A Life in the Balance
Christmas and New Years had come and gone, Hayley had been released from the hospital and Caitlyn had gone back to school, Seth and Summer had remained in Newport, their traveling apparently finished for the time being, but she stayed away from the family, making it so that Seth could only visit when she was otherwise occupied, Sandy and Kirsten had celebrated another year of blissful matrimony, and Marissa had entered her ninth month of pregnancy, leaving Ryan a nervous wreck and ushering in the coldest January Southern California had seen in years. Those unaccustomed to the cold were seen bustling about town in new winter jackets, coats they had purchased just for the cold wave, but to Marissa, someone who had lived for 21 years in a temperate climate, suffering through winter after winter of miserable weather, it was still warm for January. Plus, in her third trimester, the chilly days were a relief to her always warm body. However, the atypical weather was not good for Hayley.
Her cold was lingering, and, although it appeared to be stagnant, never changing for better or for worse, the crisp days, the wind, the rain prevented her from leaving the apartment at all, for the doctors were too afraid that her very weakened immune system would not be able to take the strain. So, she remained in the living room, on the couch, only getting up for quick errands to the kitchen or DVD player, bathroom or front door. It was a mundane life, and her only comfort was knowing that Marissa was beside her every step of the way, her blood pressure still elevated too highly for her to get off of bed rest either.
"What are we doing for lunch," Hayley asked, buried under layer after layer of blankets to combat the frigid temperatures of the apartment, even going so far as to using heating pads.
"I really don't care as long as its cold, perhaps some sherbet," Marissa suggested, her body completely void of blankets. "Look in the fridge to see what Ryan left us for the day."
Too lazy to move, eyes glued to the television as a soap opera, their latest obsession for it was mindless entertainment that could eat up hours of their time every day, droned on, Hayley responded, "You look," without even glancing in her best friend's direction.
"The fridge is on your side of the bed," Marissa argued annoyed.
"We could always order in," Hayley suggested instead. "If I get out from underneath this pile of blankets it will take me the rest of the day to warm back up. I can't wait until you push out that human furnace you're carrying around and your thermostat goes back to an even keel. My poor body can't take too much more of these ridiculous temperatures you set the apartment to."
Agreeing with her, Marissa said, "you and me both, but we can't order in again. I told you yesterday that it was the last time I'd let you pay for lunch. We've ordered in every day for the past two weeks. It's getting a little excessive."
"Ah, who cares, Hayley bickered. "It's not as if Ryan knows or cares. We eat the food he leaves, too, so he's never the wiser, and my money is just wasting away in my bank account. With Daddy Deep-pockets paying for my medicine, the money I've made over the years is just sitting there, and I really don't think Zoe or your little bundle of joy will ever want for money, so it's not like I need to be frugal so I can leave them an inheritance." Taking a breath, she continued, her tone innocent and convincing. "Come on, you know you want to order in. We'll get you something ridiculously sweet and cold enough to make your teeth hurt, and I'll get something nice and steamy so as to help warm me up. I'm thinking Chili, corn bread muffins, and hot chocolate."
Swallowing thickly, a disgusted look upon her face, Marissa grimaced. "I think you're going to make me sick."
"What's new," Hayley dismissed playfully, quickly removing an arm from underneath the covers to reach for the phone. Before she could even turn it on though, the doorbell rang. "Did you already order something and forget about it," she asked Marissa.
"No! You already ordered something for yourself and didn't ask me if I wanted anything," Marissa accused. "For that, you're definitely answering the door."
"I didn't order anything yet," Hayley argued, "and it's not my apartment, so you answer the door. I'm not supposed to get out of bed or be in the cold."
"I'm not supposed to get out of bed either, and it takes me longer to stand up," Marissa continued to quarrel with her, the whole time the doorbell would occasionally peel again as the person grew impatient. "Besides, you're closer to the door."
Sitting up excitedly, Hayley put her hand out in the shape of a fist. "I'll tell you what," she offered, "I'll play you. Whoever looses has to get up and open the door."
"What are we playing?"
"Rock, paper scissors," the older woman suggested before being interrupted by her younger, pregnant counterpart.
"I hate that game," Marissa whined. "What about thumb wresting?"
Thinking about it for a moment, Hayley shrugged her shoulders in accordance, agreeing to the battle of appendages in order to determine who would have to open the door. They played the first round, their shouts and cheers, giggles and laughter betraying the fact that they were in the apartment and having fun to anyone who would be passing by or standing outside of the door, the fact that they were playing for a purpose completely forgotten as their competitive natures took over. Loosing the first game, Hayley had suggested that they extend the play into a tournament, making the winner the best out of three, and then the best out of seven after she lost the second game. So, as time slipped by, food temporarily forgotten, the person outside of the door gave up on the two women answering it for him and went to find his own way into the apartment. Ten minutes later, as he walked in, they were still playing, their rowdy commentary amusing the sweeper as he unlocked the door.
"Sports, always sports," Seth complained, sitting down in the chair beside the couch where both his sister-in-law and aunt were immersed in the thumb wrestling tournament. "They've always been the bane of my existence. First in high school as the jocks liked to use me as their personal chew toy, and now as my own family ignores my pleas for entrance. It really makes a man feel loved and appreciated."
"Oh, hey Seth," Marissa greeted instinctively, her attention never wavering from the task in front of her. It was only after she beat Hayley, again, to leave their tournament the victor that she realized what she had said. Turning around hastily, she jumped when she saw Seth watching them with an exasperated expression upon his face. "Seth, what the hell are you doing here….and how did you get in?"
"Tired of waiting for my deaf relatives to answer their door, I found the sweeper and he let me in." Laughing, he continued, "Just exactly what the hell were you thumb wrestling for?"
"To see who would answer the door," Hayley explained nonchalantly as if it was an every day occurrence, settling back down into the blankets. "The more important question is, dear nephew, what the hell are you doing here on a Wednesday afternoon?"
"Well, you see," Seth began, snatching one of the blankets off the top of Hayley before she could react, "holy freaking frost bite, it's cold in here," he finished by shouting. "Don't you guys have heat?"
"We do," Hayley answered with an annoyed sigh, "but Miss I'm Knocked-up and Dying of Heat Stoke here," she said pointing to Marissa who only smirked, "won't let us turn it on because she gets too hot, but quit changing the subject, Seth, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be out carrying Summer's shopping bags with your tail between your legs or accompanying her to a day spa?"
"Now I remember why I was excited when you went to live in Japan," Seth responded smartly, giving his aunt the finger in the process, "but, actually, I got a break from Summer duty. She's with her yoga instructor for the day and she said that I would interfere with her Zen, so here I am, leaving one abuser for another."
Thoughtfully, Marissa spoke up. "You know, Seth, there is a way you could occupy your time other than sitting around with women all day long," she suggested, only continuing when he nodded to show his interest. "There is this wonderful thing called a job. You could actually work for a living, get out, meet new people, do something with your degree."
"Yeah, I'm still looking," Seth answered flippantly, turning to the tv. "Hey, The Young and Restless, I love this show," he exclaimed excitedly. "It hasn't been as good lately, but it's always a dependable source of entertainment. Sharon's my favorite. The girl is hot and can act, too!" As he rambled on, never noticing the amused smirks on Hayley and Marissa's faces, he betrayed what was perhaps his final secret, his love for soap operas. "I can't handle all the teenagers though," he complained. "They annoy the crap out of me, and, seriously, why the hell would anyone from the key 18-49 demographic want to watch a story about teenagers. They just left that horrifyingly embarrassing time period behind. There's no way they'd want to be reminded of it."
"I'll tell you what, Seth," Marissa offered, the sarcasm very evident in her voice, "if the network ever develops a soap opera, I'll give them your number so you can offer them your valuable insight; since, apparently, you're an expert on the genre." Before he could respond and over Hayley's loud burst of laughter, she continued. "But, in the meantime, why don't you go and pick up some lunch for us poor, lonely, miserable women on bed rest. We'll call it in, Hayley will pay for it, and she'll even treat you, too, if you'll pick it up for us, anything you want."
"Works for me," Seth agreed, "but not until Y&R is over. I don't like The Bold and the Beautiful, so I'll go and pick up the grub while it's on."
"Don't say grub," Marissa admonished, a look of distaste on her face, but he just ignored her and continued rambling.
"Maybe I should pick up some movies for us, too. We can make a night of it when Ryan gets home, like the good ol' days. Instead of Summer, it'll be Hayley, but we can make it work. We'll get a bunch of films Ryan will hate, I'll eat the whole night, Marissa will pretend to fall asleep so she and Ryan can sneak off to make whoopee…"
"Don't say whoopee either, Seth," Marissa chastised him again, but, just like before, he continued as if he could not hear her.
"Auntie will get annoyed with me and start a pillow fight, which she'll ultimately win because she's more of a man than I am, and I'll spend the night, hogging all the blankets from the couch and irritating her even more. Then in the morning," he began only to be cut off by an empty pop bottle hitting him upside the head as Hayley's voice rang out, frustrated.
"Seth, shut up! You're not spending the night, you're not sleeping on this couch with me, and you're not going to stay here for the afternoon if you don't stop talking. Now, instead of trying to get yourself beat up by not stopping your incessant babbling, why don't you just tell me what's wrong. I'm sure Marissa and I can come up with a solution for you to whatever is bothering you."
Burying his head in his hands, Seth answered, his voice suddenly filled with pain and no longer carefree and relaxed. "I think I want a divorce," he confessed, only looking up to meet the concerned eyes watching him in distress. "I know it's only been four months, and even some Hollywood marriages last longer than that, but I just….I can't take it anymore. And it's not even about me, which, I know, is a first. She's just miserable with me. I think she sees everything that's gone wrong in her life, every disappointment, everything that has been taken away from her unfairly over the past two years every time she looks at me, and I just can't take seeing the pain in her eyes any longer, knowing that I helped cause it and that I can't take it away." As if he was almost trying to convince himself, his voice became decisive and stubborn. "It'll be better this way; she'll be better this way."
"Don't you think that's a little premature, Seth," Marissa suggested. "I mean, divorce, it's so….permanent, final. It might be the thing that would push her over the edge instead of helping her."
"Well we all can't have the perfect marriage, Marissa, the perfect life, like you, with your cute, little apartment, soon-to-be-born baby, and ideal sex life; some of us live in the real world."
"Seth, that's enough," Hayley admonished her nephew before Marissa could defend herself. "And, as for Marissa having the perfect life, I have four words for you: Dan and Trey Atwood. Why don't you think for once before you speak! But, aside from that, I agree with Marissa. You have loved Summer for as long as I can remember, and, granted, there are a few hazy, burnt out years clouding my memory, but you can't give up on her, your love, or your marriage this quickly."
"I don't know what else I can do though," he complained. "She won't talk to me, and she's never going to get better unless she talks about this."
Agreeing with him, Marissa said, "exactly, she needs to talk about what happened to her, but not with you, not yet. Seth," she continued hesitantly, "I think she needs to seek some professional help, some therapy."
Incredulous, he stared at her for a moment before repeating what she said. "Therapy?"
"It was actually Caitlyn who suggested it to me, because of how much it helped her." Slowly sitting up, she took his hands in hers, drawing his eyes up to her own deep blue, compassionate ones. "I know the idea of therapy is scary; it's like admitting that something is really wrong with her, but there is something really wrong with Summer. She needs someone who is outside of everything that has hurt her, someone who is unbiased, sympathetic, yet not involved."
This time with a much more positive tone, he repeated her suggestion once again, squeezing her hands for reassurance. "Therapy….I guess she could try that."
"And maybe," Hayley pointed out kindly, "after she gets on stable ground, you'll be able to go together, to get some couple counseling, fix your marriage."
"Yeah, maybe," he agreed with a slight smile on his face.
Pushing, Marissa said, "so you'll talk to her tonight."
"Next month," Seth argued, freeing his hands from her firm grasp.
"I don't think so, Seth," Hayley argued. "You'll talk to her tomorrow at the latest."
"She has a stressful week coming up," Seth disputed, "there's this important, seasonal sale at the mall, and I don't want to ruin that for her. I'll tell her next week."
Smirking, Marissa gave him an ultimatum. "Either you tell her by this weekend or I'm going to tell Ryan all about your little obsession with daytime dramas." The threat worked. Before she or Hayley could say anything else, Seth was running out the door, yelling over his shoulder.
"Call in your orders to that deli down the road. I'll be back in a few." And just like that, there was one less thing on Hayley's list to worry about, one less thing to keep her up at night, one less thing to keep her fighting.
The last day of January, a Saturday, saw the return of warmer weather and some alone time for Ryan and Marissa. Because of the previous cool temperatures, Hayley had missed her previous doctor appointment, so Kirsten had shown up at their door, bright and early, whisking her away to the hospital on their first sunny day in almost two weeks, for a full check up and to fill her prescriptions, insisting that she would stay with her, Sandy, and Zoe all day long and give the young, married couple an afternoon to themselves. They loved spending time with Hayley, but the idea of just being alone with each other was too appealing to Ryan and Marissa for them to argue.
Marissa had assumed they would spend the day in bed even if they could not make love, but Ryan had surprised her by taking her to the beach. Because she had been on bed rest, it had been a month since she had seen the ocean, and the sight of it was enough to bring a wide, peaceful smile to her lips, as if she needed to be near the crashing waves every so often to remain calm. They just lounged around all day on a beach blanket Ryan had brought with them, talking about the baby, reading books, arguing over possible names and only becoming more confused upon what they would call their child, and flirting innocently, never going further than holding hands and kissing each other delicately on the cheeks or lips. If it wasn't for Marissa's swollen abdomen, observes would have thought they were on a first date, their behavior was so chaste. Marissa found the whole experience to be utterly adorable and exactly what she needed.
It was almost time for dinner when she woke up from her second, short nap of the afternoon, curled into Ryan's body, his arms holding her tightly, and she found him just simply watching her, his face serene and content. "Sorry," she whispered softly not wanting to ruin the moment, "you just keep me too relaxed and I fall asleep."
"Hey, that's a good thing," he argued with her. "That's what I'm here for, to keep you and the baby relaxed."
Curious, she asked, "how long was I out for? It can't be fun to spend your afternoon with someone who sleeps the whole time."
"Just about an hour or so," he answered, his hand moving from her belly to her face as he smoothed away the hair that was blowing in the breeze and tickling her blushed cheeks. "And I don't care what you do this afternoon. I'm just happy to be with you, alone. It seems as if it's been forever."
"Pretty close," she admitted ruefully. "Let's hope the next time I'm pregnant that things are a little calmer, because I don't think I'll be able to handle high blood pressure and bed rest again. This….not being able to go anywhere, not being able to be alone with you whenever I want, it's killing me. I mean, I love Hayley like she was my sister, but….she's no you." Leaning over, Marissa captured Ryan's lips in a gentle kiss. Although it only lasted for a few seconds, she needed to be near him. Pulling away and settling back into his arms, her eyes focusing upon the ocean as he merely watched her, and she became thoughtful. "What were you thinking about when I woke up? You seemed lost to the world."
"Well," he admitted with a slight blush turning his ears scarlet, "I was thinking about you, and the baby, and a house." When she looked at him with wide eyes, he continued. "Not THE house, our house that I will someday build for you, but a house. Our family is growing quickly, and with Hayley living with us, our two bedroom apartment all of a sudden feels cramped and cluttered. Smiling devilishly, he added, "we're going to need our own private oasis if we're going to work on that second baby you were just talking about."
Giggling, Marissa teased him. "We need to worry about having this baby first and naming it."
"About that," Ryan confessed slowly, his eyes straying from hers as he fidgeted with the blanket, trying, in vain, to make it appear as if his idea was trivial and something he didn't care about.
Sitting up, Marissa yelled out breathlessly. "You thought of a name!"
"Not exactly," he said as he pushed her back down on the blanket. "And I won't tell you unless you remain calm and lying down." Though she rolled her eyes, she went back into his arms, resting, like he asked, so Ryan continued to talk. "Okay, so what I thought was we could go online to all those baby websites you're always looking at and look up names with a certain meaning, kind of keep everything, even the name, with the same theme that we used to decorate the baby's room."
"Wouldn't those all be feminine names though," Marissa asked only to have Ryan smirk at her. She knew what that look meant. "Alright, so we both pretty much have already decided that the baby is a girl, but we're going to get a rude awakening if the doctor hands us a boy, so just be prepared."
"We can always think of a backup, boy's name, just in case," Ryan suggested, "but I don't think we'll need it. I guess it can always be used the next time."
"Next time," Marissa agreed, kissing him quickly before he could playfully yell at her to remain lying down. "So, that's what we'll do tonight. I'll graciously let you cook something for dinner and then we'll just lounge around in our bed, just the three of us, you, me, and this monster we made," she affectionate said as she caressed her belly, "and we'll surf the net for baby names."
With their plans made and an empty apartment waiting for them at home, Ryan packed up their beach supplies, loaded them in the car, and then came back for his wife, refusing to let her walk to the parking lot and carrying her the entire way while she merrily laughed at his ridiculously over-protective behavior, the sound of her mirth making Ryan smile. Just like their afternoon had been, their evening was going to be just what they needed, an extension to their perfect date.
"I have an idea," Hayley shouted out in a hurry Monday night, a sly smile, the size of a chestier cat's, on her face. "After dinner, Ryan should go and rent us some porn!"
Marissa couldn't help but giggle when she heard the cooking utensil Ryan must have been using in the kitchen when Hayley uttered those fateful words clatter to the counter top. "We're not renting porn," Marissa immediately shot down the idea. "And if I ever did, I sure as hell wouldn't watch it with you. What made you think of that?"
"Well, they were just talking about Mark Walberg on E!NewsLive, and that made me think of Boogie Nights….and one thing led to another, and I realized I was in the mood for some porn."
Entering the room, Ryan asked her, "So you've watched it before then, porn?"
"Hell yes," Hayley admitted proudly. "I'm no prude, and when a girl is going through a dry spell or a particularly depressing point in her life, porn is always a quick and painless way to entertain oneself….in more than one way."
"Okay, that's enough information for me," Ryan said decisively, moving his way back to the kitchen quickly. "I'll just be…..in the kitchen trying to forget what I just heard."
As he left the room, Hayley turned to Marissa once more with a pleading look on her face. "No, we're not renting porn tonight, and that's that! Maybe," Marissa conceded with a roll of her eyes, "when I'm in the hospital giving birth, I'll have Ryan stop and rent you some for when you're stuck here all alone. It has been a while since…."
"Since I got laid," Hayley sighed, "tell me about it."
"Aw, look, it's 7:30, time for Jeopardy," Marissa said too enthusiastically for the situation, obviously uncomfortable with Hayley's frank discussion of her rather lacking sex life. "I'll just change the channel and then we'll sit here, SILENTLY, and watch."
The game show went off smoothly with Marissa handedly beating Hayley while Ryan finished their dinner for them. Just as Final Jeopardy was about to begin, he arrived in the room, three plates of dinner balanced precariously in his arms, and handed them out to their respective parties. Sitting down in the chair beside the couch, Ryan went to listen to the conclusion of the game show, but Hayley's loud, slightly angry tone shattered the peaceful drone of the television and made him shoot right out of his chair.
"What the hell, Marissa," Hayley complained, "I can't believe you just spilled your water all over me! It's going to take forever to dry all these blankets so I can sleep here tonight."
As Ryan looked at the two women, he knew something was wrong. Although Hayley was still irritated and slightly fuming, Marissa just stared in front of her in shock, her eyes betraying a sense of sheer panic. Noticing she wasn't even holding her water, he spoke up. "Hayley, Marissa isn't drinking anything right now."
"So then what….. oh my god."
"Oh my god, is right, Hayley," Ryan whispered, his palms suddenly sweaty and his eyes as large as saucers. Going to his wife's side, he picked her up, not needing to ask any other questions, and carried her towards the door. "Can you grab the bag she has in our room for the hospital, Hayley, and set it by the door, please? I'll be back for it after I get her in the car."
"Screw that, Hayley said jumping up, her doctor's ordered best rest forgotten, "I'm coming with you. Take her down to the car, I'll grab the bag, turn everything off, and meet you there."
Not in the mood to argue with her and knowing it would just be wasted time, Ryan merely shook his head before running out the door with Marissa in his arms as she fought with him, claiming she wanted to change her clothes before they drove to the hospital. He wouldn't listen. Five minutes later, the three of them were racing to the hospital, Ryan now panicking, Marissa nervous about labor, and Hayley relieved that she had lived long enough to see this moment.
Arriving at the hospital, Ryan went off with Marissa and a nurse to get settled into their room as he gave Hayley his cell phone to call their family and friends, in order to tell them that Marissa was in labor. He never realized that she would have to go outside, back into the damp, chilly night to stand in the drizzle of rain while contacting all their loved ones. It wasn't as if she would say anything; she still acted as if she were invincible, the disease hardly ever entering into her realm of decision making. So, while Marissa's contractions progressed and Ryan stood by her side holding her hand and uttering reassurances and platitudes, Hayley, unwittingly, put her life at risk.
Soon, they were all there, Sandy, Kirsten, Zoe, Caleb, for he was still Marissa's biggest fan, Branning, Jane, James Sr., Jimmy, though no one was sure what Marissa would think of that, Seth, and, surprising everyone, even Summer, waiting with a pacing, anxious Hayley for news on the baby, their minds filled with the hope a new life brings and distracted from the one that hung in the balance….that is until that life lost consciousness, fainting mid-pace in the crowded waiting room, burning with fever, frail and weak, wracked with sickness.