Before the race resumed, Ed was seen atop a stone obelisk.
"This is the jungle country of San Ludo, home to a strange tribe of people who places a higher value on gaming than it does on medicine. Just about all their industry has something to do with gaming. The farmers grow sports equipment from the ground. Even the priests play games as an act of worship. And one of their holiest sites is here, at the Steps of Knowledge. This great stone structure, where the locals play trivia games, was the tenth Pit Stop in the Amazing Race.
"The four remaining teams checked in here at the end of the last leg for a mandatory rest period. Although Violet and Michael arrived at the Pit Stop last, they were not eliminated, as this was a pre-determined non-elimination leg. However, they were stripped of all their money and possessions, and will start the next leg with zero dollars to their name. In spite of these tremendous disadvantages, will they recover long enough to stay in the race? Or will Orson and Roy ride out the massive lead gained by the Fast Forward?
"Orson and Roy, who were first to arrive at 10:49 AM, will depart at 10:49 PM."
It's quite dark in San Ludo, so much so, that the team needs a flashlight to see their clue. Orson fingered the envelope gingerly while Roy shone the beam at his hands. At the prescribed moment, the pig tore open the clue.
(ORSON & ROY are first to depart.)
"Use the enclosed map to locate a chartered plane…"
Teams must now use a map to locate an obscure place in San Ludo, where a plane is waiting to fly them to the fairy tale kingdom of Purplewood. The flight will not depart until all four teams are on board. Once they land, they will have to search the Lavender Forest for a marked cottage to receive their next clue.
"…Three teams will have 64 dollars for this leg of the race, one team will have zero dollars," Orson finished.
"20, 40, 50, 55, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64," Roy counted. "It's all there, let's go!"
Unlike the climb up the Steps of Knowledge, Orson and Roy didn't have to answer questions climbing down. Once they were on the ground, Roy asked to see the map.
"Okay, the temple of Prob is there, and the Steps of Knowledge are there, so that puts us right about…here," and he pointed to the map. "So to get to the plane, which is here, we need to go…thataway."
"Are you sure, Roy?"
"Come on, Ors, you have to give me a little more credit than that! I may not know much, but I know how to read a map!"
"Okay, if you say so!" Orson said.
The animals bushwhacked in the direction Roy pointed. As they trekked, they bickered about whether or not they were heading the right way. This continued until they saw the plane in the distance.
"Wow, Roy, I'm impressed."
"Thank you."
They boarded the plane and made sure they got the best seats in the whole cabin.
"Our Fast Forward lead may be shot, but at least this way, we can stay in first."
Time passed. Then…
(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are second to depart.)
"Use the enclosed map to locate a chartered plane," read Mercedes.
"Map-reading should be a cinch for you, Mer," Anthony told her.
"You got that right! Let's go this way!"
The hitchhikers set out. They covered much ground, but they didn't reach the plane before the next two teams left the Pit Stop.
(VIOLET & KLAUS are third to depart.)
"Three teams will have 64 dollars for this leg of the race…" Klaus read.
(VIOLET & MICHAEL are last to depart.)
"…One team will have zero dollars." Violet P. read. "Is all the money there, Michael?"
"What are you talking about? There's no money here at all!"
"It's a joke!"
"Oh, right, a joke. I've read about those."
The four of them jumped down from the Steps of Knowledge and set out together, with Klaus leading the way.
Meanwhile, Anthony caught sight of something.
"Was there always a statue here?" he asked.
Mercedes pored over the map. "Wait a minute, if this is that statue right here, then, uh-oh."
"What? What 'uh-oh'? I don't like 'uh-oh'!"
"I think we came the wrong way!"
"What? How could we come the wrong way?"
"I got these two landmarks confused, and it turned me around."
"AUGH!" Anthony screamed. "Well, do you know which direction we need to go now?"
"Yes, certainly!" Mercedes said. "The plane is that way." She pointed back the way they just came.
"Then, we'd better hurry! A setback like this could land us in last place!"
They doubled their pace as they ran toward the plane.
Alas, they didn't run fast enough, for the other two teams had been going the right way the whole time. The Baudelaire kids got to the plane first and, seeing the best seats occupied, they took the second best seats. The supers took the seats behind Violet and Klaus.
"So, when does this plane take off?" Michael asked.
"The clue said as soon as all four teams arrive, the plane will depart for Purplewood," Orson explained.
"Where are Anthony and Mercedes?" asked Violet B. "Didn't they get to the Pit Stop before we did?"
"Maybe they got lost?" Violet P. suggested.
"Oh, come off it!" said Klaus. "Mercedes' map-reading skills are flawless!"
"Then what do you think happened?" Roy challenged.
Klaus admitted that he didn't know.
Time passed…then…
"There it is, I see it, the plane!" Mercedes shouted.
"Fantastic!" Anthony added.
When they boarded the plane, the other teams cheered their arrival. Not because they were happy to see them, but because it meant that they could finally leave for the next destination. The hitchhikers were relegated to the fourth-place seats, ensuring that they would be last off the plane.
All teams are now flying on the same plane to the fairy tale kingdom of Purplewood. When they land, teams must search the Lavender Forest for this marked cottage to find their next clue.
"Attention racers, we are making our final approach. Please put your trays and seatbacks in their full and upright position, and fasten your seatbelts. Local time is 8:57 AM."
The plane landed rather bumpily, which wasn't unusual, because they landed right in the middle of the Lavender Forest.
As expected, ORSON & ROY disembarked first, followed by VIOLET & KLAUS, VIOLET & MICHAEL, and lastly, ANTHONY & MERCEDES.
"Okay, where did the clue say this cottage was?" asked Roy.
"It didn't say. It just said to look for it," Orson told him.
"Great," someone complained. "That means we could be out here forever!"
"Let's just start looking!" someone else said.
And so they did. Each team went in a different direction, checking all the cottages. There weren't that many to begin with, so it was no surprise that one team found it rather quickly.
It was Violet Baudelaire who first caught sight of the route marker on the door. She tugged at Klaus's sleeve and he followed. Once there, Klaus knocked on the door, and it opened.
In the doorway was a very short man, with bloodshot eyes and a distant look. He had scraggly hair and a scraggly beard, and he seemed unable to stand upright.
"Whoa!" he mumbled, barely audible. "Are y'all with the race?"
"Uh, yeah, who are you?"
"I'm Tipsy, the eighth dwarf, the alcoholic brother that the other seven don't admit to knowing." The dwarf hiccuped.
Klaus sniffed the air in his little house. "Well, I guess that explains the smell."
"I'll get your clue right a…whoa! The whole house is spinning!"
"Ah, maybe we'd better come in and get it ourselves," said Violet.
They stepped inside and saw four yellow envelopes with the race logo on them, lying in a pile on the coffee table. Next to what were clearly the clues was a box with four strange figures in them. The dragon scales (that's what they were, but they couldn't figure that out) were all a similar shape, but different colors. One was red, another black, a third blue, and the last green. By the box was a sign, which read, "Choose one, and bring it to the Pit Stop."
"Which one do we take?" asked Klaus. "There must be some kind of luck prize attached to one of them."
"Let's take the black one," Violet said.
Klaus palmed it while Violet opened the clue.
(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in first place.)
"Another Detour," she read. "Rapunzel or Sleeping Beauty?"
The TV flashed a shot of Ed standing in front of a tall tower.
"A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with it's own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams must act out one of two classic fairy tales. The choice? Rapunzel or Sleeping Beauty.
"In Rapunzel, teams must travel a short distance to the edge of the Lavender Forest, and locate this 40-foot tower. Once here, teams will have to climb a braided rope to get to the room at the top. From there, they will ride on a zip line to the ground below. Once both teammates have completed the course, they will find their next clue. This task is very physical, but teams with great strength can finish it quickly.
"In Sleeping Beauty, teams must travel a longer distance to the royal palace, and locate the grand ballroom, where 751 fair maidens are napping peacefully. Only one of them has the next clue under her pillow, and only guesswork can reveal which one that is. Teams must kiss this maiden to recive their next clue. This task is not physical at all, but searching through the sea of sleeping beauties could take a while."
Violet and Klaus looked at each other, each knowing what the other was thinking.
"The tower," they said in unison.
As Tipsy collapsed on the couch, the Baudelaires pointed the other teams to the marked house. Then they looked for someone to give them a ride out of the woods.
While they did, the rooster and the pig ducked inside Tipsy's cottage. They saw the dragon scales that were left (red, green, blue), and choose the blue one. Then they grabbed a clue.
(ORSON & ROY are currently in second place.)
"The Rapunzel thing," Orson said without missing a beat.
"Let's go!" Roy shouted.
As they dashed out of the little house, they collided with VIOLET & MICHAEL. After exchanging apologies, the supers ducked inside and grabbed their clue, and the green dragon scale.
"Huh. Wonder what this could be for?"
(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in third place.)
"The Rapunzel thing is faster, we have to do that," Michael said.
Violet nodded, and they left.
Meanwhile, the Baudelaire orphans were still looking for a quick way out of the woods. They were about to give up their search when something caught their eye. It was a white horse, with black splotches and a copper horn on its head. Riding on its back was a girl in a strange manner of dress.
Klaus whistled and waved, trying to get their attention. The jockey pulled the unusual looking unicorn around to where the orphans were.
"Say," said the rider, "you two aren't from around here, are you?"
"Deduce that all by yourself, did you?" Violet responded.
"Oh, I'll bet you're with that Amazing Race that's passing through here."
"Yeah, and we're trying to get to this tower that's just outside the edge of this forest."
"Where outside the edge of the forest?"
"We don't know, our clue didn't say."
"No matter, I think I know where you need to go. Hop on, I'll take you th…" She never finished. Violet and Klaus were already on the unicorn's back.
"Okay, then. Hyahh!" And they were off.
Meanwhile, last place team ANTHONY & MERCEDES had arrived at Tipsy's cottage.
"Whew! What died in here?" Mercedes asked.
"I think he did," said Anthony, pointing to the comatose dwarf.
Just then, Tipsy belched, but remained unconscious.
"I stand corrected!"
"It doesn't matter, let's just get our clue."
They did, and they grabbed the red scale too.
(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in last place.)
"We have to do Rapunzel, it's our only chance to catch up."
While they left Tipsy in his own drunken Dreamland, Orson & Roy tried to get a ride out of the forest. They kept walking out of the forest, so that in case they couldn't get a ride, they wouldn't have to walk as far.
"Do you really think that these fairy tale creatures will give us a ride?" Roy asked.
"We should at least try," Orson countered.
Just then, another horse happened by, this one black all over. Riding this horse was an armored knight. Roy flagged him down, and after explaining the situation, the knight agreed to help them.
"Thank you, you're a lifesaver!" Roy cheered.
"I know," the knight said arrogantly.
When they rode off, there were still two teams trying to get out of the forest, either by foot or by catching a ride. Luckily for ANTHONY & MERCEDES, the latter had some experience in this area. She spotted a carriage coming and stopped it.
"Here now, what's all this?" shouted the carriage's occupant. "Who dares impede my progress?"
"Hi," Mercedes said. "Yeah, we're with this race and we need to get out of the forest, as quickly as possible, so, could we ride with you?"
"Dream on, peasant!" he spat back. "You aren't even worthy enough to pull this thing! Driver!"
As the carriage started back up, Mercedes grabbed Anthony by the hand, and together, they jumped on the rear of the carriage.
"He'll never know," she said coyly.
However, VIOLET & MICHAEL where not as experienced. They tried twice to get a ride, and twice they failed.
"Are we going to have to walk all the way there?" Violet complained.
"Shut up, we may have to!" Michael countered.
While the supers bickered, VIOLET & KLAUS arrived at the tower. They knew it was the right one because it had a route marker right on it. They jumped off the unicorn and thanked Patricia the Elf (for that was the name of the one who gave them the ride).
"No trouble at all," she answered. "If you wish, I could help you for the duration of the leg."
"That would be wonderful!" Violet told her.
The orphans turned around and got a good look at the tower. It was 40 feet tall, with no doors and only two windows. The nearer window had a yellow rope dangling from it. It looked like human hair, except that it had loops in it to serve as hand and foot holds. (Those who are Race-savvy will recognize this kind of rope right away.) Out the other window was a zip line that descended at an angle into the ground.
The race official explained that both racers had to be at the top before either could ride the zip line.
"I'll go first," said Violet. She was suited up, and she started to climb. She found it a little bit difficult at first.
"Pull up with your hands, place your foot on the next loop, then push up and grab the next loop!" Klaus suggested.
Violet tried it, and she started to make progress. She was about halfway up…when a knight rode in on a black horse with ORSON & ROY in tow.
"Thanks again," Roy told him as he rode away.
The race official shouted up the tower "Send down the second rope!" Another rope was thrown out the same window, almost identical to the first. Roy elected to go first. He saw how Violet B. climbed the rope and copied that method.
Meanwhile, the carriage that unknowingly carried Ant and Mer was out of the forest. The hitchhikers jumped off at that point.
"Okay, so where's this tower?" Mercedes asked.
"I don't see it anywhere," Anthony observed.
"Hmm. Maybe we came out of the forest in the wrong place. We know the tower is on the perimeter of the woods, so let's scout the area. Quickly!"
They started to circle the forest. They were headed in the right direction, but they weren't yet aware of it.
Back inside the forest itself, the supers were still trying to get a ride. Presently, they happened upon a tallish man with a red star-spangled cape, and a pointed hat to match.
A wizard, they thought. They approached him.
"Whatever it is, I didn't do it, or if I did, I'll pay for it, what?" the man babbled.
"You're not in trouble," Violet assured him. "We just need to get somewhere," and she described the tower.
"Ah, yes," he answered. "You will find the location you seek. But do not move. It is closer than you think. Turn."
After that, he walked away.
"Do not move, turn," Michael said outloud. "It must be some kind of a riddle. Maybe he means turn our hearts to the right path."
"Mike…"
"Or maybe a turn, as in we must wait our turn. That explains the 'do not move' part…"
"Mike!" Violet shouted.
"…But then how does 'closer than you think' come into play?"
Violet smacked Michael and shouted his name again.
"What?"
She grabbed her partner by the shoulders and spun him around. There, staring him in the face, was the tower they were looking for.
"Oh," he said flatly.
The supers stepped up to the base of the tower and saw Violet B. almost to the top. Roy was about two-fifths of the way up. The ever-present race official told them they would have to wait for one of the two teams to finish climbing before they began.
When the elder Baudelaire reached the room at the top of the tower, her brother was hooked up and he started to climb. Violet B. gave Klaus some encouragement as he climbed.
"Come on, do it just like you told me!" she said.
As Klaus started to climb, the now last place team of ANTHONY & MERCEDES arrived at the tower.
"Oh, great, look who it is," Michael said.
"Mike, try to keep a civil tongue, please?"
Michael growled and rolled his eyes.
Okay, this is starting to get dull again, so here comes the fast forward…
FF FF FF FF FF FF FF FF FF
Okay, stop here. Klaus is still climbing, and he's almost there. Roy has made it to the top, and now Orson is climbing.
"Come on, Piggo," Roy shouted. "You've done this sort of thing before, right? Pick up the pace!"
"I'm trying!" Orson yelled back. "Don't yell at me!"
Klaus gripped the edge of the window and pulled himself into the small room. Violet hugged her brother and commended him on a job well done. They crossed to the other window, where the zip line was.
"Ready to do this?" Violet asked.
"Oh, yeah!" Klaus answered.
Violet gripped the mechanism she would be using to travel down the line. Then she jumped out the window. She was surprised to find that the rope held her weight. The wind in her face was fantastic. She couldn't help hollering, "YAHOO!"
She hit the ground in a few seconds. Klaus wasn't far behind. Once they were both on the ground, they ran to the clue box.
(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in first place.)
"Make your way into town…"
Teams must now make their way into the heart of West Commerceville, not far from the Lavender forest. Once there, they must search the streets for Gene's Quality Body Art, where they must receive temporary tattoos before receiving the next clue.
"A tattoo parlor?" Klaus asked. "What kind of fairy tale kingdom has a tattoo parlor?"
As he asked that, Patricia rode around the tower to where they were. She heard his question, and answered, "the kind that has a high demand for body art, of course!"
"Right. Well, can you take us to a place called, uh," Violet looked back at the clue, "Gene's Quality Body Art?"
"Not a problem! Hop on!" Once more, the orphans mounted the two-toned unicorn as their elven guide did the driving.
Back at the tower, Violet Parr had already started the climb. She had seen how it was done, but when she tried it herself, she struggled.
"Come on, Vi, one foot over the other!" Michael shouted, thinking he was being encouraging.
"Will you just shut up and let me do this!" she snapped back.
While she faltered and floundered, Orson made it to the top. After that, he and Roy took the zip line to the ground and got the next clue.
(ORSON & ROY are still in second place.)
"Tattoos? Do you think it will show up on my skin?" asked Roy.
"I don't know. Only one way to find out!" Orson said. "I think it's this way!"
The barnyard animals set out.
While Orson and Roy were zipping to the ground, Mercedes began to climb the other rope. Having a greater resolve than Violet (not to mention greater upper body strength), it wasn't long before Mercedes was further up the rope than the teenaged super.
Violet was still struggling with the rope, but at least she was making progress. It didn't help to see an alien passing her, though.
"Keep trying, Vi!"
"I am trying! Just shut up and let me do this!"
This new vile response prompted Michael to keep silent.
As this battle on the tower wall continued, ORSON & ROY still found themselves in need of a ride. Unlike other sectors of Dreamland, taxis were not widely available in Purplewood.
Presently, Orson caught sight of something. At first, it looked like a flying carpet, but as it came closer, they saw it was a flying quilt.
"You thinking what I'm thinking, Roy?" asked Orson.
"I think so, Ors, but where are we going to get a mirror that size?"
"No, Roy, that quilt over there!"
"Where?"
"There!"
"Where?"
"Roy, look where I'm pointing!"
"Aha! Now I see!"
As the quilt sailed in their direction, the animals jumped on it. It held their weight.
"Okay, now, um, how do you work this thing?"
"I think you just say where you want to go and it takes you there."
"Okay, um, we need to get to Gene's Quality Body Art."
The quilt stopped abruptly, then changed direction and accelerated. Orson and Roy gripped the quilt for dear life.
Back at the tower, Violet was about 60 percent of the way up, but Mercedes was at the top. She flipped unexpectedly as she entered the room. As Anthony started to climb, Violet felt dejected. She felt like she had let her partner down. Then she looked, and saw Anthony fumbling with the rope.
"Come on, honey," Mercedes goaded. "You can do this!"
Violet looked back down at Michael. He could make short work of this rope, she thought. With that in mind, she gained her second wind. In very little time, she completed the climb.
Meanwhile, in town, Patricia had carried VIOLET & KLAUS to the tattoo parlor the clue stated. She dismounted Spot (the unicorn) and tied him to a hitching post. She followed the orphans inside.
The place was much cleaner than Violet expected it to be. Clean though it was, the general vibe of the joint still gave her the creeps. She saw the typical tools of the trade, as well as a few customers getting serviced.
Suddenly, a large bald man in leather stepped forward. He looked like a stereotypical biker, complete with tattoo-covered arms, multiple piercings, and steel toed boots. What was strange about him was that he had what appeared to be fairy wings on his back. He had one of those wings pierced as well. Violet and Klaus were taken aback by this frightening…fairy, they guessed he was.
"Hey, Gene!" Patricia shouted, like she knew him for years.
"Little Patty, how you doing!" Gene stepped forward and gave the elf a big bear hug. Then he noticed the Baudelaires. "Who are these two?"
"Oh, these guys are with the Race that's passing through here. I'm helping them out."
"Ah, right, that's today, isn't it? So, I'm guessing they need tats?"
"Temporary tats," Klaus said.
"Yeah, yeah, catalog's over there, let me know what kind you want."
The orphans started to flip through the catalog, looking for really nothing in particular.
"We should get one that's simple and quick to produce," Klaus suggested. "That way, we won't lose too much time here.
"Here we go," Violet said, "a peace sign. We should be out of here in less than three." They sought out Gene and told him their choice.
"Okay, if you're sure about this. So, who's first?"
Violet nudged her brother forward, very passive-aggressive.
Back at the tower, Michael finally got his chance to climb. He passed Anthony by with ease. But seeing that he was behind seemed to invigorate Anthony. He soon caught up. But Michael still got to the top first, if only by two minutes.
In any event, Violet and Michael were on the zip line before Anthony reached the room where Mercedes was. When the supers hit the ground, they ran to the clue box to get their next clue.
(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in third place.)
"You must each purchase and take a temporary tattoo to receive your next clue." Violet read.
"Oh, no, we can't!" Michael observed. "We don't have any money!"
"I think it's time you and I swallowed our pride," said Violet, pointing at Ant & Mer as they rode the zip line.
"Um, guys," Michael said to them, "listen, this next task involves money, and we don't have any, so could you loan us a couple of bucks?"
The hitchhikers looked at each other, confused. Anthony looked back at Violet, and the desperation in her eyes cut right to his heart.
The human reached into his pocket and handed Michael a wad of cash. Then he turned and extracted the last clue from the box.
(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in last place.)
"Why did you give them the money?" Mercedes asked her beau.
"I don't know, it just seemed like the right thing to do."
"Okay, let's go!"
About that time, the flying quilt that ORSON & ROY had discovered arrived at the tattoo parlor. When they dismounted, Orson instructed the quilt to stay. It seemed to understand.
When they got inside, they found Gene working on Klaus.
"Catalog's over there, pick a design you want, then let me know," he said.
At that time, he finished with Klaus's tattoo, and directed Violet to sit down.
"Now, try to hold still, because this is going to hurt a little.
As Gene drew the peace sign on the back of her hand, she couldn't help but stare at his pierced wing. For some reason, she just couldn't make this image compute. A male fairy with tattoos, piercings, a leather jacket, in short, a biker fairy.
"Yes, they're real," Gene said, noticing that the girl was staring. "Take a picture, it will last longer."
"I'm sorry, I've just never seen anything like you. Are you some kind of fairy or something?"
"Yes, I am. Got a problem with that?"
"Maybe I could answer that when you don't have a needle in my skin, hmm?"
"Huh. Aren't you the witty one? Okay, you're all done. Here's your next clue."
"Thank you. Um, these are temporary, aren't they?"
"Relax, they'll wash off with soap and water."
(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in first place.)
"Route Info," read Violet. "Make your way to the dragon's cave…"
Teams must now travel to the edge of Purplewood, where they will find the Mirthy Mountains. Once there, they must locate the dragon's cave, where they will find the next clue.
"Come on, Pat, we're outta here!" said Klaus.
Meanwhile, VIOLET & MICHAEL were having a little trouble getting a ride into town. It was much too far for them to walk. And besides, they didn't even know where it was exactly.
"It's hopeless," Michael said, once he had a full grasp on the situation.
But then, out of nowhere, they encountered a garishly decorated carriage. Violet flagged it down.
"Again, with the interruptions!" shouted its occupant. It was the same guy that Ant & Mer met with earlier.
"Excuse me, kind sir, but, we need a ride, would you be so…"
"NO! That's the second time I've been asked today! What does this look like to you, a taxicab? Begone!"
"Psst!" whispered a voice. It came from the rear of the carriage. Violet went to check it out, and found the hitchhiker team riding there.
"Michael, I think they want us to ride with them!"
"Shh!" Anthony chided. "He doesn't know we're back here."
The supers quietly hopped on the back of the carriage.
"Thanks again for helping us out," Michael said.
"No problem."
"Transportation is awfully hard to come by here, isn't it?" asked Violet.
"You know what this place needs?" said Mercedes, "an elevated train."
The others nodded in agreement.
Meanwhile, back at Gene's, the proprietor was busy trying to find a needle that would ink Roy's feathers. Orson already got his tattoo; he chose the Greek letters Pi Iota Gamma. (Go figure that one out!)
"Aha!" said the fairy; "this should do the trick. Okay, chicken boy, time to get your shot!" He laughed at his own unfunny joke.
"Okay," Roy said nervously as he sat down.
Gene powered up the needle, and when Roy saw it within inches of his feathers, he fainted away.
"Well, I just needed him to hold still, but this works too." And Gene went ahead and gave him the tat.
"Okay," Orson said, "now all we have to do is wake him up."
"Not a problem," Gene said. "We know how to deal with the more squeamish customers. EMILY! Bring out the wake-up bucket!"
Another fairy flew in, a female who looked very much like Gene. She carried a bucket of water, which she promptly dumped on Roy. That did the trick.
"Now that you're up, you'll be needing this." Gene handed Roy the next clue.
(ORSON & ROY are still in second place.)
"Dragon's cave, I should have known," Roy mumbled. "These fairy tale type stories always have dragons in them."
As the barnyard critters stepped out of the tattoo parlor, they spotted a carriage moving by. As it passed, the last two teams jumped off the rear.
"Is this the place?" Violet asked.
"Sure is," Orson answered as he and Roy got back on the flying quilt.
"Hey, where'd you get that?" Mercedes asked.
"Just found it floating around," Roy told her. "Okay, quilt, to the dragon's cave!"
As the quilt sailed away, Michael muttered, "Maybe we should get one of those."
As the last stragglers entered the tattoo parlor, Spot the unicorn had arrived at the Mirthy Mountains. Patricia stayed on his back, but VIOLET & KLAUS had to dismount. They found the clue box just outside the cave.
(VIOLET & KLAUS are still in first place.)
"It's a Roadblock," read Klaus. "Who's hungry for the fictional million?"
Ed was then seen leaning on a stalagmite.
"A Roadblock is a task that only one person may perform, and no person can perform more than six. In this Roadblock, that person must take one of these dragon eggs and cook it over an open fire. Once fully cooked, they must eat the entire thing. It will take great intestinal fortitude to get through this task. Only when the entire egg is consumed will teams receive the next clue."
"I'll do this one," Klaus said quickly.
"Brother, no! If you do this one, that will make six, and I'll have to do the rest!"
"Chill, Violet, I have a feeling the rest of the Roadblocks will be easy."
"Okay, fine."
The orphans stepped into the cave. Inside, there were several dragons of the stereotypical persuasion, you know, scaly, with sharp claws, smoke coming from their nostrils, etc. The dragons were of various sizes and colors.
"Mommy, what's that?" said a smallish black one.
"Honey, don't stare. They're just here with the Amazing Race."
"Um," said Klaus, "hi there! Can you direct me to where the, um, the eggs are?"
"Over there," said a giant brown one, pointing.
They looked, and saw a nest of sorts, holding four large eggs. Klaus ran over and took one of them. It took up a lot of space, but it wasn't very dense. He still needed two hands to hold it, but he could carry it easily.
"Okay, skillet, skillet, need a skillet, need a big skillet, here we go!" He cracked the egg on the side of the big skillet. "Um, Violet, I need your help!" She ran over and helped him separate the egg. "Now, we need some fire." He was about to ask the dragons for a match, until he remembered that they were dragons.
A medium sized orange dragon shot a fireball at the wood on which the skillet rested. It caught fire right away.
"Now we're cooking!" said Violet. She hadn't intended the pun, but it made the dragons laugh anyway.
Back at the tattoo parlor, the hitchhiker team had convinced the supers to let them go first, by virtue of how nice they had been to them recently. Anthony decided to get a simple star design, while Mercedes insisted on an "I (heart) Anthony" decal.
"And if it's okay," she added, "can you do it in permanent ink?"
"Are you sure?" Gene asked.
"Mercedes," said Anthony, "we're in the middle of a race! We can't afford to lose time on an intricate design like that!"
"Eh, I guess you're right. I can get a tattoo like that any time." And she settled for a temporary heart outline instead.
"Okay, you two are all done, here's your next clue, good luck!"
(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in third place.)
"Hoo-boy, I hope we can catch a ride into the mountains," Mercedes said. "We haven't been having the best of luck with transportation recently."
"Hey, if it's a ride you need," Gene interrupted, "I'm sure Emily here would be happy to oblige."
Anthony was cautious at first, but then figured any ride is better than no ride at all.
Emily hovered in a horizontal position so the hitchhikers could climb on her back. Then she carried them through the door.
"Hey, thanks for helping us out," Mercedes told her.
"Eh, whatever," she answered in a surly manner.
Back at the cave, Klaus's egg was almost fully cooked, when a flying quilt pulled up to the lip of the cave with two barnyard critters thereon. They jumped off and ran to the clue box.
(ORSON & ROY are still in second place.)
"Nobody eats like you do, Ors!" said Roy.
"All right, I'll do it."
They went into the cave and found the eggs quickly enough. Orson and Roy separated the egg into an empty skillet, and a dragon lit the fire with his breath.
Not long after that, the ever-present race official declared that Klaus's egg was ready to be eaten. The orphans tried to lift the skillet, but they found it was too heavy (not to mention hot to the touch!).
"Better let me do that," said a green dragon with an oven mitt on one of his claws.
He lifted the skillet with ease, and slid its contents onto a normal sized plate. The offering was about the size of a basketball.
"Dig in, kid," said the dragon.
Klaus sighed. "I just know my stomach is going to regret this in the morning." He stuck his fork into the egg and took a large bite.
Back at the tattoo parlor, VIOLET & MICHAEL settled on a design they could both live with: the Incredibles logo. Gene handed them their next clue when he was done.
(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in last place.)
Michael examined his wallet. "We still have some money left over from that loan we got from the aliens."
"Think it's enough to buy a flying quilt?" asked Violet.
"Hmm," Gene said, counting the money in question. "Well, there's a guy across the street who would sell you a flying quilt for this much. It wouldn't be pretty, but at least it would fly."
"Awesome, thanks!"
The supers ran out of the building and found the place Gene was referring to. They opened the door, and found a man in a turban standing behind the counter.
"May I help you?" he asked.
"Yes, um, we need a flying quilt, the cheapest one you have, please."
"Ah, on a budget, are we? Well, I have the model for you." He pulled out a plain green quilt with a white border. He unrolled it and let it hover in front of the counter. "This here is our economy model, the least expensive one we have. It costs 25 dollars."
Michael looked back in his wallet. "We don't have that much."
"Is there any way you can lower the price, just for us?" asked Violet.
"Maybe," said the clerk, "but I can't sell it to you for less than 18 bucks."
"All we have is 17 dollars and 51 cents."
"That rounds to 18." He swiped the cash from Mike's hand. "Enjoy!"
They mounted their new vehicle and flew toward the next clue.
Speaking of which, Ant & Mer had just arrived at the dragon's cave. They thanked Emily again for the ride, but she waved them off. Then they extracted the clue from the box.
(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are still in third place.)
"Roadblock," read Mercedes. "Who's hungry for the fictional million?"
"Let me do this one," said Anthony. "You get heartburn eating cinnamon buns."
"All right."
They quickly ducked inside the cave. Anthony selected his egg, cracked it into a skillet, and let it cook.
About that time, Orson's egg was fully cooked. The same dragon served the egg up and instructed Orson to eat. Orson, like the pig that he was, stuck his face in the egg and chowed down.
"Wow, if Garfield could see you now!" Roy cheered.
As Klaus watched the pig stuff his face, he became disheartened. He wasn't even a fifth of the way though it and he already felt full. He kept eating, but at a slower rate, moaning in agony when each new swallow hit his stomach.
"Come on, Klaus, just eat the thing!" Violet said, trying to encourage her brother.
"That's easy for you to say, you don't have to eat this!" he shot back. Klaus took a sip of the water the Race provided, hoping it would alleviate his pain. It didn't.
Time passed. Orson started to feel full as well, so he slowed his pace. He still had a ways to go, but at least he was ahead of poor Klaus. Anthony's egg had finished cooking, and he started to eat, at a slow but steady pace.
While the three of them ate, they heard the rustle of a flying quilt outside. VIOLET & MICHAEL commanded their quilt to "sit and stay!" They retrieved the last clue from the box.
(VIOLET & MICHAEL are still in last place.)
"It's an eating challenge," Violet correctly assumed. "You'd better handle this one, Mike."
"As long as it's not spicy food, I'm good."
As they entered the dragon's cave, Violet noticed something.
"Hey, all the other teams are here! We might be able to catch up!"
Michael took the last of the eggs from the nest. He cracked it and (with Violet's help) separated it into the last skillet. With a flame from a dragon, the egg started to cook.
By then, Klaus had eaten about 60 percent of his egg, and his digestive tract was torturing him. He felt like he could vomit at any moment. He took another bite, and had a dry heave.
"I can't do it! I can't eat this whole thing!" he moaned.
"Klaus!" shouted Violet B. "You have to play through the pain!"
"Shut up!" he spat back. "I can't do this! I'm too full!"
"Just wait a while. Let the food digest. Then you won't be so full."
"ARGH!" Klaus wailed. He ate a little more and sighed.
While Klaus was going through that, Orson had just about finished his offering. He only had to lick the last remnants off the plate. The pig uncorked a very satisfied belch, then joined his partner, who had the next clue.
(ORSON & ROY are currently in first place.)
"Make your way to the next PIT STOP!"
Teams must now travel back into town and locate the royal palace. Once there, they will search the halls for the princess's bedchamber. This royal sleeping quarters is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here may be eliminated.
"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," Roy finished.
As the barnyard animals dashed out of the cave and onto their flying quilt, Patricia realized that something had gone wrong inside the cave. Somehow, the team she was helping had fallen behind, and she was concerned. She dismounted Spot and ran into the cave to see what was up.
She found Klaus slumped over a plate of eggs, while Anthony and now Michael continued to chow down on their food. Patricia sought out Violet B. and asked her what the problem was.
"Klaus says he can't eat the whole thing because his stomach hurts," she told her.
Pat went over to Klaus. "Oh, well, no wonder his stomach hurts!" She noticed that he was still wearing his belt. She instructed him to unbuckle his belt, which he did.
"Oh, wow!" Klaus said. "That feels much better!" He then started to eat his food much more rapidly.
Anthony kept eating, ignoring the pain he felt in his stomach. Michael was quickly catching up to him. When Anthony saw this, he ate all that much faster.
But neither of them could catch Klaus and his newfound resolve. He finished the dish in very little time. He joined his sister as she got the next clue from one of the dragons.
(VIOLET & KLAUS are currently in second place.)
"All right, Pit Stop time! Klaus, are you okay?"
"I'm full, but I'm fine."
"Hey, if we hurry," said Patricia, "we might catch and pass those animals!"
The three of them quickly mounted Spot and took off.
Back in the cave, Anthony kept trying to stay ahead of Michael. But the more eggs he stuffed into his mouth, the more his stomach hurt. Michael, desperately wanting to catch and pass the hitchhiker, did the same.
"You can do it, Mike!" Violet P. cheered.
"Oh, no," Mercedes said. "No human can digest that quickly. Something's gonna give!"
And something did give. While Anthony was shoving another forkful of egg into his already overstuffed mouth, a tiny piece of the food trickled into his windpipe. On a reflex, he coughed, and the entire contents of his mouth were flung far and wide. The other racers expressed their disgust at this unfortunate occurrence.
Poor Anthony continued to cough, until he felt something moving up his esophagus. Quickly, he reached for the bucket that was provided and vomited. Michael stuck his fingers in his ears, so that he wouldn't lose his appetite over hearing Ant puke.
When he finished, Mer ran to him to see if he was okay.
"I'm fine, love. I think I just ate too much."
"You sure you don't need an antacid or anything?"
"I'm sure."
Anthony continued to eat. And so did Michael, who by this time had passed him by.
While those two kept eating, ORSON & ROY's flying quilt had arrived at the palace. They didn't tell it to stay, because they didn't need it anymore. As they mounted the stairs, the quilt flew away, off to do its own thing. The animals ran inside the palace.
"Okay, how are we supposed to find the princess's bedroom?" Orson asked.
"Just try every door, I suppose," said Roy.
"Let's start on the top floor. Odds are better up there."
"How do you figure?"
"Dunno, just a hunch, I guess."
"Whatever."
They ran up the staircase and bolted to the first door they saw. They swung it open, and found Ed, standing next to a young woman in a fancy dress. Orson and Roy ran in and stepped onto the mat.
"Welcome, travelers," said the woman, "to my kingdom of Purplewood!"
"Thank you very much," said Roy.
"Orson and Roy," Ed said, "you are team number one!"
(ORSON & ROY 1ST PLACE.)
"YES!" Roy shouted. "Two in a row! That fictional million is ours!"
"Now, at the beginning of this leg, you selected one of four different colored dragon scales, right? Do you have that scale with you?"
Orson pulled the blue scale out of his bag.
"If the scale in this box that I'm holding is the same color as yours, you guys will win an amazing prize from Travelocity."
Slowly, he opened the box. When the saw what was inside, the animals shrugged.
"Oh well, you win some, you lose some."
Back in the cave, Michael had just about finished his egg, while Anthony still had a little bit more left. Mike had the last bite on his fork, and he was about to put it in his mouth when…he stopped.
"What's wrong?" asked Violet.
"Oooooohhhhhh! I don't feel so hot. Oh, boy."
"Are you going to barf?"
"I think so!"
"Then get the bucket!"
"Ooooooohhhhhhhh!"
He didn't vomit at all. He just belched.
"Ooh, that made some room!"
Michael shoved the very last bite into his mouth and ate it.
"Task completed," said one of the dragons. "Here's your next clue."
"Thank you!"
(VIOLET & MICHAEL are currently in third place.)
"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," read Violet.
"Come on, we have to hurry!" Michael shouted.
As Anthony watched the third team leave, he felt horribly depressed.
"We'll be eliminated for sure," he mumbled.
"Don't be so sure," said Mercedes. "There's one more non-elimination point, and this could be it. Besides, if you hurry up, we might be able to catch them."
Anthony stared at the last bit of egg on his plate. With his sprit renewed, he wolfed it down quickly.
(ANTHONY & MERCEDES are currently in last place.)
"…Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated," read Anthony.
"Come on, we have to hurry and catch a ride!" said Mercedes.
They left the cave as quickly as they could.
While the hitchhikers tried to catch a ride to the palace, Patricia and Spot arrived at the palace with VIOLET & KLAUS in tow. As the orphans got off the speckled unicorn, the elf girl caught sight of the palace clock.
"Oh God, is that the right time? I'm sorry, you guys, but I have to get back to the forest for a thing…"
"It's okay, we understand," said Klaus. "You've been a real help."
As Pat rode away, the orphans entered the garish building. They started searching for the princess's bedroom on the ground floor.
"Any luck yet?"
"Nothing so far!"
While they did that, Mercedes spotted something familiar. It was a carriage. The exact same carriage she and Anthony bummed rides off of twice before! One more time, she flagged it down.
"Again, with the peasants wanting a ride? And people I had already blown off too! The audacity!"
"Please, sir, just one ride. I promise, you will never hear from us again!"
"I don't have time to waste chauffeuring commoners across Purplewood! I have an important meeting at the palace that I can't be tardy for!"
"What a coincidence! That's where we're going!"
"Oh, it is, is it?"
"Yes, it is."
The rich guy paused for a moment.
"All right, you may ride in my carriage, but only to the palace. When we get there, you will get out. And I have your word that you will not bother me again?"
"I swear it!"
"Very well, get in." He opened the door and the hitchhikers stepped inside. "My name is Lord Gray, and I do not wish to know your names."
"Fine."
Back at the palace, the unfortunate Baudelaires had searched every room on the ground floor, and turned up nothing. The only logical thing left to do was to go upstairs.
"Okay," said Violet when they reached the top floor, "I will search over there, and you search over there."
"Got it."
But when Klaus opened the door nearest to him, he found Ed inside.
"Vi, it's over here!" he shouted.
She ran to him and they checked in together.
"Violet and Klaus, you're team number two!"
(VIOLET & KLAUS 2ND PLACE.)
"Sweet!" Violet said. "We're still in it!"
Ed asked them about their dragon scale.
"Oh, is that what that was?" asked Klaus. He extracted the black scale from his bag. Ed opened his box again, and once again the colors didn't match.
"It doesn't matter. We're in second place."
Time passed. We saw a shot of VIOLET & MICHAEL arriving at the palace on their flying quilt. Next, ANTHONY & MERCEDES jumped out of the carriage and ran up the steps. We saw both teams looking on the ground floor for the princess's bedroom, but never in the same shot.
We saw Mercedes at the top of the stairs looking down at her boyfriend. Then, the supers take the stairs two at a time. We saw a first person shot of one team running to the right door and opening it.
Inside, Ed and the princess waited for the door to open. Ed pointed as the knob turned. The door flung open to reveal…Violet and Michael. The supers ran inside and stepped on the mat.
"Violet and Michael, you are team number three!"
(VIOLET & MICHAEL 3RD PLACE.)
"Phew!" Violet breathed. "We'll take it."
Michael took the green dragon scale from his bag and handed it to Ed.
"If the scale in this box is the same color as yours, you'll win the Travelocity luck prize."
Ed opened the box slowly. Violet peeked and saw a flash of green inside. When it was open, it was plain as day that the scale was green.
"Goody, goody, what'd we win?" asked Violet.
"Well, you've won a 75 thousand dollar vacation package from Travelocity that you can spend any which way you choose! We have a computer in your room with special access to Travelocity's web site, so you can plan your trip, or maybe even trips, right here."
"Whoa!" said Mike. "That's pretty cool!"
"But the coolest thing, I'd say, is that you two are still in the Amazing Race!"
"Well, yeah, that too."
A soft and slow piano rift played as the hitchhiker team at long last checked in.
"Welcome to Purplewood," said the princess.
"Thank you," said Anthony.
"Anthony and Mercedes," Ed said in a strained voice, "you are the last team to arrive."
(ANTHONY & MERCEDES LAST PLACE.)
"Yeah, we kind of figured," said Mercedes.
"And I am sorry to…fake you out like this, but this is the fourth of four predetermined non-elimination legs, so you two are still in the race!"
"We are? Really?"
"Really, really!"
Anthony and Mercedes embraced each other tearfully. This second chance was the best news they had heard all day!
"Okay, calm down. This second chance comes at a price, as I'm sure you know."
Before he could even explain the penalty, they turned over all their money and possessions, save their passports, their airline ticket card, and the clothes on their back.
"And you will be receiving no money at the start of the next leg."
"Eh, we might have placed higher, if the transportation was better here." Mercedes couldn't take it back even if she wanted too.
"What do you mean?" asked the princess.
"Uh, nothing."
"No, not nothing. What did you mean?"
"Uh…I'm just saying, this place could use an el train."
"An el train? In a fairy tale kingdom?"
"Why not? You've got a tattoo parlor here, why not an el?"
"Hmm. You may have a point there."
"I'm a little upset that I had to relinquish my copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," Mercedes confessed to the camera. "I can replace it, but it still irks me. Still, the fact that Ant and I are still in this thing is more than enough for me. I'm on Cloud 42 right now!"
"I'm elated!" Anthony confessed. "Dreamland is an amazing place. I want to stay around and see more of it. And as long as I have Mercedes with me, we can over come anything, even this penalty. BJ and Tyler did it, so why can't we, right?"
ON THE NEXT AMAZING RACE: DREAMLAND…
Thus far, I've tried to weave a little comedy into every leg. Well, the next leg takes place in Laughland, where comedy is everything. Teams will need a good sense of humor to make the final three teams. One final elimination will decide who will race for the fictional million dollars.