Before the race continued, Ed was seen strolling through the halls of the Martian Military Academy.
"This is New Chicago, a human colony on the planet Mars. The crown jewel of human achievement, NC prides itself on its low crime rate, its advanced technology, but most of all, the quality of its armed forces. And the Martian Military Academy is where they turn the promising youngsters of today into the grizzled soldiers of tomorrow. This hallowed institute of learning was the seventh Pit Stop in the Amazing Race.
"The five remaining teams checked in here at the end of the last leg for a mandatory rest period. The teams have no idea what's in store for them on the coming leg. All they know is to follow the string of clues they will be given. They don't even know how they are getting off of Mars, because I went and blabbed off to them that the producers couldn't afford a second rocket. But, I digress.
"Violet and Michael, who were first to arrive at 3:22 AM, will depart at 3:22 PM."
The sun was up, illuminating the air with a red glow. They stood inside a brightly decorated dorm room, and the red light caused a color twinge that was pleasing to the eye. When the moment came, they opened their clue.
(VIOLET & MICHAEL are first to depart.)
"Travel by taxi to 5758 White Drive, and knock on the door to Suite 129…"
Teams are now instructed to take a taxi to an unmarked building and knock on a specific door. What teams don't know is that inside that door is a strange scientist, who has invented an affordable way for the racers to travel to their next destination. They will receive their next clue from her, along with instructions not to open it until they get to where they are going.
"…You will have 18 dollars for this leg of the race," Violet finished.
"Eighteen bucks?"
"Enough to get us our required cab."
"True."
They ran outside, stepped into the street, and stuck out their thumbs. A cabbie pulled up to them.
"Excuse me, but what do you think you are doing?" he asked.
"Uh, we're hailing a cab," said Michael.
"You guys aren't from here are you?"
"What are you talking about?"
"This isn't Third York City, sunshine, you can't just stand on a street corner and expect a cab to pull up and let you in!"
"But we need a taxi!" Violet begged.
"If you want to hire a cab in New Chicago, you have to call the Cab Company! The number's right here on my door if you want it."
"Oh."
"Yeah, oh. Now if you don't mind, this passenger has to be somewhere." And he drove away.
"Okay, um, so, we need to get to a phone," said Violet.
"I think I saw one back in the school," said Michael.
"Cool! Let's go!"
(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are second to depart.)
"Travel by taxi to 5758 White Drive, and knock on the door to Suite 129," Mercedes read. "You will have 18 dollars for this leg of the race."
"Does it say anything else?" asked Anthony.
"No, that's it."
"Odd that. Maybe there's something inside that suite than can help us get to our next destination?"
"Maybe. Let's go!"
When they stepped out into the hallway, they nearly collided with the supers. Luckily, no damage was done.
"What the hell?" asked Mercedes, "where are you guys going?"
"We need to use the phone," Michael explained. "You can't just hail a cab in this town, you have to call the company in advance."
"Huh. Thanks for the heads-up!" said Anthony. Mercedes pulled him back into the room.
"If we use the phone in our own room, we might beat those stuck-up supers to the company's call line, get our cab first, and beat them to wherever!"
"I like the way you think, Mer! Oh, no, wait, we don't know the Cab Company's number?"
"We don't need it! I'll just dial information." And that's what she did.
"Hello? Yes, can you give me the number for the Cab Company? Huh? Sure, go ahead and dial the number for me. Thank you.
"Yes, I need a cab to come to the Martian Military Academy as soon as possible. Oh, my name is Mercedes Prefect. Yes, that's just fine, thank you."
"That million dollars is ours!" Anthony exulted.
Meanwhile, Violet and Michael had located a pay phone.
"Oh, man! It only takes Martian marks," Michael observed.
Violet looked at a dollar bill in her hand. "We need to find someone who will exchange our money for marks." Together they ran through the halls to the front office.
While they did that…
(MIKE & SULLEY are third to depart.)
"You will have eighteen dollars for this leg of the race," Sulley read.
"We'd better call a cab," Mike said. "I think I remember seeing the number for the Cab Company on a taxi while we drove here."
While Mike dialed the number, Violet slid the headmaster the dollar bill she was looking at earlier.
"I need some Martian marks for the pay phone," she said. "How many can I get for one dollar U.S.?"
"Our mark isn't worth very much. We usually speak in terms of kilomarks, or thousands of marks. One dollar U.S. is worth about 1.3 kilomarks." He handed her five large gold coins and a medium sized silver one. "250 marks is all you need for the pay phone. That would be one of the gold ones."
"Okay, thanks," Violet said, as she and her partner sprinted back to the phone.
"I hope we haven't lost any time because of the runaround we got," said Michael.
"Come on, how much time could we have lost?"
Back in the monster's room…
"Bob's Pizzeria, can I help you?"
"Huh?" Mike asked. "I need the Cab Company!"
"Yeah, we get that a lot. People confuse our number for the Cab Company's number." He then gave the monsters the correct number.
"Thank you," Mike said. He hung up.
"I thought you said you knew they number!" Sulley said loudly.
"I thought I did too!" Mike shot back.
Over at the pay phone in the hall, Michael Huey was on the phone with the Cab Company.
"Yes, the name is Michael Huey…yes, thank you very much. Okay, see you then." He hung up. "All right, we need to wait outside for our cab. Let's make tracks!"
Elsewhere…
"Um, I need a cab to come to Martian Military Academy, for Mike Wasowski and James Sullivan. Yes, thank you, we'll be outside. Thank you." Click. "Come on, furball, we have a cab to catch!"
In two separate rooms, the next two teams ripped open their next clues.
(ORSON & ROY are fourth to depart.)
(VIOLET & KLAUS are last to depart.)
"Travel by taxi to 5758 White Drive…" read Orson.
"…And knock on the door to Suite 129," read Klaus.
They each called up the Cab Company in their own rooms before running outside to wait for their cabs.
Speaking of outside, ANTHONY & MERCEDES had been there for quite some time. While they were waiting, VIOLET & MICHAEL rushed out. They were more than a little surprised to see the hitchhiker team already there.
"How the hell did you guys get a cab before us?" Michael asked.
"Oh, we, uh, yeah, we used the phone in our room," Mercedes told him.
"There was a phone in your room? I thought this was a military institution?"
"Yeah, every room has a phone in it. They're soldiers here, not prisoners."
"And I just blew 250 marks on a phone call!"
"Yeah, but that's, what, about eighteen cents? Chill out, man."
After that little exchange, two not so frightening monsters stepped out onto the curb.
"Hey, guys," Mike said cheerfully.
"Huh, oh, hey," Violet said with melancholy.
"Something bothering you?" he asked.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay." And he left it alone.
Violet looked over at Mercedes. She felt a little guilty about what she did to her on the last leg. Nobody deserves to be treated that way, not even creatures from other planets. Violet decided the best thing to do would be to clear the air.
"Um, Mercedes?"
"Yes, what is it?"
The time had come for her to swallow her pride. "Listen, I'm sorry I called you 'space freak' back in the volcano. And I'm sorry I whapped you in the stomach with this thing (the inhibitor)."
"Apology accepted. I'm sorry I pulled your hair out, and pummeled you into last Friday. Truce?"
"Okay, truce."
They shook hands.
"Aw, isn't that nice?" said Sulley.
"You stay out of this!" Violet barked at him.
"Ooh, touchy."
About that time, VIOLET & KLAUS burst through the front door, with ORSON & ROY two steps behind.
"Well, looks like everybody's here," said Roy.
"Thank you, Captain Obvious," said Anthony.
Just then, a yellow cab pulled up.
"Yes, I'm here for a Mercedes Prefect?" he said.
"That's me! Is it okay if I bring my boyfriend with me?"
"Whatever. Where to?"
"5758 White Drive, please."
"White Drive? Whatever the hell for? Ain't nothing there 'cept old abandoned warehouses."
"Yeah, that's kinda what we're counting on."
The car drove away.
(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in first place.)
"All right!" Anthony said. "We're back on top!"
Some time later, another cab pulled up. Roy rushed it, thinking it was his.
"Is your name Michael Huey?" the cabbie asked.
"Yes, that's me, let's go!" Roy said.
Orson pulled him away, saying, "Roy, it's illegal to steal another team's cab!"
"Orson, you're killing me here!"
"I'm Michael Huey," said the real McCoy. "This is my travelling partner, Violet Parr."
"Yeah, yeah, save the introduction for someone who cares. Now, where you heading?"
Violet told him the address.
"You got it!" And he put his cab in gear.
(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in second place.)
"Please go very fast, we're in a race!" said Michael.
More time went by, and soon another cab pulled up.
"Michael Wasowski?"
"That's us!" said Sulley.
They got in the car with ease (Mike made sure the cab they got could accommodate Sulley), and drove off.
(MIKE & SULLEY are currently in third place.)
Only two teams were left at the school.
"So, when did you guys call your cab?" asked Orson.
"About a quarter 'til four," said Violet B. "Why?"
"We called our cab about that same time," said Roy.
"So we're tied for last place?" asked Klaus.
"It would appear that way, but whoever's cab gets here first will have a marked advantage over the other."
They all hoped against all hope that their cab would be first.
Meanwhile, the cab that carried ANTHONY & MERCEDES pulled up to the plaza on White Drive. They paid the man, thanked him for his service, and he drove away.
"Okay, now which suite was it?" asked Anthony.
Mercedes reread the clue. "It says 129."
"Okay, that will likely be on the first floor." They scoped out the building looking for the right suite.
"Let's see, here's 105, and that's 109, so 129 has to be this way," said Anthony. They ran that way. "113, 117, 121, 125, ah, here we go!"
Mercedes boldly knocked on the door. It opened only a crack.
"Are you with the Race?" asked a voice just above a whisper.
"Uh, yes," said Anthony.
"Come on in."
Anthony was cautious, but he went inside. It was dark, until the fluorescent light flickered on. Then he saw a plethora of strange and unusual machinery, which both fascinated and frightened him at the same time.
In the light, they could clearly see the person who had opened the door. She was a female, dressed in a lab coat, and had two heads, six arms, and four legs.
"Good afternoon, my name is Dr. Spareparts," she said.
"You got that right!" Mercedes commented.
"I'll ignore that. Anyway, I was contacted by the producers to assist in moving the racers, because they couldn't 'afford a second rocket,' whatever the hell that means."
She walked over to where something was covered in cloth. Then she whipped it away to reveal…something.
"Wow," said Anthony, "that's, uh, well, that's really something. I have no idea what it is, but it's something, all right."
"It looks like some kind of a fancy archway," said Mercedes, "one you might find in an art museum or something."
"This is my greatest creation, one that well revolutionize the travel industry!" said Dr. Spareparts. "I call it the Very Necessary Plot Device!"
"What a lousy name!" Anthony shouted.
The doctor whipped her heads around and glared at them. Anthony pointed at Mercedes, as if to accuse her.
"Lousy name or not," she said through clenched teeth, "this device will instantly transport you to your next race destination. Without it, you guys would kinda be stuck here in New Chicago."
Mercedes was skeptical. "I'll believe that when I see it," she said.
"Okay, if we're done with the insults, and the statements of disbelief, why don't you step right underneath the arch, please?"
The hitchhikers did as the doctor said.
"Okay, here's your next clue, but don't open it until I say so. I'll just power this thing up, and you'll be instantly transported to your next location."
"What is our next location?" asked Anthony.
"You'll find out when you get there," said Dr. Spareparts.
While the VNPD was charging up, the last two teams were still waiting for their taxis. One cab pulled up to the curb. The racers waited with bated breath as the window rolled down.
"Yes, I'm here for a Violet Baudelaire, and her brother Klaus?"
"That's us!"
(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in fourth place.)
The orphans cheered loudly as they drove away. But before Orson and Roy could get upset about their last place standing, their cab pulled up.
(ORSON & ROY are currently in last place.)
"Go very fast, please, we need to pass the orphans!" said Roy.
Back in Suite 129, the VNPD was just about ready to go.
"Okay, now this thing is designed to send you to another apparatus like this one, which is at your next destination. Once you get there, I'll need you to use the radio function on the right-hand side of the arch, so that I know you got there okay. Then I'll give you the go ahead to open that clue."
Just then, there was a knock on the laboratory door.
"Just a minute! I'm a little busy right now!" screamed Dr. Spareparts. "Okay, here we go!" She pressed a large red button on the machine.
Suddenly, the room was flooded with a blinding white light. Ant and Mer shut their eyes and embraced each other tightly. Mercedes felt her own heart beat exactly three times, then the light was gone.
When they opened their eyes, the saw that the lab was gone, and so was the two-headed doctor. In their place were miles of green grass. It looked like ordinary green grass, only much taller, although just as thin.
"Anthony, Mercedes, come in, do you read me? Over."
Mercedes ran over to where the radio was. "This is Mercedes, we're okay, over."
"Great. You can open your clue now, it will tell you where you are."
(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in first place.)
Anthony ripped open the envelope and read: "You are now in the giant-inhabited country of Marcoatia? The grass you see is the front lawn of Diana Smith, a single mother who is 42 feet and 8 inches high."
Teams must now race across the giant's lawn to the front door and get inside the house. Once there, they must reach the dining room table, and climb up to the top using ascenders. When both racers are on the table, they will receive the next clue.
"Come on, let's motor!" said Anthony.
Meanwhile, millions of miles away, Dr. Spareparts opened her door to the people knocking.
"Are you guys with the Race?" she asked.
"Yes, um, I'm Michael, and this is Violet."
"Well, come on in." They did.
The doctor introduced them to the Very Necessary Plot Device. Unlike the hitchhikers, the supers were impressed by this teleporter thingy. They were more than happy to use it. Dr. S. powered up the machine, gave them the next clue, and beamed them (there's really no other word for it) to Macroatia.
"Hey, guys, did you make it okay?"
"Yes, Doc, we're fine!"
"Great, go ahead and open your next clue."
(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in second place.)
"Once both of you are on the table, you'll receive your next clue," read Violet.
"Look!" said Michael. "Anthony and Mercedes are still running to the house. We can overtake them!"
They ran as fast as they could to the front door.
Meanwhile, back in New Chicago, Mike and Sulley's taxi driver was still on the road.
"Okay, a few more blocks," said the cabbie, "and we'll be right on White Boulevard, dudes."
"White Boulevard?" asked Sulley. "No, no, no, we need to get to White Drive!"
"Oh, well, then I'm going the wrong way, man!"
He popped a U-turn and started to drive very fast; a little too fast for Mike's taste.
"Would you mind slowing down just one or two miles per hour?" he screamed.
"Ain't you guys with the Race. Don't you want to get across the finish line in first place!"
"I'm more concerned about getting across the finish line in one piece!"
In order for the monsters not to lose any ground, the cabbie would have had to drive at least 325 mph. Even though he loved to drive wicked fast, and this was New Chicago, he couldn't muster that kind of speed at all. Thankfully, they didn't fall too much. I'm sorry, I'm babbling, back to the race.
Anyway, because the monsters went the wrong way, VIOLET & KLAUS managed to beat them to the mysterious suite. Klaus knocked on the door.
"I'm not paying for that pizza! It took you 45 whole minutes to get here!"
"What? We're with the race, we don't have any pizza!"
"Oh, right, come on in."
The two-headed doctor escorted them inside. They were a little surprised to see a human with two heads, six arms, and four legs. But they had to continue with the race. And they liked the prospect of teleporting to the next destination.
"Okay, just give me a minute to…" Dr. S. never finished. Another knock on the door interrupted her. "All right, all right, I'll let you racers in, but you'll have to wait your turn."
"Racers?" said a voice. "What are you talking about?"
"Wait, who are you?"
"I'm Neal, from Bob's Pizzeria, you ordered a medium with anchovies and mushrooms?"
"Oh, yeah. You're 15 minutes late! I'm not paying for it!"
"Right, well, have a nice day."
The doctor took the pizza in two of her hands, opened it with another two, and with the last two, she started to eat it.
"Oh, yes, that's the stuff," she mumbled. She put the pizza down and said, "Now, where were we?"
"Um, I think you were powering up the VNPD," said Violet.
"Right. Sorry, I can be a bit drifty sometimes."
"A bit?" asked Violet.
"Sometimes?" asked Klaus.
"You're trying my patience," said the doctor.
"Sorry," they said.
"You're forgiven. Okay, let's get you guys to Macroatia."
"Macroatia? Is that where we're going?"
"Damn! You weren't supposed to know that until I sent there. Eh, whatever, let's just do this!"
She powered up the machine, and beamed them to the large front yard.
"Wow," said Violet.
"Are you guys okay?"
"We're just fine, doc!" said Klaus.
"Good. You can open your clue now."
"What clue? I don't see any clue here!"
"Oh, no! I knew I forgot something! Step out from under the arch, I'll beam it right over!"
The orphans did as the doctor instructed. In an instant, there was a flash of white light, and when it cleared, there was a clue right under the arch.
"Did it get there okay?"
"Yeah, seems that way," Klaus said into the radio.
"Great, go ahead and open it."
(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in third place.)
"…Using ascenders, you will climb to the top of the dining table…" Klaus read.
"Brother, you don't really think there could be a 42 foot woman, do you?"
"Yes, after two weeks in Dreamland, I can believe in a 42 foot woman. It's this one that 42' 8" that I'm skeptical about."
Violet smiled. Klaus had become a master comic, like she had never seen him before. They started to run as fast as they could.
About this time, the first place hitchhiker team made it to the front door. (They had to run about 50 yards, and yes, the measurements used in Macroatia are the same ones used in the rest of Dreamland.) When they got there, they pounded on the door with all their strength, figuring it would take that much pounding to get the proprietor's attention.
Sure enough, the door opened, and standing in the doorway was a brunette female, who very well could have been 42' 8".
"Hello?"
"Down here!" screamed Anthony and Mercedes.
She looked down. When she saw them, she crouched down to their level. "Oh, hi! You guys must be with the race. Come on in, the dinning room is that way. I'm Diana, by the way."
Anthony shook her index finder with both hands. "Pleasure to meet you," he said.
Diana left the front door open, to the relief of the racers still in the yard. They redoubled their efforts, hoping to move up a notch.
Back in New Chicago, MIKE & SULLEY's cab arrived at the plaza on White Drive just seconds ahead of ORSON & ROY. They caught glimpse of each other just as they were stepping out. Sulley narrowed his eyes at Orson, who returned the look. Mike and Roy stared each other down too. Then, as if someone had fired a gun, they took off in a footrace.
Both teams arrived at Suite 129 at almost the same time. Dr. Spareparts let them in, and introduced them to the VNPD. As she handed out the last two clues, she said to them, "Oh, no, wait, this will never work. I can't send you both to your next destination at the same time. One of you will have to go first, and the other one later."
Seeing as this was a race, and the team in last place could be eliminated, Orson and Roy wanted to go first just as much as Mike & Sulley. The tension started to mount, until Dr. S. suggested they play Rock, Paper, Scissors for it.
"Sounds fair to me," said Orson.
"All right, fine, just so we don't kill each other over it," said Mike.
"Ready? 1, 2, 3, Shoot!"
Mike threw Rock, Orson threw Scissors.
"Yes!" Mike cheered.
"Paper!" Orson yelled. "Why didn't I throw Paper!"
The two-headed doctor powered up the machine and beamed the monsters to Macroatia.
"Go ahead and open your clue now!"
(MIKE & SULLEY are currently in fourth place.)
"Come on, big guy, maybe we can leave them in the dust!"
"Okay, Orson & Roy, just give me a minute to recharge the machine, and I'll beam you right over."
Once the machine was energized, she beamed the last team to the other end of the device, and told them to open their clue.
(ORSON & ROY are still in last place.)
"We have to hurry, Piggo, or we'll be in deep doo-doo!"
But by the time these last two teams were beamed from New Chicago, VIOLET & MICHAEL had made it to the front door. They were thankful that Diana had left it open. So were VIOLET & KLAUS, who got there only a few steps behind.
ANTHONY & MERCEDES, meanwhile, had cleared the foyer and were just coming out of the living room into the dining area. There, they saw multiple ropes dangling from the tall table. To their eyes, it looked about as tall as a two-story house.
"Well, then, I suppose we better get started, hadn't we?" said Anthony.
The hitchhikers strapped themselves to the ascenders.
"Okay, how do you work this thing?" Mercedes asked. She fumbled with the machinery until she found herself suspended a few inches above the floor. "Okay, I guess that's how."
Using their improvised technique, they climbed up the rope to the tabletop.
"You know," said Anthony, about halfway up, "if my dining room table was this tall, I'd just as soon eat on the floor!"
Mercedes glared at him.
"Not funny?"
"Not in the slightest, earthboy."
"Well, let's see you do any better!"
"Okay, um, ooh, I got it! There's a beautiful view up here. If I ever find it, you'll be the first to know!"
Anthony snickered. "Not bad!"
Mercedes got to the top first, and once she unbuckled herself from her harness, she helped Anthony up too. From the top of the table, they could see VIOLET & MICHAEL in the dining room, getting strapped in for the climb, as well as VIOLET & KLAUS, who were near the edge of the living room, and MIKE & SULLEY and ORSON & ROY, who were in the middle of the living room, but making progress.
Most importantly, though, was the clue box they found next to the giant salt and peppershakers.
(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in first place.)
"It's a Roadblock," read Anthony. "Who's got a way with babies?"
They looked over and saw a giant infant in a high chair, and assumed that whatever the task was would have something to do with him.
They assumed correctly, as Ed explained in the next shot.
"A Roadblock is a task that only one person may perform, and no person can perform more than six. In this Roadblock, that person will jump from the table to the high chair, and spoon-feed little Tommy here some of his mashed peas. If they can get them into his mouth, they'll receive the next clue."
"I'll do this one," said Mercedes.
"Okay, if you're sure you want to," said Anthony.
The high chair wasn't too far from the table, so the jump wasn't a problem for her. She gripped the oversized spoon with both hands, and dug some peas out of the shortish jar.
"Okay, this isn't too difficult," Mercedes told herself, "easiest Roadblock on the course." But she hit a snag when she went to feed little Tommy his peas. One guess what it was, any takers? "Oh, come on, little baby, please eat the peas!" she begged. But the baby wouldn't open his mouth.
While Mercedes was still dealing with the infant, VIOLET & MICHAEL had climbed to the top of the table and taken their next clue from the box.
(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in second place.)
"Let me do this one," Violet told Michael. "I can handle a normal sized baby with a million superpowers, so how hard can a giant baby be?"
Violet jumped to the high chair where Mercedes still was, and tried very hard not to criticize her technique, even though she was kind of asking for it.
"Do you need some help?" Violet asked.
"No thank you, I can handle this," Mercedes insisted.
About that time, the Baudelaire orphans had finished the climb.
(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in third place.)
"Roadblock," read Violet.
"Can I do this one?" asked Klaus.
"Whatever,"
Back on the high chair, Mercedes decided to try a different approach.
"Okay, um, here comes the starship! It's looking for an opening in hyperspace so it can get to the planet Yummy-Yum!" Violet said nothing, fearing that Mercedes would pitch a fit if she said anything about her "starship."
To her alarm, Tommy seemed to like it! He opened his mouth, and Mercedes pushed those peas right in…and they came right back out. Tommy giggled at the sight of the alien covered in the greenish gunk.
Diana, Tommy's mother, was standing next to the high chair the whole time, and saw everything. She wiped Mercedes clean with a dishtowel and said, "The task was to get the peas into his mouth. Nobody said they had to stay there."
"Gee, thanks," she answered dispassionately. She had the sneaking suspicion that this was planned, to make for good TV.
Still, she was glad the task was complete, and she took the next clue from Diana gratefully. She jumped back onto the dinning room table and handed it to Anthony, so he could open it.
(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in first place.)
"Slide down the towel attached to the table…"
Teams must now use this bath towel as a slide to get down from the dining room table. Once they land, they must rush into the master bedroom, where they will find the next clue.
Anthony took one look at the modified chute, and said to himself, "uh-uh!" He was a little bit frightened by the potential of injury presented in this little task. Mercedes assured him that it would be safe, and demonstrated such. The bespectacled human felt a little better, but not much.
Meanwhile, Team Monster and Team U. S. Acres, having already sprinted through the living room, were just about finished with the climb up to the dinner table. MIKE & SULLEY were ahead of ORSON & ROY, but only slightly.
"Come on, Ors, let's move!" Roy shouted. "We have some major catching up to do!"
(MIKE & SULLEY are still in fourth place.)
(ORSON & ROY are still in last place.)
"I'll take care of this, Mikey," said Sulley.
"I've done four Roadblocks so far, and you've only done two!" said Orson. "It's your turn, Roy!"
"Fine, whatever," said the rooster.
While the pig and the blue-furred monster jumped to the high chair, Violet Parr tried to get the baby to eat the stupid peas. Little Tommy caught sight of the raven-haired superhero, and wasn't interested in anything else. He reached out for her.
"Come on, Tommy, you have to eat the peas, so we can leave, and, um…" She saw Tommy's large hand coming closer to her. "Tommy, what are you doing? Tommy?"
The baby gripped Violet and picked her up. She dropped the spoon as a result. "Okay, Tommy, can you put me down now? Tommy, please?" It was only when she saw his mouth open wide that she started to panic.
"HELP! HELP!"
Diana, who had only stepped away for a moment to answer the phone, saw her son with a racer in his hand, and reacted quickly. "No, no, no, honey, that's not food, don't put the girl in your mouth, honey!" She pulled Violet out of Tommy's mouth, and the former coughed while gasping for air.
"Icky!" said Tommy.
"Damn right!" Violet shouted. She was undoubtedly traumatized.
Anthony still hadn't jumped down the makeshift chute, but when he saw Violet almost swallowed alive by the baby, he jumped out of pure fear. As he slid down the towel, he screamed as loud as he thought he was able. When he landed, he felt much better, once he realized that he was unharmed.
"See?" said Mercedes. "I told you it wouldn't be that bad!"
"Come on, let's hurry," said Anthony. "We don't want to lose our lead!"
While they raced into the master bedroom, Violet Parr had just about recovered from her experience inside a giant baby's mouth. She picked up the spoon and tried again. This time, she didn't try to coax the baby into opening his mouth, no, she just shoved those peas in there. Needless to say, he expectorated them onto his bib.
Still, she had satisfied the requirements of the task, and was handed the next clue.
(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in second place.)
Neither of them had any apprehensions about the towel-slide. They just jumped on in like the ground was made of Jell-O.
But, they couldn't overtake the hitchhiker team, who had already found the next clue.
"Detour," read Mercedes. "Do the Laundry, or Do the Dishes?"
The next shot was one of Ed next to an oversized dryer.
"A Detour is a Choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams must choose between doing the Laundry, and doing the Dishes.
"In Do the Laundry, they must cross through the kitchen to the laundry room, and pick up one of these giant baskets of laundry. Then they must bring the laundry into the living room, and fold at least three garments. Once they have done that, they will receive the next clue.
"In Do the Dishes, Diana will carry them to the kitchen sink, where they will work together to wash and dry three plates and three glasses. Once the task is complete to Diana's satisfaction, they will receive the next clue."
"I say we do the Laundry, is that okay, Mer?" asked Anthony.
"Okay, sure," she answered.
They dashed for the laundry room. Seconds later, VIOLET & MICHAEL got their next clue.
"Detour," read Michael. "I think we should do the dishes."
"Yeah, okay," said Violet.
They tapped on Diana's thigh, because they were too short to reach her shoulder.
"Oh, right, you two are going to do the dishes, right?" They confirmed that. She bent down and picked the two of them up gently, then carried them to the sink.
Meanwhile, Klaus Baudelaire finally got his chance to fed little Tommy. As soon as he got some peas on the spoon, he brought the heel of his hand up to his mouth and blew hard. The result was a faux-fart effect. This made Tommy giggle for just long enough for Klaus to shovel those peas in.
He took his clue gleefully, and jumped back to the table.
(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in third place.)
As they slid down the towel chute, they saw the hitchhiker team carrying a large basket of clothes into the living room. They heard Anthony breathing heavily.
"I don't (puff) know if (puff) I can take (puff) another (puff) step!"
"Come on, Anthony, just (puff) a few more steps!"
Yeah, the weight of the basket was getting to Mercedes too.
Over in the sink, Violet was starting to work on one of the plates, while Michael tackled a glass. Diana came over and saw what they were doing.
"Don't be afraid to scrub, you guys," she said, "People have to eat off those plates, you know."
"Of course, of course!" said Michael, thinking, "yeah sure, whatever."
About that time, the Baudelaire orphans got their Detour clue from the master bedroom.
"What do you think, sister of mine? Laundry or Dishes?"
"I don't think we're strong enough to lift that big basket. Let's do the Dishes."
Back at the high chair, Sulley was still working on the Roadblock. Roy, who had been waiting for a very long time, was irritated, and he made that known.
"Tell you what," said Diana, "if Sulley here takes more than ten minutes to complete the task, I'll make him stop and get behind you, okay?"
Roy thought about this. "Make it five," he said, "and we'll have a deal."
"You can have eight," said Diana.
"Six."
"Seven."
"Deal."
They shook on it. Then the giantess felt someone on her leg.
"Oh, right, dishes," she said as she deposited the Baudelaires in the sink.
Meanwhile, Ant and Mer had successfully carried the laundry to the living room to be folded. Anthony exhaled like a horse when he put the laundry down.
"Oh, planet of Hell, I need to lie down," he muttered.
"Come on, hardest part's over! The rest is easy!" Mercedes insisted. She pulled a large T-shirt from the basket and spread it out on the floor. "Now, help me fold this!"
Anthony dragged his feet over to the other side of the garment. He tried to help, but he wasn't much use.
Back on the high chair, Sulley's time was almost up. He had to get the peas into Tommy's mouth pronto; or else his team would fall into last place. He had an idea.
"Mike!" he shouted to his partner on the table, "Do you think you can make him laugh?"
"It's worth a shot," he answered.
Mike stuck his arms out for balance, and then he jumped into the air, flipped at least once or twice, and deliberately landed on his face.
Sulley looked back and saw Tommy giggling. He shoved those peas in there, and was done.
"Thanks, bud. Way to take one for the team!"
"Don't mention it," he answered in a strained voice.
(MIKE & SULLEY are still in fourth place.)
When Mike saw how they had to get down from the table, he jumped at the chance, literally. The round monster rolled down the towel like a marble. When they both reached the ground, Sulley asked Mike about it.
"Yeah, that probably wasn't the smartest thing, I've got a bad case of the head spins now," he confessed.
"It's about time," Roy said angrily as he picked up the spoon, "are the producers determined to keep us in last place or something?"
"Roy, don't complain, or you'll make it worse for us!" Orson told him.
"Shut up, and just let me do this!" Roy shot back.
Over in the sink, Violet B. and Klaus had finished all three plates and were starting on the glasses. They were so fast, they made it look like Violet P. and Michael were moving at a snail's pace. They had only finished one plate and one glass.
"How in the hell are you guys doing that so fast?" Michael asked.
"We work together on the same article," said Klaus, "so we finish each one faster."
About that same time, the monsters took their Detour clue from the master bedroom.
"Think we can do laundry?" asked Mike.
"No problemo, Mikey!"
Speaking of Laundry, Ant and Mer were just about finished. Anthony seemed to get his second wind when he started folding. They finished in no time at all.
"Well, that wasn't too hard, now, was it?" Mercedes asked.
"I'll be glad to see the Pit Stop, regardless of our position," Anthony commented.
The ever-present race official handed Mercedes the next clue.
(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in first place.)
"Make your way to the next PIT STOP!"
Teams must now make their way without Diana's aid to the other side of her house. Once there, they must search the three rooms there for the one that Tommy sleeps in. The baby's bedroom is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here may be eliminated.
"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," she finished.
"Let's go!" They started to run as fast as they could.
Back on the high chair, Roy was having trouble in getting Tommy to open his mouth.
"Come on, open up, please!" he begged a thousand times over. "No, no, these aren't icky peas, no, these are chocolate peas! Yeah, does the baby want chocolate peas?" Nothing. "Look, see, I like it!" he added, sticking them into his own beak. "See, yummy! Now, you try it!" He offered the spoon to him. To his surprise, he opened his mouth!
"Yummy, right?" Roy asked.
"Yummy!" Tommy said.
"Wow, he likes peas! Who knew?" said Diana. "Thanks to you, maybe I can get him to eat healthier now!"
"Oh, uh, you're welcome, I guess." Roy had never been thanked before in his life.
"Anyway, here's your next clue."
(ORSON & ROY are still in last place.)
"Tallyho!" screamed the barnyard animals as they tumbled down the towel. After the fun ride, they dashed to the clue box in the master bedroom.
"What do you think, Ors? Laundry or Dishes?"
Orson looked into the hallway and saw the monster team carry the huge basket. "I think those laundry baskets will be too heavy for us. So, Dishes."
Diana cheerfully deposited them into the sink, and they got right to work.
About that same time, the Baudelaire kids finished their task, and made it known to the lady of the house. She came by to inspect their work. She said she was satisfied, so the ever-present race official handed Violet the next clue.
(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in second place.)
"Warning, the last team to check in may be eliminated," read Violet.
"Wait a minute," said Klaus. "It said in the clue that Diana can't help us, so, how on earth are we supposed to get down?"
"Hmm, this is going to take some thinking," she answered, tying her hair up once more.
While they contemplated a decent strategy, VIOLET & MICHAEL just polished off the last glass. When Diana came to inspect it, she was surprised.
"That spot, there was a spot here that I've been trying to get out for seven months! Now it's gone! How did you do it?"
"Well," Michael said blushing, "It's really nothing, um…"
"Oh, no, wait, there it is. I couldn't see it because I had it in the wrong light. Sorry."
"Oh."
"Still, it's clean, and you've completed the task."
"Thank you," Violet told her.
(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in third place.)
"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," she read.
"Okay, now, for the problem of getting down," Michael muttered.
Meanwhile, over on the other end of the house, ANTHONY & MERCEDES had located the three rooms mentioned in the clue. They were all open a crack, so they didn't need to reach the doorknobs. (They couldn't even if they wanted to, anyway.)
"Okay," Anthony said. "One of these doors is the baby's room, and the Pit Stop is inside."
"Let's just try them all," said Mercedes, "you take that one, I'll take this one."
Anthony kicked the door in the middle, and discovered that it was a bathroom.
Mercedes pushed open the door on the right, and found a whole bunch of tiny people, who were about the same size to her as she was to Diana.
"Welcome to Microatia, medium sized person!" they all cheered in unison.
"Sorry, wrong room," she told them, and shut the door.
"It must be this door, then," said Anthony, pointing to the door on the left. He pushed it open, and inside was a crib, along with baby toys, baby clothes, and assorted baby paraphernalia.
Once they were inside the room, they found a dollhouse that looked like it was big enough to accommodate people their size.
"Why does Tommy have a dollhouse?" they both wondered outloud.
They saw Ed inside the dollhouse, standing next to someone who barely came up to his knee. The hitchhikers raced inside and jumped onto the mat.
"Welcome, medium sized folks," said the little guy, "to the home of Diana Smith, in the country of Macroatia!"
"Uh, thank you," Anthony said nervously.
"Anthony and Mercedes," said Ed, "you are team number one!"
(ANTHONY & MERCEDES 1ST PLACE.)
"What? Are you joking?"
Ed shook his head no.
They hugged tightly and started to jump up and down.
"And I have more good news for you," Ed added. "As the winners of this leg of the race, you have won these…" and he pulled out two key chains. "These keys start up a pair of 2007 Honda Elements, which you will find in the garage of this dollhouse."
The hitchhikers grabbed the keys from Ed's hands and dashed to the garage. Anthony was overwhelmed. Mercedes, eh, not so much, but she was still happy.
Back up on the sink, Violet B. had concocted a plan on how to get down. She grabbed a nearby dishtowel, you know the big kind that Diana uses, and handed one end of it to her brother.
"Here's the plan. I'm going to use this to lower you to the ground. Once you're there, I want to wad this up and make a cushion for me to land on."
"What, you're going to jump?" Klaus asked excitedly.
"It has to be like this! We don't have the time to think of a new plan."
"Okay, fine," he said, and he grabbed his end tightly.
Violet slowly lowered him down until she got to the end of the rope, so to speak. Klaus let go and landed on the ground on his feet. Then Violet let the towel fall. She watched as it fell into a nice heap near the counter.
"Okay, Klaus, see if you can move that!"
Klaus pulled on it. He grunted, groaned, and strained for all he was worth, but it wouldn't budge.
"Not a problem, we'll just have to improvise."
Violet dangled her feet over the edge of the counter and pushed herself off. As expected, she landed on the dishtowel, which softened the blow. She pulled herself out of the wad unharmed.
"Whew!" she said. "Glad that's over! Now let's go!"
Not long after that, the other Violet and her partner jumped down from the counter, and they too landed safely in the wadded up towel.
"I got to hand it to you Mike," said Violet, "that was pretty clever of you! Waiting until the orphans got down, and then copying their method!"
"Yes, well, you know me, clever old Mike!"
They took off after the orphans, and tried to pass them. But their efforts would turn up fruitless. Those Baudelaires were fast!
Anyway, as they were running, they passed by Mike and Sulley, who were just about finished with the Laundry task. The monsters put the last crease in the last garment just as the supers streaked by. When they received their next clue, they started running while they were still opening it.
(MIKE & SULLEY are still in fourth place.)
"…Warning: (puff) the last team (puff) to check in may (puff) be eliminated," Mike wheezed.
As these three teams ran for Tommy's room, one snide little rooster climbed out of the sink and looked through the pass-through window. He saw the teams in front of his running to what he assumed would be the Pit Stop.
"That's it," he said hopelessly. "We're as good as done for. We'll be eliminated for sure."
"Don't say that, Roy," Orson chided. "The only thing that is certain is that we will finish last on this leg. But that doesn't mean we'll be eliminated. This could be a non-elimination leg."
"Do you really think that?"
"The ninth leg is usually non-elimination. Wait, is this the ninth leg, or the eighth?"
"I don't know."
"It doesn't matter, let's just keep scrubbing."
Over on the other side of the house, the three teams came to the three doors. The bathroom door was left open, so the Baudelaires opened the door to the left. The other two teams tried the door to the right.
"Welcome to Microatia!" shouted the tiny people behind door number 3. Those two teams shut the door right away.
In Tommy's actual bedroom, Violet and Klaus had found Ed and the mat.
"Violet and Klaus, you're team number two!"
(VIOLET & KLAUS 2ND PLACE.)
"All right!" cheered Klaus. "We're moving back up!"
Later, the monsters and the supers got into a footrace to see who would place third. Ed watched as those honors went to the two not quite humans.
"Violet and Michael, you're team number three!"
(VIOLET & MICHAEL 3RD PLACE.)
"Whew!" breathed Violet. "We'll take it."
"You guys sound exhausted," Ed commented.
"We are," Michael said. "Running is hard!"
"Okay, please step off the mat, so the next team can check in." They did so, and the monsters stepped onto the mat.
"Mike and Sulley, you are team number four!"
(MIKE & SULLEY 4TH PLACE.)
"Four?" asked Mike.
"That means you are still in the Amazing Race!"
"AWESOME!" Mike broke into his ritualistic victory dance.
"I'm not going to tell you again," Ed said, "that has to stop!"
Back in the sink, Orson and Roy finished their dish task while a sad interlude played in the background.
"As soon as I saw that Sullivan creature turn the corner," Roy said in a voiceover, "I knew Orson and I were finished. We were doomed to place last on this leg."
The sad music continued as a montage of them finishing the leg played slowly.
"In the back of my mind," said Orson; "I was preparing my farewell speech for the airing of our elimination. I wasn't sure if we'd be eliminated or not, so I prepared for both outcomes."
Near the three doors, the animals started to go through their bags and put on every article of clothing they brought with them. Then they stuffed everything they wanted to keep in the pockets.
"I had to talk Roy into emptying our bags before we checked in, because he was still certain that we would be eliminated."
The sad music paused when Orson and Roy stepped on the mat.
"Welcome to the home of Diana Smith, in the country of Macroatia!"
"Thanks," Roy said.
"Orson and Roy, you look ridiculous."
They all laughed briefly.
"Still, you are the last team to arrive."
(ORSON & ROY LAST PLACE.)
"And I am…sorry to tell you that…you are about to endure the game's second worst penalty!"
"Huh?"
"Let me rephrase that: this is the second of four pre-determined non-elimination legs, so you guys are still in the Amazing Race!"
"What? Really?"
"Really, really!"
"YA-HOOOOOOOOO!" cheered Orson. He jumped up and down with excitement.
"Now, now, calm down, you know about the penalty for placing last on a non-elimination leg, the second worst penalty in the game."
"If this is the second worst penalty, then what's the absolute worst penalty?" asked Roy.
"Elimination, duh!"
"Oh, right."
"Anyway, you need to give me all your money, and all your possessions except your passports, the special credit card, and the clothes on your back." They gleefully handed him their now empty bags. "In addition, you will not receive any money at the start of the next leg."
"I'm so relieved," Roy confessed to the camera. "We've got a second chance at the million, a second chance we don't deserve. I know other teams have come back from this, so we can do this. We're going to triple our efforts, and we're going to win!"
"Wow, um, I'm not sure what to say," Orson said. "I was preparing to speak in sorrowed tones about being eliminated, but now that we're still in this, I'm just, I, I have no words. I, um, guess we will try our best to overcome this, and uh, go animal power!"
ON THE NEXT AMAZING RACE: DREAMLAND…
Time for some high flight as our teams venture to Earhart City, a city floating in the sky! Will they have the artistic skill they need? Will they be able to face "the truth"? And can they find the second Time Clock?
(A/N: Hey guys, having fun? Listen, school's starting up for me soon, so it may be quite a while before I can post the next leg. And I won't be updating as often as I would like to, so be patient with me. And keep reading and reviewing!)