the barnyard critters. "What do you want?"
"We just need directions to the loony bin, if you please," said Roy.
"Oh, okay, you just head down this street, you turn right on Demon Avenue, hang a left at Axe Murderer Way, it'll be the third building on your right."
"Okay, thank you," Orson said.
"You're welcome. Now if there's nothing else, I have a soccer match to get to."
Unbeknownst to the U.S. Acres team, MIKE & SULLEY had heard the whole thing, and had decided to follow them.
As for MARTY & JENNIFER, well, there's only so many scares an old woman can take before she passes out. Seeing a young girl walking around with an axe in her stomach was one too many for poor Jen.
"Oh, no, not again!" Marty said. He knelt down by his fallen wife and did everything he could to wake her up. "Come on, honey, we have to continue. Please wake up! Please!" But Jen didn't stir.
Marty pointed at the cameraman. "You stay here with her and make sure the locals don't harvest her body for parts or something. I'm going to get some water."
While he did that, the cab carrying VIOLET & MICHAEL pulled up to the insane asylum. VIOLET & KLAUS pulled up not long after that. The four of them went inside.
They saw various deviant creatures and people who all looked like they belonged there. Violet Parr even recognized one of them, a redhead with various scars, which she knew, were from being chopped up by a jet turbine.
"If we move quickly and find that clue, maybe he won't see us," she whispered.
They walked as quickly and quietly as they were able to. As soon as they got past the patients, they found a one-eyed monster with purple skin, who seemed to be of no threat to anyone or anything.
"Hello," she said warmly, "are you guys with the Race?"
"Yes, we are," Klaus said boldly, "do you have our next clue?"
"Yes, I do, here you are!" She handed them each an envelope with her tentacle-like hand. They opened their envelopes with haste.
Violet Baudelaire gasped when she saw a green folder in her brother's hand. "That's a Fast Forward!" she said excitedly.
Ed showed up on screen to explain. In the background was a row of dark houses.
"This is the first of only two Fast Forwards hidden on the entire race. The first team to find the special Fast Forward clue can skip all tasks, and proceed directly to the Pit Stop. Each team can only use one Fast Forward, so they need to decide for themselves when it is most advantageous to go for it.
"To win this Fast Forward, a team must travel 10 miles to this abandoned subdivision, and search through the closets of these empty houses. One of the closets contains a skeleton that has been painted red. Inside that skeleton's ribcage, they will find the Fast Forward."
"Let's do the Fast Forward!" said Violet B.
"All right, the less scary stuff we have to deal with, the better." The Baudelaires departed.
"Well, if their going to get the Fast Forward," said Michael, "It would be a waste of time to try and beat them." He absent-mindedly threw the green folder away, and took out the yellow one instead. "Detour. Creatures With Venom or Creatures Without?"
Once again, Ed appeared on screen; this time, he was in the insane asylum.
"A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams have to choose between Creatures With Venom and Creatures Without.
"In Creatures With Venom, teams must travel 6 miles to this real estate office, and crawl through the air ducts, which are crawling with 2000 spiders. When they reach they end of the course, the realtor will hand them the next clue. This task isn't inherently difficult, and teams who aren't afraid of spiders can finish it quickly, but the spiders are poisonous, and one bite could spell doom for the racers, in more ways than one.
"In Creatures Without, teams must travel only one mile to this baseball park. Once there they must dig through this swarm of nearly 2000 bats, and catch one of fifty that have been marked with race colors. If they catch one, the wrangler will give them the next clue. This task is much more difficult, and could take quite a while, but the bats have all been screened and are completely harmless."
"Let's do the spiders," Michael suggested, "it's shorter."
The supers left and started to walk carefully through the patient area. Just as they were at the door, the redhead Vi saw and recognized earlier spoke.
"Good luck, Invisigirl," he said.
Violet was so spooked, that she tore out of there just a hair faster than lightning.
Back at the airport, Jennifer was still unconscious. Luckily, Marty had returned with the water, like he said he would. He splashed it on poor Jennifer, and she woke with a start.
"Marty?" she said when she saw her husband. "Marty!" She gripped him in a tight embrace. "I had the worst nightmare."
"That wasn't a nightmare, sweetie," Marty said quickly.
"But you don't even know what it was!"
"Trust me, whatever it was wasn't a dream. Or maybe it was? It doesn't matter now. What does matter is that you're okay. Um, you are okay, right?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Great, let's go!" The McFlys dashed out of the airport and got one of those creepy taxis. "To the nut farm, and quickly!"
Speaking of the nut farm, ANTHONY & MERCEDES had just gotten there. Right on their heels were PAUL & MEIST. Inside, they started to look all over. Paul started asking the patients for clues, while the women started looking for hidden panels. Anthony just went into the back room, and there he found the purple monster with the clue.
"Hey, can I get an extra clue, for another team out there looking in all the wrong places?"
"I'll give you an extra clue, but you better see to it that this 'other team' gets it, okay?"
"Relax, they will get their clue," Anthony assured her. He dashed back out into the patient area. "Hey, guys, I got clues for both of us!" He handed one envelope to Meist, and opened the other one.
Paul yanked the Fast Forward out of his wife's hand like it was a check for the million dollars. "We're doing this Fast Forward, for sure!" They departed with haste.
"Let's skip the Fast Forward this time," Mercedes suggested.
"Okay, but I'm not crawling through a bunch of spiders!" Anthony declared.
"All right, we'll do the bats."
While Paul and Meist got a cab, Anthony and Mercedes decided to walk to the ballpark. It was only a mile away.
Meanwhile, VIOLET & MICHAEL had found the real estate office that the clue told them about. There, they saw a werewolf, who pointed them to the air duct.
"Wait a minute," Violet said. "Werewolves only come out during the full moon. It's currently a crescent moon!"
"It's that damn Daylight Savings Time, it botched up my wolf-y schedule. Yeah, it sucks, all my friends still come out on the full moon while I'm stuck inside watching Sex and the City reruns."
"O-Kay, we're going to go to the spider thing now," Michael said. He pulled away the grate and saw the spiders. It made him cringe slightly.
"Creeped out yet?" asked Violet.
"Getting closer," he told her.
While this was happening, ANTHONY & MERCEDES arrived at the ballpark where the bats were. To nobody's surprise, the bat wrangler was a vampire.
He greeted the hitchhikers nicely, and assured them that the bats were harmless. He handed each of them a modified butterfly net, and instructed that they should use those to catch the bats.
"So what do we do, just stick it in the air and hope the bat flies into it or what?" Mercedes asked.
"What you want to do is bring the net to the bat, understand?"
"Oh, yeah, you mean like this?" She swooped her net down on top of a bat that was flying by, and caught it.
"Yes, just like that, but next time, try to catch one of the marked bats."
"Oh, okay." And they went to work.
At this time, VIOLET & KLAUS arrived at the Fast Forward site. Two ghosts greeted them.
"Welcome, racers. Okay, there's twenty houses on this block, ten closets in each one, one closet has a red skeleton, in his rib cage is the Fast Forward." The orphans nodded in understanding. "Okay, you'll need these," and one of the ghosts handed them each a sign that said "Occupied". "The rules of this Fast Forward say that you guys can't search the same house at the same time, so use these to mark the house you're in. Also, you have to find your partner before you can open the Fast Forward, should you find it."
As the orphans dashed off, he called out to them, "There's one more thing! Only one closet has what you're looking for, but what's waiting for you in the other closets?"
At this, Klaus became very curious, and went back to the ghosts. "Well, what is waiting for us in the other closets?"
"Can you keep a secret?" said the ghost.
"Yes."
"So can I." While the young boy stood there dumbfounded, the ghost added this: "This is mankind's ultimate fear: the fear of the unknown."
Klaus swallowed hard, because he knew the ghost was right. But still, this was a Fast Forward! He dashed to the first house he saw and went inside.
Back at the insane asylum, three more teams arrived. ORSON & ROY arrived on foot at about the same time MARTY & JENNIFER arrived in their cab. Right on their heels were MIKE & SULLEY.
They went inside and started looking for the clue. They searched high and low in the patient area, but Roy was the first one to spot the purple one-eyed monster. When he got a clue from her, he found his partner and told the others where they could find her. The McFlys got their clue without hesitation, but Mike had to stop. He recognized the clue girl.
"Celia? Is that you?"
"Mike! Oh, my sweet googly woogly, what in the world are you doing here?"
"Um, ah, Sulley and I are in the race! We're competing for the fictional million dollars! What are you doing here?"
"Oh, I was just making a little extra money on the side!" She handed Mike the clue. "Go get 'em, googly bear!"
"You just wait until we win, shmoopsy poo!"
Back in the main area, the teams were opening their clues. All three of them knew that they were so far behind, that trying for the Fast Forward would be futile. They discarded the green folders and discussed which end of the Detour to do.
"I really don't care for spiders," Orson told Roy. "Let's do the bat thing."
"The spider thing is faster, Marty, so let's do that," said Jennifer.
"I don't think I can fit through those air ducts," Sulley said. "Looks like we'll have to do the bats."
Back at the Fast Forward, PAUL & MEIST showed up. They got the same song and dance from the ghosts that the Baudelaires did. But it didn't faze them. They each dashed into a different house.
Inside one of the other houses, Violet Baudelaire had searched nine out of ten closets. So far, she had found nothing in them, except some moth-eaten sweaters. She came down to the closet in the front hallway, the only one she hadn't checked. Slowly, she opened the door. What did she find in there? I'll tell you in a minute…
But first, I should let you know how Klaus's search went. He had searched seven of the ten closets. He was in the master bedroom, and was about to enter the walk-in closet. He opened the door, expecting something scary to pop out. But nothing happened.
I wish I could say the same thing for poor Violet. Alas, there was something in there, something with brown fur. She opened the door, and all she could see was teeth and claws and fur. She fell over backward in fright. She curled into a fetal position, expecting to be gobbled up. But nothing happened. She looked up, and saw a stuffed bear, rigged to lunge at her when she opened the door. A trick placed by the producers to scare her. And it worked, if only for a few seconds.
What made Violet even more upset (other than the fact that she was scared of a stuffed bear) was that there was no Fast Forward in the house. She left it, taking her "Occupied" sign with her, and found another house to search.
Klaus, meanwhile, had stepped into the walk-in closet of the master bedroom. He searched around for the red skeleton, and found nothing. Of course, it didn't help that the only light came from the window. He stumbled upon another door. This confused him. A closet within a closet? Whatever, a closet is a closet, he thought. He opened the door, and stepped back, again expecting something to scare him. Once again, nothing happened.
"I guess the only thing more irritating that scary stuff is expecting scary stuff and getting squat," he said to nobody in particular. And he went about his search.
Meanwhile, at the real estate office, VIOLET & MICHAEL were just coming out of the air duct course, covered in spiders.
"Wow, that wasn't so bad," Michael said.
"Do I have any bites?" Violet asked.
"Nah, you're clean. How about me?"
"You're good."
"Cool." Michael turned to the week-behind werewolf (or was it a week ahead? I can never remember) and got a clue from him.
(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in first place.)
"Make your way to the covered bazaar…"
Teams must now travel to the Hallow's End covered bazaar, where citizens can purchase just about anything their heart desires. And I do mean anything! Just outside the entrance is where teams will find the next clue.
As the supers exited the office, they passed by the McFlys.
"Marty, Jennifer," Michael said, trying very hard to keep a civil tone.
"Michael, Violet," Marty answered, trying equally hard to keep a civil tone.
Back at the baseball field, Anthony swung his net like a madman. It was a wildly ineffective way to catch a bat, but it was all he could think of. Luckily, he had Mercedes with him. She managed to snag a bat that was painted with race colors. She handed it to the vampire.
"Well done, here's your next clue."
(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in second place.)
"Once there, find your next clue outside the entrance," read Anthony.
The galactic hitchhikers grabbed their stuff and departed. As they did, they passed ORSON & ROY and MIKE & SULLEY, who were running in to do the task they had just completed.
The vampire explained the rules of the task and gave them the bat nets. The two teams narrowed their eyes at each other, and the showdown was on!
Back at the Fast Forward, Paul was frantically searching for that elusive red skeleton. He had searched eight out of ten closets in the second house he had chosen to search. He was in what he guessed was the guest bedroom, which had a sliding door closet. He was pretty sure he wouldn't find the Fast Forward in there, but he wanted to be thorough.
Gingerly, he fingered the door. If there was something spooky on there, he wanted to be ready for it. Quickly, he whipped the door open. He saw something big and red coming toward him. The surprise caused him to fall on his bottom. When he got back up, he saw that is was in fact the red skeleton he was looking for! He saw something green sticking out of his rib cage. The Fast Forward!
"Yes!" he cheered excitedly, with the special clue in hand. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
"You're welcome," the skeleton said.
Paul wasn't expecting the skeleton to talk, and it scared him. He tore out of the building as fast as his legs would carry him. He knew the rule was that he couldn't open the Fast Forward until he found his wife, so he went looking for her.
Speaking of whom, Meist had a very bad case of the heebie-jeebies. She had never been a fan of horror movies, and yet here she was, smack dab in the middle of one. She didn't want to search anymore closets. She just wanted this to be over and done with. But she knew she had to keep looking, for the million dollars.
She was about to open another closet, when the doorbell rang. She jumped six feet, bumped her head on the ceiling, and landed in a heap. The doorbell rang again. Now she was really scared. Should she open it? What if it was an axe-murderer, hell-bent on wiping out the racers? There was a missile fight in the Eastern Sea, so what was so irrational about that? But what if it was something good? What if it was…she couldn't think of anything good!
The doorbell rang again. Meist was panicking now. This is the part of the movie where the audience starts screaming, "Don't open the door, don't open the door!" she knew that much. Then she asked herself, "why not open the door?" After all, once you see the creature that's trying to kill you, you can better combat it, right? Besides, if she didn't open the door, whatever it was might break it down anyway.
Once more, the doorbell rang. She descended the steps as quickly as she could and flung the door open wide. What she saw made her gasp!
"Hi, honey."
"Paul! What the hell? Give me a heart attack, why don't you?"
"I got the Fast Forward," he said, whipping out the green envelope.
"Shut up! This is wonderful! Oh, open that puppy, Paul, open it!"
(PAUL & MEIST are indisputably in first place.)
"Congratulations on obtaining the Fast Forward," Paul read, "You may now proceed directly to the Pit Stop…"
Having claimed the Fast Forward, Paul & Meist can now skip all tasks, and proceed directly to the Pit Stop, the Hallow's End Travelling Carnival.
"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," he finished.
As soon as the married couple was gone from the lot, one of the ghosts at the entrance picked up a bullhorn and spoke.
"Attention racers! The Fast Forward has been claimed. Please depart from the area and continue on the main course."
Dejected, VIOLET & KLAUS came out of their houses and met on the street.
"Well, it looks like our good luck has finally run out," Violet observed.
"Let's just do our best on the main route," Klaus told her. "What was that other thing, it was a Detour, wasn't it?"
Violet dug it out of her bag. "Yeah, Detour. Creatures With Venom or Creatures Without?"
"We have to do the spider one, it's faster."
The Baudelaires got a taxi and asked it to take them to the real estate office.
Speaking of the real estate office, MARTY & JENNIFER had just finished crawling through those spider infested air ducts. While Marty got the clue from the werewolf, Jennifer frantically brushed the spiders out of her hair.
(MARTY & JENNIFER are currently in fourth place.)
"Once there, find your next clue outside the entrance," Marty read. "Let's go!"
Over at the ballpark, it was slim pickings for the monsters and the barnyard animals.
"Come back here, you stupid winged rat!" Mike shouted, chasing after one bat.
"Here, batty, batty, batty," Roy coaxed.
"Come on, bats, please let me catch you!" Orson begged.
Their efforts thus far were fruitless. Bat-less, actually, but you know what I mean.
Anyway, over on the West Side of town, there was a large tent set up for a carnival. Standing just inside the tent was Edward Nemo. Next to him was a clown with a menacing expression on his face, and what appeared to be sharp teeth.
While they stood waiting, PAUL & MEIST rushed inside. They ran up to the mat and stopped.
"Welcome, travelers, to Hallow's End!" the clown said in a whispery voice.
"Thank you," Paul said.
"Paul & Meist, you are team number one!"
(PAUL & MEIST 1ST PLACE.)
"Awesome!" Meist cheered. "No more scary stuff!"
"I'm afraid that's not the case," the clown said. "You'll be spending the Pit Stop right here, with me!"
Meist gulped. "Well, at least we'll be the first team to leave here."
About that same time, VIOLET & MICHAEL had located the covered bazaar. The clue box was just outside the entrance, plain as day.
(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in second place.)
"It's a Roadblock," Michael read. "Who likes to shop?"
The next shot was of Ed strolling in the bazaar.
"A Roadblock is a task that only one person can perform, and no person can perform more than six. In this Roadblock, that person must take this list, enter the bazaar, and purchase all the items on it. When they have completed the list, they must bring the stuff to this official, who will hand them the next clue."
"You want to do this, Vi?" asked Michael.
"Sure, what harm could it do?"
She pulled the list out of the Roadblock envelope, grabbed some cash out of her bag, and set off.
No sooner was she inside than ANTHONY & MERCEDES arrived. They exchanged pleasantries as the human grabbed the clue.
(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in third place.)
"Roadblock," read Anthony.
"I'll do it," Mercedes offered. She grabbed the list and some money and ducked inside.
"Okay," Violet said to herself, "Let's have a look at that list."
This is what was on it:
3 human eyeballs
1 frog's leg
2 expired ink cartridges
Bones of a mouse
12-ounce can of Mountain Dew
"Hmm, the first four seem reasonable, but where am I supposed to find Mountain Dew?"
Just then, she heard someone shouting. "Sodas! Get your sodas! Any brand you can think of, right here!"
"I guess that's where. Excuse me, I'd like to buy a soda please!"
"Sure! Can I interest you in a Diet Pupsi? All the rich dog flavor, with no calories!"
"Eh, no thanks, I would like…"
"Or perhaps you'd like a Dr. Salt? A unique blend of 23 types of medical ailments!"
"Yeah, I'm sure it is, but I really just want a can of Mountain Dew."
"Mountain Dew? Are you sure?"
"What? Is Mountain Dew not spooky enough, not gross enough, not in sync with your Hallow's End vibe?"
Silence.
"I was just going to say that Mountain Dew has a lot of caffeine in it."
"Oh."
"You think my sodas are gross?" the merchant said, tearing up.
"Uh, no, I mean, yes, I mean, I didn't…"
"Gotcha!" He smiled wide. "Oh, man, the tourists fall for that every time!"
"Oh, heh, heh, that's clever. Nice one."
"Yeah, I know. Here's your Dew."
"Thanks." Violet paid for the soda and moved on.
Elsewhere in the bazaar, Mercedes was having difficulty buying the first item on the list.
"Here, I'd like to buy these three eyeballs, please."
"I'm sorry, miss, but I can't sell you that eye."
"Why not?"
"You can only buy those in pairs. I can't sell you an eye out of its box."
"I don't need that eye. I need these three."
"Ma'am, please don't argue with me, you're going to cause a scene."
"Fine." She put the loose eye back in the box where she found it. "Four eyes, please."
"I'm sorry, but I can't sell you that box. It's been opened."
Mercedes couldn't believe what she was hearing. "By me! The one who wants to buy it! I opened it!"
"You really should know better than to open a box of eyes you haven't paid for," the merchant said flatly.
"I was planning to pay for it!"
"I'm sorry, but I can't sell you an open container."
Mercedes tried to restrain herself from screaming. "Where's there a pillow when you need one?" she said through clenched teeth.
Just then, she noticed the merchant next door. He was selling pillows, ironically.
"Can I borrow one of those?" she asked. The merchant said she could. She buried her face deep within the down and screamed until she thought she would strain her vocal chords. "Appreciate it," she said as she returned the pillow.
She picked up another box of human eyes, unopened; put it with the unopened box she had, shoved them into the merchant's face, and demanded that he ring her up.
"Okay, okay," he said. "Jeez, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed tonight."
Back at the ballpark, Roy got extremely lucky. He swung his net, and grabbed a marked bat! Excited, he showed it to Orson, and then to the wrangler. After confirming that it was a marked bat, he handed the rooster a clue.
(ORSON & ROY are currently in fifth place.)
"Make your way to the covered bazaar…" Roy read.
"Come on, let's make tracks!"
About this time, VIOLET & KLAUS had finally arrived at the real estate office where the spider Detour was to be carried out. The werewolf directed them to the air ducts, which they quickly crawled through. They weren't even concerned about the spiders.
At the bazaar, Violet Parr and Mercedes Prefect were still gathering items on the list when the McFlys arrived. Marty grabbed the clue.
(MARTY & JENNIFER are still in fourth place.)
"Roadblock," he read. "Think you can handle this, honey?"
"No way! You do this one!" Jen insisted.
"All right, I'll do it!" Marty took the list and went inside.
Inside, Violet had only one more thing to get on her list, the frog's leg. She noticed a sign that said "Appendages 'R' Us." Maybe they have a frog's leg, she thought.
When she caught sight of the merchant, she was taken aback. The man had a chainsaw stuck in his skull. His left eye socket was completely destroyed, and a little bit of his lip too. The saw itself was caked in blood and something else, sort of pus-like. It was a disturbing image she didn't want in her head.
Wait a minute. She remembered having this image thrust into her head earlier. Was this Harry's cousin? She had to know, so she mustered up her courage and asked.
"Yes," he answered, "I do have a cousin named Harry who lives on the Eastern Sea. Why?"
"I ran into him not too long ago. He said to tell you that he said hi."
"Really?" the merchant asked. "Wow. Hey, listen, if you bump into him again, tell him I said I was sorry. Tell him Javier said he was sorry."
"I'll do that. Hey, as long as I'm here, do you have frog's legs?"
Javier rolled his good eye. "Oh, so he told you I was web-toed, and you're making fun of me now, huh? That's real classy."
"For sale? Do you have frog's legs for sale?"
"Oh! Sure, I have frog's legs! How many do you need?"
"Oh, just the one."
"You got it!"
With the list complete, Violet went back outside and got Michael. Together, they dropped it off at a table near the other end of the bazaar.
"Okay, everything seems to be in order, good job, and here's your next clue!"
(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in second place.)
"Thanks," Violet said as she ripped it open. "Now deliver the items to the home of Ezmarelda the Enchantress…"
Teams must now pick up the items and cross the street to this hut, where lives a witch named Ezmarelda. Teams are told that she will give them the next clue. What teams don't know is that they will get their next clue by having a spell cast on one member of their team, and that the items collected at the Roadblock are the spell ingredients.
(A/N: I know the name is misspelled, but I think it looks better that way, don't you?)
"Just across the street?" Michael asked. "Cool! Let's go!"
The supers dashed over to a door marked with a race flag. Violet knocked on it, and the force of her knock made it open. Cautiously, they stepped inside. They heard what sounded like a TV. They followed the sound, and found a blonde woman wearing only her unmentionables, sitting on the couch watching TV.
"Don't do it, Gabby!" she said, "That zombie will just break your heart!"
"Excuse me," Michael said, ever so softly.
"YAAAH!" the woman screamed. "Who are you? How the hell did you get in here?"
"Um, we're with the Race, and your door was open. We're here to see Ezmarelda, about a clue?"
"Oh, crap! I completely forgot about that! I'm sorry you had to see me like this! Hold on one minute, I need to change. What do I mean 'change', I need to get dressed!"
While this was going on, James Sullivan had finally managed to catch a marked bat and present it to the wrangler. The wrangler handed him the next clue.
(MIKE & SULLEY are currently in sixth place.)
"Make your way to the covered bazaar…" Sulley read.
Seconds later, the Baudelaire orphans emerged from the spider course, and got their next clue from the werewolf.
(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in last place.)
"…Outside the entrance, you'll find your next clue." Klaus read.
At the bazaar, two very impatient barnyard animals were just arriving. A desperate pig reached into the clue box for an envelope.
(ORSON & ROY are currently in fifth place.)
"Roadblock," read Orson. "I'll shop for whatever they need." He took the list and ducked inside.
Just seconds after Violet Parr got all her stuff, Mercedes completed her list. After grabbing Anthony, she took the stuff to be inspected, and got the next clue.
(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in third place.)
"…She (Ezmarelda) will give you the next clue." Mercedes read. "Come on, Anthony, let's make tracks!"
The hitchhikers found the hut right away. The door was wide open, so they walked in. They saw Violet & Michael standing there.
"Hey, guys," Mercedes said. "Where's Ezmarelda?"
"We found her in here," explained Violet, "watching some lame soap opera in her underwear. At least, we think that was her. She said she would get dressed."
About that time, the blonde woman emerged from her bedroom. Now, she was wearing a floor length black robe, a pointed hat, a fake wart on her cheek, and carried a short stick.
"Oh, goody, another team showed up while I was getting ready. Okay, Red and Four-Eyes will have to wait until I'm done with this first team. You two, step into my office."
"Did she just call me 'Four-Eyes'?" Anthony asked.
Violet and Michael followed the woman they had deduced was Ezmarelda into a small room. Ezmarelda shut the door behind them.
"Okay, do you have the ingredients?" she asked.
"Ingredients?" Michael said, confused.
"They stuff you got from the bazaar at the Roadblock? Come on, stay with me!"
"Oh, here you are," Violet said, handing her the bag.
"Good, I'll need these things to get your next clue."
"What, are you going to conjure it up with that wand?" asked Michael.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am, and it's not a wand, it's just a stick, like you find on the ground."
"Okay,"
"Now, which of you did the Roadblock?" Violet raised her hand. "Okay, then you'll have to be my victim," she said, pointing at Michael.
"Vi, remember when you asked if I was creeped out and I said 'not yet'?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm there now!"
"Relax," Ezmarelda assured him. "This spell won't hurt a bit. All it will do is make you recite the next clue. This is how you will get it."
"But, are there any possible side effects?"
"Yeah, in studies, drowsiness was the most common side effect. Others included fatigue and dry mouth. Most were mild or moderate."
The supers just stared at her.
"It's a joke!"
"Right."
"Anyhoo, let's get this party started."
One by one, Ezmarelda dropped the ingredients into her bubbling cauldron.
"Three human eyeballs, one frog's leg, two expired ink cartridges, and the bones of a mouse."
"What about the Mountain Dew?"
"Oh, right." Ezmarelda opened the can and drank the whole thing in one gulp. "Oh, yeah, that's the stuff!
"Okay, now for the incantation." She raised her stick and said, "Liphi Nikehoga smake em tho!" The mixture in the pot changed color. She dipped her stick into it, and extracted a dollop of it.
(A/N: Secret message time! To decode the incantation, delete the second letter from the two capitalized words. Then move the first letter of each word to the end of the same word. You'll discover why Ezmarelda agreed to participate in the Race.)
"Okay, Michael, is it? Yeah, just stand right there and don't move." Ezmarelda wound up, and flung the mysterious blob at Michael's mouth. All at once, he began to speak, but not by choice. It was as if his mouth had a mind of its own.
(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in second place.)
"Travel by taxi to the next Pit Stop…"
Teams must now travel by taxi thirty miles from Ezmarelda's place to this place, the Hallow's End Travelling Carnival. It mostly stays in Hallow's End, but occasionally, it sets up in other sectors of Dreamland. This nomadic fun park is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here may be eliminated.
"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," Michael finished.
"Well, let's hurry!" said Violet.
They ran out of the "office", and out the front door as fast as they were able. As soon as they were gone, Ezmarelda beckoned for ANTHONY & MERCEDES to come into her office. They got the same song and dance that the supers got. Since Mercedes did the Roadblock, Anthony got the spell.
(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in third place.)
"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated."
"Come on, Anthony!"
While the galactic hitchhikers were in Ezmarelda's office, Marty McFly had gathered all the stuff on the list. With his wife, they got the next clue from the official.
(MARTY & JENNIFER are still in fourth place.)
"So, we have to take the stuff to that hut over there?" Marty asked.
"Then, let's go!" said Jennifer.
Seconds later, MIKE & SULLEY arrived at the bazaar.
(MIKE & SULLEY are still in sixth place.)
"I'll do this one, big guy!" Mike said. He grabbed the list and went inside.
Meanwhile, Marty and Jennifer were watching Ezmarelda cooking up the spell. She cast it on Jennifer because Marty did the shopping.
"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated."
"TAXI!" Marty shouted.
"Um, you're not even near the road yet," Ezmarelda pointed out.
"Oh, right, that might help."
While the McFlys were getting their cab, the Baudelaires had trudged up to the clue box outside the bazaar.
"Only one left," Violet noted. "That means we're in last place."
"How typical," said Klaus. He ripped it open. "Roadblock."
"I'll do this one," said the young girl. She went inside.
Meanwhile, on the West Side of town, another team pulled up to a large red and white tent. VIOLET & MICHAEL went inside and stepped onto the mat.
"Violet and Michael, you are team number two!"
(VIOLET & MICHAEL 2ND PLACE.)
"Huh," said Violet. "Another team must have gotten the Fast Forward."
Back at the bazaar, Orson Pig had completed his list, and was taking Roy over to get the stuff inspected. Once the inspection was complete, they got the next clue.
(ORSON & ROY are still in fifth place.)
"…She will give you the next clue," read Roy. "Hmm. I wonder what she needs the stuff for."
"We'll find out soon, I guess," said Orson.
At the Pit Stop, the team Ezmarelda called "Red and Four-Eyes" checked in.
"Anthony & Mercedes, you're team number three!"
(ANTHONY & MERCEDES 3RD PLACE.)
"Yes!" Anthony cheered. "We're moving back up!"
At Ezmarelda's house, Roy was preparing to get hit with the clue spell.
"Sorry if I seem a little jittery," she said, "but I've had quite a few Mountain Dews already." She flung the stick, and hit her mark, remarkably. Soon enough, Roy spat out the location of the Pit Stop.
"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated."
"We'd better make sure that's not us! Come on, Roy!"
Back at the bazaar, Mike had just finished the list while Violet Baudelaire still had one more item to get. He and Sulley got their clue in a hurry.
(MIKE & SULLEY are still in sixth place.)
Seeing the hut that Ezmarelda called home, Mike grabbed the stuff in one armful and ran over there as fast as he was able.
Over at the Pit Stop, an elderly married couple stepped on the mat.
"Marty and Jennifer, team number four."
(MARTY & JENNIFER 4TH PLACE.)
"Cool! We're moving up!" said Jennifer.
After this, Violet finally got the last item on her list. She grabbed Klaus and went to the inspection table. He passed the orphans and gave them the next clue.
(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in last place.)
"Is that Ezmarelda's place, that one with the door standing wide open?" asked Klaus.
The zombie nodded, and the kids dashed inside. They found nothing.
"Ezmarelda?" Violet called out.
"I'll be with you in just a minute!" she answered.
Inside her office, she cast a spell on Sulley to make him spit out the Pit Stop location.
"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated."
"Come on, you big furball, let's roll!"
As soon as the monsters were outside, the orphans rushed into Ezmarelda's inner sanctum.
"Okay, you guys probably know you're in last place, right? Yeah, I'm going to try to speed this up for you," she said.
Ezmarelda snatched the bag from Violet's hand. She dug out the soda and set it on the table. Then she dumped the contents into the pot and chucked it. She went to slug the Mountain Dew, but decided to save it for later instead.
Quickly, she said the incantation, and the second the mixture changed color, she flicked a dollop out of it, right onto Klaus's mouth.
"Travel by taxi to the next Pit Stop, the Hallow's End Travelling Carnival. Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated."
As soon as Klaus finished, they both ran like hell out the door and got a taxi.
"I'll be rooting for you guys!" Ezmarelda called out to them as they departed.
Meanwhile, Orson and Roy arrived at the Pit Stop and checked in.
"Orson and Roy, you're team number five!"
(ORSON & ROY 5TH PLACE.)
"Phew," Orson sighed. "We may have fallen a significant margin, but we're still in the race, at least."
Elsewhere on the streets of Hallow's End, Sulley had an issue with his cab driver.
"You're lost, aren't you?" he asked the skeleton.
"I am not lost! I know this city like the band of my metacarpals!"
"What?"
"Hand bones! Trust me, this is the way you want to go." But then he saw a mass of vehicles in front of him. "Oh, damn! I forgot that this street is packed during rush hour."
"Rush hour?" Mike and Sulley asked each other.
"No matter," said the driver, "I know another way!"
Meanwhile, Violet was bothered by the speed of her taxi.
"Can't you make this thing go any faster?"
"No!" the driver shot back. "This horse is going as fast as she can! She may be half dead, but she'll get us where we're going!"
"I know for a fact that a live horse would be much faster," said Klaus.
"That's too damn bad! This is the fastest way around this town, so if you want to walk, you be my guest!"
"Well, excuse me!"
The next shot was one of Ed and the clown inside the tent. Then we see Violet and Klaus getting out of their taxi.
"Here's fine," said Violet, "we can hoof it the rest of the way!"
Then we see Mike and Sulley getting out of their cab.
"We can see the tent from here, thank you!" said Sulley.
We see Violet and Klaus running toward the tent. Then we see Mike and Sulley running. Then we see Ed pointing toward the entrance. We next see a first-person shot of one of the teams running to the mat. Not a very effective one, because we could see a little bony horn sticking out in the corner of the shot. Because of that, we can deduce that MIKE & SULLEY checked into the Pit Stop first.
"Mike and Sulley, you are team number six!"
(MIKE & SULLEY 6TH PLACE.)
"And you guys are still in the Amazing Race!"
"Ooh! We just avoided elimination! More race for us! Ow!" Mike danced his victory dance, the novelty of which had just about worn off.
A sad interlude started to play as Violet and Klaus rushed into the tent.
"Welcome, travelers, to Hallow's End," said the clown.
"Thanks," said Violet.
"Violet and Klaus, you're the last team to arrive."
(VIOLET & KLAUS LAST PLACE.)
"And I am…pleased to tell you that this is the first of four pre-determined non-elimination legs, and you guys are still in the Amazing Race."
"Really?" Klaus said. "Awesome! Just when I thought we were out of luck, we get this very important second chance!"
"Oh, thank you, sir, thank you!" Violet said adoringly.
"Ah, ah, ah," said Ed, "don't get too excited. You know that for coming in last on a non-elimination leg, there is a penalty." They already started to give things over while he explained the penalty.
"You must forfeit all the money you've accumulated so far on the race, and you will not receive any money at the start of the next leg. Also, you must forfeit your backpacks and all your possessions, save your passports and the clothes on your back."
"I had a feeling that this leg would be non-elimination," Klaus told the camera later. "I knew I couldn't bear to give over my spyglass. So, as soon as they said we had lost the Fast Forward, I took out my spyglass and put it inside my coat pocket." He pulled it out and showed it. "That way, even if we did come in last, I wouldn't lose my most valued possession. The rest of the stuff can be replaced, but this can't!"
"I was so happy to hear that we were still in the race, I didn't mind the penalty one bit," confessed Violet. "I know BJ and Tyler came back from suffering this penalty twice to win the whole thing. We can do that too! I'm thinking nothing but good thoughts for the rest of the race!"
ON THE NEXT AMAZING RACE: DREAMLAND…
Teams will have a rootin' tootin' time in the Old West hamlet of Peach Town! Will they be able to conquer the perils of the wild wild west? Or ain't they got the gumption? If you want to find out, then "y'all come back now, y'hear?"