Disclaimer: Some dialog borrowed from the ER episode 'Where The Heart Is'.

Spilling Secrets

"I want you to give your mother another chance," Legaspi had said. "Don't let her leave without really talking to her." Abby sighed as she settled herself on the el seat and thought about the day. Luka was bugging her to join the ER softball game. He missed her. She didn't really know why she didn't want to go. She loved playing softball when she was a kid. And she was good at it. He was right. One night away from Maggie wouldn't do any harm. And then she had gone to Maggie's counseling session with Legaspi. It had worried her. She didn't know what Maggie had been saying about...them. It always bothered her to think that perfect strangers had insight into what her life was like. And the session had been as bad as she expected. Maggie was leaving. Going back to Minnesota. She had made the plans herself. Abby didn't know what to think. She was angry that Maggie had told someone else before she'd told her. She was worried about her being alone so far away from anyone. Worried that she would go off her meds again. As much as she wanted to believe that Maggie was capable of handling things on her own, deep down she was afraid that she would be going through all of this again. Afraid? She was terrified. Terrified that she wouldn't be there next time.

Maggie was setting their table for dinner when she opened the door. Wonderful smells were coming from the kitchen. The super must have fixed the stove fan. They chatted aimlessly for a moment as she looked through the stack of mail. Invite Luka to dinner? He was playing softball. And then Abby looked up at her mother. The moment had arrived. Sorry about running out of the therapy session but it was scarey to hope too much. Maggie understood. She took a deep breath and told Abby that something had happened in ICU. She didn't want to die and more importantly, she didn't want her little girl to watch her die. Little girl? The hard knot in Abby's throat began to soften. A soft buzzing began in her ears. Maggie went on. She was going to manage her own life from now on and that Abby could get on with her own. Stop sitting things out. The buzzing began to get louder and louder. Go to med school. That's not so easy. Get married. I was married. Get pregnant. I was pregnant!

The shock of having finally said it aloud slapped them both. Abby couldn't look at her mother. The buzzing stopped and was replaced by the soft hum of the aspirator as that entire day flashed in front of her like a fast forwarded video tape. The panic. The worry. The sounds. The procedure. The cramping. The overwhelming sadness. What happened?

"I had an abortion," she said softly as she slipped to the edge of the couch. "Some people aren't meant to be mothers." She felt Maggie sitting beside her.

"Abby," she said. "I was a lot younger than you when I had my first manic episode. I have watched you since you were a little girl. You're not bipolar."

"No, but my kids could be."

"But they might not be...they could be anything...You just love them, that's all...You never even told Richard, did you?" Abby shook her head slowly.

"I think that was the beginning of the end for us. We stopped talking about everything." Abby's heart began to break into little pieces and pushed their way into her throat. "I just couldn't risk it..."

"Couldn't risk turning into me..." Abby nodded as her insides began to shake . "Or risk taking care of another me?" Abby nodded again and the pent up sobs began to choke her.

"Aw, honey..." Maggie said as she pulled Abby into her arms. "That's all life is, is risk. " Abby held herself stiffly as she fought the tears that were beginning to flow.

" You're going to miss out on all the good things in life," she was saying. "And you deserve all of the good things, Abby. All of the good things." Abby nodded and began to relax a little in her mother's arms. For the first time in a long, long while, she felt like the child again. A child with a mother instead of the other way around.

They sat together for a long time as she cried. As they cried together. Cried for everything that she had gone through alone. Cried for her lost childhood. Cried for the loss of her marriage. Cried for her lost child. Just cried. And Maggie held her. Tight. Until she was finished. She was exhausted. And then she suddenly wanted to see him. Wanted to be with him again.

She dug through the boxes her closet and found her softball glove. They left their dinner untouched on the table and took a cab to the baseball fields in the city park. Maggie waited to get a hot dog at the concession stand but Abby made her way to the fencing along the field and looked for him. A smile traced her lips as she saw him crouching in the infield with his cap on backwards, trying to look like he'd been playing the game forever. She waved.

He straightened when he saw her standing there, waved and then bent back down as Malucci drew his attention back to the game. He trotted over to her when the batter struck out.

"Change your mind?" he asked.

"Yep," she said. "Even brought my own glove."

"Hey, Abby...you playing?" Malucci asked as he hung a bat on the fence. Abby nodded.

"Then choose your weapon. You're up after Carter." Luka looked up as Maggie approached with a small box of food and drinks.

"You brought your mom?"

"I didn't know you played softball," Maggie said to him.

"I don't," Luka shrugged. "I'm last in the batting order."

"You should put Abby up," Maggie said as she shifted the food in her hands. "She was an all star in little league."

"What about you?"

"I'm just going to watch," she said as she headed toward the empty stands. "An all star?" he asked as Abby smiled and began to test the baseball bats along the fence.

"I like you in that hat," she said.

"Almost look American, eh?"

"Almost..." she chuckled. Luka grinned and took her glove from her as she stepped into the on deck circle and swung the bat.

They lost the game. But it wasn't for lack of enthusiasm. Maggie was cheering from the stands. Luka ran the bases...on a foul ball. And Abby laughed for the first time in a long while. Maggie was going to take a cab back to the apartment after the game but Carter insisted on driving her. Abby and Luka went for a walk along the Lake Michigan shoreline. It was a cool night but they sat together on a bench, snuggled together, and looked at the stars above them. There was something different about her now. Luka could sense that.

"She's leaving in a couple of days," Abby said as he adjusted his arm and picked up one of her hands in his. "For Minnesota."

"She's going home?" he said. She nodded.

"Yeah. Alone." Abby looked up at him and smiled a little. He took note of the worried lines on her forehead and kissed her there.

"She's a big girl," he said. "She can handle it." Abby chuckled.

"Like she has in the past? Right..." Luka sighed and squeezed her hand.

"If she doesn't...we'll be there."

"We will?" Abby cocked an eyebrow and frowned slightly.

"We...will." She smiled slightly at his response. So final. So determined. She nestled in his arms and looked out at the dark line of Lake Michigan. She listened to the waves breaking against the shore and to the sound of his heart beating against her ear. She sighed.