Chapter Forty-Three:

A/N: I just wanted to voice a tiny complaint. I love my reviewers, and those who read but don't review. However, I only get one or two reviews per update. I work long and hard on these, even if at times it may not seem like it. So just leave a comment telling me that the latest chapter(s) stunk like a sewer, or if I'm your new fanfiction god. I don't care, it just kind of irks me. Bah, I'll let you read now.

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She wants me to do what?

You heard her, Tessa responded. Now get to remembering.

No.

No? Can you even do that?

I don't know, but I don't care. Adette's mind during those days… I'm not going back. Just tell her I can't, tell her that it doesn't work like that.

I'm not lying for you/

"Tessa?"

"Shut up, I'm bartering here."

Great bedside manner you've got there.

Hey, I'm a field medic, not a doctor. I don't have to be nice to all of the people I save. Besides, this isn't bedside anything. We're both standing up.

You're obviously not the fastest chocobo in the pen, are you?

You know what? Fuck you. Your friend asked a question, and you'd better do as she asked.

No, I'm not reliving that. Tell her I refuse.

"She won't do it."

Adette's face fell almost immediately. "Why not?"

It's too painful. It hurts too much.

"PMS? How in Hyne's name should I know?"

---

After Adette turned away in pained disappointment, Tessa pocketed the pins that were on the dead Sorceress. One was a three-headed dog and the other a large serpent with wing-like fins on either side of its neck. They were obviously the legendary Cerberus and Leviathan from the Sorceress War.

Why not junction them?

You're in my head; you know it won't do any good. Why even ask?

Clearly, you don't get the concept of conversation.

Tessa didn't respond. She knew that she was being rude for absolutely no reason, but she felt a sick sense of entitlement to her current attitude. After all, it had been only one day since…

She had killed three other living, breathing human beings. Heartbeats had stopped, chest ceased to give breath, and electrical currents no longer jumped over synapses. Would anyone even know that it was because of her, a teenager who did nothing more than try to help?

Two, no three, heroes had died before her eyes. Seasoned fighters that had fought armies and giant corporations, monsters and other people, crazed clones and Sorceresses, they all died in her eyes in more ways than one. Another human shot Zell, the first to go, after barely escaping death in the sewers. Tessa regretted treating him as harshly as she had, but quickly pushed him from her mind. Then there was Tifa, the reason Tessa had even taken up martial arts in the first place. She had become a Rot and "died" at Adette's hand. Finally, there was Rinoa, the fallen angel. After saving both Tessa and Adette, she turned around and tried to kill them. Tessa doubted she would ever get over that one, and she knew Adette wouldn't. After all, Adette had been the one to kill Rinoa.

Besides, how many times had she almost died in the past year? Tessa counted them off silently in her head. There was the cafeteria incident, the forest, the train station, the train, Timber, the airship, entering Galbadia City, running through the sewers, the ladder falling at the Residence, Macone torturing me, the Rot invasion of the Residence, and Rinoa.

Also, there was her screwed-up relationship with Adette. They had fought at first, comforted each other after unbelievable tragedies, saved each other from certain death, and then…

The kiss.

Shut up! I don't want to think about that.

Why not? I thought that you were tough, afraid of nothing.

It… it's not that. There are more important things to worry about is all.

Hello, I'm living inside your head. You can't fool me.

No really, there are. Tessa thought, hoping to convince herself more than she was Shiva. Why is Rinoa's body still even here? Lon told us that he would take care of it.

Yeah, where is soldier boy, anyway?

"Adette?"

"What is it Tessa?"

"Have you seen Lon? You know, the soldier?"

"No."

"Thanks for your help. I'll be sure to remember that I can count on you in the future."

Adette looked back out at the ocean, trying to hide the tears in her eyes.

There was no need to be sarcastic. You are the cruellest person I've ever been junctioned to, and I've met my fair share of assholes.

Tessa ignored Shiva and walked to the control room. It had been obvious, after the initial shock wore off, that the table with electrical equipment was some kind of radio or steering system.

The door was open slightly and Tessa saw the first-aid kit lying by the door with its contents spilling out. As she swept the bandages and medicines into the plastic case, she made a mental note to treat Adette's hand. Suddenly she felt bad for how she had treated her.

See, you do care!

Hyne, do you ever shut up? If you were human, I would've beaten the crap out of you by now.

She swung the door open to find a most repulsive sight. Lon sat in one corner of the room with his head held down and a small gun in his lap. The bad news: the complete back of his skull was splattered onto the wall behind him. The surprise: the gun was the same Adette had used to kill Tessa.

This is bad.

For once, I have to say your right. He was the one who knew how to steer the damn vessel. Now we're all royally fucked.

I meant the fact that he was dead, but you're thinking of surviving. Maybe being a heartless bitch isn't such a bad thing after all.

Help me figure out what to do. That's what GFs are for, right? They serve their hosts?

We don't serve anyone. We help them. I am more than just some voice in your head, you know.

I've got it!

Are you even listening to me?

We dump both bodies, turn on the radio, and wait for someone to pick us up.

That's your plan? Throw two bodies in the ocean and wait to be rescued?

Do you have a better idea?

---

First one body splashed into the blue-green of the ocean, and the other soon followed. Tessa wiped her sweaty brow as the man and woman that had saved her life sunk beneath the murky depths. It stung momentarily, aching deep within her heart. Then she remembered what Rinoa had done and spat on the water, forever sealing their fates.

Wafting to her nose was a smell of human decay, and for one panic-filled moment, Tessa thought that a Rot had somehow gotten onto the boat. Her muscles tensed and she strained her ears, searching for a sound other than Adette's gentle sobs and the soft whistling of the wind. Nothing. Soon she realized that the smell was her own, coming from her clothes. The uniform still had blood and blood and only Hyne knew what else was on it.

Tessa grabbed the woman-shaped pin on her shirt. For a few seconds she held it in her hands, unsure of what to do. Then she clipped it to the collar that was still around her neck. The shiny piece of metal hung next to the half-heart pendant. It was the only thing left of her third life, before everything changed.

The first life was one that she couldn't remember, the one with her parents. Next came the time at Lotia Garden, up until the rape. That life had been shattered beyond repair. Following that was her four years of hatred, running on little more than anger and ego. She cared about nothing but her future, her career. Everything revolved around being the best: in medicine, in martial arts. She had gone from mediocre to tied for first in her year. She shared her title with Hunter, even though he had come to Lotia Garden a few months after her.

Indeed, even though it was hard to tell from the outside, there was a subtle change, a new Antessence Matleo. As corny as it sounded, it was true. She was still fuelled by her anger and ego, but there was another ingredient. Fear.

She reached into the pockets of the military uniform and pulled out the contents. In her left hand were the two GFs she had "liberated" from Rinoa's body, the right held a single clip of bullets for her pistol. The pistol was gone, though. Tessa hadn't seen it since Galbadia City. Her assumption was that it had been taken from her after she lost consciousness.

My father was right about you! The words rattled around in Tessa's head. Rinoa had yelled them moments before she died, leaving behind no explanation. You and Squall!

If Rinoa's actions hadn't been bad enough, Lon had gone and killed himself. However, as Tessa noticed before she tossed Rinoa's body overboard, Rinoa had been shot in the head.

It doesn't make sense. Why shoot someone if they're already dead?

Maybe she wasn't dead. She could've faked it.

That's plausible, but it's impossible to know just what a Sorceress is capable of.

There's a simple way to find out.

Oh really, what's that?

Junction the GFs in your hand. They can tell you what was going on.

I said that you were it, and I meant that.

So you would rather live without knowing?

She's got it, give the girl a cookie and shut her up.