Chapter 5: Wanting to go home.

'Cuz we're short a hunter and you might have to fill his shoes.'

All night long that one line kept echoing in Chris's mind. What the hell did John mean by that? Just when he thought he had it figured out something else started echoing in his head. Someone was calling him by name. Someone who's voice was strangely familiar.

"Chris."

He woke up and looked around the dark room convinced there was someone there calling his name, but all he could see was Sam asleep in the bed next to his. He walked to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. He stood at the mirror and stared at the face he was going to have to live with for the rest of his life. Some one else's face. Suddenly he realized whose voice he heard in his head. It was Dean's. He started to chuckle to himself and realized if he didn't stop he was going to seriously lose it.

"Christ it's not bad enough I'm stuck in his body now I have to have him stuck in my head too." Chris said to himself and he wiped the water off his face with a towel. Leaning on the sink he hung his head and took a moment to regain his composure. "You can do this, just don't look in the mirror anymore and you'll be fine."

As he headed back to his bed, something caught his eye in the shadows of the corner near the kitchen table. Taking a step towards it he watched it disappear.

"Dean?" he asked to the silent room knowing without hearing the answer who that shadow was.

"Yeah man, just checkin on my brother." The voice answered inside his head. Chris took a deep breath and nodded. "Just go back to sleep."

"I don't think that's likely to happen anytime soon." Chris took another look into the dark corner before lying back down on the bed. "I take it you plan on sticking around?"

"Yeah I ain't goin anywhere. Guess you're stuck with me for a while."

"Great. Well you're Dad and Sam will be happy to hear that. I'm not sure I'm happy to have you roaming around in my head but what the hell." Chris said as he stared up at the ceiling.

"I'm sorry," He heard Dean say. "but I kinda don't have a choice."

"It's not your fault." Chris answered and then stopped when he realized what Dean was alluding to.

"Oh…. It's because of me isn't it?"

"It's not your fault either but yeah, we're kinda bound together I guess."

"So as long as I'm around, you're around?" Chris asked already knowing the answer.

"Yeah something like that."

"You're not gonna start singing 'Henry the 8th, I am I am' cuz if you are, I'll just kill myself right now and end the agony?" Chris asked sarcastically referencing the movie Ghost that Marybeth had forced him to watch repeatedly. He could hear Dean laughing in his head.

"No dude, I'm not that cruel. I just want to keep tabs on my family. I just want to make sure they're all right, you know, with this whole me being dead thing."

"Your brother seems to be handling it well, but then again it's hard to tell since I don't really know him that well. From what I've seen so far, I think he's deeply, deeply entrenched in a complete state of denial. Your father…. I'm not sure what he thinks. I know whenever he looks at me he's angry as hell. I just can't tell if he angry at me or angry at himself for creating this mess. I can tell it must be hard for them to look at me knowing I'm not you. Me, I don't how I'm not freaking out. I keep looking in the mirror and seeing a total stranger looking back at me." Chris closed his eyes and tried to stop the anger he could feel starting to build up again.

"I'd say I'm sorry for what my father did, but I don't think you want to hear that right now."

Chris nodded and stayed silent. Not wanting to continue his conversation with Dean, he finally rolled over to his side and forced himself to go back to sleep choosing to disregard Dean's final words in his head.

"I'm sorry anyways."

The next morning after another heated discussion between Chris and John, Chris was allowed to go for his morning run again with the stipulation that Sam run with him. Once again he stopped for a newspaper before heading back to the motel. Sitting at the table he opened the Lifestyles section of the paper and flipped the pages until he found the obituaries. Scanning the pages he stopped as he found his own, and started reading it with mixed emotions.

"Jesus, Chris why are you doing this to yourself?" Sam said as soon as he saw what Chris was reading.

"I want to know what time my funeral starts." He answered Sam flipping the paper shut. "It says here the service starts at 2:00.

"You're kidding right. Please don't tell me you want to go to your own funeral?" Sam stared back at Chris.

"No, I don't want to go to my funeral, I just wanted to find out what time it started so I could go over to my house to get some of my things." Chris explained to an even more shocked Sam

"Ummmm… You want to break into your own house on the day of your funeral. What the hell is so important that you're willing to get arrested for breaking and entering?" Sam asked eyes wide at the prospect of telling his father what Chris had in mind.

"My clothes for one thing. I mean I have to credit Dean for his unique style of clothing but this is not how I usually dress." Chris said pointing to the AC/DC t-shirt and the torn jeans he was currently wearing. "Lets say I dress a little more, ummm professional."

"Hey what's wrong with what I wear?" Dean's voice echoed inside Chris's head "That's my favorite t-shirt.

Chris rolled his eyes and ignored him.

"Oh god tell me you don't normally dress in a suit and tie." Sam said jokingly becoming alarmed. Just envisioning Dean in a suit was enough for him to make a face and snicker.

"Not quite that professional. Usually a polo shirt and Dockers maybe, a button down shirt or two, no ties I promise. I do own jeans, they just don't have as many holes in them as you brother has in his." He laughed as well when he saw the face Sam made.

"Well in our line of work, payment for services rendered is pretty scarce. Dean usually made us money off of playing pool or credit card…." Sam stopped before he said too much. "Anyway, growing up we never had a lot of money so our clothes had to last as long as they could. Hence the ripped jeans and faded t-shirts look. It ain't much but they fit in a duffle bag in a hurry and we don't care if they get wrinkled." Sam explained trying not to be insulted knowing Chris didn't really mean anything by his comment.

"Sam I'm not saying what you guys wear is wrong, it works for you, I'm saying I'm used to a different style. I just don't feel like myself in these clothes." Chris stopped and started to laugh hysterically. "Guess that sounded really weird considering the circumstances didn't it?"

"Yeah I know there are moments I forget too." Sam said slapping Chris on the shoulder. "It's weird, you look, and sound exactly like him, yet for the most part I can totally tell you apart."

"That's cuz he doesn't have my sparkling personality." Dean's spoke to Sam even though he knew his brother couldn't hear him. Once again Chris felt compelled to observe the comment with an eye roll.

"Another thing Sam, I feel really weird carrying around Dean's wallet and cell phone. I think I would feel a whole lot better if I had my own." Chris pulled Dean's phone and wallet out of his pocket and held them out for Sam.

"Well you might as well keep Dean's phone, I know for sure Dad won't spring for a new one. I think you're gonna have to consider your old phone and your own wallet a total loss. Your wife probably got them back with your effects from the morgue." Sam said as he took Dean's wallet and looked at it sadly. He quickly stuffed it in his own pocket unable to bear to open it up in front of Chris.

"It's okay if you're having a hard time dealing with this, Sam? Lord knows I know have a clue as to how I'm keeping it together." Chris asked when he saw Sam's reaction to his brother's wallet. "I think your father must be having a hard time as well by the way he keeps ordering me around like I'm in the Army or something. Since he can't control the situation, he thinks he can control me."

"Not Army, Marines." Sam answered, trying to explain the idiosyncrasies of his father, as Chris gave him a confused look. "My father used to be a Marine. He thinks that if he makes us listen to his orders he will some how be able to protect us better. Disobey him and POW…..well lets just say you don't disobey John Winchester."

"That's right, nobody messes with Dad."

"Well guess what, I'm not one of his Marines." Chris said adamantly shaking his head. "Speaking of your father, let's not say anything to him about me wanting to head over to my house today okay?"

"I don't know Chris, I think he will notice the Impala is gone and then he will demand to know what we were up to when we got back. If you think he's angry with you now, just imagine how angry he will be if he finds out you went behind his back." Sam said giving Chris a worried looking just imagining how his father would react.

"But I'm not going behind his back. Jesus Sam, I just want to go home and get some of my things. You people can't keep me here, I'm not your hostage. Sooner or later you're gonna have to let me leave. I know you want to hang on to your brother but damn it, I'm not him and I'm not going to hang around here forever."

"It'll be a cold day in hell before I let you get out of our sight." Johns steely voice answered as he crept in the room with out either man noticing.

"What are you going to do start tying me to a chair or to my bed every night?" Chris asked as he glared back at John.

"If that's what it takes." John coldly answered. Sam looked back and forth between both men trying to judge who was going to attack first.

"I want to see you try that John. You seem to think you'll be able to win this war. Why don't we give it a go and see who really wins cuz I'm not goin down without a fight?" Chris tensed up and balled his hands into tight fists as he stepped forward. Without a warning John pulled out his gun and pointed it straight at Chris's head. Chris hesitated but he didn't flinch at the sight of the gun aimed at him.

"Jesus Christ Dad, what the hell are you doing? Sam yelled jumping up and knocking his fathers arm down. "This is Dean Dad."

"No he isn't son. We don't know who this person is but he sure as hell isn't your brother." John glared back at his son before aiming his gun back at Chris.

"Yeah and whose fault is that John." Chris shouted at him.

"Dad stop, he's not a demon, you can't just shoot him. If you shoot him we lose whatever chance we have of getting Dean back." Sam yelled trying to get through to his father. John hesitated as Sam's words hit him like a ton of bricks. Lowering the weapon he looked at Sam with tears in his eyes.

"I really screwed up didn't I, son. It should have worked….I said the right words…I checked it over and over again. I don't know why it didn't work." Setting the gun on the table, John sank down on a kitchen chair and dropped his head into his hands. "Dean…."

Chris backed down as well when he saw the elder Winchester fall apart in front of him. Sam shot Chris a look of worry as he watched his father begin to grieve for his brother. Chris returned the look not knowing if he could comfort the elder Winchester, or even if his help was wanted. He suddenly he heard Dean's voice in his head again.

"Tell him I'm still here. Tell him I'm standing right in front of him."

"Dean's still here." He said not sure if they would believe him or not. Both John and Sam whipped their heads his way in disbelief. John reached for his gun again convinced that Chris was playing a cruel joke on them.

"I'm not lying, I'm not lying. He's here, right now…." Chris started to quickly explain.

"Like hell…" John said his eyes blazing again.

"Dad, don't, let's hear what he has to say." Sam said hope rising in his heart again.

"Last night, I got up to go to the bathroom, when I came back I saw something. It was some sort of shadow over here in the corner." Chris waved his hand to the corner behind Sam. "I started to hear this voice in my head. At first I thought I was really losing it but then I realized it was Dean. He's really here John, I swear to god. He said he wanted to make sure you were both okay."

"What else did he say?" John demanded still skeptical of Chris's story.

"He said because of what happened, because I'm still alive inside his body, we're, how did he put it, bound together. He can't leave." Chris explained further to the two stunned Winchesters.

"I haven't noticed lights flickering, and I haven't felt any cold spots yet Dad but could what he's saying be true? Could Chris and Dean really be bound together like that?" Sam asked his eyes wide with hope.

John looked over at Chris wanting to believe his son could still be around. Even though the man in front of him was a stranger, he could tell by his eyes Chris was telling the truth. He chided himself after all his years of experience, for thinking for a moment his son couldn't return to them. Looking back at Sam he saw what he was starting to feel in his own heart…hope. That quickly returned to anger when he remembered what they were talking about when he walked into the room.

"Just because I'm starting to believe you doesn't me I'm gonna trust you. Now what's this I hear about you wanting to sneak back into your own home?"

Tbc

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Authors Note: Ah another chapter knocked out. Hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading and please let me know if you liked it.